Teenage Wasteland
by Zaney HacknSlash
Summary: AU companion-ish piece to 'Missions'. Gojyo and Hakkai meet as teenagers in a frightening underworld controlled by a brutal, youkai mob boss. When the boys are sent to collect a list of mysterious rarities, they find themselves dragged into a battle full of chaos and violence in which the price for peace may be too high to pay, and the penalty for failure is terrifying.
1. Chapter 1

***Welcome. These days I can't get enough of my favorite Saiyuki pair-I thought up the storyline while working on Missions and started writing both fics a the same time, and now, it's finally ready to be unveiled. TAH-DAH!**  
**Unfortunately, you won't find any Sanzo or Goku here. *sob* I tried to find a way to incorporate them, but nothing ingenius came to mind, so I left them alone.**  
**Also, I debated a long time about whether to call Hakkai by Gonou or Hakkai... Hakkai won.**  
**This is my first AU fic, and I'm pretty pleased with it. It was a ton of fun to write, so I hope you all like it.**  
**Enjoy**

**-Zaney**

* * *

**Don't cry  
Don't close your eyes  
It's only a**

**Teenage Wasteland**

* * *

**I**

**Like Sugar and Cyanide**  
**Our worlds were meant to collide**…

In Which there is a Misunderstanding and a Meeting

"C'mon, Hakkai," Quing hissed. "You know we're not supposed to be here—we'll get in trouble."

I hardly had time to take his sniveling seriously. She had come here, the one who looked like me. If I could only find her and ask her name…

"That's not necessarily true. _I'm_ not allowed to be here, because I'm a minor. Seeing how you're nearly nineteen, I highly doubt you'll get in trouble."

"Yeah, but they still frown on us coming here, you know."

"Then go home." I suggested calmly.

Quing gave me a sheepish, frightened look. He was two years older than me, but his round, baby face often gave me the impression that he was barely past the age of fourteen.

"Yeah. Go home." Liling elbowed him. She was a year younger than Quing, and therefore also a minor, but I'd observed that she certainly had more grit. "Hakkai and me are gonna' have fun."

I could sense that she was waiting eagerly for a moment to be alone with me, and, undoubtedly, when that moment came, I would have to make up some excuse, or else give her the honest truth, which was that I hadn't the slightest bit of interest in Liling. She was a pretty girl, and very intelligent. Her mild enthusiasm for adventure was attractive enough, and I felt that, over all, we were compatible, but my eye was elsewhere.

_On _her_…_

I'd been attending the prestigious research school in Cheng for over a year now, and I was fitting in well enough. Better than I had at the orphanage, at any rate. I still had a bit of trouble making friends, and the few I had still complained that I never smiled, or that, at times, I could be scary, but my main focus was on my studies, so it hardly mattered. Besides, I was substantially younger than most of the other students, and I allowed myself to make the excuse that we just weren't on the same page. Albeit, it was a somewhat shabby justification, but it served its purpose.

These two were more study partners than anything, but I didn't need help studying, so, if I thought about it, I didn't really need them at all.

We walked a little further, and Liling started joking with Quing, but he didn't seem inclined to laugh, or join in. I could see from the way he glanced back and forth that he was nervous. "What if Dean Hyoka finds out? He'll kill us."

"Oh, nonsense. I'll receive few demerits, that's all. You'll get a firm lecture."

"Yeah, but what about- "

"No one asked you to come." I reminded him stiffly.

He was quiet again. Liling whined about missing lunch in the refectory.

I barely suppressed a sigh, wishing, once again, that they had both stayed at the university. We only had two hours before our next class would begin, and it seemed it would be all the more difficult to get back in time with them in tow, let alone be able to find and have a word with _her._

Besides, An Jin was a dangerous place. It was a bit larger than our home town of Cheng, and it was full of gang violence, drug rings and prostitution. A breath of fresh air compared to our stuffy, strict school.

I glanced around with interest at the dilapidated architecture and grungy, desperate people. Finding the girl with green eyes was just one reason to come to An Jin. Frankly, I'd been curious about this place ever since orientation, in which they'd mentioned that it was frowned upon to visit, and for me, as a minor, and an orphan, the complete responsibility of the school, it was irrevocably off limits.

"Hakkai." Liling pulled at my shirt sleeve, utilizing a somewhat pleading, feminine tone. "Can we stop and get lunch somewhere? We have time, don't we?"

I certainly didn't have time. Not if I was going to find the green-eyed girl. I had only two hours to accomplish my goal, and every second of those hundred and twenty minutes had to be spent focusing on that. "No."

She frowned at me, "You're always so serious, Hakkai."

"And yet, you continue to put up with me. It's a wonder you can be so patient."

They were both quiet. I think they were puzzling over whether or not I was being serious. They often had to do that, and usually, their conclusions were incorrect.

"You're welcome to get lunch." I told them, "But I'm still looking."

"Looking for what?" Quing demanded.

"The red light district." Liling muttered.

I answered impatiently, "Looking _around_. I can eat any time I choose, but there's no telling when I'll be back in An Jin."

They mumbled amongst themselves a minute or two, no doubt complaining about how odd I was, and that was fine. The only thing that mattered to me was finding _her_.

Some shouting rang out, and I hesitated, looking ahead, curiously.

There was a man attacking a girl. He was large and dirty-looking, with ill-kempt facial hair and bloodshot eyes, and she was thin, somewhat tall for a woman, with long, scarlet-red hair. "Give it up, ya' fuckin' slut!" The man screamed, making a grab for the girl, who took a quick step back, just out of his reach. She was holding something in one hand, half turned away from the man so he couldn't grab it, and he was stumbling a bit, like he was drunk.

"Great." Quing said caustically. "We got here just in time to see somebody get raped."

I rather didn't appreciate his dark humor on the matter, and I couldn't help giving him a reproachful look.

Liling grabbed onto my arm, "Um, shouldn't we…tell someone?"

I watched, more inquisitive than afraid. The girl wasn't backing off or running. From her body language and her stance, I could see that she was ready to fight. An odd thing to see in a woman, I thought. Even Liling would have been running and screaming were she to find herself in a similar position.

The man made another grab, and this time managed to get the girl by the arm. He cocked his fist back, punching her across the face. The girl fell hard, immediately scrambled to get up again, and the man kicked her down. "I'm gonna' fuck you up, kid." He produced a knife, shimmering brightly in the dull sun.

Liling gasped, holding onto me even more tightly.

I shook loose of her easily, starting forward.

"What are you doing?" Quing demanded. "Hakkai!"

I was already running, not quite sure what possessed me to do so. I'd been in my share of fights, some at the orphanage, some at school, and I knew I was good. Good enough? That remained to be seen. The important thing was to stop the man from killing her.

I jumped over the girl, lithely, putting my knee right in the man's face, seconds before he could stab. I felt his nose break, and blood sprayed across my clean, white uniform. He tumbled backward, screaming and clutching at his bleeding face, landed in a cloud of dust, and I stood over him momentarily, watching as he writhed and moaned, and then I turned around to offer the girl my hand, "Are you all right, Miss?"

She slapped my hand away, rather rudely, sat up, raking long, red hair back from her face, and I saw twin scars along her left cheek. I also saw red eyes, bright with fury, a lean chest, broad shoulders, and a complete lack of cleavage. "Who the fuck're you callin' _miss_, asshole?" He snarled, baring his teeth at me.

I was so stunned to discover the damsel in distress was, in fact, a boy, approximately my age, I could only stammer, "I…well, I…that is…you look…"

He wiped the blood off his face with the back of his wrist, got to his feet, a bit unsteadily, and shouldered past me. There was blood on his tight, white shirt as well. He Went straight to the man I'd knocked down and started wailing on him. I watched in amazement as he grabbed the bigger man by the front of the shirt, lifting him off the ground a few feet, and punched him repeatedly in the head, "Don't fuck with me, you fuckin' sonnova bitch!" He kicked him as well, and went on punching and elbow-striking until his knuckles and his forearms were streaked with blood.

"Hakkai!" Quing grabbed me, looking pale. "Let's get outta' here before we're next!" And then, he and Liling were both running, shouting back to me, but I didn't move. I stayed where I was, watching in fascination as the skinny boy proceeded to beat the living hell out of a man more than twice his size.

When he'd thrashed the man good, and it seemed he would be unconscious for a while, the boy dropped him, spun on me, hair hanging in his bruised, bloody face. "What're you lookin' at, pretty boy? Don't got anything to do besides stare at my ass?"

"Um. No. I beg your pardon, I just…"

"_'I beg your pardon'_? What're you from the hill or somethin'? Scram, before I pulverize you too."

"Excuse me." I answered coldly, "But I believe I just saved your life."

"What? Who the fuck do you think you are?" He shouldered closer, getting in my face, and I noticed he was just an inch or so taller than I, "He wasn't gonna' kill me. And I coulda' kicked his ass without you butting in, so suck my dick."

His demeanor, particularly his language, was aversive, but still, I found myself strangely drawn to him. There was something about that fire in his eyes and the ferocity in his spirit.

"I'm sorry." I said immediately, although it was something that didn't come across my lips often. "I had no intention of interfering in a man-to-man fist fight. You see, from behind, I honestly mistook you for a girl…. You can't tell me that doesn't happen occasionally."

He was still scowling, but I don't think he expected me to apologize. I think he expected me to either scream back and make threats, or run away crying, so he just shrugged, gave a brief, almost hateful tug on his hair, and then dug into the pocket of his hooded sweatshirt, producing a cigarette and lighter. He lit the thing and took a deep, almost shaky breath, "'Sall right. Happens a lot."

"Hm. Perhaps you should get it cut."

He stared at me, like the idea was completely out of the question, and then rearranged his hair, jerking it loose from where it was tucked behind his ears, and it fell over the scars on his cheek. "Yeah. Right. Good idea…"

"Hakkai." I answered automatically, although, I didn't think he'd necessarily been looking for my name.

He blinked. "Um…sure. Hakkai. Anyway, you better beat it before you get mugged or something. People wearing nice clothes don't last too long over here." With that, he turned away, gave the man on the ground one final, defiant kick to the side, and walked away, spewing smoke.

For a second, I watched him go, still feeling that curiosity and attraction burning inside my chest, and then, hardly aware of why, I followed him. "Wait, just a moment…oni-chan…"

"_Oni-chan_?" He gave me another stony look over his shoulder, "Damn, kid. You got any idea who you're talking to?"

"No. Perhaps if you'd given me your name in return for mine, as etiquette usually mandates, I would."

"You gotta' be shittin' me. What, you lose your mommy or something?"

"I'm only asking for your name."

"What's it to you?"

"Not a thing. I would just be…obliged if you'd tell me your name."

For a long, long time, he stood and gave me the strangest look, an expression I couldn't quite make sense of, and I watched him go through a phase of different emotions. He started out by looking invariably annoyed, and then slightly curious himself, and by the time we'd been staring at each other for a few minutes, he seemed somewhat more relaxed, "Gojyo."

"Gojyo?"

"Yep. Sha Gojyo. Can I do something for you, or what?"

"Oh, no…I…I do feel bad, mistaking you for a girl, you know."

"Still? That was like five minutes ago. I'm over it, you should be too."

"Just the same, I'd like to make it up to you."

Something cautious entered his eyes, and he glanced around, as if someone were going to sneak up on him. "How?"

He certainly was a suspicious, paranoid person. "Lunch?" I suggested.

Gojyo's eyes flicked up and down, sizing me up, "You…wanna' to buy me lunch?"

"I suppose so."

"What?" He snapped, "Think I can't get food by myself? What makes you think I'm not loaded? It so happens, my dad's the richest fuck in town, so take your free, fucking pity lunch and cram it up your ass."

That got me a bit ruffled, and I started to lose my composure, "I don't believe you. And even if it is true, I wasn't offering you a so-called 'pity lunch'."

"Yeah, then what're you tryin' to do?"

"Well, I don't know. I'm hungry, and I thought you might like to join me."

"What is wrong with you? Your dick screwed on backwards or something? Do you even know where you are? Nobody comes to this side of the tracks and tries to buy people lunch! You'll get yourself mugged."

"Mugged? Over lunch?" I cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Damn straight, over lunch. If people think you've got money, they're gonna' take it from you. Like that ass back there."

"I couldn't help but notice _you_ haven't tried to mug me."

That seemed to stump him, and he actually shut up for a moment or two. "Yeah, well I ain't a mugger, that's all."

"Then I don't see what harm there could possibly be in my buying you lunch."

"Dammit, you're persistent. Seriously. What's your angle? Does it look like I got anything a rich prick like you needs?"

That was the last straw for me, and I snapped, "Oh, enough. I've never met anyone so unbelievably ungrateful in all my life—here I offer to buy you food, as a gesture of apology, and you have the nerve to call me names _and_ act as if I'm doing you some great insult. It's a free lunch, for goodness sake."

Gojyo started to say something else, and then…slowly, he seemed to think it over again, ran his hand back through his hair, and in another second, he looked considerably sheepish. "Look, I'm sorry. Forget it, man. I just…this's weird, you know?"

"I have no doubt that it is, Gojyo-san. Now do you want lunch or not?"

He pulled his sweatshirt tighter over his shoulders, took one long, hard look behind him, and then, suddenly, he was grinning at me. It was…bizarre. Seeing someone go from being unshakably hostile to friendly in the blink of an eye like that was one of the strangest things I'd ever seen, and it was infectious somehow.

I felt the corners of my mouth threatening to tug upward as well.

"Alright then, let's go."

"Very well then. Do you know a good place?"

"Ha. Not somewhere a well-bred dude like you's gonna' wanna' go to. You better pick."

Almost half an hour later, I found myself uptown, where the buildings were nicer, and there were fewer youkai, and everyone was well-dressed and pleasant, sitting in a café called the Ching-Lan. I watched the people on the street go calmly about their lives, and Gojyo slouched in the chair across from me, smoking and staring at the menu with a decidedly perplexed gaze. When the waiter finally came, I ordered a bowl of lo mein with a side of chicken, and Gojyo asked for more time. Twice.

"Hey, dude. What's good?"

"Oh, I don't know. I usually pick the first thing I see on a menu like this."

He glanced at me over the top of his menu, testing to see if I was serious, "What are you getting?"

"Lo mein."

"That sounds good." He kept staring at the menu, and then he finally ordered a bowl of wok tossed noodles with beef tips, a side of steamed sea bass rolls, some egg drop soup and a beer. It was all rather expensive, but I decided it would be rude to complain after I'd been so insistent that he come to lunch with me, so I accepted it without a word.

The waiter looked at him rather disdainfully, "ID?"

Gojyo flashed a card at him, and the waiter went on his way.

"How odd. You don't look old enough to drink." He didn't look a day over fifteen.

"Pft. Yeah, well, I ain't gonna' let that stop me."

I nodded, taking a sip of water and watching the people a while longer.

Gojyo smoked in silence a while, and then suddenly leaned forward, "Hey, where're you from?"

"I'm Hakkai, remember? Not 'dude', and not 'hey'. Hakkai."

"Hey, frowny-face."

I turned to him, saw the mischievous grin was back, cocked to one side, cigarette barely hanging out the other. His eyes were sparkling.

"Where're you from?"

"Do you mean to ask me where I was born?"

"Nah, I mean where'd you come from today? You ain't from Jin, right?"

"No. I came down from Cheng."

"_Cheng_?"

"I see you've heard of it."

"Shit, what in the hell are you doing _here_? Who in their right mind comes down from Cheng to visit a shitty place like An Jin?"

"People with nothing more exciting to do, I suppose."

"Damn. Wish my life was that boring."

"Where are you from?"

"Here."

"I meant originally."

"Oh. Just a shitty little place up north. It was worse than here…_that's_ why _I_ came down. See, maybe you don't know this, but people tend to try to work their way _up_, not down."

"Ah. Is that how it is? Hm. In that case, I believe I've been doing it wrong."

"Easy fix though, man." He ground the cigarette out and immediately began another, "Get your posh ass back to Cheng and don't ever think about An Jin again."

"That sounds like good advice, but I'm afraid I can't."

"Don't tell me you got business in this dump."

"No, not exactly business. See…there's…a girl."

Gojyo leaned forward again, eyes fixed on me with extreme interest, "A chick huh? She hot?"

For the first time, I felt a little odd, being so open with this complete stranger. I couldn't exactly put my finger on why I'd invited him to lunch, and I could hardly believe I was on the verge of telling him about the girl with the green eyes. I hadn't told anyone at Cheng about her.

"Who could say?" I murmured.

He waited a while, expecting me to continue, and then he snorted, "Hell, I could. Let me get a look at this tart and I'll tell ya' if she's hot or not."

"Is that so?" I strained not to show any annoyance with him, but I didn't like the way he was talking about my green-eyed girl.

"I'm an expert on chicks." He flashed me another grin.

"That's odd, seeing how you're barely a man."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean, 'barely a man'? Hey, I didn't come here to be insulted, asshole!"

"Feel free to leave."

"What? You crazy? First you practically force me to have lunch with you, and then you say you don't care if I leave. Make up your mind."

The waiter returned at that precise moment, setting our respective dishes in front of us, bowing humbly, and backing away.

Gojyo stared down at his food, mouth hanging open. "Shit."

I picked up my chop sticks and began quietly eating my noodles.

He didn't wait a second longer before diving in. I'd never in my life seen anyone eat with such desperation, sometimes using the chopsticks, sometimes not, stuffing his face as quickly as he could, hunched over the plate, as if someone was going to take it from him, pausing only occasionally to quaff from his glass of beer. It was such a manic approach to dining, I found myself wholly distracted, holding a scoop of lo mein halfway to my mouth for a full two minutes as I watched him scarf down the noodles, the soup, cram a roll in his mouth whole, and drink most of his beer.

"You…I mean, don't you ever eat?"

He swallowed before answering, which I was unbelievably grateful for, "'Course I eat. What kinda' dumb question is that?"

I took a moment to take notice of how skinny he was, and doubted severely what he was telling me. "It was stupid, I suppose."

Gojyo started to say something else, when a woman in her mid thirties suddenly came up behind him, setting a hand on his shoulder. She had short, dark hair and dark eyes, was dressed in a flattering dress, and had a very…particular kind of smile, "Well, hello, Honey. Didn't think I'd ever see you up on this side of town."

Gojyo froze for a split second, looking like he'd been caught in some obscene act, eyes tilted up to look at the woman, but the rest of his face stayed perfectly still. And then he smiled, quite charmingly. "Well, look who it is. What's up, babe?"

"I didn't mean to interrupt, I just wanted to say hello. If you're busy, I can come around later."

At first, the exchange was little more than odd to me, and then, I noticed the way she slid her hand down Gojyo's back and leaned over to speak close to his face, and I realized the truth, abruptly.

"Naw, it's cool. I'll see you later, huh?"

She went right on smiling, lasciviously, and it was a bit disquieting, seeing how she was probably almost old enough to be his mother, "God, you've got gorgeous eyes, kiddo. Yeah, I think I'm hooked. I'll be seeing you later." Threading his fingers briefly through Gojyo's hair, she winked at me, "Don't rough him up too much, pretty boy. Alright?" Then she was off, and out the door.

As soon as she was gone, Gojyo blinked, like he was waking up from a long, strange sleep, and then he lowered his eyes, tilting his head forward so the hair formed a curtain around his face, smiling crookedly, "Uh. Sorry. About that."

I had no idea what to say. Part of me honestly wanted to be disgusted. I thought it might even make the most sense to get up and walk away as well. But a larger part of me wished I could simply forget it had happened, and the biggest part of me, really wanted to say that I was the one who was sorry, though I wasn't sure what for.

Gojyo was obviously waiting for my reaction, so I opted to pretend I hadn't understood, "Oh, not at all. A friend of yours?"

"Somethin' like that."

I went back to eating, but he kept sitting there like if he moved, someone else would jump up and grab him.

I considered the exchange while I waited for him to come back to life. It was impossible to deny that the encounter had been mildly sexual, and I wondered just what sort of life he was living that had driven him to be…

I didn't want to consider anymore.

"Eat." I suggested. "From the look of you, not even God knows where your next meal is coming from."

Gojyo slanted an uncertain look at me, before slowly returning to his meal. "Tell me about your girl."

"There's not much to tell. We've never met."

He nodded like that was perfectly normal. "So you stalk her on weekends or something?"

"Between classes, actually."

"Sounds fun."

I suppose he was taking it as a given that I attended Cheng University, and if he wasn't, I had no desire to tell him.

"What about you, Gojyo-san? Do you have a girlfriend?"

"Nah, I don't really 'date' people."

I didn't dare comment there, so I sat and tried to think of something else to say.

While I was thinking, yet another person came along, and this time, seeing how it was a man, I had to suppress an uncomfortable sigh. I'd rather not listen to another awkward exchange.

The man was a bit younger, though he was a good four or five years older than either of us, and he had short, bleached blonde hair, and long, youkai ears, a mark over his left eye, and, oddly enough, not so much as a trace of eyebrows, "Goo-jyoo-chaa-an. Hey, what in the hell are you doing all the way up _here_?"

Gojyo gave him a dirty look, "Geez, I dunno', Banri, I can't see that far either."

"Hey, turd, don't gime' that cute shit. I been lookin' all over for you. And where in the fuck did you get the money to eat _here_?"

I saw Gojyo glance at me, and then he shrugged, "Made a lotta' money today. What about you, asswipe? You make anything?"

"What's that supposed to mean? I always make good money. Anyway." Banri leaned on Gojyo's chair, "You coulda' dug through the dumpster out back. It's cheaper."

"Well, shit. Why didn't I think of that?"

"Because you're a dumb ass."

"Watch who you're callin' dumb ass, dumb ass. I bailed your fuckin' ass out yesterday morning."

"And believe me, buddy, I appreciate that, but now it's time to go, so grab a doggy bag, or whatever they have in this upscale fish-shack, and let's scram. Dasha's askin' for you."

Gojyo finally stopped eating, and his tone turned flat, "What's he want?"

"I don't fuckin' know, but if I don't get you over there soon, it's my head, so finish your beer and let's beat it." For the first time, Banri seemed to notice me. "Who's the prep?"

"Some kid. I don't know. This was the only place to sit."

Banri glanced around, and I doubted he'd be stupid enough to not notice the empty tables, but he didn't say anything aside from, "Nica' him to tolerate you, huh?" He smiled on me, eyes narrowing, and there was something I didn't like about him right away. "Hey. Thanks for lettin' my mutt sit with you, Money."

_Mutt?_

Gojyo ground his teeth, his eyes turned hard as rubies, and I thought he'd launch into another fit of anger, but he kept his mouth shut.

"It's nothing." I said coolly, but I didn't look at Banri. "Honestly, Gojyo-san. Nothing."

"Ooo, Gojyo-_san_. I kinda' like that." Banri laughed and dug his knuckles into Gojyo's scalp, "Anyway, we better beat it, Gojyo_-san_. Dasha's in a bad mood today."

After that, everything happened very quickly. Banri grabbed Gojyo's arm and pulled him to his feet. Gojyo put out his cigarette, swallowed the last of his beer. He met my gaze, but just for a second; I thought he'd say something_, anything_ really, but he just gave me another smile, only this one was sad somehow, and I knew it was the only sort of thanks I was going to get. Then, he turned and followed Banri out the door.

I sat a while longer, thinking. I thought a long, long time actually, well past the time I should have been back in class, but I never felt that I'd drawn an honest conclusion. Everything I'd seen and heard today was…bizarre. There were elements outside the strangeness—sinister moments, moments that felt almost dangerous, shadows passed over the event one by one, there was a pallor of despair and chaos, but always Gojyo's spirit was at the center of it, brave and relentless and somehow very… tender, even when his mouth was shouting obscenities and threats.

By the time I paid for the meal and walked back to Cheng, the only thing I knew for sure was that I would like to see him again.

* * *

**Gojyo**

_Why did he do that?_

No matter how I thought about it, or which way I tried to look at it, I just couldn't get it to make sense. At first, when he'd approached me, I'd believed him about being a good citizen who wanted to help out the damsel in distress—even if it did turn out that the damsel was me instead—but when he'd followed me and offered to buy me lunch, I'd been sure that he was after something. But hey, free food was free food, and for all I knew, I could cheat him or scam him or something.

I'd had my chances, I guess, and I hadn't taken them. I don't know if it's because he _had_ stepped in when dozens of other people would have just walked away, or because he bought me lunch and seemed genuinely nice, or if I was just going soft, but the longer I'd sat there with him, the less I'd wanted to take advantage of him—I was even a little sorry for ordering such expensive food-the more certain I'd been that he didn't want to take anything from me. By the time Banri came along, I was pretty sure he was the only person I'd seen all day who didn't want _something_ from me.

Why though? That was the part I couldn't figure out. Who in their right mind went around feeding worthless gutter punks like me and then didn't ask for some kind of favor in return?

Hakkai looked like a rich boy, so maybe he didn't need anything from me. I had heard that there were some rich people who actually gave their money away to help those less fortunate than they were, but I could hardly believe I had met one.

I walked shoulder to shoulder with Banri, neither of us saying anything, and now we were back on our dingy, dirty, rotten side of town, where there was a crack whore on every corner, and a thief hiding in every alley. _Home sweet home._ I thought bitterly, and then I pictured Hakkai going back to Cheng, where he belonged, probably to some big, fancy house with a dog and a maid and a father who wore and suit and was never around, and a mom who sat and ate chocolates and got fat. It made me feel sort of jealous.

"Dasha didn't tell you what he wants?" I asked Banri.

"Nope. He said 'bring Gojyo to me', and that was it."

That was upsetting. I hadn't seen Dasha in weeks, but I knew as well as everyone else in this business did that when he called for you, it was very rarely good news. Usually, he figured out what he wanted to do next, and then he told his right-hand man, and then _he_ told somebody, like Banri, and Banri told me. I was the last to know, always.

"Did I do somethin' wrong?" I tried to sound flippant and unconcerned, but my heart was starting to beat a little faster.

Banri laughed, "I dunno', buddy. Did'ja?"

"Who knows. Dasha probably just wants my advice on somethin', as usual."

"Oo, maybe he wants to know how you get rich kids to buy you lunch. _I_ wanna' know that."

"He didn't buy my lunch."

"I didn't see you pay a bill."

"Ever heard of dine and dash?"

Banri gave me a long, curious look, but I ignored him. I don't know why I didn't want him to know about Hakkai buying lunch for me. For whatever reason, I knew that would be really bad.

We rounded the corner, and Dasha's place was in view. The old theater building had been condemned a long time ago when they decided to build a new one, over in a nicer district, but for some reason, they'd never torn this one down. Probably because Dasha was paying off the demo committee to leave it alone. Or intimidating them. It made a good enough hideout.

I hesitated, blowing some smoke out my nose. "How long ago did you say he asked for me?"

"Heh. You ain't nervous, are ya'?"

"Eat me, Banri—you wouldn't wanna' see Dasha either."

"Nobody ever wants to see Dasha. Don't worry about it though—we just a coupla' contractors, remember? He can't do anything to us."

I doubted Banri believed that anymore than I did. Dasha ran this whole town, so he could do whatever he wanted to anybody who pissed him off. "How long, Banri?"

"Just a couple hours."

A couple hours could mean getting my head smashed rather than my knees. I threw my cigarette down. "Shit fuck."

"Hey, if you hadn't been jerkin' off uptown, it wouldn't have taken so long, so there's nobody to blame but yourself."

That was true. And the longer I stood out here, chewing my cigarette and worrying and stalling, the pissier Dasha was going to be when I finally went inside, so I stepped past Banri, taking the lead as we went around to the side door.

Inside, the place was even colder than outside: it was big and empty and drafty, with rotting rafters, torn curtains, and creaky, wooden floors. A group of guys were sitting around on overturned boxes and crates, playing cards, smoking and cursing.

Bang saw me right away and got up, throwing his cigarette down disdainfully, "Well, well, well, if it ain't everybody's favorite, half-blood bitch. Where you been all morning, sweetie? Nobody could find ya' anywhere."

"Get the fuck outta' my face, Bang." I growled. "Your breath smells like a dirty vagina."

"Now you would know, wouldn't ya'?"

"At least I see a vagina every now and then." I grinned at him, harshly. Really, I'd rather beat his fucking face black and blue, but I knew better. Dasha tended to favor Bang, and I didn't think he'd like it if I kicked the crap out of him.

Bang shoved me hard, slamming me back into Banri, "Yeah, you suck cock more often than I do too."

I pushed Banri away, "You lookin' to get knifed today, Bang?"

"I think the only one who's gonna' get shived is _you_, punk. Dasha's pretty pissed with you."

"Gime' a break. That's supposed to scare me? Listen up, dickhead—I don't work for Dasha, I do him a favor. And I ain't scared of him."

"Oh, is that so?" Dasha's voice said, right behind me.

I turned to see him crawling out of the shadows, just like the creepy asshole he was. His long, dark hair was pulled back today, his violet eyes seemed to glow, and every inch of his bare chest and arms was covered in intricate tattoos. He was carrying a long, wicked-looking knife with him. Right away, the other guys were standing up, looking attentive and nervous.

Banri and I glanced at each other, and then I smiled, "'Sup, Dasha? Man, you walked in on the wrong part of the conversation."

Dasha smiled back. There was something indescribably creepy about his smile—it was almost gentle, like he was looking at a long-time friend, but his eyes were full of poison and hatred. "Don't mock me, boy. I heard the whole thing."

"Good. We know those long-ass ears of yours are workin' right. Want me to do an eye exam next?"

The creepy smile was gone as fast as it had come, his mouth twisted into a vicious snarl, and he took a single swipe at me. I felt the tip of the knife whip past the bridge of my nose.

"Guess that's a no." Banri mumbled.

"I suggest you watch your steps. You smart asses are on thin ice already, you know." Dasha seemed to purr, and that only added to his creepiness.

"Me?" Banri whined. "What'd I do? I been in jail all week, boss."

"I sent you to go get him almost three hours ago, Banri. What, may I ask, took so long?"

"It wasn't my fault, Dasha—the kid was-"

"Busy." I interrupted. "My bad. Anyway, I'm here now, so what'dya' need?"

"The money from the Ginju job." He answered, cool and composed again, voice deathly quiet, "Where is it?"

I paused, looked up at Banri, but he was being super careful not to meet my gaze. I tried to think of a way to stall, but everybody was staring at me—except for asshole Banri, of course. "Um. I'm sorry, what? I think my ears must not work as well as yours do."

Dasha's face stayed perfectly emotionless as he hauled off and backhanded me across the cheek, with what seemed to be all his might. I stumbled and flipped back over the overturned crate the guys had been playing cards on. Dasha dragged me to my feet by my hair and boxed my ears a couple of times. He raised his voice, practically shouting in my face, "The _Ginju_ job, hanyou. You'd better hurry and tell me where it is."

"Oh." I sucked in a deep breath. He hit harder than Mom used to, but I could handle it. "The _Ginju_ job. I don't got it."

A look of murder crossed his face, and I thought he'd knife me there. "Why not?"

"Because." I looked at Banri again, but he wasn't saying anything, "Because I-"

Dasha smacked me again. My lip started gushing blood. "Don't look at him, _I'm_ talking to you."

"Right. Sorry. How could I forget?"

This time he punched me so hard in the stomach, it knocked the wind out of me, and I would have fallen to my knees if he weren't still holding me up by the hair. "Where's the money, Gojyo?"

Everyone was just staring as I got my ass handed to me. That really pissed me off, and I couldn't believe Banri wasn't going to say anything. He was just going to wait to see what I did.

Dasha was hitting me again, but I was numbing to it, letting the blows fall, trying not to think too much about it. "You had three days to do that job, hanyou. I should have had my money yesterday. Now don't tell me you wasted _my_ money on cards and women."

"No, no, of course not. I mean, I lost it, but-"

The fury in his eyes was so terrifying, I wasn't sure I could stand up to it, and then he slammed my head hard, into his knee, let me slump to the ground like a sack of meat. For what felt like forever, I laid there on the freezing, cold floor, trying to catch my breath, feeling the mind-numbing pain throb through my skull, and cursing the shit out of Banri in my head.

Dasha stood over me, his bleak voice calling to me through the darkness, "What do you mean, you lost it?"

"Got mugged today." I choked, just so he'd stop hitting me. "I swear to God, I was bringin' you the money, Dasha. This guy jumped me from behind, took the money. He almost fuckin' stabbed me."

Dasha was silent a second, but he must have believed me, because he just scoffed and gave me a light kick in the ribs. Almost like he was rewarding me for telling him the truth by not kicking the shit out of me. "Well, I wish he'd just killed you."

_Yeah._ I thought, _I kinda' do too._

"And how, may I ask, do you intend to get back the money you lost?"

He seemed to be done beating on me, so I sat up on my hands and knees, face hidden behind my hair. "I…can get it back. It was only a few million yen."

Bang laughed suddenly, "Only a few million. How're you gonna' win that back, punky? By cheatin' at cards and jerking off in front of people?"  
The others all laughed, but I didn't have time to worry about Bang. I was just hoping against hope that Dasha wouldn't decapitate me right here, right now. "I can get it back, Dasha. I just need a little bit of time."

"Bang is right; you can't get this kind of money by playing cards."

"All right, so I'll find another way. It doesn't matter—I'll get the money back."

"Wu."

I was quiet a second, wondering if I'd heard wrong. "Wu?"

"Go to Wu. Sneak inside—there's a medallion there, gold, encrusted with an amethyst the size of your eyeball. Bring that back to me, and I'll overlook your blunder."

"But Wu's a fortress—there's no way I can sneak in all by myself and-"

He reached down and grabbed me by the chin, suddenly, tilting my head up and looking me in the eyes. His long, youkai claws scraped along the edge of my jaw, "You will go to Wu, Gojyo, and you will bring the medallion to me in two days, or else you had better run to the farthest corner of the world, because if you fail me again, I'll make your life so terrible, you will beg to die." With that, he released my face, pushed me back down with his heavy, leather boot, and walked away, as silently as he'd come.

Slowly, the others backed away too, snickering and jeering at me. "Good luck, _hanyou_." Wang called.

Bang laughed loudly, "Yeah, if we're lucky, your cursed ass won't come back."

I pulled myself to my feet, stood there wiping blood off my face and testing to see if anything was broken, and then, when I was sure they were all gone, I turned on Banri, who was leaning back, casually smoking, "What the fuck's your problem, _partner_? Couldn't throw in a good word for your pal?"

"What would I have told him?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe 'Gojyo doesn't have the money because I talked him into using most of it to pay my bail yesterday, then stole the rest while he was asleep so I could have a good time.'?"

"Don't take it like that; I knew he wasn't really gonna' hurt'cha'. He likes you, and he hates me—if I'd told him that, he probably woulda' killed me."

"You're a sick, sorry excuse for a partner." I snapped.

"Yeah, well you didn't tell him either. I wonder why _that_ is?"

"Because I'm a good partner, asswipe. You better help me get that fucking medallion out of Wu."

"Don't even joke. I ain't goin' near Wu again. Last time I tried ta' bust into that place, they had a wanted poster of my face up for two years. I had to leave town and everything."

"You've been in there before—I need your help."

"Nothin' doin', baby boy. You're on your own for the Wu job."

"Goddamn, you're a fucking waste of life, Banri. The only reason I have to go to Wu in the first place is because I bailed your ass out! Shit!" I scraped the hair away from my face, "Why do I listen to you?"

"Excuse the shit out of me for not wanting to wait around for you to come up with the money to post my bail. Anyway, I thought you said you could make it back."

"Well, I could have. I got some of it last night, and then today—"

"You went and jerked around up on the hill. See? It's your own fault."

"It's _your _fault, Banri, and you know it."

"Fine. Be that way. I got better things to do than hang around here and argue with you about something stupid like this, so have fun at Wu." He turned away from me without even thinking about it, and started to follow the others.

My heart sank a little, and I tried calling after him, "C'mon, wait a minute, Banri."

He didn't even act like he heard me.

"Banri!"

Still nothing. I hung around a few seconds, thinking he might change his mind and come back, but I already knew how stupid that was, so I kicked once at the ground, lit another cigarette, and left.

I guess I knew I should get started on the Wu job right away, go over there and scout around, or something. It was going to be a hard job to pull by myself. The Wu estate was the most heavily guarded piece of property in An Jin, complete with a personal army to keep an eye on the valuables inside, comprised of three different buildings: the gallery, the guest house, and the mansion itself, and there was no telling which one the medallion Dasha wanted was in. To make matters worse, half the estate was covered by a complicated maze, where it would be easy to get lost if you didn't know where you were going. Chances were, I'd just get electrocuted at the fence and not even have to worry about the maze, or the armed forces, or the attack dogs.

I couldn't believe that dickhead Banri had been in there before and wasn't going to help me.

Maybe if I did a little research, I could at least figure out where the medallion was stashed. Having an informant would be helpful, but that would take a little money, and I only had two days to get back to Dasha.

"What a nightmare." I muttered.

Anyway, I couldn't make a move until I had some cash, so that meant a quick trip to the local bar, where I could get a much-needed drink, and maybe some pussy. If I found a girl who didn't mind the way Dasha had fucked up my face.

_I guess with me, it's always gotta' be some girl who doesn't mind a little cosmetic damage._ I fingered my scars absently.

The bar was full of people I knew, as usual—mostly guys I knew off a strictly poker-level basis, a couple low-end dudes from Dasha's gang, a handful of chicks who'd all fucked me, and my favorite bartender, Tai.

Tai was this tall, muscular chick with a slender waist, big boobs, and manly arms and shoulders. She had long, wavy hair she kept dyed dark purple, ruby-painted lips, a couple facial piercings, and she always kept a gun hidden in a strap on her thigh. For all her warrior-like looks though, Tai was really just a big softy, with a face carved by angels.

"Hey there, Mama." I greeted, leaning off the bar. "How about the usual?"

"Gojyo." She gave me a wide-eyed look with her doe eyes, her normally soft voice pitched a little higher than usual, "What happened to you?"

"Martial arts club, you know. Damn, my sensei is one strict sonnova bitch."

Tai didn't believe me, and I didn't care. The more concerned she was about me, the closer I was to scoring with her. For some reason, I'd never been able to get her to go all the way with me—I was lucky if I got a quick kiss on the cheek at the end of the night—but I didn't know if it was because she was eleven years older than me, or if there was something else getting in the way.

She kept her eyes on my face as she served up my drink; a long time ago, she'd quit checking my ID. She knew I wasn't old enough, she knew my ID was fake, but she still served me whenever I flashed it. I didn't get that either.

"You look terrible." She commented quietly.

"And you look sexy as shit."

Tai touched my hand, "You're not in trouble, are you? Do you need a place to crash?"

"Hey, if you finally wanna' take me home, I can be in all the trouble you want."

"Gojyo." She scolded, "Stop it. Who did this to you?"

I shrugged, took a slug off my drink, turned my back to her, "Nobody important. Just Dasha."

"Why?"

"Hell if I know. PMS or something."

"Are you sure you don't need a place to crash—I've got a nice couch."

"I'm all right." I watched as a few of my regular drinking buddies sat down to start a round of five card, picked up my drink to go join them.

"If you need anything, don't be afraid to ask."

"There is just one thing. You wouldn't happen to know anybody who works on the Wu estate, would you?"

"Wu?" I could practically hear her thick, red lips frowning, "Boy, what in the world do _you_ want with the Wu mansion?"

"I'm just tryin' to keep my dick from being turned into hamburger. You know somebody?"

"What in the world does he want you going in there for?"

"It's none of your business, Tai." I slammed down a little more alcohol, "Now do you know someone or not?"

She was quiet a while. "The head maid and me went to school together. I could arrange a meeting."

"Could you arrange it for, say…tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow?"  
"Tonight would be better. No later than tomorrow."

"I could try."

"Thanks, babe. That'd be a big help." I flashed a smile at her—the best damn smile I had—and then headed for the five card game.

Tai grabbed my arm, "Gojyo. Please do yourself a favor and stay away from the Wu estate. Those people are so rich…they can do anything they want to you and probably get away with it."

I didn't answer. My whole life it had seemed like anyone could do whatever they wanted to me and get away with it. So what was new about that?

"I'm sure it doesn't feel like you have a choice, but there's always a choice."

"Not this time. Not for me. If I don't do this, Dasha'll kill me. No, even that would be merciful."

"Then get away from him. If you run now, maybe he won't chase you. You don't owe him that much money."

"Only a couple thousand."

"Then you should leave tonight."

I sighed, "It's just not that simple, Tai. I've seen that guy kill over a steak cooked the wrong way."

"I still think you should try."

Gently, I shook her off, "Don't worry about it, okay? Just set up the meeting."

I knew Tai didn't like that, but what could I do? I didn't work a business you just ran out on one day, not if you valued your life.

_Except…I don't really._ I thought as I went to join the guys at poker.

They were all "happy" to see me, and "concerned" about my injuries. The girls wanted to hang off me and baby me and pet my hair. To any outsider, I figured I looked cool, serene, and in control. I probably seemed popular, and social and funny, but inside, for a long time now, I had felt my heart slowly starting to whither away, and when I looked around at the people I was with, I saw the scorn in their eyes, the disgust on their lips. Even now, I was sickening to them, so imagine how they'd look at me if they found out what I was. Even the kid who bought me lunch today would wrinkle his nose in aversion and run the other way if he discovered the truth.

I didn't think I could keep wearing this mask forever.


	2. Chapter 2

***Note: The more I look back on this, the more fluffy it seems.**

**:3 Oh well…**

**Enjoy it anyway.**

* * *

**2.**

**Drowning Lessons -**

Let's say Goodbye for the Hundredth time  
Then, tomorrow we'll do it again…

**In Which a Discovery is made and a Friendship Begins**

* * *

**Hakkai**

As Quing had predicted, I received a demerit for going into An Jin, which was composed of two things, the first being a lengthy lecture from the dean, Professor Hyako, and the second being confinement to campus for the next week. It wasn't so bad, all in all. Quing and Liling kept it quiet that they had been there too, and Quing even had the nerve to tell me that he'd 'told me so'. They wanted to know what had happened with the boy I'd met, why I'd been gone for so long, but I told them I chased after them, got separated, and was simply lost in town for a few hours. They seemed to believe me.

Jing-Sheng did not.

Jing-Sheng was my room mate, and four years my senior, with a serious demeanor, and an incapacity for anything that didn't somehow involve school. He, like me, had come to this place at an early age, and now he was only a year or so from graduating with his medical degree.

When I told him the lie about being lost in An Jin all afternoon, he shook his head at me, "The Hakkai I know doesn't get so much as turned around, let alone lost, but if that's the story you intend to stick to, I'll pretend not to know any better."

"That would be helpful, thank-you."

Several days passed, and I resolved to put what had happened in An Jin—including my encounter with Gojyo—out of my mind. I had studies to see to, lessons to learn, and a life to take seriously. My future depended on how well I did at this school, and I would not jeopardize that for anything.

So, I forgot about the bizarre, meeting I'd had, and paid attention to my studies.

I also kept up my search for _her_. I watched for her in the halls and searched through the gardens for her. I was ever-watchful when I took my meals in the refectory, and I asked around about her amongst people I assumed were her peers, but no one ever seemed to know who I was talking about.

Still, I wouldn't allow that to off-set me. If we were in fact, both attending this school, as I knew we were, it would only be a matter of time before we crossed paths, and then my questions would be answered.

Things, I thought, would continue to run smoothly.

However, on the second day of my probation, something changed that pattern of thinking.

I was sitting in my physiology class, and it was early in the morning. Already, the lecture had been in session for two hours, and I was beginning to lose focus out of boredom. After all, the professor was merely covering the basics of the reproduction system, and it was something, I felt, everyone in the class should already understand.

He finished detailing the male reproduction system, and then moved on to the female reproduction, concluded by saying, "As far as reproductive organs go, youkai are built identically to humans. That is discussed on page five-hundred and twenty of your text book, but the information is repetitive, so I won't be going over it."

I thought it was a bit miraculous in itself that he recognized the redundancy he would be imposing on us.

So we had finally come to the end of the most boring lecture in all of history, and I was eagerly hoping that our next topic would be substantially more interesting, when a rude boy in the back row called out, "Hey, prof! How about hybrids? I heard they got both."

With barely concealed annoyance, I looked back at him, and then, it suddenly occurred to me that I wasn't sure what he was talking about.

"No way." The young man next to him argued, nudging him with his elbow, "They don't have _anything_."

The two of them had a laugh, and the rest of the class began to murmur.

Professor Hao cleared his throat, "If by hybrids you are referring to the _hanyou_—the unholy spawn of a human and a youkai—then I'm sorry to inform you that, never having had the misfortune of coming across one, let alone being provided the disturbing opportunity to examine one, I cannot say with any certainty what _that_ part of them is like."

"Is it in our book?" A girl questioned, thumbing through a few pages.

"Ugh. Certainly not. Hanyou are not people, and there's very little reason for anyone to bother studying them, let alone recording what they learn."

"They're gross." Someone near me said, knowledgably, "One used to live in the mountains near my home town—it had hair like blood and creepy, red eyes."

"I've heard they can't procreate." Another student added.

"All true." Professor Hao nodded. "But most importantly, class, the Children of Taboo are afflicted with an unbreakable cure. Their very existence is forbidden."

_Red hair and eyes?_

_"Thanks for lettin' my mutt sit with ya', Money."_

Could it be?

I raised my hand at once, and the Professor called on me momentarily.

"Excuse me, Professor Hao, but I'd like to know more, if I may take up a moment of your time. Are there any distinguishable features about these…Children of Taboo?"

"They are quite commonplace in a human society, I'm afraid. They don't have the intricate birth marks that full-blooded youkai have, and their ears are round, as a human's. As we've already covered, the most obvious suggestion that you're dealing with a hanyou is that it will have bright red hair and eyes to match. Never the less, most humans don't know a hanyou when they see them, and many don't even realize they exist—they're exceedingly rare beasts."

He surveyed the class, "I'd like to move away from this rather…appalling topic now, class. There are far more valuable things to discuss."

Regardless of what Professor Hao thought, after class, I found myself in the school library, poring every book I could find that had even the remotest mention of _hanyou_, _hybrid, _or_ Child of Taboo. _I found precious little information—learned nothing that I hadn't already heard in class—and came across but one photograph. It had been taken of a pair of young children, aged approximately six and four. The elder child was a girl, with human features and pale, blonde hair. The younger, had hair as bright and red as a crisp, ripe apple, and eyes like twin drops of blood.

_Gojyo…_

I studied the photo a while longer. It was somewhat disturbing, actually. It looked as if the younger child—the hybrid—was dead, a single, bleeding wound in his chest. It appeared he'd been shot, and now he was dying. The other child stood nearby, watching with more curiosity than fear.

"…_the Children of Taboo are afflicted with an unbreakable curse. Their very existence is forbidden."_

What sort of curse?

I thought I might be too curious to not find out.

Not one hour later, I found myself in An Jin again, a brown, paper sack in hand, watching attentively for any sign of him.

I circled through the seedy part of town, and I felt that all eyes were on me now, but I had dressed down for the trip this time, wearing a pair of jeans and an old sweatshirt I'd borrowed from a class mate, and I had an eight inch hunting knife riding on my hip. Besides, I was sixteen—not a child.

It was a crisp day, the morning still peaking, and the air smelled of soot and iron and smoke.

Here and there, when I found a person who looked relatively sane, I'd question them about Gojyo. Mostly, all I got in return was a suspicious look, a terse shake of the head, a brusque no, and they hurried away. It was almost another hour before an old woman, wrapped in filthy, ragged robes, wearing a rough dress, approached me, reaching out with gnarled hands and smiling with a nearly toothless mouth. "Two blocks down." She rasped.

I had just been asking a man who appeared to be of an honest, blue collar occupation, if he knew anything about Gojyo, and was rather distracted when she spoke. "I beg your pardon."

"The young man you're looking for. He lives two blocks down. In the Eastern district." She pointed a long, crooked finger down the street. "Last apartment on the left. Can't miss it, my boy." And then she cackled.

I thanked her, gave her a small amount of money for her help, and continued, but the scene two blocks down was far more dismal than I'd pictured. It was a shabby, little, narrow street with dark, gloomy, stone buildings built close together, and it reeked of sewage and rotting food. There were a few whorish looking women huddled on the corner, and they flashed hollow smiles at me as I passed. All around me, I heard the sounds of bottles breaking and men shouting. It was such a cluttered, bleak space, I found myself feeling claustrophobic.

No matter. In another minute or so, I was standing in front of an unmarked door, the last one on the left side of the block, but when I knocked, no one answered.

I tried several times, but still, there was nothing. It appeared he wasn't home. If I left the bag, I assumed it would be taken before he could come home and find it, but maybe I could leave a note. What would it say?

"Why are you even doing this, Hakkai?" I asked myself, and then, just as I was starting to leave, the door sprang open.

"Banri?"

I turned back to see him standing in the doorway, looking somewhat stunned, cigarette in one hand, beer can in the other.

"Afraid not. It's me."

"You?" He blinked, and I half-thought he wouldn't know who I was. Then he said, "Oh. Hey. I didn't recognize you without your cadet uniform, or whatever it is."

"My school uniform, actually."

"Whatever it is." He repeated, "Anyway, what are you doing here? I thought we decided moving up was the best direction to go."

"Ah, yes, I think we did."

"So what're you doin' back here? Don't you know, this is as low as it gets?" He cracked that grin again, but today it looked fake, and I noticed his face was bruised and cut. The abrasions looked several days old, but they were brutal none-the-less.

I studied him all the more closely while we stood there. He had the same red hair and eyes as the boy I'd seen in the photograph, and the same round ears. I had no doubt in my mind that he was, as the Professor had said, hanyou, particularly because his friend had called him 'mutt' the other day. Still, he didn't look anymore cursed or taboo than anyone I'd ever seen before. He'd seemed relatively normal when I'd spoken to him at the restaurant.

"I'm afraid I don't have much of a good excuse for coming here." I said slowly, feeling somewhat sheepish at the admission. "Other than, I just felt like it…"

"Damn, you people better build a whore house or a theme park or _something_ up there in Cheng. It's gotta' be the most boring place in the world if you're coming down here for fun." He reconsidered, "Or are ya' still lookin' for that girl?"

"Yes, that's it. I'm still searching for my unrequited love, and I thought I'd come by to see how you're doing."

"That's weird." He leaned against the doorframe, "I barely even know you."

"I know. But last I saw, you looked to be in some sort of distress…and I thought…perhaps…you might need some assistance."

Gojyo was studying me curiously. He looked up and down the road then, like someone else might come a long. "Weird."

"If this is a bad time, I can leave, of course. If you're waiting for your friend."

"Nah, that dick's not comin'. But hey, I was just about to take a little walk. Wanna' come?"

"I suppose, if I'm not too much of a liability."

Gojyo laughed suddenly. He came down off his steps lightly, shut the door behind him firmly, not bothering to lock it, and threw his beer across the street. Then he slung his arm across my shoulder, "Then let's go."

"Where to?" I asked, as he led me back out of the Eastern district, further and further from the bowels of the slums, and I felt a bit relieved to be leaving that place behind.

"I gotta' go up the hill today. Perfect, right? You gotta' go back that way eventually anyway, right?"

"I suppose I do."

"And, if you really wanna' help me out, I could actually use a hand with something. Not a big deal. But, if you got the time, that'd be cool."

I watched him as he spoke. He seemed to be quite full of confidence and spirit, and his smoking was incessant. There was something about that childish grin and haphazard nature that felt strangely familiar. Or perhaps it was just that he was acting as if he'd known me forever, practically leaning on me as we walked.

"I don't see why not."

Gojyo grinned all the more brightly, "Hey, I'm startin' to think you're not such a bad dude."

"Oh, _you_ think _I'm_ not a 'bad dude'?"

He removed his arm and rammed me lightly with his shoulder, "Funny, huh? Oh, hey, anyway. I wanted to say sorry about the other day. I was sorta' bitchy to you. Sorry, I was just on edge."

"You certainly did seem high-strung."

Gojyo glanced at me, not exactly sure what to make of such a statement, I supposed.

Flashing a quick smile, I held up the bag I'd brought, "This is for you."

"What is it?" He took it with sudden caution, opened it slowly.

"It won't bite." I informed him, watching out of the corner of my eye as he pulled out the sandwich and the apple I'd brought, turned it over in his hands like he had no idea what it was. "There's water too. Something tells me you don't drink enough water."

Gojyo gave me a confused look, "What is this?"

"Most of the world refers to it as 'lunch', although today, it's still rather early, so it might be considered breakfast."

"You makin' fun of me, man?" He scowled.

"I wouldn't dream of it, Gojyo-san."

"I thought I made it clear the other day, I don't need any freakin' pity lunches."

"You seem to be getting them a lot as of late though. Very well, then, I'm hungry. I'll eat it." I reached for the sandwich.

Gojyo snatched it away, "Uhn-uh, I want the sandwich."

"It's a pity sandwich." I warned him.

"Yeah, well, I want it anyway. Damn bastard, bringing me food I didn't ask for. I don't even know you." He started cramming the sandwich in his mouth anyway.

"Yes, I'm _Hakkai_, remember? Not 'man', and certainly not 'bastard.' There, now, see? Now you know me."

"You're a fuckin' riot, Hakkai." He mumbled.

"That's better."

We walked a ways further until we were, again, back in the more charitable part of town. "Is it any good?" I asked eventually.

Gojyo just nodded, but I assumed it was better than that, seeing how there was just a scrap of crust left, and he'd already eaten more than half the apple.

"Sandwiches aren't my specialty, I'm afraid. But bringing something hot was out of the question, even if the weather is appropriate."

"I…" he seemed to change his mind about whatever he was about to say, took a swig of the water I'd brought, and said instead, "You're weird, you know that? Don't your parents care that you're down here, bummin' around with my ass?"

"Hm. I highly doubt it. My parents aren't around."

He had nothing to say to that, so I asked, just for the sake of asking, I suppose.

"What about your parents, Gojyo-san? Where are they?"

"Dead, I guess." He'd finished eating and was starting another cigarette.

"That makes the most sense, I suppose." I acknowledged quietly.

"Doesn't it?" Gojyo was smiling, but there was something pained in his eyes.

It made me think of the photograph I'd seen earlier: the blonde child with the small half-breed. "What of that Banri person? Is he your brother or something?"

"Pfft. Fuck, no. Did that asshole _look_ like my brother. He's my partner."

"And by partner, of course you mean-"

"Partner in crime. Accomplice. Side-kick. Whatever you wanna' call it."

"I see." I didn't mention that it had seemed to be the other way around.

"Well, here we are."

I stopped beside him, looked around. We had climbed almost to the very top of the hill, leaving the majority of the city behind us, and now we stood on a reddish, dirt road that extended out into the wild, lush, green grasslands on every side, and the blue sky looked like it went on forever and ever. The wind was blowing lightly, feathering across my face refreshingly, lazy, white clouds drifting across the horizon. I stood there, in the calm and breathed deeply, and suddenly, I felt as if I'd left everything in my life behind me: the orphanage, the parents who hadn't loved me enough to stay, the sister I might never see again, the God that had abandoned me, and for once, I was just myself, facing a bright, hopeful world.

"It's beautiful up here." I murmured.

"Yeah." He said with equal softness, and he was staring out into the sky too, a look of deep yearning on his face as the wind blew back soft, red tendrils of hair, and for just a moment, it seemed strangely familiar to me, as if we had stood here before, the two of us, perhaps in another life.

"I could damn near lay down and sleep on the grass."

"Well, why don't you?"

"Heh. No time for that." He faced away from the wide and the open, and I saw that we were standing beside a blank, stone wall, a few heads taller than either of us. "All right, good thing you didn't wear your Sunday best today, choir boy."

"You mean to say…"

"Yep. Up and over." He was already jumping up. He caught the low-hanging branch of a nearby tree, nimbly hoisted himself up onto the wall.

Dubiously, I watched, "…I'm not sure-"

"Hey, you wanted to help."

"I didn't want to help you break and enter into this place."

"Shoulda' been more specific in the first place then." He knelt down and held out his hand anyway, "You comin' or not?"

Admittedly, I was curious as to what was on the other side of the wall, and in the end, I thought that, as long as I was breaking my probation and skipping class, I may as well do something exciting, so I boosted myself up on the wall and grabbed his hand, and he pulled me up.

On the other side of the wall was a large chunk of property—fifteen or twenty acres, if I had to guess, I found myself on a narrow, cobblestone path surrounded by fountains, exotic, leafy trees, flower beds and tall, marble statues, and ahead of us I saw several rows of tall, lush hedges, which appeared to create some sort of a maze.

Gojyo leapt down and led the way into the labyrinth, calmly as if he belonged there.

"What is this place?" I asked.

"Welcome to the Wu estate, home to the richest man in town, Wu Shareta."

The name seemed oddly familiar, but if he was the richest man in the area, I'd probably heard people discussing him.

"According to rumors, he lives here with his wife _and_ his mistress. Isn't that crazy? Imagine the cat fights that go on."

"I'm astounded." I mumbled, but not about his trivial rumor. "What, pray tell, are we doing here?"

"I came to pick something up from old man Wu. You're gonna' help me, remember?"

We wandered through the labyrinth a little longer before I asked, "If this is a legit pick up, why on earth did we come over the fence, apparently as far from the front door as we could possibly get?"

"It's a long story. Besides." He took a sudden right, stopped, crouching down at the base of one of the hedges, "I never said it was a legit pick up."

"What does that mean?" I demanded, even though I was sure I already knew.

"Means we better not let anybody know we're here." He leveled a serious gaze on me, "You game?"

I sighed, hardly believing the circumstances I'd found myself in, but now that I was here, I didn't think I could just leave. After all, Gojyo didn't seem the type to go too simply because everyone else was moving on. "Yes. I suppose I'd better be."

"Great. Here." He tossed me a small walkie-talkie device, "We're gonna' need these." Then, just like that, he pulled back the leaves of the hedge, and I saw that someone had already come and cut out the branches, leaving a gap for us to go through. Gojyo crawled through it on his hands and knees, and I followed.

"That was certainly convenient."

"Hell no it wasn't _convenient_. I had to come out here and cut that shit myself—I was out here all damn night."

We came out on the other side, and I saw that we were out of the maze. In the far away distance stood a tall, white house with a looping drive way and a gigantic lake in front of it. There were approximately three acres of land between us and the mansion.

"That's quite a distance of open space to cross. And you say no one is supposed to know we're here?"

"Right, but we ain't goin' in there, smarty. We're going over there." He pointed to a smaller house—granted, it was still a three-story building—that was only a short distance from us, "We gotta' go in there. I do anyway."

We snuck along the wall a ways, keeping close to what few shadows we could find, and ducking behind bushes whenever we happened to come to one, but I still felt that we were utterly exposed, and Mr. Wu had only to look out his bedroom window to see that two young men were sneaking around on his property. To make matters worse, it was broad daylight.

"I wonder why you didn't choose a better time of day for this covert operation. Perhaps at night, when people are asleep, or when there's darkness to use as cover."

"Jeez, you're a real know-it-all aren't ya'?"

"You said you were here all night anyway, right?"

"Yeah, but I was here by myself. I was hoping Banri would show up today."

"Perhaps if you'd waited even longer, he might have come."

"I don't have a lot of time to do this, okay?" He sounded vaguely impatient. Then he lowered his voice considerably, because we were less than a hundred feet from the house. He crouched behind a tree trunk, and I pressed in against him. "'Kay, here's the plan, kid. I'm goin' through that window right there on the corner. All I need you to do is keep watch. So you're gonna' climb up in this tree—try ta' keep out of sight—and pay attention. If it looks like somebody's about to come in the room, or like they know I'm here, let me know."

"Hence the walkie talkies."

"Exactly. Think you can do it?"

"It sounds like I have the easier half of the job."

"Yeah, but…" His eyes narrowed on me, "You ain't gonna' cop out on me or nothin', right?"

"No, no, of course not. You'd better hurry now." I began climbing the tree, reaching up and finding a hand-hold right away. "Someone's liable to notice us before long."

As he ducked away and ran for the house, I wondered why I was doing this. I barely knew him, I knew literally nothing about what he was doing here, or why, and I had lived my life with a clear, unmarred record so far. I had offered my assistance, but I had intended to assist in more legal ways. Now that I thought about it, I wasn't quite sure what I thought I could do for Gojyo. Perhaps I shouldn't have said anything. Perhaps I should have stayed at school.

No matter. I was here now, and I had to admit, it was more exciting than what I would have normally done during my break between classes.

When I'd climbed high enough and felt confident that I had a good view of the situation, I settled back against the trunk and observed.

Gojyo had reached the house and was standing by the window he intended to go through, watching me.

I waved to him; he nodded and turned around to shove the window open. A second later, he'd slipped inside. The room he entered appeared to be quite large—some sort of sitting room, I assumed—and he immediately crossed to the far wall where a row of portraits were hung, perfectly straight. He checked a few before finally taking one down, and I saw a safe with a combination lock. It looked like he was going to crack the code.

Hopefully that wouldn't take to long. I surveyed the house again. It looked more or less empty. In fact, the entire estate seemed almost abandoned. There was a maid cleaning in the room directly above him, but she was busy, and there was no one else to jeopardize the operation.

I'm not sure why I felt good about that. It was becoming more and more clear to me that I was helping a criminal break in and steal something from the wealthiest man in An Jin.

_Maybe not. It's possible that he has some noble reason for what he's doing. Or at the very least, a good reason._

And apparently, I was determined to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Gojyo was patiently turning the lock now, ear close to the safe. It looked like something he'd done before.

I scanned the rest of the estate. The breeze had picked up a little, rattling through the leaves on the tree and brushing over the grass. The sun felt good on my skin. In the distance, I saw a figure moving across the yard. It looked like whoever it was had a dog with them, and they were coming this way.

"Gojyo-san." I spoke into the walkie-talkie. "Do you copy? Over."

"Yeah, what?" Was the scratchy reply.

"I see a man. He looks like some sort of guardsman, and he's coming this way. Over."

"Shit. How close is he?"

"Far enough that you should be able to get out in time. Provided you're done shortly. Over."

"Quit it with that over shit, would'ja'? This ain't the military."

"Are you almost finished? Over."

He sighed, "Yeah, yeah, gime' a second. How's the house look?"

"Secure. There's a maid upstairs, but I don't see anyone…" I broke off, noticing for the first time that there was a dark figure in the window to the right of the room Gojyo was in. He seemed to be talking into some sort of device.

"Hey. Hello?"

"Wait a minute. I see a man. He wasn't there a moment ago… Over."

"Where is he?"  
"In the room next to yours. Don't panic…but I think he may know you're there. Over."

"Don't panic? What's that supposed to mean?"

Now more figures were appearing across the yard. They were coming out of nowhere—half a dozen of them at least—some with dogs, marching steadily toward us, almost in some sort of formation.

"You'd better hurry: there are more guards coming. Over."

"I'm doin' the best I can, dude.…shit. I think I heard a voice."

"Yes, the man in the window is gone. It looks as if he's left the room. He may or may not be moving toward you now."

"May or may not? Which is it?"

"How should I know?" I strained to keep calm. "I'm in a tree—I'm not a spy."

"Crap, crap, crap." Gojyo's movements took on a little more stress. He spun the combination lock a few more times.

The men in the yard were getting closer. I assumed the front door was on the other side of the building. "They're going to enter the house in approximately ninety seconds. Gojyo-san, this isn't just a prank or something stupid, right? Over."

He didn't answer. I saw him mumbling, but he wasn't talking into the walkie anymore.

"Do you copy me? Over."

The men in the yard were jogging now, heading straight around the house, and I had to duck back to make sure I wouldn't be seen, "They're not going through the front door—not all of them. Some appear to be heading for the back door. Gojyo? Do you copy? I said-"

"Got it! Got it!" In the house he wrenched the safe open, reached deep inside, and pulled out something bright and golden. "Whoo!"

A handful of men, clad all in black, had already entered the back door. I saw that they were armed. With guns.

"Get out of there." I said tensely.

No sooner had I spoken, the door to the room he was in burst open, and a wave of people rushed in. They were mostly guardsmen, trained dogs snapping and barking on leashes. They had their guns on him. I saw a tall man in a tuxedo as well. He was staring straight out the window, right at me. He said something to the guards.

Gojyo bolted.

"Halt!" Someone shouted, "Or I'll shoot!"

Gojyo ignored him. He ran full-tilt for the window.

The men unleashed the dogs, and they ran, snarling, after him.

"Good heavens." I dropped out of the tree, landing a little roughly, rolled to my feet.

By the time I was up, Gojyo had dove through the window. He hit the ground running, stolen prize clutched in is hand. "Run, run, run, run, run!" He screamed, blurring past me.

I didn't waste time looking back—I sprinted after him, nearly dropping my walkie as I ran, and in a matter of seconds, I was running right beside him.

We raced back the way we'd come, weaving around the same bushes and statues we'd taken cover behind earlier, going straight for the hole in the maze. Gojyo slid the last couple feet and squirmed through in a matter of seconds. I squeezed through after him, felt a branch scraped my neck and shoulder.

"Let's go, let's go!" He jerked me to my feet and kept running, weaving through the maze, back the way we'd come. I heard the dogs barking behind us as they struggled to get through the gap in the hedge as well. From the sound of their frustrated yowling, they weren't doing very well.

Gojyo rounded a corner, skidded to a halt, and I collided with him. We both strained to keep our balance, and I saw that we'd come to a dead end. "Fuck!"

"This way! Back this way!" I gave his sleeve a jerk, feet pounding on the stone path as I backtracked a ways.

The dogs were coming right at us. They had gleaming, white teeth and mean eyes. One lunged at us.

"Fuck you!" Gojyo kicked it right in the muzzle, and the dog flew back.

Voices cried, lifting up over the hedge next to us, "They're over here! Hurry!"

"Don't let them escape!"

I shoved Gojyo forward, and we weaved past the next two dogs. I felt teeth snap right beside my leg, barely managed to evade a painful bite, and rounded a corner quickly.

We scrambled around another corner. The men's voices were closer.

"I'm followin' you!" Gojyo informed me suddenly. "I can't remember how the fuck to get out of here!"

"But…You were here last night!"

"Yeah. I was lost in this damn place for like two hours!"

That gave me the strangest urge to laugh. How bizarre—I almost never felt like laughing, and I especially shouldn't right now. Not when, at any second, the men could come around the corner and gun me down, or the dogs could spring up from behind and rip my throat open.

"Here." I pushed Gojyo against the hedge, and he fell into it with a squawk and a shower of leaves.

"What the fuck, man?"

"Boost me up on your shoulders. Hurry."

"Hey, no way, you ain't leavin' me here to-"

"Do it!"

From the look on his face, I could see there was nothing in the world he wanted less, but he swore under his breath and dipped down low enough for me to scramble up on his back, and from there, I was able to pull myself on top of the hedge. I was lucky it was solid enough to stand on.

"Dude!"

"Don't dude me." I snapped, reaching down to drag him up as well, seconds before a dog would have had him.

Gojyo screamed and kicked the animal square in the chest. It yelped and went sprawling on the ground.

"Up there!" Someone shouted.

The men were right below us now. They took aim. "Stop!"

I ran.

Gojyo ran.

I could see the tree we'd come over ahead of us now, took a running leap and cleared the gap between two hedges, and Gojyo's landed beside me. Gun fire echoed through the air.

"They're shooting at us!" I yelled.

Gojyo laughed, "No shit, genius."

We had to jump over two more hedges, and then the tree was right in front of me. I took the biggest leap yet, hit the tree hard, scrabbling at the branch, dropped down onto the wall.

Gojyo nearly missed the branch. It looked like he scraped most the skin off his palms when he managed to get a grip. "Fuuuuck!" He landed on the wall next to me.

More gunfire. This time, I felt a bullet hiss past my ear.

"Come on!" Gojyo grabbed me by the sleeve and dragged me over the wall. We landed in a heap on the other side. I got the wind knocked out of me, had to ignore it, got up a little more slowly than before.

Already, Gojyo was up, careening back down the hill, kicking up a cloud of dust. "C'mon, dude, c'mon!"

Sucking in a somewhat painful breath, I ran too.

We ran for what felt like forever. Eventually, he cut off from the road, running due west, across the long, waving grass. I followed, feeling a rush of exhilaration as the wind blew back through my hair and clothes. We seemed be running straight down the hill now, just as quickly as we could, side by side.

Ahead of me, Gojyo lost his footing. "Woah!"

I watched in astonishment as he stumbled, fought to keep upright, and then went flying down the hill, face-first. He hit hard, bounced once.

I weaved to the left, tried to jump over him, but my foot caught on his leg, and then I was falling head over heels too. I smashed into the ground with a rough cough, rolled, and kept right on rolling. I bounced over rocks and bushes, felt my arms and torso bruise, grasped at roots and bushes and grass, but that only succeeded in ripping my hands open, so I tried to be as limp as possible, and by the time I stopped rolling it was only because I'd reached the bottom of the hill, feeling dizzy and rather worse for the wear.

A second later, Gojyo landed against me, smashing into my shoulder and side with an abrupt, "Shit."

The sky above me looked flawless as I was lying there, and in a second, when I had caught my breath, I said, "Well…you got to lie on the grass. After all."

He laughed suddenly. It started as a chuckle, almost out of relief, I thought, but in a matter of moments, he was laughing so hard, I could see he couldn't even breathe, and he was rolling a little, holding his side and choking.

Bewildered, I sat up on my elbows and watched him, wondering, inevitably, if this Child of Taboo was totally insane.

Gojyo went on laughing, turned onto his side, pounded the ground. "Shit on a goddamn stick! We almost died!"

"Yes, I think that's an apt description of it." I reached up to feel my ear, making sure the bullet hadn't actually grazed it.

He rolled a little longer, and kept laughing, but it slowly died down, and then he stretched out on his back again, gazing up at the sky. "They following us?"

I redirected my own gaze back up the hill, but I didn't see any sign of dogs or men. Chances are, they wouldn't be able to get the dogs over the wall in the first place, and most of them probably wouldn't want to try to climb it themselves. "No, I don't see anyone."

"Great!" Gojyo sat straight up, leaves and grass and twigs clinging to his hair, face and clothes coated in dust. "It worked! You didn't cop out on me!"

"Of course I didn't." I sniffed.

"Hey, a lot of people would have." He grinned at me, gave me a heavy pound on the back, and then lit a cigarette. "You're all right, Hakkai… you're…you're cool."

"That's gracious of you to think so. May I see the spoils?"

Grinning all the more, he lifted his hand and a golden medallion fell out of it, dangling by the fine, gold chain twined around his fingers. It was about twice the size of a hundred-yen coin, and there was a huge amethyst stone set in the middle of it. I watched it swing back and forth and spin, feeling somewhat entranced by it. The stone appeared ordinary, but I got the strangest idea that there was more to it.

As I was staring into the glossy stone, something happened. It was as if I were suddenly transported to another time and place. A dark, cold, wet place. I could feel the rain beating down on my skin, drenching my clothes and my hair. There was something else too. Hot. Thick. Sticky.

Blood.

I was screaming. I was crying. But why?

Why?

Lightning crackled in the sky above me. I saw a castle, black against the stormy, night sky.

In that flash, I saw my hands as well, bathed in crimson and rain, but there was something wrong with them. Something that shouldn't have been there.

Claws…

"Hey, Hakkai?"

I blinked, and then I was back at the bottom of the hill, dry and warm in the sun, Gojyo looking at me curiously.

What was that?

I took a deep breath, blinked at the amethyst again, but the vision was gone, leaving only a horrible, rank sensation of despair and foreboding.

"What in the world is it?"

"Dunno'."

"Then why did you go through so much trouble to get it?"

"It's supposed to save my life or something." He looped it over his neck and let it hang down, just below his ribs, "Pretty bad ass, huh?"

Something seemed to have changed about him. He was acting…friendlier, I thought, smiling more, as if he'd loosened up. I wondered if it was because he'd put his trust in me and hadn't been disappointed.

"I don't think the purple and gold suit you." I answered mildly.

"Ha ha, very funny. I guess it probably suits _you_, huh, green eyes?"

"It might, yes."

Still chuckling, he got up, "You're kinda' weird, you know that? You don't smile much."

"So I've been told." I stood too, and for another moment, we were there, under the sky, on the grass, with the sun blazing around us.

He looked at me, and I looked at him, and we locked gazes a while, and then, for some reason, I couldn't help but smile back at him. It was almost a compulsion, something I did out of reaction and instinct, as opposed to obligation, as was so often the case for me.

"There ya' go. You're getting it now, frowny-face. We'll make a smiler outta' you yet." He tucked the medallion into his shirt, hiding the chain around his neck with the hood of his sweatshirt. "Listen, I gotta' take off now—I got a deadline to meet, kind of—but you can find your way home from here, right? Shouldn't be that far."

I turned to the west again, saw the faint skyline of Cheng, high up on the next hill. "Yes, I think I'll be all right."

"Cool, then. Be safe."

"You too."

Gojyo's grin got that much bigger, and he punched me lightly in the shoulder, "By the way, thanks a lot for your help. I'd probably be a dead man by now if you hadn't come along."

"Think nothing of it…I…I'm glad I came, even if I don't fully understand."

"Believe me, you don't wanna' understand." He laughed again, and then gave a short wave, "Well, see ya' around, right? You should come down again when you get the chance—we'll do somethin' fun."

"Oh, this wasn't supposed to be fun?"

"I dunno' about you, but I like it when my ass doesn't almost get ripped off by killer dogs. I mean it though, dude. Look me up some time."

"I will. Take care of yourself, Gojyo."

"Always."

With that, he walked away, and I turned to begin climbing up the hill to Cheng. Once, as I was going, I looked over my shoulder at him; he was already a smallish figure in the distance, red hair seeming to blaze in the sunlight, but he was looking back at me as well, and he gave another wave before continuing on his way.

I felt another genuine smile tug at the corners of my mouth.

* * *

**Gojyo**

So far, my day was going pretty good, I thought. I had the medallion Dasha wanted, ahead of schedule, I was up early, the day was just getting started, and I was full. I wasn't hungry anyway. Plus, I hadn't had to do the Wu job all by myself, like I'd thought I'd have to. Hakkai coming along this morning turned out to be the best thing that could happen probably.

He might even come back again some time.

_Yeah. I can keep usin' that kid for a while, probably._

As soon as I'd had the thought, I felt guilty. I wasn't trying to use him. He kept coming and feeding me and shit. I never asked him for anything. He wanted to help—he'd said so.

Why? Who knew? Maybe he was a spy or some kind of con artist. What would he want from me though?

I knew I was involved in some pretty heavy stuff; shit, running around with people like Banri and Dasha, I was up to my eyeballs in trouble I couldn't get out of, so I probably shouldn't be surprised if Hakkai turned out to be an enemy in disguise.

Right now, I didn't want to think about that though. It might ruin my perfect day. So I headed back to town and went right to Dasha's place. It was just a little bit after twelve, and I wouldn't be surprised a bit if the boss was still sleeping, draped in hookers, or whatever he was into. As I stalked through the hallway, I kept my eyes peeled for Banri, but he wasn't around. Bang, Wang and Hung were all there, go figure. They followed me a ways and gave me some shit, but I was in too good a mood to pay attention, and they went away when I got to Dasha's door anyway.

Now as long as Dasha didn't decide to blow me away today, because he'd had a bad trip or contracted an std last night, things would be looking really, really up. I might even be able to get out of this shitty town soon.

I knocked as loudly as I dared, "Hey, boss? It's Gojyo. I got the thing you wanted."

There was a moment of silence, and then his creepy voice called back, "Enter."

Such a freak of nature.

Dasha's room was just like him: it was dark and cold and spooky. Once, it had been the stage room for the theater. The psycho had set up a throne on the stage so he could feel like a king when people came to see him, and he'd draped a huge curtain across the half the room, dividing his sleeping area from everything else. It was ridiculously bare—he didn't have so much as a poster up, but there was always this eerie, pale red cast in the room I couldn't find the source to.

Going inside always gave me chills, but I tried to tell myself it was just because it was cold.

He was sitting on his throne-thing, only half-dressed, with an equally naked slut giving him a shoulder massage. A couple of his guys were there, keeping watch or video taping or whatever; they looked up when I came in, but then lost interest. It's just stupid, little Gojyo.

I marched up what had once been the aisle, doing my best not to look nervous.

I couldn't help wondering if Hakkai would be scared. Today, I'd been so sure he was going to wuss out on me and run away when things got rough, but he'd been pretty calm for the whole thing. I got the feeling he was tougher than he looked.

"Well, well, well." Dasha said lazily, "Look who it is. I was expecting someone to tell me you'd skipped town last night."

"What would I do that for? I got your trinket. It was easy." I mounted the stairs up to the stage and pulled the medallion from my neck, dangling it in front of his face.

He took it, looking thoughtful, and held it up to the light, staring into the stone, like it was going to show him something. "Hm. You succeeded. I'll admit, I'm surprised. Impressed, even."

"Yep, you're welcome. This means we're all good now, right? We're even?"

Instead of answering, Dasha got up and walked across the stage, still staring at his stupid necklace.

For some reason, I really needed to hear him say yes. I needed to hear him say 'we're even'. Why wasn't he saying it? "Dasha?"

My heart started to beat a little faster. _Why isn't he saying it?_

Finally, he turned back to me, giving me that weird smile of his, "Excellent work, my little hanyou. You know, I've been thinking I may have been too hard on you the other day."

I watched warily as he started coming toward me. "Uh. Oh, yeah?"

"After all, you're clearly still a child, and mistakes are inevitable."

My stomach felt like it was starting to twist up—I didn't like what he was saying, and I didn't like the way he was saying it. I _really _didn't like that he was calling me out on being a kid.

"It occurred to me later than maybe sending you on the Wu job was a bit too harsh, so I found something for you to do that I think may be a bit more suiting. You might even call it fun."

"Fun?" I said incredulously.

"Yes. You would like to have some fun, wouldn't you?" With a sweep of his hand, he summoned a scroll into being, let it roll open and showed it to me.

It looked like a list, with about five different things on it; weird things like, 'ruby dagger' and 'enchanted flower'.

Reluctantly, I took it from him, reading down the strange list, "Ancient book, goddess's ring, hey, what is all this shit?"

Dasha sighed, dropping back into his throne, "Silly child. It's a scavenger hunt. Haven't you ever been on a scavenger hunt before?"

It seemed like once, a long time ago, Jien and I had done something like that…with a bunch of kids from our neighborhood. We hadn't gotten very far though, and I didn't remember it being all that fun. Probably because I'd gotten kicked out of the game and locked in an old shed.

"Maybe." I muttered.

"This is a special scavenger hunt. These items are exceedingly rare and unique, but, they can all be found in this city, and in the ones surrounding it. Now what do you think of that?"

"Sounds a little too convenient."

"You might say so. Anyway, I can't be bothered with collecting these things myself, and, you did such a fine job retrieving my medallion, I think you're the perfect…er…that is, I think you'll excel."

I noticed he'd gone out of his way to not call me a person. I wondered if he'd made it that obvious on purpose?

"The best part is, there's no pressure whatsoever. No rush. Get the items at your leisure, and have fun doing it."

Okay, this was getting weird. I looked the list over again. What did a scumbag like Dasha want with all this crazy, mystical-sounding trash?

He reached out and grabbed my chin, just like the other day, jerking my head up, "There is only one condition: don't fail me in this, and don't even think of keeping any of the items for yourself. I promise you, that will be tempting."

For a second, I wondered if I should decline. Maybe Tai was right and I should just get away from Dasha while I didn't owe him anything. Still, it could be worth it. I only needed a little more money before I could get out of this shithole town forever.

"I know what you're thinking: 'what's in it for me', am I right? Well, I'll tell you what, boy. Bring these things to me, and I'll give you the thing you want the most in this world."

At last, I jerked out of his grip, "What would you know about that?"

"What a nosey, little hanyou. Let's just say, a little birdie told me." He smiled, and it seemed freakier than usual. I might go so far as to say it was sinister.

But for all I knew, he meant he was giving me a blank check, and in that case, I couldn't afford to pass up the opportunity. "'Kay. I'll get your weird grocery list."

"I thought you'd be interested." He sat back again, "I'm glad to hear it. Now though, you'll have to run along. I have a lot to do today."

I was eager to get away from him anyway, and I walked quickly back down the aisle, was almost out when he called me. "Remember, Gojyo. Don't fail me."

How hard could it be?

When I was in the sunlight again, I read through the list one more time. Four things. It couldn't be that hard.

_Ancient book, enchanted flower, goddess's ring, ruby dagger._ None of it made any sense, but I'd figure it out along the way, and I had all the time in the world to get it done. When it was over, Dasha was going to give me the thing I wanted most.

_Maybe I'll finally get to find Jien…_

I shook my head and tucked the scroll into my hoodie pocket. It would be dumb to get all hopeful about that.

Then again…Dasha had connections I didn't have. He might actually be able to find my brother.

_We'll just have to find out._

Dasha's bizarre, little scavenger hunt wasn't the only thing on my mind though. From the second I walked away from Hakkai up on Oka no Wu, I was waiting for him to come back, and I wasn't even sure why. At first, I told myself that it was because whenever I saw him he gave me free food, but I knew that wasn't the real reason.

Maybe it was because I was a pathetic, lonely, little hanyou who had to get a new whore every night so he wouldn't feel like killing himself.

Or maybe I just liked the kid and thought it would be cool to have someone my age to hang out with. Everyone around me was older. Everyone around me thought I was trash. Even Banri always acted like he had somewhere better to go and something more important to do. I didn't even see him for the next week or so, which sucked, because I was toying with the idea of asking him to help me get the shit for Dasha. He might want to split the reward though, and I'd rather have it all to myself.

But, if I had to pick between Banri coming home and Hakkai coming to visit, I definitely wanted it to be Hakkai.

The two times I'd seen him, he hadn't treated me like trash. He'd been so…normal, in a weird, too-generous way. He'd been down-to-earth and easy to talk to. Part of me felt like I'd known him forever, and it would be cool to have that feeling again, to have someone to actually be friends with. I didn't even care if he was a spy or an undercover enemy or something, I just wanted someone to hang out with. To pretend to be friends with. I just wanted…

Anyway, when he came back…_if_ he ever came back, I had to make sure he didn't find out about me.

I went home from Dasha's place and stood in my bathroom, staring into the filthy mirror, pulled my hair back so I could look at the scars and see my disgusting, red eyes. I was living in a town where humans made up most of the population, so a lot of people didn't recognize I was a Child of Taboo, but the people who did either stayed as far from me as they could, or treated me like shit for it. If Hakkai came back, and he figured out somehow that I was a hanyou, he'd look down his nose at me and order me around, just like everyone else did. He was rich already, so he was probably used to making people do whatever he wanted.

As much as I hated taking orders, I'd take it if I knew he wasn't totally sickened by me.

Days passed though, and he didn't come. I wandered around town and did the shit I normally did—drinking and gambling and fucking chicks way too old for me—but I kept my eyes open for him, and sometimes, I even thought I saw him, but I was always wrong. Toward the middle of the week, the weather turned bad, and for days on end there was nothing but freezing drizzle, not really snow, and not quite rain, and I knew no one in their right mind would come down from Cheng in crappy weather, but I still stood by my window and looked out.

_It doesn't matter._ I told myself, eventually, _He's not comin' back._

Banri didn't come back either. I hadn't seen him since we'd had our argument in the theater, and I knew he was staying away just to piss me off. He knew I hated being by myself—God, I should have known he'd use that against me when I told him—and this was obviously his bitchy way of punishing me, even though I didn't do anything wrong.

_I'm always getting punished for not doing anything wrong._

By Friday, the weather was good again, so I did a little investigating about Dasha's list, asking around, hoping I'd stumble into someone who knew something. I knew that the crazy-ass had said there wasn't a hurry, but I didn't quite believe him. Besides, I had my own reasons for wanting to get it done quickly.

When two weeks had passed, I'd pretty much given up on Hakkai coming around. I figured he didn't want to, or he couldn't, or he'd thought I was fucking with him, or the normal bullshit, and I told myself it didn't really matter anyway. If he showed up eventually, great. If not, well, that was life.

And then, it seemed like as soon as I had that thought, there he was.

I was bumming around in the market, smoking and checking out chicks, trying to decide if I should spend what little money I had left on food, or find a nice, thick pocket to pick, when he came and stood over my shoulder.

At first, I turned to give my typical 'back off' glare, and then I saw it was him. "Woah. Hey, man. I wasn't expecting to run into you."

"As if we simply 'ran into' each other. I'll have you know I've spent a good hour and a half trying to find you." He sounded a little annoyed, but I got the sense it wasn't completely genuine. That face of his was so freakin' hard to read, I guess he could totally be making a joke and I wouldn't know for sure.

"My bad. I didn't really think you'd come…"

"I would have come sooner, but I got in a bit of trouble for coming down here last week, and I thought I'd best lay low for a while."

"In trouble? With who?"

"The school faculty."

"Cheng High?"

"University."

"Ohh." I looked him over in a new light. I didn't know dick about Cheng University, other than it was a college, obviously, and from what I heard, it was pretty prestigious. If he was in university at his age he was probably pretty smart. Maybe his parents pushed him through a few grades or something. I didn't know much about school in general, actually. "I didn't know they could tell where you can and can't go. I thought college was about cutting loose and finding yourself."

"College is about education and earning a degree so that you can proceed into a respectable career, actually. Logistics aside though, typically you're right; Cheng is a different sort of school though. They're very enthusiastic about discipline and proper behavior and such."

"And good grammar, and stuffy clothes, and not smiling too much." I laughed.

Hakkai didn't look like it was even slightly funny, and I got the feeling he didn't want to talk about school.

It made me feel like I was an entire dimension away from him, so I didn't either. I dropped it. "Anyway, you didn't have to come back. Not if you're gonna' get in trouble for it."

"Nonsense. I said I'd come back, didn't I? Besides, I don't think it's all that serious. It's worth it, in fact—in Cheng, I always find myself feeling bored. You're the only interesting person I've met since I started going there almost two years ago."

I whistled, "That's pretty sad."

"I think so too."

"I still can't believe An Jin is that much more interesting than Cheng, but we can probably find something to do." I thought about asking him to help me find the stuff for Dasha, but decided I'd better not. I didn't want to take advantage of him.

"Before that though, I have a question about our adventure from last time. What in the world was that all about?"

"Oh, that. Just had to do a pick-up for my boss."

"Your boss asks you to steal things?"

"I know, I know, it ain't glamorous, but it does put food on the table, and sometimes, a chick in the bed."

I expected to hear some bullshit, judgmental spiel about how wrong that was, but instead, he asked, "Did he actually send you to do that alone?"

"Nah, not really. Banri was supposed to help me, but that good-for-nothing never showed. Anyway, it doesn't matter—I can take care of myself."

Hakkai gave me a serious look, "You know, if you'd gone by yourself, they probably would have caught you."

That was true, but I didn't want to think about it, and I didn't need this kid telling me how to do my job. "If I'd gone by myself, I would have done it differently."

"Still-"

"Hey, don't worry about it, all right? It's not your problem."

"I suppose you're right."

"No shit I'm right. Now let's drop this crap and go do somethin' fun."

"Very well then. Lead the way."

Somehow, after that, it seemed like Hakkai was always with me. The first few times we hung out, I told myself it was just because I needed somebody to kill time with, because I was bored, and Hakkai was interesting because he was so different than everyone I knew. I figured in a while, we'd get annoyed with each other, or bored with each other, or he'd find out I was a hanyou, and then we'd stop hanging out. I thought maybe we'd just see each other every now and then, like maybe when I had absolutely nothing better to do.

For some reason though, it didn't go like that. Every time I saw him, I wound up liking him a little bit more. After we'd hung out about five times, I couldn't even kid myself about just wanting to kill time with him anymore, and I wasn't anywhere close to annoyed with him. Instead, I genuinely wanted to spend time with him, and I couldn't exactly nail down the reason for that, other than he really was _so_ different from everybody I knew, and he treated me so much better than any of them did.

It wasn't too long before I felt like it would actually bother me if he got sick of me, or annoyed or bored with me, or if he found out about my dirty, little secret and was disgusted, and went away.

That didn't happen though, and then it seemed like I was seeing him almost every day. I don't know how he pulled it off when he acted like his school didn't want him coming to An Jin at all, but he still came, at least three times a week, usually in the middle of the day when he had a four hour break between classes, go back a couple hours later; and then on the weekends, he'd show up early and we'd hang out pretty much all day. At first, it was really sudden and weird, and I kept thinking he'd ask for something, or it would come up that there was something he needed from me, but it never happened, and after a few weeks, I started feeling like it was normal. Like it had always been this way.

I wasn't always sure what to do with him, because he was so weird, and he seemed so out of place in An Jin. Once or twice, I thought about going to the bar with him and playing some cards, drinking some drinks, but I decided against that, for a couple different reasons. First of all, he probably didn't have a fake ID, and even if he was older than me, I didn't think he could pass for the legal drinking age. Second of all, I didn't think he'd fit in with the other shitheads in the bar, and I didn't want him to wind up in an awkward position. Thirdly, I didn't want anybody working for Dasha—or anyone else I knew actually—to see us paling around. I didn't have any really good reasons for that, but my instincts told me that if anyone found out I'd more or less made a friend, it wouldn't be safe for either of us.

Because of that, I decided it would be for the best to stay out of An Jin when we were hanging out, and I started meeting him half-way between Jin and Cheng. Sometimes, we'd go down into the city, to eat or to buy something, but usually, we spent most of our time wandering around in the hills, away from civilization.

Hakkai struck me as being kind of a nature boy anyway. He was always telling me something crazy about the plant-life around us, or about the animals we saw. He was a pretty smart guy, and he always talked like he knew everything.

I didn't know anything, so I didn't mind. Also, it was good to get out of the city every now and then. I felt like I could breathe a little easier, knowing Dasha's men weren't going to sneak up on me, or some thug wasn't going to try to rob me. It was good just to unwind, chill out, and enjoy the peace and quiet with someone who wasn't laughing in my face every other minute for being a half-breed.

Hakkai was always treating me so fairly.

Actually, that was a fucking understatement. Hakkai was really, freaking nice to me. We bickered a little sometimes, and I learned pretty fast that he was working with a relatively short fuse, and I'd seen a couple of times that he had this weird disdain for most people, and occasionally, we'd have a stupid, little argument, but it never lasted long, because for the most part, Hakkai treated me like we were equals. He acted like we were friends. He was always bringing me food, or spotting me for things I couldn't afford, and even if, at first, I felt a little insulted, like the guy thought I couldn't take care of myself, I got over it quickly, and I was grateful for it. He was never intentionally cruel, he didn't ask me painful, personal questions, and he didn't judge me, so even against my better judgment, I started trusting him.

And then, I thought of another reason not to go into the city all that often.

I knew that if he went with me into that city, and he saw all the shitty people I knew, and all the stupid, nasty things I was doing on a regular basis, and the slummy places I hung out in without him, he'd lose respect for me. He'd probably be disappointed. He might even decide he didn't want to come back, and after just a month of being friends, I knew I couldn't let that happen.

Not like I couldn't be myself around him. I was always myself around Hakkai, and he just let me act however I wanted. He let me hang off him and lean on him and fall asleep next to him on the grass, and he let me be gross and crude and crass, loud and obnoxious and childish, and the most I'd ever get was a brief shake of the head, and a 'you're so immature, Gojyo.'

Once, I even tried to get on his nerves. First, I told him every dirty, x-rated joke I knew, and then I laughed at him and teased him and pushed all his buttons, just to see if he'd lose it and get pissed at me. It took a little less than an hour before I knew he was annoyed, and by the time I'd been at it for two hours, he finally gave me this dirty-ass look and said in this low, dangerous, warning voice, "That's enough now." Five minutes later, he was over it.

It was crazy all the things we found to do up there. At first, I thought it would suck and I'd get bored without a skirt to chase or a drink to pound, but I found out just how ridiculously easy it was to spend an afternoon in the wilderness. There was no entertainment, so we had to make our own fun.

We did some sparring, where I found out Hakkai, no matter how he looked, was actually kind of a bad ass, for being just a human. We were pretty evenly matched, but he definitely gave me a run for my money. It pissed me off a little that my youkai half was so useless that I couldn't even trash a human teenager, so from then on, I made sure it was always just some stupid, not-to-be-taken-seriously play fighting. I got the feeling I really didn't want to be on the other end of a real fight with Hakkai.

Once, Hakkai brought a book. It looked like a textbook, or something equally awful, and I told him he wasn't going to sit around and read while I was there, so I took it from him, and that ended in a wrestling match. The book ended up floating downstream in the end, which I felt pretty bad for. We chased it as far as we could, and I even went into the water to see if I could swim after it, but it was no use.

Hakkai went home early that day.

But he was back two days later, acting like it didn't matter, and when I tried to give him some money for it, he raised an eyebrow at me, "You can't be serious."

"Why not?"

"As if I'm actually going to take money from you."

I acted offended over that, but I was actually relieved. That would have been my last five thousand yen for the week.

Either way, I felt like a dipshit for it, and from then on, if I decided to randomly tackle him, or wrestle him to the ground, I made sure it wasn't near any cliffs or bodies of water.

We ran a couple races, on days when it wasn't too windy, but that never went well for me either. Eight out of ten times, Hakkai was the winner, and I got the feeling he let me win the two times he wasn't.

"What in the hell are you made of?" I panted, flopping onto my back at the top of a little, grassy knoll that was supposed to be our finish line.

He'd been sitting there a moment or two already. "I beg your pardon?"

"I mean…you are just a human, right?"

"Yes."

"So how the heck do you keep beating me at everything?"

"You're far too competitive—you're letting it get the better of you."

"The only thing around here getting the better of me is one cocky-ass, little, human punk."

"I hardly see what being human has to do with it. I'm just faster than you."

"Yeah, but I'm a-"

I barely managed to stop myself before blurting the rest out, bit my tongue sharply, and started digging around for my cigarettes.

Hakkai waited politely for me to finish, and then said, "Perhaps if you'd cut back on your smoking you wouldn't have so much difficulty with running."

"I don't have 'difficulty with runnin', smartass."

"Oh, sure, sure." He stretched out on his back.

"What now? You gonna' take a nap? Tired from winning everything?"

"Hardly. I think it's a perfect day for cloud-watching."

"Cloud-watching?"

He took his eyes off the sky for a moment to look at me, "No, no. You can't tell me you don't know what I'm talking about. Not even you could be that dense."

"Not ringing any bells."

He jerked me down by the back of the shirt, suddenly. "Cloud-watching, you ridiculous boy. You lie still—in your case, for as long as possible—and –"

"Just watch the clouds? Goddamn, you guys do need to build a whorehouse in Cheng."

"_And_ try to figure out what the clouds resemble. For example, that one there looks a bit like a dinosaur. And that one there resembles a mushroom." He pointed out the two clouds he was looking at. "It's reasonably entertaining, and it will give your poor, shriveled, little, black lungs a chance to rest."

"My lungs ain't black. Yet. Hey, that one looks like a rack on a chick."

"Ah. I should have known."

"And that one is shaped like a dick."

"Never mind. I'm afraid any form of beauty is wasted on you."

I bopped him in the ribs for that, and then we laid there a while, watching the damn clouds roll by. The breeze was light and the sun felt good, and I was on the verge of falling asleep when he asked

"If it's not too intrusive to ask, why do you smoke so much?"

"Lotsa' people smoke this much." I answered drowsily.

"Yes, but be that as it may, not all of them are sixteen-year-olds."

I almost told him that most sixteen-year-olds had somebody who gave enough of a shit to tell them not to smoke, but that would be too pathetic, so I played it off, "There's no real reason. I just like it."

"It seems a costly thing to 'just like', in my opinion."

"You're thinkin' about it all wrong, 'Kai. It's the stuff that costs the most you're supposed to do just because you like it, otherwise, you ain't really livin' your life. I mean, we're all gonna' die someday anyway, right?"

"So why not of lung cancer?" He said, with mild sarcasm.

"Heh. I'm gonna' get shot, probably. Or shanked."

Hakkai didn't have a witty reply for that one, and I got the weirdest feeling that what I'd said actually bothered him.

"That was a joke. I already decided to die during sex."

"I suppose that's a bit better."

"You're always so serious." I grinned, shutting my eyes again.

"This is because you're impractical enough for the both of us."

I laughed at that for a moment, and then we were quiet again.

It seemed like just a minute later when he nudged me and whispered, "Gojyo." But when I opened my eyes, the sun was starting to set, and the clouds had turned whispy, so they didn't really look like anything anymore. Hakkai was sitting up next to me.

"I should be heading back to Cheng now. It's getting rather late."

"Oh. Yeah." I sat up too, rubbing my eyes tiredly, "Hey, before you go, tomorrow's Saturday, right?"

"Yes. I believe so."

"'Kay. I hafta' go to Ying tomorrow. Wanna' go with me?"

"Ying? That's further south, isn't it?"

"It should only take like three hours to walk there."

"And three hours back."

"Guess so. Anyway, if you don't wanna', that's cool."

"Why, may I ask, are you putting yourself through such a journey?"

After I'd gotten a cigarette started, I handed him Dasha's list. It wasn't the original scroll he'd pulled out of thin-air, it was something I'd scratched out on a napkin, and I got the feeling my handwriting was a little illegible, which, normally, I wouldn't give a shit about, but since it was Hakkai, I felt sort of self-conscious.

"What are these things?" He asked after he'd studied it a while.

"A list of stuff my boss wants me to pick up for him. I figured out where the first one is, but I haven't seen that idiot Banri in over a month now, so I gotta' go by myself. Unless you want to come."

I tried not to sound too hopeful, and Hakkai read through the list again. "Does this say book, or hook?"

"_Book_, asswipe."

"Yes. I see. Well, I can't think of any reason not to go with you…still, I'm somewhat startled. You don't exactly strike me as the sort of person who likes running errands for other people."

"You're right—I hate it." I grinned up at him, barely keeping the honest emotions of frustration and desperation hidden.

I think he must have seen them anyway. He softened his tone, "Who exactly is your boss?"

"Boss is the wrong word, but his name is Dasha, and he hired me and Banri a while back as temporary help, 'cause he's short-handed right now."

"Well, you made that sound innocent enough, but something tells me the man isn't running a restaurant, Gojyo."

I figured, if I was asking him to get involved, I'd better tell him the truth. "No. He's more of a crime boss."

Hakkai frowned. "I see."

"Look, you don't hafta' go. I just thought I'd ask."

He thought a while longer before answering, "No, I'll go."

I couldn't quite hide my surprise this time, "Really?"

"Yes." He handed the list back to me, "But I'm not going to help you steal something. I'm only going to make sure you don't get yourself killed."

This time, I was stunned, and it was all I could do to stare at him, waiting for him to laugh and say he was kidding and that he didn't actually care.

That didn't happen, and Hakkai looked back at me a moment before his forehead wrinkled, "Gojyo?"

"Sorry, sorry. I'm just…thinking about something. But, so you'll go then, right? That's cool. Let's meet tomorrow morning outside the Jin southern exit."

"My morning, or yours?"

"Better make it yours." I grumbled.

"Very well then. I'll be sure to pack a lunch."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you want, school boy."


	3. Chapter 3

**Note: Frankly, I'm having trouble getting Hakkai into character, seeing how he was probably a lot different before he met Kanan…**

* * *

**Hakkai**

Getting away from the university was easy enough, as it had been the first time. I rose early, so the only person around to see me leaving was my room mate, Jing-Sheng, "Where are you off to so early on a Saturday?" He asked.

"Oh, nowhere, really. Just into Cheng to do some shopping."

"Again?"

"Yes. I neglected to pick up some essentials on my last trip. Hopefully, I won't be gone long.

Jing looked at me, rather skeptically, I thought, but he let me go, and I was off. An hour later, I was on the road with Gojyo, heading south to Ying village, not even fully self-aware as to what compelled me to accompany him. Ying was a place rumored to be steeped in strange, youkai magic, some good, some black, but that wasn't any source of uncertainty for me. Rather, I was concerned about Gojyo's motives for asking me to go in the first place. Last night, as I'd lain down to fall asleep, it had occurred to me that he might be trying to use me, and yet, not even that had kept me from agreeing to go with him. What bothered me the most was that I was aiding him in potentially criminal acts, not even knowing the reason behind them necessarily, but, as I'd said, I was only going to make sure he didn't get himself killed in the pursuit of some meaningless trinket.

At any rate, he seemed glad to have me along. He ate the food I'd brought for him and joked with me and seemed all together, even more cheerful than usual. As was often the case, his high spirits put me at ease, and I even found myself smiling along with him.

I looked his list over again, "Do you have any idea what these items are?"

"Not really. I've been askin' around about them and doing a little research, but I haven't found anything out."

"Could they possibly be symbolic? I find it hard to believe that you're actually going to find a goddess's ring anywhere, or an enchanted flower."

"Who knows? I don't give a shit what they are or what they do, I just know I have to go find 'em. Sort of a pain in the ass, but hey, that's life."

"And what are we picking up today?"

"That first one, the Book of the Ancients, or whatever. It's supposed to be hidden in a tomb somewhere."

"How did you find that out?"

"Just happened to run into someone who knew. I got lucky."

I wondered how he intended to find the other items, but he was likely working on that already.

The walk ahead of us was long and daunting though, and when I looked far down the road, there was nothing. All around us were grasslands, the landscape absurdly flat in comparison to the hills further north. Still, the weather was fair, and having set out from An Jin at nine, we were making good progress. With a little luck, I'd be back in Cheng just in time for dinner.

Hopefully no one would question me about where I'd gone and what I'd done on my own for six hours.

Gojyo got bored quickly. He smoked even more than usual, and he talked a lot, at times, seemingly about nothing. When we'd been on the road for just under an hour, he smacked me in the back of the head, shouting, "Tag!" And raced ahead.

At first, I was too startled to react, and just watched him.

It took him a second to realize I wasn't giving chase, and he bounced to a stop, sliding a little in the sand and facing me, poised to spring away should I give any indication of coming after him. "What's wrong? You too scared to chase me?"

Somewhat amazed, I shook my head. Granted, most of the time we spent together was frittered away on pointless, juvenile activities, but initiating a game of tag seemed even more childish than usual. I'd never indulged in such absurd antics, even as a small child, but at sixteen years old, he still didn't seem to have grown out of them. I marveled at how immature he was, and yet, it was never enough to annoy me to the point of not wanting to be around him. He pulled it off so easily, he made it almost…endearing.

"C'mon, Hakkai, don't be such a bore." His posture had relaxed by now, and I could see he didn't think I had any intentions of chasing him, "We gotta' walk for the next two hours, you could at least-"

Now finding myself within arm's reach of him, I lunged forward, took a swipe at his face.

Gojyo yelled in surprise and barely managed to back out of my range in time, scrambled on the dirt, as he once again took off running.

Hardly knowing what I was doing, I went after him. His legs were longer than mine, so I had to focus on moving more quickly than he was.

"You suck!" He laughed. "I thought you were too good to play games."

"You hit me in the head." I informed him, bearing down hard, "I only wish to repay the favor."

"Good luck! You'll never catch me!"

"And who won our race yesterday?"

Gojyo just laughed again, and, with a sudden burst of speed, pulled away.

We ran that way for a couple more minutes before I managed to jump forward and slap him on the back.

"Owe!"

I breezed past him, "It appears you're it."

We went on like that for goodness knows how long, tagging back and forth, ramming each other with our shoulders, each 'tag' a little harder than the last, doing our best to run one another off the side of the road; I felt somewhat foolish at first. When I'd lived at the orphanage, I'd very rarely run and played games with the others, and I'd certainly stopped somewhere between the age of ten and twelve. Never-the-less, I estimated that we covered several miles that way. If nothing else, this silly, little game was helping us make good time.

I doubted he'd even considered that. It looked like he was just having fun, and when he turned his head to stick his tongue out of me, I suddenly lost any certainty I'd had that he might be using me. There was simply no way that this childish person would even know _how_ to go about using someone. Not that I thought he was stupid, just I didn't believe he had it in him. I somehow doubted there was a single malicious bone in his body.

Smiling, I jumped on him again, tackling him around the knees, and brought him to the ground. He screamed, and we both fell in a cloud of dust.

"Dammit, Hakkai." He kicked me off lightly, "That was no 'tag'. It doesn't count."

"The rules of tag are very simple, Gojyo. You have only to touch someone in order for the status of 'it' to transfer. The manner of touch is inconsequential."

He scowled, "Fine then." Shoved my shoulder. "You're it."

I jabbed him in the ribs, "Now you are."

Gojyo hauled back to punch me in the arm.

It was then that I noticed a shadow had fallen over me, blocking the rays of the morning sun from my face, and I looked up, expecting to see that a small cloud had passed above us, although the early fall sky had been cloudless ever since I rose this morning.

Instead, I saw that a man was standing over us. He was tall, somewhat old with a long, gray beard and shaggy hair, but his back looked straight and strong. He wore a black coat that fell almost to the ground, and a pair of round, dark glasses.

Gojyo noticed him too and gawked.

I did a quick scan of the area to see if we'd reached civilization without my realizing it, but we were indeed, still in the middle of nowhere, and I couldn't see any plausible location from which this man might have come. I supposed he was just a fellow traveler, coming from the other direction, and we'd been too absorbed in our antics to notice him.

For a while, the figure stared back at us, and then, he finally spoke, "'Mornin', boys."

He had a voice deep and rugged and full of mysticism.

"Good morning." I greeted as pleasantly as I could, even when his sudden appearance was a bit unnerving.

"It's a little early for a coupla' boys to be in the middle of nowhere, isn't it?"

"It's early for you too, gramps." Gojyo answered.

"Oh, but you see, I'm a salesman, my boy. I go where I please, selling my wares to any interested customer I cross paths with. Time means nothing when you live a life such as mine."

I got up, pretending to be busy dusting myself off as I gave him a more detailed inspection. His clothes were somewhat tattered and coated with dirt, as if he had been walking a great distance, but I didn't see a pack on his back, or so much as a satchel under his arm, so I couldn't imagine where he kept his supplies or his food, let alone his wares.

Gojyo got up too, shoving some hair out of his eyes, "What'dya' sell?"

The man's long, craggy face was suddenly split by a sharp, yellowish grin, and I saw that he had one gleaming, gold tooth. He spread his arms grandly, "Magic, my boy. Magic."

"Magic?" I questioned.

"Yes, young sir. I'll sell you a potion to cure illness, or a charm to ward off evil spirits. Perhaps an intelligent-looking boy such as yourself would be interested in a spell to invoke the strength of the creatures of the underworld, or to summon great beasts. To control the elements and command the weather."

I still couldn't see how he could be carrying any of those things with him when he didn't have so much as one article of luggage on his person.

"A bright, human boy like yourself might find limitless power in the spells I have to offer."

"Sounds crazy." Gojyo scoffed. "Move along, pops—he ain't interested."

I found it unusual that Gojyo was speaking, seemingly on my behalf, as if he meant to defend me from someone who he'd apparently decided was a charlatan. I suppose he thought me completely naïve and sheltered.

But then the man turned to him, smiling all the more mysteriously, "Then perhaps I can interest _you_ in something, my boy. Yes, I think I have just the thing for you."

"No thanks. I don't need any potions or charms or whatever else you got. Thanks for stopping by. Have a nice day." He grabbed my arm and started to pull me away.

"A chance to be whole." The man said cryptically.

And Gojyo stopped suddenly, going perfectly still.

The magician produced two marbles, one white, one black held them up, one in each hand. "Light and dark. Chaos and order. Night and day. These opposites balance one another—without the balance, the very world would be lacking in sense. A child who is neither, lives a life of turmoil indeed, forever lost in his own confusion and hopelessness. Cursed by his own existence."

Gojyo's shoulders seemed to slump a little.

I watched him intently.

"If you could choose." The man whispered. "Which would you sell your blood to? The light? The dark? The night or the day?"

At last, Gojyo turned to him again, his face a mask of disinterest. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Suppose there was magic in this world powerful enough to alter the very fiber of your nature, to change your own genetic structure. If you knew that, by taking so much as a drop of some elixir, you could at last choose to walk one side of the balance, wouldn't you pay any price?"

Gojyo's eyes were beginning to shine, just a little.

I felt the need to warn him somehow, rested my hand on his shoulder, "Gojyo, this man is obviously a maniac. He's speaking nonsense."

My friend ignored me, "You tellin' me there's some kind of potion that could make me…?"

"Whole? Tell me, o' forbidden one, what would you give to stand either wholly in light or wholly in shadow?"

"Anything." Gojyo's voice seemed to ache with longing, "I'd give anything."

"Of course you would. That is your weakness—to yearn forever for a magic than can change the way you were born."

"Where is it?" Gojyo growled softly.

Suddenly, the man threw back his head and laughed, the marbles he'd been holding vanishing in twin puffs of gray smoke, "Foolish, little boy. In all the world, there is no such thing—the blood of your unnatural birth will stain your flesh forever."

Immediately, Gojyo's voice changed from longing to fury, and he clenched his fists, face burning with outrage, "You lied to me?"

"I didn't lie, you simpleton. I never said I had such a thing."

My heart sank a little. The man had been teasing him with a subtle cruelty all along, but there was no way I could have prevented it.

"You fucking asshole! You said you-"

"Gojyo, Gojyo." I grabbed his jacket sleeve, beginning to direct him away from the man, "Forget him." Contemptuously, I added, "He's nothing but a maniac, as I said. A cheap pretender, and nothing more."

He looked as if he wanted to jump on the man and pummel him, but I was determined to keep my grip on him—for all I knew, the man really did know some sort of craft—and in due time, I could see and feel him give up, resigning to the fact that there was nothing he could do.

I shifted my hand to his shoulder, the only futile consolation I could provide, and we continued walking.

Behind us, the man cackled again, "Come back this way again, boys, should you ever change your mind."

"Let it go." I urged quietly.

But Gojyo's face had fallen, and I could see there was little hope of cheering him now.

I remembered that he was under the impression that I had no idea he was a hanyou, so it was difficult to find anything to say that might ease his pain, and aside from that, I wasn't accustomed to comforting people in the first place, so I felt somewhat inept in that capacity. Still, I did the best I could.

"Obviously that man had some serious mental issues."

He continued to frown, eyes cast to the ground, and I got the sense it was more out of shame than anything else.

I added as non-specifically as I could, "Whatever he meant by the things he said…it was all nonsense anyway. You don't need to change—I think you're fine the way you are."

Finally, he looked up again, meeting my gaze with an expression of bewilderment and astonishment, as if no one had ever said such a thing to him before, and if I had to guess, I'd assume that was exactly the case.

For a moment, I looked back at him, seriously, and then I did my best to smile, just to show I really meant it. After all, Gojyo was silly and childish in many ways, and I hadn't known him very long, and his personality was considerably rough around the edges, but in knowing him only a little over a month, I hadn't found anything to be genuinely wrong with him, and I didn't see how being half youkai could honestly affect his worth so much. Perhaps I _was_ young and naïve, but I didn't understand why it mattered in the first place.

I'd heard it said over and over in my life that the two species were not meant to live together, and yet, they did, in perfect harmony as a matter of fact. Their children, aside from likely being sterile—like any hybrid creature—didn't deserve to be so set apart from normal society. And I certainly didn't understand all the nonsense about curses. Gojyo didn't seem cursed.

Eventually, Gojyo smiled back at me, but he didn't say anything. In fact, it wasn't until nearly an hour later that he was speaking and laughing again, as if everything were okay.

We reached Ying around eleven thirty, which was about a half-hour later than I'd expected. Between our encounter with the old man, and the routine hijinks and distractions Gojyo generated, we'd gotten a touch off-schedule, but I wasn't worried about it. I'd still be back in time for dinner, if all went well here.

Ying was a gloomy little village, settled in the middle of nowhere, with nothing but flat land around it for miles and miles. It was comprised of a very small number of ramshackle, wooden buildings: a few dozen pathetic dwellings, a handful of shops set up along the main road, and a large structure near the middle that likely served as a meeting hall for the villagers. All in all, I thought it was a bit shabby to be independent, but the people looked suspicious, unwieldy, and tough in their own primitive way. They glared at us as we passed through, whispering amongst themselves.

Gojyo was himself again by then, and he took one look around, said loudly enough for anyone nearby to hear, "Not the nicest welcome I've ever gotten."

"Somehow I think they aren't exactly used to having guests."

"Maybe people would visit their town more if they'd be a little friendlier."

"Never mind. Where do we find this book?"

"In a crypt somewhere."

I looked around the town, but there didn't seem to be any very likely location for a tomb of any sort. "Yes, but where?"

"Dunno'."

Half-annoyed, I turned to him, "You weren't very thorough in your research."

"Like I said, I got lucky I found somebody who knew what I was talking about."

"Well, in that case, it might be in our best interest to ask someone who knows."

"Yeah, it looks like everybody's totally excited to answer any questions we have. Ask away."

"What, pray tell, were you planning to do? Wander around until you found it?"

"Pretty much."

"You truly are a wonder." Reminding myself that I had come strictly to make sure Gojyo didn't get himself killed in this unfamiliar place, I added, "Well, since it is your assignment, I think you'd better ask."

Gojyo apparently didn't see fit to argue with me, so he approached the nearest stranger, who happened to be a beautiful, young woman, and proceeded to flirt with her for several minutes, after which, I became impatient.

"It's incredible you ever get anything done." I told him, and took over the conversation. The girl didn't know anything about a crypt. She told us that the dead in this town were buried a mile or so from the village outskirts, in a small, public cemetery. To the best of her knowledge, there wasn't any kind of sepulcher there.

Fortunately for us, she turned out to be the daughter of the current village leader, and she was all too happy to take us home with her.

The village leader, on the other hand, looked at us as if we were something he'd found stuck to the bottom of his shoe, while I repeated my questions to him. When I had finished, he gave me a narrow-eyed, suspicious gaze. "There's only one crypt in our town, boys. The tomb of the past elders of Ying village. It stands at the center of the village, under an old tree. However, I can't help but wonder. What interest do two kids have in the tomb of past elders in a town that isn't even theirs?"

I smiled as pleasantly as I could as I jerked a thumb at Gojyo, "It's his research project for his social science class. Ask _him_ how he happened upon the subject."

Gojyo looked completely thrown off, but he recovered, stammering briefly, "I-uh, yeah. Social science. It's totally my passion, or something. I heard about your guys' awesome tomb over here and just had to check it out." He finished up by giving me a dirty look.

The man seemed all the more apprehensive, but he let us go just the same.

"Maybe your daughter could show us the way." Gojyo added on our way out.

I pinched his arm hard for that.

"Owe! Hey, that hurt!"

"Excuse me. Just a little conditioning experiment for _my_ research project, entitled: _Will the Idiot Continue to Say the Wrong Thing at the Wrong Time When Negative Consequences are Introduced?_."

"Ha ha, very funny."

"Joking aside, I suggest we proceed with caution now that we know where the book is. That man seemed very loath to trust us."

Together, we walked back through town, heading toward the center of the village. There were fewer people gathered around now, and those who were still on the street seemed to ignore us.

Before long, we came to a wide, open, round area, where the shops circled around, and the street was made of stone. In the middle, I saw a short wrought-iron fence encircling a grassy area, where a tree was growing. It was tall and old, hunched over, with gnarled, black branches and clumps of ash-colored leaves that shivered and rattled in the wind. Just beneath the tree there were two narrow, stone doors, which apparently led into the earth.

"That's gotta' be it." Gojyo stepped ahead of me, swinging himself over the fence.

I stopped at the gate and examined the small, hand-painted sign that said, 'no children allowed'. "I suppose we'll be ignoring this."

"We ain't kids, Hakkai." He was already scraping leaves and weeds away from the sepulcher door, preparing to heave it open.

"Says the boy who initiated a game of tag earlier today." I murmured, but then I too jumped over the gate and went to help him.

Together, we pulled the heavy, stone doors up, staring down into the blackness. A breath of cold air hit me, bringing with it the stench of rot and must. It almost seemed as if a low voice moaned from somewhere in the deep darkness.

Gojyo grinned at me, "Ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

Side by side, we descended into the tomb, where the air was still and icy, choked with the smell of death and solitude. When we'd gone down a few steps, it was too dark to see our hands in front of our faces, so Gojyo got his lighter out, holding it up like a small, wavering beacon, and I saw that the smooth walls on either side of us were made of the same, pale, gray stone as the doors.

It seemed we went down into the planet's core forever. In reality, I knew it likely took approximately twenty minutes, but every step I took made me a little more nervous, and the chill made me shudder, but I wasn't really afraid, so I marched ahead, resolutely, ignoring the little voice inside that told me I was involving myself in something larger than I'd bargained for.

"Thing sure is a pain in the ass to get to." Gojyo commented, and I caught a lungful of second-hand smoke.

"The question I can't help asking is, why is it buried so deep in the earth to begin with?"

"Maybe it belonged to some guy who's buried down here."

I thought there must be more to it, and I was eager to see what would make a book so special to not only merit being hidden in a crypt of dead wise men, but to also capture the attention of a crime boss.

When we'd walked a while, I noticed that there seemed to be a pale, bluish light shining in the distance, dully at first, and then bright enough that Gojyo put his lighter away, "God damn. I thought I was gonna' run out of lighter fluid."

Not long after that, we reached the bottom of the stairs and walked down a long, shadowy hall, to the end, where the bluish light was brighter than ever. Beyond the hall, we found ourselves in a cavernous room, made completely of stone, where I heard the echoing drops of water hitting stone, and the cold was even more bleak. All along the perimeter of the room, there were stone columns, tall and thick, and between each column was a heavy coffin, made from shining, black stone and standing on end, each with a different symbol engraved upon the lid. We turned around and around, looking at them all, and I counted fifty-two gleaming, black caskets, with more than enough room for at least fifty more. In the middle of the room, was what looked to be an alter, also made of pale, gray stone, an image of what appeared to be a sun chiseled into its face. On either side of it were two tall, black iron torches, balls of pale, blue fire the size of my head flaming atop them.

"Hey, Hakkai?" Gojyo was practically whispering, but his voice still reverberated and bounced back all around us, "You scared?"

"No, of course not." I whispered back, but I felt that, in a way, I was lying. The place was fantastic, and there was a feeling of magic in the air, the cold embrace of death seemed to be just a step away, and there was an eeriness around me I couldn't quite identify. "Are you?"

He shook his head. "Nah. It's just a buncha' dead dudes." But his voice didn't raise any higher with irreverence or defiance, and I knew he could feel the strangeness in this place as well as I could.

Gojyo stood beside me a while longer, eyes fixed upon the alter in the middle of the room, and then threw his shoulders back, as if strengthening his resolve, and crossed over to it.

I was half a step behind him, thinking we'd do well to stay close together in a strange place like this.

Gojyo mounted the steps to the alter, and examined what was there, momentarily, before hissing at me, "Hakkai. This's it."

I pressed up beside him to get a look.

Indeed, there was a book there. It was the size of one of my larger text books, or a spiral notebook perhaps, but it was a thick, heavy volume, filled with hundreds and hundreds of pages. The cover looked older than the sand: it was brown leather, presumably, but it was so worn and smooth now, it seemed more like vinyl. The faces of two men with long beards, facing each other, holding one hand up in a mirror image of one another, was embossed on the front, but no title was inscribed upon it. "Are you sure?"

"See any other books around here?" He flipped it open to the first, rumpled, yellowed page, but it must have been the flyleaf, for there wasn't so much as a drop of ink on it. He turned to the next page, and then to the next, and before long, he was thumbing through them quickly, voice hitching ever so subtly as he said, "Hey…there's nothin' in here."

Six-hundred or so thick, worn, perfectly blank pages. It looked to be a fancy journal, nothing more, and yet, I still had an odd nervousness festering in my gut.

A voice echoed all around us, "I was afraid this might be the case."

He and I both spun, simultaneously, to face the entrance we'd come through, where the village leader was now standing, a squad of men, twenty-strong, standing with him. They weren't normal villagers though. They all wore long, black robes with pale, blue trim, and they had katana riding on their hips. The entire force was giving us the exact same disappointed, scolding expression.

"What're you doin' down here?" Gojyo demanded, slamming the book closed at once.

"I knew as soon as you asked about the crypt that you two, little punks were looking to get your hands on the Book of the Ancients. As the leader of Ying, and the son of the men buried here, it is my sworn duty to protect the Book, as well as its powers, from marauders, thieves, and even snot-nosed, ignorant brats such as yourselves."

Gojyo sneered, "Oo, you're pretty special, huh?"

The man shot a baleful look at him, "Listen. You don't know what you're getting yourselves into. You have no idea the powers you are tampering with, no knowledge of what the Book of the Ancients can really do.

"Perhaps you heard the story once, around a campfire, of how the book was given to the Ancient Sage by the gods, in order to save the world from certain destruction. Or perhaps you only heard the part about the Book being able to answer any question your little heart can contrive, and so you said to one another, 'How cool. Let's go and find it', but heed my warning. There is a dark side to the powers you're toying with, and you will regret provoking it. Now, for all that is holy, if you value your peace and your happiness, hand the Book over to me."

Gojyo and I exchanged a glance, and I almost told him to obey the man, but one look in his eyes and I could see his defiance and his determination, and I knew he wouldn't give the book up just because someone had told him to. It made me wonder how deep his loyalty to Dasha went, or if he had a separate motive entirely.

He held the book to his chest, "Eat me."

"Don't be foolish, boy." The man was coming toward us, cautiously, "If you know what's good for you, you'll listen to me."

Gojyo watched his approach, and then, in a flash, he sprang atop the alter, grabbing one of the torches in his free hand, wielding it like a sword.

"Gojyo!" I shouted.

The leader and his men rushed forward.

Gojyo waited until they were close enough, and then he swung the torch at them, back and forth, in broad, sweeping gestures.

One man screamed, stumbled back, holding his face.

He jumped down from the alter, landing amongst them, swinging the torch all the way around. Someone's robe caught on fire. The others backed away quickly.

"You don't know what you're doing!" The leader screamed at him, making a grab for his hood.

Gojyo kicked him back, "Come on, Hakkai!" He ran for the stairs we'd come down, warding off more armed footmen as he went. Some of them tried to take the torch away from him, or to catch him from behind, but he was alert and quick, always managing to evade them or knock them down.

I ran after him, weaving through the crowd as well, but they didn't seem even remotely interested in me, seeing how I didn't have the book, and in a matter of seconds, I'd caught up to him, and we ran back down the hall to the bottom of the staircase, where Gojyo had to drop the flaming, blue torch, because the passage was too narrow to accommodate it.

As we bounded up the stairs, I cried, "Gojyo, this is absurd! Don't you think you should have listened to him?"

"No way! I didn't come all the way down here just to leave the stupid thing behind."

The men were chasing us. I heard their voices ringing up from below, the leader's especially clear as he gave the order to 'chase him down and get it back'.

This was much more complicated than I'd expected.

We reached the top of the stairs again in less than half the time it had taken us to go down, and by the time I saw daylight again, I wasn't sure how I should react to this situation. The squad was far enough behind us, and Gojyo was running quickly enough, that it looked as if we might actually get away with this, but I wondered if I might be able to talk him out of it, even if it was what he'd set his mind on.

I didn't get to ponder it for very long though; we had just reached the top, and Gojyo was exulting, "We made it!" We leapt from the mouth of the sepulcher, and my foot found grass again.

A second squad of men surged at us weapons in hands, and we practically ran into their arms.

Gojyo skittered to a halt, next to me, "Oh, hell no."

"Give up the book." The village leader's voice rang out from behind us.

We were busily trying to avoid the second batch of footmen, but Gojyo still found an opportunity to snap, "Go fuck yourself."

The leader emerged from the crypt, naked katana in hand. "This is your last chance—return that book to its rightful place, and I won't even tell your parents about what you tried to do here."

Gojyo laughed wanly, "Go ahead and tell 'em." He hauled off and punched the next man who tried to grab him, right in the stomach, and the man doubled over, stumbling back. He held the Book of the Ancients close to his chest, determined to keep fighting, even while we were completely surrounded.

"I see." The village leader's voice took on a regretful tone, and he clutched his katana with both hands, "Then you leave me no choice."

He lifted the milk-white blade to the sky, preparing to strike, and his men took a few steps back, safely out of range, as he stood over Gojyo.

My friend stood his ground, not so much as a trace of fear in his eyes, but I knew there was nowhere for him to go. "Bring it." He growled.

But my heart began to race, beating so fiercely, I thought it might give out.

"I take no pleasure in doing this." The village leader informed him, cocking back to take his swing.

In that moment, something snapped inside of me. I don't know if instinct took over, or if it was something even deeper than that, but when I saw what was about to happen, I knew there was only one thing left to do.

The leader had his back to me—he was so intent on retrieving his precious book and killing Gojyo, that he didn't even seem to remember I was there—he'd left himself vulnerable to attack.

_How naïve._ Something deep within me seemed to smile, and then, somehow, that smile was on my lips as well, and I didn't have to see it to know how dark and frightening it was.

My body was trembling as I took up a rock, the size of my fist, and sprang forward.

_This is what you came for. _That voice inside reminded me.

I slammed against the village leader, just as he was preparing to strike, smashed the back of his head with the rock. Blood sprayed around me in an unfamiliar, crimson shower, and I felt his skull give.

The man hit the ground hard, losing his grip on the katana so it flew a few feet, and then he was still.

I stood over him.

Everyone around me stared. Even Gojyo's eyes were round as the moon.

"H-Hakkai…"

My heart stopped suddenly, at the sound of my name, and then all I could do was stare at the man I'd struck down, feeling my own eyes grow wider and wider.

_What…have I done?_

Screaming, a group of his men rushed to his side, crouching next to him, feeling his pulse. I didn't hear what they said. I didn't hear anything.

_What have I done?_

Others came for me, their own weapons drawn, their eyes filled with uncertainty and anger. I barely saw them. Nothing seemed real.

_I can't believe I did that…_

The rock was still heavy in my hand, dripping with fresh blood. I dropped it.

"Hakkai!" Gojyo screamed, right beside my ear, free hand clenching my arm, "Let's go!"

"I…I…what did I…?"

"Come on, stupid!" He shoved me roughly, started dragging me toward a gap in their ranks.

A gap which they were rapidly acting to fill.

Gojyo broke through them before they could get their act completely together, knocking some to the side and attacking others so viciously, they actually backed down, but he was careful to keep me close beside him, and I stumbled to keep up.

Somehow, we got out of there… I hardly understood it, personally, I was in such a daze. I suppose Gojyo fought his way out, doing just enough to escape from the town, and he dragged me with him. Somehow.

Before I knew it, we were on the road again, but not the one we'd come in on. We were running as fast as we could, west. He had me by the wrist, screaming at me every here and again, but for the most part, we just ran. We ran and ran, until we reached the woods, where it was shady and damp and eerie.

Gojyo dragged me behind a tree, shoved me down into a bush, and pressed in beside me, one arm holding the Book of the Ancients to his chest, the other around my neck, and I could just barely hear the frantic pound of his heart above his panting.

We were there a long, long time. I watched the sunlight shift through the trees, not really aware of the time. Gojyo didn't speak, and I'd forgotten how. In time, the forest was quiet, the angry shouts of the squad that had been chasing us, faded into the distance. Even then, we stayed where we were a while longer.

By the time Gojyo finally stood up and murmured, "They're gone", I was beginning to feel that I'd gotten my wits back, a bit and I got up too, staring at the blood on my hands in horror.

"Shit. Who woulda' thought it'd be that dangerous? Those guys were nuts!"

Blood on my hands. Me. I'd never done anything wrong in my entire life. For so long, I'd hated so many things, but suddenly, seeing blood on my hands, I realized I didn't want to be responsible for trampling the rights of my fellow creatures.

The sight made me think of the vision I'd had the day Gojyo and I retrieved the medallion from Wu Manor. That frightening image of violence and pain…of me, covered in blood, thirsting for more.

_What does it mean?_

"I think if we follow this road, it'll take us back to An Jin. Dunno' how long that'll be though; if we're lucky, those dicks'll keep looking for us in the forest long enough to escape." He turned to stare at me, "Hey, you okay, kid?"

I couldn't stop looking at my bloody hands, "I…I can't believe what I've done."

"Yeah, I can't really believe it either."

At the sound of that incredibly senseless, unfeeling statement, I glowered at him, "This is all your fault."

"My fault? How the heck is this_ my_ fault?"

"You brought me to that place, you led the way into that…that… mausoleum, and you stole that _thing_. If it weren't for you, I'd be home studying. I'd enjoy a pleasant afternoon reading. I'd-

"No one made you come." He shot back. "And, nobody made you bash that guy with a rock either."

"How dare you?" I practically shouted. "I only did that to stop him from slicing you in two!"

Gojyo only met my gaze for a second or two before lowering his eyes, tilted his head forward to hide behind his hair, "I didn't ask you to do that. I didn't ask you to come so you could protect me."

"Then _what_ did you ask me to come for?" I demanded, feeling that much angrier.

He shrugged, "Dunno'. It was a stupid idea though."

"You must be insane." I accused. "That's the only rational conclusion I can seem to draw from any of this. You're stealing rare, precious items from dangerous people because a crime boss told you to, even if it puts your life in jeopardy. You'll probably get yourself killed if you keep working on this twisted, little to-do list. You almost got yourself killed today! God! I can't believe I just killed a man on your behalf, just so you could turn around and tell me you didn't need me to come!"

He glared at me again, "I didn't say that. And that guy isn't dead."

"What do you mean he isn't dead? Did you not see what happened? Did you completely overlook what I did? I…I…" I stared at my hands again, and my eyes were beginning to burn, voice choking, "I killed him. I beat his brains out. I have to live with his blood on my hands. Forever. Do you understand that?"

"What, you think _I've_ never killed anybody before?"

"It doesn't matter if you have…" The tears were threatening to slip away now as I considered what I'd done. I saw the image of the village leader fall, bleeding out, over and over. My chest got tight, and it was all I could do to bite back a sob.

"No, I mean, I know a dead body when I see one, Hakkai. That guy wasn't dead."

"You're just saying that to make me calm down." I answered faintly. "You're just telling me that so I won't think I'm a killer." One tear did make the long journey down my face, and I swiped at it, agitatedly. "I'm a killer."

Gojyo watched, unblinkingly, and I was too ashamed of the murder I'd committed to feel shame for crying in front of him.

_How shall I ever live such a thing down?_

_How shall I ever…touch anyone ever again?_

He shoved the book under my nose, suddenly, "Here. Ask it."

I met his gaze, reluctantly, almost afraid to face him. His eyes were like two garnets.

"What?"

"That guy you hit with the rock said this book can answer any question you ask. So ask it."

"But that…" I swiped a tear off my cheek, and spoke reproachfully, "Gojyo. It's completely ridiculous to believe such a thing. This blank book can't possibly tell me if the man I attacked is alive or not."

"We gotta' test it anyway. So just ask it."

"No… I will not."

We glared at each other a long minute or two, and then he suddenly shoved the Book of the Ancients into my arms with a rough, "Just do it, Hakkai."

With a sigh, I looked down at the worn, tattered book, hardly believing the trouble we'd gone through to retrieve it, or the crime I'd committed to…

_Why did I do that? It's as if something took over me._

_That man would have killed Gojyo, and then I'd be…_

In a way, the man deserved what I'd done to him. And then again, he was just protecting what was important to him.

I took a long, hard look at Gojyo, and then, suddenly, I had to know, and I peeled the book open, right in the middle, figuring it hardly mattered what page I turned to, "Very well. Book of the Ancients…. Did I…did I kill the man I struck with the rock?"

At first, nothing happened, and I almost shoved it back at him, scoffing, waited just one more second, and then, I was amazed to see that words appeared. Elegantly scripted words, coming to life right before my eyes, as if someone were writing them out in black ink, while I watched. The inscription read: _'Tranquility will become chaos when that which is precious to you is threatened, and you two are bound together by the ties of another lifetime.'_

I read it over and over, but it never seemed to make any more sense than it had the time before, and yet, I felt that it had answered a separate question. A question I'd been asking in my heart.

Finally, I lifted my gaze to look at Gojyo again, who was standing back, smoking quietly, and watching me. "It says-"

"Hey, don't tell me. I don't care what it says. It's none of my business if you killed that asshole or not."

"Yes, but-"

He leaned forward, resting his arm on my shoulder, "I don't care, Hakkai."

After that, I was able to calm myself enough to apologize for yelling at him, and we began our long journey home. Unfortunately, the road we now had to take was longer, curving back around to An Jin—not at all the straight shot we'd come down on—and I knew I'd been wrong about being back at the university for dinner.

We were silent most of the way, but when the lights of An Jin were in sight, I did finally ask him, "Don't you think it might be wise to quit this while you're ahead?"

"What're you talking about?"

"These things you're picking up for Dasha, of course. Don't you think the best course of action would be to conveniently 'lose' the rest of that list?"

He stared steadily ahead as he answered, "It ain't that simple, man."

"Is it really not that simple, or are you overcomplicating it?"

"No." His voice was firm, angry almost, "It really isn't. If you don't wanna' come next time, don't."

"It's not about that."

"Then what is it about?"

I took a moment to compose my thoughts before telling him, "Those items you're searching for don't seem to be charming, little baubles a collector might envy; they seem to have power. The man in Ying said it too, you might recall. You're toying with a power you don't know anything about."

Then I added gravely, "But your boss does."

"Dasha's an idiot." He said flippantly. "He doesn't know anything."

"He knows enough to have you getting these things together for some reason."

Gojyo went a while longer without saying anything, but after a while, he answered, "I still can't just quit, Hakkai. I know you don't get it, but believe me. This isn't the kinda' thing you just walk out on."

I grabbed his arm, stopping him, so that he'd finally look at me. "Gojyo, he's using you. Can't you see that? For your own sake, consider the circumstances—think about what happened today, compared to what almost happened—consider the possible ramifications to this situation, I beg you."

"It's none of your business, okay? Whatever happens, it's my problem, not yours. Got it?"

I sighed, frustrated by how stubborn he could be, "Will you at least promise not to go after any more of those things on your own?"

"Hakkai." He ran his hand back through his hair, "No one expects you to get involved, alright? You don't have to-"

"_You_ asked me to get involved, if I remember correctly, and after what happened today—as well as at Wu Manor—I don't see how I could possibly let you pursue this dangerous assignment on your own. Do you understand?"

"Jeez, you lecture a lot. Fine. You can tag along when I go to get the rest of it. Happy?"

"And will you consider getting out of this before it's too late?"

"If that'll get you off my back, sure, I'll consider it."

"Yes, but will you take it into _serious_ consideration?"

"Don't push it, Hakkai. Now look, I gotta' get going. I think if you follow this road it'll get you back to Cheng."

I tried to drop it. After all, I couldn't force him to listen to me. "Very well. I may or may not get in trouble for disappearing all day and missing dinner, so it could be several days before I see you again."

"Man, your school is nuts. 'Kay, I'll see you when I see you."

I gave him a serious look, "Don't get into trouble before then."

Gojyo grinned at me suddenly, "Alright, alright, ya' old lady. I won't. I swear. Now go home and try to relax." He pounded my back and walked away, lugging the Book of the Ancients with him.

I watched him go until he was out of sight before continuing up the road.

_'…you two are bound together by the ties of another lifetime…'_

I didn't know what that meant, but I felt that it did mean _something._ In a way, it answered a question I'd been longing to ask, but was afraid to say out loud.

_If that man is dead, was it worth it?_

_I suppose I'll find out. In time._

* * *

**Gojyo**

Dasha was pleased as piss to get his stupid book, but all I got as a reward was an irritating, little pat on the head, and then, when he asked me if there were any complications, I played down the dangers we'd gone through to get the thing. I didn't want to look desperate, especially not to Dasha. He'd exploit that in a heartbeat. Desperate or not though, I did feel pretty hopeful about this whole thing.

Hakkai was right—it was probably the smart thing to do to get out of this before I got in too deep, and I might even be able to pull it off, if I played my cards right, but I had a lot at stake. I couldn't just give up now.

Before I took the Book of the Ancients to Dasha, I tried asking it a question of my own. I asked where my brother was, but all it said was _'Follow the path to destiny, and you'll find what you seek.'_ That had to be the worst answer possible. Oh well, I hadn't really been expecting the magic book to know where Jien was, so it wasn't like I was emotionally crushed when it couldn't give me a straight answer.

I gave the book to Dasha, and then, for a long, long time, I didn't work on his so-called scavenger hunt anymore.

For one thing, Hakkai made me promise I wouldn't go looking for the other three things without him, but whenever I mentioned the list to him, he got this funny, anxious look on his face, so I never pushed it.

There was no deadline anyway, like Dasha said, and I could wait a little longer to collect the rest of the stuff. In time, Hakkai would get bored and be willing to go with me, or he'd find out I was a hanyou and stop hanging out with me. What was the rush?

But, for the rest of the year, neither of those things happened, and somehow, me and Hakkai were inseparable. At least, as much as we could be, living in different towns. We hung as often as possible, month after month, and after a little while, I actually started feeling like I really had a friend, and that was a big deal for a worthless half-blood like me. Banri was the closest thing I'd had to a friend up until now—Jien didn't count, because he was my brother—and Banri was probably the worst friend, and the worst partner, anyone could ever have. He came back, eventually, like he always did, but he wasn't interested in helping me get Dasha's stuff, and he was the same prick as he'd ever been, and the more I compared the way he treated me to the way Hakkai treated me, the more I felt that, somehow, this thing had slipped past my curse's radar, and I'd really gotten lucky.

For now anyway. It was just a matter of time before Hakkai found out I was a hanyou. I thought, when the old guy on the side of the road started babbling about making me 'whole' that Hakkai would figure it out, but I guess he hadn't understood anything the old asshole had said. I'd lucked out again. In time though, Hakkai would learn, and then he wouldn't want to be anywhere near me. He probably wouldn't even want to admit that we had been friends once.

Oh well. In the meantime, I was determined to enjoy what I had, so I saw Hakkai every chance I got. If he wanted to hang out, I was there; if he came along and totally disrupted whatever I had planned for the day, I dropped it without a thought. When he came pounding on my door and I had a hangover, I didn't complain, I was just happy to see him. I ignored all the assholes I used to run around with, stayed away from the skanks and the criminals, and put all my focus into making this work.

The months passed, and I barely even thought about Dasha's list. Even the possible prize at the end didn't seem important anymore.

It could be that I was just being idiotically optimistic, but I actually believed that I could make this last. It was all a matter of lying smoothly and hiding most of the facts about my life. I was even dumb enough to think that, maybe, if I made it last long enough, by the time Hakkai uncovered the truth, he might not care at all.

That was completely idiotic, but I let myself think it anyway, maybe because, after so much bad shit had happened, and I'd lost so many important people, I just really, really needed some hope to hang on to.

When winter came along the weather got cold and snowy, and then hanging around outside sort of sucked.

The first snow of the year came, and I walked halfway up the hill to Cheng to meet Hakkai at our normal meeting place. He was a little late, and I had to stand out in the cold for half an hour, waiting around and smoking to keep warm. Giant flakes were falling through the air, and by the time he finally came along, I was dusted and shivering.

Hakkai frowned at me, "I'm sorry. I had a little homework that took longer than I expected it to. Have you been here long?"

"Nah. Just a couple minutes."

He got that skeptical look he always got when he didn't believe me, but his only comment was, "You could have at least worn a coat, considering the weather; don't you have any sense?"

I chanced a quick look down at my tattered hoodie. I'd had it for a long time now, and it was getting pretty worn out, the sleeves were a little too short, revealing about half an inch of my wrist whenever I extended my arm all the way, and the material was thin. It really wasn't much good for keeping warm. "I have _sense_, Hakkai, it's the coat I don't got."

His frown deepened, and he pulled his own thick, down coat tighter, like the very idea was making him cold. "No coat?"

"It's been a while since I found one in my size." I joked, "Anyway, let's go."

"Go where?"

"I don't know. Wherever." I resisted the urge to rub my arms, hiding how cold I really was.

"Personally, I could use a hot cup of coffee. Why don't we go down into town?"

It was my turn to frown, "An Jin? Meh, what are we gonna' do in that shithole, Hakkai?"

"Get coffee." He said, a little impatiently.

"Can't we go to Cheng to do that? There's nowhere to get good coffee in Jin."

"I'm sure we'll find some place. Besides, it's closer, and in this cold, I doubt you want to walk all the way back down to the slums without a coat."

"The cold doesn't bother me."

"Well it bothers me that you don't have a coat."

"Whatever. It's not a big deal." I tried to think of something that could keep us from going back down to Jin, but he had that stubborn look on his face, and I doubted I could talk him out of it. Instead of arguing anymore, I stopped and crouched down to scoop up a couple fistfuls of powder, quickly packing it into an icy, little ball. "Hey Hakkai!" I called after him, jumping up and cocking my arm back.

He was already watching me, smiled his rare but obscenely pleasant smile, "I dare you."

Obviously, he thought that would make me change my mind, but there was no way. I'd just made the perfect snowball, and I wasn't backing out now. I flung it at him, watching as it flew through the air, arcing toward his head.

He really must have thought I wouldn't do it, because he didn't even make an attempt to dodge, and the snowball hit him square in the face, snow splattering across his forehead and hair.

"Oh shit!" I laughed.

Hakkai wasn't smiling anymore when he brushed the snow away and glared at me.

My laughter turned nervous, "Heh heh, sorry, pal… I thought you'd move."

Without a word, he knelt down in the snow, scooping up a little powder of his own.

"Um, Hakkai? You okay?" I took a small step back, still grinning. "I didn't mean to hit you in the face."

He was busy packing his own snowball together, taking the time to make sure it was perfectly round.

"Hey, come on, man. It was a joke. I'm sorry."

He set the first ball into the crook of his arm, and then busily set to making a second.

"Hakkai…"

When he had three of them, he stood up again, looking piercingly at me, "You're going to wish you had a coat now, Gojyo."

"Hey, dude, what's the big deal? I-"

Hakkai threw the first one, snapping his wrist to give it a deadly spin.

With a scream, I tried to dive out of the way, but it still hit me in the side of the head—a perfect shot. The second one struck me in the chest. "Owe!"

The next thing I knew, he was chasing me down, third snowball in hand.

"Dude!" I took off running, straight down the hill, into the wind and the snow.

He was right on my heels, a touch of laughter in his voice, "This is going to hurt."

"Wait, wait! I only hit you once!"

"And I intend to repay you three fold."

"C'mon, I'll pay for your coffee!"

"I think I'd much rather have the satisfaction of smacking you upside the head with this snowball."

"You suck, Hakkai!"

The final ball hit me in the back of the head, knocking me forward, and I almost lost my footing. "Alright, alright." I turned to him, "You got what you wanted."

He was still running at me.

"Hakkai!" I held my hands up, "Hang on a sec-"

He hit me like a charging bull, knocking me flat on my back in the snow, landed practically on top of me, and shoved my head down into the icy white. We wrestled around on the ground a second, powder flying around us, and I did my best to shove him off, even as he was burying me alive.

"Hey, hey! I don't got a coat, remember?"

"Something to consider the next time you feel the impulse to hit me in the face with something as hard and cold as a snowball." He dumped some snow down the back of my shirt.

With a shout, I finally managed to push him off, scrambled to my feet, and kicked a pile of snow in his face.

Hakkai lunged at me, but I stepped into him, using his own force to throw him back over my shoulder, and he landed heavily in an even deeper snow bank. When he sat up, throwing his head back and forth, he was covered from head to toe in white.

I couldn't help laughing at him, "Serves you right!"

"Gojyo. You are going to pay for that."

"Pay for what? I was just getting you back!" I darted away, just as he was springing up, another, sloppier snowball in hand.

We chased each other all the way back down the hill, knocking one another into the snow and throwing more snowballs, until we were both soaked and dripping and laughing.

"Truce, okay? Truce." I called, when An Jin was in sight, flopped down into the snow, figuring I was as wet as I could get anyway, and made a quick snow angel.

"I hope you learned your lesson." Hakkai answered mildly, offering me a hand and pulling me up. "It's not much of a likeness of you." He commented.

"Nah, just needs the finishing touch." I bent over to tuck what little was left of my cigarette into the snow, vertically, just where the angel's mouth should have been. "Perfect."

He looked at it a moment, before shaking his head, "You never cease to amaze me. Now then, shall we go get that coffee you promised? I'm feeling rather cold, even with my coat on."

My hoodie was sopping wet, and the wind was freezing, so I was more than ready to agree to go back to Jin, but only under the condition that we stay up town, where I was less likely to see someone I knew, someone who was going to wonder what I was doing with a clean-cut kid wearing a coat.

We wound up in a café that was pretty nice, and a little out of my price range, but it was peaceful, and there were some fine-looking tarts lounging around, gossiping and reading magazines. The barista was cute too, and I flirted with her a little when I went to order the coffee, but she didn't seem all that interested.

"She's much too old for you." Hakkai decided, when I sat down with the coffee. "Ah, thank-you."

"That girl ain't a day over twenty-one."

"And you just barely turned sixteen. I believe the technical term is 'jail bait.'"

"I ain't jail bait, Hakkai, I just like 'em with a little experience. And I've got plenty of experience, so what's the big deal?"

He took a slow sip of his coffee, "You're a child, and she's an adult."

"Hn. What's it matter?" I took a drink too, thinking that it had been a long time since I'd felt like a kid. Most of the chicks I hooked up with were thrilled to have a boy toy without parents to get pissed off about it. I guess most of the chicks I hooked up with were the type to be looking for that in the first place. It was just a little wrong, I realized.

Hakkai was watching me, not saying a word, but I could see he was making his own judgments, not even knowing all the facts. He took a moment to stir some creamer into his coffee, before asking, with a note of carefulness, "Have you ever considered possibly…changing your lifestyle, just the slightest bit?"

"No." I snorted, "What would I do that for?"

"Well, the way you live is a bit inappropriate for someone your age, don't you think?"

"Not really." I looked down into the black pool of coffee, saw my scarred face staring back at me. "I don't appreciate the judgment call, by the way."

"I didn't intend for it to sound as if I'm judging you, but…well, frankly, you concern me. You're only recently sixteen, and you drink and smoke and gamble and sleep around as if you're in your mid twenties. I just can't imagine that it's safe. Or healthy, for that matter."

Everyone I'd ever known had lived this way. Then again…I guess I'd never known a lot of people my own age. Hakkai was sort of the first, and obviously, he wasn't living like me at all.

"Are you angry?" He asked, after a few minutes had passed.

"Not really. I have no idea what to say."

"You do see the nature of my concern though, don't you?"

"I dunno'. What difference does it make how old I am?"

"Well, apart from quickly throwing away any chances you have at bettering yourself, you could get yourself into a lot of trouble."

I wanted to say that I couldn't see how it was any of his business, tell him to shove that concern up his ass, but for some reason, I couldn't, mostly because no one had ever cared before.

"I'll be okay." I mumbled, but I almost felt like I was just telling myself. It was something I'd been saying a long time now—ever since Jien left me, it had seemed like I left home and looked around at all the fucked up, dirty people who could do whatever they wanted to a hanyou like me and get away with it, and I'd said it then. _I'll be okay._ But I knew there was no guarantee for that. In fact, the chances of being 'okay' were really slim.

In reality, I'd been messing around with the wrong people and dabbling in the darker side of life a long time now, and just because it hadn't come back to bite me in the ass yet didn't mean it never would.

"I don't know." He sighed heavily, took another sip of coffee. "There are times when I'm not sure you fully understand what sort of fire you're playing with."

"I get it, okay?" I snapped at last. "I get that if I keep living like this I'll just wind up in a gutter or something, but-"

_There's nothing else I can do. I can't go to school even. How am I supposed to ever 'better myself'?_

Hakkai lowered his voice, like he didn't want anyone to hear, but me, "As I said, I'm not trying to judge you; it does concern me more often than I'd care to admit out loud, but…I can't exactly look after you. All I want is for you to take care of yourself, Gojyo."

"I get by. What more do you want from me?"

He gave me a sad look, "Just consider it, won't you?"

There was no way I was going to change the way I lived my whole life just because this prep didn't like it, but I decided I'd rather not answer. I didn't want to talk about this anymore. I didn't want to find out he was fucking with me.

"That girl looks like you." I said suddenly, staring over his shoulder at a chick who'd just come into the shop, scarf around her neck, long hair tousled and wet. She had the same insanely green eyes, and a similar face and build.

At first, he looked at me disapprovingly, like he was going to tell me not to change the subject, and then something must have occurred to him, because he suddenly twisted around in his chair to look.

"Seriously, she's like a female version of you." I started a cigarette, watching as the girl went and took a seat by the window. She had a couple textbooks with her, and she sat down, cracking them open right away. "Hot damn. She even acts like you."

"That's her." He said.

"That's who?"

"The girl with the green eyes."

"The one you're always looking for?"

"Exactly."

I checked the chick out in a new light, noticing the way the way her hair was shining and the shape of her face, as well as her skinny waist and her plump ass. Her boobs looked pretty average, but over all, she was well worth hunting around An Jin for. "Not bad, buddy. She's hot."

"She's beautiful." He corrected.

"She's too old for you though." I was only half-teasing.

Hakkai frowned back at me, "Please don't start with me. The prospect of having lunch or coffee with a girl who can't be anymore than two years older than I am is very different than you having a one night stand with a twenty-two-year old whom you've only seen once."

I took a moment to decide if I wanted to get into it with him over that, and then decided it really wasn't worth it. Instead, I said, "So why don't you go talk to her?"

He frowned even more, if that was possible, and turned in his chair again. "Right now?"

"Sure, why not?"

"For one thing, she appears to be studying."

"So what? For all you know, you'll never run into her again."

"Be that as it may, it would be rude to interrupt her. She more than likely has a major exam coming up and has escaped here for some privacy."

"You've been looking for that chick ever since I met you, now she's sitting across the room from you, and you won't even go say hi because she's got a book in front of her?"

"You don't understand." He was biting his lip, and I got the feeling there was more to it than he was letting on.

"C'mon, man, don't tell me you're nervous. That's a gorgeous chick—just talk to her."

"I wouldn't know what to say."

"You telling me that all this time you've spent stalking her you haven't thought of anything to say to her?"

"Not necessarily…I…that is, there's a lot I have to say, but I suppose, I'm not sure how to begin."

Still, he kept staring at her, and I could see that he really wanted her, maybe more than I'd ever seen someone want another person, so, I figured I'd help him out. If the kid was too shy or whatever to talk to her, maybe I could break the ice. "Fine." I got up, taking a quick sip of coffee, "I'll talk to her."

Hakkai's head snapped back around so fast, I thought it would fly off, "Don't you dare."

"What? C'mon, it's not like I'm gonna' steal her—I'll just scope it out for ya'." I grinned at him.

But he grabbed my wrist, tightly, voice turning deadly serious, "Gojyo, you don't really understand what's happening here."

"Boy sees girl. Boy falls in love with girl. It's all pretty typical, Hakkai."

"That's not it. Please, I'm begging you not to do this."

I jerked loose, "You'll thank me later." I stepped confidently past him, and cross the room, and he hissed after me,

"Gojyo!"

Didn't he get that I was trying to help? Maybe he just didn't trust me, which I couldn't exactly blame him for. With a girl that gorgeous, I wasn't sure I could trust myself. I mean, she was dressed modestly, but I bet she'd look amazing naked.

I went over and purposely stood in her light, leaning on her table, "Hey there."

The girl looked up at me, and I noticed that her eyes were just a little fiercer than Hakkai's, but other than that, they seemed exactly the same. Even though I was giving her the biggest, most charming grin I could muster, she didn't smile back.

"Can I help you?" Her tone was cold and uninviting, and I could see from her expression that she really didn't like being interrupted.

"What'cha' reading?" I craned my head to try to see the text, but it was small, and all I could make out were some equations and shit.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?"

"My bad. I'm Sha Gojyo. And you are?"

"Busy."

"Hn. Your parents weren't very imaginative."

"There was very little that _was_ good about my parents. Now, if I may ask, again, what in the world do you want?"

She even talked a little like him. It was just the tiniest bit creepy. "Look, Miss Busy, your attitude's cute, but it just so happens I'm here to make your dreams come true."

Her eyes flicked over me, taking it all in: ripped, dirty jeans, wet, tattered hoodie, scars. I could tell she wasn't impressed, and I tried not to let it bother me. It's not like _I_ was after her. "I highly doubt that, Sha-Chan."

"Well, not me personally, but-"

"If not you personally, then you shouldn't have said you were the one who came to make my dreams come true. And since I doubt you know anything about my dreams in the first place, I suggest you move along. Perhaps find someone your own age." She smiled, but it was nasty.

"Fine, well look, Miss…"

"What can I do to make you leave me alone?"

This girl was one cold bitch, as far as I could tell, but I wasn't giving up that easy, "Just hear me out, okay? Look, my friend really likes you, but he's sorta' shy, so I just came to ask if you wanna' come over to our table and have some coffee. No expectations."

She raised an eyebrow at me, "You honestly expect me to stop what I'm doing, switch tables, and have coffee with a pair of complete strangers?"

"Um, well, you could at least come say hi to the kid. He really, really likes you. And, I think you'll like him more than you like me."

The girl didn't look convinced.

"Hey, come on, we won't bite—we're nice guys, I swear—we just wanna' have some coffee and get acquainted, then, if you don't totally fall in love with my friend, you can come right back over here and go back to your work. I promise." I struggled to make my smile even more charming and reassuring.

It took her a second, but her expression mellowed a little, "Well. Where is this friend of yours?"

Finally, some progress. "He's sitting right over there."

I turned around to point out Hakkai, but he wasn't where he was supposed to be. Our table was empty, both cups of coffee still sitting there, steaming. I did a once over of the shop, but he wasn't anywhere.

The girl got impatient right away, "Well?"

"Um. I…" I looked toward the bathroom to see if he'd come out, but I didn't think he would have even gone in if he knew I was about to bring back the girl of his dreams.

After another moment, she snorted and turned back to her book. "Nice try, kid. Now why don't you get out of my light and run back to your mother?"

Letting her insult slide off, I stepped away, still twisting around, looking for Hakkai, and when he didn't magically appear, I went back out into the snow to find him.

He was already at the other end of the street, hands plunged into his pockets, walking quickly.

"Hey!" I went after him, "Hakkai, wait!"

He didn't wait. He didn't even slow down, and I had to run to catch up.

"Hey, man, what the hell? What'd you leave for?"

"I wasn't interesting watching as you made an ass of yourself."

His voice was icy and furious, and it made me hesitate for a second before answering, "I was doing it for you."

"Forgive me if I seem ungrateful, but how dare you?"

"How dare I what? What the hell's your deal?" This was a little more serious than being sorta' shy.

"It wasn't your place to get involved—I didn't ask you to."

"Yeah, well you were just gonna' sit there and let her get away. I was just tryin' to help."

"You can't even help yourself, let alone successfully intervene in the problems of others, so I suggest you mind your own affairs from now on. The best you can, in any case."

"Dude, I'm not liking this self-important attitude of yours."

"In the future then, perhaps you'll keep your nose out of my business."

I stopped walking, letting him go ahead, not sure what else to do. He didn't hurt my feelings or anything—of course he didn't—but I was confused, and I could take a hint: he didn't want to put up with my bullshit anymore, which meant he was really pissed, and it would probably be smartest to just leave him alone.

Hakkai kept going, rounded the corner and was gone, without saying a word to me.

I waited a minute or two to see if he'd come back, but he didn't, and eventually, I turned around and headed back downtown.

I spent the rest of the afternoon digging up information on the next item on Dasha's list, and actually found out where to find it. I considered going to pick it up by myself, seeing how Hakkai wasn't there to go with me, but I decided I didn't want to walk over there in the snow, so I headed to Tai's bar instead, tried to chill out.

But I couldn't stop thinking about what had happened at the coffee place. I'd never seen Hakkai act quite like that before. Sure, he'd said I didn't understand, but how serious could it be? He'd always talked like he was interested in the girl, so why wouldn't he take his opportunity to hook up with her when he had the chance? Did they have some past history?

I didn't mean to go stumbling into anything painful.

So why did I do it? He told me not to, but I just ignored him. Couldn't I at least have found out more about their relationship before I stuck my dirty fingers in it? I was trying to help, but maybe it would have been better to stay out of it.

Hakkai might never come back, I realized, as I pounded beer after beer. Maybe I'd pissed him off so bad he'd just stay away forever.

Part of me wondered if that might be best for him anyway. Maybe it would be best for both of us. It had been, almost three months now, and I was starting to get a little attached to him, even when I knew how stupid that was. If it ended now, like this, it might be better than him finding out about my being a hanyou and running out on me when I'd convinced myself I needed him.

_I don't care either way._ I thought, but it was just a hopeless lie I had to tell myself so I wouldn't fall apart some day when I'd had too much. The same as saying 'I'll be okay'.

"You okay, Honey?" Tai reached over and touched my arm.

"Sure. Just thinkin' about some stuff."

She looked at me doubtfully, "You know, you can tell me when something's wrong."

"It's no big deal, it's just that there's this guy I know. A friend."

"A friend? Not one of the bums around here."

"Nah, he's nothin' like them. But I pissed him off today, I guess… Bein' an idiot. I think he's really mad at me."

Tai was quiet a while. She poured a drink for a guy who came back for another round, then said softly, "It bothers you a lot, I can tell."

"No. Well. Not really. I feel kinda' bad, is all."

She waited, like she actually expected me to tell her more, and then she said, "The first thing you need to do is be honest with yourself, and then be honest with him. If he's a true friend, he'll forgive you, no matter how bad you fucked up."

"Maybe. Right?"

"If he's a true friend. No offense though, kiddo', you're just not a great judge of that."

Yeah. I had this stupid way of getting attached to any asshole who whispered sweet nothings in my ear.

Grinning, I winked her, "You're my friend though, huh, Tai?"

"Of course I am, baby." Her hand rested over mine for a second, but not long enough. No matter how bad I wanted her comfort and her attention, I knew it never would. "So listen to me, okay? You gotta' figure out if this friend of yours is worth beating yourself up over, and if he isn't, maybe you're better off not seeing him again."

And if he was, and he never came back, that left me where I started, and that was a scary place to be. Crazy how something little, like having Hakkai around, made me feel like I was doing so much better, even if I was exactly where I was before he came.

"Do you think I'm a mess, Tai?" I don't know why I asked her that, if it was just the booze talking, but even if it was, I didn't give a shit tonight.

"A mess? What do you mean by that?"

"The way I live my life. Do you think it's…" I tried to think of the word Hakkai had used, "Inappropriate, I guess?"

She was quiet a long time, and then she almost whispered, because I knew she didn't want the other patrons to see us having this heart to heart anymore than I did, "I think it's dangerous. You're a smart kid, and I've seen you fight your way out of some serious shit, but my biggest fear for you has always been that you'll get in over your head and won't be able to get back up."

How long had I been living in this town now? Was it over two years? I guess I'd known Tai a long time now, and she had definitely seen me in some serious shit since then. "It's always Banri's fault." I muttered, mostly to myself.

"You can't blame Banri for every mistake you make, Gojyo. Some time, hopefully soon, you're going to have to start taking responsibility for the way you've made your life."

"I didn't make my life this way."

"You're still in this town. You're still doing work for Dasha and people like him. And you're still giving yourself out for much less than you're worth—and I don't mean physically, necessarily. You have a lot of talents and personality traits not just everyone deserves to take advantage of."

It wasn't the first time she'd told me something like that, and I still couldn't get over the shit my mother had told me once, no more than I had all the times before.


	4. Chapter 4

**4.**

…_when you opened up, what you said  
it was so sad,  
that no one would notice if you ran away…_

In Which they Visit a Witch

**Gojyo**

For the next few days, I hung around town and did my thing, secretly hoping Hakkai would turn up at my door and give me my shot at apologizing. Even if he didn't, I decided I needed to go up to Cheng and find him and apologize anyway. Tai was right. I didn't know a lot about having real friends, and I was as shitty at judging which friends were good and which were bad as I was at making good friends, but I still knew that if Hakkai was really my friend, he'd hear me out and tell me it was okay, even if I didn't exactly deserve it.

He came back after a few days, just when I was starting to think I'd have to go to him, and even though I was happy as shit to see him, as soon as I looked at him, I felt ashamed, I guess, and sort of nervous. I couldn't believe he'd come back when I wasn't sure he would, and it really made me wonder what it was that always made him come back.

Oddly enough, Hakkai looked almost as ashamed as I felt, dropping his eyes to one side when I opened the door, "Hello."

"Hey." I said flatly.

"Um, I hope it's all right for me to just show up like this."

"It was every other time, wasn't it?"

"Yes, but last time we saw each other, I wasn't exactly pleasant to you."

"Oh, that. Yeah, whatever."

"I wanted to apologize." He looked up at me, "I over-reacted, and my behavior was uncalled for. I know you were just trying to help, and if I'd been more open with you from the start, it wouldn't have happened. So, I'm sorry for some of the things I said, and especially for just walking out on you: I've been feeling guilty about that in particular for the last few days. I was even a little afraid to come here…which is why it's taken me so long to…"

He was just babbling now, nervously, it seemed, but I watched him with interest. It was exactly like Tai said. He came back, and he was being honest with me, but instead of looking for an apology, he was making one himself. Would I be jumping to conclusions if I thought Hakkai was a real friend now?

At last, he just trailed away, and looked at me, like he was waiting for the verdict from some judge, and I snapped back to reality.

"Don't even worry about it." I snorted a stream of smoke, "I was thinking I was the one who was kinda' outta' line, getting all involved with your girl and everything. I'm sorry I got in the way like that, even when you told me not to."

"You do have this funny way of never listening to me." He agreed. "But, as I said, it all could have been avoided, if I'd been more explicit with you, so I'm inclined to feel that it's not exactly your fault—perhaps this time there was nothing for you to listen to. In any case, I appreciate your apology, and I accept it, of course. I hope you'll accept mine, in return." He edged a little closer, spreading his arms open.

Automatically, I stepped in to hug him, swung my arm around his neck, jerking him forward and pounding his back with a feeble grin, "'Course I do."

I guess I misinterpreted a little, 'cause he acted like he didn't really know what to do, and it took him a second to half-ass hug me back, and then I thought maybe it was sort of weird for me to hug him out of the blue like that; he didn't know me all that well, which was strange to think about—I knew we'd only be hanging out for a few months, but I felt like I'd known him forever.

"Thank-you." He said, pulling away. "I'm glad I was able to get that off my chest."

"You been that upset about it?" I put my hands in my pockets.

"More than you'd expect, I think. Anyway, it's behind us now; what are you doing today?"

"I thought about going to pick up something from the list, but I know I ain't supposed to go alone."

"Ah. Well, I might be persuaded to go along, provided it's not too far. I have a weighty exam tomorrow, so I need to make it back in time to study."

"How's the outskirts of An Jin sound to you?"

"Really? Hm. I suppose expecting it to be just around the corner would be out of the question. Very well then, lead the way."

Grinning, I shut the door, leaned into him, arm hanging off his shoulder, and we got started. I was happier than I'd thought I would be to have him back, but I couldn't really put my finger on what it was about having Hakkai around that made me feel that way. Partly, it put me at ease, I guess. There was this unfamiliar feeling of knowing there was somebody on my side—someone who wasn't going to take off at the first sign of trouble—but also, I was starting to feel like I genuinely cared about this guy, probably because he acted like he genuinely cared about me. I didn't even want to think about how much it would suck if I found out he didn't. As long as my nasty skeleton stayed in its closet, we'd be good.

It only took us thirty minutes to reach our destination this time. A quick thirty minute walk to the west side of town, down the road to the outskirts, where the houses were old and broken down, and the yards were overgrown with grass and filled with junk. I checked the address in my pocket, stopping in front of the shack with matching numbers.

It was little and wooden, with a chimney that had a column of whitish smoke spiraling out of it. The yard had been completely neglected, with grass and weeds that were almost up to my chest. There was a weird, iron vehicle parked beside the house, also overgrown with weeds and fungus. I saw scraps of other metal things I didn't have names for, and there was a little, yellow tabby cat perched on the porch railing, cleaning itself. The house looked dirty, and the windows were so dingy, I couldn't even see in.

"What is this place?" Hakkai asked, placing one hand on the chain-link fence that encircled the property.

"I dunno'. The enchanted flower is supposed to be here though."

"We're not going to get shot at or chased by soldiers here, are we?"

"Doubt it." But I didn't know for sure, so I thought I'd go first, hoisted myself up over the fence easily. The sky was getting dark overhead, like it was going to rain. Maybe it would snow again. I wasn't sure I was in the mood for anything other than sunshine.

Hakkai came after me, and we pushed through the grass together, making our way up to the front porch. The wood was so rotten and creaky, I expected to just fall through when I walked on it, but, amazingly, it held out.

The cat blinked at me, unbothered, and then jumped down, purring and brushing against Hakkai's shins.

There was a little wind chime hanging there, playing a soft melody in the wind, and over all, the place seemed peaceful. It all made me hope that this wouldn't be as dangerous as the last two pick-ups had been.

"Who lives here?" Hakkai asked.

I consulted my cheat sheet. "Madame Xiaoli. She's supposed to be a witch."

"I see. Well, that certainly adds an air of peril to this otherwise anti-climactic place." He reached up to knock on the door, and we waited, and for a moment or two, nothing happened, other than the cat hissed suddenly, and sprang away.

When he went to knock again, a withered, old voice called, "Come in, dears. Come in."

We exchanged looks.

Hakkai opened the door, a little slowly, and stuck his head in, "Excuse me…ma'am. Forgive the intrusion. We just want to ask a few questions about something you may or may not have."

There was enough silence that I started to wonder if I'd imagined the voice telling us to come in, and then she called back, "Well, Cho Hakkai, don't stand out there wondering about it all day. Come in. And bring Sha Gojyo with you."

Hakkai turned to stare at me.

"How does she know our names?" I whispered.

"Didn't you tell them to her?"

"No. When would I do that?"

He looked like he wanted me to be lying, and then, for no apparent reason, he grabbed my arm and pulled me into the house, taking the order 'bring Sha Gojyo with you' way too literally.

I got the feeling he was creeped out.

I was definitely creeped out. The place was dusty, shabby and spooky. There was a chill in the air, and the faintest hum of electricity, but I didn't see a single light on in there, and for whatever reason—the filthy windows or some magic spell for all I knew—sunlight didn't seem to want to come in. We walked through a small living room with furniture shrouded in dirty, white sheets, and down a hall, where the voice was calling still, "Yes, this way, dears. Don't keep granny waiting. Mind the step stool, Cho Hakkai."

Hakkai skirted around a little, wooden stool he'd been seconds from tripping over, and we kept going, his grip tightening on my arm.

I lit a cigarette and glanced around. There were a ton of photos hung up on the walls; they were all of places I'd never seen before—beaches with sparkling water and a warm sun, tall, snowy peaks, dense, green jungles and cities with tall, iron spires. Some of it didn't even look real.

At last, we reached the end of the hall, entering what looked like it could be a kitchen. It was too dark to see anything though, and I groped around for a light, instinctively, felt Hakkai doing the same thing in front of me.

"Ma'am?" He called.

"Calm yourselves, darlings." She answered. It sounded like she was right next to me, and I jumped, barely strangling a scream, grabbed Hakkai by the back of the shirt.

Two candles were suddenly lit, like the flames had just started on their own. They were typical, tall, red wax candles, sitting on a little, round table with a single chair set in front of it, and when I looked around, I saw that we were definitely in a kitchen, with a sink and cupboards and whatever. There was a big, black pot hanging over a fireplace on one side, and a woman was standing to the right of me.

She was…weird. At first, when I looked at her, she seemed young. She had a good, trim figure, wearing a flattering, long, black dress, with a ruby nestled between her breasts, but her long, wispy hair was gray, and her face had an indescribable age to it. Not like, wrinkled and weather-worn, but, something in her purple eyes told me she'd been around a lot longer than me. Her lips were painted black, and she had long, youkai ears. She flashed a grin at me.

"Good afternoon, darlings." She greeted with a voice that was way too old and dry for her body.

"G-good afternoon, ma'am." Hakkai stammered. "Pardon our intrusion, we…didn't mean to interrupt anything."

"In the life of an ancient crone like me?" She cackled in a very un-flattering way, "There's no need to apologize, Cho Hakkai: receiving visitors as young and handsome as yourselves is a treat, not an interruption." She smiled wolfishly. "Welcome to the home of Madame Xiaoli."

"Could use a housekeeper." I muttered.

"Are you offering to help out with the chores, Sha Gojyo?"

"Er? No. Not really."

Madame Xiaoli laughed again.

"Excuse me, Madame." Hakkai said, "May I ask how you know our names?"

"Because, darling boy, nothing is hidden from the eyes of Madame Xiaoli." She came forward, gracefully, long skirt swishing around her ankles, and I couldn't help watching her hips and legs, eyes fixed on the way her breasts bounced with every step. She didn't fucking look like an ancient crone.

She hesitated next to me, sliding me a sharp smile, "Mind your eyes, boy. This body has been in existence longer than your very soul."

Hakkai nudged me with his elbow.

"Sorry." I coughed.

"Now then." She gazed intently into Hakkai's face, sweeping the hair out of his forehead with her long, black fingernails. "Cho Hakkai. A young man with wisdom beyond his years, and a past of loneliness and sadness. You're not here necessarily of your own will, darling…nor against it, am I right? Rather, you've come out of obligation, because any lascivious little boy who visits a witch's house by himself might not come back."

I barely had time to wonder what lascivious meant before she turned to me, "You're the one with the real questions, aren't you, Sha Gojyo. You think you've found a path to finally escape the agonies and terrors that still haunt you when you close your eyes, but is what you've been led to believe the truth, or a clever manipulation?" Her hand brushed across my scarred cheek. "How painful."

Out of reaction, I traced the scars immediately after her. _Still there…_

Then she moved away to take a seat at the table, "Please, my pets. Be seated."

"There aren't anymore chairs." I noted darkly.

Madame Xiaoli laughed at me. _Laughed._ What a bitch. "My, you are cute, aren't you, Sha Gojyo." She snapped her fingers, and _of course_, two more chairs appeared.

"Guess I shoulda' expected that." I sat down next to Hakkai.

He was getting down to business straight away, and I got the feeling he wanted to get out of here, even though he was acting pretty cool. "Madame Xiaoli, you seem to know already what it is we're after. May I ask-"

"No." She interrupted calmly, old voice wheezing, "You are not the ones with the questions to ask, Cho Hakkai. You are merely the back up, in case something goes wrong."

Hakkai turned to me.

"Yeah, yeah. Look, granny. Like he said, you already know what we came here for, so how about you just give it here?"

"Oh my, that's no way to ask a favor. Perhaps I should have let Hakkai-san ask the questions after all. Tell me something, Sha Gojyo—you seem to think I already know what it is you seek, but do _you_ know what you're looking for?"

"What, the enchanted flower?"

"You know its name, and I'll admit, that's as good a place to start as any, but have you any idea what this 'enchanted flower' is, or what it does, or why you've been sent to retrieve it?"

I shrugged, "I guess I don't care."

"Indeed. What many have fought and lost their lives for is no more than the means to an end for you."

I'll admit, that made me feel kind of stupid, so I asked, "Well, what is it?"

Smiling, Madame Xiaoli waved her hand, and an image appeared in front of us, flickering across the table top. I saw men on horses—armies—it looked like a long time ago. They had swords and armor and bows and arrows. "Long ago, the flower was a token of victory and fortune. The king who kept it could command his men to do most anything, and they would follow orders, regardless of morality or virtue."

The picture on the table changed to a man with a black beard, climbing a mountain. "But, one brave knight saw the heinous acts his fellow man was willing to commit for the power of this flower, and so he gave up glory and reputation in order to spirit it away."

The knight on the table crossed mountains and rivers and trekked through jungles, fought dragons and other animals I'd never seen before.

"He brought it to me, knowing I would keep it safe for as long as I was able, but I always knew a day would come when men learned of its powers, and again came for it."

The image disappeared, and Madame Xiaoli's eyes were glittering as she looked at me, "What question would you like to ask next, darling?"

"I dunno'…I guess I wanna' know what makes it so special."

"Alone, the flower acts as little more than a median, through which one may contact spirits of the dead, however, there is the possibility of a darker power, one which is harder to unlock."

"What's that?"

"Immortality." She answered simply. "The most dangerous power there is: men will do most anything—spill even innocent blood—to achieve endless youth."

Was Dasha trying to become immortal? The last thing I wanted was for that idiot to live forever, and I almost got up and walked out right then.

Madame Xiaoli and Hakkai both looked at me a long time, and then she giggled, "He _is_ cute, isn't he, Cho Hakkai? How someone so simple exists in this cunning world of ours is amusing and fascinating."

Hakkai barely glanced at her before asking, "If you've been entrusted with the care of this flower, I suppose you're reluctant to give it to us."

"I will give it to one person, and one person alone, and that person, strangely enough, is this boy."

I think we were both startled, and I almost dropped my cigarette, "You mean, you're _supposed_ to give it to-"

"Wait a moment." Hakkai interrupted. "Excuse me, Gojyo. Madame Xiaoli, I don't understand. You talk as if this flower is immensely dangerous, so why, may I ask, are you willing to simply hand it over to _him_?"

"Thanks a lot, buddy." I muttered. This whole little visit was starting to piss me off.

"Try not to over-analyze, Hakkai-san. I never said the flower itself was a danger, only that men are willing to do obscene things in order to achieve its powers. The chance of invoking its gift of immortality is next to impossible. As for _him_, it seems right to me that I should hand over something so forbidden to a child who is, in many ways, forbidden himself."

That shit again. It was going to get pretty hard to lie to Hakkai if people kept blurting it out like that.

"I see." He murmured. I knew he didn't like this. I didn't much like it either.

"It may very well be that there is a lesson to be learned here as well, darlings. After all, if those things that are precious were never threatened, how could we learn to appreciate them; so I will give him the flower, taking comfort in the knowledge that by the time this venture is over, the gains will be well worth it."

I didn't really understand, but I got that she was going to give the crazy thing to me, so I was just one step closer to reaching my goal.

Madame Xiaoli clasped her hands together, and whispered something in a weird language, and as she was talking, the room started to get brighter and brighter. I saw a single sparkle in front of my face, and then another, and another. After a second, there was a shower of gleaming, gold dust falling around us, and the light was so bright, it hurt my eyes. I heard a sudden pop, like a small firework going off, and there was a brilliant flash that blinded me for a moment. When I could see again, there was a small, white flower on the table. It looked pretty normal—it was planted in a tiny, clay pot, and its petals were simple-but it was swaying back and forth with rhythm and a life of its own, and when I leaned close to it, I thought I heard a tiny, tiny voice murmuring, like the flower was singing.

"Guard it well." Madame Xiaoli rasped. "Guard it well, Sha Gojyo, and consider carefully what you will do with it, for many lives hang in the balance now. Beware of its powers, but do not fear them."

I picked the pot up, and the flower twirled around, like it was reacting to my presence. I heard a soft squeal, like a baby laughing.

Madame Xiaoli chuckled, "Dear, little halfling. It seems she likes you."

For a moment, I stared at it, and then, I thought I heard another voice, hissing right in my ear, only this one was familiar, and it made me sit up straight, body going completely stiff, involuntarily.

'_Gojyo'._

_ No way…_

Hakkai frowned at me, and then turned back to the witch, "Madame Xiaoli, how is it you know so much about us and what we came here for?"

"Ah, now, this is why you weren't supposed to ask questions, my pet. Your pasts and your presents are as clear to me as the things I see here in my own home. Only the future is veiled in shadows, but even that can be uncovered, if you wish. That is my power: a gift and a curse."

"You can see the future?"

She smiled indulgently, "You're intent on asking questions you may not want the answers to, Hakkai-san. Very well. Would you like to know _your_ future?"

"I…suppose I am curious. That is, if there's time."

"Sure." I muttered. "Why not?" The guy was willing to play tag with me, might as well let him mess around when he felt like it.

Madame Xiaoli held her hands out to him, palm side up, "Come then. Let's take a look."

Slowly, Hakkai took her hands, closing his eyes lightly.

"Not closed, darling. If I'm to see your future, I must gaze through your eyes and far into what's beyond tomorrow."

He opened them again, and for what felt like days, the two of them had this bizarre staring contest. Hakkai looked like he was having trouble focusing. After a couple minutes, I could tell he was getting distracted, but Madame Xiaoli's eyes glazed over, and she didn't move for the longest time, or even blink.

By the time she finally twitched again, I was getting annoyed.

"Hm." She let go of his hands, "Let this be a lesson to you, Cho Hakkai—be wary of what questions you ask. I fear what I've seen in your future is dark and painful."

"What is it?"

Madame Xiaoli shook her head lightly, "Great danger. Mark my words: a day is coming, soon, when your heart will break and your humanity itself will bend, for in the near future, I see that you will lose someone dear to your heart, in a storm of blood and hatred."

Neither of us moved. My hair was standing on end, and my skin crawled a little, but when I chanced a look at Hakkai, he was just staring hard at the table.

Madame Xiaoli added gently, "You will wish your lifeline were longer and your claws were sharper, Cho Hakkai."

For a second longer, he stayed where he was, and then he got up, "Thank-you for your time, Madame. If there's nothing more, Gojyo, we'd best be on our way. I still have some studying to do." He didn't even wait for me to answer, just turned around and walked back down the hall to the front door.

Questioningly, I looked at the witch, but she was frowning now.

"For now, there is nothing you can do that will ease the pain he is to endure." She said quietly. "But in the future, the two of you may trade cheer for strength."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"In time, you will know. In time, you will long for the ignorance of your youth. For now, go with caution, little hanyou."

Nervously, I glanced at Hakkai, but he wasn't paying attention to us, then I got up and went after him, taking the dancing flower with me.

He saw me coming and opened the front door, but even then, the sunlight wouldn't come in. When I looked over my shoulder, Madame Xiaoli had disappeared.

As we walked back into town, the storm clouds above us had gotten thicker, turning a threatening, dark purple. Hakkai was quiet as we went, and he wouldn't look at me.

"What's up man?" I asked, puffing a cigarette.

"Hm? Oh. It's nothing."

"You're not letting what she said bother you, right? She's just a crazy old lady, you know."

"She didn't seem as average as you make her sound, Gojyo. I wonder if we encountered the same person at all."

"Well anyway, I wouldn't think too much about what she said."

"I assume that means you'll be giving that flower to Dasha without so much as a single thought about the consequences."

"Do we have to do this every time, Hakkai? I'm telling you, it's my only choice."

"You seem quite convinced of that, but I think you're wrong."

"Get bent. I ain't quittin' this thing that easy."

He shook his head, but he was quiet again.

I kept my eye on him as we walked.

_"There is nothing you can do to ease the pain he must endure…"_

_ What is that supposed to mean?_

We got back to my place, and Hakkai took off right away, saying he had to get back to his dorm to study.

"'Kay. Take care of yourself."

He looked at me like I was nuts for saying it. I guess he thought I was the one who was supposed to be careful.

The storm pounded on the roof of my flat, and I lay in the darkness, listening to it. It wasn't very late yet, but I was tired, and Banri wasn't home yet, so I decided to get some sleep before he barged through the door, drunk and yammering. He might even bring some buddies with him, and then I'd never get to sleep, seeing how my cot was shoved into a corner of the living room. I'd learned to sleep through noise by now, but Banri got some sick satisfaction out of waking me up when he was drunk. I could just go sleep in his room and shut the door, but I wasn't sure I wanted to deal with what might happen when he finally stumbled to bed and found me there. If I wanted to sleep, I probably should have just gotten drunk with him, and then I'd be able to pass out by the time I got home, but for some reason, that didn't feel right tonight.

I'd come home from Madame Xiaoli's house, not really wanting to see Dasha today, and set the enchanted flower on the window sill above my bed, then I'd sat around the apartment, feeling bored, until it got dark and I'd decided to lay down.

I could see the flower above me now, still swaying back and forth, as if dancing, and I heard its tiny voice, singing and singing. There was something about it that made me not want to give it up.

_'…the flower acts as a median, through which you can contact spirits of the dead…'_

What did Dasha want something like that for?

_That psycho wants a lot of crazy shit…_

Contacting the dead though. How weird would that be? I couldn't help thinking it might be sort of cool. Not that I had a lot of dead people I could contact. I guess, I had my parents, but would they even want to answer me? Would I even want to talk to them and find out the truth about them?

It seemed like the flower was singing a little louder now, trying to be heard over the storm.

The mother and father I couldn't remember…who I'd never known, who must not have wanted me, or they would have stayed alive. It was a thought I'd had before, that, if my real mother had lived, maybe my life would have gone differently. Maybe she would have loved me.

Outside my window, there was a strike of purple lightning, illuminating the room for a moment, and I saw someone standing in the corner across from me. At first, I thought it was my mind playing tricks on me, but I could feel them staring, not even blinking.

Slowly, I sat up, feeling something starting to quiver in the marrow of my bones. "What the…?"

_She _was just looking back at me, hair hanging in her eyes, the strap of her dress hanging off her shoulder, exactly the way I'd seen her the last time, only now there was a patch of blood in the middle of her stomach, and she held it tenderly. For once, she wasn't crying.

"M-mom?" I stammered.

"You grew up to be rather handsome after all, didn't you? She might have been proud, if she were alive. It's a shame about that disgusting, red hair though."

Instinctively, I drew away from her, "What are you doing here?"

"Don't you know? You called me here."

"I-I didn't call you."

"But you did." She was drawing closer now, lips smiling and stained with her own blood, "You are always calling for me—I've heard you many times—it's pathetic."

She stood over me. I tensed up, waiting for her to strike.

"Look at you. After all the times I caused you pain, and all the ways I tormented you, you're still searching for some excuse for me. You're still waiting for someone to tell you I loved you, in my own sick way."

"I know better." I muttered.

"No, you never learned. Even when I did the best I could to kill you—to put you out of your misery—you still wouldn't believe anything bad about me. Tell me, was it for _his_ sake?"

I couldn't remember if it was for Jien, or if it was just that I didn't want to face the truth.

"Don't fool yourself, Gojyo." She warned. "Even your own mother never could have loved you."

"What the hell do you know about my mother?"

"More than you do, of course. I know she was selfish and conceited and maniacal. Her little affair ruined my life, and yours too. What do you think of that? Are you actually going to lie there and tell yourself she might have loved you if she hadn't died? She's only dead because she couldn't face the shame of bearing you. They're both dead because they were disgusted and humiliated by what they'd done—what they'd brought into the world. Everything is your fault."  
"Shut up." I begged.

"They both died when they laid eyes on you, how could you actually be stupid enough to think they might have loved you?"

"Shut up!"

She laughed at me, "What are you doing now, looking so hard for Jien? Because of you, his entire family was destroyed. Do you think if you found him he'd welcome you with open arms? You think he would protect you? Why wouldn't he disown you and just walk away after you were responsible for so much destruction and pain in his life?

"Jien is an adult now, Gojyo—he probably has a family of his own by this time—do you really want to destroy that next? Do you think he'd forgive you if you brought your curse to his doorstep?"

"I said shut up!" I slammed my fist against the wall, but it was more an act of desperation and helplessness than of anger.

"You're so smug and foolish thinking you can _ever_ have anything good in your life, even now. You think you deserve to have a friend? Why? Just because you've never had one before? It's pathetic, and pointless, and you know as well as I do that when he finds out about you—not just what you are, but what you've done—he won't want to associate with you either."

I lowered my head, "Why are you here? I already know that."

"You called me, and I came to answer your questions, just to be sure that you know that you were destined to walk this world alone." She leaned close to my face, "Search all you want, Gojyo, but you will never find Jien again. Fuck all the filthy whores you feel like, but you won't find anyone to love you. In the end, the only thing you can do is finish what I started."

She raised her hand, and I saw that she was holding a long, silver knife, sparkling in the lightning.

The light came on and the door burst open. I sat up, barely biting back a shout, just as Banri was sauntering in. He laughed at me, "Woops. Forgot you were there."

Quickly, I glanced around, but I didn't see any bleeding, ghostly version of my mother, and the clock on the wall said three AM.

I must have fallen asleep.

I pushed the hair back from my forehead. _It was just a bad dream._

Banri was still laughing and making jokes at my expense, as he staggered back toward his room, and by the time I considered calling him back, he'd shut the door.

Shivering, I sat there a moment, before getting up and going to get myself a shot of whiskey, just to settle my nerves. The nightmare left me feeling drained and empty and scared, and it took me about three shots of booze to finally start calming down again, and then I stumbled back into the other room, staring a long time at the enchanted flower, still dancing on the window sill, listening to it sing. I almost grabbed it and threw it out into the rain, but in the end, I went to turn off the light instead, flopped back down on my bed, sat up again when I felt something hard beneath me.

I felt a familiar shape, pulled out a long knife with a wickedly sharp tip that had been buried in my bedding.

"What the hell?"

It was a kitchen knife—one Banri had probably stolen from somewhere—and I couldn't imagine how it had wound up in my bed.

Unless…

I didn't even want to think about that.

Reluctantly, I glanced around the room again, but I was definitely alone, and then I looked up at the enchanted flower.

Could my mother have really been here, standing over my bed, telling me I was worthless and unloved, trying to goad me into killing myself?

For a long time, I stared into the blade of the knife, watching it shine dully in the pale light from the streetlight outside.

_ "…the only thing you can do is finish what I started."_

It would be so easy.

"…_You're so smug and foolish thinking you can ever have anything good in your life, even now…"_

I bet it wouldn't even hurt all that much. Bleeding to death might be just like falling asleep.

_ "…you won't find anyone to love you."_

That might just be true.

_"Look at you. After all the times I caused you pain, and all the ways I tormented you…"_

_ You still never beat me. Somehow I always found the strength to get up when it was over, even after you were dead. Even after Jien ran away._

Filled with anger, I flung the knife across the room, where it stuck in the far wall.

Let Banri put that away. Or let it stay there for the rest of eternity. I wasn't going to touch it again. I wasn't going to have these thoughts. Not now. I was going to prove her wrong once and for all.

I didn't need to find Jien now—I didn't need him to accept me or forgive me or take care of me—so I didn't need to run around doing Dasha's ridiculous errands anymore.

I did want that damn flower out of my house though, so I got up at three in the morning, and went out into the cold, November rain, taking the enchanted flower with me.

* * *

**Hakkai**

For days, the things the witch had said bothered me. When we left her house, I tried very hard to put it out of my mind; I went back to school and studied, as I was supposed to, but I had trouble focusing. More than anything, I was troubled by the uncertainty of her predictions—apparently something terrible was supposed to happen to me, but I had no way of knowing when, or what it was, for that matter. I could have asked her more directly what it was she'd seen in her future, but I was afraid to find out. She said it would be painful, and my heart would break, and more importantly, someone I cared for would die. Oddly enough, I found that to be the most unusual aspect of the prediction. In my whole life, I'd never had anyone who cared for me, and finding someone I genuinely cared for seemed even more unlikely.

I just didn't understand why, after everything I'd been through already, should I be subjected to more pain and suffering. The idea made me angry, and the fury burned inside me, stronger than it had in years. I couldn't say that I'd been especially happy since moving to Cheng, but compared with my attitude when I'd lived at the orphanage, it was a considerable improvement. I felt more independent now, and that gave me some false sense of control, I suspect, and in a way, I was content. It seemed I had my chance at making life the way I wanted it to be, and that was enough to hold back the bitter thoughts that had controlled me when I was younger.

Still, there seemed to be some dark cloud on my horizon, and I was afraid to face it. I'd worked so hard, and I'd built so little, it was unbearable to think I was going to lose any part of the life I'd made for myself.

_What do I have to lose, really? Even this life I'm living now is such a bleak, meaningless existence._

And everyone continued to question why I refused to smile. Why in the world should I?

I laid awake and listened to the driving rain, pondering what the witch had said, and making myself sick with worry. Even when I went to class the next day, I continued to feel this horrible sense of foreboding as it mounted in my chest, growing and growing until I was afraid I might drown in it. In a way, I felt somewhat desperate to shake loose of that dreadful feeling, and I found myself brainstorming ways I could distract myself from it. Most of the ideas I came up with were somewhat reckless in nature, but then I thought it might not be so bad to indulge my recklessness every here and again. I was only sixteen.

_What you _ought_ to do, Hakkai, is just buckle down and study that much harder—if you focus, eventually you will have something to show for being alive._

When I finally did have that taste of success on my tongue though, would I be robbed of it?

A week later, I was again lying in bed, brooding, feeling angrier and angrier, finding no sense and no purpose in my life whatsoever, and giving in to the sentiments of bitterness I was experiencing at the prospect of losing anything that might be even slightly important to me.

Right around the time my outrage was reaching its peak, I heard an abnormal rapping at my window. There was a large tree directly outside, and I was accustomed to the branches scraping at the glass on a windy day, but this sounded almost purposeful, and although I tried to ignore it, the sound persisted, and eventually, I got out of bed to see what it was. When I peered through the dark and the glass, Gojyo grinned back at me.

Immediately, I shoved the window up, hissing so Jing-Shen wouldn't hear me, although he was supposed to have gone to bed hours ago, "What are you doing here?"

He was perched, rather precariously, I thought, on a branch, hanging on with one hand and holding a lit cigarette in the other. "Just swung by to pay my respects."

"It's past one in the morning, you know." I said, not without irritation.

"Yeah, I know. I couldn't sleep. I thought maybe you'd wanna' come hang out with me for a while."

"In the middle of the night?"

"Sure, why not? It's not too cold."

I shuddered a little. It seemed rather chilly to me, and I almost told him to go home.

He seemed to anticipate what I meant to say. "Hey, c'mon, man, live a little. It ain't _that_ late."

I wanted to tell him that it was late enough, and just because he was unable to sleep didn't mean he should be so inconsiderate as to think that I should go and not sleep as well, but then I realized I hadn't been doing all that well with sleeping myself. "Where would we go?" I asked reluctantly.

"Dunno'. Just to take a walk, I guess."

That seemed harmless enough, and yet, it was still in my best interest to decline and go back to bed.

Instead of turning away or telling him to leave, I took a long look at his face, seeing shreds of hopefulness and insecurity past the grin and the happy-go-lucky cheer. Here was a person who was consistently positive and unworried, even when, at times, it seemed his life was even more hopeless and meaningless than my own. I wondered how he dealt with negative thoughts like the ones I was having, or if it even occurred to him to be bitter. If I was with him, I wondered if some of that resolve would rub off on me.

At last, I sighed and relented, "Very well. Allow me a moment to get dressed, and I'll meet you in front of the building."

"Right on!" Without another word, he started to climb back down the tree, and I shut the window.

Just a few minutes later, we were crossing the campus, making our way back to the front gate. The night was a bit chilly, so I made sure my coat was zipped all the way up, glanced at him. He still didn't have a coat, but he wasn't showing any outward signs of being cold. Never-the-less, I felt somewhat sorry, and I suddenly wished I had an extra coat to give him, which was absurd, partly because it had been hard enough to scrape together the money to purchase _one_ coat, and partly because, when I thought of it, those types of generous thoughts were unusual to me. Always I'd seen that sort of mindless charity as being pointless and fake. While living at the orphanage, I had always assumed that anyone who was generous or kind was only doing it to keep up appearances; I wondered if Gojyo thought that was my motivation too.

_It's different for some reason._ I thought, absently, and at the time I didn't put much consideration into _why_ it was different.

We left the campus behind and ventured into the hills once more. They were dark and lonesome at night, with patches of frozen ground and blue-gray snow, and the air was fresh and cool. It didn't seem like very long before the lights of the city were behind us, but still, we went some ways without speaking at all.

"Why couldn't you sleep?" I asked at length.

"Dunno'. I'm just not tired, I guess."

"Everything is all right though?" As soon as I'd asked, I caught myself wondering why I would even express such concern. I suppose I'd been expressing concern since the very beginning of our relationship, not putting very much thought into _why_, but when I actually considered the genuine nature of my concern, I realized that it too was somewhat out of character. I'd spent so much of my life thinking and acting selfishly.

"Yeah, it's all good." There was a vague touch of dishonesty in his voice, but I let it go and paused to look up at the sky.

It was so dark and large, the stars innumerable. I felt very small and insignificant, and I couldn't help but wonder what my purpose for existing was.

"Nice night, huh?"

"It certainly is." I agreed tiredly. "Sometimes, living in the city, I forget how many stars there are."

"Me too, I guess."

We stood there a while, gazing up at the sky. In passing, he said, "When I was a kid, me and my brother used to go up on the roof and look at the stars at night."

I turned to him, a bit surprised, "I didn't know you have a brother."

"Yeah."

I wondered where his brother was and why they weren't together.

"Older or younger?"

"Older. Five or six years older. I don't remember how old he is exactly."

Old enough to be looking after his orphaned, little brother, in any case.

"What became of him?"

Gojyo hesitated a long time, glanced at me once, and then back at the stars. "Hn. Not sure. He just…left."

"He abandoned you?"

"Abandoned is…such a strong word."

"He's not in your life." I pointed out. "You talk as if you have no idea where he is."

"I don't. What's it to you?"

"I just have a hard time believing someone would willingly leave their sibling behind." After all, I thought, my sister and I had been separated against our wills, and that was terrible enough, knowing she was out there somewhere, perhaps needing me, and I'd never been there to look after her. I couldn't imagine leaving her because I actually wanted to, and I couldn't help feeling a bit contemptuous of Gojyo's unnamed brother.

"Jien's just my half-brother. He's a full-blooded-"

I turned to him, curious to see if he'd actually tell me that without meaning to.

Gojyo checked himself at the last second, shouted suddenly, "Ah! Shit!"

"What's the matter?"

He was shaking his hand sporadically. "Nothing, nothing. I just…burned myself on accident."

I raised an eyebrow at him, "With your cigarette?"

"What? Yeah. Yeah, with my cigarette. Damn. Jeez. That freakin hurt…"

I chose not to point out how contrived his outburst had seemed, even if part of me really wanted to. If I did, I knew it would lead us nowhere good. Still, I wondered how much longer he meant to hide his heritage from me. It was beginning to feel a bit tedious that he was bothering to at all, and I wondered how our friendship could succeed at all if he was going to keep it between us.

That was all something to be concerned with later though. "Do you suppose you'll ever see him again?" I asked softly.

"Dunno'. Maybe."

I still wanted to know what would drive someone to abandon their little brother, and now I was thinking of my own sister again. She was so close now, and I hadn't found the courage to approach her yet. I'd been telling myself that it was because I hadn't gotten a chance so far, but I'd had every opportunity in the world when we were at the café a few days ago. Maybe some part of me was just afraid.

_Suppose I find you, Kanan…and you're not the way I remember you…you're not the way I _picture_ you…. Suppose you don't love me…._

I wasn't sure I'd be able to bear it, if I found her and she didn't love me, though, being such a hateful, unhappy person, I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't.

_Perhaps it's just my fate to be alone…._

"Hey, so." Gojyo spoke up after a while, and I wondered how long we'd been there in silence. "Tomorrow's my birthday."

"Happy birthday." I murmured half-heartedly.

"I'm turnin' sixteen."

To that, I only nodded.

"I was thinkin' you and me should go have a kick ass time. What'dya' say?"

I looked at him again, feeling a bit bewildered, "You and I?"

Gojyo was grinning, "Sure. Why not?"

"I suppose I thought you'd have people better suited to spending your birthday with you. People. You're closer with, perhaps."

"Nope. I wanna' hang out with _you_."

"Yes, but why?"

"'Cause you're my pal. I need a better reason than that?"

That seemed quite genuine, and I couldn't help staring at him a while, trying to make sense of it all. After all, there was something about Gojyo…something I couldn't exactly put my finger on. He wasn't like the rest of the world in that he didn't have a superficial attitude that was bound to turn my stomach. For some reason, when he told me something, I felt inclined to believe it.

"You don't have to go if you don't want to."

"Nonsense. I never said I didn't want to."

He acted a little surprised, "Really? You wanna'?"

"Yes. That is, I don't see why not." I tried to smile.

The words apparently made him happier than I had expected, and I watched as his face brightened up. He slung his arm around my neck and grinned more, and for whatever reason, that made me feel a bit better as well, my own smile growing that much more authentic.

"I knew I could count on you. So, wanna' meet me out here tomorrow night, around seven?"

"Very well then. Should I expect this to be an all-night event?"

"Hell yeah, you should. I party hard."

Gojyo meant what he said about partying hard. He was there at seven when I came down the hill, behaving more rambunctiously than ever and looking rather well put together with a silk dress shirt and black leather pants, his hair down for once and a few accessories that were punkish but stylish. His drab, little hoodie took something away from the ensemble, I thought, but as we'd already discussed, he had no other means to keep the late autumn chill at bay.

"You look almost cleaned up." I commented.

"It's my birthday, baby! I gotta' look sweet for all the ladies who're gonna' wanna' fuck me."

"Ah, of course." I looked down at my green sweater, "I wasn't sure how to dress, I'm afraid, since I have no idea where we're going or what you plan on doing."

"Don't even worry about it—you always look sweet."

"You think so?"

"Hey, don't frown at me. That's a compliment, smart-ass. Don't you ever get those?"

"Not often."

He laughed and pounded my back and led the way back to An Jin.

We wound up in a bar, as I imagined we would, though it wasn't as seedy as I'd expected. Still I was a bit curious as to how two sixteen year olds were going to have any fun in an establishment that sold liquor.

Never-the-less, Gojyo seemed to know the bartender pretty well, and the man served his drink without batting an eye, then gave me a questioning look when I tentatively ordered some sake.

"ID, son?"

I started to explain that I didn't have any proof of being the legal drinking age, and that I hadn't expected to actually be served, but Gojyo interrupted with a brisk, "He's cool."

"I bet he is." The man answered gruffly. "But he don't look old enough."

"Oh, c'mon, Sen, don't be a tight-ass. We both know _I_ ain't old enough, and that's never stopped you."

Sen rolled his eyes but poured me the sake I requested anyway.

I couldn't quite decide if it was because I was in An Jin, which was somewhat lawless to begin with, or if it was just because I was with Gojyo. Either way, he seemed content to keep our drinks coming, as long as we were willing to pay.

I thanked him and lifted my glass, "Happy birthday."

"Thanks, man. Do I look older?"

"Not at all."

He just laughed.

I couldn't say with any certainty how long we were there, but it must have been hours and hours. We hung around the bar for a while, and even though I thought we probably should have been acting low-key so no one would report our underage drinking, Gojyo was as lively and loud as ever, ordering drink after drink and laughing and carrying on like nothing mattered.

Every here and again, someone would come over and laugh and joke with him, occasionally buying him a drink and wishing him well, and I got the impression that he was fairly well-known in this town, which had never occurred to me before, since I hadn't seen him hanging around anyone aside from Banri and myself. At some point, he had a crowd of six people clustered around him, teasing him good naturedly, including a pair or women who hung off him and spoke dirty to him like he was twenty-five years old.

"You seem to be rather popular." I said, when they'd cleared off again.

"Who me? Nah. Well, maybe. I'm at this bar a lot."

"Getting a jump on your twenties?" I couldn't help thinking of his brother again, wondered how _he _would feel, knowing his little brother partied this way for entertainment. Then again, if he'd willingly walked out on Gojyo, I couldn't say with any certainty that he would care one way or another.

When Gojyo got bored with sitting idly at the bar, he decided we should play some pool, even convinced the bartender to let us play for free, because it was his birthday, and I was startled to see that the man caved in easily. It gave me a certain impression that Gojyo was rather hard to say no to, though I didn't think it was because he was stubborn. Instead, I thought his easy-going manner made him somewhat charming, and that charm was a little bit difficult to resist.

In all my life, I'd never played pool before, so Gojyo took the time to teach me the rules and show me several tricks, and I caught on quickly, seeing how it took only a basic understanding of trajectory and spatial planning. It wasn't long before I was giving him a run for his money. Not long after that, a group of people who already seemed to have been drinking quite a bit approached us and asked if we wanted to play teams, to which Gojyo readily agreed. We beat them three games in a row before they left, somewhat disgruntled.

Gojyo continued to order drinks for both of us, indiscriminately, and often enough that I wondered if he could actually afford to pay for everything. I didn't think he was expecting me to pay for it all, but I had brought a substantial amount of cash, in case he needed my contribution.

Then again, a lot of his alcohol was covered for by other people. Men and women alike walked through the door, noticed him, and came straight over to say hello, and when they learned it was his birthday, they _had_ to buy him a shot, or, in some cases, they'd buy us both a shot, so I wasn't sure how much alcohol we really wound up paying for. Actually, when we'd been there a while, I began to feel surprised that more people weren't there for the sole purpose of celebrating his birthday.

"Isn't Banri-san coming?" I asked after a while.

"Who?"

"Banri. Your room mate?"

"Oh." Gojyo laughed hysterically. It had been a couple of hours now, and he was acting a little drunk. "_Somewhere_ I bet he is."

I frowned at the crass joke, "I mean, isn't he going to show up here to celebrate with you?"

"No way. That ass pro'lly doesn't even know it's my birthday."

"No? Didn't you tell him?"

He took another shot, wiped his mouth on his sleeve, "I don't think ya' really get the whole 'Banri' thing."

"I suppose I don't." In actuality, I thought I might, but who was I to stop him if he felt an explanation was necessary.

"See. He's not like…Banri isn't really…I mean, we're friends, 'course we're friends, but it's just…I look after myself. Got it? Banri's all grown up an' shit, an' I guess I ain't, but I only live with 'im 'cause nobody's gonna' rent a place to a punk-ass sixteen-year-old. _Sixteen._ Not fifteen." He raised his next drink in the air and shotgunned it as well.

"Yes, well what about your fake ID?"

"Pfft. Rentin' a place ain't the same as ordering drinks. 'Sides, Banri wants somebody ta' pay half the rent. Guess what I'm tryin' ta' say is, if I relied on _him_, I'd be eatin' dirt behind the dumpster."

"I see." I wondered why, then, was he involved with such a degenerate person. Not that I knew Banri very well at all, but Gojyo was always telling me some new story about how Banri had gotten himself in trouble, or, worse still, gotten _Gojyo_ into some sort of trouble. I had gathered on my own that he wasn't at all involved with Gojyo for the sake of taking care of a wayward teenager.

Gojyo seemed to read my mind, "He puts up with me, is all. He don't rub it in my face _too_ often…an' it beats the shit outta' bein' alone."

I didn't ask what he meant by that. Obviously he was referring to the fact that he was a hanyou, again, and obviously he was drunk enough to not be thinking through what he was saying.

"I suppose that makes sense."

We ordered a few more drinks, and then Gojyo was really acting tipsy. He glared at me over the top of his beer, "Man, you act like ya' ain't even buzzed."

"Oh. I'm not, I suppose."

"What're ya' doin', dumpin' 'em in the plant?"

I laughed, "Of course not. It just takes me a bit of time, that's all."

"_Time_? Ya' started drinkin' when I did. What, did your mom put rum in your baby bottle or somethin'?"

"Not that I'm aware of."

"Man, an' here I thought I'd hafta' drag your ass home."

I didn't mention that it looked as if it might wind up being the other way around. "Now, now, don't mind me. It's only midnight, after all."

He drank a little longer, in peace before asking, "You gonna' get in trouble for missin' curfew, or some shit?"

"Hm. Perhaps. Curfew checks are random and sporadic—they may discover me missing, or they may not."

"Sorry 'bout that."

"Oh, don't be. I feel as if I needed this."

"An'way, I'm glad ya' came. This's the best birthday ever." He grinned.

I took a sip off my sake, "I'm glad you're enjoying yourself."

"_You _havin' fun, 'Kai?"

"Am I? Well, yes…I suppose I am, in a way. This really isn't something I do often, so it is nice to cut loose."

"Yeah." He laughed again, suddenly, "Hey, you smile more lately, ya' know that?"

"Oh? Do I?"

"Sure. Don' get me wrong…you're still a frowny face, but ya' seem…happier, I guess."

"Yes. Well…I suppose it's because I'm having more fun than I've ever had before in my life…"

What a disgustingly horrible understatement.

"Yeah. Really? Ya' seem like you're bummin'. Issit 'cause of what that witch said ta' ya?"

"It could be…"

"Or's school gettin' ya' down?"

I was slightly surprised that he was inquiring about my mood so insistently. Albeit, the last few times I'd seen him, I hadn't been quite as chipper as usual, and tonight, in spite of the fact that we were celebrating, I still felt bothered and somewhat bitter, but I'd been doing my best to behave normally so as not to be too much of a bummer. He was obviously more perceptive than I gave him credit for, and that made me feel guilty. After all, I'd gotten rather good at being able to tell when he wasn't quite himself, so I shouldn't be shocked at the fact that he could tell when something was off with me.

"It's stressful." I allowed, but I didn't tell him that school was the least of my worries. Everything was absurdly easy for me, even if I was considerably younger than most of the other students.

No, my problem was certainly internal.

_'…you will wish your lifeline was longer and your claws were sharper…'_

_ Just what does that mean?_

Best not to think about it right now.

As usual though, once the thought was in my head, it was impossible to get it out, and I couldn't help considering once more what I'd seen in the medallion on the day Gojyo and I went to Wu Manor, the image of violence and pain tearing through me, the sight of the blood on my hands, which, in turn, made me think of the day I killed the man in Ying.

Lately, I'd been receiving some very ominous signs, and it made me wish I could know what was coming so that I might be able to take measures to prevent it.

I must have been making a face. He asked me, "What's up?"

"I just…have a lot on my mind."

"With school?" He must not have thought I had anything else to be concerned with, "What're ya' studying anyway?"

"Theology."

"Theology. Right. Er, whassat?"

"The study of God and religion."

"Ugh. Sounds…boring."

I tried to smile, but that felt faker than ever, and then, for some reason, I found myself wanting to tell him what was really wrong. I'd never had anyone close enough that I could confide my personal worries in them, and I thought it might be something of a relief to tell the truth of it all to a friend. "Perhaps I thought that by studying God, I could convince myself one way or another that he's real or not, or that my existence has some purpose. I was raised in a very religious setting, and still, it's perfectly obvious to me that I've been forsaken."

The anger in me began to rise once again, the bitterness flowing to the surface of my emotions. I downed my sake in one quick gulp and murmured, "I used to ask myself if it were possible that I'd done something wrong to merit being ignored, and then, over time, I've come to suspect that either he doesn't exist, or he has no idea what he's doing."

Gojyo didn't answer, and I added, "It's difficult not to feel as if things will never get better."

"Wait, wait. You ain't talkin' 'bout school, right? Is this about what the witch said to ya'?"

"Partly, I suppose. And at the same time, not at all. I've lived so long without much intention or purpose, and even though I've been setting goals for myself, and accomplishing them without much effort, I can't seem to find a reason for any of it.

"Just why do we do anything, we mortal creatures? In the end, we all return to the dust. Regardless, I keep trudging forward, foolishly, hoping I might learn something from someone who will make me believe this life is worth living, but my greatest lesson has always been that life is nothing but pain and heartache, that my existence and my goals and my triumphs, are all meaningless."

He was silent again, and I sensed that what I was saying was bringing his mood down a bit, which, I knew was inexcusable, seeing how it was his birthday, but I couldn't help it. I was drowning in my own anguish now. Perhaps I was hoping he'd say something that would change my mind about everything.

"After what the witch told me, perhaps the truth is that I'm afraid to move on. I'm afraid to find out what will be taken from me next, which pains I'll be forced to endure, and I fear that, whatever those hardships may be, I won't have the strength or courage to face them."

Gojyo shifted, grinding his cigarette out in the ashtray, but didn't comment.

"I…have so little." I continued, very, very softly, "I can't imagine how it would feel to lose what little I have. I can't imagine how I would be able to bear it."

"Ya' just figure it out." He muttered.

"Maybe. But I'm tired of looking back on my past, finding myself always wishing there had been someone around to instill me with hope and fortitude, because if they'd been there, the way they were supposed to be, I might not be where I am today." Wasn't that what parents were supposed to teach their children to begin with? How to grin and bear it all? The sisters had taught me nothing aside from how to fake mercy and act hypocritically. "I could be so many places far better than here, with people who sincerely love me, and if my past had been different…do you suppose it would change the way my future will be? I hate to think I may be punished for things beyond my control, or for something I haven't done."

Gojyo sighed.

"My peers have always complained that I never smile, but in a harsh world such as this one, can you tell me what there is to smile about?"

"Man." He sighed again, and it wasn't his normal, laidback voice, but rather, it was full of scorn and contempt, "Issit just me, or are you whinin' about a whole lotta' nothin'?"

Shocked, I turned to him, "Excuse me?"

His eyes were hard, "No offense, dude, but what the hell'dya' have ta' complain about? You go to the best school in the region—free ride, yeah?—you got your respect, your prestige, an' every chance in the world ta' do somethin' great with your life, but ya' act like life's so damn hard."

"Well, actually, life _is_ very damn hard." I couldn't help sounding angry.

"Sure, yeah. _I_ know that. But when you're done at Cheng, ya' won't even be twenty yet, right? You can go wherever ya' want and do an'thing ya' feel like. What's shitty about _that_? It's not like you're _stuck_. You wanna' be a doctor or a lawyer or some shit, you can do it. You wanna' get married an' have kids, you can do _that_. What's so hard about _your_ life? From where I'm standin'…you got…everything."

By the time I found my tongue again, I was angry, and I couldn't help snapping, "How _dare_ you compare your life to mine? I can't believe you actually have the nerve to weight whatever pains you've endured against my own and then scoff at me."

"Sorry. Just, it feels like you're bitchin' about nothin'."

"I hope for your sake you're only saying this because you've been drinking."

He laughed, "Nope. Just callin' it like it is."

"In that case, what, may I ask, do _you_ know about my life, Gojyo?"

"About as much as you know about mine, I guess: ya' go to that fancy school, in that rich-ass town, don't hafta' lift a finger, but it seems like you always got money comin' outta' your ass, an' here you are, whining about not havin' anything, to the kid who doesn't even own a goddamn coat." He pulled on his hoodie to emphasize his point.

"For your information, I wasn't referring to material possessions, and furthermore, I wasn't intending to whine to you. You asked why I'm not myself, and I told you. Also, for the record, the money I live off of is what I've saved up over the past few years of having a summer job. The tuition is the only thing I receive for free at that university, and it's only because I worked my fingers to the bones in order to_ earn_ the full-ride scholarship I was granted. I'm sure the idea of earning something is a bit beyond you, but just so you're aware, it's quite a bit different than playing cards and drinking all night."

His eyes flashed, "Hey, don't gime' all that pissy, judgmental shit."

"But it's perfectly acceptable for _you_ to judge _my_ life? What makes you so special?"

"I wasn't judgin', Hakkai, I just think you're talkin' ta' the wrong person 'bout this."

"Well, excuse me for assuming you'd be able to relate to what I was saying. Am I to understand that I'm not allowed to confide personal matters in you simply because of the fact that I'm better off than you seems to give you some sort of inferiority complex? I was under the impression that we're friends."

"It pisses me off, 'kay? An' I can't help it. I can't stand ta' listen to some prete'tious, rich asshole whine ta' me about how hard life is, 'cause if your life was really so hard, you wouldn't be sittin' on your thumbs in _Cheng_."

Angrier than ever, I turned and got right in his face, "Did you hear a word I just said to you? There's not a thing I own that's been handed to me, do you understand? I'm an orphan. Just like you are."

The realization hit him hard, his eyes got a bit wide, and then his harsh, hypercritical expression mellowed, "I didn't know that."

"What in the world did you think I meant when I said my parents aren't around?"

"I figured they sent ya' to school an' you go see 'em during break or somethin'… That's how it works, right?"

"Not for me."

"I didn't-"

I started to dig some money out of my pocket, fully intending to settle my tab and go home, "I highly suggest you refrain from judging that which you don't understand—you're liable to alienate your friends that way."

"I didn't know, Hakkai. Ya' didn't tell me."

"Come to think of it, it's none of your business. It's not as if you've told me every detail about _your_ life, but I don't stand around and judge _you_, when goodness knows there are a thousand more things to be said about you then there are to say about _me_."

"What the hell's that s'posed to mean?"

"I think you know. Goodnight now. Have a good birthday."

"You're leavin'?"

"I think I'd better."

"Wait, Hakkai-"

I was already on my way out the door, drawing my scarf around my neck and preparing for the assault of the cold. I stepped out into the crisp air, feeling outraged. To think he actually thought someone somewhere sent me money, as if I were an inefficient, little child.

I had known from the beginning that he thought that of me, and I'd never corrected him, though I couldn't say why exactly. Perhaps I'd been ashamed of my own circumstances, or perhaps I had wanted him to regard me a certain way.

"Hakkai, wait."

He was coming after me, and I didn't feel even slightly surprised.

"Wait for what? You've already made a royal ass of yourself, I can't imagine there's much more to be said."

"Gime' a break, dude. I'm not a big fan of rich people who whine, an' you're always showing up, buying lunch and shit…what was I _s'posed_ ta' think?"

He was already right beside me, looking somewhat annoyed, and under that layer of frustration was a certain frantic expression that told me he did not want me to walk out on him. Maybe he thought I'd never come back.

"Again with lunch? I can't believe that, after I've fed you, from my own pocket, at least a dozen times now, you would have the audacity to look down on me for it."

"No. I didn't mean… Orphans don't buy other orphans, lunch."

"And why shouldn't they?"

"'Cause…they can't. Usually."

"Obviously you believe that because you don't have a job and you support yourself by stealing things for other people."

"_Hakkai_." He grabbed my arm, pulling me to a stop. "Wait. I'm sorry, dude. I didn't know. I really didn't."

Reluctantly, I turned to him. I thought that perhaps his real problem was that, since he was a hanyou, he couldn't even begin to fathom that anyone, anywhere, could even remotely identify with his pain. That would be over the line though. Instead I said, "Why in the world are you so prone to judging people who may or may not be even slightly better off than you are?"

"You're like that too."

I blinked. I suppose I was, in a way. In a very different sort of way. "I believe people get where they need to go by working hard, not by sitting back and acting juvenile and hoping good things fall on them."

"Yeah…well…some of us can't do that."

"I can't think of any reason you should resign yourself to the belief that this," I gestured to the town around us—the bars and the whores and the thieves—"is the only thing you're good enough to do, and maybe, if you didn't have that false perception of your own value, you wouldn't be so angry with _me_ for where I am."

"Shut up." He snapped. "You don't get it, okay? I couldn't be where you are in a million years."

"I don't think that's true. Do you actually think that's true?"

"I fuckin' _know_ it's true! 'Cause I'm-"

He stopped himself, suddenly, pushing the hair back from his face, hurriedly, "Hell. Never mind."

I studied him a while, realizing again what a barrier we had between us, and then I sighed, shoving my hands into my pockets, "Tell me, something. How long are we going to do this?"

"Do what?"

"Play this game. Keep up this charade. _Pretend_ I don't know."

He hesitated a long, long time, and this his voice was a little bit quieter, and it was even shaking a little, "Hey, I dunno' what you're pretending, but I ain't pretending anything. I'm sorry I pissed you off, okay. Can we just forget it and go back inside? It's fuckin' cold, and I'm nowhere near drunk enough for-"

"Gojyo. Honestly. Stop lying to yourself."

"I'm _not_ lyin' about anything."

"Hm. Perhaps you're right. Perhaps I am the only one who's pretending and lying. I suppose you still believe I have no idea."

"What're you talking about-"

"I _know_ Gojyo."

"Know what?"

I lingered a moment as well, not sure how I could proceed, but I knew I had to be as delicate as possible. I even thought for a moment that maybe I should back off and say nothing on the matter, if only because, given the context and the circumstances, what I was doing might be construed as a vicious way of getting back at him for what he'd said to me.

_I'm not purposely trying to use it against him._ I thought, and then I tossed inhibition to the wind. After all, we couldn't pretend forever.

"I know you're a hanyou."

Gojyo stared at me, his mouth falling open a little, and his eyes were so big, I thought they might pop out of his head. The cigarette fell out of his mouth. "Wait…you…_what_?"

"You can stop worrying over it—I already know."

For some reason, he backed away from me, "I…"

He didn't say whatever he was going to say. For a moment, I thought he might object and try to tell me he didn't know what I was talking about, and then, after some time had passed, and he was still just staring at me, I realized he probably wasn't going to say anything at all.

"All things considered, it makes sense for you to be angry, but I don't think it's fair for you to project those feelings onto me, and furthermore, I don't think it's right for you to just assume you're stuck this way, in this place, that is, behaving the way you do."

He still wasn't speaking, and a sort of dark, pensiveness had fallen over his face.

"Gojyo?"

"How? How did you know?"

"By looking at you."

That only served to upset him even more. "So…you've known a long time? You didn't just find out yesterday or somethin'?"

"I've known since the day we went to Wu together."

He looked away, and I knew he was thinking back through that day, perhaps weighing my behavior against what he expected out of someone who knew his secret. At last, he lowered his head to hide behind his hair, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

I was honestly startled, couldn't help cocking my head to one side and staring at him, "You're apologizing?"

"What? Yeah…I mean…it's just that I didn't mean to… I'm just sorry."

I couldn't help laughing a little, "What are you sorry for?"

"Dunno'. Just am."

"Well, I don't know why, but I think you need to consider the fact that, even if you don't meet someone every day who understands your hardships, it doesn't mean they don't experience trials of their own."

He didn't answer.

"Gojyo…" I reached for him.

He pushed me away, "Damn, you're such a fuckin' genius, huh Hakkai? You don't know shit from sushi what it's like, and at least I've never gone waving it in your face that my life's so impossibly hard."

"You wouldn't, obviously, because you didn't want me to know." And now, I thought to myself, you're acting as if it's the end of the world because I found out. "All I mean to say is, I have my problems just like you have yours."

He threw his cigarette down, "I'm sure they're way more important than my pathetic, little hanyou problems, so leme' get outta' your hair."

"Stop it. You're being-"

"Immature? Oh yeah, you love slingin' _that_ word around, don't you, Mr. University. Fuck ya'. I don't have to take this shit from you."

With that, he turned around, storming away, back down the street.

I stood there a while, incredibly stunned, and then, I hurried after him, "What in the world are you so angry about?"

"I'm not."

"You're storming away like a child."

"You do it all the time."

"I've only done it twice…and I'm sorry…for both."

"Just leme' alone, okay?"

I knew better than that though. I thought if I let him go like this, he wouldn't ever come back. He thought I'd meant to insult him, obviously, and he probably didn't dare hope that he was wrong. It all made me feel out of sorts and upset myself, and as I walked after him, I tried to figure out what had gone wrong.

I had thought we were close…but it seemed we were nowhere close enough to be engaging in such intimate conversation. I guess I was stupid for thinking Gojyo would be altruistic enough to listen to my complaints without somehow relating them back to his own shabby life.

Had I made a mistake in calling to attention the fact that he was a hanyou?

"I didn't mean to insult you." I said softly. "I just got sick of there being something between us."

"It wasn't."

"Come now. You never would have been honest with me, not in a thousand years, as long as you thought I didn't know."

"So what?"

"'So what'? That doesn't matter?"

"Dunno'." He lit a cigarette and shivered. "Anyway, who the hell cares?"

"I do, obviously."

Maybe I really should have let him go on deceiving himself.

_After all, it goes without saying that he'd be sensitive about it…_

And I was sensitive about _my_ difficulties, even if they did seem trite to him. I felt betrayed that he'd kicked me when I was down.

_That wasn't what he was trying to do, I don't think. It could be he meant to give me a little perspective and simply went about it the wrong way, because he's drunk. Or because he's Gojyo._

"I may have over-reacted." I said in passing. "Just, I'm a little hurt that you'd judge me so harshly according to how generous I've been to you. Is it really so wrong that I showed some compassion to someone less fortunate than myself?"

He sneered, "Hey, I know I'm just a sad, fucked up, little hanyou, but I don't need your freakin' pity, whether you're rich or not. I never asked for it."

"I don't think of you that way at all—that isn't why I did it."

"Pft. Yeah. Okay. Sure."

"And if I may say so, if you can't even accept some free food without throwing a fit, you really will be stuck in the exact same place for the rest of your life."

He glared at me, "Why don't you just leme' alone now? I messed up, all right? I said I was sorry. What the hell're you still railing on me for?"

Was it even possible that it might be okay to just go home and leave things as they were?

No. Gojyo would never come back after this, if I didn't go after him, and in the worst-case scenario, he'd probably go and get killed picking up some absurd item for his boss. I couldn't live that down. So I had to be the one to fix this, if only because the ramifications might turn out to be too painful for me to face.

Maybe if I hadn't mentioned that he was a hanyou this would have blown over our heads, but it was clear I had offended him, and I was afraid he wasn't going to accept my apology.

We walked down, back into the slums, where it seemed darker and colder than anywhere else, and the streets were just slightly frightening, every corner boasting either a thug or a prostitute. Gojyo stayed a few feet ahead of me. Once, he growled, "How long're you gonna' follow me anyway?"

"All night, if I must."

Not long after that, we reached his apartment; he stepped up onto the steps, and before he so much as opened the door, he turned to snarl at me, "Go home."

The hostility caught me off guard, "I beg your pardon?"

"You heard me. Get your ass offa' my doorstep."

"Really?"

"Do I look like I'm fuckin' with ya'?"

He did look decidedly angry, and serious.

"Why in the world are you so angry?"

"I'm _not_."

"You're acting angry."

"I'm not angry. Just get away from me."

"Will you just listen to me a moment?"

"No. I don't feel like it tonight. Now, for the last time, get offa' my doorstep, or I'm gonna' knock ya' off it."

"I think you're blowing this out of proportion."

"Not really."

"You don't want to face what I said, so you're running away."

"That's not it." He blurted, and suddenly he looked almost afraid, and somewhat sad. "It's just…you're gonna' go and never come back anyway, right? Might as well get movin'."

"Is that what you think?"

"I know. Okay? I know you don't wanna' waste your time—that's fine—I don't need you to-"

"Please. Can't you think about this rationally? How long has it been since we went to Wu? Almost four months, I think. Have I ever treated you wrongly since that day?"

He didn't answer, but he looked suddenly sadder than ever, so sad I half-expected him to burst into tears on the spot.

The expression silenced me effectively, because I was beginning to glimpse just what a big deal this actually was, and I was starting to wonder why I had thought I could mention it with such frivolity and not have this happen. Could it be that the alcohol I'd had might have impaired my judgment, even if I wasn't drunk? I had to take care, or my actions might tear a rift between us.

By this time, I couldn't even consider being angry over what he'd said to me anymore because we'd stepped into something bigger.

"I didn't mean to lie to you." He murmured after a moment.

"Now, now. You didn't lie to me—you were just trying to protect yourself… Do you think I'm _angry_?"

"I dunno'… You were a minute ago."

"Yes, but that was a different matter entirely. Can't you see that?"

For whatever reason, that seemed to make him that much sadder, and even more nervous, almost as if he expected me to hit him.

I stared at him, practically whispered, "Is it really that big a deal?"

"…is what?"

"Whatever it is that has you making that terribly sad face."

"Yeah. It is."

"Should I leave?"

"If you wanna'."

"Do you want me to?"

He looked at me a long time, but he didn't answer.

At last, I said, "You really thought I didn't know."

"Yeah."

"It seemed silly to me to go on as if I had no idea, watching you go to such ridiculous lengths to keep the truth from me, unaware that I knew already. Tell me something. Why does it matter so much that I know? How are things any different than they were yesterday or the day before that?"

Gojyo lowered his eyes.

"My God, you really do look bereft. Do you actually think I'd quit your friendship over this? You think I'd walk out on you over something so unimportant?"

"Unimportant?" He scowled at me, "Hakkai, it's…everything. Absolutely everything."

"So I've heard."

"You don't think so? Shit, man, it's the reason I am where I am. It's the reason my life sucks. It's the reason I'm alone. It's _everything_ to me. It's not unimportant."

"Yes, but I don't care at all."

"How can you say that? How can you actually think it doesn't matter?"

"Because it doesn't define you—other things define you—and honestly, I don't think I could care less."

"You gotta' be fucking with me."

"I'm not. We haven't been friends all that long, but still, I've come to imagine us as being rather close, wouldn't you agree? That is to say, we see each other often, and we know one another fairly well. If something as petty as your race bothered me, do you think we ever would have gotten to this point?

"I learned about your unique origin shortly after the first time we met, and I wasn't repulsed. I came back, I must admit, the first handful of times because I was curious. Not necessarily about _that_, but I assure you that we're friends now because I like you, and I'm willing to tolerate the less-attractive attributes of your personality _because_ I like you that much. You may not have notice, but I am not a very tolerant person."

He met my eyes again, finally, "I like you too, 'Kai. That's why I didn't want you to know… I knew you'd quit coming around if you ever found out."

"Really? You _knew_?"

He shrugged.

I shook my head. "Listen. It's cold out here. Why don't we go inside, I'll make us some coffee, and we'll discuss this?"

Hesitantly, he opened the door and led the way inside.

I followed, somewhat relieved that he wasn't slamming the door in my face. I wasn't sure exactly why he'd lost his composure so quickly, but at least he was giving me the opportunity to bring him around.


	5. Chapter 5

**So, I edited this when I was drunk, in all honesty. Hopefully it makes sense… But I didn't _write_ it when I was drunk, so…I have that going for me.**

**Also, it's short. Because it is. **

**Enjoy**

* * *

**Gojyo**

Man, I really messed up big tonight. First I pissed him off, and now we were in this shitty little nightmare, and it didn't matter how hard I'd tried to avoid it. This was turning out not to be such a great birthday after all. Anyway, as I walked into my apartment, I realized I'd been wrong about something—for the last four months I'd been telling myself that it wouldn't matter that much if Hakkai found out I was a hanyou, but tonight, now that I knew, it was hitting me in the face like a baseball bat how much it really did matter. For one thing, it was suddenly occurring to me how much I saw him and how much I actually liked him and ultimately, how much it was going to suck when he left and never came back.

Four months wasn't really a lot of time, but damn, did I feel like I'd known the kid forever or what? Maybe it was just because we'd almost died together a couple times now, or maybe it had to do with the fact that I'd never had a real friend before.

_Doesn't matter now, cause I fucked up._

I should have known better. He never talked about his parents. I just figured they were out there somewhere, rich, powerful, and uncaring.

_Shouldn't have done that._

That assumption was really going to cost me.

The only thing I could think of now was that if I didn't care so much, it wouldn't hurt me as bad. But then…it was too late to just stop caring.

Maybe if I just acted like I didn't care, that would help.

"Whatever, man. Do whatever ya' want."

"Thank-you." He came in behind me as I flicked on the light, and then I saw him looking around, sort of disbelieving and disgusted, standing by the door, just taking it all in.

That had me glancing around too; there was trash everywhere, the garbage in the kitchen hadn't been taken out in a few weeks, so it was piling up, along with the dirty dishes, and there were cigarette butts and empty beer cans and heaps of magazines and all kinds of crap everywhere. The whole place probably reeked, but I couldn't tell anymore—I was too used to it.

"Make yourself at home." I snorted, tossing my hoodie onto the back of the nearest chair, where a couple of Banri's jackets and shirts were already hanging.

"I can't believe you live here." He murmured.

I didn't think it was really that bad, but from the look on his face, I might as well have been living in a landfill.

"What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing really…it's just in desperate need of a little attention. Anyway, shall I make us some coffee?"

"Whatever." I was thinking about getting another beer, since I didn't feel drunk enough to deal with what was happening, but Hakkai came through the kitchen like he was wading through a polluted swamp and started looking for the coffee components.

"Why aren't the grounds and the filters stored in the same location?"

"Dunno'. They are some times…"

"And the sugar? Well, I don't take sugar in mine usually, do you?"

"Sometimes."

"Ah, in here. Why didn't I think to look _here_? Organization is sorely lacking… Is this where the mugs are kept? …No, of course not. Then where?"

"Um, they're probably all dirty."

Hakkai shook his head, but he set to washing a couple mugs, and then, before I could stop him, he'd rolled up his sleeves and he was doing the rest of the dishes too.

"What're you doing?"

"We call this 'doing the dishes'."

"Hey, you don't hafta' do that."

"Apparently no one thinks they have to."

"They ain't your dishes, dude."

He didn't answer.

I sank down on a chair and watched in disbelief as he washed and dried every dish in the sink, and then wiped down the counter, threw away loose trash, put things back up in the cabinets, changed out the trash bag and replaced it. Somewhere along the way, he must have found everything he needed to make coffee, and by the time he was pouring it, I barely recognized the kitchen.

"What're you doing now?"

"This is what's known as cleaning."

"My apartment? You OCD or something?"

"I do feel strangely compelled to put this place into some semblance of order." He set a steaming mug of black coffee, along with the sugar, in front of me on the way back into the living room, "I don't know if it's quite _obsessive _though."

I watched him organize in there too, collecting trash, stacking things neatly, emptying trash bags. He started making the cot, "Please tell me you don't sleep here."

"Where else would I sleep?"

"In the bedroom, perhaps?"

"That's where Banri sleeps."

"I should have known."

"Hey, look…I don't need you feeling sorry for me. And I don't need you to come in here and start judging the way I live."

He paused in what he was doing to look over his shoulder at me, "I don't feel sorry for you at all. Why would you think that?"

"Disgusted or sorry. It's gotta' be one or the other."

That's how it always was when people found out I was a mutt. Most of them were just sickened, but every now and then I ran into some do-gooder who couldn't tell me how damn sorry they were, and somehow, that was worse. The last thing I wanted was for him to feel bad for me or to think I was pathetic.

Still, even if he felt sorry for me, hell, even if he was _sickened_, I'd do anything to make this last a little bit longer. I really, really didn't want this to be the last conversation we ever had, even if there was nothing I could do to stop it. Even if everything was totally fucked now.

Then again, he was still here, wasn't he? He'd said that he liked me—I'd never heard him admit that out loud before, even though, I guess, I'd figured that he did. He acted like he did. I didn't expect him to keep liking me, in light of everything I'd said, and especially because of what I was, but….he _was_ still here…

I fought against the rising hope inside of me; it would be stupid to just believe him. It would be idiotic to bank on him sticking around. If anything, he might hang out with me a few more times, act like we were 'still friends', and then he'd probably get really busy with school all the sudden, start blowing me off, and, eventually, just stop talking to me completely.

The idea burned inside me like an open wound. I wanted to think it shouldn't matter so much, but it did matter, and I couldn't change that, even if I lied to myself.

I realized he was watching me from across the room.

"Why don't you believe me?" He asked, when our eyes met, and I felt like he was reading my mind.

"It's not that I don't believe you." I took a sip off my coffee, just for a distraction.

"Really? Because you're not acting as if you believe me. You act as if you think I'm lying to you. What's so different now compared to the way things were yesterday or the day before that?"

"You tell me." I muttered.

"Not a thing. The only difference now is that _you_ know that I know."

"You know, maybe it was okay like that. What'dya' bring it up for?"

"Should I not have? Should I have refrained from bursting your ignorant, little bubble?"

"I don't know… I guess not. I'm havin' a tough time believing it doesn't matter to you…"

"How can I prove to you that it doesn't? Whatever I have to do, Gojyo, just say it, and I'll do it." His voice was a little bit sharper than usual. Was he getting frustrated? If I frustrated him enough, he'd go away, and this would be the last time I talked to him. Why should he waste any patience on me?

"Hey, I'm sorry, man. I didn't-"

"There you go apologizing again." The frustration was even worse now. I'd better do something to curb it, or he'd probably storm out the door. "And what for? I asked you a simple question—"

There was nothing simple about that question, I thought.

I looked for a way to change the subject.

"You didn't have to make my bed, you know. I'm just gonna' mess it up later. I still gotta' find some girl to wish me happy birthday, so-"

He interrupted me, harshly "Gojyo. _What_ do I have to do to make you believe that I don't care that you're the way you are?"

He really wasn't letting it go.

I didn't know what to say.

"Anything. Anything you need me to do to prove it, and it might as well be done already. Anything to convince you I'm not using you or looking down on you. I'd jump off a bridge, if that's what you wanted."

That was pretty extreme, but who knew if he meant it or not. Maybe he just didn't want to be the asshole who gave up on me that easily.

I gave up and got to my feet, flicking ashes onto the floor and starting to pace a little, "I don't know, dude. Nothing. Nothing. There's nothing you can do. Fuck, why don't you start asking _why_ I should believe ya' in the first place? Ev'rybody else cares. That's the _only_ thing they care about—people find out, an' it's like I've got the plague—it's been that way my whole life, got it? So I'm used to it. That means you're offa' the hook; you can leave, an' I won't hold it against ya', and you don't hafta' pretend you don't feel sorry for me or jump off any bridges. It's okay. I knew this would happen from the very beginning, so it's okay." My mouth was dry as I said it one more time, like maybe I could force myself to think it was true, "It's okay."

He stayed where he was a little bit longer, watching me.

I waited for him to turn and walk out the door, like he should. I'd said he could go, and now what was stopping him?

The look on his face was pretty dark and unhappy, so he was probably really battling with his conscience about the whole thing.

"Really, dude, it's-"

Hakkai snapped, "If you say that word one more time, I think I'll scream." And then he stomped across the room, toward me, way more aggressively than I was used to.

I drew back a step, "What's up, man?"

Hakkai grabbed me by the front of the shirt, jerking me forward, and before I knew what was happening, his arms were around me, holding me tightly against himself, with one hand on the back of my neck. His skin was hot on mine.

For a second, I had no idea what to do. At first I panicked, because I didn't really know what was happening, and part of me thought he was going to kiss me or hit me or something nuts, but then that didn't happen, and I didn't know what to expect, so I just stood there, like an idiot, trying to figure it out, and eventually, it sort of dawned on me what he was doing. It had been a really, really long time since someone hugged me like that—Jien was probably the last person to do that, and it would have been back when I was really little, not like the day he left or anything, so it was something I wasn't used to at all. Not a sexual hug. Not a fake hug. Something genuine and meaningful. Even when I hugged other people, I knew it was kind of insincere and fake.

His mouth was right next to my ear. He smelled like tea and laundry detergent and sake. "Just stop talking and listen to me."

I tried to laugh it off, "What? Hey, dude, don't tell me you fell for me—I don't swing that way." For a sec, I thought about pulling away, because I didn't really know what else to do, and then I decided I didn't want to. At all.

"I'm sorry it's been like this for you, Gojyo. I'm sorry that you feel as if you can't even trust your own friends. I don't want to turn out to be just another disappointment in your life; so I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere until I know you believe I'm not going to leave you."

My voice was pathetically quiet too as I murmured, "Hey, dude...you don't hafta' be sorry or anything… I'm the idiot."

"You're not. I think, more than anything, you're just afraid of your own vulnerability."

For some reason, when he said those words, I felt like something heavy was lifted off me, and I leaned against him, head on his shoulder, and that felt good somehow. Having someone hold me up for once, instead of knocking me down or pushing me away, it was new. But it was good. "I…I wanna' believe you, 'Kai." I admitted, voice sounding a little raspy, and I think I might have even been shaking slightly.

He held on that much tighter. "But if you do, and I'm lying, you'll get hurt. I know."

I closed my eyes. "It's just…you weren't s'posed to know, okay? I never wanted you ta' find out. I thought we were getting along so well…I didn't want it to get all fucked up over my issues."

"I hardly think being a child of taboo is an 'issue', and I definitely don't think anything's gotten… "fucked up"…. Actually, things are exactly the same as they've always been."

"I'm sorry, okay?" I was practically whispering, "I don't know what to do."

"I don't expect you to do anything, because it doesn't matter to me how you were born. You don't have to be afraid to be real with me, and it's okay if you're vulnerable sometimes. I'm not going to hurt you."

I leaned on him for a long time, just listening to him, thinking about what he was saying, and for some reason, I couldn't help believing him this time. The fact that he wasn't too disgusted to touch me or be around me made me feel like I had to believe him. Sure, it might still turn out that he was lying, and this might be the last time I ever saw him or talked to him, but suddenly, I didn't care. I didn't want to think that way. I wanted to think I meant something to him. I wanted to think this was real.

I just wanted it all to last a little bit longer.

"Sorry I was an ass earlier."

"You're not 'an ass'. Gojyo. You're just…"

"Immature."

"You're not very old."

He wasn't either, but then again, I guess that crazy old lady said he was wise beyond his years. I sighed, "You got me there."

For a second, he held me just a little tighter, "Cheer up. Please? I don't like to see you this way."

"No worries, man. Get another beer in me and I'll be the funnest kid ever."

"The most fun."

"Pfft. Yeah, yeah."

He started to let go, but I wasn't ready to let go yet—not of him, and not of the feeling of acceptance that was starting to flood through me—so I held on, "Hey, Hakkai-"

The door sprang open, startling both of us so bad, we jumped, and I spun around just as Banri was strolling in, taking his damn time and humming, "Hey, Gojyo, you still awake? It's past your damn bedtime, ain't it?"

"Banri." I stuttered, "You're back…"

"I figured you'd be getting lonely by now, so I thought I'd-" He looked up at me for the first time, noticing Hakkai was there, "What the hell? Company?"

I realized I was still half hanging on to Hakkai, and he still had his arm around my neck, shrugged out from under it and stepped back from him, "Not really. He just came to drop some stuff off—he was just leaving."

"Oh, I get it." Banri grinned. "_That_ kinda' company."

"What? No. He-"

"You're really somethin' Goj, I gotta' hand it to ya'. And hey, it's the kid from the fancy restaurant, right?" He marched right up to Hakkai, blowing smoke in his face, "Couldn't keep away, huh, Money? Nothin' wrong with that."

Hakkai looked at me, as if to ask 'what's he talking about'?

"That's not it, Banri." I growled, "Shut your fuckin' face for once."

"Don't get upset, buddy—you're irresistible to chicks _and_ dudes—it's a compliment."

"Go fuck yourself, you asshole; I'm telling you it ain't like that."

Banri leaned close to Hakkai, looking him in the eyes, "You're a human, huh? Maybe you don't know about Gojyo: he's got this mix and match thing going on. Then again, maybe you're into that, if you're the kinky type. Yeah, it might tweak a twisted, little fuck like you just the right way."  
That really pissed me off; It got my heart pounding too—the last thing I wanted was for Hakkai to think I was gay for him.

Banri kept on going. "If not, hey, no harm, no foul. I hear he's a really good kisser—but I wouldn't know shit about that. I don't like playing in both fields."

Hakkai looked like he had no idea what to say, and I figured, orphan or not, the crap Banri was saying was probably offending the shit out of him.

Before I could say anything else, Banri was looking at me again, "Oh, but you're not a faggot, really, right? You'll do anything, anywhere to make a little pocket money. I gotta say, pal, it grosses me out a little, but I guess if I had your level of self-worth issues, I'd be fuckin' anything that walked too-"

That was the last straw for me. He was obviously pretty drunk, and he was just going out of his way to be an asshole, to make Hakkai uncomfortable and to piss me off, but I wasn't in the mood to take it. Not on my birthday. "Shut the fuck up, Banri!"

I took the swing without even thinking about it, knocking him in the jaw with a right hook, and he went stumbling back, falling into the table. Cards, beer and ashtrays flew straight up, raining down on him.

Hakkai jumped out of the way before any of it could get on him, almost backing into me, and we watched Banri flop and writhe on the floor, moaning.

"What the fuck, Gojyo?" He shouted.

"That's what you get for talkin' out your ass, duckweed! It ain't like that."

Banri sat up, wiping a few threads of blood off his chin, "You didn't hafta' hit me, asshole—I was just teasing you! Where the hell's your sense of humor?"

"Yeah, you're _so_ fuckin' funny, Banri. Everything you say's a riot. Why don'tcha' just take a shit and go to bed?"

"You cocky, little sonnova'…"

"Gojyo." Hakkai nudged me, "Is everything all right?"

"Ev'rything's dandy." I shifted the cigarette around in my mouth, blowing some smoke out my nose, barely glanced at him, one eye always on Banri, "You better get home, yeah? It'd suck to get caught off campus after curfew."

He looked at me like that was supposed to be a joke, then leaned a bit closer, "Is it okay to leave you like this?"

"Sure. Pussy-dick's not gonna' do nothin'."

"Well, if you're sure…"

"I'm sure, Hakkai. Just beat it. And don't get knifed on your way home."

"Very well. I'll see you later." He pulled his coat on and headed for the door.

Banri sneered after him, "What? No goodbye kiss?"

Hakkai froze for a moment, then turned and gave him the sharpest, freakiest smile I'd ever seen in my life. It was super dark and mean, and it made it look like he was ready to knfe somebody. I'd never seen a look like that on someone my age. Not to mention he was normally so polite—I have to admit, it scared me a little. "I'm afraid not, though I'm sure you'd derive more than your share of pleasure out of that. You're so obsessed with the thought—why don't you kiss him goodnight yourself?"

"You perverted, little-"

"Night, 'Kai." I shoved him through the door before Banri could get on with whatever he had to say next.

"I'm not sure I like leaving you in this situation." He admitted, walking down the steps, still frowning.

"It's no big deal; Banri and I'll work it out. We always do."

"Well, it's not just that…"

"Don't worry about it, okay?"

"If you insist."

"I do. Later now." I shut the door on him quickly, hoping he'd just forget it and go home.

As soon as Hakkai was out, Banri was up, "What the hell is your problem, Gojyo?" He looked angrier than I'd seen him in a while, but I stood my ground, because there was no way I was scared of asshole Banri.

"I didn't like what you were sayin'." Damn. I'd feel a whole lot better about this situation if I weren't drunk.

"What did your sense of humor go on vacation?"

"Nah, you just ain't very funny."

His eyes flashed, "Look, it ain't my fault you do what you do. Nobody made you become a whore."

"See, that's the part that ain't funny: I'm notta' whore."

"Not _today_ anyway, right?" He snorted.

"Fuck you. It's not your business."

"At least I'd feel better if I knew you were makin' some sorta' money off that kid. It's all over town that you switched teams—hangin' out with some rich, well-bred, little snot-nose whenever you got the chance."

I remembered that Hakkai wasn't rich, and felt guilty all over again for the stuff I'd said to him earlier, but there was a time and place to think about that. "What's it to you?"

He was advancing on me now, looking all the angrier, "It means a lot to me that you'd just up and switch teams on me like that. Partner."

"Yeah, well ya' haven't been around much—ever since Dasha sent me to Wu you've been everywhere but here. Thanks for that, by the way, _partner._"

Partner. Yeah right. Banri was the shittiest partner ever, and the more I hung out with Hakkai, the more I realized how true it was. I had thought what I had with Banri was as good as I could get, but tonight…

"What have you even been up to lately, Gojyo? Running around playing games with that prick? I hope for your sake you're getting _something_ out of that."

Now that I thought about it, this was the first time I'd done anything like this without getting something out of it, and I didn't even care. "It's none of your business, Banri."

He grabbed my shoulders suddenly, shaking me and slamming me back into the door, "Not my business, huh? Did you forget me and you are in this thing together?"

"What thing?" I demanded, struggling to keep calm. "Sure as hell not the work I've been doing for Dasha."

"Not really _that_, just working for Dasha in general. You've been totally AWOL lately, and I've been dealing with that cock bite by myself. You piss him off, and it's gonna' be _my_ head, you know."

"Well, I'm not plannin' on pissin' him off, Banri, so calm the fuck down." I tried to shove him off and push past him, but Banri caught my wrist and twisted it sharply, sending a jab of pain up my arm, slammed me into the door again,

"Owe! What the fuck, Banri?"

He lingered close to my face, the reeking booze on his breath feathering across my cheeks. Everything was so different from how it had been a second ago. It made me feel sort of scared. "Who do you think you're kidding? You ain't getting anything outta' hanging around that little bastard—I thought, maybe you were fucking him, and at least that'd be something, but you ain't even doing _that._ Which means you're just running around, wasting time, pissing people off, like a fuckin' shithead."

"What's that supposed to mean? What people?"

He got a crumpled piece of paper out of his pocket, unfolded it and shoved it in my face. "See this? Know what this is?"

I studied it a second, "A bad picture of me."

"It's a wanted poster, dumbass. You pissed somebody off—old man Wu, or maybe somebody worse—and now they're out for blood."

My heartbeat picked up a little, but I forced myself not to lose composure, "Yeah, so? If you'd gone to Wu with me maybe it wouldn't have happened. Besides, what's it to you?"

"What's it to me? Gojyo." His voice turned sad and offended, "You're my partner, remember? We're buddies. I'm just tryin' to warn ya', pal."

"Yeah, thanks for the warning." I muttered.

"So get your shit together, all right? Finish up whatever Dasha wants, quit dickin' around with that kid, and quit slackin' off, because if the shit hits the fan, and I get dragged into this little mess of yours, I'm gonna' be seriously pissed. Besides, you're making us look like amateurs."

"Well if you're so worried about it, why weren't you helping me pick that shit up in the first place?"

"As if I've got the time—I got other stuff to get done."

"Right. I'm sure whatever you gotta' do is way more important than watching your partner's back."

Banri laughed a little, finally backing off, and pounded my shoulder, like we were all good now, "Since when do you need _me_ to watch your back? Just get the rest of what Dasha wants and everything'll be fine." He balled the wanted poster up again and dropped it. I watched it fall to the floor.

"What about the people who put those up, Banri?" I called after him as he started walking away. I didn't mean to sound scared, and I definitely didn't need his reassurance, but I'd never had a warrant out for my arrest before, and the idea that someone, somewhere, wanted me brought in, was sort of freaking me out.

Grinning heartlessly, he turned back to me, "The wanted posters? What about 'em?"

"What should I do?"

"Not much you _can_ do, baby boy. Try to stay off the radar, that's all. Oh, and by the way, if you want another reason to keep away from that kid, if they _do_ catch you, and they decide he's an accessory to whatever the hell you did, they'll put him away too. Just somethin' to think about. Anyway, sweet dreams."

He shut off the light on his way out, and I knelt down to pick up the wanted poster, uncrumpling it and looking at it the best I could in the dim light from outside. They were a couple of pretty rough sketches of me one from the front and one in profile, but they got my scars on the correct cheek, and my hair and eyes were colored red, so anyone in town would know it was me. The caption read, 'Approximately sixteen years old, 5'9", last seen with dark-haired accomplice of the same age; wanted, alive; five-million yen reward.'

Shit, that was a pretty big reward. Screw it, that was a _huge_ reward. I'd probably have people who were supposed to be my friends selling me out over a reward like that. Who would have issued this thing? Was it really old man Wu? More than likely, if they were mentioning Hakkai as the accomplice. I figured, if it was the people in Ying, they'd have posters of Hakkai up instead, calling me the accomplice. Maybe. He was the one who hit the dude with the rock.

_I'm the one who took their goddamn, precious book._

Either way, it was a raise in the stakes I really didn't need. Even if I got everything to Dasha tomorrow, whoever commissioned these posters was going to keep looking for me. Maybe, if I got everything for Dasha I wouldn't have to hang around in this town though, and that would help.

_That means leavin' Hakkai behind._

Weird. The thought left a pile of ice in my gut. I guess I'd never had anybody to worry about leaving behind before.

Still, he was a big boy—it's not like he needed me to hang around.

_I still don't wanna' just leave him._

Maybe that was more for me than it was for him. After tonight, I was feeling kind of lucky to have him in my life at all.

I stood still a second and thought about it, really thought about the way he'd come after me, refusing to go away, no matter what I'd said, and how he'd held onto me for those few, short minutes, because he wasn't grossed out or pissed off, or whatever. It was such a new feeling, and then, it was old too. Like something I'd had before, a long time ago—so long ago, I couldn't even remember. Like a separate life. I hadn't wanted it to get away from me, ever, but I had known it couldn't last forever, and it was still that way. So I was really fortunate to have it for as long as I could stretch it out. In the mean time, Banri was slinging around words like 'partner' and 'pal' and 'buddy', and somehow, the way Hakkai had acted tonight made me realize that asshole Banri wasn't really any of those things. He'd dump me in a second, and whether he said it out loud or not, I knew he looked down on me for what I was, just like everyone else did. What was I supposed to think when somebody came along who didn't act that way? How was I supposed to act? Could I really believe something that nice was real, or should I keep being skeptical and doubtful and wait for the boot to fall on my bloody, little head?

Only one thing was for sure: I couldn't afford to ignore Dasha's list like I'd decided to.

There were only two things left to find—how hard could it be—and the first thing to do was figure out where the goddess's ring and the ruby dagger would be, so in the morning, I got up and went over to Tai's bar. She knew a lot of people who had a lot of info about a lot of stuff, and if I had a warrant out for my arrest, it would be best to stick close to people I knew I could trust. God, when I thought about it, that was a disturbingly short list. Banri would run out on me when things got tough. Dasha might help me out just so he could get his shit, but when it was over, he'd be more than happy to throw me to the wolves to avoid paying me; the guys at the bar would sell me out in a heartbeat to get their hands on five-million yen, and the girls I ran around with were as desperate as anybody. At this point, it seemed like Tai might be the only person in all of An Jin that I could trust, and even then, I wasn't sure. Tai had this problem of being pretty greedy, and as she'd said, I had really shitty judgment when it came to picking out good friends. For all I knew, she'd sell me out too.

It was the best I could do.

I went into the bar like I owned the place, but everyone gawked at me, whispering, and it made me nervous as shit. Tai stared at me too, her doe eyes bigger than ever as she watched me walk across the room.

"Gojyo." She hissed, "What are you doing here?"

"What's that supposed to mean? I'm always here."

Tai came around the bar and grabbed me by the arm, leading me into the back room and shutting the door.

"Are we finally gonna' make out? Yesterday _was_ my birthday, you know, and I don't think you gave me a present."

"Quit with the jokes, will ya', kid? Why in the world are you here? It's all over town…"

"What's all over town?"

She held up a wanted poster, but it wasn't like the one Banri had showed me last night—it was way more official, with a photograph instead of a drawing, and a reward for fifty-million yen.

I snatched it from her, "I'm up to fifty million? But-"

"That's what's all over town. People have been talking about it for two days straight."

"People?"

"Everyone. Gojyo…what did you do?"

A wave of panic was hitting me, and I suddenly felt dizzy, leaned back on the wall as casually as I could, pushing hair back from my forehead, "Nothin'…I just ripped off some petty shit, I swear."

"Well, it wasn't petty to somebody. I heard Dasha's pissed at you too."

"Dasha?" I snapped my head up to look at her, "What's he got to be pissed about?"

"No idea. The word on the street is he's pissed about something."

He couldn't be _that_ pissed yet though, or he would have had somebody bring me in by this time. If I got the rest of his stuff, he'd calm down. But he said there wasn't a deadline. Did I do something else to upset him? Last time I saw him, he seemed happy enough, even if it was about a month ago.

"What are you going to do?" Tai asked quietly.

I shrugged, "Finish the job as fast as I can."

Her eyes got even wider, "You're still working on this thing? Jesus, Gojyo! You need to get out of town!"

"I know, I know, okay, but it's not that easy. Hey, what's the word anyway? Anybody talking about turning me in?"

"Not very seriously—not _yet_ at least—but you need to watch your back."

_Or get somebody to watch it for me._

"I need your help with something." I got out my copy of Dasha's list, handed it to her, "These are some of the things that freak wants. Know anything about either?"

Tai scanned the list, frowning lightly, "I've never heard of them."

"Craptastic."

"These don't sound like 'petty' things to me, Gojyo."

"Well they're not worth fifty-million yen." I snapped. "Do you know anybody who might know _something_?"

"The only thing I can think of is that there's a temple of Kanzeon Bosatsu about five miles southwest of Cheng. This goddess's ring could be there, but…don't quote me on that."

"It's the best I got right now. Think you could find anything out about that stuff?"

"Maybe. A lot of strange people come in here."

"Cool. You keep the list. I'll come back in a couple days."

"Gojyo." She grabbed my arm, "I really think this might be a good time to just get out of town."

"Oh, c'mon. Things are just starting to get interesting." I gave her a grin, but I felt sick.


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry if these are seeming sort of short-I feel like we're tearing through this really fast...**

* * *

_If I fall_

_Fuck you all_

_I'm taking everybody down…_

**6. In Which the Stakes are Raised**

* * *

Hakkai

I sat down across from Professor Hyoka, but I had no idea what he'd called me for. Professor Hyoka was a middle-aged man, approximately forty-two, tall and gaunt, with a severe face, hard eyes, and a reputation of being overly strict and hypercritical. I suppose that was why he'd gotten to be the Dean of Student Affairs, and during my time at Cheng, he'd taken particular interest in me, so I could assume that this meeting was some sort of recap of my accomplishments, or a conversation dedicated to either give me some feedback, encouragement, or a direction to go in. Several times in the past, Hyoka had attempted to talk me out of my studying theology, insisting that it was a waste of time, so it could be something along those lines as well.

"Thank-you for coming, Hakkai." Hyoka began. Even his voice was austere, and he exhibited almost inhuman levels of control when he spoke. "I suppose you're confused as to why I've called this meeting, particular when mid-term reviews aren't for another month."

"Yes sir…I must admit I have no idea what this is all about."

Honestly, I had other things I was much more concerned with. Firstly, the fact that I'd left Gojyo in that tense situation last night, and secondly, that I wasn't one hundred percent positive that the conversation we'd had was truly resolved. He'd never confirmed that he actually believed I wasn't going to walk out of his life, and after he'd been so distressed, I didn't feel ready to just assume he was all right. I had every intention of going to see him later today, and this meeting with the dean was only getting in my way.

"In that case, let me get straight to the point." He fixed his serious gaze on me, "Hakkai, you're an intelligent young man; the faculty has nothing but good things to report about you, you came highly recommended, and over all, I'd say you're well-qualified to be here.

"Cheng university values things like discipline, hard work, and tradition, as you well know."

"I apologize, sir, but have I done something wrong?"

"You tell me, Hakkai."

"If I have, I'm completely unaware, I assure you, and, alongside of being disciplined, hard-working, and respectful of tradition, I am a consistently honest person." I felt indescribably insulted if he intended to question my integrity outright.

"Yes, and _I_ assure _you_ that Cheng has been nothing if not impressed by your behavior and your propriety, up until now."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Unfortunately, it has come to our attention that you may be associating with…well, frankly, the sort of people the university tends to frown upon our students spending time with."

"I was under the impression that to attend this school is to uphold the utmost levels of respectability." I said, somewhat sarcastically.

He gave me a scathingly disapproving look, "Believe me, it is, and that is why, we fear that inappropriate company you've come to associate yourself with comes from…elsewhere."

"Elsewhere, sir?"

"According to a group of your friends, you've been in An Jin frequently over the last six months, in spite of strict, school policy against underage students going there under any circumstances. In these past four months alone you've received two demerits for visiting An Jin. We've questioned your room mate as well, but he insists he hasn't noticed anything strange about your habits; he says you still study, and of course, you're still turning in your assignments."

"In that case, I fail to see what the problem is, Professor, and, if I may speak plainly, I thought you were going to get straight to the point, but we've been sitting here for five minutes, and I still have no idea what this is about."

Hyoka sighed and adjusted his glasses, "Oh, very well. I had hoped you might admit to it yourself if I provided you with the opportunity, but I see now that I have no choice…

"Hakkai, it has come to our attention that you have been spending a good deal of time with a Child of Taboo."

My heart did skip a beat, but I was able to hide it, and asked earnestly, "A Child of Taboo, sir?"

"A hanyou."

"Ah. I see. And where would I have met such a person?"

"In An Jin, naturally, during one of your many trips down there. Now, don't try to deny it, Hakkai—there's more than enough evidence and eye-witness accounts to confirm it."

"I see." I thought carefully. I hadn't expected this to be about Gojyo, and since I was already concerned about him, I found myself feeling that much more agitated.

"You're intelligent-brilliant for your age-and you have a lot of promise, which is why you mustn't waste time with…with _that_ anymore, Hakkai."

Hearing him refer to Gojyo as a 'that' only served to upset me, and I asked bitingly, "Why, may I ask, does the university feel that it's any of its business _whom_ I spend my time with?"

"The university guarantees a top-notch education, Hakkai, provided there are no distractions to interfere with the students' learning environment, and therefore, we have taken it upon ourselves to eliminate any distractions that may be counterproductive to our goals. That is the very reason that we frown upon students going to the surrounding towns, and because you're still under the age of eighteen and have no legal guardian, we're fully responsible for your actions and the consequences they may generate, which is why An Jin, as well as the other towns around Cheng, are off-limits to minors."

"In that case, may I ask, if I were to have met someone else in An Jin—a human perhaps—would the university be interfering? When I signed my contract, I didn't realize that Cheng University would be impeding me from branching out and making new, diverse friends."

He steepled his hands, "I must admit, that would be an entirely different matter. Of course, the university has no intentions of preventing the students from making friends and forming valuable connections."

"So then, am I to understand that the only reason you've called me here is to order me to stop my association with…" I barely stopped myself from saying his name, "my new friend, because of his _race_?"

"That is indeed the case, unfortunately, and I must stress how unwise it is to associate with the Children of Taboo. They are…cursed." He finished simply.

"Indeed. Professor, if it's not too forward, I'd like to take this opportunity to learn more; why is it that the existence of the hanyou taboo to begin with?"

"Because it is forbidden for man and youkai to interbreed."

I waited for a further explanation, but that seemed to be all it was.

"But why is that?"

He smiled derisively, "That is something you'll grow to understand as you get older, Hakkai, though I see you have no sense of it now. I'd like to return to the matter at hand. You don't deny this creature you're rumored to be spend every waking moment of free time with does in fact exist?"

"Of course _he_ exists, sir. He's a close and valuable friend, and I've learned a good deal from _him_ in the past few months; further more, I don't appreciate the university getting involved in my personal life, particularly when, as far as I'm concerned, I've done nothing wrong."

Hyoka's eyes darkened, "Come now, Hakkai, don't be stupid. You're only sixteen, am I correct? Coming to a university this prestigious, at your age no less, is a great honor. You'd be foolish to throw it away over a hanyou." He spat the last word out, like a bad taste.

"What I do with my opportunities is my own business, and even if being a minor does make the university _partially _responsible for my actions, I'm by no means under the custody of you or any other members of the board. I'm what's known as an emancipated minor, as I'm sure it says in your records; therefore, the university has no control over what I do or whom I do it with off campus, even if it has been deemed…er…taboo, to go into An Jin. Oh, but you're not threatening me with expulsion, are you?"

"Of course not, Hakkai, I'm only trying to help." He smiled, but it looked out of place on his stern, heartless face.

"I do appreciate that, sir, but I don't feel that I'm in any need of assistance in this matter."

"In that case, you mean to tell me that you'll continue associating with your…hanyou, regardless of the consequences?"

I smiled wanly, "Yes sir, I'll be seeing my _friend_ as often as I feel like, and as long as you never catch me, I don't see that anything will come of it." I stood up with a sharp bow, "Good day, Professor, and thank-you again, very much, for your concern."

I walked to the door, trying not to look rushed, but when he called after me, I couldn't help jumping slightly.

"Yes sir?" I faced him again, not at all pleased to see the disapproving, condescending look that had encroached on his features.

"You are correct, Hakkai, as long as you're not caught, there is nothing I can do, but mark my words, I will be watching you closely from now on, and you had better believe that there will be consequences if I find that you've been in An Jin, or any of the surrounding towns. Frankly, I'm disturbed to learn that a young man of your aptitude, given your opportunity, is so careless and willing to throw his inhibitions to the wind. It's quite disappointing; but then, I am aware that you were not, by any means, groomed for this position. An orphan with a full-ride scholarship is still only that: an orphan."

My face flushed, but it would be a terrible mistake to lose my temper with the dean, so I held my tongue, difficult as it was.

"Also, be aware, Mister Hakkai. If your _hanyou_ even dreams of trespassing on Cheng campus…he will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. And last I checked, the law is not very lenient on creatures of _that_ origin."

That was more than I could bear, and just as I'd snapped at Banri the night before, I lost my head with Hyoka, "You'd do well not to threaten my hanyou, Mister Hyoka. I don't take well to that at all."

In another second, I was in the hall again, heart racing, palms itching. I'd said too much. I'd handled the situation all wrong. I'd been idiotic from the very beginning. Of course, I should have known they would find out about Gojyo and be disapproving of the matter all together. I should have taken better care to make sure it stayed secret. I suppose there was no help for it now, though.

I returned to my dorm, relieved to find that Jing-Sheng wasn't there, although, I did feel that I owed him a thank-you for covering for me, even when I hadn't asked him to. I was sure that Quing and Liling on the other hand, had been all too eager to tell Professor Hyoka about how often I visited An Jin. The only question that remained was, who in the world had found out I'd been associating with Gojyo in the first place. Who would have known he was a hanyou?

Something about this turn of events seemed very suspicious to me.

The door opened and Jing-Sheng entered, going immediately to stand beside my window and stared down.

"There you are." I smiled at him, "I'm glad to see you, Jing. I wanted to thank you…for…" I didn't want to go ahead and say 'for lying to the professors', so I faltered, "That is…I've been feeling that we're a little distant lately, and I'd like to reiterate how grateful I am to have such an accommodating room mate. Soon, when you have the time, I'd like to buy you lunch, and we can catch up."

Jing shook his head, "You'd better look outside first, Hakkai." And then he stepped away, went into his wing of the dormitory without another word.

I sighed, somewhat disappointed at his reaction, but I did go to the window and take a look outside.

I sucked the sigh back in immediately, a sharp, irritated breath, "That idiot." Not wasting another second, I left the room and ran downstairs, out into the front of the building, where Gojyo was sitting, casually as he did any other place, on the walkway wall, smoking a cigarette and watching the students pass by on their way to other parts of the campus. Here and there, someone would give an odd look, but they all continued on their way.

"What are you _doing_?" I demanded, stomping up to him.

He grinned and gave me a wave, "Hey, 'Kai. Man, you guys have some hot chicks up here." All the frivolity and cheer was back in place now, as if last night hadn't happened at all.

"Why are you _here_?"

"What, it's not a bad time, right?"

"As a matter of fact, it's an _awful _time. What are you doing here? Leave. At once."

"Hey." Gojyo frowned, "That's some way to greet a friend, pal."

"You aren't supposed to be here." I growled. Unbelievable that this idiot had showed up directly after my discussion with Professor Hyoka. I took a quick look around, making sure the dean wasn't coming, even now, with security, to have him arrested.

"Why not? You show up at my place all the time."

"It's very, very different, believe me."

"I don't see how."

"This is not a seedy, ill-kempt, little flat in the slums. This is _not_ my private home. This is my school campus, and they are very, very strict here about visitors."

It wasn't necessarily true, but after last night, I couldn't very well tell him the real reason he shouldn't be here.

Either way, he didn't appear to believe me. "Since when?"

"Since always. Now will you kindly go away before you get me in trouble?"

"Oh, what're they gonna' do? Ask me to leave? Hit your hands with a ruler?" He cupped a hand around his mouth, shouting, much to my horror, "Bring it on!"

I shoved him back over the wall.

"Hey!"

Not waiting for the satisfactory sound of him hitting the ground on the other side, I sprang over and crouched beside him, just as he was sitting up, rubbing his head.

"What the hell was that for?"

"Because you're not supposed to be here, remember?" I looked him over, relieved to see that he was okay after last night's tense situation, "At any rate, I hope you and Banri worked it out after all."

"Oh, yeah, no big deal. That dick's such a whiny bitch."

"Hm, I see. Well, you'd better go hang out with him today; I can't come out and play right now."

"Seriously?"

I rethought it. I had been planning to go visit him, but after my meeting with Hyoka, I thought maybe I should let things settle down a bit before I left the campus again.

"It would be best if I didn't."

His face fell right away, and he bit into his cigarette, scraped his hair away from his face.

Again, I didn't want him to think it had anything to do with our discussion from last night, so I added, "I'm sorry. I'll come and see you later, if you want."

"No, it's okay… It's just that I had an errand to run."

"An errand?"

"The goddess's ring; I think I know where it is."

"I thought you told me we're done with that list."

"Yeah, well, shit happened, and now I gotta' get back to work."

"What happened?" I demanded, because his voice wasn't quite as flippant as I would have expected.

"Nothing major. I just gotta' finish the list—there're only two things left to pick up."

"Well, can't it wait? I don't think it's smart to go today."

"No…I mean, today would be best. Right now, if you can." He took a moment to take a drag off the cigarette, "I…I really need you to go with me, Hakkai."

I cocked my head to one side, studying him, trying to make sense of his serious expression. "You _need_ me to?"

"Yeah, that's what I said. I can't do this by myself….I shouldn't."

"What in the world happened to mandate _that_? You've always acted as if you're perfectly fine doing this alone."

He was quiet a moment, and I knew he was deciding what to tell me. At last, he said, "I can't tell you right now. I will later. Right now…I just really need you to go over and get this damn ring with me. It'll only take like two hours, I swear."

I shook my head, but said, "Fine. I'll go with you, but you'd better explain along the way why it is that this is so urgent."

At once, he stood up, "You got it. I-"

I jerked him back down by the wrist, and he was so surprised, he fell in a heap, practically on top of me.

"Okay. What the fuck was _that_ for?"

"You stand out like a sore thumb wherever you go. You are aware of that, right?"

"Yeah…" For some reason, it looked like that bothered him. "I know. It's really, really bad."

"I am going to go back to my dorm and collect some supplies. _You_ are going to _sneak _off campus and wait for me. Whatever you do, don't let anyone see you, and I'll be there in twenty minutes."

"Man, how'm I supposed to sneak out of here?"

"I don't know exactly, but you'd better figure it out."

Grumbling, he sat back against the wall, discovered that his cigarette had gone out, and re-lit it. "Alright, whatever you want. Just hurry, okay?"

It didn't take me long to collect my things, but I was paranoid just the same, and I kept checking over my shoulder as I left the dorm building. My room mate watched me go, but he didn't ask me where I was headed, thank-goodness, though I was sure by now that he must know.

I met Gojyo outside the gate, and we began walking.

"My class starts in just a few short hours." I reminded him, but I didn't feel that I really needed to—he seemed to be in as much of a hurry as I was today, although, I doubted it was because he wanted to make sure I got back to campus on time.

"We're almost there." He said, for what felt like the tenth time, and still I felt like we were nowhere near our destination.

I could see the temple in the distance. It was tall, built on top of a hill, as if the men who'd placed it there had been trying to create a gateway to heaven. I was in agreement with what his friend, Tai, had told him, that the so-called goddess's ring might be in a temple built to a goddess, but Gojyo seemed nervous.

He was walking quickly now, even more quickly than he had been when we started out, and I had to hurry to catch up, "Are you going to tell me now why this is so urgent?"

Gojyo acted as if he hadn't heard me, just as he had the last three times I'd asked, and I was getting a bit frustrated with being ignored.

"Gojyo."

"Don't worry about it right now."

"You know, you interrupted my day so I'd help you with this, and it would be nice if you'd at least communicate with me."

"My boss is getting impatient, that's all. I have to wrap this thing up as soon as possible."

It was the best answer I'd gotten all day, so I had to accept it, even if I had my doubts about it being the full truth.

"May I ask you something else then?"

"Okay, go."

"Are we all right?"

"Huh? What'dya' mean?" He turned to give me a somewhat bewildered look.

"After last night. I just want to make sure everything's okay."

He took a moment to answer, "I was drunk. I went a little over the top."

"That may or may not be true, but what I want to know is if everything is okay _now_."

"Sure, yeah. As far as I know. I mean, as long as you're cool, I'm cool."

"Everything is exactly the way it's always been, for me at any rate." I had a strong urge to reiterate that point."

"Then I'd say we're good." He smiled at me.

I smiled back, unable to help feeling a little contrite as I thought back on it all. "I'm sorry your birthday ended up being less than spectacular."

"It was still the best birthday I've ever had, so don't worry about it."

"Very well then, I'll try to move on." Hopefully, as long as he did the same, things could go back to the way they were before last night.

We had reached a staircase now, where tall, granite steps led up to the temple on the hill, and a sign there read 'Temple of the Goddess."

"Suppose it isn't here?" I asked, as we began to climb.

"Then we'll have to look for it somewhere else."

"On a different day, of course."

He sighed, "Yeah, of course on a different day, Hakkai. You gotta' get back to class, I know."

The stairs seemed to go on forever, and I chose not to respond, to save my breath. The wind picked up as we climbed, and I noticed that it was icy, numbing my ears and my face at an astonishing rate, and before we'd even reached the top, I was cold and tired and a bit annoyed, and I didn't even want to consider how we were going to gain access to a Buddhist temple. "I'm sure the monks will be reluctant to let us in." I said out loud.

"Well, we're not askin' their permission."

"No, I suppose not. I can't help but wondering though, why it is you choose to do all these covert operations in the middle of broad daylight."

"Just happens that way."

I studied his face, considering his terse responses. "You seem nervous."

"I don't get nervous."

"Of course not. Honestly though, is there some reason _I _should be nervous?"

He didn't respond, but I was too fed up with being ignored, so I prodded.

"Is there?"

"No, but-"

He stopped suddenly, frowning, and I looked ahead to see that we had reached the top. The temple was just a stone's throw from us now, and it looked ornate and fancy enough, surrounded by a thick, stone fence, but the gate had been left open, and the way into the courtyard was unguarded.

"Now that's odd." I said.

"Beats goin' over the wall." Gojyo answered, with forced levity.

"You mean we're going to walk right through the front gate?"

"Sure. Why not?"

"It's just a bit of a haphazard plan, isn't it?"

"Look, we're just a couple of dumb kids who happened to wander in. If we get caught, we plead stupidity and back sneak in later."'

That was slipshod too. I felt like he wasn't planning anything out anymore, but if this was anywhere near as dangerous as the previous pick-ups had been, I didn't think we could afford to leave such things to chance.

Before I was able to confess my fears to him, he was ducking through the gate, checking around the corner once before he went inside.

I hesitated a long while, staring into the temple yard, and then I took a look back over my shoulder, one more time, down the steep mountain of stairs we'd climbed, back across the plains, toward Cheng, where I could see a vague skyline of buildings against the backdrop of the pale, blue-gray sky. Something in the sight chilled me, and I couldn't feel as if someone were watching us very closely now.

I told myself it would be all right, and followed my friend. After all, if anything were to happen now, we were all each other had.

"Gojyo." I hissed, sneaking after him.

I found myself in a large garden, the ground coated with fine, red sand, and all around were trees of all different types and sizes, windchimes dangling from their branches.

* * *

**Gojyo**

The temple was a pretty fancy place. On the other side of the gate was a huge garden, the ground coated with fine, red sand, and all around were trees of different sizes and types, most of them I didn't know the name for. I heard windchimes ringing in their branches. Through the middle of the garden, there was a little, frozen stream, with a stone bridge leading across it to the main building, but I still didn't see any monks, and I was getting this weird, heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Hakkai snuck in after me, hissing, "Gojyo."

"Mm. What?"

"Why am I beginning to get the feeling that you haven't planned this out at all?"

I didn't want him to know that I hadn't—I'd found out where this place was from Tai, gone to pick him up from Cheng, and come straight here—so I didn't answer. "Dude, where's everybody at?"

"Inside praying, perhaps. I find it a bit disconcerting that no one's here to chase us out."

We were crossing the bridge now, and looking down at the ice-covered, I could barely make out my reflection. It made me think of last night, and the argument we'd had, and suddenly I was really glad he'd followed me home, otherwise, I would be doing this by myself right now, but at the same time, I felt really, really bad.

"Hakkai?" I slung my arm around his shoulders.

"What?"

I was careful to blow my cigarette smoke away from his face. "You trust me, right?"

He was speechless a moment, "What? Of course I do. You've never given me any reason not to. Why?"

I thought about the wanted posters and the rewards, and the fact that he was a listed accessory to my crimes. I guess that's what he got for just going to make sure I didn't get killed. That whole thing about no good deed going unpunished was right on the money. But since he trusted me, I suddenly didn't want to lie to him.

"I don't wanna' get you in trouble, 'Kai. You know that, right? I'm not always the best guy, and I don't always do the right thing, and I've been hanging around some sleazy people for the last few years, but I know a good dude when I meet one. I'd really feel like an asshole if I got you in trouble or something, know what I mean?"

He was just listening to me, quietly, and I was grateful for that.

We were passing through the temple entrance now, entering the inner courtyard, and I was careful to listen for any voices or other signs of activity, but as far as I could tell, there really wasn't anyone around.

"Maybe…if you want to, you can just go back outside and wait for me."

Hakkai suddenly shook free of me, stopping where he was and giving me a wide-eyed look, "What is wrong with you today?"

"What? Nothin'."

"You act like you know something I don't."

"I ain't leading you into a trap or anything, I swear."

"I wouldn't think you were, but I'd have to be an utter fool not to notice that something's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong. If you don't wanna' wait outside, don't." I started walking again.

"For your information, waiting outside would defeat the purpose of my coming here, although, frankly, I'm not sure what it is I'm here for to begin with. No one else appears to be, and you won't tell me anything. I don't know what I'm supposed to think when you ask if I trust you, or when you say you'd feel like an asshole if you got me in trouble."

He went on nagging, and I hesitated, just inside the inner courtyard. It was as silent as everywhere else, more stone steps leading up to the door of the main building. In the middle of the courtyard was a tall, golden statue of a half-naked woman with long, wavy hair. She was in a sitting position, holding a lotus leaf in one hand, pointing away into the distance with the other, and there was this knowing smile on her lips, like she knew all about it, and she was laughing at you for it.

Right away, I noticed the thick, copper-colored ring around the pointed finger, it was almost like someone had put it up there just so I'd see it.

"Aren't you going to answer me?" Hakkai demanded.

"Shut up, Hakkai."

"Shut up? Gojyo, you cross a grim line when you go out of your way to question me in such a serious nature and then order me to shut up. I-"

"Yeah, but there it is."

"The ring?"

"Up there. On the statue."

He walked over, standing shoulder-to-shoulder with me in the courtyard doorway.

"Well, how do you propose we get it?"

"The statue's not that big. If I stand on your shoulders, I bet I can reach it."

Hakkai frowned, "I don't know. What if _I _stood on _your_ shoulders?'

"I'm lighter." I threw my cigarette down, going toward the statue, "C'mon, before somebody shows up."

"Very well then." His expression darkened with a warning look, "But don't think you've distracted me—we will finish this hypothetical conversation later."

"Sure, sure. Later. Now boost me up."

I knew he didn't like letting me climb up on his shoulders. He bitched about getting mud on his jacket and about how I was heavier than I looked, how he would have brought me food less often if he'd known he'd have to do this eventually, and on and on.

Ignoring it all, I stood up as straight as I could, reaching out for the goddess's outstretched finger. It was really nerve-racking to be up there, like I was going to fall right off his shoulders, and I looked for something to hang on to, but there was nothing. Frustrated, I concentrated on reaching, only to find that I was just a few inches too short.

"Hakkai, I need to be up higher."

"What do you expect me to do about it?" Came the agitated reply.

"Can't you stand up straighter or something?"

He shifted around beneath me, and I gained about half an inch.

"It's not enough."

"I apologize for being too short. Perhaps if I'd brought something to stand on…"

"Never mind. I'm gonna' jump for it."

"'Jump for it'? Wonderful. Shall I prepare to have all the vertebrae in my back crushed?"

I steadied myself, making sure my balance was good, judging the distance, bending my knees a little as I got ready to jump. "You worry too much."

I launched off his shoulders, as lightly as I could, the force of the spring knocking him on his ass, as I groped wildly for the statue's arm, barely managed to grab on with my fingers, sliding a little, nearly losing my grip; I hung there a moment, just to make sure the whole arm wasn't gong to snap off, and then I hoisted myself up to get a better grip, shimmied toward the hand.

Beneath me, Hakkai stood up, muttering all the more, "Thank-you very much for the warning. I suppose you were expecting _me_ to provide the countdown as well."

"Bitch, bitch, bitch."

"Well, excuse me, but you're not the one coated from cranium to posterior in dust."

"No, I'm the one dangling twelve feet above the cold, hard ground. Now shut up and let me concentrate."

I was almost to the hand now. I thought I felt the statue giving way a little, either tilting or bending, but I kept my focus, swinging my way out onto the wrist.

"Yes." He said after he'd been watching a couple minutes. "You are the one who's more than likely going to fall and snap both his legs in two. At the moment, I don't feel all that inclined to try to catch you."

"I said knock it off. I'm almost there."

"This is undoubtedly the worst plan you have ever had."

I didn't favor that with a response. The wrist was desperately thin, and I knew that if I tried to go any further onto the hand, the thing would probably just break off.

"Fortunately for you, the statue seems to be gold-plated, as opposed to pure gold, otherwise it would have broken by now. Gold happens to be the most malleable mineral in the world."

"Thanks for the science lesson." Holding on tightly with one hand, I let go with the other, reaching desperately for the ring, but I was still just a couple of centimeters away.

"Dammit."

I swung out a little further, feeling my other hand start to slip.

"God dammit."

"Hold on." Hakkai's voice had changed from irritated to worried.

"What a good idea." I dared to glare down at him.

"It's just going to hurt a lot if you fall."

"You mean _when_ I fall." There was no other way down.

"I suppose that is what I mean."

One last swing. I clawed at the air, managed to grab hold of the finger, and, amazingly, it held out. I inched my hand back, trying to grab on to the ring.

My other hand lost its grip and I fell, screaming in surprise, but I kept my hold on the finger, swung there a moment, breathing hard.

"Gojyo." Hakkai said after a breathless moment, "This is such a bad idea; I'm not sure why I allowed you to put it into action."

Done playing games, I lifted my hand again to re-establish my grip, let go with the other hand, found the ring, and gave it a jerk.

The entire finger snapped off, right at the last knuckle.

"Oops."

No time to worry about that. My other hand was losing its grip again—this gold-plated shit was hard to hold on to—and I struggled to hang on. If I could get down onto the bicep or the shoulder maybe, the drop wouldn't be so far.

Taking a deep breath, I started to swing myself back the way I'd come, but it was hard with the finger in hand, and it only took another second before I'd let go again, fell the whole twelve feet with another startled yelp.

I hit Hakkai hard, and for an instant, I think he caught me in his arms, breaking the fall, before we both fell to the ground in a cloud of dust. I got the wind knocked out of me, writhed back and forth, trying to catch my breath, while Hakkai disentangled himself and brushed dirt off his pants and jacket.

"Thought you weren't gonna' catch me." I coughed.

"I decided it was better than carrying you back down all those stairs."

Painfully, I sat up, looked the finger over. "Well damn." Then I popped the ring off, turning it over in my hand. It was just a little bigger than average, thicker also, and it was pretty plain. Solid copper, probably—Hakkai, apparently, would know more about it than I did—with some scrapes and scores along the band, and a weird, little symbol of a flame engraved into it. There was some writing on it too, but it wasn't a language I knew. "At least I got it. We better beat it before the monks come back from vacation and find out I broke their statue."

Hakkai laughed, "I'd be much more worried about the Goddess of Mercy striking you down for the defilement of her image." He stopped suddenly, "What's this?"

I was half-smirking when I looked up, but that stopped when I saw the shocked, somewhat horrified expression he was wearing.

"Gojyo?" His voice sounded scared.

And then I saw that he was holding a crumpled piece of paper between his hands; not just any piece of paper though, one of the wanted posters—the one Tai had shown me earlier.

As quickly as I could, I snatched it away from him. It must have fallen out of my pocket when I landed on him. Shit. I stuffed it into my hoodie, even though it was no use; he'd had more than enough time to read it.

"It's nothing, Hakkai."

His eyes were huge, "You call being wanted for fifty-million yen nothing?"

"It's no big deal."

"What are you wanted _for_?"

Trying to look like I didn't care, I held the ring up, slid it onto my thumb, seeing how it was the only finger it would fit on.

"For stealing rare, precious, might I add, _dangerous_ items from people?"

"It's not worth fifty million though."

"Honestly? You don't think it's worth fifty million yen? A book that can answer any question? A flower that can supposedly contact the dead?"

A deep, guttural voice echoed through the courtyard. "Your friend is right, boy. You're playing with powers you don't fully comprehend."

We both jumped up, looking for the source of the voice. I found it on the top step of the building entrance: a tall, meaty man, not really fat, but definitely not muscular either. He looked fully human, dressed in a suit of all things—black on white with a bowtie—chunky rings on his fingers, black hair slicked back, with pale, green eyes, as hard as stones. There were two men standing on either side of him, wearing the same uniforms the men who'd chased us at the Wu mansion had worn, and they had guns. I backed into Hakkai, gesturing silently.

He made a gesture of his own, and I noticed that we were completely surrounded—men were standing in the entrance we'd come through, along the tops of the walls, and around the perimeter of the courtyard, watching and waiting for their orders.

"Who are you?" I demanded, trying not to sound scared.

"I must admit, I'm hurt that you don't know me, especially when I've come to feel as if I know you personally over the last few months."

"You don't know anything about me." I snorted.

"Sha Gojyo." He announced clearly, making his way down the steps. "Fifteen years old, approximately five foot seven; a hanyou runaway who came to An Jin three years ago. Before An Jin, you were living in Pei-Tao, where you got into a little too much trouble and had to get out of town." He reached the ground level and was coming toward us now, "Before that, no one can quite say where you came from. My guess is, you're either an orphan whose parents abandoned him at birth, or you ran away from home because they were taking their frustrations out on you. You're a cheat, a liar, a slut. And a thief."

"I'm impressed." I snapped, holding my breath, "But I'm _sixteen_, dick."

"Well congratulations."

"You got that wrong, what makes you think you didn't get the rest wrong too?"

"Because, when you're as rich as me, you can pay to know or own anything. It was all a matter of a little cash here and there, asking the right people the right questions, and there you have it. However, in spite of it all, I still want to help you."

"Yeah, I bet."

The man laughed at me, lighting a fat cigar, "You really are just a damn kid, aren't you? Both of you? I have to say, when my captain of security told me two kids took off with my Wizard's Medallion, I barely believed it, and yet, here you are, still up to the same dirty tricks."

"Wizard's Medallion?" Hakkai breathed.

"That makes you old man Wu." I looked the fat fucker over again. He was dressed the part anyway.

"I bet you thought you were pretty clever breaking into my home and stealing my medallion, don't you? Thought you'd get away with it? Believe me though, I've had you in my sights ever since, and things will go much easier for you, and your little accomplice, if you give me back my medallion."

"As if I'm just carrying it around with me."

"Not even _you're_ that stupid, Sha Gojyo. Tell me where it is and we can put an end to this, right now." He smiled sharkishly.

"Don't have it. I sold it already."

"I hope for your sake, that isn't true."

"For my sake or not, it is true."

"Then you'd better get it back."

"It's not that simple."

"I didn't ask if it was simple, kid."

I started telling him to go fuck himself, when Hakkai suddenly touched my arm and said, "Excuse me, Mr. Wu. Can't we come to some sort of agreement? Just how valuable is this medallion of yours? Isn't it possible we could pay you?"

Was he an idiot? He'd seen the thing just as well as I had—it looked way too expensive to just pay for. Like Dasha said, that amethyst was the size of my eyeball.

Unless he was just bluffing, to get us out of this situation. Had to be.

"I like the way you think, Cho Hakkai, you've got sense—which is more than your idiot friend can say—but unfortunately, the intrinsic value of the Wizard's Medallion is not what I'm concerned with."

"What do you mean?"

"I paid for that medallion myself, almost thirty years ago, back when I was a brash, young man, and it was worth more then than two rapscallions like yourselves could dig up in a lifetime, but the money isn't what concerns me. It's the power of the medallion—it's not something to be taken lightly, just as the power of that ring, and of the flower, and the book and the dagger aren't to be taken lightly. For thirty years, that medallion has brought nothing but misfortune to my family. I found out too late that it causes woe to all who dare to use it. Why did you think it was locked up in my guest house, as opposed to on display in my mansion?

"With the Wizard's Medallion, boys, you can look into the future: you can see all the pain and joy and love and loss that awaits you in life. You can see untold things—gaze far ahead to the end of the world, if you like—but that knowledge is a terrible thing to bear, so I've kept the medallion all this time, shielding the world from the evil magic that created and controls it, even now, exposing myself to its tragedy, just to ensure that it never falls into the wrong hands.

"And that is why I must get it back. As soon as possible."

The wrong hands? Just what was Dasha collecting all this shit for? Why was I the one paying for it?

"That's exactly why I said I want to help you." Wu fixed his eyes directly on me, "It's obvious you're nothing but a dumb kid, misdirected by someone else, either tricked or paid to steal my medallion, and as long as you continue to play with these items, not even knowing what they are, you are flirting with disaster. It goes without saying, I have nothing against you kids—I'm a quiet man who enjoys the finer things in life—I'm not interested in violence. All I want is to get my medallion back, safely, and for you two dumb asses to stop meddling with powers you don't understand."

I laughed at him, and he frowned deeply.

"What's so funny, Sha Gojyo?"

"What _is_ so funny?" Hakkai asked sharply.

"This is such bullshit. You acted like you know _so_ much about me, but if you'd really sunk your teeth into the material, you'd know there's no way I'm gonna' just quit and give you your fancy, little bauble back. Sure, what you're saying sounds pretty scary, but I got way too much at stake to just go home and forget about it, and in the end, I ain't scared of you, or magic, or the gods, or anything else."

His eyes got even darker, "I see. It seems you'll need a physical demonstration."

"Oh please. You ain't gonna' do shit to me, fucker. If you do, you'll never find out what happened to your precious, little necklace."

Even as I was talking though, he pulled a pistol out of his jacket, aiming right for me. It looked pretty heavy duty too—a forty cal, if I knew anything about guns…which I guess I didn't know much.

"Wait a moment." Hakkai said quickly, "Mr. Wu, I beg of you. This isn't necessary."

"Don't worry, Hakkai. He won't do it." I snorted some smoke in Wu's direction. "The Wu's ain't the type to go around shootin' kids, like he said."

"Not even hanyou kids?" Wu grinned darkly.

I almost rethought what I was saying. But what the hell? If I looked scared or like I was so much as reconsidering, he'd see through my bluff, and then he really would shoot me. Maybe Hakkai too.

"Mr. Wu." Hakkai said a little more firmly. "Please. My friend's an idiot—he has no idea what he's doing."

"He's about to figure it out."

I flipped him off. "Bring it on, you pieca' shit-"

I heard the echoing, loud bang of the gun. Saw the spark of gunpowder and the recoil, throwing his arm back. All of it was familiar.

Hakkai screamed my name.

Suddenly, pain sparked right in the middle of my chest. I felt the bullet hit. The impact knocked me down again, throwing me back a few feet.

How about that? He really did it.

I landed hard, slid a ways, coughing and grasping at my chest, immediately, looking for the wound. Searching for blood.

There was nothing.

Hakkai ran to my side. "Don't move, stupid." He shoved me back down. "Let me look."

I was coughing and hacking, sucking in air with lungs that felt like they were on fire, chest aching. I couldn't even laugh or argue or protest.

He stared at my chest for a split second, pulled my shirt up, fingertips sliding across my skin. "What in the world…?"

I forced myself to look down, terrified of what I was going to see.

It was just…me. My skin was red, a welt the size of my hand starting to swell up, bruising, already turning a little bit purple, but I didn't see a bullet wound. I didn't see even a spot of blood. I touched my chest too, half-expecting it to just shatter or crumble, but there was only the mildest sting.

Hakkai found my sternum, feeling along it. "It's not broken… I don't understand."

We both looked up at Wu, and Hakkai repeated, a bit louder, "I don't understand."

"Exactly. And that's the problem: you two have been running all over the countryside, taking things that don't belong to you, but it's much more serious than the typical case of juvenile delinquency. You've been stealing things that have power. Things you _don't_ understand."

"Feel like explainin' it?" I wheezed, my whole chest aching with the effort it took to speak.

"I think you'd better." Hakkai agreed, and I could hear in his voice just how angry he was.

"We can all agree that would be for the best." Wu answered. He ashed his cigar, and then began, "That ring you came to get—rather, to steal—is known as the Goddess's Ring, and although it is being kept here in this temple for the time being, it is not a tribute to our beloved Kanzeon Bosatsu. It is rumored to be a ring of Durga."

"Durga?" I wondered, glancing at Hakkai, figuring he'd have a better idea of what Wu was saying.

Sure enough, he was frowning, but his eyes were shining with fascination. "Durga is a Hindu goddess, Gojyo—a goddess of war—it's said she was born during a fierce battle between gods and demons."

Wu nodded gravely, "Indeed. Durga. You're a smart one, boy. No one knows how the alleged 'Ring of Durga' that is now on your finger came to be in this world, or what its precise origin is, but the most popular myth to date is that Durga left it to one of her favorite disciples during a time of great suffering, for they say that whoever wears the Goddess's Ring cannot die."

I touched my chest where the bullet had hit me, wondering if it had bounced off me or disintegrated.

"None can say for sure what became of the disciple Durga gave the ring to, or why it now floats through the world as a thing of myth, but its power still rings true: he who wears it has Durga's divine protection."

At this point, I would have laughed, if I hadn't seen the thing in action.

"So, as you can see, it's not a toy for two silly, little boys to play with, just as none of the others are."

"Yeah, okay." I got to my feet, barely suppressing a moan, chest aching even more, "So what do you expect us to do now? Leave it here and go home?"

"I expect you to hand it over to me, along with the other items you've stolen; they need to return to their proper places."

"No way, pops. Like I'd just hand any of that shit over to a greedy fuck like you."

"But you'll hand it over to your master?"

"Listen, I don't gotta' master, got it? I'm doing this for me, not for anyone else."

"Is that so? What a shame. Here I was hoping you wouldn't make me resort to force."

"Good luck forcing me to do _anything_ while I'm wearing this nifty ring."

"I see. Did you completely ignore my explanation? I said anyone who wears the Ring of Durga won't die. You can still feel pain."

"Perhaps we should listen to him." Hakkai said quietly.

I slanted a look at him, "Don't cop out on me now, partner."

"I wouldn't dream of it…but, the stakes are rather high, wouldn't you agree? I find it hard to believe that all this trouble is worth what you're supposedly getting in the end."

_Supposedly getting… he nailed that one._

But he was still wrong, because _if_ I got what I was supposedly getting, it would be totally worth it. Wu could shoot me point blank, over and over, and I wouldn't give this thing up.

Wu must have seen what I was thinking. The next words out of his mouth were, "If that's still not enough motivation, may I remind you that there is only _one_ ring of Durga? Just like there is only _one_ Cho Hakkai."

My heart started to hammer. The implication was explicit enough, and the idea that he might kill Hakkai over all of this was enough to scare me shitless, but I couldn't let him see any of that. Either way, I edged forward a little, standing just in front of Hakkai. "Not even you could get away with that, Wu."

The old man just laughed, "Perhaps not. Or perhaps your perception of the justice system is skewed and naive."  
"Fuck the justice system, asshole. If you touch Hakkai, _I'm_ gonna' _kill_ you."

"In any case, we needn't concern ourselves with whether or not that is even conceivable. I didn't come here to kill teenagers: I came to reclaim stolen property. And I'm tired of arguing with you about it, so why don't you just hand it over?" He held his hand out.

My mind raced, trying to think of any way out of this that wouldn't land us dead. He said he didn't want to kill us, but maybe if I didn't give him the ring, he really would kill Hakkai. Maybe if I _did_ give it to him, he'd kill _me._

"There's no sense in stalling—look around: the two of you are surrounded. There's no way out of this unless you give me the ring."

If I gave it to him, I'd lose the one shot I had at finding my brother.

Jien…

I clenched my fist tight.

What would Jien do?

I'd already seen what my brother did when he got into a tight spot.

"Don't be stupid, boy. There's nothing you can do."

Wu's voice was laced with impatience, but I detected the triumph in it too. He thought he'd won this stupid game. He thought I couldn't do anything _but_ give the ring to him. He had underestimated my will to win.

He hadn't taken into account the fact that I couldn't afford to lose.

"Gojyo." Hakkai hissed.

I snorted, "Fine. Fine." And then I began taking careful, measured steps toward Wu, who smiled like I was suddenly the smartest, cutest, most obedient, little puppy in the world.

"There's a good boy. It's just not worth all the risks, am I right?"

I tried to smile back at him, but I had to concentrate. If I looked too eager, he'd be suspicious. If I walked too slow, he'd have time to prepare himself. I had to time this perfectly. "Right."

"After we're finished here, why don't I treat you both to lunch, and then you can tell me what's become of the other four items."

"What do you want the rest of them for?" Hakkai asked slowly.

Wu's face crinkled in a smile, "I just want to make sure they're safe, of course."

"Of course." I was in arm's reach of him now. Close enough to hand the ring to him, but not close enough to strike. I moved in a little closer.

Wu's smile faded, and he held his hand out again, clearing his throat. "Well, well? Let's have it."

I hesitated. This could go really badly for me. It could go even worse for Hakkai. If I didn't do it just right, I could lose in a major way. I took a glance at Hakkai over my shoulder, but his face didn't show that he cared what I did one way or another. He was just watching, intently.

It was all up to me.

Careful not to so much as flinch, I grabbed Wu by the wrist, jerking him forward, and even though he was a lot bigger than me, he was so caught off-guard, he stumbled. I kicked him in the knee as hard as I could, knocking him down, and at the same time, pulled the switchblade from the waistband of my jeans, popping it open; I slid around behind him, smooth as water, nestled the edge of the blade against his fat throat. By the time his men figured out what was happening, it was too late.

"Gojyo!" Hakkai shouted, but I couldn't tell if he was disgusted or just surprised.

"Now, you fat, fuckin' slob." I hissed in Wu's ear, reaching down to take the gun out of his quivering hand. I ground the barrel into the side of his head, lightly, "Tell your men to drop their weapons."

"Hanyou…" Wu growled, "I should have known better than to trust a beast like you."

"That's right, you shoulda'. Now tell them."

He was quiet.

I pressed the gun into him a little harder, "I don't have a single problem with splattering your fat, rich head all over this holy temple."

"Men." Wu didn't so much as falter, "Drop your weapons. At once."

They didn't hurry though. They took all the time they needed laying their guns down, stepping back from them, and I could feel a million different eyes on me, breathlessly waiting. They all thought I was going to kill the bastard anyway, and when I did, they were going to grab their weapons again and shoot me. Whether I died from it or not didn't matter.


	7. Chapter 7

Cause I'm not a pawn for you to play in your fucking game  
I've got dignity and a dream that I want to achieve

**VII.**

**Promises**

My heart was beating so loudly, I thought everyone in the courtyard could hear it. I could barely breathe, and I felt the sweat streaming down my face. The gun was shaking in my hand—it wasn't like I'd never held a gun before, I'd held one. I'd even fired a gun, once or twice, but I'd never shot anybody before, even though I'd always thought I'd be able to. Now I was suddenly realizing what a huge deal that would actually be.

"What now?" Old Man Wu snorted, "You're just a scared, simple-minded child, anyone can see that."

All his men were staring at me, emotionlessly, and I knew they were all agreeing with him. Even Hakkai probably thought that at this point.

"Shut up." I growled. "Let's go." I prodded him with the gun until he got up, limping a little on the knee I'd kicked. I nudged him toward the exit. "That way, jackass. Move it."

His men watched, ready and calm. Way calmer than I was.

"Go!" I stuck the gun against Wu's back, barely took my eyes off him to look at Hakkai, "Let's go."

Hakkai stayed perfectly still.

My heart started hammering even more wildly. Would he bail on me? Now? In this critical moment?

To my relief, he edged after me, scanning the crowd of soldiers as he went.

I watched them too, sure one of them would get gutsy and make a grab for their gun—if they did, I'd have to live up to my word and kill Wu, and then I'd probably get shot too. The ring I was wearing was pretty fancy, but I couldn't quite believe a bullet to the head wouldn't be the end of me.

"There's no way out of this, Gojyo." Wu sneered. "You'd be a fool to take a man as powerful as I am hostage, and even if you get away today, what's to keep me from hunting you down?"

"I said shut up."

"Face it, you're up a creek, and you just threw your last paddle in the water."

It's not like I had a choice…

We backed through the exit. The men inched forward.

I screamed, "You fuckers stay put, got it? Or I'm gonna' shoot the old man!"

"Wait here, boys." Wu said casually, "I'm sure I'll be back sooner or later."

They stayed where they were, and I made my way to gate Hakkai and I had come through what felt like forever ago. I felt like I was going to throw up, and I was sweating and shaking so bad, there was no way everyone didn't see it.

Wu laughed at me, "You're terrified, aren't you? Dare I say, you're even more afraid than _I_ am?"

"You're not the one who's gotta' live with your filthy blood all over him for the rest of his life if somebody fucks up here."

"True enough. Why don't you spare everyone the suspense and stop this? For your own good?"

Come to think of it, that might be the smartest thing to do? Just throw the gun down now and hope they spared me.

_If he does, Dasha won't._

"It's not too late you know." He wheedled. "There's still time to hand over the ring. We won't even worry about the medallion today—you can go home and pull the blankets over your head and pretend this was just a nightmare."

Hakkai's eyes met mine, at last, "Gojyo-"

"Shut up, Hakkai. I got this, okay? And you." I punched Wu in the back, "Fuck yourself."

We had come to the stairs now, and I had no idea what to do next. Leave him? Take him with me?  
I shoved ahead of me, keeping the gun pointed at his back. "Move it."

The three of us started down the stairs. Wu tried to walk slowly, maybe to give his men a chance to think of something, but I hurried him along, continuing to look back up toward the temple, just to make sure they weren't coming.

"You." I waved the gun at Hakkai, "Up front. Now."

He gave me an angry look, "You're going to death march me too now?"

"Just do it, Hakkai." I snarled.

He edged his way around Wu, taking the lead.

At least now if this idiot's men came and started shooting at us they'd hit me or their boss before they hit Hakkai, and I still had the ring on my thumb.

We finally made it to the bottom of the staircase—I felt like it took a million times longer than climbing up had, and the sun was starting to set. I was surprised I hadn't puked all over Wu's back yet. "Now." I shoved him forward, and he limped a few feet away from me, turning slowly to face me. I kept the gun leveled on him, wondering if I'd be able to shoot straight when I was shaking like this. "On your knees."

"Gojyo." Hakkai protested loudly, "This is insane! The man is unarmed; just-"

"Shut up!" I roared, barely recognizing my own desperate voice in the stark air.

Wu sank slowly to his knees, the one I'd hurt earlier buckling as he did so, and he clamped his hands on top of his head, but for the first time, he looked like he might actually be afraid, and that was good enough for me. "Think clearly, boy. Think about your role in this world. What do you suppose will happen if a hanyou like you kills a rich human like me? You will become the epitome of 'being made an example of.'"

"Gojyo, he's right. Think about what you're doing!"

"QUIET!"

They were silent, but only for a second, before Wu warned me, "Kill me now, and that bounty on your head will never go away."

I leaned down, practically spitting in his face, "_Quadruple_ the fuckin' bounty, for all I care. I'll never back down just because some rich asshole tells me to."

Wu shook his head at me. He started to say something—something demeaning and aggravating, I was sure—but I pistol-whipped him in the head, as hard as I thought I could get away with, and he slumped over on his side without so much as a moan.

"Gojyo, you…"

I didn't hear what Hakkai said. I was busy. Busy scanning the area. They weren't coming after us yet. I didn't see men on the steps. I didn't see men on the road, or lying in wait in the field around us. It looked like I might be able to get away. If I moved now, before they could get their asses in gear. For all I knew, they were watching from up there, waiting for their chance.

"Gojyo? Are you listening?"

No. No, I didn't have time to listen. I shoved the gun into my hoodie pocket, all-too-aware of how obvious it was there, its bulky shape standing out against my stomach, and then put my brother's knife back into the waistband of my jeans. My hands were shaking so bad, it was a miracle I hadn't pulled the trigger on accident, or just dropped the gun. My whole body felt shaky like that, knees buckling like they couldn't even hold me up. My heart rate was insane, like I was on crack or something. I just wanted to fall down right there and then.

"Gojyo." Hakkai grabbed my shoulders, obviously trying to bring me back to reality.

"Stop it." I shoved him off. "We don't have time. We have to go."

"Go where?"

"Home. Now." I wrenched the ring off my thumb, shoved it at him, "Hold on to this 'til we get there."

He took it slowly, studying me with eyes, wide and distressed, "Why did you have to do that? Why didn't you just-"  
"Look, I'm sure you got a ton of questions, but just don't ask, okay? Not right now."

"When?" He demanded. "You don't seem to have any intentions of giving me a straight, honest answer. Ever."

"Yeah, well, I thought you said you trust me."

"After what you just did? I don't see how I-"

"I did it to get us out of there!" I shouted at last. "So he wouldn't kill us! What's the big deal? So I held the bastard at gunpoint for what, twenty minutes? He shot me! And ring or no ring, that fuckin' hurt!"

"Calm down. You're-"

I had no desire to hear what he planned to say, so I snapped, "Hey, don't you have a class to get to?"

"I'll more than likely be late anyway. We-"

"Then let's get moving. Before he wakes up, or they come after us, or something else happens."

Not waiting for him to answer, I turned and started walking up the road, got a cigarette out with still-shaking hands, and smoked it in what felt like two seconds. Half a pack later, I finally felt calm again, and Hakkai hadn't said a word.

"I wouldn't have killed him." I said when my heart was beating normally. "I just had to get us out of there."

His voice was shadowy, "In all my life, I've never seen anyone do anything so desperate."

"Yeah, well you better get used to it." I scuffed the toe of my boot along the road. I was nothing if not desperate, and I had been for all my life.

"By the way, I do still trust you. If I didn't, I would have stayed there, or else run away."

"I…guess that makes sense…"

"What _doesn't_ make sense is _why_ you're doing all this and why you're so obviously willing to do anything required to succeed."

"I don't expect you to get it."

"Well, you told Mr. Wu that you have too much at stake to just give up. If I may ask, what exactly do you have at stake, because as far as I understand, your boss has promised to pay you; nothing more."

I thought about it for a while, trying to decide if I should answer him or not. Part of me wanted to tell him the truth, and the rest of me wasn't sure it was a good idea. I knew I couldn't get away with not saying anything. "Carte blanche." I said at last.

"I beg your pardon?"

"It's a blank check."  
"Don't you think I know that?" He asked scathingly. "I don't understand why you're using it here."

"Isn't it obvious? Dasha told me he'd give me whatever I want most if I get this done for him. I don't know if he'll actually give me anything, but it doesn't matter."

"Doesn't matter?" He sounded incredulous, "You may not get anything for all this trouble, and it doesn't matter?"

"The only thing that matters is that I tried in the first place."

"Well excuse me for disagreeing, but I think it _does_ matter. Whatever it is you want the most, I highly doubt it's worth this agony. And the mere _possibility_ of getting it certainly is not."

"I decided it is, and you can't talk me out of this."

Hakkai stayed quiet for a while, and I saw the frown on his face, "This is getting dangerous. No. It's been dangerous right from the start—we've been shot at and chased and given frightening premonitions of how this will end—and for the life of me, I can't figure out why I'm still allowing you to do this, much less why I continue to involve myself."

"I don't get it either." Not that he could stop me, even if he tried, but he could get out of this whenever he wanted. "But I appreciate it." I added quietly.

Hakkai didn't say anything else for the rest of the walk home, and I just figured he was pretty mad about the whole thing. By the time we had to part ways, it was getting dark out, and I thought he might have missed his class, so I broke the silence, "Sorry, man. I guess I kinda' wrecked your whole day."

He turned to give me the ring back, along with a serious look, "Frankly, I'm tired of these life-or-death situations we keep getting into thanks to this job of yours, but I know better than to think you could go alone and come back alive, so all I want now is for this to be over as quickly as possible."

"It will be." I cursed myself mentally for being such an asshole. Hakkai was a saint, going with me over and over, even when he knew that we were probably going to be in danger, just to watch my back. I had to admit, the day I'd asked him to go to Wu with me, it was because he was there, willing and ignorant, and I could use him, but now, I'd be genuinely upset if something happened to him because of me. I thought of last night again, and how he'd been so insistent and reassuring, and how he'd held onto me, how he'd somehow known that it would make a difference.

No. No, I definitely didn't want anything to happen to Hakkai.

"Then the deal is, you locate that dagger as quickly as you possibly can, and I'll go with you one more time, and that had better be the end of it."

I couldn't do anything but repeat myself, "It will be, Hakkai. I promise."

Hakkai

Weeks passed, but I didn't see Gojyo, and for all I knew, he'd gone and gotten himself arrested, or killed or worse. I tried not to worry, but it was strange. For almost six months straight we'd been seeing each other nearly every day, and then, after I handed him Durga's ring, he seemed to vanish out of my life.

I threw myself into my studies, working that much harder on my schoolwork, and told myself it didn't matter to me, but I knew that it did. For whatever reason, I'd never felt so bound to a person before in my life. I'd met an average amount of people in my sixteen years—fellow orphans and students, well-meaning guardians and kindly strangers—but I'd always held the world back at an arm's length, observing those around me with boredom, and sometimes, disdain even. It had never mattered if people wanted to befriend me, and those who had tried failed miserably and became discouraged quickly. Even now, my fellow students in university misunderstood me, and my relationship was far from intimate with any of them.

But somehow _he_ had gotten under my skin, I thought, and sometimes, the thought was resentful and annoyed, because I didn't know how he'd done it so seamlessly and quickly, and others, it was wondering and bewildered, because no one had ever done it before. I thought of what the Book of the Ancients had told me

'…_The two of you are bound by the ties of another lifetime…'_

Whatever the reason, I couldn't not care when I knew he might be in danger. I couldn't help looking for him when he disappeared. The best I could do was try to fool myself into thinking that it might be for the greater good, and lie to myself that I wasn't waiting for him to come back when I really was.

It felt clingy and obsessive, and frankly, rather silly, to spend my time wondering and worrying about him, even more so when I felt myself starting to sincerely wish that he was beside me, but I recognized that I'd never had a real friend before in my life, and whatever else Gojyo was—a lunatic hanyou with what seemed to be a death wish—he seemed to be a true friend. Not that he'd ever had an opportunity to let me down, but something deep inside told me he wouldn't even if he got the chance.

So when almost a week had passed without seeing him, I looked for him. Despite Hyoka's warning about An Jin, I went into the city. I went to Gojyo's apartment and knocked, but no one answered. Still that didn't stop me from returning the next day, as well as the day after that. I scoured through Jin, eyes eagerly searching for even a single strand of crimson hair, but I found nothing.

It was as if he'd dropped off the face of the earth, the only trace of him left behind were the wanted posters, which seemed not only to be everywhere already, but were also rapidly multiplying. That was a good sign though; as long as someone was still putting wanted posters up, it meant they hadn't caught him.

Just the same, when three weeks had gone by, and my school semester had ended, and I had a short vacation, I decided to go into An Jin in the morning, turn the whole town upside down, and I was determined not to leave until I'd found Gojyo. It didn't matter if I had to go into the seediest whore house in the city.

Unfortunately, on my way out, I came across Quing and Liling, who, naturally, wanted to know where I was off to and what I was doing. I lied and told them I was running a few, simple errands.

"You could run errands in Cheng." Quing said, as if I didn't remember, "What do you have to go to An Jin for?"

"I suppose I'm looking for a change of pace." It wasn't a lie. After weeks of school and class and studying with the same boring, unimaginative, little people, I felt almost as if I were jonesing for Gojyo's crude sense of humor and immature games. Even more than that though, I missed his brash honesty and his tireless spirit.

"We'll go with you!" Liling decided, putting her arm through mine. "It's been a long time since we hung out."

"Oh. Well…that's… I mean, I'm not sure if that's a good idea, Liling."

"Why not? We'll keep you company."

"I wouldn't want to get you in trouble."

"You won't! It'll be fine. Right, Quing?"

"Sure. Besides, you might need some back up." He smiled at me, what I knew was supposed to be a friendly smile, but I just felt all the more annoyed.

However, I soon learned just how determined they were to accompany me. Nothing I said deterred them, and if I was too obstinate on the matter, I knew they would start to question what I was telling them, so in the end, I had to let them come along.

From there on out, I felt perpetually irritated. Liling and Quing were giggly and obnoxious all the way into An Jin. Quing complained about everything, and Liling wouldn't stop trying to flirt with me. Normally, their behavior didn't bother me, but today I couldn't ignore it and act as I usually did. I suppose I was concerned about finding Gojyo, and having the two of them with me made it seem all the more unlikely that I'd see him today. Not to mention that while I was searching for my friend, frantically almost, they were distracting me and questioning me and sometimes physically pulling me along to look at whatever had their interest at the moment.

Never the less, I did my best to keep my temper as we made our way through An Jin, from top to bottom. After all, it wasn't their fault this was happening.

For a while, as I hunted through the residential districts, both of them complained of boredom, asking me why we weren't in the more popular parts of town, and then, of course, they came up with all different sorts of ideas for where they wanted to go and what would be fun to do. After some time, Quing even became impatient and demanded, "Hakkai, what _are_ you doing?"

It was all I could do not to snap at him, and I reminded him, as calmly as possible, that this was _my _trip to An Jin, and that I had my own agenda to fulfill, adding lightly that if they weren't enjoying themselves, they were welcome to explore the town without me.

I couldn't quite understand why they chose to continue walking with me, but they did, behaving a bit better now, and I continued my search.

An Jin wasn't very large, and it wasn't long before I'd been through most of it. I went to as many places as I thought Gojyo might frequent, but he wasn't in any of them, and by the time we reached the shopping district, I was feeling rather certain I'd never see him again. It could be that he'd left town all together.

Jien and Quing tried on scarves and hats in a shop across the street while I sat down on a low, brick wall, more annoyed and unhappy than ever.

_Maybe that's for the best. If he gets away from all this…_

I didn't want to admit that I was hurt that he left without saying goodbye, but in truth, I could hardly believe he would do such a thing.

"Hakkai!" Liling laughed, waving a scarf at me, "Come over here!"

Not answering, I continued to brood.

"Come on, don't be boring!"

I barely managed to bite back a mean remark. It was becoming all the more difficult to keep from taking my frustrations out on the two of them.

They called to me a little longer, and then, eventually, gave up, started looking through a rack of coats instead.

_I told him I would go with him._ I reminded myself._ Would he leave town, even knowing I'm still willing to help?_

There was no help for it though. I might have to accept that Gojyo was gone, and I'd lost the closest friend I'd ever had before I could really even get to know him.

I was just thinking about getting up and going to Quing and Liling, telling them I was going back to Cheng, when someone snuck up behind me, wrapping one arm around my neck and covering my eyes with their hand. "Guess who."

I recognized the teasing, playful voice as quickly as I recognized the smell of cigarette smoke and rain, and my heart skipped a beat, but I hid my relief and said,

"I apologize, professor—I know I'm not supposed to be in town, but it's an emergency, you see. My idiot friend has dropped off the face of the planet, and he owes me money."

Gojyo let go of me, leaning around to glare at me over the tops of the dark sunglasses he was wearing, "I don't owe you money."

"Ah. Don't you? I apologize, I must be thinking of some _other_ idiot friend who's dropped off the face of the planet."

He grinned, puffing his cigarette, "I don't know how you'd mistake me for some idiot."

"It's surprisingly easy when I consider some of your past behavior. Joking aside though, where have you been?"

"What, were ya' worried?" Gojyo hung his arm off my shoulder.

"I haven't seen you in over three weeks. Granted, that's not really all that long, but considering the circumstances, I think even you can understand why I might be a little concerned."

"Sorry, man. I been layin' low."

"I came to your apartment on numerous occasions."

"Like I said, layin' low. If anybody comes to my place, I'm not home."

"You could have warned me you were going into hiding, you know. At any rate, have you had anymore run-ins with Mr. Wu?"

"Nope. It's weird." He pulled himself up onto the wall beside me, "I thought he'd show up at my place and raise hell or something, but he's been staying away."

"That's odd. And no one's tried to turn you in for the fifty million yen?"

"It's two-hundred million now." He said, much, much too calmly.

I nearly fell over backward, "Excuse me?"

"Bastard quadrupled it, just like I dared him to."

"And yet no one has tried to capture you?"

He shook his head, but I wondered if he was lying just to set my mind at ease, considered his attire for a moment. Along with his typical, black leather pants, shredded t-shirt and pitiable hoodie, he was wearing a beanie-style hat, and the sunglasses

Gojyo seemed to notice where I was looking, shrugged at me with a plaintive smile, "It's the best I can do, man."

"Dying your hair and cutting it is completely out of the question?"

"Damn straight. My virgin hair's not getting raped over this bullshit."

"But you don't honestly thinking wearing a hat and some glasses is what's kept you from being arrested so far."

"Hell, I don't know. It helps me sleep at night."

A small group of people walked past us, and I noticed they gave him a long, hard stare, whispered to each other, but kept going.

Gojyo fingered his scars, "No matter what I do, there's no hiding these."

"What do you intend to do?" I tried to look him in the eyes, but with the sunglasses on, I couldn't so much as take notice of where he was looking, let alone get any idea of his expression.

"Finish the job and see what happens."

I knew I didn't have to tell him that wasn't a sufficient plan. Gojyo wasn't so stupid as to think that finishing this job and receiving his so-called 'carte blanche' would be enough to get him out of this predicament. Still, he seemed so calm, I wondered if he was afraid at all, and that made me think of how frantic he'd been at the temple, shaking and snapping at everyone, even me.

"What about the dagger?"

Gojyo frowned intensely. "I can't friggin' find _anything_ out about that goddamn thing, Hakkai. No matter who I talk to, no one knows anything about it."

Then that was why it had been so long since I'd seen him.

"I mean, it's hard enough getting information, but having to sneak around and lay low, and go incognito everywhere…shit. I don't know if I'll ever find that thing."

We were both quiet for a while, and the crowd continued to pass by; across the street, Quing and Liling were looking at cages full of birds, laughing and poking their fingers through the bars to pet the animals. Everything was exactly as it had been fifteen minutes ago, but I was surprised to find how much better I felt, just because Gojyo was with me.

"Are you worried?" I asked in passing.

"Nah, I got plenty of time to figure this out."

I looked at him, reproachfully, "That's not necessarily true, now is it?"

"Dunno." He finished one cigarette, immediately lighting another, "My boss gave me all the time I need, basically…"

"But Wu won't lie in wait forever."

"Yeah."

"You have to do something."

"I don't know what to do, Hakkai. I feel like I'm at a dead end."

How painful would it be if he'd gone to all this trouble, only to be incapable of completing the task? Not only would he definitely not be getting his carte blanche, but Wu wasn't going to leave him alone until he had his medallion back, and perhaps the other items we'd taken as well.

"Don't worry." I advised, "We'll figure it out. In fact, if you want, I can do a little research on the Ruby Dagger at my school library; that might yield some useful information."

"You don't have to do that, man." He faced me seriously.

"Obviously, if I didn't want to help, I wouldn't bother coming here. Also, for future reference, it's incredibly difficult to help someone when they mysteriously disappear for almost a month."

"Oh yeah. Sorry to worry you, Mom. That reminds me: you bring any food?" He looked me over, like he expected to see a sack lunch appear.

"Not today. I honestly didn't expect to find you. My apologies."

"It's all good. I'm sure I can scrounge somethin' up downtown. You should come with me—I got somebody who wants to meet you."

"Someone wants to meet me? I didn't realize anyone in this town knew I was alive."

Gojyo looked almost embarrassed as he stood up, "Yeah. Well. I…guess I mentioned you to her once or twice."

"_Her_? Don't tell me you have a girlfriend."

"Ha. Me? No way. What about you? You ever hook up with that girl from the café?"

"Not as of yet."

"Dude, what are you dragging your feet for? You gay?"

"Certainly not. I haven't found the opportunity yet is all."

"Whatever." He graciously decided not to mention I'd had all the opportunity in the world that day at the café, and I was grateful for that. "We goin' downtown or not?"

"Actually, I'm not sure that today is a good day."

"Eh? But you came all the way down here to find me. I'd be such an asshole if I didn't take you some place cool."

"I don't think that necessarily constitutes you being an asshole, and in any case, it's just that today-"

"Hey, Hakkai!" Liling shouted, and I looked up to see she and Quing coming across the street toward me, each carrying a bag of things they'd bought in the shop. "I got something for you."

Gojyo stared at her with interest, and I already knew what he was thinking. "_You_ got a girlfriend, Hakkai?"

"Of course not. She's just a fellow student."

"She's pretty hot."

"I'm not sure she's your type."

He snorted, "Every chick is my type."

"Yes, I'm well-aware."

Liling and Quing stepped up to us, side by side, looking Gojyo over. Liling seemed curious, and Quing looked nervous, and both of them appeared to be more than a little judgmental.

"Who's this?" Quing demanded.

"Who're _you_?" Gojyo shot back, through a breath of cigarette smoke.

"We're friends of his." Liling said casually. "Are you selling something?"

"Sure am." Gojyo got to his feet, with a devilish grin, lingering close to her face, "Want a sample, princess?"

She blushed a little. "Um, I…"

Quing shoved his way between them, "We don't need anything _you _have."

Gojyo's eyes narrowed, and he snarled a little, "I'm not offering anything to _you_ dumb shit."

"So why don't you back off?"

"Look, pussy, you're the one interrupting _me_. Get lost."

"Make me."

I thought it was strange that timid, little Quing was standing up to anyone so much taller and leaner than he was, wondered for the first time what his exact motives for always hanging around Liling were.

"Don't tempt me, kitty cat." Gojyo looked more than ready to take the first swing, and after some of the crazy things I'd seen him do, I didn't doubt he'd take it.

"Now, now." I said automatically, "There's no need for violence. I think we can all be friends."

Quing glanced at me, even while Gojyo was still staring him down, "You know this whore, Hakkai?"

"Whore?" Gojyo snapped. "I was offering the lady the time of her life for free."

The blush on Liling's face deepened, and Quing looked that much angrier, confirming my suspicions, but I knew I needed to neutralize the situation as quickly as possible, rested my arm on Gojyo's shoulder, much like he usually did to me.

"That's rather rude, Quing. I think you ought to apologize."

"That's right, _queef._ Apologize, and I might not turn your face to pulp." Gojyo relaxed a little, slinging his arm around my neck casually.

Finally, Quing seemed uncertain. "You actually know this guy, Hakkai?"

"As a matter of fact, we're old friends."

I saw Gojyo stick his tongue out at Quing out of the corner of my eye, nudged him for it.

Quing was anything but happy as he muttered, "Sorry. I didn't realize…"

"No harm, no foul." Gojyo said good-naturedly, startling me with how willing he was to drop it, especially when I could clearly see the contempt in his eyes.

Liling giggled nervously. "It's nice to meet you…"

"Gojyo." He grinned at her again. "The pleasure's all mine, sweet heart."

"I'm glad to see Hakkai has a friend _somewhere_. It seems like he's always by himself."

"What?" Gojyo turned his full attention on me again, "You don't have other friends?"

"Er. Well, I…that is. You know how dedicated to school I am." I didn't like feeling put on the spot like that, and it was embarrassing that he thought anything of it to begin with. I suppose I had just assumed he realized that I was relatively friendless, but then again, I had never told him.

"Man, you know what they say about all work and no play."

"It makes jack a dull boy…"

"Nah. It'll kill ya'."

I laughed, "Oh, I'm afraid I learned that one differently."

Liling and Quing both looked stunned. "You're laughing…" Quing murmured vaguely.

"Am I? You must excuse me. It's not often I hear a joke I like."

"It wasn't a joke." Gojyo said immediately. "It's totally true. I knew this guy—real bad case of workaholism, completely co-dependent—dead by twenty-two. It was sad."

I shook my head, "Well, at least you're in no danger."

He scowled at me, but it wasn't very sincere, and I knew he was just playing along, "Oy. What's that supposed to mean?"

"Only that you'll have to find a more creative way to die, I suppose. Lung cancer. Or perhaps, liver failure."

"Anything sounds better than dying face down in an open book."

"Now you're just being silly: I know full-well you don't even own a book, and those sordid magazines that serve as reading material at your apartment don't count."

"Don't knock my magazines; they've got some good shit in them."

"Oh, but they exercise other muscles than your brain, don't they?"

"What do _you _know?" He shoved my head down suddenly, ruffling my hair, and I laughed some more.

"This is weird…" Liling commented out of nowhere. I'd all but forgotten the two of them were standing there.

"Right? It's like a whole different side of Hakkai." Quing didn't sound so much amused as he did disapproving.

"Don't mind us." I advised them. "We're always trying to improve each other through constructive criticism is all. Some of us have more room for improvement than others, of course."

Gojyo let go of me and went back to smoking peacefully, "You'll get there one day, buddy. We can't all be damn-near perfect."

"I would be terrified to spend so much as one second in your twisted, little world."

"Yeah, I'm not exactly begging to walk around in your shoes either. "

"Then shall we agree to disagree and call it a day?"

"As long as you come downtown with me."

"Oh." I frowned, "Yes, but Liling and Quing-"

"Hell, bring 'em along. It's no big deal."

It wasn't a big deal to him, but I minded very much, seeing how I couldn't guarantee that Quing and Liling would keep their mouths shut about where we went and what we saw there, and also because, I didn't want to get them in trouble, and Quing seemed reluctant to go too, made up a couple shabby excuses before Liling interjected, enthusiastic as always, to go some place new, and then of course, he was willing. I decided there was no help for it, and we all followed Gojyo downtown.

Along the way, he joked more with me, and laughed, and seemed to be in high spirits, regardless of the difficulties we'd experienced while getting the Goddess's Ring. It made me wonder, as I often did, if he honestly let things go that easily, or if he was just good at hiding his real feelings.

I also wondered where we might be going and who he knew that wanted to meet me, seeing how bringing Quing and Liling was inconsequential.

We walked almost all the way back to his apartment, and I noticed Quing and Liling becoming more and more nervous every step of the way, keeping close together and glancing around for danger. It got bad enough that Gojyo eventually started walking beside Liling, telling her there was nothing to be scared of, and proceeded to flirt with her, shamelessly.

Quing was infuriated by the sight, I could tell, but he kept his mouth shut. He must have sensed that, because they weren't dating or anything, he had no right to object. Or perhaps he'd realized that Gojyo could easily take him in a fight. Quing might have been older, and heavier, but he wasn't muscular or athletic by any means, and Gojyo was the very definition of scrappy.

When we were just a few blocks from Gojyo's apartment, we took a surprise right turn, down a dank, little alley way, through what almost seemed to be a market, where the vendors were selling stolen goods, drugs, imitation antiques, and weapons, and the area was littered with prostitutes of both sexes.

One man stopped Gojyo, smiling, and they bantered and laughed for a time before he attempted to sell Gojyo _something._ Drugs, I think. I looked on nervously until, to my relief, Gojyo answered, "Nah, not today." Then we were on our way again, three blocks up, one more block over, where Gojyo walked through a door in the wall, leading to an unmarked tavern that could be easily missed unless you already knew it existed.

The three of us entered a bit more cautiously, but I relaxed at once. It wasn't as seamy as I had expected it to be. Granted, it was a bit tattered, and filled with cigarette smoke, but it was mostly empty; the piano music playing in the background, the pocked, hard wood floors, the dusty, crystal chandeliers, and the faded, red wallpaper, all indicated that, at one time, this may have been a place of class.

"Come on in." Gojyo waved us forward, gave me an especially cheeky grin, "Not too bad, huh, 'Kai?"

"I must admit, you had me worried."

"You know how much I hate worrying you." He had his arm hooked over my shoulder again, guiding me toward the bar.

The other two followed us, whispering.

The bar was unattended, as best I could tell, which came as no surprise, since there were only a handful of patrons, quietly sipping beer and playing cards, but Gojyo knocked harshly on the polished top of the bar, calling, "Yo, Tai! It's your favorite customer!"

A moment passed, and then a woman came in from the back room. She was very striking: a youkai woman, in her late twenties, I thought, with the height and muscular build of a young man, though with the trim waist and broad hips and bust of a full-grown woman. Her face was lovely, with large, soft, kind eyes, and full, red lips. Still, she looked tough, and running a bar in this part of town, I had no doubt that she was.

"Oh, it's _you_. I thought someone said my favorite customer came in."

Gojyo smiled at her, folding his arms across the bar, "Hey-ya, Mama. The usual."

In spite of his flippant tone, and the obnoxious grin he was giving her, I detected something else in his eyes. At first, I thought he might be completely smitten with her, but upon further inspection, decided that was not the case. He wasn't looking at her as if she were any sort of lover, and from the way she looked back at him, I got the impression they'd never had sex, and they never would. In her eyes, he was just a little boy, far from home. In his, she was a guide, a friend, and a mother.

_But._ I thought at once, _That is not something he necessarily sees himself._

Tai leaned over the bar to sweep the hat off his head, leaving his hair disheveled, then, with a faint chuckle, smoothed it for him, "I haven't seen you in such a long time, I started thinking you grew some brains and got out of this worthless town."

"Oh, c'mon. I'd never leave without saying goodbye to you."

"Well, I'm touched. But it still might have been better if you had." Tai surveyed the rest of us, "What's with this field trip you brought in here? I can't even sell them anything." Even as she spoke, she was getting him a beer. I suppose she had no more reservations about serving him alcohol than the last bartender I'd met had.

"Charge 'em for water, or Coke or something."

"I'll have some water." I interjected at once. "As long as I'm not being charged for it, that is."

Tai's eyes settled on mine for a time, "This one has some guts at least. Your name wouldn't be Hakkai by any chance, would it?"

"Um." I glanced at Gojyo, who happened to look away as soon as I did, "Yes, I'm afraid so. Cho Hakkai, at your service." I offered my hand to her.

She smiled slowly as she shook it, "You're different than I pictured."

"I beg your pardon?"

"I'm sure you've seen some of the scumbags this one tends to choose for friends."

I smiled at Gojyo, "Oh, but I thought Mr. Banri was such a fine, upstanding young man."

He just snorted, "Banri."

Releasing my hand, she turned to Gojyo as well, words suddenly becoming weighty and somber, "Well, he is one of the better ones, isn't he, Honey?" I didn't detect even the slightest hint that it might be a joke.

He looked back at her, like he was trying to decide on what he should say. Maybe he didn't like that she'd said something like that in front of me.

Before either of us could comment though, Tai said, "Anyway, I'm glad you came. I've been wanting to meet you."

"Ah. Is that so? I'm flattered. I hadn't realized he's been talking about me."

"I just mentioned you like _once_." He said suddenly.

His face looked a little red, so I laughed at him, "Well, is there something wrong with that?"

"NO. But she makes it sound like I go on and on about you, or some gay thing."

Tai laughed at him as well, and then she said suddenly, "Hakkai-kun. Would you mind helping me in the storage room? I have a few things to move, and I could use a little help with the heavy lifting."

I was surprised, partly because she looked strong enough that anything she couldn't life I probably couldn't either, and partly because I thought it was a request she should have made of Gojyo, but I stammered, "Oh, yes, of course."

"_I_ coulda' helped you, Tai." Gojyo frowned.

She patted his cheek lightly, "Enjoy your drink, baby." Then she led the way into the back room, hands on her hips.

I looked at Gojyo, but he just shrugged at me, turned his attention to the beer, and I slipped away after her.

"Wait. Hakkai!" Quing called after me, "You can't just leave us here."

"I'll be right back." I answered, with a reassuring smile. "In the meantime, you can all get better acquainted."

The storage room was small and dank, the walls made of old stone, but there was a bright light, and everything was organized and clean, the floor seemingly newly swept. Tai was already grabbing up cases of alcohol and setting them on a dolly, not appearing to need any help whatsoever, but when I came in, she looked up and smiled at me, tucking a lock of hair that had fallen loose behind her ear, "Bring that stack of boxes beside you here, won't you?"

I turned to find the stack she was referring to, began transferring them onto the dolly as well.

"You know, Hakkai-kun, even if Gojyo denies it, he really does talk about you a lot—of course, he tells me more than he tells most people, …well, not that he tells me _everything_—I know him well enough to be able to tell he really likes you."

I hesitated to look over my shoulder, through the door, at Gojyo, but he was occupied with flirting with Liling again, not paying any attention to us.

"Still, Gojyo has a way of making the wrong kind of friends. I wasn't sure what to expect, and I guess _that's_ why I wanted to meet you. The kid talks like you're so much different from everyone we know, I couldn't quite believe it."

Now I wondered what exactly Gojyo said about me, though I suppose I could infer, especially if the way Banri had talked to him on the two occasions I'd encountered him was typical, and he was still 'one of the better ones'.

"I can see it though. When I look at you, I know he's right. You are different from Banri and Dasha and the others. You're a good person."

"I'm not sure if _that's_ necessarily true, Miss Tai." I thought of the day I'd killed the man in Ying, barely suppressing a shudder.

Tai stood up suddenly, fixing both of her sweet amethyst eyes on me, "You know, don't you? Gojyo's a child of taboo."

"I'm aware, and we've already dealt with any…controversy…"

She looked hard at me, and I detected protectiveness in that gaze, so I added,

"I don't care in the least."

Tai's face switched to relief suddenly, "I'm glad. I hadn't quite decided what I was going to do if I found out you were tricking him or taking advantage of him, but I told myself I couldn't ignore it, if it was that way.

"For the most part, where some of the others are concerned—not Banri necessarily—there's nothing I can do. In many ways, there's nothing anyone can do for Gojyo, and I know he knows that. I feel like a lowdown bitch having to stand by and watch him go through so much prejudice, but I know that if I get involved too much, I could make everything worse. So I'm here for him the best I can be, when he lets himself be weak enough to admit he might need someone to go to, and there's nothing else I can do."

"Then the reason you wanted to meet me is to make sure I'm trustworthy?"

Perhaps it sounded like an accusation, even when I didn't mean for it to, and then Tai's voice became hushed, "Not everyone is as kind to Gojyo as you've been. Most of the people in this town treat him like shit, whether it's because he's a hanyou, or because he's a gutterpunk, or because of the way he lives his life."

I thought of the things Banri had said to him the night I was at their apartment, and of the woman who'd stopped to talk to him at the restaurant, the day we first met, and I had to ask, because I knew I could never ask him to his face, "Gojyo's not really a prostitute, is he?"

Tai wrinkled her nose, "I don't think so. That's the popular rumor, but I think it generated because he sleeps around enough to be one."

It felt like a somewhat inexact answer, but it did put me a little more at easy.

She came to my side suddenly, eyes a little wider than before, clenching my hand between hers, and I noticed that she had a firm, masculine grip as well. "Tell me, Hakkai-kun. Do you care for Gojyo?"

"Care for him? I'm not sure I understand…" I thought she may have interpreted my question wrongly.

"You care about him? The way he cares about you? The way he talks about you, always 'Hakkai this' and 'Hakkai that', I know you mean a lot to him; he looks up to you, and he trusts you, and meeting you, I can't help but feel that you must feel that way toward him too."

Again, I couldn't help looking over my shoulder at Gojyo, and this time I watched him a long while. He was bickering with Quing, his arm draped over Liling's neck. The same rude, naïve, immature person who'd been holding a wealthy man at gunpoint just a few weeks ago. How had I gotten involved in any of this?

_…bound together by the ties of another lifetime…_

I still didn't know what that meant exactly, but I thought I was beginning to understand, just a little. I thought of the conversation we'd had on his birthday and how determined I'd been to make him believe me, and how much it meant to me, what he thought in the end. I'd fought so hard to get him to listen to me.

"Yes." I said at last. "I do."

Tai looked earnestly into my eyes, "Listen, I know you're just a human, and on top of it, you're just a kid, like him. But, I want to ask a favor of you, Hakkai-kun."

This was beginning to confuse me a bit.

"What favor?"

"Help him. Whatever you can do…" She shook her head, suddenly, like she hardly knew what she was saying herself, "I don't know what you _can _do, I guess. But… Gojyo is gambling in a game with higher stakes than he realizes, playing with card sharks, and he doesn't even know it."

"Yes, I've noticed that."

"He won't listen to me, no matter what I say, no matter how much I mean to him, he's too stubborn; but I think he'll listen to you. If the two of you honestly care for each other the way you say you do, then he trusts you, and if you tell him you think he should do something, for his own good, I believe he'll do it."

"I…don't necessarily agree—he's absurdly stubborn—but in case you're right, what is it you want me to tell him?"

Tai's eyes grew dark, and her mouth twisted in an angry frown, and she looked suddenly fierce. I thought her very beautiful for it. "Tell him to stop fucking around with Dasha before it costs him his life. He needs to get as far from this place as he can go."

It was a frightening message, and her expression and frantic voice made it that much more ominous. I was still a moment, and then I leaned forward, practically whispering, "This Dasha person…who in the world is he, and what does he want?"

Tai shook her head again, in an agitated, alarmed manner, "Of all the people in this town, he is the one man who you do not want to mess with. He runs his operation like a small-timer, but he has more thugs at his disposal than anyone realizes. He has a lot of wealth and power, and he runs everything on the black side of this city: the drugs, the weapon dealings, most of the saloons, all the casinos, all the whore houses, and most of the prostitutes. You'd be hard-pressed to walk through the slums and not find someone who wasn't wrapped around Dasha's finger some way or other.

"But the worst part is, Dasha is twisted and psychotic. He's violent, sporadic, and unfeeling. He'll kill you for looking at him wrong, and if you make him angry—if you really do something to upset him—you'll disappear into the darkness of his horrible, little world, and never come out."

She looked away, sadly, "I had a sister who got involved with Dasha. Some said she was his mistress, others that she was just his favorite whore—I never found out the real truth—but either way, she was in the thick of his mess, and when she found a good man who she honestly loved and tried to get away from Dasha, she and her boyfriend both disappeared. I hope for their sakes that they're both dead, Hakkai-kun."

Her voice chilled me, and I shuddered, "Why is Gojyo working for such a man?"

"I'm not sure. It was Banri's idea, he says. But that doesn't matter. What matters is, if he keeps doing what he's doing, and he gets in too deep—if he winds up owing Dasha a lot of money, or, God forbid, a _favor_—he'll disappear too, and I'm terrified of what might happen to a hanyou when no one is watching."

I was too, now that I thought of it, considered the photo I'd found in the school library. _That_ heinous crime against a hanyou had been documented, so what might have gone on before the camera captured that gruesome image?

At last, I laid my free hand over hers, "Don't worry. Nothing's going to happen to Gojyo: I won't let it."

What a stupid promise. I knew it was absurd, even as I said it, because I was only sixteen myself, and a human to boot. What could I do?

Tai knew too, because she smiled contritely.

No matter. "I'll get him out of here. I'll help him finish this ridiculous assignment he has, and then…"

If I had to give him money, or tie him up and throw him in the trunk of a car, I would make it happen.

The only thing I was afraid of was, I wouldn't be able to abandon my full-ride scholarship, drop out of the university, and go with him. I might never see him again.

Tai touched my cheek, speaking reverently, "He's right. You are different."

To that, I could only chuckle a little. "Oh, but really, I'm lucky to have met him."

Tai's eyes flickered a little, "He's so-"

"Hey, what're you guy's doin' in here?" Gojyo stuck his head through the doorway, "Makin' out?"

I was startled, turned around quickly but managed to keep a cool tone, "Don't be ridiculous. Tai's at least ten years older than I am."

"Oh, yeah, you care about that. So what's takin' so long?"

Tai went back to gathering the cases onto the dolly, "Don't be so nosey, kiddo. We were just having a conversation."

Gojyo looked at me, like he expected a different answer.

"We really were just having a conversation." I said with forced levity, and all the frightening things Tai had told me were sitting in the bottom of my stomach like a pile of rocks.

_Twisted. Psychotic…_

I didn't want…

He watched me a moment. "Well, your friend is whining about wanting to leave. He's driving me fuckin' crazy."

"I see. Perhaps we should go then. Miss Tai?"

She smiled at me, the worry hidden behind kindness and gentleness once again, "Of course. Get out of here."

I bowed a little, "It was a pleasure to meet you."

"Yes, it was good meeting you too. Come back some time."

"I certainly will."

Quing and Liling seemed more than happy to get out of the bar and be on our way back to Cheng. I got the feeling that the day's events had made them more nervous than they were letting on, and it bothered me that I still didn't know what they would do, knowing what they knew now. They walked ahead of us, talking, about what, I decided I'd rather not know. Gojyo trailed along with me a while, but when we got near his apartment suddenly announced that he'd be going home.

I rested my hand on his shoulder before he could run off, requesting quietly that he walk a little further with me.

He shrugged, dug out a cigarette, and we kept going.

I lowered my voice so the others wouldn't hear us, "Tai seemed to think you should leave town soon."

"She always thinks that."

"And why do you suppose that is?"

Gojyo gave me a questioning look, but I continued facing straight ahead.

"I don't know. She doesn't think I can take care of myself, I guess."

"I'm not sure that's it, Gojyo."

"Well, why do _you_ suppose that is?"

"I'm not sure. It could be that you're in more trouble than you realize. Or than you let on to."

"What are you talking about? What did Tai say to you?"

"She's concerned for you is all. She thinks you're playing a game that's much more dangerous than you think it is, and that perhaps the stakes are higher than you've anticipated."

A dark, cloudiness filled his eyes, and he almost seemed to glare, but he continued walking and smoking, not saying a word.

I stopped him abruptly, turning to look deep into his eyes, "I think you need to get away from Dasha. Maybe Banri as well, I don't know enough about the situation to say for sure. Either way, I've seen and heard enough to know that this is not a safe place for you."

"What do you know about it, Hakkai? Who are you to come along—I've lived here for two years, I've known you for a few months—what gives you the right to just show up in my life and start telling me what I need to do?"

"Don't be angry." I said quickly, softly, "You're not an idiot, so I know you realize what I'm saying is true."

"I can't just leave. How many times do I have to say it before everyone gets it? I can't go home, pack up my shit and take off. It isn't that simple. If there's any way to get Dasha all kinds of pissed off that would be exactly it: leaving in the middle of this stupid, little project he gave me."

"Naturally, I assumed that. Which is why I think we need to find the Ruby Dagger as quickly as possible, and _then_…"

He waited a moment, "Then what?"

"I…just thought perhaps you could use the carte blanche you have coming to you to get away from him."

Gojyo stared, disbelievingly, "You think I'd waste my blank check on _that_?"

"It's not a waste if it saves your life."

"I have other shit I need it for."

"Oh, what? Money? Women? Whatever mindless, childish prize you've fixed your eyes on, I don't think it could possibly be even half as important as you getting away from that man."

Gojyo bared his teeth at me, something I hadn't seen since the day we'd first met, and it made him look all the more youkai, "Mind your own fucking business, 'cause you don't know shit about Dasha, or my carte blanche, or the 'mindless, childish prize' I'm after, you got that?"

"Don't. Be angry." I repeated calmly. I was beginning to feel a bit flustered, but I refused to argue with him this time. It was possible Tai was right. I might be able to reason with Gojyo, if I kept my composure. "You're right, I don't know very much about the situation, but I know enough."

"Who do you think you are, Hakkai? You can't just order me around."

"I'm not ordering you around. I'm trying to help you."

"You-"

"Gojyo. I will be at Cheng for the next two years, after that, having graduated with my degree in theology, I'll be able to spend my life as I see fit. I'll only be eighteen years old. In ten years, I plan to have a good job, with stable income, perhaps have some traveling under my belt, and I assume I'll be looking to start a family, assuming I find someone to love me. That's what we call a plan."

I looked at him carefully, "Where do you think you'll be in ten years?"

Gojyo snorted, blowing a violent puff of smoke from his nose, "No idea. I'm not a 'plan it out' kinda' guy—I'm just…here. And before you say it, it's impossible for me to go out and make something of myself: I don't have the whole world at my fingertips like some people do." He said the last part quietly enough that I knew he wasn't trying to insult me.

I rested my hands on his shoulders, "All right, so you're just here. What, may I ask, is so wrong with being here? You still want to be here in ten years, don't you?"

He didn't answer, just gave me this slightly hopeless look.

"You don't want to die."

"No…I don't."

"Then you have to get out of this town. Don't you think?"

Gojyo said nothing.

I tightened my grip on his shoulders, "Be honest with me, Gojyo. Do you really think you can continue skating by this way, playing with this fire? If you stay in this town, do you honestly think you'll be alive in ten years? If you are, and you stay here, what kind of life do you expect to be living? Or should I believe you're completely stupid and haven't considered any of this at all?"

"I…" He raked the hair away from his face, "You're right, okay? I know you're right. I gotta' get out of here. I just can't yet. And I can't use my carte blanche to do it. I need it for something else."

"Well, that's some progress at least. So stop messing around with Dasha, find that dagger, and get as far from here as you can."

He nodded slowly.

With a slight smile, I gently, affectionately slapped the side of his face. "Let me know when you find out where it is—I'll go with you."

"'Kay."

Considering his dismal tone, I studied his face, saw the frown and the cloudiness still in his eyes, "Hey."

"Hm?"

"I have your back, dude."

That brought a vague smile to his lips, but the mirth didn't touch his eyes. "I know."

"We are going to figure this out. Together. _I_ promise."


	8. Chapter 8

**8.**

I'm just a painting that's still wet  
If you touch me I'll be smeared

You'll be Stained

* * *

**Gojyo**

That frickin' Tai. What was she thinking, getting Hakkai all involved in my life and freaking him out like that?

I couldn't believe she'd do that, and if I had known that's what she wanted to meet him for, I wouldn't have brought him along.

They had gone in the store room, and I'd known they were going to start talking about me, even if I didn't know exactly what they were going to say, and it was really frustrating to sit there and pretend I didn't know what was going on, and try to talk to Hakkai's dipshit, preppy friends while the two of them went on about my life in the other room.

_They're just worried about you._ I told myself.

I knew they had every reason to be worried about me, so I guess the thing that really pissed me off was that they both kept acting like I was too naïve to realize what was happening to me, when, in actuality, I knew more about the situation than either of them.

Dasha wanted me to get the stuff: I didn't know why, but it couldn't be for anything

good, since, obviously, the things he wanted weren't normal. If I got it all for him, I had no idea what was going to happen. On one hand, I might be reunited with my brother, on the other hand, I might get myself killed. Or something, really, really bad was going to happen, and it was going to be my fault. If I didn't bring it to him, if I just decided to run away, like Hakkai and Tai wanted me to, Dasha would hunt me down, it wouldn't be hard for him to find me, and he'd either kill or enslave me, and once you were Dasha's slave, you spent the rest of your life wishing he'd just killed you.

He had enough connections that, no matter where I went, he'd be able to bring me back.

As for getting out of this town, even if I brought the dagger to Dasha, leaving wasn't as simple as stuffing all my crap in a bag and walking out down the road. I was up to my neck in Dasha's shit, I had to think about Banri—whether he'd want to go, whether I'd want to part ways with him, on and on—and I had to think about money. I didn't have the money to move right now, and I didn't have anywhere to go. Was I just supposed to wander away and hope I found a town that would accept me? How naïve would that be?

Hakkai was right though. I didn't want to be here in ten years. I did want to get out of here, and if I wanted to live any kind of normal life, I'd have to leave, eventually.

At least if I found the dagger, and if Dasha found Jien for me, I'd have someone to go with. I'd have my brother again. The obvious answer to my personal problems was just to finish the job and hope for the best.

But that asshole Wu was complicating everything. I was walking around with a two-hundred-million yen reward on my head, wanted posters of me were everywhere, and I couldn't help thinking Wu was just fucking with me, because he was rich enough that, if he wanted to reach down and snatch up a pathetic, little gutter slut like me, there was no way he couldn't do it. It would be the easiest thing in the world to pay off a few people, find out where I lived, go to my apartment, pay off my greedy, asshole room mate, and drag me away.

The straits were as dire as they could be, I'd been all over this city, and the surrounding cities, trying to find out about the Ruby Dagger, hadn't found a damn clue, I was wound tight enough to snap, and my only allies were an underage college student and a bar maid.

And they thought I didn't know how much trouble I was in.

It made me really want to just smack them both and ask how stupid they thought I was, but again, I knew they were worried, and it was a nice change of pace, having people worry and care about me.

When my apartment was in sight, I stopped, hanging out by the corner, watching the place for a couple minutes. It looked normal enough—nobody scary standing in front of the door—there was no way to tell if anybody was inside, but I just had to hope that no one was.

I still couldn't figure out why old man Wu hadn't shown up here yet. I thought he'd be there the same night I got the Goddess's Ring. I really expected to go home from seeing Dasha and find the asshole staking out my place, but he'd never come. I'd be stupid to think he never would. He wanted his shitty necklace back bad enough, and I was his only link to it, so eventually, he'd come knocking on my door, and this time, I wouldn't have the ring to protect me.

_I just want all this garbage to be over._ I thought, exhaustedly, made my way up to the door and let myself in. I stopped cold in the living room, staring around in disbelief.

The apartment was trashed.

Everything was torn apart and busted, my cot was overturned, the bedding strewn across the room, broken glass scattered on the floor, playing cards everywhere, the table was on its side, the ashtray had fallen and broken, leaving ashes and cigarette butts everywhere, half-empty beer cans had been kicked around, the place reeked like beer, and the window above my bed was smashed. In the kitchen I could see that the garbage can had been knocked over, the trash was all over the floor, and there were even more broken dishes. All the cupboards looked like they'd been opened, everything inside ripped out and dropped, because obviously, whoever did this, didn't care if I had a plate to eat off of or not.

Banri was sitting there. He'd picked up just one of the three chairs that had been at the table, and he was just chilling out there, reading a magazine.

"What the hell?" I yanked my sunglasses off. "What happened here?"

He barely looked up at me, "It's about time you came home."

"The apartment…who trashed it?"

"Some friends of yours came by today."

"Friends? Of mine? Who were they? What the hell did they want?"

"I have no idea who they were, but I guess you really pissed them off, buddy: they ripped through here, looking for you, and some other shit they said you have."

I threw a quick glance around the place, "They're gone now, right?"

He shrugged, "Yeah, they left a few hours ago. They might come back later. Maybe."

"Why the hell didn't you try to stop them?" I demanded angrily.

"For one thing, there were kinda' a lot of them, for another, it isn't really my problem. I don't know what you did or who you've got after you, but it's got nothing to do with me."

"Christ, I am so sick of hearing that from you. I can't believe you let somebody come here and trash our apartment looking for me, and something I don't even have in the first place, and didn't even say a word. You didn't even come find me and warn me that they might come back."

"Hey, I got an idea." Banri got up, dropping the magazine on the floor with everything else, "Why don't you stop pointing fingers at me and explain yourself? After all, this is your mess."

"Explain myself? What is there to explain? It's this job for Dasha, dumb ass. It's a really big, fucking deal."

His eyes got a little wide, "You're still not done with that? Damn, Gojyo, how many months has it been? Six?"

"Who cares?"

"Well, that answers why he's been so pissed off with you lately."

"He's pissed? Again? Why?"

"I don't know—I just know he is. Hey, I already told you, I don't wanna' be dragged into this issue of yours. The people who came looking for you today almost kicked my ass. I don't appreciate that, Goj."

"As if it's my fault. What the fuck is wrong with you anyway?"

"What is wrong with _you_, Gojyo? You need to quit dickin' around with that rich kid and wrap up this job."

"Hakkai isn't rich." I snapped, "And if he weren't helping me with this job, it would never get done."

Banri's eyes started to shine a little, and he looked at me with way too much interest, "_He's_ helping you with the job for Dasha?"

I remembered then that I wasn't supposed to have told him that, mumbled, "A little. So what?"

"And here I thought you were going soft on me, baby boy, but you _are_ using the little fucker, just like I thought."

I'd said too much already, so I kept my face shut.

Chuckling, Banri came over to me, setting an unwelcome hand on my shoulder, "So, you're almost done with this, yeah? How many things do you still have to get?"

"What the hell do you care all the sudden?"

"Just curious, I guess. So?"

"One." I answered after thinking about it a long time.

"You know where it is?"

"I don't gotta' clue."

"You'll get it figured out soon though, huh? Hey, you know something buddy." He took my sunglasses, putting them on his own face, and grinning at me, "I was looking at those wanted posters they have of you all over town. That is one helluva reward."

I shoved his hand off, "Don't even think about it, Banri."

"I'd never turn you in, but I've been thinking about it…you better hurry and get that last thing for Dasha, 'cause the longer you take, the more time you give some greedy asshole to decide bringing you in is an easy two hundred mil. Right?"

It wasn't like I hadn't already thought about that, but hearing Banri of all people say it out loud made me realize how true it was, and I could only hope he wasn't going to go out of his way to turn me in himself. "You got my back though, don't you?"

Banri grinned dangerously, "'Course I do, buddy. Somebody's gotta' keep an eye on the priciest mutt in town."

I didn't like his implications. I didn't like that I had to rely on him. I suddenly didn't like Banri at all.

"Anyway." he pounded my shoulder, "I gotta' go out for a while. Try to get this all cleaned up before I come back, okay?"

"Eat me! You want me to clean this up all by myself?"

"Like I said, man. It's your mess." He went through the door without another word, taking my sunglasses with him.

With a sigh, I slid to the floor, hanging my head, letting it rest against my knees. There was no doubt in my mind that old man Wu had been here with his men today, looking for the medallion; obviously they didn't find it, so they might not come back here, not until they decided to talk to me, I guess, which could be at any given second. I wasn't even safe in my own apartment. It made me nervous that Banri had been here when they came too. I wanted to think I could trust him, but I had already learned that I couldn't.

I had to find that dagger as quickly as I could. I wondered if Dasha had any idea where it was. Probably not, or he wouldn't have me running around collecting his stuff.

I got up again after a couple minutes, trying to decide if I was actually going to clean the place up; in the end, I thought Banri had just stood there and watched as somebody tore _his_ place apart, and it wasn't my job to clean up the mess, so I picked my bed up, dumped the pillows and blankets down there, and flopped onto my back, thinking.

There was only one thing I could come up with now that might help me find the dagger. I'd thought about it every now and then in the last few weeks, but I always decided it wasn't really worth the risk. Now though, lying there, knowing Wu and his men could come back to my apartment at any given second, or that Banri might be out there, right now, turning me in for the reward, I thought maybe it would be worth the risk.

If I could sneak into the theater and find out where Dasha was keeping the things I'd picked up already, maybe I could ask the Book of the Ancients where the dagger was. It was supposed to answer any question, right? The last time I tried asking it something, it had given me a shitty, nonsense answer, but maybe this time would be different, and I had to at least try. I didn't think Dasha would let me mess with it if I asked, so I'd have to sneak in, later.

I waited until it got dark before I headed out. I thought it would be best to have a little cover if I was planning to sneak into the theater, and if Dasha was pissed, like Banri said, I didn't want to run into him. I didn't want to see him at all until after I had the dagger.

The streets of An Jin were strangely quiet, and as I walked up to the theater, I barely saw anybody; there was this creepy stillness in the air, and I couldn't get over the feeling that someone was following me, but every time I checked over my shoulder, no one was there. Anyway, it made me walk a little faster than usual, and it didn't take long for me to get there.

Even the theater was pretty dark. I only saw a few lights on in the upper floor, and I figured most of the guys were out on the town. If Dasha was here, he'd probably just have a couple of bodyguards with him, and that was it. Lucky for me.

I went around to the emergency exit; the door and the alarm were both broken, and it was the best way to get in without being detected, but it was also old and rusted, so I had to fight with it for a couple of minutes before it finally creaked open, and then I slunk through, into the shadows. Feeling along the wall, I made my way down the corridor, careful not to stumble over the old, rotted floors or the various debris, hesitated beside the staircase to take a quick, tentative look up to the second floor. There was a light on up there, but I didn't hear any voices or creaking footsteps. The theater was usually pretty empty after the sun went down and everyone went out to get to their nightlife.

I crept forward, groping around until I found one of the side doors to the auditorium, biting my lip as the hinges whined. I stood there a moment, staring through the darkness and the creepy red light, making sure I was out of sight as I watched and listened for any sign of Dasha or his men, but the place looked empty.

Checking over both shoulders, once, I hurried up the aisle. This seemed way too good to be true: Dasha wasn't here. Unless he was the one with the lights on upstairs, there was a good chance he was out in the city; either way, he could come back at any given second, so I had to work quickly. In fact, I didn't think I could move fast enough. I practically ran to the stage, scrambled up, getting a splinter in the palm of my hand as I climbed, and crouched there for a moment, as I scanned the area. Dasha's throne was empty, the place smelled like sex and drugs, and there was definitely no one there.

This seemed like the most likely place to keep it. Not that it was especially secure or anything, but you would have to be one crazy bastard to try to rip off Dasha, 'cause if he caught you, he was going to make your life hell on earth.

On the far side of the stage, I spotted a table, half-hidden by the curtain separating backstage from front, and the enchanted flower was there, swaying melodiously as always.

I couldn't help grinning confidently, "Bingo." Crossed to it quickly, shoving the curtain aside to take a closer look. Sure enough, everything was just sitting there, any dumb idiot bum could wander in and take whatever he liked, but I knew that if I so much as left one thing out of place, Dasha was going to cut my hands off.

There were a few other things scattered on the table too. They looked like human teeth, and there was a ball gag sitting there with them.

Swallowing down the uneasiness, I went for the book. The medallion, the ring and the flower were all sitting on top of it, so I had to move them, and then I flipped the book open, going through a few pages, wondering half-heartedly if the answers to the questions stayed there, but it didn't look like it. Maybe they disappeared every time you closed it or something.

Whatever, there wasn't time to think about that. Dasha could come back any second now and gut me for being in his twisted, little bedroom.

For no reason, I leaned close to the book, whispering, half-scared my voice was going to echo through the auditorium and bring everyone running, and then maybe I'd find out why Dasha had a collection of bicuspids sitting on his desk.

"Where's the Ruby Dagger?"

There was nothing. I knew from the last time I did this that it took a second, but my heart started beating like crazy anyway, and I swiped sweat off my forehead.

Finally, the script appeared, and this time there were pictures too, spreading across the page like someone had spilled a bunch of different colors of ink. I saw craggy, snowy mountains—they looked like they might be the mountains just north of here—there was Mt. He-Ping, the tallest peak in the range, I recognized it even though I'd only seen it from a distance. The book showed me a cave that looked deep and dark, nestled at the top of Mt. He-Ping. The words came along a little more slowly, like I was waiting for someone to write them out.

"C'mon, c'mon." I shuddered. Damn, Dasha's room was cold. I wondered if it bothered him or not.

The words were still a little fuzzy. They were clearing up, coming into focus. I read them out loud, "Look to the north…walk toward the heavens…"

I had to wait for the words to catch up. Why was it taking so long? It didn't take this long last time, did it?

_I wasn't in a rush last time._

I thought I heard something behind me, spun around, barely biting back a startled shout, but no one was there, and then I felt like a paranoid, little idiot.

"…if you climb to the stars, and fall into the earth, where the serpent's flame burns, you will find your treasure…What the fuck's with all the goddamn poetry? You can't just gime' a straight answer?"

I thought it was finished, but more words started to appear, and a new picture was taking shape, more slowly than ever, I thought.

"Beware…the god of ice…"

I watched, entranced, as red ink swirled over the paper, slowly forming a long, serpentine figure. Splashes of green appeared. They looked almost like wings…

The final words were scrawled there now. I started to read them, but my eye was suddenly drawn to something else. There was a thin stack of papers under the book. They looked super old, all yellowed and crinkled with tattered edges. I pushed the book aside to look at them. The one on top was some kind of chart, with diagrams of planets and stars, under it were crude drawings of all the items I'd been collecting: the medallion, the ring, the flower, it was all there. Some ancient-looking writing was all over the bottom half of the scroll, but it wasn't any language I knew. I picked it up for a closer look, saw that someone had paper clipped a note to it. Five Hallmarks. Alignment. Sacrifice.

The next page was an old-ass painting, a little chipped and frayed. It had a youkai woman standing on a hill, and above her, the clouds were opening, light coming through and shining on her. She was holding a human baby up by one leg, and in the other hand she had a long, red knife. It looked like she was going to…

_Sacrifice._

I folded up the chart and stuffed it in my hoodie. Maybe Hakkai could read what it said.

I turned back to see what the book had finally come up with.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" A horribly cold, cruel voice came from behind me. It was calm, but full of fury.

I slammed the book shut out of reaction, turned to face him, "Dasha."

He was coming across the stage, toward me. His main bodyguard dudes were right behind him, and I saw the long, sparkling knife on his hip. My mouth went dry.

"Hey, man."

Dasha came right at me, grabbed me by the arm and threw me to the side, and I flopped over the arm of his throne, rolled off immediately, because I really did not want to be sitting in his weird-ass chair.

"What are you doing here, hanyou?" He growled, coming toward me again.

I took a step back, then another, doing my best to keep out of his arms reach, pushed the hair out of my eyes, "Nothin'. Let me explain."

"You'd better."

Nothing to do but try and be honest. "I-I was havin' trouble finding the Ruby Dagger, that's all. I thought the book could tell me…"

"You used the book?" His voice was even angrier, his eyes filled with murder, "_My_ book?"

"It's not your book." I shot back. "I stole it for you, remember?"

Dasha snarled, this animalistic sound that had the hair on the back of my neck standing up, "Hanyou. Who do you think you are to question _me_?"

"No. I'm just sayin'…I don't think it's that big a deal."

"Oh, you don't?"

He was moving in closer. It looked like he was going to beat the shit out of me.

I really didn't appreciate being intimidated, "Fuck you, Dasha. I'm just trying to find your stupid dagger, okay? Give me a break."

Finally, some recognition passed through his eyes, like he'd thought of something, and he stopped advancing on me. "You know where it is then?"

"Yeah."

He got in my face, like a striking snake, gnashing his wickedly sharp teeth just centimeters from my nose, "You should have gotten it a long time ago—you honestly expect me to trust you after it's taken you this long?"

"I thought you said there wasn't a deadline."

"I also said not to fail me, do you remember?"

"I ain't failed yet though. It's just taking some time." I dared to glare at him, couldn't help snapping, "This ain't easy, okay?"

Dasha fisted his hand in the front of my shirt, jerking me forward, lifting my feet a few inches off the ground, "I'm not an idiot, hanyou. Don't you think I know all about it? Don't you think I've heard all the rumors?"

I struggled a little, fighting to stay calm. "What rumors?"

"The wanted posters. The fact that old man Wu himself is after you. Most importantly, perhaps, is that you've been procrastinating on the job I gave you, playing around in the mountains with some human boy."

"It's none of your business what I do on the weekends—and I'm still bringing you the stuff-"

"You weren't supposed to get anyone involved. Do you understand that? I gave this task to you, and you've fucked it up so badly now, there's no guarantee it will work."

"What are you talking about? You never said I couldn't get some help."

With a disgusted snort, he threw me to the floor again, and I barely caught myself before falling on my ass.

"I didn't think I should have to tell you. I assumed you were smart enough…well, I never should have assumed _that_ I see now." He turned a furious look on me, "I suggest you stop slacking off and finish the job. As soon as possible."

"That's what I'm trying to do, psychopath. I don't get what you're all pissy about."

"I'm just so disappointed with your sloppy operation, that's all, and I don't appreciate being made a fool of by a punk-ass little boy."

"Yeah, but I'm gonna' get it, so-"

"Hold your tongue." He slapped me suddenly. "For months now, all I've heard is how you've turned the job I gave you into a game—making a mockery of the priceless items I've sent you to retrieve—after all, when I told you there was a deadline, I didn't expect you to take half a year to get it done.

"Do you want me to regret choosing you for this job?"

My face was still stinging from the slap, but I bit my tongue to keep from saying anything stupid, shook my head.

"You _do_ want the reward I've promised you, don't you? If you don't care about that anymore, you can tell me where the dagger is, and I can send someone better qualified. Someone who's going to take the job seriously. Someone who cares about the prize in the end."

"No." I said as loudly as I dared. "I got it. I'm sorry you felt like I'm not taking it seriously."

"You're sorry I _felt_ like you're not taking it seriously?"

I shrugged. No way I was re-wording my apology. He was the dumbass who'd said to take my time and have fun.

"Listen here, little hanyou." He hissed, "You are expendable, do you understand that? If you can't carry out my orders in a professional manner, then you'd better believe I'll find someone who can."

"I can do it, Dasha." I spat. "I'll have your dagger for you in two days."

"Two days?"

"Yes. I'll go tomorrow. It'll probably take me about two days to get up there and back, but I'll have it for you by midnight, in two days."

He glared down at me like he still wanted to snap me up and rip my head off, but he said calmly, "Two days. Midnight. And you had better start taking this seriously, because believe it or not, this is a very serious matter, Gojyo."

I almost asked him. I should have. I should have demanded to know what he was planning and what the things I was collecting were exactly. I should have asked about the chart in my hoodie and the freaky picture on the desk, but I couldn't push my luck, and I couldn't stand to be around him anymore. I knew if I stayed and kept talking to him, I'd say something regrettable, and he'd kill me, so I just turned and walked out as quickly as I could.

"No more slacking off, hanyou." He boomed after me. "You'd better clean up your act, because when old man Wu comes for you, I can't guarantee that I'll be able to help you."

I hesitated by the door to turn that over in my head. If Wu wanted me, I didn't think anyone could help me. Just like no one could help me if Dasha decided he wanted me dead for some reason.

I couldn't believe Hakkai and Tai thought I didn't know I was in the middle of something huge. They must have really thought I was an idiot.

_I _am_ an idiot._

I lit a cigarette, and stepped out into the night.


	9. Chapter 9

**Some of you might have noticed that my format for the chapter titles keeps changing…. Yeah. It really bugs me for some reason.**

* * *

9. Can we pretend that Airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?  
I could really use a Wish right now…

**Hakkai**

The next day, I was up early and back to class with a brand new schedule. I started with ancient literature at seven, which lasted until nine, then there was a short break before my advanced physics class.

That morning, I wasn't especially hungry, and decided to skip breakfast, mostly because my stomach had felt tight with worry ever since yesterday, and now I was doing everything possible to ignore that.

_There's only so much I can do in this situation, and worrying won't accomplish anything._

At any rate, it made eating breakfast out of the question, and so I went to the physics classroom early, thinking, if the professor was there, I'd introduce myself, and then get ahead start on reading the materials. Anything to keep from worrying about Gojyo and his ridiculous predicament.

When I entered the classroom, it was mostly empty. The boards were erased and clean, the blinds were open, letting in the fresh, morning sunlight, and there was a young woman standing at the window with her back to me.

"Excuse me, Miss." I said, stepping in, "I don't mean to intrude, but are you the professor?" Even from behind I could tell she was much too young to be the professor, but I thought I'd ask, for politeness sake.

She turned to me, and I was shocked to see emerald green eyes and a face that practically mirrored mine. She smiled, "Ah, not as such. I just happen to be here early."

I stared at her a moment, making sure what I saw was real, but I couldn't make myself speak.

She smiled a little, "You're the one they call Hakkai, aren't you?"

"Um, yes. I am. How did you know?"

"Some of my peers have told me about you." She was walking toward me, a creature of grace and beauty. A strange beacon of familiarity. I had sudden images of my mother assault my mind. "They say you've been asking about me for some time now."

"I apologize. I saw you once or twice but was never able to approach and introduce myself. I never meant to make you uncomfortable."

She laughed, "Not at all. I apologize for not making time to introduce myself to _you_, Hakkai-san."

"Yes, well, I'm sure you're quite busy."

"Not _too_ busy." She offered me her hand suddenly, "I'm Kanan by the way."

"Kanan…" That name was resounding through my brain as well. I remembered how I'd screamed it the day they took her away from me, and it made me feel dizzy. Scarcely able to believe what was happening, I took her hand, carefully, afraid she'd vanish if I touched her, lifted it to my lips without thinking about it, "It's a pleasure."

Kanan laughed again, only softer this time, "You certainly act grown up for your age, Hakkai-san."

"Ah. I get that a lot. Have you been at Cheng long, Miss Kanan?"

"Several years. I'll be graduating soon."

"And you have advanced physics this morning?"

"Oh, no. I'm close with the professor. I'm waiting here because I have a few things I'd like to discuss with him."

I tried to hide my disappointment. It would have been nice to find out I had a class with her, but then, perhaps I should just feel fortunate to have run into her at all, seeing how I'd been looking for her so long, without much success. How strange though—I'd all but given up on ever meeting her, and I'd been so busy looking for Gojyo lately, I hadn't spent much time in pursuit of my green-eyed girl.

Many things were that way though. Resign on the task of searching for some item, and it appears before your eyes.

"I see. Well, perhaps you'd like to go and get coffee some time. Or lunch, if that suits you better."

She smiled again, and something about that smile was erasing all my doubts, filling me with a kind of warmth I'd never felt before in my cold, lonely life. It had me smiling back easily, much more easily than I'd ever smiled before. I was sure my classmates would be devastated by shock if they saw it.

"I'd like that very much, Hakkai-san. Coffee in An Jin, perhaps."

"All right. Do you go to An Jin often?"

Kanan shrugged carelessly, "As often as I feel like, though I haven't been there recently. My professors have been hounding me about going there too much."

"I know just what you mean."

"Yes. I think I've seen you there several times."

"Oh? Is that so? It's a wonder I never saw _you_."

Kanan smiled politely, "I would have said something to you, but you always seemed quite occupied with another boy. That red-headed one."

"Ah, of course."

"You certainly have an interesting taste in friends." She said, and at first, I thought she might be sneering, but there was a mellowness to her voice, a sort of kindness, completely devoid of judgment. "To think, he might have gotten us together that day at the cafe, if you hadn't left."

I was startled by how perceptive and intelligent she was—not that I had expected her to be unintelligent by any means—and I was impressed. Naturally though, it would have been hard to walk into that café and not notice Gojyo's flaming, red hair and noisy demeanor immediately. She must have seen me with him, and perhaps, later, learned who I was.

"Yes, that is something." I murmured.

"Why did you leave, Hakkai-san? At the moment I'm under the impression that you've been wanting to meet with me for some time now."

"I can't say for sure. I suppose I was nervous. And I didn't want to bother you." I added as an afterthought, "I'm sorry if he did."

"Oh, it's all in the past now, isn't it? I passed my exam regardless, so it hardly matters."

I studied her intently as she spoke, noting the brightness of her eyes and the perpetual smile on her lips. As akin to me as she'd seemed from a distance, up close, I suddenly felt that I was nothing like her. She didn't appear to have the same contempt in her heart, or the bitterness in her eyes, and she seemed so content to smile. It was as if she embodied the parts of me that had died somewhere along my path through childhood, as if I were the black cast of her shadow.

_My other half…_

"I still felt bad for it. He never listens to me, you know."

"No, he didn't seem very interested in listening to me either. At any rate, Hakkai-san, I see Professor Xin coming, so I'll say goodbye now. It was good to meet you at last."

"I'm honored."

"We'll go for coffee soon." She touched my arm, briefly, walked past me, still smiling.

At once, I felt the coldness creeping in again, called after her, "How will I find you?"

But her voice was charming and serene and it made me feel warm again. "Meet me at four in the same café, this Wednesday. Will that work for you?"

"Yes." I said eagerly. "I'll make it work."

And then, with another angelic smile, she was gone, greeting Professor Xin, and I was left in a daze.

That fog of happiness and contentment followed me through the rest of the morning and into my advanced physics class. I was so distracted by it, I completely forgot to introduce myself to the professor, and I didn't get ahead on any of the required reading, I didn't worry about Gojyo or finding the dagger, and in fact, I barely heard the class's introductory lecture.

It wasn't until my class was over half-way through that I was suddenly jerked back into reality, when an office assistant came in and announced that I was to report to the main office, at once.

Only then was a sullen mood cast over my outlook. I had never been called to the office before, and I couldn't imagine what they might want, especially since it was, apparently, urgent enough to call me away from class. Could it be another uncomfortable meeting with the dean, or was it something even worse? It could be nothing at all.

I frowned all my way there, and I was feeling rather nervous when I arrived.

Gojyo met me at the door, "There you are."

"Here I am." I agreed, bewildered. "What are you doing here? Did you already forget you're not supposed to be here?"

"Stow the lectures, Mom. I've been trying to find you all fuckin' morning, and I'm not in the mood for this attitude."

He certainly didn't look like he was in the mood, I thought. He wasn't grinning for once, and there was something dark in his eyes, something frantic in his mannerisms.

"So, wanna' step outside a sec so I can talk to you?" He was already pulling me toward the building's exit, not waiting for an answer.

"Am I to understand that _you_ had me called down from class?"

"It was the only thing I could think of: you weren't in your dorm. I've been hanging around this stuffy place for hours."

"You've been here for _hours_?" I demanded, mildly horrified.

"Looking for you."

"Gojyo." I moaned, rubbing my face. We were outside now, in the fresh air and the sunshine, but I suddenly felt like I was getting a headache. "You can't do this. Don't you understand? I-"

"I don't have time to sneak around on eggshells and try not to piss everyone off, Hakkai. I had to talk to you, and I couldn't wait until you decided to come see me."

"Then, I take it you figured out where the dagger is."

"Damn straight. It's on Mt. He-Ping, in a cave—had to ask the damn book about it and everything."

At that news, I felt a wave of relief. This whole, stressful thing could be over soon, "I'm glad to hear that. When are you available to go and get it? I have class for the next couple of days, and I have something important to see to on Wednesday, but perhaps this weekend we could-"

"Right now."

I blinked at his terse, non-negotiable tone. "I'm sorry?"

"I have to go right now."

"This very second?"

"You got it. I packed up the shit we need and left it on the other side of the wall. I wanted to get started earlier, but I couldn't find you."

He sounded so unyielding, I had to take a moment to compose my thoughts, just so I wouldn't stammer through them, "I'm afraid I can't go right this second, Gojyo. I'm in the middle of a class."

His expression didn't change with realization, like I wanted it to. Rather, he looked as if he already knew that and couldn't be bothered with caring. I waited for him to say, 'my bad, dude, we'll go this weekend', but it didn't come. Instead, he blew a sharp stream of smoke into the sky, like he was trying very hard to keep his composure.

His voice was rocky when he spoke, "Well. I have to go today, whether you come with me or not."

"But climbing Mt. He-Ping and coming all the way back? That will take two days, Gojyo. Am I supposed to miss all my classes between now and then? This is the first week of my new term—I can't be missing class. I shouldn't even be out of class _now._"

"Then I'm going by myself."

"Wait a moment. I don't want you doing that."

His eyes grew hard suddenly, a subtle anger taking over his features, extremely uncharacteristic of him, "I can't wait for you, Hakkai. I can't wait for the weekend. I have to get this done. Now. If you don't want to come-"

"I _can't_ come, Gojyo."

"If you _can't_ come, then stay here, but I'm leaving."

He turned to walk away, but I grabbed his arm, "Please. Just let me think. You can't expect to show up here and have me make a decision at the drop of a hat."

"I've already wasted four hours trying to find you, I can't waste anymore time waiting around for you to make up your mind."

"I'm sorry for that. I really am. I…" I thought I should have been frustrated or angry with him for the way he was acting, but this demanding, selfish behavior was very atypical of him, and I could only guess at what it meant.

"God, Hakkai." He palmed his face suddenly, dragging both hands up over his forehead and through his hair, "I don't have time to fuck with this, do you get that? If you're not coming, fine, but I _have_ to go."

What was I supposed to do? Let him go off and possibly get killed? I'd already seen that retrieving these items usually required both of us. If he went alone, he might not be able to succeed. His failure might become my pain.

No, I'd already seen too much pain. _He'd _already seen too much pain. Not just in this endeavor, but in all our lives.

So what if I did miss class today and tomorrow? It was only the first week—I'd be able to live without the fundamental lectures. I could learn it on my own if I really had to.

I couldn't forgive myself if something happened to Gojyo, and I wasn't willing to take the risk that he might actually be able to do this on his own.

"Let me get my coat from my dorm." I sighed.

This didn't feel right. Somehow, in a way I couldn't exactly put my finger on, it felt…wrong. I suppose, like when we'd retrieved the ring, it just didn't have the same carefree, 'let's do this today' sort of air to it that the others had, and I recognized that these little errands we were making seemed to be growing more and more sinister. Gojyo seemed to be completely focused, on task, and in a hurry. He'd brought a large backpack of supplies, which I could only hope was well-equipped, not stuffed with booze and cigarettes and dirty magazines and playing cards.

Never the less, as soon as we'd picked the pack up from where he'd deposited it in a large shrub, on the outer wall of the school, we were off, heading due north-east. For a while, we walked along a small, dirt road that shot straight out through the countryside, but today there were no games of tag or I-Spy, and even the jokes and the teasing were few and far between, and I felt like we made most of our journey in silence. I tried to think of something to say, something that might lighten the mood even, but nothing occurred to me, and all I could think of was how I would be missing class today and tomorrow, and if something went wrong, I might even miss my meeting with Kanan, in which case, I would be seriously angry, having looked for her for so long and finally obtaining a casual audience with her.

Gojyo may or may not have been aware of how serious what I was giving up to go with him was, but he didn't let on one way or another.

The trip took all day, as I had expected it to. Eventually, we had to leave the road behind, and then we were just walking straight toward the mountains, and as we went, the hills became steeper and steeper. By three, we were hiking up the mountain, the peak of He-Ping towering above us. There were scattered patches of snow on the ground, but it wasn't terribly cold. Still, I wished we were a bit better prepared. I would have liked to have the comfort of knowing I had packed my own supplies, or at least of knowing what _he_ had packed. Questions kept ringing through my head, like 'is there enough food for both of us?' and 'will we be able to keep warm tonight?'

When we'd been going a while, he looked over his shoulder at me, asking, "Thirsty?"

"Oh. Yes, as a mater of fact, I am."

Then he passed me a steel canteen that was somewhat rusted and grimy, without a word, and I took a tentative sip, relieved to find that it contained somewhat metallic-tasting water. At least it wasn't alcohol.

Not long after that, we took a break beside a small, mountain stream that wasn't completely frozen over, and after inspecting the water, I decided it would be safe to refill the canteen there. We sat down on a boulder, and Gojyo dug out the food. It was meager—just some sandwiches he'd apparently thrown together in a hurry, a few granola bars, and some canned fruit.

"Sorry it ain't gourmet." He said, a little gruffly.

"Not at all. I'm impressed you had the presence of mind to bring food in the first place."

It was meant to be a joke, but he didn't laugh, and an awkward silence ensued, and prevailed, until we'd finished eating. He got up, slinging the heavy pack over his shoulder again, "Guess we should move."

"If you want, I can carry that for a while."

"Nah, it's okay. It isn't that heavy."

"You seem to be doing well enough for a chain smoker backpacking through the mountains."

"Hell. I don't got much choice."

I felt as if the statement had dual meanings, dared to comment, "You seem stressed today."

"No. I'm just in a hurry."

It came as no surprise that he wasn't going to be honest with me about what was going on behind the scenes, so we hiked on in silence.

I wondered, in passing, if he might be angry with me for some reason, but that seemed absurd. What could I have possibly done to upset him?

Regardless, the thought haunted me for the rest of the day, as we climbed higher and higher, going around and over huge boulders, climbing sheer faces of rock walls, and as the terrain became more and more difficult, I felt more and more uneasy, and for whatever reason, all the more insecure.

Around the time the sun was beginning to set, I decided to question him, "Excuse me, ah, I don't mean to pry…but are you…upset with me?"

Gojyo was busily pulling himself up onto a pile of boulders that was blocking our path, looked over his shoulder at me with wide eyes, cigarette nearly falling out of his mouth as he demanded, "What?"

"You seem angry."

"No. I'm not upset with you, Hakkai. Are you crazy? What would I have to be upset with you about?"

It should have satisfied me. It was a simple answer, albeit, but it did answer my question, but I still watched him, feeling foolish and unsure of myself, as he groped around for his next hand-hold, continuing to climb.

When I didn't say anything, he went on, "Man, are you kidding me? You're…the only person who's helped me out at all with this whole mess. How could I be pissed at you?"

That was a bit more reassuring, and I started climbing up after him, "I suppose. What about Tai?"

"Tai's…I mean, it's not like she hasn't helped me, I guess, but she really wants me to leave town—she doesn't really want to help me with Dasha's work."

"I don't care about Dasha." I told him automatically, "I don't want you falling off the face of the mountain and splattering on the jagged rocks below."

"See, that's exactly what I mean."

"Pardon?"

"Nothin'. Never mind."

When a little more silence had gone between us, I added, "I also want you to get out of town though."

He didn't answer, and we went back to being completely silent.

When we reached the top of the cliff, there was a clearing there I thought would make as good a place as any for camping, and suggested we get a fire started. Fortunately, with my knowledge of such things, and Gojyo's lighter, that proved easier than I expected, and by the time the sun disappeared, we were huddled side by side around a good-sized fire.

Gojyo produced a beer from the pack—I suppose I'd be naïve to think he hadn't brought any at all—offered it to me, "Want one? I only got a few…"

"Oh, well then I can't accept." I smiled.

Shrugging, he cracked it open.

We ate some more of the food he'd brought—jerky and canned hash this time—but it wasn't nearly enough, and we were both done in a matter of a few minutes. After that, we sat, and I looked up at the stars.

Half an hour had passed before he asked me, "Where do you expect me to go, Hakkai?"

"Excuse me?"

He was scratching at the dirt with a small, sharp stick, "You and Tai both want me to get outta' Jin so bad, but have either of you thought about where the fuck I'd go or how I'd get there?"

I stared into the fire, considered that a while, and he waited for me to answer, which made me think he actually wanted to know, and wasn't necessarily sneering at me. "I…guess I don't really know. Mr. Wu said you came from somewhere north of here."

"Yeah, but I can't go back there. I'm not interested in going back."

It would be stupid to ask if he had family anywhere, but I felt that I should cover that anyway, just in case, "Isn't there anyone…somewhere…don't you have an uncle or something some place?"

Gojyo gave me a narrow-eyed look, "_You_ got an uncle or something somewhere, Hakkai?"

"No…"

"If I had family, don't you think I'd be with them?"

"What about your brother? Don't you think you might be able to find him?"

To that, Gojyo just shook his head, and I didn't know if that meant his brother was dead, or if he just didn't think he could find him. I didn't think I should ask.

"I must admit, I have no idea where you should go…but I don't think that means you should condemn yourself to staying in An Jin, with that man, indefinitely."

"I guess I could just head south, just go for the sake of going, but that takes money—you know, rent, food, supplies, everything-I've done it before, and it's hard. I mean, I'm not saying it's _too _hard, I could do it if I had to, but I definitely prefer having a permanent address to being a wandering, little punk."

"Of course."

"I'm not scared or anything, it's just I'd rather not. I'd rather have a place to go to, if I can help it-"

I rested my hand on his arm, "Gojyo. You don't have to explain it to me; it goes without saying that uprooting now and going off by yourself would be a daunting task. I just agree with Tai in the idea that staying in An Jin is not a very good idea. Even moving a few miles to _Cheng_ would be better."

He finally looked at me, "Is that what you want me to do?"

"Not necessarily. It would be better though."

Gojyo smoked in silence for the next minute or two. "Whatever I do, I hafta' get this stupid dagger first."

"That's true at least."

"By the way…I just wanted to tell ya', I really appreciate this. It sucks you gotta' miss class and everything, but I'm glad you came."

I sat in the satisfaction of knowing he recognized that and was grateful for it, smiled more to myself than to him, "You know I wouldn't make you do this by yourself."

He was quiet a few minutes before mumbling, "Yeah… Why are you like that anyway?"

"What do you mean?"

"Nobody else gives a shit if I wander off the side of a cliff looking for this thing—not that I expect them to—so what's with you? You're really different to me, you know…"

Tai had said the same thing when I met her. It made me a bit nervous to consider how other people must treat him.

"I keep thinking about the way we met, and I get why you stepped in that day, but I dunno' about the rest. Lunch, and everything… Why did you do that?"

I turned to him, a little surprised. "I'm not sure. I wanted to, that's all. I can't exactly explain why—it's not really like me to invite random strangers to lunch."

"I know right." He grinned a little, but it was short-lived, and then he stared out into the darkness a while, "But… it isn't just _that. _You put up with so much shit from me, and you let me act however I wanna' act, and you don't seem to care what I'm like…"

I knew he wasn't necessarily talking about his personality or the way he behaved, although it was often fairy frustrating on its own.

"I don't get why. No matter what stupid thing I do, you never just walk out on me—you and Tai are the only ones who act like you give a shit what happens to me…and I don't get it."

That concept was unbelievably sad to me, and I watched him a long while, sort of wishing he'd take it back, or laugh it off suddenly, but he didn't do either, and I knew he actually thought those things. They actually bewildered him as much as he said they did, and it was startling to me just how much that bothered me. To think that he really couldn't comprehend the idea of people liking him just for the way he was… I found it somewhat heartbreaking.

"Now, now. Don't be ridiculous." I said seriously, went so far as to touch his arm, "We're friends."

"It's really that simple?" He sounded a bit disbelieving.

"Yes, it's really that simple, Gojyo. Whatever else you might think you are—whatever else you might _be_—first and foremost in my mind, you're my friend."

He didn't reply, but I saw the quiet, half-smile on his lips and knew the answer was good enough.

"Um, when you asked me if I was mad today…I didn't really know what to say. I sorta' thought you might be mad at _me_ for dragging you out of school and whatever."

"No, of course not. Believe me, it's terribly inconvenient, but it's the way it is, I suppose. We'll find the dagger tomorrow, and I'll be back in Cheng in no time."

He nodded, and the conversation seemed to be over. After a handful of minutes, Gojyo produced a worn-looking pack of playing cards, flashed it at me, "You play cards?"

"Occasionally."

"Poker?"

I smiled, "It's been a while."

That was all he needed to hear, and he began to deal out for five-card stud, and for a moment, I wondered if I should warn him, but what would be the fun in that?

I won the first hand, and Gojyo told me it was just dumb luck. When I won the second, he said it was a fluke. When I won the third, he said he was just having a bad day. After I'd won more than half a dozen hands in a row, he admitted that I was pretty good at poker. By the tenth or eleventh hand, he was exhibiting a little irritation, snorting and puffing harshly on his cigarette, frowning and glaring at his own hand, as if he could make better cards appear. He slapped down a full house with an air of triumph…and I casually laid out my royal flush. After that, he tried to bluff me into folding, but I was looking at another flush, aces high, and I sincerely doubted he was going to beat me. When I won that hand as well, Gojyo switched to a different card game. He switched games several more times before demanding, "What the _fuck_? You some kinda' sharpie? Don't you ever _lose_?"

"I apologize. I've been led to believe I'm rather good at this."

"_Good_? No, Hakkai. _I'm_ good at this. You're like a professional."

"Do you really think so? I'm flattered. Ah. It seems I have the ace of spades…again."

He tossed his cards aside and lit another cigarette, "Whatever. I give up. Hey, you ever play for money?"

"No, I'm afraid not."

Gojyo grinned, ferociously almost, "You and me should play cards in Jin some time—we'd clean up."

"Mm, well it would depend on where. I've been known to make my opponents rather angry, and I don't want to get knifed over a handful of yen."

"Yeah, yeah, somewhere safe, I swear. Play a few times, and you'll own the whole place."

"Considering the circumstances, I almost wish that could actually happen."

The smile faded, and he flopped back on the ground heavily, huffing, "Yeah. Well, who wants to own An Jin anyway? That place's such a shithole."

"You always talk as if you really hate it." I said, carefully.

"Hate's…not the right word, I guess. I don't like it, yeah, but it's where I live. If I put a lot of energy into hating it, I think I'd be miserable."

In a way, that made some sense. I reflected on the fact that he didn't seem to be miserable now, even when it appeared that his life was in considerable danger. "You're good at making the most of your circumstances."

"I gotta' be."

I suspected that was nothing less than the truth.

After a moment, I laid back as well, staring up at the beautiful stars, feeling the frosty air around me and the cold ground beneath me. We were so far from the lights of the city, the stars could be viewed clearly, and they made me feel both peaceful and regretful.

"Not everybody's like that." I mused.

"That's 'cause everybody else has it figured out." He laughed.

"Not everybody, I assure you. I would be startled to find out that there's anyone out there who has their entire life figured out."

"You don't think there's somebody who was born just knowing what they should do and how to get it done?"

"It seems highly unlikely. Not knowing is…simply part of life." Even as I spoke the words, I felt somewhat hypocritical. My path had certainly never been clear, and I had never come to terms with my own circumstances. These days, I was banking all my happiness on starting anew with Kanan.

"I wonder what it woulda' been like, you know, if I'd been born a different way. Like to some rich bastard, like old man Wu. That guy's got the whole world at his finger tips. I always wonder what that would feel like. Going anywhere, doing anything."

"That certainly explains your contempt for the upper class." I mused.

"Those people got everything, Hakkai. There's nothing they can't buy. I can't even imagine what that would be like."

"That may be true, but there are plenty of things about life that those people will never understand. I expect they'll never know true independence or courage."

He glanced at me.

"Besides, you might have noticed, there are many people who are little better than pond scum, not because of how high they sit in society, but because they're sick and unfeeling who think only of themselves and their selfish desires. I think that those who go so far as to step on the heads of the people around them in order to satisfy such desires are truly the lowest of the low.

"What's important in the end isn't necessarily _where _you come from." I thought of what Professor Hyoka had told me about being an orphan, and smiled bitterly, "The important thing is to do whatever's in your power to better yourself, and to live in a way that makes you happy."

He was silent a while, and when he answered, his voice rang with a vague hint of veneration, making me remember what Tai had said, about him looking up to me. "You always seem like you understand everything…"

"It's mostly guesswork." I turned to study his face and added, somberly, "There may only ever be a mere handful of people who can look at you without their prejudices and judgments, but they aren't the ones who matter, are they?"

Gojyo hesitated, and then nodded slowly.

Briefly, I clenched his wrist. "In the end though, I don't think anyone's opinion should matter more than your own."

Vaguely, he smirked at me. "Yeah. You're right. Anyway, let's cut the shit and sleep. We gotta' make up for lost time tomorrow."

"I agree. Er, I don't suppose you brought any sleeping bags?"

"A couple blankets were the best I could do." Sitting up again, he pulled them out and handed one to me. It smelled a little like moth balls, and it was rather dusty, but aside from that, it was clean and in good condition. I saw that the other was a bit more tattered and threadbare, jerked it away from him at once, shoving the first back at him.

Gojyo frowned at me, "Oy."

"I had the sense to wear a coat." I explained, wrapping myself in the worn, little excuse for a blanket, "So of course, I'm to be punished by using this pathetic rag to keep warm tonight."

"I already told you: I don't have a coat."

"Might you consider getting one soon? I'm a bit tired of having to be inconvenienced by the fact. And, also, not having a coat doesn't make you any less idiotic for not finding one to wear when you knew you'd be hiking through the mountains in the winter." I settled down, pulling the blanket tight around my neck, closed my eyes.

"Yeah, yeah. You're such a nag."

"I wouldn't worry about it too much—I'm likely to freeze to death during the night."

"It's all good. I'll drag your ass back from hell."

"Yes, please do."

He laid down next to me again.

I closed my eyes, and we were silent a while, endeavoring to go to sleep. When a moment or two had passed, Gojyo hissed, "Check out the shooting star, dude."

I opened my eyes, but the sky was still, and nothing stirred but my white breath in the air. "Hm. I always seem to miss those. Perhaps I ought to spend less time with my eyes shut."

He sat up one last time, head craned to stare straight up at the sky.

"What are you doing?"

It took him a moment to answer. "Mm. Nothin'."

"You're not making a wish, are you?" I teased.

"…No. That's stupid."

"I suppose it rather depends on what you wish for."

With a vague snort, he settled down next to me again, a bit closer this time, with his forehead resting against my shoulder. "It's still stupid. 'Night, 'Kai."

I scanned the sky again, already knowing what I would ask for, but nothing moved.


	10. Chapter 10

**Not to toot my own horn, by any means, but I really love this fic. It's been a lot of fun to play with the boundaries of their personalities and explore what they might have been like back when they were a touch more innocent and vulnerable. I don't think there are a lot of people reading this one, but I want to thank those of you who are. I deeply appreciate your support and your comments.**

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10.

Dreaming of Falling

In which they meet a god

**Gojyo**

Waking up on the cold, hard ground was not my favorite thing, and from the look of the sky, it was way earlier than I usually got up; more than anything, I wished I were at home, in my pathetic flat, in my own lumpy bed. At least it was warmer there, and having a pillow was always nice. I think I'd used Hakkai for a pillow for part of the night. I remembered waking up, off and on, between weird, creepy dreams, with his shoulder under my head. At the time, it hadn't meant anything to me, because I was half-asleep, and because I was used to sleeping with people, but now, in the morning, my face turned a little warm when I thought about it. I knew it was probably just because I was always sleeping with chicks, and my body probably gravitated toward whoever was next to me instinctively, but it was still kind of embarrassing. I checked around for him, but he was already gone, the space he'd laid down in the night before vacant, and I realized he'd thrown his blanket over me.

The morning, mountain air was frigid and harsh, but I sat up, adjusting my hoodie and looking for a cigarette. Our fire had gone out during the night, leaving just a handful of smoking embers. I noticed my hair was a frosted from the cold, and I shivered as I struggled to light the cigarette with numb, shaking fingers.

While I sat there smoking, I looked around for Hakkai, but he was nowhere to be seen, and then I thought about breakfast. Obviously, we'd have to eat the same crap we had yesterday, but I didn't know if there was going to be enough to go around. We might have to skip eating, which would suck: I was already starving, and if I didn't eat breakfast, I knew I'd only be that much more starving by the time we took another break.

Several minutes passed, and I was really wondering where Hakkai went. There was no way he would have left me here, but he'd been gone too long to just be taking a shit behind the nearest rock.

Just when I was thinking about getting up and looking around for him, he came through the trees behind me, smiling, and I saw that he was holding something, cradling it carefully in his hands, "Ah, you're awake. Did you sleep all right?"

For a split second, I considered the weird dreams I'd had, and the way I'd woken up over and over, and then, in the end, I just shrugged, "Yeah, I guess. Where'd you go?"

Hakkai showed me what he had, and I saw six small, off-white eggs, almost as round as marbles, "To find breakfast. They aren't very big, I'm afraid, but I thought we could each have three, and it might be just enough to get our metabolisms started."

"Cool. How're you gonna' do that?"

He was crouching down now, getting the fire started again, and I watched as he rekindled some of the embers that hadn't gone completely out, couldn't help feeling impressed.

"On a rock, of course. Unless you brought a skillet."

"Didn't think of it." I snorted, then moved a little closer to the fire that was slowly beginning to burn, watched with interest as he cracked the eggs open on a large, round stone he'd set in the middle of the fire and started to poke at them with a stick.

"How do you know how to do that?"

"I know a lot of things." He answered simply.

That reminded me…

I reached into my pocket and got out the papers I'd stolen from Dasha's desk. That was already two nights ago, I realized. I'd better have the dagger back to him before midnight. "When you get a chance, you should take a look at these."

Hakkai took the papers absently, unfolded them and studied them a while, even when he was still cooking our eggs. He didn't say anything for a few minutes, and he kept flipping between the two pages, the frown on his face growing and growing until he finally turned to me, holding them up, "Where did you get these?"

"Found 'em. Can you read what they say?"

"Found them? Where?"

"I don't know. Around. Can you read them or not?"

Hakkai looked annoyed, probably because I wasn't answering his question, but he decided to answer mine anyway, ""Unfortunately, I cannot. The look as if they're written in Arabic."

"You can't read…Arabic, or whatever?"

"I'm flattered that you thought I might be able to, but no."

"Oh." Now I felt stupid for taking them at all. Dasha would be really pissed if he ever found out I stole anything out of his room. Hopefully, he'd never figure it out.

"However, I find them disturbing, none-the-less."

"Really?" I tried not to let on that they bothered me too.

"This one appears to be an astrological chart of some sort, describing the alignment of the planets, as best I can tell. It's almost as if…they look like instructions for a ritual…"

"What kind of ritual?"

"Perhaps I'd know if I could read Arabic." He handed the papers back to me abruptly.

Could Dasha read Arabic? What kind of ritual?

_Sacrifice_…

"I'm interested in knowing where exactly you 'found' those."

"Don't worry about it." I tucked them back in my pocket, and Hakkai gave me an irritated look.

"Gojyo-"

"It doesn't matter, Hakkai."

I could see that he didn't agree, but he went back to cooking the eggs and didn't ask me anymore.

When we were finished eating, we started hiking again. I was glad Hakkai had gotten the eggs—they'd definitely taken the edge off my hunger, and we still had food left from my pack.

We climbed and climbed. Hakkai was a little chattier than normal, but I figured he was making up for the fact that I was barely talking at all, tried to make conversation with him as much I could, but I was distracted.

I was getting down to the wire with this thing, and as much as I wanted to think that coming back with the dagger—whether it was by midnight tonight or not—would get Dasha off my back, I just wasn't sure. Something was bothering me. Actually, a lot of things were. Like the charts Hakkai couldn't read, and the painting on Dasha's desk, and the fact that he was getting all this magical shit together in the first place. What was really, really bothering me suddenly, was that I didn't know why Dasha sent me to do this in the first place. He acted like it was really important, even though he hadn't said anything about it being important before, so why was I the guy he'd picked for the job.

His words kept ringing through my head, _"Listen, little hanyou. You are expendable, do you understand that?"_

No one looked down on me for being a hanyou the way Dasha did. Why did he suddenly want to give me an important job and offer me the thing I wanted the most?

Expendable…

Of course I knew that. As much as I wanted to believe what Hakkai had told me last night, I just couldn't help feeling like he might be wrong. Just because I thought I was worth it didn't mean everyone else was going to treat me with respect.

I glanced over at Hakkai. He was babbling away about something I wasn't paying attention to, and I couldn't help wondering, _again_, what it was with this guy treating me like I was an equal. Did he just not get it?

Hakkai was way too smart to not get something so simple, so that meant he wasn't lying when he said he didn't care. Or else he was fucking with me. But I was thinking that was more and more impossible as time went on.

He'd said it last night, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. _We're friends._

"I've been thinking, Gojyo." Hakkai said, and for some reason, that got my attention, "About the wanted posters."

I groaned, "What about them?"

"I hardly noticed when I looked at the one you had, but it's occurred to me since then that I'm listed as your accomplice… in so many words."

A pang of guilt struck me, and I couldn't answer. I hated that I'd put his whole life at risk over this crap, and I wished I'd just left him out of it.

_It's just that…at the time, it didn't matter to me what happened to him._

_ That's not true, you asshole. It's just that you didn't want to do it by yourself._

I had wanted him to go with me. Particularly him. _Especially _him. And why?

_Because we're friends._

How stupid. I wondered if he even knew what kind of danger I'd put him in, outside of the crap that kept happening to us when we went to pick something up. I wondered if he had any idea how seriously dangerous Dasha and his dark world actually were.

Tai seemed to have put the fear of Lord Dasha into him, but still…even knowing whatever she'd told him, I wondered if he got that he was caught up in Dasha's web now as much as I was, or if he was under some illusion that he was still outside of it all.

Man, did I hate that more than anything in the world right now.

_I am _such_ an asshole…_

He was still talking.

"Of course, I considered the fact that my picture is not on the poster, only a brief description, however, if Mr. Wu is the one who had the posters put up in the first place, he must know who I am. I should think he spent as much time and money figuring out who I am and where I came from as he did you, don't you agree?"

"I guess."

"Still, I haven't seen any sign of him, or his men, since the day we got the Goddess's Ring. I was wondering why that might be."

You know, that was a good question. Wu _had_ known everything about me. Well, all the surface shit he could dig up since about three years ago, anyway. He wouldn't have ignored Hakkai, that would be stupid, and Hakkai's past might be even easier to figure out than mine was. I couldn't believe the fat, old bastard just didn't know where Hakkai lived, and it was weird that he'd gone and torn my apartment to pieces, but hadn't showed up at Hakkai's dorm.

"And what of the first poster? The reward was less, and the poster itself was a bit less professional, indicating that there may be a second party out to get us. The question I can't help asking is _who_?"

I noticed that my cigarette had gone out, stopped to re-light it. "I don't know, man."

Hakkai stopped beside me, "I feel as if some huge web is being wove around us, and we can't even begin to think about how to get away."

_A web… Gojyo, you asshole._

I glanced at Hakkai, and he looked back at me calmly. This kid trusted me, even after everything.

_You're really not supposed to trust people like me…_

I tried to warn him the day we met. I tried to tell him to get the hell out of An Jin. Was it my fault he kept coming back?

_Of course it is, you idiot._

"Gojyo?"

"It's okay." I told him. "After today, this will all be over."

"I wonder if you actually believe that…"

I had to. What else _should_ I believe?

I could believe that Dasha might kill me anyway, or that, even if he left me alone, old man Wu might come after me. Like Dasha said, _when_ old man Wu came for me, he couldn't help me, and no one else would be able to either. The Wu family was too powerful.

_"…I have nothing against you kids—I'm a quiet man who enjoys the finer things in life—I'm not interested in violence…"_

Yeah right. The words were what you'd want to hear, no shit, but Wu's eyes were so hard and unfeeling. Besides, would someone who didn't like violence, who just wanted to help two stupid, misdirected kids, shoot me point-blank like that? Goddess's Ring or not, it didn't seem like a quiet, non-violent thing to do. I didn't want to think about what my next encounter with old man Wu might be like.

Hakkai and I continued climbing the mountain, and I was getting really sick of it.

"Do you know where we're going?" Hakkai asked, when we'd climbed so high, the timberline was behind us, and the air was even colder. Flecks of snow were falling, and the sun seemed really far away.

"To the top of Mt. He-Ping, I guess."

"You _guess_?" He lifted his eyebrows at me.

"That's what the book of the ancients said." I wished I could remember what it said more specifically; I didn't get a chance to write it down, and Dasha sneaking up on me hadn't helped.

_Look north, go toward the heavens, something about climbing to the stars and falling in the ground…_

"We're looking for a cave." I told him, glancing around. The terrain looked a little more like the picture the book had shown me, and I expected to see the cave any minute now.

"What sort of cave?"

_…where the snake's fire burns, you'll find the treasure._

"Just a cave. I'll know it when I see it."

He sighed, "I really hope we aren't on the wrong mountain."

Me too.

There was that one last thing. That separate picture I hadn't really gotten to look at. _Beware the god of ice._

Who knew what that meant? I wish I'd looked at that instead of getting all distracted by the stupid papers Hakkai couldn't even read.

"What do you suppose will happen if you don't get the dagger on time?"

"Not sure. Probably nothing."

"Nothing?" Hakkai frowned.

I knew I wasn't acting like a guy who thought nothing was going to happen, but I didn't want to tell him everything I was scared Dasha might do to me. No reason for us both to be scared shitless.

"Sure. What's he gonna' do? As long as I get it to him it's no big deal. What makes you think I have a deadline anyway?" I didn't remember telling him about having to get this done by midnight.

"You act as if you do." He explained easily.

He was always so much smarter than I expected him to be.

Now the snow was deeper, falling in slightly heavier flakes, and I was up to my knees in it; in the distance, I saw the snow-capped tips of other mountains, sweepingly steep, snowy inclines, rows of dark green trees. The mountains looked like they went on forever, and I couldn't help thinking about everything beyond them, everything I had come from: my childhood, my hometown, my brother.

_This is all for Jien. Just so I can see him and tell him it's no big deal. Just to thank him._

How pathetic.

In another half an hour, we reached the top of the mountain. The thin air was freezing, and it was hard to breathe, the snow was like ice, hard enough to walk on the top for just a second before my boots busted through, and my jeans were soaked from the knee down from plowing through it. Judging from the position of the icy, pale sun, it was past noon now—one maybe. I had just twelve hours to get this done.

Ahead of us, I saw the cone-shaped peak of He-Ping, coated in a seamless blanket of ivory, and the ebony mouth of a cave had been dug out of it. It was almost perfectly round, like someone had popped out that section of granite with a spoon. A white tree was growing right outside the cave.

Hakkai and I both stopped. "Could that be it?" he asked, probably just the for the sake of asking.

"Better be." It looked right.

We trudged toward it, and I hesitated under the tree. It was as smooth as the snow, and there wasn't a leaf on it. In their place, were dozens of knife-sharp, dripping icicles. "I thought trees couldn't grown past a certain altitude."

Hakkai glanced the tree up and down, like it might disappear if he thought a bunch of logical stuff about it. "Yes, they…don't usually."

"Weird."

I led the way to the cave, stopping just at the mouth. It was smaller than I expected, the roof about a head shorter than I was, and it wasn't even wide enough for us to go in side by side. As I stared into the darkness, I heard the wind moaning, and there was a strange smell blowing with it. Like sulfur. I got a creepy feeling from looking at it. It was too dark to see anything, but I felt like something was staring back out at me, without me even knowing it.

Hakkai was whispering for some reason, "Is this it?"

"I guess so."

"It seems…normal enough, I suppose. Shall we proceed?"

I hesitated, remembering the black letters splashed across the page. _Beware…_

"Hey. Do you know anything about a god of ice?"

Hakkai gave me a confused look, "Not off the top of my head, I'm afraid. Why do you ask?"

For just one more second, I stood there and smelled the sulfur and listened to the wind moan, and then I shrugged, "No reason." I shrugged the pack off, setting it down in the snow, "This should be safe here until we get back, right?"

He raised an eyebrow at it, "It would be rather inconvenient to take it into such a small space, I suppose. And I don't see how it's going to get up and walk away. Unless someone else comes along, I imagine it'll be fine."

"Great."

"Still, leaving it here doesn't quite feel right…"

I stared down at the pack, half-expecting it to move, but it was stupid to worry about it. "Not much choice." I decided.

With that, I ducked down so I wouldn't hit my head, and shuffled inside, staring hard through the darkness, trying to see what was ahead of me. I went for my lighter, but Hakkai stopped me.

"From the smell of things, this may not be a good place for an open flame."

"So what are we supposed to do? Stumble around in the dark until we find it?"

"Then I take it you didn't bring a flash light."

"…No. I didn't think we'd need one."

I couldn't see his face, but I didn't need to—I knew exactly what look he was giving me. "You knew we were looking for a cave, and you didn't think we'd need a flash light?"

"Sorry."

He sighed, "I suppose we have no choice but to make the best of it."

So we stumbled through the cave. At first, I could make out a little of what was around me thanks to the light from outside—not that it was much—but before long, we'd left the entrance far behind us, and it was just a pale dot in the distance, over my shoulder. Eventually it disappeared completely, and then it felt like the darkness was tangible, pressing in around me physically.

"I couldn't find my ass with both hands in here." I mumbled, when we'd been walking a while.

"Sometimes I think you probably can't find it in broad daylight. It's unbelievable that you didn't think to bring a flashlight."

He was right, so I didn't argue.

Lucky for us, the walls were like ice—I didn't so much as scrape my hand as I groped my way along—and as far as I could tell, the floor was exactly the same way. It was like we were walking through a glass tunnel that never ended. Before long, my neck and my shoulders started to ache from stooping over, and I was getting annoyed. No matter how many times I reached out in front of myself, it was always just empty space, and the width of the tunnel didn't even change.

"We won't have any trouble finding our way back at least." Hakkai's voice said, from somewhere in the dark. I couldn't tell if he was in front of me or behind.

The smell of sulfur got a little stronger as we went, and the moaning seemed to get louder. The tight, uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach got worse too, and I really wanted a cigarette.

I think we must have walked for an hour. We were quiet pretty much the whole time, and Hakkai made such a small amount of noise, after a while I got paranoid that I'd left him behind, or that he'd somehow gotten way ahead of me. At first, I ignored the feeling, but it didn't go away, and eventually, I stopped, and felt around for him, accidentally pressed my hand into his face.

"Can I help you?"

"Oh, sorry, man. Just making sure you're still there." I continued walking, "This sucks huh? Where the hell is the end?"

"I've been wondering that myself. I'm beginning to wonder if we're going to find anything here at all." His voice was a little closer now, and I could almost feel his shoulder against mine, so I relaxed.

"It better be here. I don't wanna' do all this shit for nothing."

"More importantly, I think…if it's not here, where in the world is it?"

"I don't know. I'm fuckin' sick of hunching over."

"As am I."

"How long have we been walking?"

"Not that long." He muttered, "I'd say only an hour and a half."

"Really? You're kidding me, that's-"

I took a step, and the ground was suddenly torn out from beneath me. I fell forward with a scream, clawing at nothing, desperately looking for something to grab on to. The wind rushed back through my hair and my clothes, and everything around me was pure black, still, so I couldn't even see what I was falling toward. I could land on spikes or a giant pillow, and I'd never see what was coming until I hit. The impact would probably kill me.

For what felt like forever, I fell through the dark, but I couldn't stop screaming, and then, just when I thought I might be falling for the rest of my life, I landed roughly, sinking deep in a pile of ice-cold powder that immediately closed over my head. I got the wind knocked out of me, sucked hard at the frosty air, fighting to breathe.

Hakkai landed beside me, screaming too.

We both floundered around for a second, and I managed to sit up, still coughing and wheezing, throwing my now-wet hair back and forth. "What-the. Hell?" I hacked.

Hakkai moaned, rubbing his head, "That was certainly…unexpected."

I looked around, taking a few shuddering breaths, and I realized I could see again now.

The room we'd landed in was strange. It was huge and dome-shaped, the walls and the ceiling were made of clear-blue ice, huge stalactites shimmering all along the roof of the dome, and the ground was covered in deep, heavy, wet snow. In the middle of the room was a giant tree, about twice the size of any normal tree, with a trunk as wide around as a building. Instead of leaves or pine needles, it had a lively, blue flame crackling along its white branches, but it wasn't burning. The sulfur smell was overpowering.

"Hakkai…" I stammered. "Is this real?"

He pinched me hard.

"Owe! Shit!"

"You seem to be awake." He slapped his own face a couple of times, "I seem to be as well."

"Where the hell are we?" I stood up. The snow was almost to my crotch, and I was freezing."

"The center of the earth, perhaps?"

_…climb to the stars and fall into the earth, where the serpent's flame burns…_

"How are we ever gonna' get out?" I looked up, expecting to see the hole we'd fallen through, but the cave ceiling was solid.

Hakkai nudged me suddenly, pointing toward the top of the burning tree.

"Holy…shit…" I took a step back.

I didn't know how I'd missed it before, but there was a dragon sitting up there, perched across the highest branches of the tree, its long, snake-like body coiling around the thin part of the trunk, pale, gray smoke puffing from its nostrils, watching us with fire-orange eyes. Most of its body was light blue, almost white, but its wings were long and mint-green, its underbelly vibrant orange, like the eyes. It had to be a good two hundred feet long.

_"Come closer."_ A snarling, deep voice commanded, but it didn't echo through the cave like it should have, and for a second, I thought I imagined it, until I looked at Hakkai, saw that his eyes were wide, and he nodded at me.

_"Closer."_ The voice insisted. _"Now, mortals."_

I hesitated a little longer, then inched forward, stumbling through the snow, toward the massive trunk of the tree, and Hakkai came with me.

The dragon was still watching us, climbing down the tree, quickly, brushing through the flames and the branches without breaking anything or getting burned. It clung to the trunk, head craned forward to give the two of us a deep, searching look.

"That voice…" I murmured. "Am I crazy?"

"We're dreaming." Hakkai answered pleasantly. "Everyone knows dragons can't speak."

Then he laughed.

_Beware the god of ice…_

The dragon was so close now, I could have reached out and touched its gigantic snout. I saw unbelievable intelligence in the orange eyes that stared back at me, and the scales shone like flakes of diamonds. One swipe of those claws and I'd be finished. Hell, why worry about that though? If anything, it was going to burn us to a crisp.

_Shit, I didn't know I'd have to fight a dragon—I woulda' packed differently._

"Excuse me, sir." Hakkai said calmly, like he wasn't talking to a freakin' dragon. Like this was all perfectly normal. "You must excuse us—we didn't mean to fall through your roof. Might you know another way out of here?"

The dragon snorted, a tiny, tongue-shaped flame sprouting from its mouth, and I got a glimpse of dozens of razor-sharp, white-glass teeth._ "Mortal children. Address the ice god with respect—it has been thousands of years since any of your kind looked upon my face."_

"_You're_ the god of ice?" I demanded, and then I felt stupid for it. Well, duh, Gojyo. Maybe if I'd read the rest of what the Book of the Ancients had to say I'd know that.

The dragon grinned at me, climbing out to lie down along a thick, blazing tree branch. _"I am Ash-Calder, and I have resided within this holy mountain since before West knew East existed, and it has been long since any youth or knight was brash enough to seek me out, so speak now, and tell me the purpose of this visitation."_

"I gotta' be dreaming…" I whispered. "This is too ridiculous."

"What do you eat before bed at night?" Hakkai asked nonchalantly, "And may I suggest you _stop_?"

_"Speak." _Ash-Calder snarled a little, but it wasn't as vicious as I thought it could be. _"In your mortal hearts I see that you seek a prize. Ask it of me now, or be forever on your way."_

This was just too crazy. I was inside the tallest mountain in the region, up to my butt in snow, talking to a dragon—a _god_ I guess—and I was supposed to ask it for a favor?

Hakkai nudged me again. "I'd rather this god not be frustrated with us."

"Oh, right. The Ruby Dagger. I…guess it's supposed to be here somewhere. Right?"

Ash-Calder lifted his head, eyes glowing, and the voice in my head was hushed with disbelief. _"You seek the dagger of ruin?"_

"Um…I guess."

He snarled again. _"Child. Do you even know for what you ask?"_

"Like I said. The Ruby Dagger."

_"Yes, but what is such a precious item to a mortal such as yourself? What makes _you_ worthy to be granted such a prize?"_

I didn't know I had to be worthy to get the thing. I didn't even know I'd have to ask for it. It all threw me off that much more, and I glanced at Hakkai, who looked as calm and impassive as ever, before answering, "Nothing. I just need it."

Ash-Calder seemed to laugh, _"How impudent. To think that _you_ could come here, to this holy place, and ask for something you don't understand, with such a pitiful reason. Boy, many mortals have sought for and needed the dagger of ruin, but only rarely have they succeeded: knights, three times your size, with twice as much time as you upon this earth, great warriors wielding fantastic swords and brave hearts."_

"I don't care about any of that." I said, a little angrily, "I came to get the damn knife, and whatever I gotta' do to get it, I'll do it, if it means fighting you, or whatever."

The laughter stopped suddenly, _"Fight _me_, mortal child? None has ever been so foolish as to challenge me to battle. All know that when a mortal challenges the gods, they will die."_

"Of course." Hakkai interrupted. "We didn't come to fight, sir. We came, as he said, for the Ruby Dagger. And we are willing to do whatever is required of us to be allowed to take it. We have no desire to test your powers."

_"Be that as it may, tiny human, the Ruby Dagger is a thing of woe and dissention. Children such as yourselves would do well to not even seek after it. Return to your homes, and forget what you saw here."_

I blurted out, "No way! We climbed this God-forsaken mountain, and crawled through that stupid cave and _fell_ all the way down here, just for you to tell us to forget about it? You gotta' be crazy."

Ash-Calder's eyes narrowed, _"Such impudence. Who do you think you are, speaking to the great Ash-Calder in that _tone_?" _He flicked his tail, severing a branch from the tree.

"Gojyo." Hakkai grabbed my arm roughly, hissing in my ear, "Please don't upset him."

I shoved him off. There was just no way—I'd come too far and gone through way too much, and my life was on the line, and I wasn't going to just head back home empty-handed because some over-sized worm with teeth told me too. It would be better to die here because I'd pissed him off. "I'm not a knight, okay. I don't have some great reason to ask for the dagger, and if you wanna' kill me, you probably can, but I won't leave without it."

_"Mortal abomination."_ The dragon blew a stream of foul-smelling smoke in my face. _"You know not how to ask a favor, from god or man."_

"That's true." Hakkai muttered. "You're not very good at accepting favors either."

I was way too upset to care about what either of them had just said. All I could think about was that I couldn't walk all the way back down to An Jin and go back to Dasha and tell him I'd failed. He'd kill me. But it wasn't even death I was scared of. I was afraid to find out he was right, to learn that everyone had always been right about how worthless I was, and I was afraid to fail when I'd already come so far and worked so hard, when I was so close to getting what I wanted the most in the world, when I'd put Hakkai through so much stupid bullshit and made him miss class and get in trouble… Fuck it. It was all just too much to walk out on.

I dropped to my knees in the snow, hanging my head. I felt drained and hopeless and totally lost, "Please. I need it. I need it so bad. I-I don't have a great quest or a selfless motive or anything that makes me worthy of getting it. But I need you…to just…give me a break. This has been so goddamn hard already…just once I need it to be easy."

In that moment, I felt like the world had stopped, I was the only thing alive, and everything else was listening, for once. Just listening because they had to.

"Don't you get it? This is the only chance I'll ever get to fix my life…and I can't afford to just let it go. So…for once…can't someone just cut me some slack?"

It was pathetic. _I_ was pathetic. Sitting in the snow, begging like a stupid, little kid, but I couldn't think of anything else to do. If I fought, I'd die. If I laid down and gave up, I'd die. If I went home with nothing, I'd die. Begging was all I had left, and the feeble, shredded hope, that this time, just this one time, somebody might take pity on how unbelievably wretched I was.

Everything was silent a moment. I was out of pitiful, pathetic things to say, so I waited, not looking up, too ashamed to even think about getting a glimpse of Hakkai's face.

At last, the dragon seemed to sigh, _"I said you know not how to ask a favor, child. Not that you must prostrate yourself and beg."_

"Please." I said automatically. "Please, please, please let me take the dagger."

More silence.

Slowly, voice softer than before, Ash-Calder answered, _"I have been charged with guarding the dagger of ruin from all who would misuse it, but it has been so many years since a mortal knew where to even begin looking for it…perhaps there is significance in the fact that two waifs have made their way here and survived the trials that the other Hallmarks of Discord often provide. Rise now, and face me."_

It took me a second, but I reluctantly got up again, pushing wet hair away from my eyes, and the dragon took a long, hard look at me before speaking again.

_ "I know not how worthy your cause may be, but I see that your eyes are clear, and your heart is vibrant and kind. I see that you do not seek death or destruction or chaos, but unity and order and peace, even if it is only in your own existence. What is your name?"_

"Gojyo."

_"Gojyo, one of each, neither and yet both, search your desires, and should you find that it is indeed the dagger that you seek, take it, but I must warn you that the Ruby Dagger will cause one of you a great misfortune."_

I frowned. "Which one of us?"

_"That I cannot say, but I do see pain in this venture. Know also that the one who takes the Ruby Dagger from me is responsible for its power, and for what will come of its use. Be prepared to hold yourself accountable for whatever may follow this encounter, and know that you take your lives, as well as the very balance of nature, into your own hands now."_

I was getting a little sick of these prophecies of doom that we kept getting, but at least he was going to give the thing to me. I guess that made being so pathetic worth it.

"_Is this truly what you want?" _The dragon asked.

I nodded, "Yeah. It's…what I need."

He lifted his voice, roaring suddenly, and this time the cave _did_ shake, so much I almost fell down again, and I thought the stalactites were going to break off and impale us. _"So be it. You shall have what you seek."_

The stalactites didn't fall, but I saw a sparkle of red, as bright as my hair, float down from the ceiling, looked up to see that it was a knife, longer than my forearm, the angled, serrated blade shone with a weird, magical light, the hilt and the handle were both curved and made of pure, black stone, and there was a ruby big enough to fill my whole palm set into the pommel. It drifted down slowly and hovered right in front of me.

"_Take it, but remember my warning, and know also, Gojyo, that sometimes the prize we long for is not what we need—be aware of what you have already, and do not sacrifice it for things you cannot get back."_

I looked up at him again, "What does that mean?"

_"Rest assured, little mortal, you will know. In time. Go now. Bear my words with you, and be vigilant over the duty you have accepted."_

I started to ask him if what he'd said was about Jien, but there was a sudden flare of light so bright it hurt my eyes, and I had to shield my face. When the light faded and I could see again, we were standing outside, in the forest. The snow was shallow, and the birds were chirping, the sun had moved, so it looked like it was about three, and the peak towered above us, the summit hours away still. I checked to see if there was some opening that led back to the dragon's lair, but there wasn't so much as a stone wall nearby. "Wow."

I was holding the dagger in my hand now, and I turned it over a few times, feeling how heavy it was, wondering if it was actually made of ruby. The tip was long and sharp, and when I touched it, I pricked my finger and it bled a little. "It would suck to get stabbed with this thing."

Hesitantly, I faced Hakkai, who hadn't said anything in what I felt like was a really long time.

He was just watching me, his face an emotionless mask, and as usual, I couldn't even guess what he was thinking, but I was afraid that he thought I was weak after what I'd just done.

"Um. Sorry about…all that."

Hakkai didn't so much as blink, "Not at all. I feel like I should be apologizing."

"What? Why?"

"I seem to have been completely unaware of how desperate you are up until now."

My cheeks flushed at that, "I'm not _desperate_, Hakkai." I rolled my eyes, "I didn't know how else to get him to give it to me."

Instead of answering, he said suddenly, "Do you have any idea what's going on?"

"What's that supposed to mean? Hey, I'm not _that_ clueless, pal." I grinned at him, trying so hard to lighten the mood, and I wasn't even sure why. "We-"

"I'm not joking, Gojyo. The way you acted back there, I'd be an idiot to go on believing you don't have some important reason for what you're doing, and yet, I can't help but wonder if you're not asking all the same questions I'm asking."

"What questions?"

"Every time we've gone to retrieve one of these items, we've been told the same thing: these are not toys for children, this is not a game, we are playing with powers we don't comprehend. Doesn't any of that bother you?"

I shrugged, lied, "No. I guess not."

He shook his head, "I'm afraid I can't believe that. The only thing it seems I _can_ believe is that you must have some extremely dire need that's causing you to do all of this, and although I've never meant to pry into your affairs, as we draw closer to the end of this task, and we continue to be told we'll be caused misfortune by what we're doing, I feel that I have no choice but to press you a bit."

Hakkai fixed his eyes on me seriously, voice soft but insistent.

"Tell me the truth, Gojyo. Why are we messing around with these items…with this power? It can't just be out of fear of Dasha—you would have fought that dragon, so I refuse to believe _Dasha_ frightens you—and I've never seen that you hold any loyalty or respect for him. I can only conclude that this is somehow for you."

I didn't answer. I felt like I shouldn't. I wasn't even sure why I felt that way, because by now, I should be able to trust Hakkai, but there was still something holding me back. There were still so many things I didn't want him to know, things I didn't want to admit the truth about. And in the end, I didn't want him to look at me with that pitying, sorry look. I didn't want him thinking, _Poor Gojyo._

So I kicked at the dirt, because I couldn't bear to lie to him and tell him it was over something stupid either. He wouldn't buy that.

When he'd waited for a moment, he asked, "Haven't you asked yourself yet what it is your boss wants these things for? After what we've seen and heard today, after the chart you showed me, and what Wu and Madame Xaoli and everyone else has told us, I don't believe you can't see what I see—there is disaster ahead."

"That's sorta' dramatic, Hakkai."

"You're too flippant." He snapped back. "And I think we know each other well enough by now that you should trust me and be honest, but you continue to evade the questions, lie to me, you won't even look me in the eyes. What _is_ it? What is it that binds you so tightly to such a…a sinister plot?"

"C'mon man." I pleaded, "Don't do this to me now."

"Then _answer me_, Gojyo."

"I don't wanna' get into it." I said, as dismissively as I dared. "It's a long story, and in the end, I'm not sure it matters."

"We have a long walk down the mountain, and _I_ think it matters very much."

We did have a long walk back, he was right about that, and if I wanted to have even the slightest hope of getting the dagger to Dasha by midnight, we'd better move. I started walking, "Look, you trust me, don't you, Hakkai?"

"Why do you always insist on calling my trust into question?" He asked, not moving, "I've already told you that I do."

"Then it shouldn't be a big deal."

"I think you misunderstand what trust means. By trusting you, I am believing in your honesty, and that you have no ill-intentions for me or anyone else. It does not mean I'll follow you blindly."

I was getting kind of far from him now, wondering if he'd just stand there until I decided to answer him, "I get that, but still. It isn't your problem, it's mine. So I don't think it should be a big deal, that's all."

"Where are you going, Gojyo?"

"Back to An Jin. Remember?"

"What about the pack?"

I stopped in my tracks. I'd forgotten all about the pack, honestly, but now I remembered that it was sitting on top of the mountain, outside the cave. I looked back up at the peak. We'd come down a long ways, either because we fell or because of magic, or whatever, and it was going to take a couple hours to hike back up to retrieve my backpack. "Shit!"

"What do you intend to do about that?" Hakkai looked at me intently.

What _should _I do? If I wasted the two hours it would take to go back up and grab it, I might not get back to An Jin on time. I might not make it back on time anyway—I would already have to walk all through the night, with the least amount of breaks I could handle—and that meant I definitely didn't have time to go back up for the pack.

"We'll have to leave it." I decided finally.

Hakkai looked all the more interested, and kind of outraged too, "Leave it? It has all our supplies, Gojyo: the food, the water, the blankets, your cigarettes. You honestly mean to tell me you want to leave it?"

I just shrugged lamely.

"It won't take _that_ long to go back for our essentials, will it?"

"Long enough that I don't wanna' do it."

"In that case, I assume you _do_ have a deadline, am I correct? If you don't make said deadline, what will happen? As I've already said, your dedication to this job is astounding, and somewhat self-destructive, and for the last time, I deserve to know why, especially if I'm expected to walk back down the mountain without any supplies."

"Fine, fine." I snapped, temper breaking at last. "Fine, you got me. You're so fuckin' clever, Hakkai; I told Dasha he'd have the Ruby Dagger by midnight tonight, and I don't want to find out what's going to happen if he doesn't."

"I was always under the impression that we have all the time in the world to accomplish this."

"So was I, but that asshole switched it up on me, and before you ask, I don't know why. I don't know what he wants this shit for. I really don't. All I know is I don't have any options, and I definitely don't need any extra pressure from you!"

I was pretty much yelling at him by the time I was done, but he stayed calm, "If I were you, I'd be a little less evasive with me, because the only reason I'm still helping you do this is because I don't want anything to happen to you. And for the record, it _would_ be nice if you could grant me some assurance that this is all worthwhile."

_"God_, Hakkai! This all sucks enough without you being on my case! What part of 'I don't have any options' are you not getting? It's none of your business what I'll get in the end, or if I get anything at all, okay? So lay off!"

He was staring at me all wide-eyed now, mouth open a little, like he couldn't believe it. Maybe he wasn't expecting me to cut loose on him.

He should have been, after pushing me over and over.

"I really appreciate that you're helping me, Hakkai, I do, but I need you to cut me some fucking slack already, 'cause I can't get this done if you're gonna' keep questioning me and arguing with me about everything, and I could really use some goddamn support!"

He was still just staring, like he'd seen a ghost.

"Hakkai?"

Now I noticed he wasn't looking at me at all. He was staring past me.

He started to point, but I was already whipping my head around.

A man was walking toward us. He was moving silently through the trees, eyes fixed right on me. For a second, I figured he was just some wandering bandit, but he looked a little too noble and too well put together for that. He was about forty, long, dark hair tied up in a top-knot, his eyes were dark and serious, but they weren't harsh or cold like Wu's or Dasha's. He had a stern face, traditional clothes, and he moved like a warrior. There was a long katana on his hip that I would have recognized, even if I didn't recognize him, because it had almost lopped my head off.

"You!" I shouted in surprise, taking a few steps away from him.

"Y-you're dead." Hakkai stammered.

It was definitely the village leader from Ying. I never thought he was dead, but I probably should have been expecting him to show up eventually.

"Give me that dagger." He ordered.

I gripped the handle even more tightly. "Make me."

"Let's not go down that path again, boy. Hand over the Ruby Dagger, and I promise no harm will come to either of you."

I ignored him, scanning the trees and doing my best to keep one eye on him—if he was here, he must have brought some men with him. I didn't see anything, but there was no way he didn't have us surrounded.

"I'm alone." He said, like he'd read my mind. "I don't want to hurt you, I just want to keep you from doing something incredibly stupid."

Hakkai repeated himself, starting to sound sort of hysterical, "You're dead. I killed you…"

"Shut up, Hakkai." I grumbled, watching warily as the man approached. He was just a couple yards away now, and I knew I had to be ready, in case he tried to pounce on me.

He held his hand out, like I was actually supposed to trust him. "Gojyo."

I was shocked that he knew my name, but I probably shouldn't have been. Obviously he was the one who'd made the hand-drawn wanted poster Banri showed me.

"Whatever you're collecting the Hallmarks of Discord for, it's not worth it."

Hakkai and me were both quiet now, and we exchanged a quick look.

"The what?"

"You see?" He sighed, "You don't even know what you're doing. The Hallmarks of Discord—five legendary items that were never meant to be brought together—if misused, their powers can be devastating. They are not something two children should be messing with."

"That's what you said last time too, pops."

"Yes, and you should have listened to me, so listen to me now: those things _must_ be returned to their rightful spots, before it's too late."

"Not happening." I was still watching for any sign of the footmen he'd have brought with him, but the forest was silent.

"Foolish, selfish boy. You only have one shot at this."

"I'm telling you, buddy, it's impossible. I don't have those other things anymore."

His face fell, but his voice was persistent, "In that case, it's imperative that you give the Ruby Dagger to me now. That's the only way to fix this mess you've made."  
"Mess? Ha! What do you know about the 'mess' I've made? You can't just waltz up here and scare me in to giving you the dagger—I went through way too much to get it."

The man shook his head at me, like I was a total idiot, and then looked at Hakkai, "Convince your friend, Hakkai—you're not blinded like he is."

Hakkai's voice was barely audible, but he said, "I apologize for the trouble we've caused you sir, but I'm afraid Gojyo is right this time. We can't afford to give the Ruby Dagger to you now."

The man's eyes narrowed, "Idiots. You have no idea what sort of crisis the two of you have started, nor the jeopardy that this world is in now. You don't even know what sort of danger _you're_ in."

"I'm sure it's very grave." Hakkai answered, and I finally felt like he was on my side, not telling me to listen or give the thing over, "However, you could hardly respect us if we gave in so easily when we've already endured so much."

"Boys, you are forcing me to do this the hard way."

Could he have really come all alone? At this rate, I figured there was only one way to find out.

"Ah, well we wouldn't want you to strain yourself, sir—I really am sorry for your head, by the way—at any rate, we have a deadline to meet, and so we must be on our way. Please excuse us."

"Wait." He sounded almost desperate. "Listen to me; you have no idea what you're doing."

"No. But we're going to find out." Hakkai leveled his gaze on me suddenly, "Aren't we?"

I couldn't help cracking a grin, "Damn straight we are."

"Very well then. Have it your way." The man rushed me suddenly, making a grab for my arm, but he didn't draw his katana like I expected him to.

I ducked under him and bolted, "Let's go, Hakkai!"

The two of us ran straight down the mountain, springing over boulders and sliding through thin patches of snow. Here and there, I stumbled, almost falling, barely managed to keep my balance. We weaved around trees and tore through bushes. I leapt from a short drop off, landed hard, hit the ground running, scraped my cheek on a low, sharp branch, but I wouldn't let anything distract me.

Hakkai was right beside me, keeping up easily, like running down the sides of mountains was an every day thing for him.

Whenever I got the chance, I looked over my shoulder for the village leader. He started out right on our heels, but as we raced across the difficult terrain, he either lost motivation, or the effort was too much for him—he started backing off, and every time I'd check for him, he was a little further away than before.

Still, we kept running, splashing through a stream jumping over a small chasm.

What felt like years later, I checked behind us and didn't see any sign of the man, skittered to a halt, holding the Ruby Dagger close and panting. Hakkai blurred past me and ran on for another yard or two before he realized I'd stopped, and then he stopped too. "Do…do you see him?"

I was breathing too fast to answer, so I shook my head.

"I'll be terribly surprised. If we lost him."

Hakkai came back to me, and we were quiet as we both turned around and around, looking for any sign of him, or anyone else who might be following, but it really did look like it was just the two of us, and by the time my breathing was normal again, I'd relaxed.

"I think he's gone."

"In that case, we were lucky."

"This is crazy, man. Every time we make a move someone tries to get in our way."

"Yes, but they're all telling the same story, about these items…these…hallmarks…being quite dangerous."

I looked down at the dagger. It was pretty dangerous by itself, even without its magical powers, and it made me think again of the old painting on Dasha's desk.

_Sacrifice…_

"It's over now anyway…" I said, "I'll take this thing to Dasha, and then we'll be done with this."

"Not a moment too soon, if you ask me." He fixed a serious look on me, "Don't forget that, at some point, I expect you to tell me the truth about your involvement in this."

"Yeah, yeah, of course." I said, but I knew I'd have to spend some time later coming up with some story he'd buy.

From his expression, I could see that he didn't have much faith in my answer, but he didn't push it, just turned to lead the way down.

The way home wasn't as far as the way up, but to me, it felt like it took a lot longer, and I couldn't stop thinking about everything I'd seen today.

Not just today, but ever since I started this mission.

I didn't want to admit it, especially after I'd made such a big deal about climbing He-Ping to get the dagger, but I was beginning to feel really worried about what I was in the middle of.

Everyone kept telling us the same things: that these items—the Hallmarks of Discord, I guess—were dangerous, they brought 'woe' and 'dissension' to everyone who used them, and we had no idea what we were getting into.

Over and over, that's all I heard: you don't understand, you don't know what kind of danger you're in, you don't know what kind of crisis you've started, on and on and on, but no one was telling me anything really. So far, I hadn't heard a single person give me a good enough reason to just walk away.

Maybe it was because Dasha's voice was hissing in my ear, warning me not to fuck up, telling me this was serious, reminding me that I was expendable, and he wouldn't have any regrets about offing me.

Or maybe I was just being stupid and stubborn.

I mean, being told the dagger would cause one of us misery should be a good enough reason to leave it behind. Being told outright that gathering the Hallmarks wasn't worth it, should help, but I just couldn't believe them, and I didn't want to listen, because to me, it was worth it.

I had thought it was, but I was starting to feel really unsure. I mean, picking up a few nick nacks for Dasha was one thing, and if it got me my brother back, great, but this was serious.

I felt the weight of the Ruby Dagger in my hand as we walked.

_…it is a thing of woe and dissention…_

_ …the dagger will cause one of you a great misfortune…_

_ …be prepared to hold yourself accountable for whatever may follow…you take your lives, as well as the very balance of nature into your own hands…_

Madame Xaoli had said the same thing about the flower. She told me to guard it well, because a lot of lives were hanging in the balance.

This wasn't just fun and games: they all kept telling me it was a matter of life or death, and now, since I was the idiot who'd gone out of his way to gather all five Hallmarks together, I was the one who had to be responsible for everything when the shit hit the fan. That meant facing up to Wu and the Ying leader, as well as Dasha and his gang, and Hakkai, if something happened to him. It was all on my shoulders, and that was something I hadn't bargained for.

Of course I'd asked myself what Dasha wanted these things for. I'd be an idiot not to. In truth, I was afraid of the answer. I was afraid that giving Dasha these items that had so much woe and dissention and responsibility and power attached to them, would be a bigger mistake than I thought. I could wind up being responsible for something I didn't understand in the first place—something really horrible.

_Like a human sacrifice._ I considered the painting I'd seen, darkly.

What I didn't understand was…shit, everything, I guess. I didn't know what made this so dangerous. Individually, the five Hallmarks had their own special powers, like contacting the dead and giving me indestructibility, and none of that was very dangerous by itself.

"What do you think he meant?" I asked out loud. "He said they were never meant to be brought together. Why?"

Hakkai seemed stunned, and I wondered how long we'd gone without talking—I hadn't been paying much attention to that. He answered slowly, "I wish I knew…but the only thing I can figure out is that these things, these Five Hallmarks of Discord, as he called them, each come from a different origin, and they each have their own myths and legends and powers attached to them, and, I suppose, such monumental powers were never intended to mesh. It could be that it will invoke some sort of alternate function.

"You remember Madame Xaoli told us the Enchanted Flower could somehow grant immortality, as well as act as a medium for the dead, don't you?"

"Yeah, but she said it's super unlikely, or something, right?"

"It's unlikely…perhaps, if the five hallmarks aren't brought together. Suppose each Hallmark has two powers. Suppose they each have their own, individual specialty, but when they're together, it causes something else to happen. Something dangerous."

Very, very dangerous, from the sound of how everyone was talking. Something neither of us knew a damn thing about, and I frickin' hated being in the dark.

The village leader said there was a dark side to the Hallmarks. Madame Xaoli said men were willing to spill blood to achieve immortality. Ash-Calder told me I was taking my own life, Hakkai's life, and the balance of nature, in my hands. It all hinted at something really ominous.

And now I was responsible for it.

I stared down at the Ruby Dagger a long, long time. It was the last piece of the puzzle, the deal breaker, the finish line. If I handed it over to Dasha tonight, I was going to get to see my brother again—probably—and Dasha was going to awaken whatever dark power the five Hallmarks were capable of, and I'd have to take responsibility for it.

Or, I could take responsibility for everything I'd done so far, back out of this before it was too late, and just accept the consequences. Never seeing Jien again would probably be better than whatever Dasha had in mind.

Suddenly, I felt like I didn't have enough time to figure this out, and I wished I'd told Dasha I'd have it by tomorrow or something.

Old man Wu said he'd been doing everything he could to make sure the wrong people never got their hands on the Wizard's Medallion…and now he was hunting me down with a vengeance to get it back, so he was taking his responsibility seriously.

I was just handing this dangerous shit over to someone who I knew was a sociopath, someone who'd beat the shit out of me over a handful of yen. Someone who killed people for the fuck of it. Someone who kept teeth and ball gags on his dinner table.

_I gotta' be crazy._

No. No, this just wasn't worth it. There had to be a better way.

_Jien…I'm sorry._

And still. How could I get away with just backing out? Dasha would kill me.

I had to think, that was all. I needed more time to figure this out, and even though I knew I didn't have it, I had to make it, one way or another. If I could just learn a little more, if I got a chance to talk to that village leader again, or something, or if I could do some research somewhere, maybe that would help me in my final decision, but I knew that I couldn't just walk down there and hand the dagger over to Dasha tonight. Not when I still didn't have a clue what he'd do with it.

_It's a huge risk, Gojyo, because you'll seriously piss him off, and that's the last thing you want…_

But that was part of the responsibility, wasn't it?

Just a little time might not hurt. I had to give myself the chance to figure this out.

By the time we reached the foot of the mountain, I had made up my mind: don't give the crazy thing to him without knowing what was going to happen first, hurry and find out as much about the Hallmarks of Discord as I possibly could, and then, maybe, if it was safe, I'd take the dagger to Dasha.

In the meantime, I didn't think I should tell Hakkai, because he was just going to ask me a ton of questions, and I didn't have a real solution yet, and I didn't want him to get all pissed off for dragging him up to the top of Mt. He-Ping and going back without the pack, just to find out I wasn't going to give the dagger to my boss, so I kept the decision to myself.

None of it mattered anyway, right? There was only one thing that was clear throughout this whole mess, and that was the fact that, no matter what I did now, I was screwed. It might just be a matter of whether or not I was willing to take the world down with me.


	11. Chapter 11

**11.**

… _He has no shirt on his back, no shoes on his feet, no roof over his head; he is like the flies in the air who have none of all these things…he ranges the streets, sleeps in the open air, …runs about, is always on the watch and on the search, kills time, breaks in pipes, swears like an imp, hangs about the wine shop, knows thieves and robbers, is hand in glove with the street-girls, rattles off slang, sings smutty songs, and, withal, has nothing bad in his heart. This is because he has a pearl in his soul, innocence; and pearls do not dissolve in mire. So long as man is a child, God wills that he be innocent."_

_-Victor Hugo_

* * *

**Hakkai**

The day after we climbed to the top of Mt. He-Ping, I was so exhausted I could barely get myself up for class.

Jing-Sheng was in the shared part of our dorm when I came out, and he gave me a long, serious expression that I gathered was somehow disapproving, but I smiled at him none-the-less. "Good morning, Jing."

He nodded, then asked, "Are you going to class today?"

I was a bit startled that he was asking about my personal affairs. After all, Jing was several years older than I was, but he had never taken any measures to step in and guide me before. I wondered if he was simply making conversation. "Um, I suppose I don't have a choice."

"Seeing how you missed your classes yesterday."

"Yes…it would certainly be negligent to skip again."

Jing looked thoughtful, "You know, in the two years you've been my room mate, I've never known you to skip class for anything–not even illness—and I can't help wondering why that's changed so suddenly."

"I don't know." I shrugged, and suddenly I felt like Gojyo, making up excuses for immature, irresponsible behavior, so I amended, "That is, it's just that I've had a good deal more than school going on in my life as of late."

"Yes, I see. Well." He turned to gather up some papers that were scattered on the table, "Try not to get yourself expelled, won't you? I'm not sure I want to adjust to having a new room mate when I'm so close to graduating."

"I understand. Really though, there's no need to worry. I'm not doing anything they can expel me for." As soon as I'd spoken the words, I realized how untrue they were, and it wasn't just the school I should be concerned about—I was up to my neck in serious trouble, stealing things with Gojyo and braining men with rocks—soon I might find myself in trouble with the authorities, if I didn't watch it.

He fixed his solemn gaze on me again, "Is that really true, Hakkai?"

"If I'm doing anything wrong, I have yet to be notified of it."

Jing suddenly smiled, "Now, I know that's not true."

Rather impatiently, I asked, "I see that you know more about the matter than I do, so would you care to enlighten me as to what it is you're talking about?"

"I'm talking about the young man you've been spending so much time with."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Don't act surprised—it's all over campus that Cho Hakkai has made some hanyou punk from Jin his new best friend—did you sincerely believe I wouldn't notice at some point?"

I answered coldly, "I hardly cared whether you noticed or not, because as far as I'm concerned, I've done nothing wrong."

"No, but the administration feels differently, and I'm sure someone has had a word with you about it by this time."

"Yes, but I can't see how it concerns you, Jing."

"It doesn't, which is why, so far, I've kept my opinions to myself. Frankly, I don't care what you do or who you spend your time with, but it occurred to me that perhaps you don't really know what you're doing or just how serious it is."

"You're right. I can't make sense of why befriending a hanyou is such an awful thing to have done."

"It doesn't really matter if it's actually a bad thing to do or not, what matters is that the school frowns on it, and it may get you in trouble. Have you considered that?"

"As a matter of fact, I have, and if I may be frank, I'm insulted that you think me so naïve, that I wouldn't have considered that. Also, I have no intentions of ending my friendship with Gojyo over what the administration thinks."

His voice softened, as did his expression, "I never said that you should, Hakkai, I'm just trying to warn you to be careful. This is not the sort of school one comes to and makes trouble and explores their rebellious side: the education is too valuable, and the tuition is too much."

I considered that a moment. I hadn't been expecting any sort of warning or concern, but it seemed that was all he wished to say, and I didn't get the same judgmental impression from him that I'd gotten from Professor Hyoka. "I appreciate the concern, I suppose."

"In that case, here's a piece of friendly advice: if you intend to continue your friendship with Gojyo, you'd better be a little more careful about it. In other words, stop skipping class to see him, because if you don't, you will more than likely get kicked out of this school, and I don't think either of you want that."

Again, I wondered why it was such an issue, befriending a hanyou. It seemed as if most of society considered it unacceptable, but why? I couldn't see how Gojyo's unusual birth should have anything to do with whether or not he was allowed to have friends. "Is it really all over campus?"

"I'm afraid so." He adjusted his tie and picked up his bag, "You never should have let Quing and Liling meet him—they've been telling everyone they know."

"Ah, I might have known. Well, that certainly wasn't a planned encounter."

"I didn't imagine it was. Those two are childish and petty."

That was all he had to say on the matter, and then he left, and I went shortly after him.

After my class, I got to have coffee with Kanan after all, which I was grateful for, but I still felt slightly nervous. Never-the-less, I strode through the doors of the café, attempting to look cool and collected. My life was so up in the air now, I wasn't sure what to expect next, and I wondered if I'd even be able to enjoy coffee with her.

She was there before me, tucked back in a private corner of the café, with a book open in front of her, and a mug of steaming coffee. She smiled and waved to me.

"Good afternoon." I said, a bit heavily, as I took the seat across from her.

"Good afternoon. I hope it's all right that I already ordered."

"Ah, of course. I'm not running late, am I?"

"Oh, no. Quite the contrary—I'm here inexcusably early." She flashed another gracious smile and shut her book with a thump.

I glanced up at the clock, saw that it was just after one. "You were in An Jin already then, I take it?"

"Yes. I have some friends who live down here, you see."

Friends in An Jin? Kanan was such a nice girl, I had trouble imagining her running around with the sort of riff-raff lowlifes that the town seemed to boast. It worried me a bit as well, considering all the trouble I was in just because I'd happened to come to An Jin one day and make friends with someone who lived here. I wondered if she was in any sort of trouble as well.

From the look of her, I didn't expect so. Her smile was radiant, eyes bright, voice warm and confident, posture relaxed, but proper. It put me a bit more at ease to be around her, as if I could genuinely loosen up as long as we were together.

"Friends." I murmured, glancing about the café. "I see."

Some silence endured, and I strove to enjoy her company and not concern myself with what the silence signified, or with the unhappy occurrences that had been going on in the other aspects of my life. Yesterday's trek through the mountains had been so draining, and when I'd left Gojyo last night, he'd been acting so strange.

I wondered if he'd actually given the dagger to Dasha. I didn't see why he wouldn't have. He had been so insistent.

Still.

I wondered if Dasha had been satisfied at last. Again, there was no reason why he shouldn't be, considering that his filthy job was finally complete.

And yet…

I wondered if he'd paid Gojyo. If the job was truly finished, he should have been paid at once, shouldn't he?

But then…

And I wondered, if Gojyo _had_ been paid, would he be planning to leave town soon? It was the only smart thing to do, in my opinion.

_It's Gojyo…_

When was the last time I saw him do something that sensible?

I wondered if he'd ever done anything sensible in his entire life, or if he just-

"Hakkai-san?"

I realized Kanan had repeated my name several times now.

"Mm. Yes? Excuse me, I was lost in thought."

"You seem worried. Is anything the matter?"

"Not at all. I'm merely considering a quiz I took earlier."

"A quiz? Is that so? Well, it's been a long time since I've seen anyone looking so vexed over a simple quiz." She laughed, but it wasn't the dainty, feminine thing I had always imagined. It was robust and lively, and a bit loud. I thought it may have resembled my father's laugh…dim as my memory was of him.

Parents. How odd it was to know that they were still out there somewhere, that they had left the two of us behind, willingly.

Disdainfully, I found myself frowning.

It might, in fact, be better if they had simply died. At least then I wouldn't have to live in the misery of knowing that they just hadn't cared what became of the children they'd brought into this world. A world I'd never asked to be brought into in the first place, I might add. A sad, lonely, fake, pathetic, dangerous world where anything could happen to a child.

I wondered if Gojyo would have wanted to know that his parents were still alive. His were dead, as far as he knew, but was that any better than having them walk out on him?

I almost thought I might ask him, the next time I saw him, but then again, I wasn't sure that was the sort of thing I should bring up.

Perhaps some day. At the moment—that is, according to the last time I'd seen him—Gojyo had seemed rather high strung, and I didn't think that this was the right time to go inquiring about his personal life and the sentiments he had concerning such things. It might distress him much more than I intended.

I'd better let him get his life together before I intruded into anything painful like what became of his parents. Hopefully that would be soon. I desperately wanted to see him get out of this situation—a feeling that seemed to grow more and more with each day—and I couldn't quite express the relief I'd felt yesterday after we'd successfully retrieved the dagger.

However, I was concerned that this was not over. For one thing, those wanted posters were still about, so Wu and the village head from Ying would still be hunting for Gojyo. Would they release him if they did catch him and found he no longer possessed any of the Hallmarks of Discord? Would they hurt him?

My stomach was beginning to feel tight.

Was something actually going to happen when Dasha had all five Hallmarks together? Was it going to be as terrible as it had been made to sound? Were the two of us going to be solely responsible for some catastrophe or other?

"Are you sure everything's all right, Hakkai-san? You seem terribly distressed."

I blinked and looked up again at Kanan. "Yes. I'm sorry. I…I have a lot on my mind."

She was smiling still, kindly now, "It isn't a quiz though, is it?"  
"No." I sighed. "It's just a mess my friend and I have gotten ourselves into."

"Your friend? The one I met with before?"

"Yes. Gojyo."  
"Are the two of you in trouble?" She frowned at last, and her entire countenance took on an air of genuine concern.

I sat, startled and awed, in the presence of that sincere emotion on her face. I wasn't sure I'd ever seen anyone look so wholly compassionate over something they weren't even honestly aware of.

"Th-that remains to be seen." I managed to stutter at last.

"I'm sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Unfortunately, no. I do appreciate the offer, Miss Kanan, but…at this point, I don't think there's anything even the two of us can do, aside from waiting to see what happens."

"Ah. That's always unpleasant. I can see why you're worried. Still, Hakkai-san, don't you think you might do better to simply try to put it out of your mind for now? I can see you're genuinely troubled, but what good is it to sit and fret over it now?"

"It's not me I'm concerned for really." I mumbled, fidgeting with the tablecloth. "It's him. I…I think he's in a lot of danger."

I had been feeling that for a long while, but the things Tai had told me solidified the thought, and then, the way he'd been acting yesterday, so frantic and desperate, pleading with Ash-Calder, screaming at me when I tried to confront him, it had given me a glimpse of just how extenuating the circumstances might be for him.

Kanan reached across to touch my hand.

Startled, I jerked a bit, stared up at her with wide eyes.

Her face was a perfect picture of sympathy and tenderness. "I admire the affection you have for your friend, Hakkai-san, and it's noble of you to be concerned for him, but just now, there's really nothing you can do, correct?"

"No." I husked, feeling somewhat breathless, "Not a thing."

"You're with me right now, and I'd be honored to have your full attention, if I could get it, so perhaps the best thing to do is to set that worry aside, for the time being, order some coffee, and let yourself think on something else a while. Worrying can't change the circumstances one way or another, can it?"

The words filled me with a profound sense of calm, and I managed to take a deep breath and nod, soothed by her gentle voice and light touch, "You're right. There will be plenty of time for me to worry later, I'm sure. I would hate for anything to spoil this meeting."

Kanan smiled again. "So would I, Hakkai-san."

"Please, just call me Hakkai."

"And you may continue to call me Miss Kanan." She answered, teasingly.

It brought a smile to my face, perhaps the truest smile to ever grace my lips.

Kanan laughed.

"Is something funny?" I asked with a chuckle.

"Not at all. But…you should smile more, Hakkai-kun. You're so handsome when you smile like that."

I felt my face turn a bit warm, and I clasped her hand suddenly. "Let's try to enjoy our coffee, shall we?"

After that, I was able to relax a bit and put my concerns out of mind for a little bit, and I found that it was quite pleasant to sit and chat with Kanan. In fact, it seemed to be precisely what I needed.

We really hit it off, as best I could tell, and by the time we were finished at the café, I felt as if we were old friends, and she appeared to be as anxious to see me again as I was to see her, so we made another date to spend some time together in the shopping district at Cheng. Kanan even went to far as to say I could bring my 'funny friend', if I felt like it, and I assured her I'd consider it, although, at the time, I wasn't sure I would. I wouldn't want the rambunctious entity that was Gojyo spoiling my outing with Kanan.

Then we parted ways, and since I was already in An Jin, I decided to go looking for Gojyo. I was still concerned, obviously, and I wanted to make sure everything was okay, but I couldn't help feeling rather carefree as I made the trip down to the slums. There was a spring in my step and a smile on my face that I couldn't seem to shake. The day seemed brighter than it had before, and I thought to myself, _what a nice day it is._

A perfect day, really. I didn't know if there was anything in the world that could ruin this day. My meeting with Kanan had gone better than I'd expected, so perhaps I didn't need to wish on shooting stars in order to achieve my highest hopes.

I reached Gojyo's before I realized it, and then I was smiling all the more. At least today I knew I wouldn't be getting shot at or chased around. Today we might actually be able to just have some fun.

When I knocked at his apartment, he wouldn't answer, but I remembered he hadn't been answering his door lately, so I knocked a few more times, and called him until he finally opened it.

"Alright, alright, man. I'm here, okay?"

"Oh, my apologies. I didn't expect you to still be sleeping at half-past three."

"I wasn't _sleeping_. I'm laying low, remember?

"Ah, of course. How careless of me." I laughed.

"Anyway, what's up?" He sat down on the top step of the stoop, lighting a cigarette. "Didn't get enough of me yesterday?"

"Something like that. Actually, I was wondering how everything went, with you giving the dagger to your boss."

"Great." Gojyo said immediately. "He almost creamed himself, I think."

"And your carte blanche?"

This time, he was a little slower answering, took a deep drag off his cigarette, "I didn't get that yet. Soon though. No big deal."

"In that case, I take it this job of yours is over."

"Pretty much."

Something about the way he said it made me doubtful, but when I searched his face, he just grinned up at me, casually, "You look pretty cheerful today, sunshine. You're _that_ happy to see me, huh?"

I pushed away my doubts and smiled that much more, "Ah, you always make my day, don't you know that? You and all your silly little ways of nearly getting me killed."

Gojyo's smile diminished a bit, and he looked somewhat confused, as if he hadn't been expecting me to shoot a joke back at him. "Yeah. Well, none of that today."

"I certainly hope not. Shall we go out into the hills and expend our energy there, or would you rather lay low here, perhaps fritter away a few hours playing cards?"

"Naw. Let's go uptown."

"Uptown? Why, may I ask, would you want to do that? I thought you were supposed to be keeping off the radar."

"Nobody knows me uptown, and I've been sitting around this place all day."

I spent a couple of minutes trying to talk him out of that idea, but he was insistent about going uptown, and in the end, I was in such a good mood, and I so honestly believed that not a thing could possibly go wrong now, I agreed after very little persuasion

We set off at once, winding our way up out of the slums, joking as we went, and everything seemed fine to me. In fact, everything seemed much better than it had the last couple of times I'd seen him; however, he did continuously glance over his shoulder, as if expecting to find someone tailing us, and once or twice I caught him frowning vaguely in a manner that seemed most uncharacteristic, but as soon as he saw me looking at him, he'd smile again and make some little, off-handed quip, and I told myself it was nothing. After all, it was perfectly natural if he was a bit nervous, even with the job completed, considering the fact that Wu's reward was still drifting somewhere above his head, and because we still passed a wanted poster or two with his face on it, every other street or so. Still, An Jin felt unusually peaceful to me that day—I didn't see nearly as many ruffians in the slums as I normally did, and the streets were quiet. As a result, my cheer persisted, and I found myself laughing and smiling much more than I did on a regular basis.

Gojyo insisted that we go very far north, to the fanciest, richest part of the town, and that was somewhat uncommon in itself, but he said it with such casual fervor, I again, could think nothing of it. I supposed that lying low included getting as far from his own neighborhood as he could. For all I knew, the further uptown we went, the less likely it was that people would be on the lookout for him.

"I must admit." I said with a smile, when we'd gone a ways, "I'm glad to be done with all that dirty work for your boss; I hope you don't think less of me for confessing that I was quite uneasy about the whole thing for some time there."

I waited a moment for him to agree or reciprocate, but he didn't so much as smile back at me, and I proceeded lightly as I could, "Now I can only hope that no ill comes of what you gave him. With any luck, all that talk about those five things needing to never be brought together is only hearsay."

Still, he had nothing to say.

"It _is_ over, isn't it, Gojyo?"

"Yeah, 'course. I'll feel a lot better when I get paid, that's all. I mean, I don't wanna' go through all that shit for nothing."

I smiled understandingly, "I can't blame you, of course. There were some moments when I wasn't sure we were going to make it out alive—it's quite a bit more thrill than I'm accustomed to, personally—but I'll settle for a small portion of the reward, never-the-less."

Gojyo chuckled a little, but it died quickly, and he said, "Let's talk about somethin' else. I don't wanna' think about Dasha or his crappy job today."

Somewhat surprised, I started to ask if anything were wrong after all, but decided against it, and we continued our walk up the hill.

Things were even nicer uptown. I have no idea where everyone was, but the streets were relatively empty, with only a few well-to-do house wives with too much time on their hands, and hardworking, young mothers who'd probably come to get their afternoon shopping done. The sun was warm for winter time, radiating a pale, lovely light, and the air seemed clear and fresh today. It was a fine day for being in the shopping district. It was a fine day to be anywhere.

A truly perfect day.

I looked around at the various shops, window shopping half-heartedly, and Gojyo walked beside me, looking even less interested than I was. "What shall we do here?" I asked eventually, though I wasn't terribly anxious about what we did or where we went. I was all but floating on my high spirits.

"'Dunno. There isn't much to do but shop."

"Are you hungry? It might be a nice day to sit out on the patio and have lunch."

It might be a nice day to do just about anything at all.

The thought had me smiling again.

"Nah, I ate before I left. Maybe I'll look for a coat while we're up here—your lecture finally sank in, y'know?"

"After spending all night on a frozen mountain, I'm not surprised; I_ am_ surprised that you didn't freeze to death that night though."

"I'm not. There's no way I'm getting off that easy."

It was odd. I mean, the words themselves weren't especially unusual to me, since he'd joked in a similar manner before, but something about the _way_ he said it, something in his tone perhaps, hinted at the possibility that this time it wasn't exactly a joke. I stopped smiling and gave him a long, measuring glance, which he didn't seem to pay any heed to.

It had to be a joke.

"Naturally. I for one wouldn't dream of letting you off that easy after you put me through so much. Morbidity aside though, where would you like to look for this coat? Not in the dumpster, I hope."

"Hell, why not the fanciest coat shop in Jin? I feel good today."

Everyone seemed to be feeling good.

"Do you have the money for that? I thought you didn't get paid yet."

Gojyo laughed and grinned and slammed my shoulder, "Nah, not really. Still, won't hurt to look."

"Just so long as you don't intend to _steal_ it. I don't think I can be a party to anymore petty theft."

"It's cool. I'll come back and steal it when you ain't with me." He kept right on grinning, but I got the impression that he wasn't even remotely kidding.

"You didn't have to tell me that." I answered caustically, and I wasn't kidding either.

"Y'know, 'Kai…" He replied after a long, silent moment of smoking, "Ripping shit off…is kind of my normal handle."

I wasn't sure what to say. I guess it was something I should have at least suspected, all things considered, but since I'd never seen him shoplift anything, I had been hoping all along that the Wizard's Medallion he'd stolen from Wu was his first heist. In retrospect, that was rather naïve. His execution of that theft hadn't been masterful, but it had at least been adept enough that I shouldn't have thought he'd never done it before. Then I felt stupid as well; after all, where did I think he got his money?

"Well, I-"

"That's how I met you, y'know. That drunk guy whose nose you busted? He was after me 'cause I swiped his wallet."

The next expression I gave him was shocked and scathing. "I wish you would have had the decency not to tell me that."

"What difference does it make? You gonna' walk out on me now?" He scoffed.

"No, but I could have gone the rest of our relationship not realizing I helped you rob some drunkard blind."

"Look, don't worry about it." He said after a little more time had gone by. "I'm not gonna' steal anything with you around; you've already helped me rip off a ton of shit."

"May I suggest that stealing anything, whether I'm with you or not, is incredibly stupid when you're wanted for so much money? I don't even think you should be showing your face in the daylight."

"Relax, Hakkai. It's really not a big deal."

I didn't see how that could possibly be true, but I let it go, mostly because I didn't want to let anything spoil my mood, but also because a couple of young women were approaching us now. They had come out of a little, custom jewelry store ahead of us, stood in the doorway a few moments, giggling and whispering to each other, and now they seemed to have gathered up the nerve to talk to us. They were both our age, well-dressed, with fancy handbags and perfectly manicured nails. One had long, blue-black hair and green eyes, and she was a bit taller. She took the lead. Her friend had clearly bleached her hair platinum blonde, and she had a pair of lip rings.

Neither of them were anywhere nearly as pretty as Kanan.

"Hi." They purred, almost in unison, as they stopped just a couple feet away from us.

Gojyo was quick to react. He finished his cigarette and threw it down with a flourish, starting another one instantaneously, grinning with five times as much charm as he usually did, and a strange sort of overconfidence took over his mannerisms at once, making him look completely sure of himself. It was exactly how he'd looked when he'd met Liling. "Hey there, ladies. New in Jin?"

Both of them giggled that much more, and the dark-haired girl answered him, "Oh, no. I've lived here my whole life."

"Yeah? That's weird. I thought I knew all the babes in this dump."

She laughed again, extending her hand to him, "I'm Dandan. This is my friend Chinatsu."

He took her hand, kissing it instead of shaking it, "Pretty names. I'm Gojyo. This's Hakkai. Sorry our names ain't as cute as yours."

Chinatsu spoke up at last. Her voice was sweeter than Dandan's, and she blushed, even as she was talking, "I…think your name is cute."

Just when I had thought Gojyo's charm couldn't get any thicker, he turned to her, the smile on his face almost angelic, and she was visibly taken aback by it. "Hey, thanks, sweetheart. Really though, 'Kai's the cute one." He slung his arm around my neck, jerking me into a rough hug, "I just bum around and make all the important decisions."

I thought the girls were going to swoon all over the sidewalk, and frankly, I wasn't sure I understood it. I didn't think Gojyo was saying anything particularly fascinating or witty. I thought he was being something of a clown, personally.

"Yeah, 'Kai?"

For whatever reason, he didn't seem content with making a fool of himself alone, he seemed to want me to join in with his antics. I tried to smile, politely, and respectfully, "Well, I suppose I have seen him make one or two acceptable judgment calls, but in all honestly, I've never considered myself to be the one who stands around and looks pretty."

Both of them laughed that much more, "You boys are funny." Dandan said cheerfully. "Gojyo-kun, would you mind lending me a cigarette?"

"Awe, don't tell me you came all the way over here just for _that_, girly. You might just break my heart."

Her eyes were sparkling as he dug out his cigarettes again, "We'll see."

Gojyo went so far as to light it for her, and she started smoking delicately, which gave me the impression that it wasn't something she did very frequently.

He looked at Chinatsu next, "You, babe?"

The blonde girl blushed even more deeply than before. "Um, no, no thank-you. I-I don't smoke, Gojyo-san."

"Good for you." He winked at her, and then led the way up the street, and the three of us followed him, naturally. It seemed almost as if none of us could help it—he was emanating some sort of magnetism at that moment, and I didn't think anyone could have resisted the urge to see where he went and what he did next, whether it was to steal a winter coat, or to throw rocks at the river. I noticed that Dandan was particularly eager to walk beside him, and she touched his arm as she spoke.

"Thanks, Gojyo-kun. I've had a really hard time getting them lately."

"No worries—I'm a sucker for a pretty lady. You should look me up some time. I can get you a whole carton of smokes, any time, anywhere, for like, a song and a dance."

"Really?" She twirled the tip of her hair around her finger.

"You could say I'm connected."

That at least was an honest statement, but I didn't think it was particularly fair, since Gojyo's connections were anything but fashionable.

Trying not to let it worry me, I turned back to Chinatsu, though I still wasn't all that interested in flirting with her, and I kept thinking about Kanan. "I presume you're both high school students. Are you on some kind of school holiday?"

Chinatsu started to answer, but Dandan interrupted, and I got the feeling she was trying to impress us, "Not us. We're playing hooky today, hon."

"Ooo, a coupla' 'bad girls', huh?" Gojyo said, "I like that. We're a coupla' bad boys."

"Well, maybe we should all be bad together some time." She laughed and took another drag off her cigarette.

"You reading my mind, honey? That's exactly what I was gonna' say next."

I could barely keep from rolling my eyes, but Dandan just smiled, "Well, in that case, why don't I get your number? That way, we can all hang out." She slipped another, quicker smile at me, tucking some hair behind her ear, and then started rummaging through her purse, eventually producing a napkin and a pen, which she handed to Gojyo, "Here. Write your number down."

He tore the napkin in half without a thought, giving one shred back to her, "Only if you write down yours too."

Dandan laughed lightly, and then they took turns using each other's backs as hard surfaces. When they were done, Dandan gave her scrap to Chinatsu, and Gojyo handed me the other, but I declined as politely as I could, "Ah, I'm afraid I don't have a personal phone."

Gojyo raised an eyebrow at me.

"I don't."

He shrugged, and then he and the girls exchanged their respective napkins, with more flirting and giggling throughout. They stood there and talked a while longer, and then announced that they had to be going.

"Talk to you later, I hope." Dandan said sweetly.

"You know it, babe."

Chinatsu waggled her fingers at me in a very feminine wave, and I smiled back at her, then the two of them turned around, walking away, down the road, whispering and laughing at each other, and even when they'd rounded the corner, I could still hear their girlish chatter.

I faced Gojyo, who was stuffing the girls' number napkin into his pocket, grinning much more fiendishly than he had been a few moments ago. "Heh heh. Score."

"Miss Dandan seemed quite interested in you, didn't she?"

"Yeah, she'll make a pretty good one-night-stand."

I frowned at him, "That's all you want from her?"

"Dunno' yet. Maybe she'll be good for a coupla' different times. I ain't looking for a girlfriend or anything, you know."

"Of course not. I wouldn't even think it."

"What about you? That Chinatsu girl seemed like she liked you."

"Do you think so?"

"Hell yeah! She thought you were cute, for sure."

"Be that as it may, do you really think it was wise to hand your number out so indiscriminately?"

Gojyo looked at me like he thought I was joking, even laughed a little, "Yeah, why not? I always do that."

"It's just that, as of late, your life has been in a somewhat precarious position."

He was still laughing, so he must have still thought I was teasing him.

"You have a very large bounty on your head, Gojyo."

That was all it took to wipe the smile off his lips, and he scraped the hair away from his face, a little sheepishly, "Well, yeah, sure, but…giving my number to a couple of girls won't hurt. They look like bounty hunters to _you_?"

"Not them, perhaps, but it is possible they'll sell that information to someone who is, or that they might already be working with someone who's targeted you. Perhaps someone who's targeted _us_."

Gojyo shook his head, "Nah, you worry too much, Hakkai. I think they're just two chicks looking for a good time."

"And perhaps this time you're right, but you may want to keep it in mind for the future. A two-hundred million yen bounty on your head is no laughing matter."

"You're right." He threw his arm around my neck again, starting to walk. "I'll be careful from now on."

"It's entirely your business, of course, but I can't help but point out that it would be stupid to get caught by a pair of teenage girls after everything we went through with Mr. Wu and the relics."

Gojyo laughed that off, for some reason, even though I thought it was a perfectly sensible thing to be concerned about, and then he suggested we go in the candy store up ahead, and I told myself to forget about it as well, because it was just the sort of thing that I couldn't afford to worry about on a perfect day like this one.

"I didn't know you liked candy."

"Sure. Every now and then, when I got the money to waste on it. Or when I'm up this way—this is the best candy store in town."

"Then I take it you _do_ have the money and won't be expecting me to spot you."

"When have I ever asked you to spot me? You always act like you _want _to buy me shit."

"Want may be too strong of a word…" Regardless, I followed him inside, where I watched him purchase several handfuls of cheap, colorful candy with enough sugar to put him in a diabetic coma by the middle of the evening; I chose two or three mild, well-priced chocolates for myself, and then I paid for all of it, explaining that it was only because I thought it didn't make much sense for someone to pay for their own diabetic coma.

"See how you are." Gojyo snorted, but he didn't complain, and he gave me a hurried, never-the-less grateful, smile.

"Well, besides that, I also don't like watching you go through every pocket, looking for the right amount of petty cash. It's frustrating for everyone, I'm sure."

"What can I tell ya'? Hard to get a card when you're living off the grid."

We stood on the bridge and ate our respective sweets, and we were quiet for a while before he asked, "So, is that why you didn't wanna' give those chicks your number? 'Cause of the bounty?"

"Isn't it a good enough reason?"

"I guess it is. I just don't think they're gonna' do that."

I finished one chocolate and folded the other two up in their bag, storing them away for later, "Actually, it wasn't only that. There was also the matter of not wanting to lead her on in any way, especially considering I didn't want even so much as a one night stand out of her."

"Oh, yeah, you still got that other chick you're after, huh? Maybe you-"

"Kanan." I interrupted lightly. "Her name is Kanan."

"Wait. Wait a minute." He turned a wide-eyed look at me, the sucker almost falling out of his mouth, "You met her?"

"Yes. In the morning, before we went into the mountains-it was a wonderful coincidence—and then we arranged to have coffee this afternoon, in that same café where we saw her." The very thought of our rendezvous at the café had me smiling that much more.

"No shit. That's great dude; you gonna' see her again?"

"We plan to see more of each other, yes." I gazed down into the water, thinking of how unfitting my emotionless, proper tone was for such a happy prospect. I did indeed intend to see Kanan again, and that filled me with more hope and joy than I could express. "We've already set up a date for next week, and if that goes well, I'm sure another will follow it."

Gojyo laughed suddenly and pounded me on the back. "Awesome! See, I told ya' it'd work out! So'd you bang her?"

Dumbfounded, I stared back at him a while, struggling to find some way to respond without completely losing my composure. "Did I _what_?"

"Bang her. You know. Get it on. The nasties. Whatever you educated people call it."

"If you're asking whether or not we had sexual intercourse, then I'm terribly sorry to disappoint you, but no. It was merely a get together for coffee."

"Right. Coffee. You don't like ta' fuck on the first date, I get it."

I couldn't help glaring at him this time, and I felt a touch of outrage creeping into me. How dare he suggest such things about Kanan? Kanan was pure and beautiful and intelligent, and besides…

"No, as a matter of fact, I don't. Furthermore, what we did could hardly be considered a date. We're just a pair of acquaintances who got together once for coffee."

"But you're gonna' see her again."

"I hope to, yes."

"And you wanna' bang her eventually."

Giving up, I shook my head, "Gojyo, your lack of ethics when it comes to women is somewhat deplorable."

"I wouldn't go that far. You and me are just looking for different things."

"That's putting it flippantly. Still, I must admit, I don't exactly understand."

"Hell, what's not to get?"

"There's no emotional connection. No search for something deeper. No…_point_ really."

"No point? 'Kai, you ever had sex before?"

I felt warm blood flow up into my face and neck, "Er…no…I…that is, circumstances have never…"

I trailed away, unsure of what to tell him—there were a thousand reasons, at least, for having never done the deed myself. Being raised in a Catholic orphanage hadn't helped matters. I'd never met a woman who'd so much as offered herself to me. As a matter of fact, I hadn't met a woman I'd be interested in having. And besides, I was only sixteen years old. Running wild and copulating with a broad span of partners the way he did seemed irresponsible to me.

Gojyo smirked, "Then you don't know what you're talking about. You have no idea what you're missing."

"Whatever it may be, I'm content to go on missing it until circumstances are right." I said firmly.

After that, I fully expected him to make a big deal out of the matter, to tease me or belittle me the way most male peers would, or to try to convince me that I should change my mind, so I was quite surprise when he smiled—almost contritely, I thought—and barely murmured, "Yeah…"

I studied his face a long while, contemplating the expression and his tone, and it evoked something powerful inside of me: a warm, seemingly magnified version of the affection I already held for him. He was being so him today, and at the same time, so unlike himself. I thought of how he'd acted yesterday, and the day before that, in the mountains, and I was glad that today wasn't like that. I was glad he was smiling and talkative and impudent and safe. Flirting nonchalantly with girls. Talking flippantly about stealing coats. After all, why should I let the petty things he was saying outrage me and in any way diminish the perfection of my day, when I could just as easily allow the fact that he was with me enhance my own happiness? Why worry when I knew it wouldn't fix things? Why be afraid when, as far as I knew, everything was okay now? Why scold if I could be kind instead? Why hate when I could love?

Still that tone, and that expression…so melancholy and out of place in my perfect day…

It was odd enough that I felt the need to question it, "Gojyo, you-"

"Hey!" A man's voice barked, and a large, meaty hand reached out to grab Gojyo's shoulder.

Both of us spun around, I gasping, Gojyo clenching his fists, ready to fight.

"What the-"

Three men had approached us without our noticing. They were bruisers, every one of them over six feet tall, bald and broad shouldered, thick chested, with beefy, rippling biceps and bulky, muscular bodies, and all of them were youkai. The man in front, the one now holding Gojyo's shirt collar, had a black goatee, and the meanest eyes I'd ever seen. His friends looked just like him, with the same slick, shiny heads and cruel expressions. One had a scar running over the crown of his bare head, and the other had a thick nose ring in his septum.

Despite their intimidating appearances, Gojyo relaxed a little, unclenching his fists and shifting his weight to a more casual position, "Fuck you, Bang. What'd you have to sneak up on me for?"

"There's no time to be polite, 'specially not to _you, _hanyou." Bang spat, voice so condescending and demeaning that I almost spoke up in indignation. It was clear from his tone that he didn't hold so much as a shard of respect for Gojyo.

Gojyo pushed his hand off, "Then I don't got the time to be polite _back_." He snarled.

"Don't get cute with me, you little dickhead. Dasha sent me all the way over here to get your ass, so you'd better stow the attitude and just come along, like a good mutt."

_Dasha_? What in the world did he send them for? Why so many of them? Why such brutal looking people in particular? It seemed strange and foreboding to me, enough to make me feel sick to my stomach.

"Excuse me-"

Gojyo interrupted me in a heartbeat, "What's that ass want now?"

"Not my business. If I were you, I'd go and not ask questions."

Gojyo shrugged, stepped forward without anymore objections, and Bang fisted his hand in his shirt again, pulling him into their group so that he was between the three of them.

I took a step after him, "Gojyo."

He just grinned back at me, not looking even remotely bothered, and that made me wonder if he wasn't used to a bit of rough treatment, even among people who were supposed to be on the same side as him.

_Probably._

"No worries, dude. I'll be back."

"Yes, but…are you going to be all right?"

Already they were escorting him away.

"Oh, yeah. It's cool." With one last grin over his shoulder, a brief wave, and a quick, dismissive 'Later, 'Kai', he walked away with them, leaving me there, bewildered and worried, and then, suddenly, the sunlight seemed duller, the air a bit polluted with some pervasive odor, and I felt a chill speeding relentlessly through me.

I watched their group as they made their way around the corner, and out of sight, stood there a while, unsure of what I should do. He said he'd be back, but he hadn't exactly specified when or where. Part of me wanted to follow him and make sure he was alright, but I knew better, and then part of me thought I'd better stay exactly where I was, in case when he came back, it was very literally to that spot. That didn't make much sense, and still, I found it hard to simply walk away and go on with my day after what had just happened. I even went so far as to consider going back to his apartment to see if Banri was there, just in case he knew something about what Dasha wanted.

Three men. That was a heavy escort for one overconfident sixteen-year-old. But such large, powerful, violent-looking men? What could possibly be the meaning of that? Was there any reason I shouldn't be concerned for him?

Concerned or not, there was no way for me to aid him at the moment, and so, after a few minutes, I left the bridge, albeit reluctantly, and turned toward home, but there was a heaviness sitting in my gut now, just beneath my lungs.

My perfect day had just become lonesome and foreboding.


	12. Chapter 12

**Now, some of you who are watching closely are going to start to see similar themes/trends in my fics… I can't explain this phenomenon, outside of the fact that I'm just not very imaginative. Apologies.**

* * *

**12.**

Now this could be the last of all the rides we take  
We don't care about the message or the rules they make  
I'll find you  
**When the Sun Goes Black**

* * *

**Gojyo**

Walking between Bang, Wang and Hung was really nerve-racking. They kept shoving me and laughing at me, and I did my best to stay cool, because the last thing I wanted was for them to know I was scared.

Not that they didn't know already, I guess. Maybe it was obvious. Or maybe they'd done this enough times to know that anyone they personally escorted to Dasha was shitting their pants the whole way.

I'd heard enough stories. I knew that when these three clowns were sent to bring your ass to the boss, that meant you were pretty much expired. Dasha was going to kill you, or worse, and I knew I'd been idiotic thinking there wouldn't be consequences for what I'd done. I told him I would bring him the dagger two days ago, and I hadn't, and now Bang was dragging me around, telling me I'd really, really messed up.

"You shoulda' just got out of town." Hung laughed. He sounded like a barking, snapping wild dog. "If you weren't gonna' show, you might as well have skipped. Man, you're stupid, Gojyo."

I tried to remember why I'd thought I was making the right move, why, at the time, it had seemed like such a good idea to duck around and avoid Dasha for an extra two days. Did I really think I wouldn't pay for it?

The walk to the theater seemed like it took a really, really long time, but I still didn't have enough time to figure a way out of this, and Bang and the others were rough on me the whole way. I hesitated at the door, desperately trying to think of something I could do or say that would get me out of this. Maybe I could pay them off, and they'd just let me go. Maybe I could fight my way out. If I begged, they'd just laugh at me.

Bang hit me across the back of the head, knocking me forward, "Quit your stallin', asshole."

"C'mon guys, gime' a break." I tried to sound like I wasn't begging, but my heart was racing—as I stared into the dark hall of the theater, I thought I'd pass out. My hands were shaking and sweating, my head was itching, and my stomach was tied in knots. What could I do? What could I possibly do?

"March." Hung jammed the barrel of his gun into my upper back, shoving me into the corridor, and I had no choice but to keep walking. If I made them impatient, they'd probably shoot me, but I knew they wouldn't kill me—they'd never dare take that privilege away from Dasha—they'd probably hit me in the arm or the leg or something, just to make me suffer.

I forced myself to keep breathing as we went. Could it be Dasha might just want to talk? He could let me go…if I had the dagger on me, he might, but…

We were already down the hall, heading backstage.

I clenched my fists tightly.

I had it. It just wasn't on me. Would he let me run and get it?

I still didn't want to give the Ruby Dagger to that maniac.

_I don't wanna' die either…_

They practically dragged me into Dasha's room, and I realized I wasn't breathing.

The place seemed darker than usual, and colder too, and I just wanted to close my eyes and pretend I was somewhere else.

"Boss!" Bang called loudly, "We got 'im!"

I looked around, searching every shadow of the stage, but Dasha didn't seem to be there anywhere.

"Looks like he ain't home." I snorted. "Can I come back later?"

Bang hit me again. "Shut up, mutt. Boss? We brought the brat for ya'."

"Good work, master Bang. I'll take it from here." The cold voice answered, so suddenly, it had me jumping and sucking in a startled breath.

I whipped my head around to see Dasha standing off on stage right, where the curtain separated his weird little room from his sleeping space. He had his knife, as usual, and his purple eyes looked like they were glowing; he was stripped from the waist up. He gave me a biting smile as he started toward me, "Gojyo. Did your pathetic, hanyou brain lose track of time, or did I hear you wrong four days ago when you told me you would bring me the Ruby Dagger in _two_?"

"I. No. Just-"

"Don't stammer." He towered over me, glaring down like I was a bug on the sidewalk, "It's not a hard question."

"It took longer than I thought it would." I managed hoarsely.

"But you did succeed in retrieving it, am I right?"

I had to think. I had to decide what to do. I couldn't give him the dagger. I didn't want to die.

Dasha hauled off and punched me in the face, and I tumbled back into the arms of Hung and Wang.

"Hold him."

"Let me go, assholes!" I jerked, trying to wrench away from them, but they were so much bigger and stronger than I was. I liked to think I was tough—I'd never back down from a fight—but I knew I was helpless against them.

I heard the frightening snap of rubber against skin as Dasha pulled a glove on. "I'm waiting."

"Just…what do you need it for?" I demanded.

Dasha back-handed me twice across the face, once in each direction. "You're in no position to ask question, hanyou. You told me two days, it's been four, and _now_ you'd better answer me if you want to save your skin."

I sputtered, "I got it, I got it, okay? I-"

He punched me in the gut, and I doubled over, couldn't even hold my stomach thanks to the assholes gripping my arms.

"Where is it?" He hit me in the head. Then again. And again. "_Where_ is it, Gojyo?" He grabbed my hair, jerking my head up so he could punch me in the face another two times. "Where? Where is it, you little maggot!?"

"At my house!" I managed to scream between blows.

It didn't even matter at the moment that it wasn't true—I couldn't tell him where it really was, I just needed him to stop hitting me.

The next strike hit me right in the forehead, and it was so rough, Hung and Wang lost their grip on me, and I flew back, hitting the floor hard, getting the wind knocked out of me. Dasha stepped through them, silently, stood over me, voice silent as death, "Why. Is it there?"

I writhed, holding my head and trying not to scream.

He kicked me in the stomach.

I coughed and hacked. Couldn't breath. Pain sped up through my torso. He kicked me again, even harder, and I curled up, trying to protect myself as the kicking continued. He kicked me onto my back, nailed me in the side, I rolled a few feet, screaming. It felt like one of my ribs broke.

"Why didn't you bring it to me?"

I sucked in a shaking, painful breath, and it felt like my lungs were full of glass.

Dasha drop kicked me in the head.

It felt like someone hammered a nail through my brain, and my vision went black. When it came back, I could see him above me, a fuzzy, dark shape, and his voice sounded forever away, echoing around me.

"Why, Gojyo?"

"I-I don't know…" I hacked.

"That's not good enough."

"Y-yeah…"

He reached down and grabbed a fistful of my hair, dragging me to my feet, and I could barely stay up, groped around for something to hold onto.

"I warned you about thinking you could keep any of the items for yourself. Do you remember?"

"I-I wasn't…keeping it…" I clawed at his wrist, trying to get him to let go of my hair.

Dasha shook me, threw me against the wall, and I felt something impale my back—a nail or something, I guess-bit back another scream.

He caught me by the shoulders, looking me in the eyes, "Then why?"

"I-I don't gotta' reason…" I lied, coughing more, pressing back against the wall, not caring about the nail, I just wanted away from him.

"That's rather stupid, isn't it?"

I snorted. Blood squirted from my nose, onto the front of my shirt, "Fuck you."

At that, he got this creepy, awful, maniacal smile. He palmed my forehead, slamming my skull against the wall, and before the pain even registered in my brain, he kneed me in the stomach again, and this time I knew my ribs broke. I hit the floor again, on my face and my knees, clutching at my stomach, each ragged pant causing another sharp, hot jab of pain.

Dasha started beating on me mercilessly. He jerked me up by the arm, threw me into Bang and the others again, and while they held me steady, he wailed on me. He hit me in the face and the head and the stomach and chest, slapped my ears, knocked me around, rattled my teeth. Every time I took another blow, I couldn't even think about it, because he was already hitting me again, slamming me down on his knee, smacking my face back and forth, smiling the whole time like he was having a blast. It couldn't have lasted more than a couple of minutes, but it felt like half an hour to me, and by the time he stopped again, blood was gushing down from my hairline, my nose, my lips, even my eyes. My face stung, it had to look like hell by now. I knew my ribs were cracked. My stomach was probably bruised all to shit. But I just took it all, like a bitch, because I didn't know what the fuck else to do.

He hit so much harder than Mom.

_Jien isn't here to save me this time._

Dasha finally eased off, leaning close to my face to ask, "Don't you think it's stupid _now_?"

I spat a wad of blood in his face.

He wiped it away, looking angry and stunned.

It was without a doubt the dumbest thing I could have done at that point, but I was pissed and scared, and I hated feeling scared, and I just wanted him to know… Fuck. It's just that there was nothing else I could do.

"Fuck you, Dasha. I'll give you the dagger when I'm good and ready."

The deranged smile gashing his face got all the more freaky, and he fisted his hand in my hair again, yanking me across the room.

My knees were buckling, my legs felt like noodles, and without Bang holding me up, I really expected to fall flat on my face. I _wanted _to fall. If I did though, he'd just drag me along by the hair, and that would be worse, so I staggered after him as he shoved me toward his bedroom area.

"B-Boss?" Bang called after us, "We're dismissed, right?"

Dasha turned and gave him a venomous look, "Stay right there."

None of them looked happy. They shifted back and forth and kicked at the floor and muttered to each other.

Damn. Even they didn't want to see what Dasha was going to do to me next.

He shoved me past the curtain, and I found myself in a small apartment so dimly lit, I could just barely make out what was in front of me. Not that it was much. Directly in front of me was a big, messy bed with half a dozen pillows and piles of sheets and blankets. Next to that was a crummy little chest of drawers with a clock and a lamp. Hanging off the walls, I saw chains and leather straps and handcuffs.

And that was when my heart finally stopped.

"No. No. No." I tried to plant myself where I was, straining to stop, but he just jerked me forward, threw me down on the bed.

"No, Dasha, no."

I fought to sit up again; he smacked me so hard I fell back against the mattress in a daze. I smelled sweat and cum and urine, a cloud of every grody, bodily scent drifting above me.

Dasha came down on me hard, clenching my wrists in one hand, above my head, straddling me. He was smiling like a psycho still, face just centimeters from mine.

"No!" I bucked back and forth, fighting with every fiber of my being, screams threatening to transform into sobs, writhing and twisting as I desperately tried to escape.

He grabbed my face with his free hand, hissing, "Well, what did you think was going to happen, you pathetic, little cunt? I warned you, didn't I? I told you not to fail, and I told you not to keep anything for yourself. I told you I would make your life a nightmare."

This was definitely something out of a nightmare. I wished it really _were_ just a bad dream.

"Wait. Wait. Just hang on."

His hand slid down my neck, fingernails scraping against my throat, over my chest, down my stomach, to my thigh.

"Wait!" I struggled again, "I didn't fail, Dasha! I got the dagger! It's at my house, remember?"

"But it isn't here, now is it?"

"N-no, not right now." I felt his hand slide across my thigh, up over my crotch, and my body shuddered with horror. I strained to kick him off, but he was too heavy. "But I'll get it. I'll get it. I'll go home and get it. Right now."

His breath feathered across my cheek as he spoke, "Why should I believe you have it? Why should I trust you not to just run away as soon as I let you go?"

"B-because…because I still want my pay."

"Stupid boy. I'm repaying you now." He smashed his lips against mine, sadistically, forcing his tongue into my mouth. I felt his long, youkai teeth scraping against my skin, tried to pull away, but his hand was on my face again, holding me in place.

"J-just leme' go get it…" I begged, when I could speak again.

There was blood smeared on his lips—my blood. "I'm afraid it's just too late for that now. I'll send Bang and the boys to go and get it as soon as I'm finished with you. If it's there, I might just let you go, humiliated and scarred. If it isn't…you'll fall into a black abyss and never be heard from again."

My body trembled at those words. That was it for me—I couldn't tell him where the dagger actually was—and when they went to my house and couldn't find it…

He grabbed my dick.

I couldn't hold back a scream of surprise and outrage, thrashed back and forth, desperately.

"Dasha!"

"That's right." He murmured, mouth next to my ear, hot air flowing down over my neck. "Scream my name. Beg. Cry. There's nothing else you can do, hanyou." He sank his teeth into my neck.

My breath hitched as they sliced through my skin and more blood ran down to my collarbone.

My wrists were bruising from fighting so hard. His hand slid up under my shirt, gliding over my stomach and my chest. I had to do something. I was running out of time. I had to do _something_.

"You don't have to pay me." I was just grasping as straws.

He licked at the blood on my neck. "I _want_ to pay you."

"No…I mean, if you let me go home and get the dagger…we're square."

"Go on. I like listening to your pathetic, desperate pleas."

He stretched the collar of my shirt, kissing and biting my collarbone.

I couldn't help whining a little. "Please. For God's sake. Don't. Do. This."

Dasha just laughed.

He was undoing my jeans now. He popped the button open. He slid the zipper down.

My eyes were burning. I was hysterical. I felt like I just wanted to cry and scream—in a couple of minutes, I probably would be. Out of pure distress, I shouted, "You fucking asshole! I can't believe everything Hakkai and me went through to get that shit for you!"

For some reason…that stopped him.

His hands and his lips froze where they were, and he sat up, searching my eyes.

I laid perfectly still, breathing so hard I thought my lungs might collapse, wrists aching, the tears welling up…

He almost purred, "Hakkai?"

"Wh-what?"

"Is that the human boy you've been running around with?"

"So what if it is?" I husked.

"Hm. Interesting. What is it with that boy, Gojyo? Is he your lover? Is that the source of your violent protest?"

"No." I spat. "No, you sick fuck, Hakkai doesn't have any fuckin' lover. It sure as fuck isn't me."

"I see." He seemed to think a minute.

I tested his grip on my wrists, but it was still too tight for me to escape.

"Now that I'm thinking of it, Gojyo…maybe I'm being a bit hasty. If you say the dagger is nearby—at your apartment—why shouldn't I believe you? After all, you brought the other things to me in a timely manner. You're just a stupid teenager. You were just procrastinating…am I right?"

"Th-that's right." I said automatically—anything to keep this awful thing from happening, "I suck at deadlines."

"One can hardly blame you." He smoothed the hair away from my face, running his thumb across my quivering lips, "Obviously I frighten you."

What wasn't scary about this friggin' homicidal sociopath?

"I'll give you one more chance, understand? Bring me the dagger by five tomorrow evening, and all will be forgiven. I'll even give you your dues."

"D-don't you want me to get it for you now? It won't take me long to run home and-"

"No. Tomorrow at five. And there's only one condition: you must bring that boy, Hakkai, with you."

Immediately my relief slipped away, replaced by wariness, "Why? What do you want with-"

"Sh." He pressed one bony finger to my lips. "You're lucky I'm letting you out of here with your ass intact, aren't you? So don't ask questions. Retrieve the dagger, and your friend, and bring them both here, you'll have what you desire most, and everyone will live happily ever after. There's no reason to be afraid—I just want to talk to him."

"Maybe he doesn't wanna' talk to _you_." I growled.

"Gojyo, I can still make your life miserable, if that's what you want." He gave me a piercing look. "I can make this encounter seem like a walk in the park. If you try to leave town, if you attempt to run away, or if I find that you've lied to me, and if you come here tomorrow _without_ Hakkai, I will cause you both more pain than you can imagine. Do you understand? You'll die before you turn twenty-five, and you'll never see the sun again. That's a promise."

He bent low and gave me one more cold kiss on the mouth, making my stomach turn, and he whispered, "So don't fail me."

With that, he released my wrists and let me up.

I was off the bed as quickly as I could move, legs completely useless, fell on my ass the second my feet touched the floor. I couldn't believe I was getting out of here. I couldn't believe he wasn't going to rape and kill me. My head was spinning, vision swimming. I scrambled up, out of his reach before he could change his mind, and he just watched me emotionlessly.

"Five." He said. "Bring the dagger. Bring Hakkai. _Don't_ mess up."

I shoved past the curtain immediately. Bang and Hung and Wang were gathered there, listening. They all gave me the same wide-eyed, disbelieving look. I was in such a hurry, I was shaking so bad, I crashed into Wang, shoved him off roughly when he reached for me. I sprang down from the stage and practically ran back up the aisle and out of the building.

Out in the fresh air, I ripped my cigarettes out of my hoodie pocket. The pack had been crushed, and a few of them were damaged, but I found one that was still good. My hands were shaking violently.

One puff, and then I was sick, hunched over by the wall, heaving my guts up for a couple of minutes. There wasn't any blood in the puddle when I was done, so I guess I was lucky not to have internal bleeding.

Lucky.

"You're lucky I'm letting you out of here with your ass intact…"

So, so lucky.

_How can this be happening?_ My mind screamed, but I knew it was all my own fault.

Hakkai? What did he want with Hakkai?

Would I be completely betraying him if I brought him here tomorrow?

_Of course you will, dumbass. Just look what Dasha did to _you.

I shoved the hair from my eyes, wiping vomit and blood on my sleeve as I staggered away from the theater. The sun had set, and it was pretty dark out now, the stars appearing in the purple-blue sky. Hakkai told me he had a night class today—I couldn't go to Cheng right now. I couldn't disrupt his class. In the past I had, but tonight…

_No. No. Not tonight._

Home? Should I go home?

No. When I thought about seeing Banri, and how he'd grin and ask me what happened, I just couldn't bear it. The very thought made me want to break down where I was. He might not even be there, I told myself, but it didn't matter very much. I couldn't go home. Not tonight. I couldn't face Banri when he showed up. I couldn't face anyone.

I wandered around town a while, smoking and smoking and smoking, avoiding everyone, making it a point to stay away from anyone I thought I knew. I passed by Tai's bar twice, and I saw her through the window, but I made sure she didn't see me. I wanted to go to her. I wanted to…

I didn't really know what I wanted from Tai anymore. Comfort? Love? Protection? I couldn't tell her what Dasha almost did to me. Not right now. Not when I still felt his hands and his lips on me. Not when my face was all beat to a pulp. Besides, if I went to Tai, she'd shake her head at me and say 'I told you so, Gojyo', because she had. She'd told me years ago not to fuck around with Dasha. She'd cried and told me all about what that freak did to her poor sister, Mai, and she'd begged me not to mess with Dasha, but I hadn't listened, and now he'd done this. What else could she possibly have to say, other than 'I told you so'? Even if she wouldn't, I couldn't face anybody. I didn't want anyone to see me like this. All I really wanted was for someone, somewhere to have a little bit of compassion on me.

I guess I looked pretty bad. Anyone who passed me close enough to see my face gave me a long, awestruck stare. A couple people even tried to stop me and ask if I was okay, but I ignored them and kept walking, letting the night flow over me and the hours pass. I don't even know where all the time went. Before I knew it, the sky was black, and I knew it had to be close to midnight.

I still didn't have any answers. My body felt weak and tired, every step more painful than the last, like someone was stabbing me in the side with a knife each time, and I think it took hours to stop shivering.

Every shadow I saw was an enemy. I jumped when people came near me. A bum asked me for money, and it was all I could do to keep from screaming.

Through it all, only one thought kept circulating through my mind over and over. _What's Dasha want with Hakkai?_

Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't go home. I was running out of cigarettes. I couldn't go to Tai. I didn't have any answers, and I felt so sick and hurt, head heavy as lead.

There was really only one person I wanted to see right now. There was only one person I trusted to look after me and care and not make me feel pathetic about it.

Would I ruin his whole night if I just showed up?

I didn't know. Probably.

_I need to get out of An Jin._

At least, I could go to Cheng and just hang out there until I thought Hakkai's class was over, or something.

Or I could just keep running. Steal some supplies somewhere, and just run to the next town, and the town after that, and the town after that…

I'd never be safe, even if I kept running, but at least I wouldn't have to face everyone I knew like this. At least I wouldn't have them laughing at me and scolding me and _pitying_ me.

No, though. It was way too late to leave now. I'd dragged Hakkai into this, and if I skipped town tonight, who knew what would happen to him because of it. I had to stick around. I didn't have a choice.

_What's that sicko want with Hakkai?_

If I led Hakkai there, if I walked him into a trap, betrayed his trust, if I got him hurt or killed somehow…

Sniffing, I wiped at my nose, and finally sank down in an alleyway, back pressed against the cold, stone wall, holding my knees against my chest.

I just sat there, trying to empty my head, for a long, long time.

You're lucky I'm letting you out of here with your ass intact…

_Lucky._

I didn't feel fucking lucky.

* * *

**Hakkai**

It was still troubling me. I laid in bed and I couldn't stop thinking about it, how those huge youkai men just walked up to Gojyo and took him away, just as easy as that, how he hadn't acted scared, or even bothered. He'd just gone with them, but I wondered…

Now I had no idea where he was, and there was still this terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. Who were those men? What did they want with my friend? They said Dasha sent for him…but was it really necessary to send all three of them to retrieve him? They looked like such harsh people, I could hardly believe it would take all three of them to conduct, scrawny, little Gojyo to Dasha. After all, I knew my friend was a fighter, but he was still only just sixteen, and he probably only weighed a hundred and twenty pounds or so.

_I should take him some breakfast tomorrow._ I thought drowsily.

That way, I could make sure he was okay, and I could give him some much-needed food.

_He had better be okay._

Not that there was anything I could do if it turned out he wasn't. They could kill him tonight, and there'd be nothing I could do, no way to avenge him. I doubted anyone would listen to me. I didn't even know if the authorities could or would do anything.

The thought terrified me beyond all reason.

My day had been going so wonderfully, and that one event had been enough to shatter it entirely. I'd come back to Cheng and paced in my dorm for hours and hours. I'd tried to study, but found myself staring out the window for inordinate periods of time instead. I'd chewed my pen and worried until I felt physically sick, so I'd taken a walk outside, wandering aimlessly about the campus until the sun went down. Classmates approached and tried to talk to me. Quing invited me to go to dinner with him, and I'd accepted, hoping to get my mind off my worries, but while we'd dined, I'd been unable to so much as make offhanded conversation. Quing became frustrated and left abruptly.

I'd returned to my room to keep pacing and staring out the window.

My worry was astounding. There had been something so sinister beneath the surface of that moment. Something I couldn't quite explain. He had behaved as if it were standard routine, but they had looked at him as if they were escorting a criminal to an execution, and there had been so much violence in the way they reached for him and spoke to him and touched him, with hatred all but dripping from their words and expressions.

_You better be okay._

He'd just grinned at me and walked away, so easily.

_"Later, 'Kai."_

I couldn't get those words out of my head. I couldn't make that voice stop ringing through my mind. Later when? What if not? What if…?

I was too afraid to think past that.

Everything was so normal today. He said we got everything we needed. He said everything was done—everything was all right—so why? Why did they come? What were they going to do with him? I wished he would have at least looked like he cared one way or another. He didn't look scared a bit, but he rarely did anyway, and I got the feeling that the calm, devil-may-care way he'd reacted today had little to do with whether or not he was actually afraid.

Why did he have to be that way? Why couldn't he at least let on, one way or another, as to whether or not he was in trouble?

_You'd better be okay, Gojyo._

I heard a faint thud across the room, looked up, expecting Jing-Sheng to come through from his wing, but the door that separated our apartments stayed shut, so perhaps it was just my imagination.

I shut my eyes, trying to sleep. Trying very hard not to worry.

The noise came again. This time, it sounded like it was coming from my window. Like something small and hard had struck the glass. I waited, listening for it again, and when it came once more, I was certain it was at the window, got up, crossed over to look out.

Down below, I saw a figure. The familiar stance and the terse wave told me it was Gojyo.

Breathing a huge sigh of relief, I slid the window open, calling as loudly as I dared, "Come up here."

He shook his head, jerked his hand at me, telling _me_ to come down.

"Oh very well." Anything. As long as he was okay. As long as I got to physically see that he was all right.

I got my coat and put on my boots, pulled a pair of pants on over my sleepwear, and climbed out the window, leapt into the tree, and shimmied my way down.

By then, he'd walked a few yards away, over to the wall, where he was waiting in the shadows, arms folded against the cold, smoking.

It was a chilly night, the moon was bright, reflecting off the snow so that it was almost as bright as daylight outside, and all around me was peace and quiet and beauty. I turned my collar up, crunched through the snow to go to him.

"It's late." I hissed.

"It's only one."

His voice. It sounded strange…so stiff and sullen.

"What happened today?" I asked. I couldn't bear to wonder anymore. I couldn't even think about going through the pleasantries when there was only one thing I wanted to know now.

Gojyo shifted, stayed within the shadow of the wall, and I couldn't so much as see his face, "I…it's a long story."

"Are you okay?"

For a long, long time, he was quiet, and that scared me too, because he was always so quick to brush off my concern, always so eager to insist everything was fine, that he was tough, that nothing _could_ possibly be wrong. It wasn't possible for him to not be okay. Why wouldn't he say so? Why wouldn't he laugh my concern off and tell me everything was fine?

"Gojyo?"

"I don't know." He muttered.

"What do you mean you don't know? How can you not know?"

He still was just standing there. I felt like he wasn't even really looking at me, and I got the feeling he was hiding.

"I just don't know." His voice almost seemed like it was getting quieter with every word, like he was fading away.

"What happened?" I demanded.

Several times, he started to speak, to tell me something, but he didn't make a sound, and gradually, I began to feel afraid.

"Gojyo, what's wrong?"

I heard him sniff, saw him wipe his nose with the back of his wrist, mess with his hair, running his fingers through it, but he didn't comb it back from his forehead like he usually did.

"Gojyo." I grabbed his arm.

He jumped and wrenched out of my grip, lurching back into the wall, like he thought I was going to hurt him.

I stared at his face through the dark. "Hey…"

"Sorry. I…I'm kinda' edgy tonight."

"Why? Is someone after you?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Then what's wrong? What did Dasha want?"

He laughed bitterly, lowered his head, and I thought I saw him shudder, "God…"

"What?" I moved in a little closer, straining to see his face through the shadows. "Gojyo, what is it?"

His voice was sad, "Sorry to worry you, dude. It wasn't that big a deal. Dasha just wanted to…he wanted to know where the dagger was."

"The dagger? But I thought you gave that to him already?"

"Nah. Nah, man…I…" He drew a heavy breath, and I could hear the shakiness in it. It seemed almost pained, in my ears. "I lied. I didn't take it to him yet. I couldn't."

My heart began to pound a bit. "Couldn't? What do you mean?"

"Whatever he wants…whatever that ass is trying to do…I just don't know. But…I just couldn't take him the dagger. So today, he wanted to know where it is. That's all."

"Did you tell him?"

He hesitated a long time, nodded, "Had to."

"And now you're going to take it to him?"

"I have to."

"Then why are you here? I don't understand." I couldn't shake the feeling that something was horribly out of place, and suddenly, I also felt as if someone were sneaking up on me, looked back over my shoulders, one after another, making sure we were alone. The school yard was blissfully empty, the white snow looking almost untouched under the moon light.

"I don't wanna' get you in trouble, Hakkai. I know I'm not supposed to be here…but I wanted to talk to you."

"I'm glad you're here." I said immediately, because God forbid he should think I didn't want him to be here and then go away before I could get to the bottom of this. "I'm glad to see you're okay."

He snorted. "Right. I'm alright."

He didn't sound all right. He sounded…

"What's wrong then?"

Slowly, Gojyo edged forward, lingering just inside the shadow for a second before stepping out into the moonlight and then gradually raising his head without lifting his eyes.

I drew a sharp breath. "My God."

His face was badly bruised, lips swollen, blood was streaked across his cheeks and his forehead, there were scrapes along his neck, and it looked like someone had bit him, just under the jaw.

Hardly thinking, I reached for him, gently tilting his head from side to side, getting a better look at the damage.

Gojyo flinched like I was going to hit him, but other than that, he stood still. I could tell he was holding his breath.

Then I noticed that his clothes were torn and stretched and had bloodstains on them too.

"What did he do to you?" My voice shuddered with fear and horror, but I felt a storm cloud of anger building in me. "What did that maniac do?"

Gojyo shrugged, then he shook his head, he bit his cigarette, he toyed with his hair, he did everything but answer me, and he still wouldn't look at me.

"Gojyo. Are you _okay_?" I demanded, a little more intensely than before.

"I think so… My ribs are busted, but other than that…"

"Why did he do this?"

"I was supposed to take it to him two days ago, and I didn't. I dunno'. He's just impatient."

Impatient? As if. The man was a monster.

"Here." I tugged his sleeve, gently, "Come upstairs."

"No, that's okay. I gotta' get goin' soon."

I gave him a firm look, "You'll do nothing of the kind, all beaten and bloody like this."

"Yeah, but-"

"No buts. Just come." I took him by the arm.

Slowly, tucking his cigarette behind his ear, he started forward, and I saw that he was limping and holding his ribs.

I draped his arm over my neck, supporting him around the waist, and he slumped against me.

"I can't go home." He mumbled, almost to himself, it seemed. "I don't wanna' put up with Banri's bullshit. Besides, I think Wu's watching my place."

"And where's the dagger?"

"I got it stashed some place safe."

I nodded. I wanted to ask him what he planned to do next, if he was going to give it to Dasha, if he thought maybe _now_ was a good time to leave home, but I thought better of it. It would be best not to bombard him with questions when he was in this state. He needed my support now more than ever.

There was no way I was making him climb that tree with his ribs broken, so I took him through the building, and fortunately it was late enough that no one was out and about. I shut and locked my dorm room behind us, then flipped on the light, finally able to see just how severe his injuries were. His hair was matted with blood, his nose was still bleeding, but it didn't look broken, and his lips were busted in a couple different places. The bite mark on his neck was violent and his wrists were bruised too. He refused to look me in the eyes, and I got the sense that he was ashamed to be near me.

Regardless, I pushed him into the bathroom, "Sit down."

He took a seat on the toilet, and I started gathering some first aid supplies: bandages, adhesive bandages, butterfly stitches, peroxide, antibacterial cream, a clean sponge. It was the best I could do.

"You don't hafta'…" His voice trailed away, weakly.

I made sure to keep my own tone strong and reassuring. "I know. Take your shirt off."

He obeyed, but I could tell he was reluctant, and I didn't blame him. His stomach was splotched black and blue, his arms were bruised and scratched, and even his chest was bruised. It was a horrible sight, one that had me choking on my own heart, and my eyes even began to ache a little. How could this have happened on my perfect day, when everything seemed to be so right in the world? Better still, what sort of monster could be responsible for such a terrible act? To what end? Gojyo was just a child; he was rude and irresponsible, but he was also benevolent and good-natured, and he'd never done anything to deserve such brutal treatment. To see him this way was difficult.

"He's insane." I said quietly.

"I know."

Kneeling beside him, I did the best I could to tend his wounds. I cleaned the blood off his face, disinfected the abrasions, placed bandages where they were appropriate.

Gojyo winced as I began sponging the cuts on his face with the peroxide, went so far as to push my hand away, "That hurts, man."

"Stop being a baby. It has to be done." I cocked his head to the side, where the light fell on it better, and went on working.

He winced and whined about it, and cursed, but he sat still for the most part, and I could sense that he was grateful for the attention and the concern, if not the treatment.

I wound some gauze around his broken ribs, although I wasn't sure it would help much, and then tended to the laceration on his throat, "Please tell me a hooker bit you, and not that maniac."

He didn't say anything.

"Even telling me a vampire did it would be better."

"A vampire did it. No worries."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I have to take him the dagger…or he'll really fuck me up."

"When?"

"Tomorrow night."

I finished treating his injuries in silence. I was disturbed by his condition, and by his reaction as well. I'd never seen him so distant and hopeless, and I'd never been more afraid for him. It was particularly horrible considering how cheerful and lively he'd been earlier, flirting with the girls and asking me if I intended to 'bang' Kanan. When I thought of the moment where we'd stood on the bridge, and the sentiments that had welled up inside me there, it hurt me to see him this way.

When I was done, he got up again, slipping his shirt back on over his head, "Thanks man."

"Not at all. I couldn't very well let you walk out of here like that."

He didn't so much as smile at me, and the way he looked at me, I almost felt like he wanted to ask a question. Perhaps something that shouldn't be asked.

"Do you think it's safe for you to go home?"

"I dunno'. Like I said, Wu's probably got my place staked out, and Banri's such a fuckin' asshole…"

"You're really in over your head."

"Yeah." He tugged miserably at his hair, "Yeah, I am."

"What are you going to do?" I asked again.

Gojyo palmed his face suddenly, "I have no idea."

"Well, you're welcome to stay here tonight." I rethought it, "In fact, I think you'd better."

The last thing I wanted was for him to wander off into the night, distraught like this, and fall off the face of the earth. At this point, it seemed that keeping him close was the only thing I could do to protect him.

He didn't answer, but he followed me back into my room, and continued smoking taking a seat at my desk while I fixed up the bed and found another pillow. I felt him watching me.

"I don't wanna' get you in trouble, Hakkai." He said faintly, when some time had gone by.

"Don't be ridiculous. What sort of friend would I be if I just let you go like this?"

After that, he was silent again, and when I turned back to him, he was leaning forward, head in his hands.

"Gojyo? Are you all right?"

"I'm…I'm so fuckin' scared, 'Kai. I don't know if I've ever been this fuckin' scared. If I take that dagger to him tomorrow, that's all five of those crazy things, and I don't know what's gonna' happen, but…I know it won't be good. If I don't go…he's just gonna' hunt me down and do God knows what to me. I don't know what to do—it's out of control. It's all out of control."

"I'll help you." I told him quietly.

He shook his head, "No. No, you don't get it. You have no idea…"

"It hardly matters. I can't let you do this by yourself."

"That's the worst part: he wants me to bring you with me tomorrow."

"Me? But why?"

"I have no idea. I have no idea what that psycho wants from you, but if I don't take you with me I might as well just run as far as I can fuckin' get, he made that pretty clear. Not that it'll matter. He'll catch me some day.

"I never meant to drag you into all this, Hakkai. I swear. I hate that I got you involved in this huge mess, and it's all because I'm just an idiot, and now that psycho wants me to bring you to him—he says he just wants to talk to you, but I don't know if I believe him—and I don't know what the fuck to do."

I felt a bit afraid myself at that. Dasha was certainly not someone I wanted to meet, especially now that I'd seen what he'd done to Gojyo. My heart began to beat a little faster.

"I didn't do this on purpose, Hakkai. I swear to God. I wish I knew what to do."

And yet…

"I'll go with you." I told him, simply.

Gojyo's head snapped up, and he finally looked at me.

"If that's what you have to do in order to get out of this, then so be it."

"No. Hakkai…you don't hafta' do that…"

"I'm well-aware, and it doesn't matter. I'll still go."

"I dunno', man."

"Do you have a better idea?" I asked, rather harshly. "Because it seems that you've completely run yourself out of options."

He lowered his eyes again, nearly whispering, "Yeah, but you shouldn't hafta' pay for my mistakes."

"I'm not. I'll go with you for all the same reasons I've ever gone with you." I leaned closer to him, resting my hand on his shoulder, "Because I know if I don't, you won't come back."

"What difference does it make? Don't you think you might be better off…not having a fuck-up hanyou like me in your life?"

"The two of us could speculate on that possibility all night, but regardless, you _are_ in it now, and you're the first person I ever met that I cared one way or another about having in my life, so I'll do whatever I have to do to keep you there.

"Whatever Dasha wants, it doesn't matter. We'll go there together, and we'll see this thing through, and take responsibility for whatever happens. Deal?"

Gojyo finally smiled, vaguely, "Man, you're crazy."

"You're probably right in that. Now do we have a deal?"

He got up again, shook my hand firmly, "Alright, partner. You got yourself a deal."

"Good. Frankly, I'd feel better if I knew more about these Hallmarks of Discord, but there's not much help for that. If we can obtain some back-up somewhere, we might be better off, but I suppose that's wistful thinking."

"Maybe Tai'll back us up. She's pretty tough, and at least if something goes wrong someone will know what happened to us."

"Tai." I mused. After how our conversation had gone, I had no doubt that she'd be more than willing to help Gojyo, and she did appear strong, if not a little emotional, but most importantly, she could very well be our only choice. I didn't know a single person here in Cheng who could be any assistance. "Banri won't back you up?"

Gojyo shook his head, "I doubt it. Banri's number one concern is himself—there's no way he's sticking his neck out for me."

"Very well then. I suppose we should go speak with Tai tomorrow. What time did you say Dasha wants to see us?"

"Five."

"We have plenty of time at least. Now then, I suggest we get some rest. Something tells me we'll need our strength tomorrow."

"You know it." He grabbed the extra pillow and a blanket, tossed them both down on the floor.

I caught his arm, "The bed, Gojyo."

He gave me his poker face, "What about it?"

"You can sleep in the bed—I'll sleep on the floor."

"Nah, that's okay. I'm not really used to _beds_—you saw my piece of shit cot—I won't be able to sleep on that big, fancy mattress of yours."

"You're injured."

"That doesn't mean I get to take your bed."

"I'm not making you sleep on the floor with broken ribs."

"Yeah, but I didn't come here to steal your bed."

"If I minded, I wouldn't argue with you about it, I would just tell you to go sleep in the corner, and that would be the end of it, so stop being so stubborn and get your fat head in the bed."

Gojyo gave me a short, but never-the-less uncertain look, and then he stared at the bed for a long moment, as if it were some kind of enemy, determined to eat him alive, and I'd just condemned him to the fate.

I studied the bite mark on his neck again, thoughtfully, and when I touched his arm, he flinched, violently.

"It's just a bed."

For a second, he looked rather ruffled, but he composed himself quickly. "Yeah, I know. _Your _bed."

"I'm not going to argue with you about this anymore. I'm going to sleep on the floor now, and if you don't sleep in the bed, no one will. That's all there is to it."

Gojyo sighed and finally conceded to lie down there, face mildly flushed, eyes dropped to one side. He began to say something, several times, but always stopped short, and I set to making my own bed, while he watched me, chewing on his cigarette all the while.

"We could…we could _share_ the bed…I guess."

"That's really not necessary, you know. It's only for tonight."

"Well, yeah. But still. Sleeping on the floor like that's gonna' suck, especially when it's cold like this."

"I expect to survive, and as I said, I'm not going to make you sleep on the floor when your ribs are broken, so you may as well-"

He caught my wrist suddenly.

The touch was so abrupt, I stopped in the middle of everything I was doing, whipped around to look at him.

His head was still lowered, a pained, nervous expression on his face, as if he expected to be judged, and it seemed that he could just barely meet my gaze, "That guy, Hakkai…that asshole pulled some messed up shit on me…"

"If you tell me what I think you're about to tell me, I may just have to kill him." The dark hostility in my voice caught even me off-guard.

Gojyo as well seemed a little surprised by it, and it took him a moment to answer. "No. Didn't happen. But-" He let go of me, just as suddenly as he'd grabbed me, laid down and turned his back to me, "Hell, never mind. I'm just being a pussy. You don't have to sleep on the floor, that's all."

I stood and thought a moment before grabbing up the extra pillow and blanket once more, went to flip the lights off, and then sat down on the edge of the bed, "As long as it's okay with _you_, because frankly, if I can avoid sleeping on the floor, I will, but I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"You won't."

Without another word, I got into the bed next to him, feeling a bit awkward at first, but after I'd laid there for a few minutes, I decided it was nothing to worry about. In fact, there was something rather comforting in lying side by side in the dark, knowing it was cold out and that the world was teeming with evil, and that wicked hands were reaching out to get us. There was camaraderie to it, I suppose, and it fortified my affection for him, slicing through the loneliness that had ruled my life, and I suddenly felt as if I had a brother, something I'd wanted many, many times as a lonely child in the orphanage.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, it's no big deal. This's a twin or something right? It's not like we're on toppa' each other or anything-"

"Not the bed, Gojyo."

It took him a moment to reply, "I'll be all right. I'm just kinda' freaked out, more than anything, and I wish I knew what that creep wants from you."

"I do too, but…" I was whispering suddenly, something about the dark and the solitude and the closeness between us giving me courage, "But whatever it is, I'm glad I met you, and I want you to know that you're my best friend."

Again, he paused, as if he weren't expecting that, and his voice was equally hushed when he answered, "Yeah. You're mine too. I don't wanna' get you in trouble."

"Whatever happens, I could never regret any of this, because these past few months have probably been the best of my life."

"Hn. You really _have_ had a shitty life, huh?"

"Don't talk like that—I'm being serious—you've given me something I never thought I would be fortunate enough to have, and I wouldn't take it back for anything."  
"I just hate thinking I'm getting you in trouble. I've been such a dick, doing this shit for something I can't get back in the first place."

"What do you mean?"

"My brother." His voice was even quieter now, and I could hardly hear him, "Remember I told you he left me behind like four years ago? He saved my life, so I had to leave my hometown, and I've been looking all over for him ever since, but…I haven't got a clue where to go or how to find him, and it's like I never get anywhere. I can't do it by myself, I guess. I don't have the connections, or the power, or even the friggin' _aptitude,_ probably. I feel like I'll never find him."

Softly, I said, "You thought Dasha could find him. that was your carte blanche."

"Pretty dumb, huh?"

"Considering what I _thought_ you were going to get out of all this? No one can blame you for wanting to find your brother."

"It's not worth all this though…if I never find that asshole, it'll be better than letting Dasha use you against me."

"Don't be so bleak. That isn't going to happen."

"Damn straight." His voice took on a hard edge, "I won't let it."

I smiled to myself, sadly. I heard the sincerity in his words, but I also knew that Gojyo was well aware of his weakness and his vulnerabilities, and he had to know as well as I did that he might not be able to prevent whatever his boss had planned. I wasn't much better off either. In fact, I was worse off, being a human, and as much as I wanted to tell myself I'd protect Gojyo, I had to be honest in my realizations. I might not be able to do anything for him.

In the end, we were just a pair of frightened children, straining to look confident, and it could very well be that tomorrow would be our last day to stand beside one another.

The thought must have been in his head too, because Gojyo suddenly turned over to face me, but rather than speaking, he rested his head on my shoulder, draping his arm across my neck, unashamed of his physical affections, as always.

"Sorry."

Slowly, I put my arm around his shoulders, tilted my head so that my chin rested against his forehead.

"For what?"

"For everything. Getting you in trouble. Dragging you into this shit with Dasha. Stealing your bed. It's all so shitty. I'm such a fuck-up."

"Don't worry so much. Everything's going to be fine, I'm sure."

"Yeah, you're right…" He said the words, but I could still feel him shivering in my arms, and I knew that, despite appearances, he was terrified, and he wasn't sure everything was going to be fine. Not at all.

"We're in this together." I reminded him. "To the very end."

With a sigh, he tucked his head under my chin and held on that much tighter, "You're way too nice to me."

"Well, I don't have a choice, you see. I'm not sure I could bear to be cruel to you."

He chuckled a little and was quiet again. After a second, "You gonna' forgive me for bein' so pathetic tonight?"

"Yes, of course."

"I don't sleep with guys, you know. All that stuff shit-head Banri was yammering about on my birthday was just a load of crap. I'm not-"

"Just go to sleep, Gojyo."

He was only silent for a second or two, but at least he'd stopped shaking now. His voice was barely audible, and almost shy in nature, "I just don't wanna' be by myself."

"You aren't—I'm here—and I'm not stupid enough to read into any of this, so just go to sleep, and don't be scared."

"'Kay. Sorry. Sorry."

I made sure my voice was a little kinder as I said, "I just mean, you don't have to worry about it. It's okay."

"All right."

"Goodnight, Gojyo."

It was just a few moments later when I could feel and hear him breathing deeply, right beside me, and then I fell asleep, surrounded by the scent of cigarettes and rain.


	13. Chapter 13

**I just moved, so this has been the only fic I've had the files to work with. My apologies. Hopefully, soon, I'll be able to update Missions and Violent World as well.  
Until then, enjoy.**

* * *

**XIII**

It was a thousand to one and a million to two  
Time to go down in flames, and I'm taking you  
**Closer to the Edge**

* * *

**Gojyo**

I woke up in a strange bed, with an unfamiliar ceiling above me, and another person lying close beside me, the memory of Dasha all over me still so vivid in my mind that for a second, I panicked, sat up, kicking and shoving at the blankets, this super pathetic cry straining to rip free from my chest, somewhere between a scream and a whimper, and then I sat there panting, hair thrown across my face.

Did I dream that?

No… I remembered his nasty, twisting mouth on my lips, I felt the pain coursing through every fiber of my body, looked down and saw the blackish-purple bruises around my wrists, and I knew it was real; just that thought had me gagging and biting back angry sobs.

That son of a bitch.

Hakkai sat up next to me, a second later, eyes wide, hair disheveled from sleep. "What in the world is the matter?"

"Nothin'. I…" I barely turned my head, staring at him out of the corner of my eye, relief flooding me as I recognized him. A friend. Not a sick, maniacal fuck who wanted to…

"Nothin'." I repeated, shoving the hair out of my eyes. I felt around for my cigarettes, remembering that they were still in my hoodie pocket and that was….wherever.

"Did you have a bad dream?" He asked lowly.

I wanted to laugh at that, shove it off. I wanted to be as impenetrable and tough as I'd always been in the past, but the memories were still too close, and Hakkai's soft, compassionate voice had me on the brink of tears.

"No." I forced myself to grin at him just long enough to let him see the smile but nothing else, and then I climbed over him, "Just gotta'…take a piss."

I went into the hall that connected Hakkai's room to his room mate's, rounded the corner into the bathroom, stood there a while, trying to get myself together.

I stared at myself in the mirror. God, I looked like hell, all beat up and scared-looking, bruised and pale, my hair tangled and matted with blood and out of place, face sweating bullets like the grim reaper himself was coming for me. I glanced over my shoulder at the door, a little surprised Hakkai hadn't followed me. If I saw him looking this bad I'd be stuck to his ass all day. He wasn't there though, and I was glad. I didn't want to face him when I looked like shit.

Once I was calmer, I tried to clean myself up a little, splashing water on my face and combing my fingers through my hair, but Hakkai had gotten most of the blood off me last night, and there was no scrubbing away the cuts and bruises around my eyes and mouth.

I was going to keep looking like hell, I guess.

While I was drying my face, I got a little blood on the crisp, white hand towel, held it for a second, like an idiot, trying to decide what to do, and eventually took it with me as I left the room.

Back in the hall, I nearly ran into this tall, serious dude with a stiff shirt and a stuffy haircut. He was quite a bit taller than me, looked about twenty-two. Hakkai's room mate, I guess.

He didn't say a word, just cocked an eyebrow at me, like 'what are _you _doing here?'.

"Sorry, man." I mumbled, stepping around him.

Back in his room, Hakkai was finishing pulling his shirt on, gave me a long, intense look as I entered.

I tried to pretend I didn't see, found my hoodie instead and dug out my cigarettes.

"Are you all right?" he asked eventually.

"Oh. Yeah. I'm good." I started to drape the bloody hand towel over the back of his chair, stopped when I saw the laundry basked, tucked all tidily into the corner, and tossed it there instead. "Um. Sorry about that."

"It's no problem."

"I ran into your room mate too."

"Don't worry about it. Jing won't say anything. Probably."

"Probably?"

"It hardly matters though, since we'll be off in another moment. That is…as long as you feel up to it."

"Yeah, of course I am. Ready whenever you are." I gave him another shitty excuse for a smile, but I could tell from his expression that he saw right through it, so I turned away, pretending to look out the window. I couldn't see anything though—not the bright, morning sunshine, or the crisp, white snow, or even the half-blue, half-gray sky. All I could see were the nightmares and horrific memories that were burning at the back of my eyes. I tried to think of something else, but my mind was overwhelmed.

I guess I'd been pretty pathetic in front of Hakkai last night—I'd even slept in his bed, for fuck's sake—but I had to get it together now. I had to make it through today, even if I was scared shitless of seeing Dasha again.

"Perhaps, if you want to, we should talk about it."

"Talk about what?"

"Whatever it was that had you fighting in your sleep last night."

I half turned back to him, "I was fighting in my sleep?"

"You nearly kicked me out of the bed, at one point." He hesitated a sec, then added quietly, "You were screaming."

My face turned slightly warm, "Screaming what?"

"I don't know exactly. You were just afraid, I suppose."

"Well, I ain't scared now, so don't worry about it."

"Yes, but, Gojyo…"

"I don't really wanna' talk about it, 'Kai."

"I thought not. Still…if you change your mind, please know there's not anything you can't tell me."

"There's nothing to say, that's all. I'm being a wuss."

He was silent another moment, and then I felt his hand on my shoulder, and it startled me. I hadn't known he was so close.

"That's not true, Gojyo. Albeit, I haven't known you very long, but still, I know you're not a weak person, and I can't even begin to think you were screaming in your sleep all night over nothing. But, regardless of whether you want to tell me about it or not, I hope you know that you don't have to be afraid to be honest around me."

I shut my eyes for a moment, remembering that I'd never really been honest with anyone my whole life. There had never been anyone I was comfortable with being weak around.

"You are not alone."

He squeezed my shoulder and let me go.

* * *

Being back in An Jin was making me super nervous. The crowd seemed even more closely-knit than usual, and I felt like everyone was staring at me and whispering to each other about me. I tried to tell myself that they were just horrified because my face was such a mess, but I was way too aware of the reality: most of the people down town were connected to Dasha somehow, and it was possible that a lot of the assholes staring at me were his spies. I couldn't stop glancing over my shoulder every step of the way, scared that if I let my guard down, even for a second, someone would sneak up behind us and nab me, which would suck, or Hakkai, which would be even worse; people would bump or jostle against me, usually just passing by, but it freaked me out every time, and it was hard not to jump all over them and beat the shit out of someone.

I noticed that Hakkai stayed really close to me. No matter how thick the crowd was, or how many people stepped between us, he was always well within arm's reach, at least, if not walking shoulder to shoulder with me. I guess he must have thought that, if someone gave me trouble or tried to steal me, he'd be able to grab me and drag me to safety. Normally, I might have been annoyed, or maybe not noticed at all, but today it was just a huge comfort to have someone that committed fighting on my side. I'd never had anyone care so much before, that they were determined to watch my back, even when we were just walking down the sidewalk together. It made me relax a little, and I went a few blocks, leaning on his shoulder. He didn't even look at me weird.

"It's quite early." He noted, when Tai's bar was in view. "Don't you suppose Tai's at home? I highly doubt there's much business at a bar this early in the day."

"Tai lives at the bar. Above it, anyway. And you'd be surprised about business—mosta' the assholes in this shithole town don't have anything to do but get drunk first thing in the morning anyway."

"Hm. This town never ceases to disgust me. I trust that you'll be packing to leave this all behind when we finish our business with Dasha today."

"Yeah, yeah, you know it." I added silently that it depended on how our business with Dasha ended.

Tai's bar was open, just like I'd said, but it was pretty slow. There were just a handful of patrons sitting in the dining area, having breakfast and drinking Bloody Marys, or some shit. Either way, Hakkai and I were cautious when we entered. Both of us stopped at the door and took a good look around before going any further.

Tai was at the bar, as usual, and she glanced up to greet us when we came in, but the smile froze on her face, turning into horror right away, and she walked quickly around the bar, approaching us. "Gojyo…"

I remembered the face that had looked back at me from the mirror this morning: a freaked out, beat up, miserable, little hanyou kid who looked like hell, and it made me want to turn around and walk right back through that door, too ashamed to face her. Then again…maybe it was just time for me to accept that people would always see me that way, because in the end, that's all I was.

"Gojyo…Gojyo, oh my God."

I forced myself to smile at her, but even I knew how weak it was. "Hey, babe."

"Gojyo…" She grabbed my shoulders, holding me out at arm's length, looking me over with that sick, horrified expression all over her face, "Gojyo, what happened to you?"

"What this? Aw, it's nothin'. Just got in a little fight, that's all."

Her voice was grave, "He did this to you, didn't he? That son of a bitch."

"What? Naw. Like I said. Just a stupid, little fight."

Tai turned to Hakkai, expecting him to give her the truth, no doubt; I don't know what kind of face he made, or if maybe he went so far as to shake his head, but she gathered me up, suddenly, pulling me tight against her, "Oh, baby. I'm so sorry—this is awful."

I found myself buried in her cleavage, felt her hand stroking my hair. Normally, it would have been great—instant boner—but right now, I was so sick and scared, I just wanted to sink into her comfort and pretend I was safe now.

"I'm okay."

She held me out again, searching my eyes a moment, "Can I get you anything? Food? A drink? Some aspirin?"

"I'm fine. Really."

"Baby." Her fingers ran over my bruised jaw, gently, and she smiled, all sad and small and quiet. I saw tears in her eyes, "You don't always have to be so brave."

I felt unbelievably guilty about making her cry, so I just whispered, "It's really not a big deal, Tai. Really."

Already, she was leading me across the room, toward the bar, and Hakkai was right next to me. I'm not gonna' lie, it was kind of nice having people give a shit for a change.

Tai sat me down on a stool, "Both of you just relax; I'll get you some breakfast."

"Thank-you very much, Miss Tai." Hakkai answered, politely.

I kept quiet as she got some food together for us, coming and going between the front room and the back room, and before long, I could smell eggs and bacon. A couple times, I almost stopped her and told her we didn't come for breakfast, but I still felt really bad about making her cry, and if letting her make me breakfast would make her feel better, then whatever. I tapped nervously on the bar and did another scan of the bar, but nobody looked very threatening or suspicious.

Hakkai was quiet too, probably just waiting for me to tell Tai what we needed her to do.

It wasn't too much longer before Tai set out two plates brimming with scrambled eggs, bacon, toast and potatoes in front of us, along with glasses of orange juice.

"Dig in, boys." She smiled, and she looked a little better put together now.

I took a swig of the juice and joked, "Needs vodka."

She dumped a shot of vodka in without a word, which left me speechless, because normally she'd get on my case about drinking too early.

We ate, and she stood by, watching me, and I knew she was studying the cuts and bruises on my face. "What's your next move?" She asked, when I was almost done eating.

I hesitated and took another bite, to buy a couple seconds. "We gotta' go see him in a couple hours."

Tai's eyes turned dark and hard, face mixed with disbelief and careful stoicism. "Go see him? Dasha?"

"Yeah. Dasha."

"Do you mean to tell me that even after _this_, you're still not going to leave town and get away from him? You're going to go _see_ him?"

"Yeah, well…just-"

Hakkai interrupted to explain, "We don't really have much of a choice, Miss Tai."

She gave him a sharp look, "_We_?"

"Tai, look, it ain't that bad, babe. Dasha just wants to talk." I had to fight a shiver even as I spoke the words, because I was about ninety-eight percent sure that I was wrong, and I was really scared of what Dasha actually wanted.

"I can't believe this. Gojyo, you're not really going to go see him, are you?"

I answered as flippantly as I could stand to, "I kinda' have to."

"No. No." Her voice took on a fierce quality, "I've had it with this bullshit, Gojyo—I've tried to look the other way all this time, but this is too much—you're getting out of this town, _today_, right now. I'm going to pack you some food, and you're going to leave. Immediately."

"Tai."

"Don't you dare argue with me." She was already starting to get the supplies together, pulling miscellaneous shit out from beneath the counter, "It doesn't matter where you go, just get out of here."

"Tai, listen to me."

"I understand if you're scared to go by yourself; take Hakkai-kun. Hell, _I'll_ go with you, do you understand? I'll uproot and leave everything behind to go with you, but you have to leave. Do you have any money, or should we-"

"_Tai_. Just listen."

Reluctantly, she faced me.

"I can't skip town—he'll make _this _look like foreplay, I swear to God, he will. When he catches me, he'll…" I couldn't choke out the rest of the awful things I was thinking, and it was really hard to keep myself from shaking, so I just finished, "The best chance I got is to just go over there today, talk to him, and hope that's the end of it."

Tai looked anything but happy. She glanced between Hakkai and me, pursing her lips, before speaking again, "I need to talk to you. Privately."

"Right. Okay." I climbed down from my stool, ribs aching, and followed her around into the storage room.

"What are you thinking?" She demanded, as soon as the door was shut.

"I'm thinking I don't have a choice."

"You really believe Dasha just wants to talk, after what he's already done to you?"

"I'm…really _hoping_ he does."

"And what about Hakkai? You can't take him over there, Gojyo; you _can't_ get him involved with Dasha. That kid has a really bright future ahead of him—anyone can see that—do you want Dasha to ruin his whole life?"

"I don't _want_ to take Hakkai." I lied. I couldn't even imagine walking in there without Hakkai now. "Dasha asked me to bring him."

She looked even more shocked at that. "He asked you to bring Hakkai, and you're actually going to do it? Even after he obviously kicked the shit out of you?"

"Hakkai _offered_ to go." I growled, starting to feel slightly defensive. Did she think I _wanted _to get Hakkai in deep shit?

"That doesn't matter. You know as well as I do that taking him to Dasha is a terrible idea. What if he-"

"It's going to be okay, Tai. Dasha just wants to talk to Hakkai. That's all."

Tai studied me a moment. "Do you actually _know_ that, or are you just saying it to make yourself feel better about dragging him into the middle of this shit?"

"'Course I know. What else would he want with Hakkai? He's not the type Dasha would hire, and that kid doesn't have anything worth taking—he's no better off than anyone who lives down here."

"Still. I think you need to seriously reconsider this, Gojyo. Honestly, it would be best if neither of you went over there, but if you really insist on risking your life again, that's your business. Just don't put Hakkai-kun's life at risk too. That's really, really selfish, Gojyo."

Tiredly, I leaned back against the door, knowing that I had to tell her the truth now, or she wouldn't help me at all. I muttered, "I know that, Tai, but I don't know what else to do. If I don't take Hakkai, Dasha's gonna' be super pissed, and I can't skip town now."

"Why not?" She demanded. "Once and for all, tell me the truth. Why won't you even _try_ to get away from him?"

"I have something he wants, that's why. If I go without giving it to him, he'll come after me, and let's face it, we all know he'll catch up with me, eventually. If he did _this_ to me over pretty much nothing, imagine what he'll do if I skip town today."

Finally, she was quiet, eyes burning solemnly.

"I'm sorry, Tai. I hate to involve you too, but I really, really need your help. It's just the two of us, we don't have anyone to back us up, and if we go there and it turns out he doesn't want to talk, we'll be really screwed. I can live with being screwed, but I can't live with getting Hakkai in trouble."

Maybe that was true. Or, at least, it had been true in the past, but after what Dasha did last night, I didn't think I could live with being screwed either, and I knew I couldn't live with myself if something happened to Hakkai over this stupid crap.

"I'm sorry it's like this…but I don't know what else to do. I don't have any choices." I lowered my eyes.

Tai sighed, placed one hand on my shoulder, "Alright, kid. I'm listening. What do you need me to do?"

"I just need you to cover us, that's all." I hesitated again, and after what I knew had happened to her sister, I really couldn't believe I was asking her to do this. It wasn't fair. None of this was. I almost didn't ask, but I knew that if I tried to go by myself, Hakkai was going to follow me—there was no making him stay behind now—and I needed someone to back us up, even if it was just for his sake. "Just go to the theater with us—you don't even have to go in—hang outside, and we'll see how it all plays out."

Tai stared at me a long time, and I could tell she was scared, maybe just as scared as I was, but she didn't say no. At last, she did say, in an extremely quiet voice, "If that's what you need, Gojyo, that's what I'll do."

Her loyalty made me sad. I answered, just as quietly, "Thanks, babe."

She shook her head, "I don't know why I should. I don't owe you anything, you little shit."

"You're right. You don't."

She grabbed me again, suddenly, hugging me even more tightly than before, and I could feel the fear throbbing in her heart.

"It's gonna' be okay." I whispered, running my hand lightly up her back; I couldn't even consider fucking her now, no matter how many times I'd fantasized about it in the past. "I'll protect you."

Tai laughed, bitterly, "You can't even protect yourself, Gojyo. That's why I have to go, and if that maniac gets his hands on you, I'll die for nothing."

"Who said anything about dying?"

"Don't play dumb; you know as well as I do that Dasha owns this whole town, and you know he'll kill me for helping you."

"Stop it." I pushed her back, trying to sound angry, not scared, "I said I'll protect you, Tai, I swear it. I won't let all this be for nothing."

"Don't you see?" Her eyes were gloomy and dark now, "That's what he expects out of you. That's how he'll get you in the end."

"I don't care what that asshole thinks; you and me are friends, Tai. Remember? I don't let bad shit happen to my friends."

She shook her head, smiling sadly, "You're a really sweet kid, Gojyo. You know that?"

"Me? Sweet?" I tried to laugh it off. "Please. You know better. All of this is my fault."

"You're right about that, but…I have to believe you have a good reason, and who knows? Maybe if we stay strong and hope for the best, this will work out in the end." Something troubled crossed her expression, "You're sure he just wants to talk to Hakkai?"

"Yeah. He told me he just wants to meet him." I'd told her that lie so many times now, I was almost starting to believe it was true.

"What about…that thing you brought here the other night?"

"What about it?"

"That has something to do with all of this, doesn't it?"

"It's one of the things Dasha wanted me to collect for him."

I let go of her and walked across the storage room, toward the very back shelf.

"Gojyo…" She shook her head at me again, "You never should have agreed to collect anything for him. Everyone in town knows you don't do personal favors for Dasha."

"Everyone in town knows it's impossible to _not_ do personal favors for Dasha." I shoved a few boxes aside, reached back to where the Ruby Dagger was hidden, surrounded by bottles and wrapped in a clean cloth. "Thanks for letting me keep this here."

"It looks like I'm doing a lot of things for you these days."

Somehow, if this all worked out like it was supposed to, it might even be worth it.

_Jien. I can still find you. There's still a chance._

* * *

**Hakkai**

The theater was a tall, dark building, made completely out of white stone, built in a western style, with columns and spires and dozens of windows. I'd never seen it before, and I got the feeling Gojyo had purposely kept me away from, not only it, but this part of town as well, seeing how it seemed particularly seedy, with numerous, vile-looking people who, no doubt, had a criminal, belligerent nature. They were all watching us, greedily, their hungry gazes following us down the street; the buildings around us were run-down, decaying, and dysfunctional, crumbling into the stone street, and many of them were marked as condemned, but it seemed that the city had no intention of wasting the money, or the effort, required to demolish them. The streets themselves were also in a state of disrepair, and every corner we passed hosted some degenerate or other, begging for change or booze or drugs. In my mind, this small district of An Jin, was a separate world unto itself, darker and even more perilous than the rest of the city, and Dasha's theater seemed to be the center of that world, regulating everything that transpired, watching all the inhabitants with a fierce, unfeeling eye, and all roads led there, but not away from there, and everything beautiful and joyful and serene ended at the sight of those ominous, dark wood doors and that scarred, corroding stone.

I glanced around for a friendly face, but it was only Gojyo, right beside me, a marked look of determination on his visage. He'd pulled his hair back into a ragged, little pony tail, and he was smoking even more than usual, but he kept a stiff upper lip, and he was always shoulder-to-shoulder with me, and I didn't think it was because of the fear I could all but feel emanating from him; rather, I felt that he was putting ever ounce of resolve and willpower he had into protecting me from the darkness of this world, because he well knew by now, that this sort of grime and destitution was not something I was necessarily used to, but he had stepped into it many times, and whether or not he could walk out again when this was over remained to be seen; regardless, I knew that he wasn't going to let it swallow me.

Tai was several blocks behind us, keeping close to the shadows, but she was always within sight when I looked over my shoulder. I suppose, as long as Dasha didn't realize she was accompanying us, it might give us a bit of an edge, and yet, as I watched the theater grow closer and closer, I was more and more certain that Dasha knew she was there. He likely knew about every organism that so much as flinched in his macabre, little realm.

"Why does he live in a theater?" I asked in a murmuring, cautious voice, afraid that the master of this vileness would hear me if I spoke too loudly.

"He's dramatic like that. Thinks its cool, or intimidating, or something."

"Well, it certainly is odd, though I don't know that I'm particularly intimidated by it."

Dasha was obviously a very deranged man to have taken up residence in a condemned theater, where he now conducted gruesome sorts of business and terrorized teenagers.

Gojyo shook his head slightly, "Me neither. But…believe me, Dasha's creepy enough that he doesn't need it to work."

I accepted that without a word, pondered it. I hadn't wasted much time wondering what Dasha looked or acted like, but now that we were only a few more paces from his doorstep, I found myself trying to picture what this horrible, monstrous man looked like. Human or youkai? Young or old? Fat or fit? Dark or pale? I chanced a glance at Gojyo out of the corner of my eye, taking a long, disgusted look at the ghastly tear in his throat. Anyone who would do such a sick, blood-thirsty thing to someone so youthful and likeable had to have a heart as dark as ink.

Probably a youkai, I thought abstractly.

Rather than going through the front door, Gojyo led me to the alley way and around the corner of the building to a smallish back door, where a man was standing guard. He was tall and bald, smoking something that smelled a lot like cannabis. I recognized him as one of the men who'd come for Gojyo yesterday on the bridge. The one with the thick, shimmering scar on his head. "Gojyo." He coughed gruffly, "Yer early. Dasha said five."

"It's like ten 'til, Hung, you tight-ass."

Hung shook his head, like Gojyo's attitude was a massive disappointment, but he stepped aside, and my friend conducted me inside.

When the door was shut behind us, he whispered at me, "Whatever you do, stick with me."

Again, I sensed that he wasn't looking for my protection, but was looking to shield me instead.

"I'm not leaving you." I said firmly.

Gojyo stopped at another door set near the middle of the dusky hallway. Around us there were scraps of curtains hanging from the ceiling and walls, the wooden floor was rotting and creaky, and our space was narrow. Everything in sight was coated in dust and cobwebs. Instead of entering right away, he paused and turned to me, "Whatever happens in here, dude…I'm just glad I met you. I'm glad you're with me."

"Think nothing of it. I would never let you do this alone."

He put his arm around my neck for a brief moment, "You're a good guy, 'Kai. No matter what Dasha wants…I'm not gonna' let anything bad happen to you in here."

I tried not to let the words frighten me; I had been telling myself that Dasha just wanted to talk to me, and it was a notion Gojyo himself had been promulgating as well, but I wasn't naïve enough to actually believe it, and I was afraid of what he _did_ want, if not to talk. All the same, I answered with a simple, "Nor I to you."

Gojyo grinned at me, but it was a poor, fragmented, ghostly version of itself, and it looked entirely out of place in the gloomy theater corridor. "Right. Let's do this."

With that, Gojyo drew a deep, deep breath, stood utterly still for approximately five seconds, and then pushed the door open, poking his head through and calling, somewhat quietly, "Dasha? I'm back."

I couldn't help but notice the shiver in his voice, regardless of how vague it was.

There was a moment of silence, and then another voice answered, cold as stone and deep like water, "Enter."

Gojyo took another impossibly deep breath, and this time he held it as he pushed the door open the rest of the way and walked in, gesturing for me to follow.

The room I found myself in was strange: large and strange, with an eerie, red cast over it, which I couldn't quite detect the source of, whether it be from red light bulbs, or perhaps from a piece of stained glass, somewhere high above us, and aside from that, it was completely dark, and as I looked out across the floor, I could see rows and rows of seats, so I gathered we were standing on the theater's main stage. The stage itself was divided into two sections by a draping, torn curtain, and the room was a mixture of unpleasant odors, some more familiar than others. I was able to recognize, sweat, sex, stagnant water, and something that was very like a rotting pile of flesh, and it all made me want to back out of the room immediately. On top of the bizarre palette of scents, the auditorium was strikingly cold.

As my eyes adjusted to the light, I perceived that we were not alone in the room. A couple of tall, muscular men were standing at the wall on my left, and Banri was standing opposite them, smoking and looking rather disinterested. At center-stage, there was a tall throne that seemed to be made of iron, or something like it. The chilling voice came from there.

"Did you bring Cho Hakkai?"

Gojyo nodded vigorously, but he didn't speak, and from his body language, I gathered that he was still holding his breath.

After a second, the voice insisted, sharply, "Gojyo?"

"Yeah." Gojyo choked out. "I brought him."

My own stomach felt like it was twisting up in knots at those words, but I held my tongue and tried not to feel afraid.

"Well." A man got up from the throne, smoothly. He was small and somewhat delicate in comparison to those around us, lean, masculine and sinewy, dressed entirely in black—a long, silk dress shirt, which was unbuttoned, and shiny, leather pants. His hair was long and dark as well, and when he turned to face us, I saw gleamingly hungry, amethyst-colored eyes, and a pattern of intricate tattoos covering his torso. His ears and teeth were long, his lips were pale, and there was something decidedly cruel about his presence. "I must admit, I'm honestly surprised, hanyou. I think everyone here thought you'd skip town."

I glanced around at the others who were clustered there. Hung had just come in and joined the others, and they were all staring right back at us, watchfully, and at the ready, as if they expected us to bolt at any given second. Banri was shaking his head ever so slightly, and frowning a bit.

Gojyo hadn't moved a muscle since speaking. His fists were tightly clenched, and judging by his stance, it looked as if he really might make a run for it. "I told you'd I'd come back."

"And do you have my dagger?"

Gojyo hesitated a moment longer, and then drew the dagger from his side, holding it out to Dasha. His hands were trembling too.

The whole room seemed breathless when Dasha took it from him. He let the cloth Gojyo had wrapped it in fall away to the floor, then, with a deep gusty breath, held it up, high above his own head, blood red light glittering on his face as a nasty, sharp-toothed smile crossed his lips. "This is it." He murmured, "The Ruby Dagger. At last."

No one else moved, and even though his men were looking at each other questioningly, none of them spoke. I tried to trade glances with Gojyo, but he was staring, unwaveringly, at Dasha.

Dasha ran his hand over the smooth, shining blade of the dagger, as if he were feeling some power under its surface. "At last." He repeated, strangely.

The eerie silence endured for several more minutes, and we were all shifting uncomfortably, and I was wondering once more what my presence had been requested for, seeing how he hadn't said so much as a word to me, when he finally said, "Well, hanyou. You're a bit more useful than I had expected you to be."

"Um, thanks. So. Job's done, right? We can go, and I'll send ya' the bill later."

It seemed far too ideal that we might be able to come in here and walk away without Dasha so much as saying anything to me, but I was hopeful none-the-less, and when Gojyo backed away a step, I followed suit.

"Don't be so hasty, little ones." Dasha turned to smile at us, nastily. "After all, there's still so much to accomplish."

"Like what?" Gojyo demanded.

"I wouldn't bother yourself with it—you've completed your task, and so this no longer has anything to do with you, and if I were you, I'd leave while you're ahead."

Gojyo didn't move, "What about him?"

Dasha was drawing nearer now, the dagger in hand, and his smile made me feel cold all over as his gaze bore right into me, "Him. Yes. I take it you're Hakkai?"

"Yes." I replied stiffly.

"A human boy from Cheng? Tell me, Hakkai—I've heard quite a bit about you. As I understand it, you're quite an upstanding citizen, not at all like this uncontrollable, little slut here." He reached out to run the back of his hand down Gojyo's jaw to his chin, and my friend jerked away, practically tripping over himself, and just like that, Dasha was standing between us.

I stood my ground. "I don't see what difference it makes what either of us are like."

"My boy, it makes all the difference in the world, believe me. Consider the two of you, for example: a half-blood bastard and an orphaned human. Those things define you—you may not realize it, but they do—and neither of you shall ever be great. You have plans of course. Aspirations. Goals even. But we all know where you'll wind up in ten years—living your lives the same way everyone does, in whatever house you can afford, with a fastly-aging woman for a wife, and a handful of bratty kids who disrespect not only your past experiences, but your dreams as well." He jerked his thumb at Gojyo, "He'll be lucky to get even that. And that's what sets you apart from him, Hakkai-chan. You may not ever be great, but at least there is some value to your life."

More bewildered than anything, I glanced at Gojyo, but he looked just as scared as he had before, and now he looked angry as well.

Dasha went on.

"You see, perhaps you've heard the saying that heroes or not born, but made, or that success isn't something that gets handed to you. It all means the same thing, boys. People are not born great. But I'm inclined to disagree—I believe some people were born to _be_ great, and that it's just a matter of finding the right means to the end. Greatness is something you achieve, and, unfortunately, it's something only a few people are selected to reach."

"What are you talking about?" I questioned at last.

He spoke like I hadn't said a word, "I was born to be great, you see, and from the day I opened my eyes, I knew that to be the truth. So everything in this life that I have done, everything that has ever fallen so perfectly into place, has been so that some day, I could achieve my means. And that day is today.

"Now you." Dasha pointed his finger directly at me, "Will never be a great man, Hakkai-chan, but as I said before, there is still value in your life, because you're good enough to be a part of something bigger than yourself, because in this world, there are leaders, there are followers, and there are those who should step aside for the rest of us. Like your friend here. He has no value whatsoever, nothing special about him that might make him suitable for serving a higher cause, so he's the kind of person you give their share of blood money so that they can scuttle off into obscurity while the rest of us do something important." And then he laughed.

"Shut up, Dasha." Gojyo growled, sounding helpless and furious.

"Don't you want to help me, Hakkai-chan? Don't you want to be a part of something greater than yourself? In the past, maybe there hasn't been much opportunity for you to do something with your life. You've done nothing so far, am I right? But that's no fault of your own, it's just that you're young. I doubt you've even had your first woman yet, am I right?"

By this time, I was just gaping at him. I couldn't even begin to fathom what all his ramblings were about.

He was drawing closer to me now, slowly, step by step, eyes shining even more brightly than before.

"You see, that's how else you differ from Gojyo: with that childish purity."

Dasha reached out to me, and I drew away, instinctively.

"When I look you in the eyes, I can see it. You're untouched." His words were soft, but his smile was vicious and greedy, and all I wanted was to turn and run from him, but his men were standing behind me now. "Innocent."

He was so close I could feel his breath on my skin. It seemed unnaturally cool.

I started to say something, although I wasn't entirely sure what sort of words were going to come choking out of my mouth. At any rate, I didn't get the chance.

Suddenly, Gojyo shouldered his way between us so that we were all sandwiched together, and he was face to face-to-face with Dasha, glaring up at him, ferociously. "Don't even think about it, you fuckin' freak of nature."

Dasha laughed at him, "Gojyo, you don't even know _what_ I'm thinking about."

"Don't hafta' be a genius to figure it out."

"Not a genius, perhaps, but it would help to be a teensy bit smarter."

"Just stay away from him."

"Now, don't tell me you're feeling guilty, Gojyo."

"Guilty? What the hell do _I_ have to feel guilty about?"

"C'mon. You know. You walked your friend all the way from his peaceful, safe home in Cheng, straight into a trap. You brought him to me to save your own hide. In other words, you betrayed him, and you know it, and there's nothing you can do about it now."

I stared at Gojyo, waiting for him to say something, waiting for one of them to explain all of this to me, but Gojyo only snapped, "Just stay away from him, asshole. Got it?"

Dasha gnashed his teeth in the most horrific smile yet, "Oh, Gojyo. There's still so much for you to learn, isn't there? After all, everyone knows you can't have your cake and eat it too."

With a violent backhand, he knocked Gojyo away. The blow must have been harder than I'd been expecting, because my friend fell to the floor and even slid along the stage for a couple of feet.

"Stay out of the way, hanyou."

Dasha brandished the dagger at me, cold eyes like polished steel, took another step toward me, hissing, "This will only hurt for a moment."

"Hakkai!" Gojyo screamed. I got a glimpse of his face in the dim, red light, blood streaming down his nose to his chin. "Run!"

I suppose I could have run. I could have bolted past Dasha, perhaps, and ran across the stage, leapt down and gone for the exit, and maybe, just maybe, outrun them all when they came after me, made it out to Tai, or even all the way to Cheng, where I'd undoubtedly be home-free. But I couldn't leave Gojyo behind, so I didn't run, just took a few substantial steps away, hoping to get out of this insane man's range.

He laughed lowly, then sprang without warning, dagger poised and ready to strike.

I jumped back, sucking in a sharp breath, knowing full-well there was nowhere for me to go, and waiting for the fierce jab of pain the attack would no doubt incur.

Gojyo rammed Dasha with his shoulder, hard, driving him off track and into a cluttered, little table that was sitting off on stage left, but with his broken ribs, I wouldn't be surprised if the move hurt him more than it did Dasha.

He practically crumpled to the ground in front of me, holding his torso and wincing. "Dammit! I said run!"

"I'm not going to leave you here, Gojyo." I said, just as calmly as I possibly could.

"'Course not." He grinned up at me. "You're just getting a head-start. I'll catch up."

"Gojyo-"

"Gojyo!" Dasha screamed. He was just righting himself, knocking things off the table, voice sounding somewhat crazy as he turned around, knife shimmering at his side. "Gojyo, you fuckin' cunt! You'll pay for that!"

His men were closing in around us too now, mumbling and looking like they didn't quite know what else to do. Banri was the only one who stayed on the sidelines.

Gojyo straightened up and stood in front of me, "I told you to stay away from him."

"I'll get him." Dasha snapped his teeth like an animal, "Just as soon as you're out of the way."

"Well then." Gojyo laughed a little. He drew a switchblade from his pocket, popped it open with a defiant snap. "Over my dead body, jerk-off."

"Wait a moment." I grabbed his arm.

"Just get outta' here, 'Kai. I'm sorry I got you into this."

"Gojyo, wait. Wait!"

Completely ignoring me, he wrenched away, running at Dasha in what seemed to me, a very suicidal manner.

Dasha met him head-on, taking a clean swipe at Gojyo's neck, but Gojyo ducked under and feinted right, spinning around in an attempt to stab him in the side.

"Ah, ah." Dasha caught the attack on the hilt of the dagger, shoved Gojyo back and took another stab at him, this time aiming for his shoulder.

Gojyo barely managed to scramble out of the way, and by that time, Dasha was practically on top of him again, hacking and hacking at him, attempting to saw his head right off his shoulders.

My heart was drumming in my chest, and I felt desperately close to screaming myself, my body lurched a number of different times when there was a particularly close call. It looked like Gojyo knew how to handle a knife, which I shouldn't have been surprised about, and his skills looked reasonably sharpened, but I was all too aware of how much smaller his weapon was, and how much faster Dasha moved, and how that awful smile on his pale, thin lips never really went away. Aside from all of that, Gojyo was also still badly injured—his ribs alone would be enough to slow him down a considerable amount-and I could see him losing ground with every dodge and counterattack he made.

Around me, Dasha's men were clustering together, laughing and making speculation, none of them even remotely bothered by this gruesome scene we were all witnessing. I looked desperately for even an ounce of sympathy on any of their faces, but none of them appeared to care in the slightest that their boss was intent on slaughtering a teenager with a knife the size of one of their forearms. My focus fell, eventually, to Banri, who still seemed disinterested at best.

He met my gaze.

"Don't you care?" I choked.

"Why should I?"

"The two of you are…are _friends_, aren't you?"

Banri shrugged, much too coldly, and suddenly I hated him with a passionate, deathless sort of hate. "Goj is in over his head, like always. Not really my business."

"Unbelievable."

Hopefully, I looked toward the door, for Tai, but she didn't appear, and I was beginning to think that maybe I should do something, though I wasn't sure what I could do. I didn't even have a weapon.

_I can't let him do this alone._ I thought miserably, watching Gojyo whirl around again, red hair flying, saliva and blood drizzling down his jaw. He barely managed to dodge under Dasha's latest attack, lost his footing, and for a terrifying second, was kneeling in front of his enemy, breathing hard.

"Gojyo!" I started forward to help him.

Gojyo jumped up, knife firmly in hand. As Dasha was coming down at him, he managed to slip past his defenses, stabbed at Dasha's stomach. He missed and grazed his side instead, but I still saw a dark splash of blood, and Dasha unleashed an angry cry of pain. Fury marred his smiling face, and he kicked Gojyo back, sending him sprawling on the floor again.

The others murmured and moved in.

"That does it." Dasha spat, after inspecting a palm full of his own blood, "Bang. Hung. Wang. Dispose of this…this…_abomination_. At once."

Bang chuckled, cracking his knuckles, and marching toward Gojyo, who was still struggling to pick himself up off the floor. "Oh, I can't tell you how long I've waited for this."

Gojyo rose, unsteadily, holding his knife in one hand and clutching his broken ribs with the other. He spat out a wad of blood, backing up a bit, but there was nowhere for him to go, with Dasha still standing behind him and the other three spreading out to encircle him.

The boss twirled the dagger in one hand, "I warned you to get out while you could, Gojyo. It's not my fault you chose the hard way."

"Fuck you, Dasha." Gojyo snarled.

"Boys." Dasha laughed out loud, "On second thought, leave him alive. I want to make his life a living nightmare."

They all chuckled and laughed and sneered about that, and I saw a violent shudder wrack Gojyo's whole body, and it was, without a doubt, the proverbial 'last straw' for me.

I grabbed the closest thing I could find that so much as resembled a weapon, which happened to be a heavy, brass candlestick, and attacked the first man who reached for Gojyo. It was Hung, I think. I identified him by the long, quivering scar that ran across the top of his bald skull, and when he made his move, I was all over him, beating him down from behind with my impromptu weapon. He shouted and collapsed, didn't move again for a long, long time, while I slipped in to stand side-by-side with Gojyo, wielding my candlestick at them.

"I told you to go." Gojyo's voice was much quieter than before, and I knew how grateful he was that I hadn't listened to him.

"Yes, and I told _you_ I wouldn't leave you. Remember?"

The men were just recovering from the shock of my attack. Wang swore under his breath, "This one's got some balls for a human. Boss?"

Dasha didn't look half as bothered by my audacity as I would have liked him to, and he spoke calmly, "Rough them up, if you like, but keep them alive—I need this ballsy, little human for the sacrifice, and I want Gojyo to see what I do to his friend."

_Sacrifice?_

They wouldn't be deterred any longer. Even Hung was getting up now, cursing and rubbing his head and looking furious.

"Just let him go, Dasha." Gojyo said suddenly, "Whatever sacrifice you're talkin' about, use me, and leave him out of it."

Dasha only laughed at him again, even more rudely than before, "How unexpectedly noble. You know you can't win this just by being brave, Gojyo."

I turned to look at my friend, saw how afraid he really was, the fear shining in his eyes, and he wasn't so much as grinning cockily, like he usually did. He seemed to be holding himself together fairly well, but I could see the truth.

Gently, I shouldered him, just to remind him that I was there—he wasn't alone—he didn't have to do this by himself.

Gojyo slanted a glance at me, and then smiled shakily; I don't know if it was to reassure me, or if he was simply expressing some silent gratitude.

Even so, that shaky, terrified grin gave me some courage too; it reminded me of how young and vulnerable we both were, of the injustices each of us had seen, the pain we'd endured over our lives, and it reminded me once and for all that, no matter what Dasha and Professor Hyoka and Mr. Wu, and even Jing-Sheng thought, Gojyo was a person, just like I was, susceptible to all the same mistakes and weaknesses, and that only fortified my will to fight and to protect him the best I could.

I clutched my candlestick that much tighter.

Dasha must have seen the camaraderie and tenderness between us, and I could see plainly how angry it made him. His whole face was clouded with outrage and fury, as if seeing something even remotely wholesome or kind in his warped, little world made him feel like he was losing control. He practically spat, "Anyway, _Gojyo_, I can't use you for the sacrifice—believe me, there's nothing I'd like more right now than to gut you like the animal you are and watch you bleed out—but I'm afraid you won't work. Still, don't think you're going to get out of this easily. Before this day is over, you'll beg for me to kill you."

Gojyo must not have had any more tough words to exchange with Dasha; he kept silent, adjusting the grip on his knife and shifting his stance so that he looked that much more ready to fight.

With a psychotic hiss, Dasha launched the attack again, and his men followed after him, all four of them coming down on us in a torrent of swings and blows. The boss came right for me, doing his best to carve into me with the Ruby Dagger, and I warded him off with my candlestick, but it was hard. He was a youkai, after all, and I was just a human, and there were many times where I could barely block his attacks, and even more where I had to resort to dodging, and then I lost ground.

My only saving grace was just how relentlessly Gojyo went after Dasha. Every time I was sure I was going to be shredded to pieces, Gojyo was suddenly between us, deflecting the steely swipes of the dagger with his own, tiny blade, and he'd stay between us, defiantly, it seemed, there to personally shove away every attack. That is, until the other three came for him.

I'd never seen such ruthless tactics. They'd come at him from all sides, wrenching and pulling at him, jerking him around by the hair and hitting him in the face or the guts, and little by little, he'd lose ground himself, and Dasha would step around him, and have his shot at me again.

When I had the moment to spare, I'd try to see how Gojyo was fairing against the others. It wasn't a pretty sight at all. He was armed and they weren't so he was holding up all right, lashing out at them, keeping them, for the most part, at a distance, but then again, it was a decided matter of three against one, so they were steadily overpowering him. It made me feel sick, knowing that he was doing all this just to protect me, and suddenly the words of Madame Xiaoli came echoing across time and filling my mind.

"…_a day is coming soon when your heart will break…for in the near future, I see that you will lose someone dear to your heart…"_

_Someone dear to my heart._

Just now, there was no one truly dear to my heart, no one in my life more important than Gojyo, and I wondered if this was what she had seen. I wondered if he would die today, if I would be forced to stand by and watch as Dasha killed him.

"…_you will wish your lifeline were longer and your claws were sharper…"_

I wanted nothing more than to help him, but dealing with Dasha was taking all my concentration and skill, and I knew I couldn't protect Gojyo, because I didn't have any claws at all.

What had I seen in the Wizard's Medallion?

_Darkness and cold and rain hammering on me, my hands drenched in blood as I screamed and cried out to the sky…_

And I still didn't know why.

But my hands…soaked in blood…clawed, like a youkai's.

It didn't make any sense. Did what I'd seen in the Medallion have anything to do with what Madame Xiaoli had said to me? I'd rather not find out, and right now, I'd better focus on staying alive, or Gojyo would be doing this alone.

It wasn't as if I'd never been in a fight before. I suppose I'd had my share at the orphanage, and even a few at Cheng. For the most part, I was never popular with my peers, and at first glance, I knew I appeared intellectual and weak, and there had been numerous times that I'd been the victim of classic bullying. I'd learned enough from those scuffles to count myself a decent fighter, and I'd even gone out of my way to study martial arts, for a bit, as a result. Still, I'd never been in a fight like this before, so sorely outmatched and outnumbered, so desperate and in such danger. I was no youkai, and as much as I didn't like it, I had to face the fact that my opponent was stronger than me by nature, along with being older, bigger, and more skilled, and my only hope to survive would be finding some means of escape.

Since I still couldn't leave Gojyo behind, that meant we'd both need to have the opportunity to run; a distraction would help, but I was about to give up on Tai coming in to help us.

Gojyo had told her to come in after ten or fifteen minutes, if we still hadn't come out, and although I wasn't exactly sure how long it had been, I felt like it had to have been at least ten minutes by now.

Dasha's attacks were getting harder to dodge. I was wearing out, but I had to keep fighting. I caught the next slice of the knife against the candlestick, it slid down the shaft and nearly got my face anyway, forcing me to sidestep. I kicked him in the stomach, aiming for the wound Gojyo had made earlier, and he stumbled, back, sputtering.

I could see the pain and hate in his eyes as he looked up at me, "You'll pay for that, little human."

He fought that much more fiercely after that. Springing forward to slash at me, then suddenly ducking back, feinting from one side to the other, faking swings, twirling around to give them strength, attacking with combos, one slice turning fluidly into the next: at my face, at my stomach, at my arms, and the sheer speed and strength of his maneuvers was exhausting to keep up with. I stumbled away from him, breathing hard and forcing myself to keep going, arms sore and tired from holding up the candlestick. One thing I'd never gotten out of my brief, childhood scuffles was the stamina to keep fighting. It wasn't necessary when some authority figure or other was always stepping in to stop the altercation.

I was edging closer and closer to the wall now. I was running out of room, and my spirit was beginning to lag a bit.

From Dasha's grin, I could see that he sensed how close he was to winning.

Across the stage, Gojyo was surrounded by the other three, putting all his energy into holding them back.

I needed to do something to save myself, as soon as I possibly could.

Sucking in breath after painful, ragged breath, I took another step back, brushing lightly against the wall, let my guard down ever so slightly. "Please…"

Dasha practically laughed at his triumph. He leapt, knife raised high to stab me through the heart.

Gojyo screamed my name. I think he was running toward me, but I didn't have a moment to spare looking.

It took all my will not to scream as well. I bided my time, waited until the last second.

Moments before the Ruby Dagger would have been buried to the hilt in my heart, I sprang to the side. The dagger lodged deep in the wall. Dasha shouted a curse. I turned and struck his wrist as hard as I could with the candlestick, shattering it on impact, and he lost his grip on the weapon.

Howling with the pain, Dasha flinched away from me, holding his damaged wrist and spewing curses. He shambled back a couple of feet, then paced around in an unstable circle, gnashing his teeth.

"There." I heaved. "Perhaps that will teach you. To pick on people. Your own size."

He was panting as well as he faced me again. The expression on his face made my skin crawl. It was wild and deranged, eyes hard and black as coal, looking at me with such passionate hate and such an unbridled desire for murder. I'd never felt so close to death.

Again, he stepped into me, taking a swing with his bare hand.

I tried to dodge, but I was too tired, and I stumbled.

His claws clipped me, tearing across my naval, from stomach to side. Instantly, a mix of ice cold pain and boiling, hot blood washed over me.

Falling back against the wall, I cried out and clutched my wound. I could feel the blood pouring through my fingers and dripping on the floor. I'd never felt such pain, flaming up through my torso and zapping down into my legs. My head felt light from it, my stomach tight with nausea.

"Hakkai!" Gojyo screamed. He was still too far away. They wouldn't let him get to me.

Dasha stood over me, but he wasn't smiling with the thought of victory, he was still giving me that hollow, cold-blooded, murderous look, voice rumbling with hatred as he hissed, "Prepare to die, Hakkai-chan."

I watched him reach for the dagger, and I knew this was the end of me. I tried to think of some regret to dwell on, or some comfort about the afterlife that would rationalize this moment into obscurity, but I could think of nothing, aside from the fact that there would be no tomorrow. No date with Kanan in the shopping district next week. No more playing with Gojyo in the hills. No more beautiful days to look upon. There would be no more me.

Gojyo was screaming still, I think, begging, as a matter of fact, but there was no way such an evil man would ever listen to his desperate pleas, and I think he knew that.

I didn't shrink away or bow my head. I met his eyes and answered him, "Do it, you filthy pig. At least I don't have to be the one who lives with all this innocent blood on my hands."

He gritted his teeth and raised the dagger once more, dark and solid as any angel of death, "I'll see you in hell then."

One of the men shouted suddenly. I think it was Bang. "Boss! Watch it!" He slammed against Dasha, suddenly, seconds before a single gunshot rang out, and the two of them flew head over heels across the stage, landing in an undignified heap.

The bullet hit the wall, just inches from my head, and I stared up at the mark with dismay, because if it had come a half a second earlier, it would have blown through Dasha's skull.


	14. Chapter 14

**XVI  
**'Cause what goes up,  
Must come down  
The problem is I have no bounds  
'Cause  
Sometimes I just take things  
**Way too Far**

* * *

**Gojyo**

I stared at Tai as she stepped through the shadows, boots not making a sound, shoulders squared, gun at the ready. I had been so focused on the fight and Dasha's craziness, I almost forgot she was supposed to be coming to cover us. Made me wonder how long we'd been in here—I'd said ten or fifteen minutes, but knowing Tai, she wouldn't have waited even _that_ long—and I felt like this had been going on forever.

My body. Damn did it hurt. I'd been expecting the worst when we came here, but I still wasn't ready for a fight with Bang and the others. My stupid, broken ribs were aching so bad, I really wanted to just lie down and scream for a while, and my head was that way too. In fact, my whole body was pretty sore and bruised and beaten when we walked in here, thanks to Dasha beating the living hell out of me last night, and now it was going to be twice as bad. Actually, it was a good thing Tai came when she did, whether it was two minutes or twenty. I couldn't take much more of this, and the thought of losing scared the shit out of me.

_Sacrifice…holy shit. Sacrifice._ I remembered the picture I'd found, and my heart pounded that much harder, and all I could think was, _Sacrifice. Holy shit. This mother fucker wants to sacrifice Hakkai._

I didn't get it, and honestly, I didn't give a shit _why_ he wanted to sacrifice Hakkai. I didn't give a shit what the crazy bastard thought he was going to get out of killing my best friend, I just knew that it was my fault Hakkai was in this position now, because I brought him here.

Whatever happened next, I couldn't let Dasha win.

I stared through the shadows, across the stage, to where Hakkai was crouched on the stage, holding the wound on his stomach. I could see some blood on his hand and shirt, his expression was grim and his face was pale, but I had no idea how bad he was hurt, and there were three more people between us, so I was really, really lucky Tai came along when she did.

I looked up at her again, watching as she came steadily through the darkness, her gun quivering ever so slightly. She looked strong and brave and sexy to me, but there was this freaky shakiness to her voice that reminded me that nothing was okay right now, not even with Tai there.

"Get away from them, Dasha." She ordered.

Dasha was pulling himself together again, climbing up off the floor and brushing himself off. He turned around, slowly, glaring daggers at her. "Well, well, what's this? Did little Gojyo actually manage to employ some help with this?"

"You heard me, snake. Get the hell away from the boys, or I'll end your fucked up time on this earth, right here, right now, no dignity, no honor."

He was silent a moment, and we all watched her come further down the aisle, up onto the stage. Eventually, when she'd gotten close enough for him to see who she was, he laughed, "Oh, if it isn't the little barmaid. Is this some kind of _joke_, Gojyo? Getting a little girl to come to your rescue? I mean, just how pathetic _are_ you?"

While everyone was watching Tai move in, I was shuffling, slowly, toward Hakkai, trying to control how freaked out I felt, knowing I wouldn't do him any favors if I fell to pieces now. Wang snarled at me when I inched past him, raising his arms to try to grab me or kill me, or whatever.

Tai fired another shot. I don't know where it went—it sure as hell didn't kill Wang—but it stopped everyone dead in their tracks again, including me, and she raised her voice a little as she repeated herself, "Get away from them!"

Dasha was just laughing, "Oh, come now, Tai. There's nothing you can do for them now, just like there was nothing you could do for your stupid, little sister."  
That froze Tai at the edge of the stage, but she didn't lower her gun. Her voice was hoarse when she answered, "That's not true; I'm here for them, and if you touch them-_either of them_-I'll kill you."

"Really? What is this now? Your way of making up for past mistakes? You never came for your sister—I always thought you were pretty smart because of that—but coming here now, waving a gun around, pitting yourself against _me_ of all people, over two little shits who won't be missed? I think you're not as smart as we all expected. I guess you probably imagine you're being quite brave right now, don't you?"

"I should have come for her." Tai growled darkly, "Whether it was dumb or brave or whatever. I'll never forgive myself for letting you take her, and I'll never forgive _you_, and you'd better believe that I won't let you do the same thing to them."

His voice turned three times as nasty. "Shut the fuck up, you stupid, little bitch. There was nothing anyone could do for your sister, so it doesn't matter if you had the guts to come or not. And if I were you, I'd get out of here while you still can, and don't waste your time worrying about them."

Tai was drawing closer, "I don't think you're listening, Dasha."

"You're the one who isn't listening, Tai. Just look around—you're badly outnumbered, and as if that isn't bad enough, all you've got on your side are this injured human kid, and that pathetic, little hanyou. If you're smart, you'll just get out of here."

I'd heard enough. It was true that we were outnumbered, and the best thing we could hope for was all three of us getting out alive; that meant fighting our way out, and we didn't have a lot of time before Dasha was in complete control of the situation again. We had to do something. Now.

Hakkai was on his feet again. He was breathing hard, but he didn't look like he was dying, so maybe if I could get to him, we could make a run for it while Tai covered us.

I dodged past Wang, suddenly, running toward center stage.

Wang shouted and came after me.

Hung jumped into my path, blood dripping off his head from where Hakkai had hit him, "You ain't goin' nowhere, Gojyo."

I attacked, flipping my knife around and making a crazy attempt at stabbing him in the chest.

Hung turned to the side, letting my attack slide by, and Wang grabbed me from behind, caught my wrist and twisted the knife away from me. I elbowed him in the stomach, but he acted like he didn't even feel it.

Tai started firing, and the two of them scattered, dodging the bullets; Wang dragged me after him, laughing.

"Gojyo!" Hakkai came at us, but he didn't get too far before Bang snatched him up, lifting him a few inches off the ground and putting him in a headlock.

"You'd better re-think your strategy, Tai." Dasha suggested, calmly.

The gunfire faltered.

"You wouldn't want to accidentally kill one of them, now would you?"

Tai hesitated at the edge of the stage, but she didn't lower the gun. "Let them go."

"Heh. Why should I? I'd have to be stupid to give up the one thing keeping you from shooting me right now."

"Nothing's keeping me from shooting you." She snarled, voice sounding so dark and violent, I barely recognized it as hers, and then she started making her way toward him, slowly but surely, the barrel of the gun aimed right at him.

"Don't be an idiot, girl. I thought you came to save them, not condemn them."

"You won't kill them. You need the human for the sacrifice, and if you touch one hair on Gojyo's head, I'm going to shoot you anyway. The only thing you can do to save your life now is to let them go."

"Just shoot 'im anyway, Tai!" I yelled, and Wang tightened his grip around my neck, choking me.

"If you shoot me." Dasha answered, in an icy tone, "My men will kill them, out of spite, so no matter what happens here today, you won't win."

It was starting to look pretty hopeless.

Wang's claws dug into me, aching to tear me to pieces. I could feel my heart slamming against my sternum as I looked around, desperate for some way out of this. Some way for us all to escape, alive.

I noticed Banri standing off to the side, smoking and watching without a word. I couldn't read his expression, but if there was even a tiny chance that he might actually give a shit about what happened to me, I had to take it. "Banri!"

He looked startled. He hadn't been expecting anyone to drag him into this, probably.

"Banri, c'mon, man! Help me!"

Banri shifted and ashed his cigarette. "Gojyo…it's not my fight…"

"C'mon, you asshole, just help me! You don't work for Dasha, remember?"

"Yeah, well I don't wanna' be on his bad side neither, now do I?"

Everyone was quiet, watching our exchange.

I could barely breathe as I stammered, "Y-you're my partner…you dick!" I was shaking all over, feeling the last few moments of my life creep past my body, "You're supposed to have my back!"

Banri shook his head. He threw his cigarette down and headed for backstage without another word.

My heart sank as I watched him go, "Banri! Banri, please!"

Then he was out of sight, and Dasha was laughing at me. "I can't believe you actually thought that would work."

Angrier, and more afraid than ever, I struggled to get away from Wang, but he held me tight; I got a glimpse of Hakkai's face, white and terrified.

Dasha turned back to Tai, "Let's end this stalemate, girly. The boys are going to die no matter what you do next, so just give it up now."

"Tai…" I sputtered, "Just shoot him, Tai!"

She glared back at Dasha, not flinching, for about fifteen seconds, and then she whipped around suddenly, firing three shots right at Hung, who was standing between Bang and Wang. She hit him twice in the chest and once and the stomach, sending him flying back against the wall, where he fell hard and stopped moving.

Next, she fired at Wang, blowing his kneecap out.

He screamed and let go of me, collapsing to the stage floor and cursing, "You bitch!"

"Gojyo! Run!"

She didn't have to tell me twice. The second my feet touched the rotting, wood floor, I was booking it; I leapt from the stage and ran half-way up the aisle before I slid to a halt and turned around to see what would happen next. Whatever Dasha's sacrifice was about, I got the feeling he couldn't just kill Hakkai any old way he wanted, so he was safe, for now, and Tai wasn't backing down. If she shot Dasha, Bang would probably kill Hakkai, but the odds weren't stacked so highly against us now, so maybe if we worked together, we could all get out of this mess.

"Now, Dasha-"

He didn't wait for her to finish.

Dasha rushed her, going right for the gun.

Tai shouted in surprise and fired at him, but he'd already gotten his hand around her wrist, shoved the gun to the side, and the shot flew off to the other side of the stage, echoing all around us.

The two of them grappled over the gun for a minute or two, and I could see Tai losing ground right away. She was great with a firearm, but physically, there was no way for her to outmatch Dasha. On the other hand, his right wrist was broken, so she might have a chance.

He shoved her back toward the edge of the stage.

She managed to step around him to keep from falling off, holding tightly to the gun with one hand, clawing at his face, ferociously, with the other.

Hakkai was screaming and kicking and cheering her on for all he was worth.

I chewed the hell out of my lip as I watched.

If I ran back up there to help her, I'd be right back where I started. Maybe even worse off than that. I had my chance to get out of here now, and I should take it. Even Tai had told me to run. I shouldn't waste my only opportunity to get out of this mess.

Then again. I promised Tai I'd protect her.

I'd only had a handful of real friends in my whole life, and if I ran out on them when the going got tough, I'd be just like that dickhead Banri.

Dasha hit her hard, in the face, knocking her to the floor, and she dragged him down with her. They rolled around and around, doing their best to strangle each other, fighting over the gun. He was on top, pinning her down by the neck. She was still scraping at his face and neck, but she was going to lose if I didn't do something.

I raced back up the aisle and sprang onto the stage, jumping over Wang, who was writhing around on the floor, and ran right up to Dasha, kicking him as hard as I could in the side. "Get offa' her, you piece of shit! Get _off!" _I kicked him again, harder this time. So hard it hurt my foot.

"Gojyo!" Dasha roared. He smacked her, and she slumped down, dazed, and then he got up, wrenching the gun away from her, coming at me with it.

Stumbling, I jumped back from him.

He kept coming, gun aimed right at my head, "You should have run when you had the chance!"

Hakkai was screaming my name. Telling me to go.

I might still have a chance. If I ran for all I was worth, it might save my life. For now. That was what I was used to anyway, wasn't it? Running away, ducking out, hiding from my problems. Who could judge me if I did it one more time?

_If I do that, he'll kill both of them._

No. Running wasn't an option this time.

I ducked around him and ran right at him. It was a gutsy, stupid move, but it might be the only thing that could save me from getting my head blown off.

Dasha fired, and I felt the bullet graze my shoulder. Pain tore down through my arm.

My knife was gone. I jabbed at him with my bare hand.

He managed to dodge, tried to shoot me again.

I sprang to the side, managed to punch him in the jaw.

Howling with rage, Dasha hauled back and pistol whipped me, right across the face.

Instantly, my vision went black. I fell back, into the wall I think, head pounding, like someone was stomping on my head. I slid to the ground, straining to see. There were voices shouting around me, but they sounded like they were really far away, or under water, or something. I shook my head, trying to clear my vision, and then, slowly, as the blackness faded away, a figure started coming into view again.

It was Dasha, standing just a few feet away, and I was staring down the long, dark barrel of Tai's gun. He was hissing something at me, something about how I wasn't even worth keeping alive, and I could see the murderous intent in his eyes. "…goodnight, hanyou."

Breathlessly, I waited for the final bang that would end my life.

It never came though. Instead, Dasha spun around, suddenly, clawing at his back and screaming; I saw a small penknife sticking out of his back, just between his shoulders.

"You bitch!" He managed to get a grip on the knife wrenched it out and threw it down, turned on Tai.

She looked ready to run at the slightest indication of attack.

Dasha took aim and fired.

Tai dove to the side, but this time, she wasn't fast enough.

The bullet grazed her side, and she stumbled, with a yelp, clutching at the wound.

Dasha fired again and again and again. He emptied whatever was left in the clip into her and didn't stop pulling the trigger until it was all gone.

"Tai!" I screamed.

Tai staggered. She clutched her stomach, taking a couple unsteady steps across the stage, but I couldn't tell if she was trying to get away from him or trying to reach me. Either way, she fell down, immediately. She landed with a thud, not so much as twitching.

Somehow then, I was on my feet. "No! Tai!"

I was running. It didn't matter how much my head or my ribs hurt, I was running for all I was worth to get to her, screaming and shouting. I fell on my knees next to her, grabbing her shoulders, gently, to turn her over, cradling her torso in my arms. My voice was small and soft, "Tai?"

Shit, she looked really terrible. He'd shot her at least half a dozen times—there were bullet holes in her chest and her stomach, blood pouring out of all of them, staining her dress and forming a pool around her body. She coughed, body shuddering, and more bright crimson spurted from her lips, gushing down her chin. "Goj…"

"Don't talk. Don't talk." I looked her over, touching the wounds, the fear mounting in me and I realized just how bad she was hurt. There was nothing I could do for her. Not even if I got her out of the theater. "God, Tai… God, why'd you…"

Her beautiful eyes were all hazy from pain now. They looked like thick drops of ink. But she was smiling, reaching for my face, straining to choke out stupid, pointless words. "Go…jyo…"

"Don't talk, stupid! I'm gonna' save you!"

The smile didn't fade as she shook her head, back and forth, very, very slowly, "No…you…won't…"

"Shut up!" I felt like I was going to burst into tears now, "Shut up, Tai! Remember? I told you I wouldn't let this happen! I told you I'd protect you!"

"Gojyo…" She husked. I felt her fingertips touch me lightly on the lips, "I came…to protect…_you_…"

"I don't care! I won't let it end like this, Tai!"

Her eyes were shutting lightly. I felt a shudder of pain and fear tremble through me. "Such…a sweet boy…. Now. Run away….Gojyo. Run. Just…run…" She took a deep, shaky breath. Her body went rigid in my arms. Her hand fell away, and her head rocked to the side, a single tear slid down her face.

"Tai." I leaned close over her, but I didn't feel her breathing anymore, and her blood was staining the front of my shirt. I shook her lightly. "Tai?"

It was no use though. Not even her eyelids were trembling, and her face was already turning pale, and I could feel it, like an emotion, rising up inside me, smothering my heart and my lungs, swelling to the top of my throat and into my mouth. She was dead. She was dead now. I'd gotten her killed. My heart started racing. My body started shaking. My hands were clammy with sweat, tongue bone dry. Tai was dead.

"Tai!" I screamed. I couldn't help it. There was nothing else I could do. The only real friend I'd ever had in this town…the only person other than Hakkai who had been willing to help me… It just wasn't right. It wasn't _fair_. "No, no! Tai!" I fell over her, screaming and clutching at her shirt, burying my face against the bloody crook of her neck, and I couldn't stop shouting and shaking and hating myself for this. It didn't matter who was watching. It didn't matter what happened to me next. Tai was dead, and it was because of me.

Behind me, I heard Dasha speak up softly, the floor creaking under his boots as he approached me, "It's too bad, isn't it, Gojyo? She was a beautiful woman."

I choked back a sob. My throat was aching with the urge to cry.

"I mean, really, such a waste."

Hakkai's voice chimed in, "Gojyo! Get up!"

I knew Dasha was right behind me. Somehow, I knew he had the dagger in hand again, but I couldn't make myself let go of her. I couldn't just walk away and let her turn cold here in this disgusting, evil place.

"She was just another one of those people, I suppose." Dasha went on, quietly.

"Gojyo, please! Move!"

"Too kind for her own good."

I stared down at her beautiful, sleeping face, remembering all the times she'd comforted me, whether I'd wanted her to or not. Tai was kind if nothing else. Was it a crime to be kind? Did it deserve such a violent, unfeeling end?

"_Move_." Hakkai begged. "_Gojyo!_"

"Imagine. Dying for a punk hanyou like you. Such a waste."

He came at me with the dagger. I felt the air around me stir from the attack.

Squinting my eyes shut, I let her go, screaming, all but dropped her on the floor, and then I was up again. The dagger breezed past my face, and I attacked, swinging at him, then kicking him in the stomach. Dasha looked so shocked, he didn't even try to defend himself, and I went at him like I was rabid, throwing blow after blow. I didn't care if he killed me now—I just wanted to hurt him as much as I possibly could before I died.

I grabbed the front of his shirt, swung him around, slammed him into the wall. I buried my fist in his gut, then smacked him in the eye, snapping his head back.

Dasha's eyes came alive with fury, but I didn't care about that. I dodged and ducked under the dagger, feeling it cut my hair and my clothes, and it didn't even matter. One of us was going to die today, and it might as well be me.

I clocked him in the jaw next, bruising his lips pretty bad.

"Enough!" Dasha screamed. "I've had as much of you as I can stand, hanyou!"

He knocked my next blow away, grabbed my wrist and twisted it, raised the dagger to stab me in the stomach.

I screamed too, but not because I was afraid to die. Because I was just that damn pissed off and hurt over what happened to Tai, and now, seconds before my death, screaming was the only thing I could do.

There was a blinding flash of silver, followed almost immediately by the sweet sing of steel swinging through the air. Dasha's blow didn't fall, and suddenly a man with a long sword was between us, staring Dasha right in the eyes. He knocked the dagger away, kicked Dasha back, and grabbed me under the arm, all in the same breath.

"Who the fuck are you?" Dasha demanded, when he'd gotten his footing again.

I stared up at the new guy. Something about him was familiar. Yeah. I'd seen him before.

"You!" I gasped.

The man threw me to the side, well out of Dasha's reach, and went at Bang next, sword drawn back, ready to cut his big, ugly head off.

Bang screamed, shoving Hakkai forward.

Dasha was outraged. "Bang! You idiot!"

The Village Leader of Ying caught Hakkai easily, pushed him aside, over to where I was, and shouted at us, "You two run!"

He didn't have to say it twice.

"Let's go!" I grabbed Hakkai's wrist, yanking him toward the edge of the stage, and we practically fell off of it, together, hit the ground running.

"After them!" Dasha's voice boomed after us.

"C'mon, boys!" Bang cried.

I chanced a look back over my shoulder, saw a flood of men rushing out from backstage and running after us, Bang leading them. The village leader was right at our heels. He still had his katana out, and his face was a mask of determination and calm. "Quickly." He hurried us through the doors and back out into the street, where another line of Dasha's men were waiting.

They attacked at once, coming at us from all sides.

I stopped, shoes sliding on the pavement, grabbed Hakkai to stop him too. It looked like he was bleeding worse than ever, and in the fading sunlight, his skin was extra pale.

"Get them!" Bang was shouting behind us.

The village leader stepped forward, cleaving through the first man in front of us, then urged us forward, "Go! I'll hold them off."

Hakkai tried to argue, "But sir-"

"At once!" He pushed me.

"C'mon, 'Kai!" I hauled him through the gap in their line, and sprinted up the street, turned down the next alley, but there was a group of men already standing there. I don't know if they were waiting for us or if they just happened to be there, but they were definitely Dasha's men, and when they saw us, they charged.

"Fuck!" I doubled back, all but dragging Hakkai with me.

The village leader was occupied with Bang and the twenty men following him, so he couldn't help. The fresh group behind us was too close for comfort, and Hakkai was staggering a lot from pain, or blood loss, or fear, or whatever. My heart felt like it was going to tear its way out of my throat as I shot down the street and took another corner. I heard them shouting and jeering behind us. _Right_ behind us.

"Shit."

I took another corner at random, and then another, but I couldn't lose them. My ribs were hurting so bad, I wasn't sure how long I'd be able to run for. I felt dizzy. My vision was fuzzy. I knew I had to keep running until I collapsed…I just didn't know how long that would take.

_We're fucked._ I thought. _We're so fucked._

Now we weren't even going in the right direction, just running desperately and blindly through Dasha's neighborhood, where pretty much everyone was under his pay. It didn't look good for us at all.

As we were passing another alley, a hand suddenly reached out and caught me, dragging me into the dark.

I yelped out of surprise and fear, found my mouth covered by a rough, clawed hand, and a familiar voice hissed in my ear, "Shaddup, if ya' wanna' live, Goj."

_Banri?_

Already, he was shoving me forward, deeper into the alley. I lost my grip on Hakkai. It was too dark to see either of them. I didn't get it. I didn't understand what was happening, but Banri's grip on me was rough and unfriendly, and I couldn't help remembering what he'd said about the price on my head.

I tried to fight him off, but he was too strong, and I was already so tired.

Banri took his hand off my mouth to smack me upside my throbbing head.

"Banri, don't-"

He hefted me off the ground, throwing me over his shoulder.

"Hey-"

"I said shut up. This is the last time I stick my neck out for you, got it, baby boy?"

"You-"

Before I could even grasp the situation, he was throwing back the lid of a dumpster, tossing me inside. I landed in a reeking, soft pile of trash, floundered around a while, trying to sit up, and then Hakkai came down on top of me, and an unbearable spike of pain jolted through my ribs. It hurt so much I couldn't even find the voice to scream.

Banri's head was just a silhouette against the twilight sky above us, frame by the open mouth of the dumpster. I saw the orange spark of his cigarette gleaming in his mouth, "Whatever you do, dumb ass, just don't go home tonight."

With that, he slammed the dumpster lid, shutting us in with the putrid reek of rancid meat and old piss.

I heard footsteps racing over the pavement outside. Then more. I heard Bang shouting and knew that the mob was getting close.

Hakkai and I huddled together, and I held my breath. Hakkai clenched my wrist tightly.

"Find them!" Bang's muffled voice cried, "Whatever it takes!"

"Over here!" Banri called out suddenly. "I saw 'em go this way, boss."

"Where?"

"Down this way—quick."

The footsteps drew nearer and nearer, and then the voices were right outside. I heard people brushing against the outside of the dumpster.

My heartbeat was so loud and painful, I thought they'd be able to hear it.

"C'mon." Banri yelled. "We don't wanna' lose them!"

Slowly, the steps faded away, further down the alley, and then the voices too. A long time passed, and there was silence, but Hakkai and me stayed where we were, holding on to each other tightly, and then, when some time had passed, I finally whispered, "I-I think he led them away…"

Hakkai didn't say anything about that, just gasped, "Can we please get out of this reeking trash bin now?"

I stood up carefully, knees quivering, pushed the top of the dumpster open just an inch or two, and peeked out, honestly expecting to see Bang and everybody standing there, waiting, with Banri grinning and laughing at me.

The alley was empty, the blue light of evening making it look serene and lonely.

"Great. Let's get out of here." I chuffed, pushing the lid open the rest of the way and scrambling out. I had to pull Hakkai out, and then, with another long look around, we started to run again, and we ran for a very long time.

Just once, I stopped to look back at the white tower of the theater, shuddering as I thought about Tai, lying cold and dead inside.

* * *

**Hakkai**

I wasn't sure how long we ran, or how far, actually. In truth, I didn't even really know what direction we were going, whether Gojyo had a safe location in mind, or if he was, in fact, just pulling me with him in any random direction, as I sensed he was. I decided to let him worry about that while I focused on blocking out the pain my injury was causing me.

The wound wasn't terribly deep or even all that dangerous, as best I could tell, but it would slow me down, and in this situation, I couldn't afford to have any handicaps whatsoever.

As we ran, neither of us said a word, and we kept close to the shadows, avoiding strangers; I was all too aware of the fact that we had no allies, and that meant that anyone we crossed paths with was one-hundred percent more likely to be against us than for us.

By the time we finally stopped running, and Gojyo let go of me, we were on the northern outskirts of the city; we'd passed uptown, climbed the hill, and now we were in that lonely district of town, north of the river, inhabited by neither rich man nor scum, with modest buildings and dogs barking arbitrarily, green-toned street lamps, and unpaved roads. An area more rural than anything. It was peaceful and quiet, and, above all, lonesome.

Gojyo stopped where he was to lean heavily against the wall, and I stumbled past him, fitting my hand over the wound in my stomach and trying to catch my breath. I could see the open grasslands ahead of us, and in the distance, the lights of Cheng, burning with a far-off tranquility that made me ache to be in my dorm, safe and sound, with the lamp on, studying and drenched in blissful ignorance.

Some part of me felt as if I could never go back there, no matter how I longed to.

"It looks like we lost them." I heaved, finally beginning to catch my breath.

We were lucky to have gotten away alive, and I realized I'd never been in such a dangerous situation before, and it made me genuinely grateful to have my life. I was particularly lucky, considering the fact that Dasha _had_ wanted to kill me specifically, and had actually managed to slice me

I turned to Gojyo to ask if he thought we'd be safe now, but stopped myself.

He was huddled on the ground, back against the wall, with his arms folded across his knees and his head sunk against his wrists. I saw that he was shaking, and there were dark, blotchy stains of blood all over his clothes, but I had no idea if it was theirs, his, or mine.

"Are you okay?" I took a step toward him, an overwhelming sense of concern flooding me. He'd shown me once and for all how strong he was in the face off against Dasha, and he'd also proved his loyalty and determination to defend me, even when I couldn't defend myself, and was therefore now imbedded in my mind as not just a frivolous playmate or a casual acquaintance, but a real, tried and true friend, and I hated to even consider the possibility that he might be hurting right now, in any manner.

Gojyo didn't make any indication to show if he'd heard me or not.

I felt shocked and worn out too. My body was aching, my legs throbbing, and my bruised face stung, and the wound in my stomach was shivering with pain.

"Did he hurt you?"

Gojyo just shook his head.

I thought he might just be afraid. He'd been afraid since last night, and even though he'd done a good job of controlling it at the theater, it could be catching up with him now.

Of course, there were plenty of other things for him to be sullen about at the moment.

"Gojyo…I don't want to be insensitive, but do you think you're able to keep moving?"

Very slowly, Gojyo got up, face hidden by his long curtain of crimson hair, knees buckling so violently, I thought he was going to collapse, moved forward to lend him some support, but he pulled away, wordlessly, beginning to walk.

I followed closely, observing as he fumbled with a cigarette. He dropped it twice before getting it in his mouth, and then he couldn't seem to get his lighter to work, stopped when he'd only gone a few feet, leaning heavily on the wall, with his back to me, struggling to light the cigarette.

At last, I caught his wrist, "Here. Let me do that."

"Fuck it." He said suddenly, throwing the cigarette down and grinding it beneath the heel of his boot.

I studied his face. His lips were bleeding, and his eye was a little bruised, but nowhere nearly as bad as mine, the fresh wounds of today blending with the remnants of the beating from last night, his frown was severe, and he wouldn't look at me.

"Are you sure you're all right?" I asked, a bit more softly.

Gojyo jerked his head in a tense nod.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Tai." He said at last, voice so tight, I almost didn't recognize it. "Tai's dead."

"Yes, I know." I remembered how he'd cradled her limp body, and screamed, my heart bleeding for it. For her. I'd known her only very briefly, but she had seemed like a sweet woman, compassionate to a fault, brave, and she had truly cared for him. In the end, she had died protecting him. Both of us, really, but more than anything, him. That would, undoubtedly, be a difficult thing to bear.

"I'm sorry, Gojyo." The words slipped out, even when I knew how inadequate they were.

"She didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve to die… Not because of me."

Resting a hand on his shoulder, I soothed, "It's okay."

"No. No, it's not okay, Hakkai. How can you say that?" He kept his gaze cast to the ground, but I saw the emotions starting to taking over his face, cheeks flushing with them. I watched in disbelief as his eyes began to fill. "I got her killed." He choked. "I got Tai killed. How is that okay?"

I answered quietly, "It wasn't your fault."

A single tear ran down his bruised cheek, but he swiped it away, angrily. "So whose fault was it? She was trying to help _me._ She never would have been there if it hadn't been for me."

"Yes, but you can't take all the blame for that. After all, she chose to be there. She _wanted_ to help."

His face was drawn with pure agony now, teeth clenched, tears threatening to fall, and I expected him to burst into tears at any given second. His body convulsed from emotion, as if he were fighting to suppress a sob.

"And you. I almost got you killed too!" He slammed his fist against the brick wall, "Why am I such a fucking idiot? Why didn't I listen to you? Maybe if I'd listened this wouldn't have happened. But no, I have to be so goddamn stupid all the time, so you got the shit kicked outta' you, and Tai…Tai's dead!"

I stared at him, as he continued to choke and curse, hitting the wall over and over, and the fact that he wasn't crying was just astounding to me when it looked like he really wanted to and really should have been. I could only assume he was forcing himself not to. It all left me not quite knowing how to react.

"What can't I ever listen to anyone? Why am I always being a dumbass? I'm just lucky you're not dead too! He wanted to kill you, Hakkai—he was going to do it! And I brought him the fucking knife he was gonna' do it with! If he'd done it—if he actually killed you—I don't know what the fuck I would do, dude! Fuck! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I am just a fucking curse! Just a fuckin' waste of space!"

At last, not knowing what else I could do, I stepped into him, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him against me, tightly, one hand threading through his hair. I didn't expect him to accept the embrace, by any means, although, I didn't exactly think he'd reject it either, so I was surprised when he wound his arms, immediately, around my chest, grabbing fistfuls of my jacket and hanging on tightly. Another sob racked his body, and it shuddered between us.

"I'm so sorry." He said again, "I'm so, so sorry, Hakkai."

"Sh." I dared to pet his hair, thinking wildly of anything I might be able to do to calm him down. I'd never seen him so hysterical, and it bothered me more than I ever would have thought it might. Gojyo was supposed to grin and laugh and tease and be careless and easygoing and flippant.

_It must really hurt._ I thought inattentively.

Gojyo leaned forward, resting his forehead against my shoulder, sucking in a harsh, strained breath that was heavy with emotions he refused to let go of.

I held on all the more tightly.

"I'm really, really sorry, dude."

"Gojyo, please try to calm down. I understand you're upset, but believe it or not, I am not holding this against you."

"He stabbed you." He moaned.

"Dasha is responsible for what he did to me, and to you, and to Tai as well, and more importantly, Tai and I chose to go there, because neither of us believed you're a waste. It's clear to me that he hates the fact that anyone in the world cares for you, and that makes you the victim, not the villain."

He took a deep, ragged breath, face still pressed into my coat, "Yeah, but-"

"You had no idea what his real intentions were, of that I have no doubt, and although you're angry with yourself because I got hurt, obviously letting you go alone was out of the question."

That was an understatement. I knew now, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that if he'd gone by himself today, I never would have seen him again.

Gojyo seemed to be holding his breath, attempting to calm down, but I could still feel him shaking.

I whispered, close to his ear, "While I'm at it, I greatly disapprove of hearing my dearest friend in the world being referred to as an idiot, a curse or a waste; if you were anyone else I'd knock your lights out for it. Is that clear?"

He nodded stiffly.

"Good."

Shutting my eyes, I held onto him a moment longer, and I too felt overwhelmed by pain and fear.

"I am sorry about Tai, Gojyo—truly—and I want to believe that, in time, we'll be able to repay her killer for what he's done, but in the meantime, we have to try to keep our heads, or we'll be next. I suggest we go back to Cheng now and plan our next move."

All things considered, I didn't know if Cheng was the best place for us to regroup, but at the moment, it hardly mattered. I was injured, Gojyo was beside himself, we had no allies in this mess, and we needed to go some place safe. I thought Cheng was removed enough from the vileness controlling An Jin that Dasha might not have any power there.

"That is, unless you know of somewhere better."

"Naw." He mumbled, finally pulling away from me, took a swipe at his nose, and then his hair, and I could see he was somewhat ashamed of himself, but he added a quiet, "Thanks, man."

"Think absolutely nothing of it." I wanted to add something more, but I didn't think emotional gush was necessary at the moment, so all I said was, "You'd do the same for me."

"In a heartbeat." He agreed with a type of solemnity very uncharacteristic of Gojyo, and then he produced another cigarette, lit it effortlessly, and asked, "You cool to walk to Cheng?"

"It's just a flesh wound—I'll be all right. When we get there, I'll have to find someone to dress it, but until then, I'll live."

"Then what're we waiting for?" It was the type of frivolous thing he was supposed to say, but the tone was still all wrong, and I had a feeling that the day's events were going to wear hard on him.

He led the way up the alley, and I followed at his heels.

The two of us proceeded with a note of caution, constantly checking ourselves, glancing around, and looking over our shoulders for any sign of the men who had been hunting us, but as far as I could tell, we really were alone.

"Dasha was even crazier than I expected." I told him in passing.

"Yeah. He's a real barrel of monkeys, huh?"

"After the state you arrived in last night, I expected someone sadistic and perhaps criminally insane, but I think his insanity transcends any words I know. He's an outright sociopath."

"I hate him. Fuck, do I hate him."

"I can see why. What I don't understand is why you've been working for him."

Gojyo sighed, emitting a thick stream of smoke, "Dasha runs this town, Hakkai. All the upstanding citizens don't know it—they probably don't even know he exists—but if you're anything less than an upstanding citizen, you're working for Dasha, one way or another. I mean, prostitutes, drug dealers, even small-timey pick pockets, all of 'em deal with Dasha on some level, even if it ain't face-to-face."

"Yes, but you _do_ work with him face-to-face, and often enough that the two of you clearly despise each other."

"Yeah, well I got Banri to thank for that. We were doing cool in a different town until a couple years ago or so, then that ass got in trouble and we had to skip, so we came here. We tried running our own racket for a while, ripping shit off and fixing card games, screwing around with the local chicks and whatever, but we learned pretty soon that if you live in An Jin, you better either have an honest job, or be ready to work for Dasha, 'cause he doesn't put up with competition, no matter how small it is.

"Banri's a coward. He convinced me that working for Dasha would be the best thing for us, financially and every other way he could pronounce. Even though, from the start, I didn't like the idea of messing with that snake. He said it would be temporary, that we'd move on after a couple of months, and not worry about it."

"But obviously, you didn't."

Gojyo shook his head. "Nah. We got sucked in too deep. See, this is how Dasha's operation works. He sits at the top of the food chain, fucking and sleeping and eating all day, and then he's got guys like Bang to be his eyes and ears. There are people under Bang who do things a little less important, and then there are guys like me and Banri who are sort of in the know, but we're still just grunts. Then you got people—kids mostly—who work for the guys like me and Banri, and probably don't know anything about Dasha.

"There're all kinds of different jobs to do—drugs, petty theft, armed robbery, assassination, prostitution, whatever. Doesn't matter, because no matter what you do, Dasha takes sixty percent of what you make—or seventy or eighty, depending on how he's feeling—and sends you out like you're his little bitch.

"So there you go." He threw his cigarette down, disgusted, "I wound up working for Dasha because I happened to be in this town, and I happen to make a living by gambling and stealing."

"I suppose getting a legitimate job is completely out of the question." I murmured, trying very hard not to sound too judgmental.

"Not in Jin. Not a run away, hanyou orphan. If I tried to get a job in this town, I'd probably get treated like shit anyway, or I'd wind up in some damn foster home or orphanage."

For a moment, I considered the mess he'd gotten himself into, and the way it was all turning out, and the fact that his life was at stake, and then I said, "Maybe that wouldn't be the worst thing in the world."

"And maybe it _would_." He looked at me sharply.

"At any rate, it would be better than nearly getting yourself killed by an oversexed megalomaniac."

Gojyo shook his head, so I knew he didn't agree, or thought I didn't understand, or something, but he probably didn't feel like arguing the point, so he said, "Dasha didn't like me from the start. He didn't like that I'm a hanyou, he didn't like that I'm good at what I do, he didn't like my personality, and he hated the fact that I wasn't scared of him, so my guess is, he wanted to break me or, kill me, or at least show me that I _should_ be scared. He put me and Banri high enough on the ladder that we'd have to see him at least once a week, but low enough to get kicked around by everyone else. We all agreed that we were just sub-contractors, working for him temporarily, and that when we decided to leave An Jin, it would be a clean break off. We should have known that wasn't possible. Like I said before, you don't just walk out on Dasha; once you agree to do something for him, that dick thinks he owns you, and he treats you like you're just another thing he can use and trash later."

For a moment, he smoked in silence, and when he spoke again, his voice was quiet, "I never should have done it. I should have shook off the dust from this shithole, walked out on Dasha, walked out on _Banri_ if I had to, and never looked back. That's what my gut told me to do, and I wish like everything I'd listened."

"Why didn't you?"

Gojyo shook his head, "Because. I didn't wanna' be alone. Pathetic, huh?"

"No."

"Either way. I definitely shouldn't have started doing personal favors for him. The more personal the favor, the more he thinks you belong to him, and I've done some very personal shit for Dasha."

"The Five Hallmarks?"

"They were just the icing on the cake. Damn, dude, I've robbed and fought and cheated and damn near _fucked_ in the name of Dasha. I did it because he made it sound like I didn't have a choice, and because Banri swore he had my back. He swore up and down nothing was gonna' happen, 'cause he wasn't gonna' let it." Gojyo laughed bitterly.

Today I'd seen how well Banri 'had his back'. He'd begged him for help, and Banri had just walked away.

Of course, he had helped us out later; I wondered if, somewhere, deep inside, he might actually recognize the position he'd gotten Gojyo into, and if maybe he actually felt some slight remorse over it.

"What do you think we should do next?" I asked after a few minutes. The moon was starting to rise, and the wind was picking up, and I felt dead tired, but I knew better than to think this nightmare was over.

"I have no idea." Gojyo admitted, sounding ridiculously unhappy. "Guess we could try to-"

He stopped suddenly, and I almost tripped over him. "Hey-"

"What was that?"

"What? I didn't hear anything."

Instead of answering, he turned around, hurriedly, reaching for his knife. He searched his jeans for a moment, and then swore under his breath, apparently not finding it.

We stood there, shoulder to shoulder, staring back down the way we'd come. The path was shrouded in darkness, and it looked deserted, but now I heard a sound as well. There seemed to be footsteps coming from somewhere nearby, getting closer and closer by the second.

"Do you think they found us?" I whispered.

Gojyo shook his head, voice tight, "Dunno'."

"It could just be a local, out for a stroll. It isn't that late yet."

"I freakin' hope so."

We stood stark still for another second or two, listening. The sound stopped suddenly, and I didn't hear it again. Gojyo broke the silence with a hiss, "Let's get outta' here." He grabbed my arm, turned to run, stopped hard, stumbling back with a yelp, and we almost fell down together.

A tall, dark man was standing there, blocking our path, smoking a pipe. I saw the sword on his back and the top knot on his head.

"It's you." I gasped.

"What the hell, man?" Gojyo demanded, furiously, "What'd you have to sneak up on us for?"

The man drew on his pipe, speaking calmly, "Pay closer attention from now one—I've been following you for over a half an hour—if I was an enemy, you'd be captured by this time."

"Oh yeah? Who do you think you are, Mr-"

"Gojyo, please." I interrupted with a brief hand on his shoulder, then bowed slightly to the man, "Excuse us, sir, it's been a long, difficult day. Still, we cannot overlook the fact that you saved our lives earlier, and we are indebted to you for it."

Gojyo looked at me a while, and then his body language relaxed, "Yeah, I guess that's true. Thanks, man."

Another moment passed, the village leader spoke once more, "I warned you little fools not to tamper with the Hallmarks of Discord. I wish you'd listened."

"Yeah, well I wish it were as simple as just listening." Gojyo snapped, "What the hell do you want from us now anyway? Or am I supposed to believe you came to the rescue today out of the goodness of your heart?"

"Do you have to be so rude?" I asked him tiredly.

The village leader took a step forward, and Gojyo flinched back.

"Listen to me, boys, closely. You and I are on the same side—it could be we got off on the wrong foot, and I do regret the scene in my village several months ago, but believe me when I say that all I want now is take back what belongs to me."

"The Book of the Ancients?" I questioned, a little nervously.

Gojyo snorted, "I told you already—I don't have it anymore."

"No, but I suspect that the man who tried to kill you both today does, and judging from what I witnessed in that theater, I presume he has the other four Hallmarks as well."

We were both silent. The answer was obvious, I suppose.

The man sighed, "My name is Gen-Tang, I am the village leader of Ying, and I'm being fully honest in my desire to help you both."

I decided it would be best if I took over the talking, even if I was incredibly tired by this time, "I'm Cho Hakkai, and this is Sha Gojyo. As you can see, we need all the help we can get, but right now, personally, I would like to know more about these objects of discord, and what Dasha is trying to accomplish with them."

"Those are questions you both should have asked long ago, and then perhaps this wouldn't be happening to you, but I suppose it's better late than never.

"The Five Hallmarks of Discord exist as separate objects, each with their own fantastic origin, though, some of them have been in this world so long, it has since been forgotten how they came to be here. As you've already seen, they have their own unique power, to grant either wisdom or super natural strength. For centuries, it has been rumored that, once brought together, the Hallmarks of Discord can endow an entirely different kind of power, one that makes their individual function seem petty and unimportant."

"Such as what?"

"According to mythology, whoever gathers them together will undergo a spiritual transformation, in which they will be granted unmatched strength, boundless wisdom, and life everlasting. It's been a very long time since they were brought together, because the wise ones of the world have done the best they could to keep them far away from each other. It has taken over a thousand years for them all to have reached this region."

"Does it really work?" Gojyo asked. "Having all five of those things will actually do something?"

"So they say. Once, a terrible war was fought, just to keep that from happening."

"Yeah, but they're all together now, and Dasha didn't seem any stronger or smarter than before, and if he was immortal, I don't think he would have been too worried about Tai's little gun."

Gen-Tang answered solemnly, "Putting the Hallmarks of Discord together in your cupboard is not enough to receive the transformation—there are specific…conditions to make it work."

"What kind of conditions?" I thought I might already have a good idea of what they were, but I knew to ask anyway.

"Alignment of certain astrological bodies for one thing."

"I see. That provides a rather narrow window of time, doesn't it?"

"Yes, it does, but even so, that window is wide enough that there is still a chance for-."

"Wait, wait, wait." Gojyo interrupted, "What about the sacrifice Dasha kept rambling about? What about him trying to kill Hakkai?"

"I'm coming to that.

"You see, the key to this transfiguration lies in the Ruby Dagger, the Dagger of Ruin, which is, perhaps, the most dangerous and forbidden of all the Hallmarks."

That would explain why it was being guarded by a god on top of an icy mountain while the others were easily found in more commonplace locations.

Gen-Tang continued, even more severely than before, "If all five items are gathered together, and the heavens are arranged correctly, then the Ruby Dagger has only to taste virgin blood in order for the transformation to take place."

We stood still a moment in the implications of those words, and then Gojyo snorted, "Heh. Told you ya' shoulda' banged Kanan."

I ignored him and said, "It all sounds rather farfetched to me, Gen-Tang-San. Will killing a virgin with the dagger really result in some fantastical transformation?"

"I can't say with any certainty, for it hasn't been tried in so very long, and the procedure is very tricky. Much of what is required was never documented, so for many years, men have argued over how the sacrifice should be performed, as well as other fine details. If anything goes even vaguely wrong during the sacrifice, the power endowed can destroy the user, rather than enhance him."

"Well, Dasha wasn't acting very delicately today."

"I presume that a brutal man would expect that brutality alone could achieve his goal. For all I know, he's right. Some believe the victim of the sacrifice must be slaughtered, others think that the dagger tasting blood suggests that a pin-prick will suffice, and still others think the victim must be dismembered, their body mutilated beyond recognition."

The words made me shiver, and I could hardly believe I'd been chosen to be the object of this so-called sacrifice."

Gojyo rested his elbow on my shoulder, muttering, "Crazy-ass picked you just to fuck with me. Normally he'd go grab some poor, unsuspecting girl to chop up."

"Unbelievable." I uttered, feeling rather faint.

Gen-Tang was nodding, for some reason. "The two of you have entangled yourselves most hopelessly in a very frightening, dangerous battle for world domination. Not even _that_, I'm afraid." His voice took on a somewhat angry tone, "You have made this nightmare entirely possible for the first time in hundreds of years by acting as the hands and feet for that wicked man."

Gojyo lowered his head, ever so slightly.

"I tried to warn you, and I have reason to believe that many others did as well, but you refused to listen, and now I fear you've brought this horror upon yourselves."

I started to speak, but Gojyo cut in, suddenly, sounding somewhat desperate, "We didn't have a choice, okay? _I_ didn't have a choice. You think I _wanted_ this to happen? Fuck you, man. I didn't know what I was doing. Besides, you didn't try very hard to explain why we shouldn't—don't you think you could have told us all this shit just a little bit earlier? It's not my fault, okay? You didn't-"

"Would you have listened to me, Gojyo?" Gen-Tang demanded, but he didn't raise his voice, "Would you have paid any heed to what I just told you, or is your expected prize so important that you would have lied to yourself and insisted that it was just a story?"

"Don't start that shit with me." Gojyo snarled. "'Course I would have listened."

For a second, even I didn't believe him, and I remembered his stubborn resolve to hunt down one item after another.

And then he choked, "Look what happened. That dick wants to kill Hakkai, he already killed my other friend. You think I woulda' let this happen if I knew he was gonna' start killing people over it? Of course I would have _listened!_ This isn't my fault! No one told me! That asshole _lied_ to me, and I've gotten fucked up way more than anyone else in this mess, so it isn't my fault!"

He was practically shouting now, and I half-turned to him, intending to say a quick word of comfort, and then remind him that we needed to be quiet, lest Dasha's men be nearby looking for us.

Before I could, Gen-Tang moved forward, and even though Gojyo shied away from him immediately, he managed to set his hands on his shoulders, his voice unexpectedly kind, "If that's true, then I've misjudged you, and for that, I apologize. However, making excuses won't relieve us from responsibility, and we cannot undo the past—what's done is done—and no matter how either of us sling blame around, your only choice now is to either fight that much harder in order to make things right, or to lie down and accept death. Am I right?"

Gojyo hesitated for a moment, and then nodded slightly.

"Very good. Then accept the role you have played in all of this, and keep in mind that it's not to late to make amends."

"But…how?"

Gen-Tang let go of him and resumed smoking his pipe, "As I've already discussed, the window of opportunity for the required sacrifice is a narrow one. Do you believe this Dasha will forget the two of you and acquire a new victim?"

Gojyo didn't even have to think about it, "No. He's gonna' be more determined than ever to kill us both. Even if he starts to run out of time, he'll keep hunting for us."

"I see. Well, we may be able to use that to our advantage. If you both return to Cheng and get some rest, do you think Dasha will look for you there?"

"Probably. I don't see him waiting around to see if we'll come out, especially not if he has a deadline."

"In that case, I suggest we go there at once." With that, he tucked his pipe away into the kimono he was wearing, took my arm in one hand and Gojyo's in the other, saying firmly, "Stay close." He set off at a brisk pace, walking us both along on either side of him.

As we went, he continued speaking, a little more quietly now, as if he didn't want to be overheard. "I'll see you to Cheng safely, and once you're both inside, I'll hide nearby and keep watch for them. Dasha has a bit less than a month before his opportunity is lost, and I suspect he'll act soon. When he comes for you, the three of us will have to work together to kill him."

"What if he doesn't come?" I asked, starting to feel a little sick and weary from the loss of blood I was enduring.

"Yeah." Gojyo embellished, "What if I'm wrong and he _does_ go out and nab some teenage girl?"

"I have stationed several of my men at Dasha's theater, in the guise of lackeys. If he does show some intention of making that move, I'll be summarily informed, and then we'll have to move with haste to interfere with the sacrifice. Either way, Dasha must be killed as soon as possible, for when a mortal gets it in their head to use the Hallmarks of Discord for evil, the only way to stamp that out is to destroy them.

"What if he does succeed?" I inquired, "How dangerous is this power, exactly?"

"He who successfully undergoes the transformation has the power to not only rule the entire world, but also to change the very face of humanity. A righteous man would change the world for the better, but a wicked man will likely be led to destroy it."

"Then the stakes are very high."

"Very high, indeed, Cho Hakkai."

We made our way back up the hill together, keeping close to the shadows and traveling exclusively by moonlight. We were very careful to keep quiet, and Gen-Tang always seemed to be extremely alert, twisting his head around, eyes scanning the surrounding area for foes. He kept his grip on my arm, escorting me along, rather briskly, and I was happy to stumble there beside him, not really thinking about where we were going or what would happen next, just trying to focus on keeping my pain at bay. He'd let go of Gojyo a while ago, and he was shuffling a good ten paces behind us, smoking and smoking. I'd look over my shoulder at him every now and then, but he wouldn't look back at me, and he kept his gaze cast to the ground.

Here and again, Gen-Tang would call back to him, in a voice that was infinitely serene, and only slightly louder than his normal speaking tone, "Don't fall behind, boy." Then Gojyo would make a pathetic excuse for increasing his speed, likely just enough not to be bothered, but he never quite caught up, and he never said anything.

After a while, Gen-Tang stopped completely and held his hand out to him. "We have to hurry; there will be plenty of time to mourn your loss later."  
Reluctantly, Gojyo let him take hold of his shoulder and lead him up the hill.  
Personally, I felt rather glad that he was there to guide us up to Cheng. I'm not sure we ever would have made it on our own, and his presence gave me a strange sense of security. It was good to have someone on our side.

Finally, when we were just outside the gates of Cheng, he stopped and released us, "I trust you can find your way from here."

It took me a moment to realize he'd spoken at all, and by then, Gojyo was answering, "Yeah, shouldn't be too tough."

I nodded, balmily, and suddenly, all I wanted was just to be upstairs in my own bed.

"I suggest you get him to a doctor as soon as possible. The wound isn't deep, but it's persistent."

I perceived that they were both looking at me, and when I turned to face them, Gojyo's face was drawn in concern. "Um. But…how do I explain what happened? I'm not even supposed to be here, right, Hakkai?"

I shrugged drowsily, "I…think…"

They stared at me.

I laughed a little. "That is…my room mate might be able to help."

Another moment passed. Gojyo started to say something else, but Gen-Tang interrupted him, "At any rate, there's no time for excuses. He's lost a lot of blood already, and time is of the essence. Go now."

Slowly, Gojyo nodded, and I felt him take my arm again.

"I'll lie in wait out here and keep watch. When Dasha comes, I'll need your help, so both of you try to get some rest." He set his hand on Gojyo's shoulder, "Stay strong, and don't let yourself be distracted. Not even by the pain of loss."

With that, he turned away and disappeared into the night.

Gojyo didn't so much as watch him go before ushering me forward again.

"Are you going to be all right?" I murmured faintly.

"Me? You're the one who's bleeding all over, Hakkai."

"Yes, but…it's been a difficult couple of days for you."

"I'm fine. Let's just get going." He returned, gruffly.

We managed to scale the wall, but not without difficulty. My wound made it hard on me, and Gojyo's injuries were more than enough to impede him as well. Still, we managed to help one another over it, and then, once we were inside the gates of Cheng, I felt safe, even found the presence of mind to lead the way to my dorm.

"Will your room mate really be able to help us?" Gojyo hissed, staying close behind me.

"I believe so. He's nearly earned his medical degree. And in any case, circumstances being what they are, I'm not sure we'll be able to go to the school infirmary."

"Isn't there a hospital or something in this town?"

"Yes. But I'd like to see what Jing has to say first."

After that, he was quiet, and we made our way up to my dorm, carefully.

Unfortunately, it wasn't very late yet, and some students, and even a few faculty members were still about, and they all gave us very long, very hard looks and whispered amongst themselves. I was surprised no one stopped us before we reached my room.

Gojyo hesitated at the door, "I'm really not supposed to be here. Right?"

"We don't have any other options, Gojyo." I pushed the door open and nearly fell down. Gojyo caught me around the waist and half carried me inside.

My part of the dorm was exactly how I'd left it this morning, and suddenly that felt like days ago, and I was aware of the full extent of my exhaustion and pain. Before I could collapse though, Jing-Sheng came through from his side, frowning, "You're finally back, are you? I was starting to worry that you-"

He stopped short at the sight of us, as was to be expected, seeing how we were both bloody and battered and frightened. His voice was like ice when he asked, "What happened?" And I knew what he thought.  
In a way, he was right, but I coughed out, at once, "It's nothing, Jing. We were mugged. That's all."

Gojyo was watching him without a word, like a prisoner before the judge.

Jing was moving toward me now, looking more than usually concerned, "Mugged? In An Jin?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so."

Jing came to my side, giving Gojyo a faintly hostile look, as if he expected him to whip out a knife and stab me, and then he helped me onto my chair, which was nearby, thank goodness. I really didn't think I could stand up anymore. He peeled back my shirt, gingerly, and took a long look at the wound before asking, "Were you mugged by a youkai?"  
"You could say that, I suppose."

He gave me a stern look, "Hakkai."

"Yes. It was a youkai. A crazy youkai."

Jing glanced back at Gojyo, making sure he didn't have the claws that had done this. No matter what he'd told me the other day about my friendship with Gojyo, I could see plainly enough that he didn't trust him even remotely.

Gojyo seemed uncomfortable under the scrutiny, but he didn't move, and presently, Jing went back to inspecting my wound.

"This is why you weren't supposed to be in An Jin, Hakkai. That place is dangerous. And now you're sure to get in trouble."

"It was my fault." Gojyo blurted suddenly. "I made him go there with me. I-"

"Save it for the faculty." Jing interrupted, but not rudely, "I'm sure they'll have their share of questions for you."

"I don't see any need to involve the faculty." I said, wincing.

"No? Well, I highly doubt they're going to just ignore the issue when you come into the infirmary with a wound like this."

"I wouldn't expect them to. However, I had thought that perhaps you could attend to it yourself, and we could leave them out of it."

Jing spent another moment prodding at the wound, evidently testing its severity, and then he lowered my shirt once more, stood up, "Out of the question. That's too serious for my skills, I'm afraid, and I wouldn't want to risk tampering with it. The only thing you can do is go to the infirmary and face the consequences." He glanced at Gojyo, "I'd send your friend away before you go though. He really shouldn't be here."

Gojyo looked like a deer in the headlights.

"I'm afraid that isn't an option at the moment." I answered, clutching at my stomach and gritting my teeth. It was really beginning to hurt. "He stays."

Gojyo half-turned to me, "Hakkai-"

"Not another word. You know as well as I do why you can't leave. Jing, I'm sorry to impose on you, and I certainly don't want to cause you any inconvenience, but I really do need your help. If you wouldn't mind just trying…"

Jing looked back at me steadily, spoke without flinching, "What sort of trouble are the two of you really in?"

"None. I'd like to keep it that way, if I can."

"Really, Hakkai. What do you take me for? This hardly looks like your typical mugging. If it is, why can't he leave? And don't think I didn't notice this morning that he was already in this ragged state, or that the two of you were very grave when you left."

I couldn't very well argue with that. Instead, I sighed and said, "What's important is that everything is under control; frankly I'd rather not worry you with the details, but I _do_ need your help, so if you absolutely insist on having them, I'll tell you."

Jing seemed to think a moment, and then he suddenly shook his head and turned away, back to his dorm, "I'll see what I can do. But don't be surprised if you still have to go to the infirmary, Hakkai. I'm not a doctor yet."

He went away before I could thank him, and then Gojyo and I were there in a moment of awkward silence.

"'Kai…" he mumbled.

I looked up to see that he was chewing on the butt of his cigarette and not really looking at me.

"I don't wanna' get you kicked out of school…"

For a while, I said nothing. Truthfully, I was in pain, and I didn't want to think about anything so stressful, but the reality was that getting kicked out of school at this point was very possible. I'd been warned. As Jing-Sheng had said, this was not the sort of school one came to and experimented with the rules, not if you wanted to graduate. In the grand scheme of things, I realized I'd done more than enough to get myself expelled. I'd been accomplice to nearly half a dozen serious thefts, and I was now connected to the biggest crime boss in An Jin. Just having a visitor in my dorm after curfew was grounds for suspension, and considering the way most of the school board would regard my visitor this time, getting expelled was more than bleakly possible. It seemed almost imminent.

He interrupted my thoughts.

"Should I go? I could go hang out with what'sisface…"

I shook my head, curtly. "Absolutely not."

"Yeah, but-"

"Please stop being absurd, Gojyo. I'm not going to get kicked out of school over this, so there is absolutely no point in you leaving now. We have to stay together."

"Still."

"Still nothing. I'm well aware of the possibilities, but if that's the way it is, if my school honestly can't forgive the fact that you're here, even under the circumstances, then so be it. I refuse to allow even that prospect to come between us when the situation is this serious."

Gojyo frowned at me, but I could tell he was relieved.

"So, I don't want to hear another word about it."

At that moment, Jing-Sheng came back, carrying a black medical bag. He set it beside me, "Well, let's see what I have. With any luck I might be able to at least stop the bleeding, but it looks to me like you need stitches."

"I appreciate your effort, in any case."

He took a few more minutes to prep and gather supplies before kneeling down to clean the lacerations on my stomach, and I finally got a look at them. They weren't very deep, as I'd thought before, but they were bleeding quite a bit, with a dark, wine-red blood that ran down my navel and was beginning to clot around the hem of my slacks. The slices were agitated, pink and swollen, and I hated to think that Dasha's skuzzy nails had been what carved them into me. Who could say what sorts of diseases that man had picked up over his years being the king of the underworld?

Looking at them, I felt a little sick, and yet, it felt almost normal for them to be there. As if I'd better get used to being thus blemished.

How odd.

When Gojyo saw them, he turned away suddenly, palming his face and muttering, "That fucking sonnova' bitch."

Jing barely glanced at him, and then went back to work, but he was frowning. "I don't know, Hakkai. I don't have any sutures."  
"Does he really need stitches?" Gojyo asked, not looking at us. "Can't you just wrap it or something?"

"Maybe you'd like to do this instead." Jing returned, patiently.

"No…" I heard him chuckle bitterly, "I've done enough already."

"Well. Don't start beating yourself up just yet. We'll probably have to go to the infirmary anyway, and then there will be plenty of people to do that for you."  
All three of us were quiet for a while after that, and I struggled with the pain and discomfort of having my wounds sanitized. It went without saying that Jing didn't have any local anesthetics to use on me, so I felt every swipe of the sponge and every hiss of the soap, held tight to the edges of my chair, and tried to think of something else. All the while, my head was spinning faster and faster, and my vision would start to blur every here and again.

After some time had passed, Jing rocked back on his heels, shaking his head. "It's no good, Hakkai. I can't get the bleeding to stop. I'm sorry, but you'll have to visit one of the school physicians."

"I'd really rather avoid that."

"There's not much choice, I'm afraid. We'd be foolish to think it'll stop bleeding on its own."

I glanced up at Gojyo, and he nodded. "I think you'd better, 'Kai."

"Oh, very well." I sighed. I was feeling so lightheaded and dizzy now, I didn't really want to argue with them.

Holding tightly to the chair, I forced myself to stand, felt my body sway and almost fell over. Gojyo held me up.

"Easy, man."

The dizziness was infinitely worse once I was on my feet, and my vision started to turn black. I closed my eyes and leaned against Gojyo.

"Can you walk?" Jing-Sheng's voice called from somewhere beyond the darkness.

I nodded, weakly.

He murmured, "We better hurry."

After that, we were walking, a sensation I could barely grasp. Gojyo seemed to lug me after him like so much baggage, and I clung to him, feebly, fighting to stay awake, although, passing out seemed inevitable if I was any judge of the way that felt. I opened my eyes long enough to witness our passage out into the dorm hall, and I was overwhelmed with how desperately far from the infirmary we really were, and that's when I realized that I did want to go and see a real doctor who could actually help me, because I'd never been so badly injured, nor so afraid in my life, and whatever consequences came of outing ourselves, Gojyo and I would just have to deal with it.

That thought almost gave me a light pillow of comfort, and I very nearly smiled to myself, when another image crossed my mind: that of Professor Hyoka, sitting ominously across his desk from me, warning me that if 'my hanyou' even thought of trespassing on campus, he'd be arrested and prosecuted to the full extent of the law. "_…the law is not very lenient on creatures of __that__ origin."_

"Gojyo…" I managed to choke, and then I turned to him, intending to warn him, meaning to tell him he should go and wait with Gen-Tang after all.

"What is it?"

The blackness was seeping in through the corners of my eyes. I was shaking. I tried to speak, but my mouth wasn't working. I was fading fast.

"Hakkai?"

I couldn't see him anymore. "Gojyo…you shouldn't…"

Then I lost my footing and slumped against the wall, and everything went black.

* * *

***Note (ooooo it's at the END this time lol)  
Generally, I put OCs into these things so that I have someone to kill off...but I do appreciate seeing reviews that say 'don't kill so-and-so' or 'why did you have to kill this OC'. I'm glad to know readers like my OCs. Well, some of them anyway...**


	15. Chapter 15

**Again. patterns.  
Enjoy.**

* * *

**XV  
**I'd crawl on the ground for cover  
Stay out of my mind to keep from  
**Dying**

* * *

**Gojyo**

From the moment Hakkai collapsed, everything was thrown into this little whirlpool of unending chaos. Some people were in the hall when he fell, and they all came to gather around and ask questions. None of them were teachers, but it didn't really matter. They all stared at me, so they knew I wasn't supposed to be there, and now it was just a matter of time.

Jing-sheng carried Hakkai the rest of the way to the infirmary, burst in without knocking, and announced that he needed attention right away. Then all these doctors and nurses dressed in clean, white uniforms gathered around Hakkai, pushing me out of the way to work on him, and I stood back and felt guilty as they stitched him up. It seemed like it took forever, and when they were done, they were all dripping with blood, and Hakkai looked pale. I tried to go to his side, but they chased me away. Damn, rich pricks.

Then the suits came. They must have been teachers, or something like that. Whoever they were, there were three of them, and they looked like they were really running the show. They brushed past me and Jing-Sheng and stood around Hakkai, muttering to each other and then talking to the head doctor off and on. I was feeling pretty awkward by that point, and I almost excused myself to go have a smoke.

Before I could, all three of the fat bastards turned on me, and the way they looked at me, straight down their blunt, ugly noses, squinting like I was a bug on the sidewalk, made me feel small and helpless and completely insignificant.

A tall, thin man, with graying hair and a pompous demeanor stepped to the head of the group, snorting at me contemptuously, and then the questions started. They wanted to know who I was, and where I'd come from, how I'd gotten in and what I was doing here. When I told them I was the one who brought Hakkai home, they demanded to know what happened to him. One even went so far as to accuse me of being the one who'd hurt him, and I couldn't help getting pissed off and snapping back at him that it wasn't my fault and that I was the one who saved Hakkai's life, even if it wasn't exactly true. After that, they asked who was responsible, where we'd been, what we'd been doing, what had happened, and on and on. I didn't know what I could say that would keep Hakkai out of trouble, so I stuck to the mugging story and tried to downplay the details. Once or twice, Jing-Sheng tried to step in, but I don't know what he thought he could tell them to get them off my back. They ignored him no matter what he said.

When the interrogation was over, the three of them stood over me, still looking at me like I was a filthy, little kid playing the in the gutter, and had the nerve to discuss what they should do about me. They talked about sending me away, but the thin asshole didn't want me to get off scott free, so he shot that down. Then they said they should detain me for a while, just until they figured out what was happening, and none of them seemed to care that it would be a total violation of my rights to be detained for nothing, because I was a hanyou. I guess I should have known better than to think I had rights. Finally, someone suggested they call the authorities. Everyone agreed that was the best plan.

"Hang on." I stammered, "I didn't do nothin' wrong."

"You're trespassing." The thin man answered. He had a voice almost as cold as Dasha's.

"Yeah, but not on purpose! I had to bring Hakkai here!"

"It's still trespassing, I'm afraid."

"What are you, heartless? I had to come here! You think I'd wanna' come to your shitty, little, punk school for fun?"

His face turned twice as harsh at that, and I swear to God, I thought he was going to hit me with a ruler or a fan or something. "That's enough of your impudence, brat."

"But I-"

The head doctor stepped forward suddenly, "Professor Hyoka, if I may."

The thin man whipped his head around like a striking snake, "Yes, Yinfu. What is it?"

"I don't mean to interrupt, but it occurs to me that if he hadn't been brought here, the boy likely would have bled to death in the street, and then you'd have a dead student on your hands. Also, it could be that the patient will want his friend when he wakes up, and if that's so, it might be imprudent to send the hanyou away now. Why don't we wait until Hakkai wakes up, and then we'll see what he can tell us?"

Professor Hyoka didn't seem happy, but he agreed that it would be okay for me to stay until then, and they finally left me alone.

Barely concealing my gratitude, I looked up at the head doctor. He wasn't very tall or strong-looking, he seemed middle-aged, but his hair was still thick and blonde. Something in his gray eyes was unusually kind, and when he caught me staring at him, he gave me a slight, solemn smile before turning away to go back to work.

The suits went back to stand around the door and discuss things together, in quiet, murmuring voices that were strangely threatening to me, and I stood off to the side, hoping they'd leave me alone now, and trying not to worry, even when that seemed impossible. As far as I could tell, I was really fucked, and I'd be an idiot to think I was in the clear. Right now, I didn't even have an ally to back me up. Once, Jing-Sheng caught my eye, but when our gazes locked, he just shook his head at me, and I had no idea what that meant. I didn't really get whose side he was on.

A couple minutes later, Hakkai was waking up.

I went to sit down next to him.

He was babbling a little. I don't know if he was delirious or if he just wasn't fully awake yet, but he didn't seem to know where he was or what was going on. It was weird seeing him confused, and it was weird seeing him so…vulnerable, I guess. Ever since we'd met, Hakkai had always been strong. He was just a human, but in a lot of senses, I always felt like he was stronger than me. Not physically, maybe, but still, there was this well of untapped strength in him, and I'd always gotten the feeling that he was the kind of guy that, when things went really wrong, he had the fortitude to just deal with it, and come out on top when it was over. Not like me. Shit went wrong a long time ago, and my whole life was trashed for it.

Today though, I felt like I was seeing Hakkai in his weakest moment. I'd gotten a glimpse of emotional weakness a long time ago when we stole the Book of the Ancients and he started crying over thinking he killed Gen-Tang, and it had been weird then, but he'd gotten over it pretty fast. Today though…today he could have died, and now he was lying in a hospital bed, tossing and turning, not even knowing where he was. I wasn't used to having to be there for people, and I wasn't sure I could do it. Not the way he'd been there for me.

Last night seemed like a long time ago now, but even when things had seemed like they couldn't get any worse, Hakkai had accepted my weakness and dealt with it. He'd picked me up and dusted me off and even let me stay the night in his dorm. Then again, today, when I'd lost it after Tai died…he just did it. It was just so natural to him.

I wondered if there was any way I could even begin to do the same for him.

"Hey, dude." I put my hand on his shoulder. "It's okay. You're safe."

He stared up at me, eyes sort of dim and dull, and then they seemed to clear, and he recognized me. "Where are we?"

"The infirmary. They patched you all up, so you're good to go." I grinned and gave him a thumbs up, but even that made me feel sick to my stomach. Today had been such a shitty day.

"The infirmary…? But…?" He looked around and noticed the teachers standing nearby. "Oh no. Gojyo, you have to get out of here."

"Naw, we already decided I should stay." I dug out a cigarette and lit it. It felt like forever since I'd had one.

"You don't understand. That man-"

'That man' was suddenly standing right over me, seeming taller and thinner than ever. "There's no smoking in here. Honestly. I know you're just a street rat, but you'd think even _your_ kind would know better than to smoke in a medical facility. Well… perhaps not."

I half turned on him, "What's that supposed to mean, _my_ kind? I oughta-"

I felt Hakkai's fingers dig into my forearm, bit back the rest of what I wanted to say, grudgingly.

Hyoka waited a moment, practically daring me to finish, and then he turned his gaze on Hakkai. "Well, well, well. You went against my advice after all. I honestly wasn't expecting such audacity from you, Cho Hakkai, seeing how you're one of our finest students. Still, you can see now, can't you? Why I didn't want you associating with this reprobate."

"Professor Hyoka. Please." Hakkai's voice didn't sound half as pathetic as his words. "Don't hold him responsible for this. I-"

In a single, fluid swish of his arm, Hyoka yanked the cigarette from my mouth, dashed it out and disposed of it, "Answer me once and for all, Cho Hakkai, and pray, don't insult me by lying, especially not just to cover for this creature."

"_Creature_?" I snapped.

He went on like I hadn't said anything, "What happened?"

Hakkai stared hard at him a moment, then swallowed thickly, like his mouth was really dry, "We were mugged. While taking a walk through the streets of An Jin, a man assaulted us. I must admit, we weren't in the best neighborhood, but even so, we weren't-"

"Spare me the lies." Hyoka hissed. "I don't have to be a surgeon to see that these wounds were likely not the result of a typical mugging. I insist on knowing the truth of how you came to be this way, and what this hanyou has to do with it."

It was all I could do not to stand up and punch him in his gaunt, ugly face, but Hakkai was still holding onto me, and I knew if I did anything now, I'd get him in even more trouble. All of this was my fault to begin with, so I stayed where I was.  
"My story will never change, Professor." Hakkai answered, stonily now, "Believe what you will about what I say to you, but you've heard the truth, and I will not denounce it now. I was assaulted in An Jin by a thief and a criminal, and Gojyo saved my life by bringing me home to Cheng. You won't condemn him for that, not while I'm alive."

Hyoka scowled. For a long time, he was quiet, and he had to know Hakkai was right. They couldn't do anything to me, even if I was trespassing. What was I supposed to do? Let Hakkai bleed to death outside the gate?

At last, he growled, "If that is indeed the truth, then he has no further reason to be here. I'll have him summarily escorted off the premises, the two of you will be grateful for my mercy, and he will never show his face here again, under penalty of incarceration. Is that clear? Furthermore, a meeting will be held later to discuss this intolerable behavior of yours and what's to be done about it. Do not be surprised if you find yourself under probation and restricted from leaving the campus entirely, and do not expect to ever see this friend of yours again. Saving your life will more than likely come at the price of losing contact with you forever."

I couldn't take it anymore. I got up, finally, all but shouting, "Who the hell do you think you are, asshole? So you're in charge here at this shitty, little school, or whatever? What gives you the right to decide where he can and can't go in his free time, or-"

"School policy is very clear on this point. Students are not to be wasting their time in An Jin, or any of the surrounding towns. It's merely-"

"Even then, the school can't decide who he gets to be friends with! If we wanna' be friends, we're gonna' be friends. Hell, maybe we'll be friends for the rest of our fucking lives, and there's nothing you can do about it!"

"Watch your tongue, child. You have no idea who you're speaking to. And someone of your class and position would do well to watch his step. You seem to have a few years left before you're considered an adult, legally, it would be easy for me to send for the authorities and report a homeless child. Even hanyou children can't run wild, picking pockets in the streets—I can have you sent to any orphanage of my choosing, so be grateful I haven't yet."

"What makes you think I'm homeless? What makes you think I don't have fucking parents, dirt bag? Just 'cause I'm a hanyou, you think nobody gives a shit that I-"

"Take a look in a mirror, boy. It's clear to see no one cares what you do or where you go. If your so-called parents do indeed exist, they're apparently negligent enough that you might be taken away from them regardless. As a matter of fact, I can't honestly say Hakkai hasn't taken pity on your wretched state and based his relationship to you off that."

"You are _so_ fucking judgmental, aren't you? Fine. Call the cops. See if I care. Nobody's gonna' tell me I can't be friends with this kid. Stick me in some shitty-ass foster home and tell everybody it's 'cause you're a nice guy and you didn't wanna' see me living in a dumpster. Everyone in this room knows the truth: you're a stuck-up, power-hungry, judgmental asshole who gets off on pushing kids around! That's why you run this school! You get some kinda' instant boner offa' having kids do what you want, when you want! I'll ruin you, dickhead! I'll tell everybody what an ass you are! You'll never live it down, not in a million fucking years!"

There was another graceful sweep of the arm, and then my head snapped back. Dull pain throbbed across my jaw and nose. Even then, it took me a second to realize that bastard had hit me.

I heard someone gasp, "Professor Hyoka!" It sounded like the doctor.

"Didn't I warn you to shut your mouth?" He said in this dark, icy voice. "Save your breath, hanyou. You know as well as I do that if you ever stood up in court against me, no one would listen. One look at you and the verdict would be decided. A respectable, powerful man like me against the grubby likes of you? It's almost laughable.

I was so stunned, I couldn't answer for a moment.

"Now, consider this your final warning. Get out of my sight, and get off my campus before I have you taken into custody."

Trembling with anger, I turned back to him with a grin, spat a little. "Whatever. You don't scare me, dickhead. I know elementary schoolers who hit harder. _And_ they probably got bigger dicks than you too—you better thank the fucking Buddha I'm not hitting you back."

That made him pretty mad. He took a step toward me, grabbing the collar of my shirt, "You arrogant, little bastard. I'll-"

Hakkai was suddenly out of bed, not even looking tired, but his face was still white. "Leave him alone." He growled. "You don't understand. He can't just leave—not now—the man who attacked us is still looking for us. If Gojyo leaves now, he'll kill him, and I can't believe you would allow that, Professor, in spite of everything you just said."

Hyoka looked like nothing would make him happier, but he obviously couldn't say it out loud.

"Please. Let him stay, just a while longer. When this is over, I promise I'll stay out of An Jin, and I won't…spend time with him anymore. I'll never see him again, if that's what you want."

"Hakkai!" I wrenched away.

He ignored me. "Just for a while though…can't you at least _tolerate_ him?"

Hyoka didn't look even slightly moved.

If he hit me again I was going to knock his dick in the dirt, and I didn't care if that got me sent to jail for the next fifty years. Especially not if I wasn't going to get to hang out with Hakkai anymore anyway.

Before anyone could say anything, the head doctor came forward again, and his voice was stern. "Professor, please. I think we should listen to them. I don't know what's going on exactly, but from the look of things, these two boys seem to be in some trouble or other; you ought to at least be sensitive to the fact that Hakkai is a student here—a _paying_ student—and you certainly can't send his friend away if it means putting his life in danger."

Hyoka glared daggers at him, but he still had nothing to say.

"I implore you, Professor. Let's try to get to the bottom of what's happening before we proceed with any permanent decisions. It could be that someone is really after them."

"Someone _is_ really after us." I swiped at my lip, only to discover that it was bleeding. Again. "Go ahead and say it, Hyoka. You don't care. You lose money if somethin' bad happens to Hakkai, but what am I to you? Go ahead and fucking say it and let's see what happens to your precious career."

The daggers were aimed at me. His voice was very quiet and fierce, "A certain hanyou seems to have forgotten his place. Perhaps, having been friends with Hakkai for a few months now has deluded you into thinking that you have some importance, so allow me to remind you that you are nothing to anyone. In this entire world. You are nothing. I can say whatever I like about you out loud, and no one will object. So I highly recommend you drop the conceited act."

I didn't know what to say to that exactly, other than to just get angry and start throwing shit around. There was nothing I could do. He was right, but still, hearing it pissed me off. It really, really pissed me off.

"Go." He said again. "And never come back."

Sent to hell for being a mutt. I always knew it would happen.

Suddenly, my heart started to race and my palms were sweating. I thought I'd be the one to pass out next, but if I did, they'd probably dump me outside the gate, and then I'd really be fucked. The memory of what Dasha had done to me yesterday was suddenly as real as the room around me, and I couldn't breathe. When I thought about him on me, beating me, kissing me, _touching_ me and hitting me…I thought I'd start crying.

_If he gets his hands on me again, there won't be any mercy. He's going to take all his frustrations out on me. He's gonna' make it worse than death._

I was shaking, just like that.

Hakkai looked at me with concern, "Gojyo?"

Everyone else was staring too.

What should I do? Beg? Beg to stay here and keep getting pushed around by this dick? What else was there? He wasn't going to let me stay out of the goodness of his heart.

_And Dasha…Dasha's not going to go easy on me. Not after today…_

Boned. I was completely boned. I should have left town when I got the chance.

"_Gojyo._" Hakkai shook me a little. He turned to Hyoka, "Professor, please. Can't you see he…"

The rest of whatever he said got lost as sand filled my ears. I was getting dizzy. My legs felt like noodles. When was the last time I ate? Damn, my ribs hurt. Everything hurt. It was nothing compared to the terror welling up in me.

_I might be able to find Gen-Tang before Dasha comes along, but will that really be enough?_

Maybe I'd just get him killed next, and then I'd be at Dasha's mercy. For the rest of my life.

That black hole he shoved people into, body, life and soul. What happened to them in there? What happened to Tai's sister? What happened to all the people who'd gone missing since Banri and me started working for him? Where did they all go?

_I guess I'm gonna' find out._

I was sitting on the bed, all the sudden. For a second I thought I'd fallen down, and then I realized someone had pushed me down, gently, purposely seating me there so I wouldn't fall on my freaking face. Hakkai was standing over me, the blonde doctor right next to them. One of them shoved a glass of water into my hand.

When was the last time I had water? When was the last time I ate? In this nightmare I was living, it was hard to say. I remembered having candy with Hakkai in An Jin. Everything had been so perfect for just that moment. I'd been so stupid to think it could possibly stay that way.

"Drink." Hakkai ordered. He sounded confident and in charge, which was kind of normal for him, I guess, but this time, it was really good to hear. "Breathe. Everything's going to be all right."

With a shaking hand, I took the glass and just did what he said. There was no point in resisting what anyone told me now. My life was trashed.

He sat down next to me. I felt his hand on the back of my neck, but it felt really far away and unreal.

The doctor looked down at the two of us for a few more moments before turning back to Hyoka, "Professor, let's reassess the situation. I don't think it's prudent to drive the hanyou off right now, in this current condition, especially not without getting to the bottom of what's really happening."

Things were starting to clear up again. The water was helping maybe. Or sitting down was. I felt exhausted though, and still really, really scared. Without even thinking about it, I slumped against Hakkai, resting my head against the crook of his neck.

"It's okay." He was just whispering, but I heard him better than anything else in the room. I wanted to hear him. I didn't want to listen to those other jackasses decide my fate.

I gave a bitter, little laugh, "I just can't do it, 'Kai. I can't be the tough guy today. The whole world wants my ass on a silver platter."

He said nothing more, but he set his cheek on the top of my head, and I closed my eyes.

Maybe this would be the last time anyone would ever be nice to me.

Another voice broke through the squabbling around us. It was familiar and charismatic, and infinitely calm. "I'm afraid I have to agree with Dr. Yinfu, Professor. It would not benefit the image of Cheng University in any way to turn a child out into the streets like this." I knew it right away, but I was still startled as hell to look up and see Old Man Wu standing in the doorway to the infirmary.

We all gaped at him. "You…" I murmured. "What the hell're you…?"

He smiled at me, "Don't worry, Sha Gojyo. I didn't come to collect you. Not today."

The bounty. I'd almost forgotten about the bounty.

My body jerked. I started to get up to run.

_Everyone and their fucking mother wants my ass on a silver platter…_

"Now, now, don't be alarmed. As I said, I didn't come to take you in." He came into the room with all the usual arrogance and command.

Hyoka bowed stiffly, "Mr. Chairman. I'm sorry you had to witness this. I was just about to call to have this disgraceful, little urchin forcibly removed."

"There's no need for that, I think." Wu said coolly.

"No need? But sir!"

"Chairman?" I heard Hakkai next to me. "You mean to tell me you're the chairman of the board here?"

Wu shook his head, eyes shining, and he was smiling, almost nicely, "I feel a bit disappointed in you, Hakkai-kun. You've been attending this school for nearly two years and you didn't know the name of the chairman here."

"Wu Shareta…" Hakkai murmured. "I suppose…I didn't make the connection…"

"Wait, what?" I stared at Wu, just that much more disbelieving and freaked out. "You for real?"

"I'm afraid it must be true."

But what did that mean for us? Old Man Wu had been the chairman of the board at Hakkai's damn school all this time, and that meant he was closer than we'd thought. For all I knew he'd been spying on us all along, and that meant he could have grabbed either of us whenever he wanted to.

So why didn't he?

I was a little afraid to know the answer.

"Of course it's true." Hyoka snorted at us. "Mr. Wu has been the chairman of the board here for years—he's an alumnus, as was his father before him—and he's served Cheng University very well."

Now Wu's smile was a little bit sharkish, like he wanted to say 'I had you all along, and you didn't even know it'.  
Or maybe that's just what I was thinking.

"With all due respect, sir." "Hyoka went on, "I don't quite understand. You don't think we need to send for the authorities? Why on earth not, sir?"

"Come now, Professor. Exhibit a little bit of charity, why don't you? After all, it looks like these kids have had a rough time, and from what I overheard, Hakkai-kun would be dead now if it weren't for Gojyo, so I think we owe him some gratitude, don't you agree?"

"Perhaps." Hyoka snorted, raising one eyebrow at me and cocking his head back to look down his nose at me again, "Never the less, he's played his part now; even if we're not going to call for the authorities, I think it's best to send him away before word gets out that there's a hanyou on the premises."

"Is it really that serious?" Hakkai asked, sounding skeptical.

"You have no idea, let me assure you. The last thing we need now is a scandal."

Wu didn't sound a bit bothered, "Professor, I respect your position as the Dean of Students—it goes without saying that when it comes to circumstances that will directly affect our students, the choice is yours to make—that being said though, I think you need to take a step back and have a look at the bigger picture."

Hyoka didn't say anything for a moment, but from the way he glared at Wu, I got the impression that he didn't exactly appreciate the advice. "What are you saying exactly, Mr. Chairman?"

"What am I saying? That there's a child's life at stake here, of course! The way these boys act, leaving the campus now would be a grave mistake, isn't that so, Hakkai-kun?"

I thought it was weird that he kept talking to Hakkai like they were buddies, or something. He was acting really different from the time we'd seen him at the temple of Kanzeon Botatsu.

Hakkai hesitated a brief moment, like maybe it was bothering him too that Wu was being so friendly, but he nodded, "I'm afraid that's correct, sir. Unfortunately, we have no way of knowing where the man who's coming after us might be, and as things stand at the moment, Cheng University is our only refuge. I believe leaving the campus would be a death sentence. For either of us."

"There you have it, Professor. And, of course, we all witnessed Gojyo here breaking down not a moment ago."

My face flushed at the words and I tried sullenly to hide my embarrassment.

"It's obvious he's terrified. Isn't that right, Gojyo?" He smiled at me next, laid his hand on my shoulder, but I didn't like it at all. Something about his smile made me think of a snake in the grass, and I sure as fuck didn't trust him. "You're scared, aren't you? You're in so far over your head the only hope you have at ever seeing the sun again is if we take pity on you and let you stay until this mess is all taken care of."

Before I could stop myself, I snapped at him, shoving his hand off, "I don't need your pity, Wu. I'm not so scared I'm gonna' stay here and let you treat me like some pathetic little kid."

Wu laughed, like I was being cute. Like some five-year-old who'd spoken out of turn. "Now, now. There's no need to get so defensive—everyone needs help sometimes—I intend to help you. Even you don't have the guts to say you don't need my help, not at a time like this."

I was just about to tell him exactly that, but before I could, he turned back to Hyoka, putting his hand on my shoulder once again, drawing me a little closer to him, "You see, Professor? He's just a dumb kid in the end. Just a little hanyou, deceived and tricked into helping some less than reputable people, and since he doesn't know any better than to be strung along by his own greed and egocentricity, it's our duty as the fine, prominent citizens we are to take pity on him and shield him from his own self-destructive nature."

While he was babbling, I tried to squirm out of his grip, but he held onto me.

"I understand your concerns for the reputation of the university, of course, Professor, but I think we'd be foolish to lose sight of what's truly important in this matter—that is the lives of these two young boys. I'm quite ready to take full responsibility for this hanyou, as well as any of the negative results that could come from his being on campus. I think that should ease your mind."

Finally, I managed to wrench away from him and moved back toward Hakkai, who was staring up at Wu with a mix of confusion and suspicion.

Hyoka didn't look very happy, but he grumbled, "Well, sir, if that's indeed the way you want it, I won't argue with you, but I think we need to start acting immediately in order to find a way to resolve the situation. I don't want that thing on campus for too long—it could offend the delicate sensibilities of our students."

"I agree whole-heartedly. However, I don't think we'll have any trouble as long as we keep him away from the students. Perhaps if we keep him in a vacant room-"

"You assholes!" I shouted suddenly, "Who do you think you are? I ain't an _it_, okay? I'm a fucking person! And there's no way I'm gonna' let you lock me up in some-"

"Hush." Wu interrupted me. "Lest you forget, you're a guest here, so do try to be polite."

"A guest my ass! You people act like I'm-"

"Mr. Chairman!" A guy burst in suddenly, practically screaming. I think he startled everyone in the room. I know I almost jumped out of my skin, spun around to face him, with my fists clenched. He was short and timid-looking. His eyes were wide and he looked terrified. "Mr. Chairman! I'm so glad I found you! You must hurry, sir!"

"What is it, Po?"

"It's terrible, sir! Just terrible! A situation outside—one of the students is involved—no one knows what to do! There isn't a moment to lose!"

Right away, Wu and Hyoka and the other two suits were running for the door, Po leading the way and yammering at them.

Hakkai and me exchanged quick looks. "Dasha?" He asked quietly.

"Hope not."

We sat there a second longer, and then we scrambled after the others, Jing-Sheng and Dr. Yinfu following right behind us.

Wu was bouncing along a few hundred feet in front of us, practically running, and the others were swarming with him. They ran back through the halls and up the stairs, and we trailed them to the second story and out onto a large balcony.

A ton of people were gathered there already—most of them looked like students—they were all standing close together and murmuring. I saw Hakkai's friends Liling and Quing there, huddled side by side. The sky was almost black, the moonlight looked cold, and the air was crisp. I adjusted my hoodie to keep the chill off my neck.

Wu and Hyoka plowed through the onlookers, out to the edge of the balcony. I shoved my way through too and pulled Hakkai after me, grabbed onto the icy stone of the railing and stared across the campus yard. The grass was like an ocean, rippling and shivering and dark. I stared hard, looking for anything out of place, but it took me a minute to notice him.

"There!" Someone next to me pointed. I realized it was Dr. Yinfu.

Dasha was there, standing just inside the gate, still as a statue. He was so still, I didn't even see him at first, and he was making sure to stay in the shadows, but I recognized the shape of him and the way he stood.

I scanned the yard for any of his goons, or maybe Gen-Tang, but I didn't see anyone else.

Wu called out, "Who are you, and what business do you have here?"

There was a moment of silence, and even the stupid-ass students were quiet for a second.

Dasha stepped into view suddenly, and then I saw he wasn't alone after all. He was dragging a girl with him, one hand clasped over her mouth so she couldn't speak. She was our age, tall, and pretty. The moonlight made her hair look silver and blue, but I recognized her face, even if it was skewed from horror.

In his other hand, Dasha was holding a long, shiny gun, drilling into her head with the barrel, finger already on the trigger.

"Kanan!" Hakkai shouted next to me.

My heart started pounding.

"Forgive my intrusion." Dasha said chillingly. "I'm not meaning to cause a scene."

"This is outrageous!" Hyoka cried, "Release that young woman. At once!"

"All in good time, little man."

"How dare you? I'm warning you—let her go at once, or suffer the consequences!"

"Hyoka, please." Wu said, with infinite calm. I was beginning to think I shouldn't have taken it so personally that he didn't lose his cool when I'd had a gun to his back. "I'll handle this, so please focus on getting the rest of the students inside."

Hyoka looked like he couldn't believe what he'd just been told to do; he started to argue, but Wu interrupted him. "You were quite concerned with their delicate sensibilities earlier. If she is killed, they'll be more than offended."

After grumbling for a moment, Hyoka finally turned around, but instead of getting the students inside, he ordered someone else to do it, and they started herding students inside like sheep.

Hakkai was holding onto the railing tight, speaking with clenched teeth, "I'm not leaving. Not on your life."

Wu answered, "No, of course not." And then, he called down to Dasha, "If you please, sir, what is your purpose for invading our campus in this manner? What do you hope to accomplish by holding that young woman hostage?"

"You have something I want." Dasha sneered back, "Something that belongs to me."

_Ah, shit._

"Is that what you think? Well, I can assure you, there's nothing here of yours. Now let her go, or I'll call the authorities."

Dasha's voice rumbled like the wind, "If you do that, I'll splatter her brains, right now, in front of your fat face, Wu."

Kanan looked even more scared when he said that.

Wu was silent a moment. He looked across the yard, and then around the balcony at the small group of students too stubborn to be escorted away. "Just what is it of yours that you think we have here? This is a school, you know."

I stared hard into the shadows, hoping Gen-Tang would show up, but I realized that, even if he was watching this, there was probably no way he could interfere without Kanan getting shot.

"You see this pretty, little girl?" Dasha purred, "I found her wandering the streets of An Jin after sunset—that's very unsafe for a young lady, you know—she's wearing your school's uniform, and I assume, if Cheng values its students as much as they say it does, you should be willing to make a trade with me, don't you think?"

"It depends on what that trade is for." Wu answered easily.

"Nothing of value. Just that hanyou standing next to you."

My heart stopped beating, just like I knew it would.

Wu glanced down at me, but he didn't seem even slightly surprised either, "Him?"

"_That_. Yes. Bring it down here and you'll get the missy back."

I clenched the railing tightly, hoping the cold, smooth stone would ground me to reality.

Wu took a moment to ask, "What exactly is it that you want with him?"

"Why should it matter, Wu? The only thing you need to concern yourself with is the fact that I'm going to kill the girl if I don't get that hanyou."

What the hell was he playing at? Why wasn't he asking for Hakkai? He was the one he needed for the sacrifice, not me.

_Don't be stupid. He knows he'd never get Hakkai from them—he's a student—they'd do everything they could to keep from having to do that._

Not for me though. I didn't mean anything to these people.

Wu glared at me again, "I hope you're happy now—this wouldn't be happening if you had just listened to me in the first place."

I barely heard him; I was staring out at Dasha, wondering what the fuck I should do. I couldn't keep out the images and the horror of last night, I was reliving every second of what he'd done—what he'd _tried_ to do—and I knew that if they handed me over to him, I was going to wish I were dead. So what should I do? Run away? Where would I go? They'd catch me, eventually. Kanan might get killed if I did that.

Did I really care if Kanan got killed?

Dasha saw me looking at him and smiled, like a cat cornering a rat. "I'm waiting."

"One moment." Wu answered. "Let us discuss it for just a few seconds."

"By all means. Only, don't take _too_ long, Wu. I'm not well-known for my patience."

"Thank-you." Wu said coldly, and then he turned away, and the others gathered around him.

I didn't move, I kept my eyes fixed on Dasha, but I heard every word they said.

Hyoka started in right away, "Why the hesitation, sir? It's clear what's to be done."

"Is it? Well, I'm not so sure, Hyoka."

"Chairman! It's either the life of that hanyou or the life of Cho Kanan! Doesn't the choice alone make the answer obvious?"

I was in such a daze, I barely noticed she had the same family name as Hakkai.

"I'm afraid I have to agree with the dean." Another man in a suit spoke up. "We can't let that monster kill one of our own students here in front of our very eyes. If the price he demands is the life of that boy—someone we're not even remotely connected to—we ought to be grateful he's not asking for a ransom, and give the hanyou over to him."

"And you, Hijo? What do you think?"

Hijo's voice was rough and unfeeling as any of the others, "I think Futo has a valid point, Mr. Chairman. It's the duty to protect the students of Cheng. We don't owe that gutterpunk anything."

"Perhaps not… Never the less, I'd like it if I could discuss it with my fellow board members."

"We don't have time for that, sir! He's not going to keep her alive all night while we hold a meeting!" Hyoka was starting to sound crazy. He probably couldn't wait to toss me over the balcony. What an asshole.

Wu didn't seem completely on board, but he wasn't exactly fighting for me either. I had a bad feeling I knew how this would end. Especially since I couldn't trust that rich fat-ass for anything in the world.

"Something must be done." Futo agreed. "Quickly. There's only one noble option."

"Mr. Wu!" Hakkai shouted suddenly, "You can't be honestly _considering_ doing this!"

"Silence, Hakkai. Go inside and let us discuss this."

"You actually expect me to march back inside like a chastised, little child while you decide the fate of my best friend? You're incredible! All of you! You don't care about what happens to me or Kanan or any of your students—all that matters to you is the money! It's repulsive how little you care about the lives of those around you! You're just as bad as _he_ is!"

_Hakkai…_

I closed my eyes and loosened my grip on the railing.

He was the only one who cared about Kanan on a personal level, because they had the same family name, or he wanted to bang her, or whatever, and he was the only one who was speaking in my defense.

It wouldn't be enough to save me. They'd brush him off like a kid.

_Maybe…it's best…. Kanan shouldn't die for this mess._

"Control yourself." Wu said sharply. "This doesn't concern you."

"It does concern me! More than it concerns any of _you_ for certain! You don't even know what any of this is about, but you hold the power up over our heads, so he can use that against us! You aren't going to do what's best for everyone, you're going to do exactly what he wants you to do!"

"That's enough, Hakkai." Hyoka said icily. "What do you expect us to do? His terms are very strict."

Doctor Yinfu spoke up suddenly, "Gentlemen, aren't there any other options? I think that's what young Hakkai is trying to say: Giving in to such a psychotic demand is not the only option, I'm sure."

"I think that's our decision." Hijo snapped. "It has nothing to do with you, doctor."

Futo joined him immediately, "Besides. We don't have time for anything else."

"Then you want all these students to witness the officials of this school giving in to an act of terrorism? You don't think _that_ will be bad for business."

"I hardly think our reputation is on the line, Doctor." Hyoka's cool voice answered, "Consider the requested trade. Whether this is an act of terrorism or not, do you honestly believe the students of this institute will care one way or another what becomes of a hanyou whose name they don't even know, considering it's in the best interest of a peer?"

"Some will." Hakkai said quickly.

"_One _will. I still insist it's a sacrifice worth making, and my colleagues seem to agree with me."

The doctor hesitated a second, and then his voice was dark and angry, "I think that's very wrong, gentlemen, sacrificing one child's life for another's."

"Well, it's not your decision, doctor, with all due respect. This is a matter for the board members to decide."

"The board members aren't even here!" Hakkai almost screamed. "It's just the four of _you_! You're too afraid to do anything else, so you're going to sacrifice Gojyo!"

"For the last time, Hakkai. Be silent."

Hakkai ignored him, "Mr. Wu, please! Don't do this! Believe me, no one cares more than I do what becomes of Kanan, but I can't believe you actually think this is the only way! Please, sir! Please don't do this—you said you would protect us! _Both _of us!"

I listened to his voice for a moment. He was really begging them now, and he wasn't backing down, no matter how many times they told him to shut up. I glanced over at him, and even though he wasn't facing me, I caught a glimpse of his expression, angry and determined and desperate.

_Hakkai…I'm so sorry…_

His life had been going great before I showed up. Maybe he had his own shit in his past to deal with, but at least he'd been heading for a bright future, just like Tai said, and then I'd walked into his life and fucked up everything. Wouldn't he be better off without me? Wouldn't it be best for him if he got to be with Kanan?

I turned to stare up at the moon. _What should I do, Tai_?

Tai didn't answer. The arguing went on behind me, but I wasn't listening to them anymore, I was trying to figure it out, doing my best to conquer my fear.

_Hakkai's doing everything he can to save me—he deserves to be with Kanan—I owe it to him…I owe him so much…no matter how scared I am, if I let something happen to Kanan…damn, I just don't think I can live that down._

Who did I have in this world anyway? Banri didn't give a shit about me. Tai was dead. I was never going to find Jien. Hakkai was the only friend I had, definitely the best I'd ever had, and was I really going to let anything fucked up happen to him? It'd be better for him…

_Even if whatever Dasha has in mind for me is worse than death, I can't let him get hurt… What kinda' friend would I be?_

"Mr. Wu." Hyoka was practically shouting now, and he sounded frustrated, "Speak plainly, sir. I wish to know what the Chairman of the board thinks."

Wu didn't even hesitate, "I'm sure you do, Professor, however, you must realize this isn't my decision to make. These lives are not mine to save or to barter away."

"Then-then who on _earth_ do you expect to make this decision? _Me_? Very well, then I say we-"

"Not you, Hyoka. Isn't it obvious? The decision belongs to Gojyo-kun."

Everyone was quiet.

A chill sped down my spine. Slowly, I turned to them, not quite believing what I'd just heard. _Me? It's _my_ decision?_

They were all staring at me. Wu looking expectant, Hyoka shocked and disgusted, Hakkai looked like he could just about pass out again.

Sadly, I smiled at him.

"Well, Mr. Gojyo?" Wu asked firmly, "This is the mess you've made—you ignored the very good advice of everyone around you, and you continued in your task, stubbornly, and now we've come to this, so it stands to reason that you're the only one who can fix it. You're the only one who can decide upon the way this will end. What do you have to say to that?"

Maybe he was right. This was all my fault. Ash-Calder said it too when I faced him on the mountain.

…_Be prepared to hold yourself accountable for whatever may follow this encounter, and know that you take your lives, as well as the very balance of nature, into your own hands now…_

Tai and Hakkai had already paid for what I'd done. If I let even one more person pay for my mistakes, how could I live with myself?

Slowly, I took a step back toward the edge of the balcony.

Hakkai lurched forward, reaching his hand out like he thought he could grab me. His eyes were wide and full of fear, "Don't!"

"There's no other way, 'Kai."

"That's not true, Gojyo! We'll figure something else out!"

"It's me or Kanan…even you can't tell me you think that's fair."

"…He's going to kill you…"

"No. He's not." With a single bound, I was standing on the railing, the black abyss at my back, my only connection to this life standing in front of me.

"Then it'll be worse. I can't let you do this!"

"Wu's right, Hakkai, this is all my fault. I gotta' face the facts: this is what I deserve. I'm just sorry…you had to get roped into my shit."

"Don't be ridiculous. I helped you because I wanted to. Are you really that much of an idiot?" he was coming forward now, "If you go, I'm going too, because like it or not, I'm just as responsible as you are—I've done just as much!"

"We're not equals, Hakkai. We never have been."

"Gojyo!" he ran at me, made one frantic attempt at yanking me back down from the railing.

I jumped out of reach, easily, falling back into the abyss with my hair and clothes blowing around me in the cold, night air.

Hakkai threw himself against the balcony railing. Doctor Yinfu and Jing-Sheng grabbed him before he could follow me, and then, I watched him shrink away, eyes wide and shining, mouth gaping as he screamed, his hand still reaching out for me.

All of it was stupid. It was so stupid, it made me smile.

I landed on my feet in the grass, and then I was standing again, immediately. I turned on my heel, not looking back at Hakkai, and marched across the yard, toward Dasha, who was watching me come, with a big, white, sharp grin.

Fear bubbled up in me when I saw him, but I shoved it away. I hadn't always done the right thing in my life, and I don't think I'd ever cleaned up my own mess before, but even if this was the last thing I did before I died, that would be better than nothing.

"Well, well, well." He laughed. "I didn't expect you to do something so noble. Could it be your kind have souls after all?"

I was just a few feet from him now. "I'm here now. Let her go."

He studied me a moment, frowning suddenly. "You're foolish, Gojyo. I'll make your life a living nightmare—you won't get off with an easy death."

"Blah, blah, blah." I was lighting my very last cigarette. Damn, the tobacco and nicotine tasted _so_ good in the fresh air. I was glad I started smoking when I was nine. "I know the routine, Dasha, so how about you shut up and let her go."

His frown became a grin again, "Oh, drop the brave act, why don't you? Or don't you understand what there is to be afraid of? Let me enlighten you.

"The first thing I'm going to do when we get back to Jin is fuck the shit out of you, got that? All night, Gojyo. This has been the most frustrating day of my life, and I've gotta' take it out on somebody. By the time I'm done with you, the shit's gonna' just _fall_ out of you. When I'm sick of that, I think I'll start taking whatever I like from you. Know what I mean? You've got good teeth—I'll add those to my collection, of course—and I've always liked your blood red eyes. They'll look good in a jar on my shelf. I hope you're not attached to your dick. A little cunt like you doesn't deserve that in the first place. I'm gonna' take away everything you could ever possibly enjoy in this life—your tongue, your ears, your hands. After tomorrow, you won't be any better than a meat puppet. You'll never see the sun again. You'll never see your friend Hakkai. You'll never hold another woman in your arms. You're going to beg to die right up until I cut out your larynx and you can't anymore."

Kanan started to cry suddenly, wailing, "Shut up, you monster! How can you be so sick?"

"It's okay, Kanan." I said calmly.

"You shut up too! Just run! You sonnova' bitch, leave him alone! Leave Hakkai alone! Everyone! Can't you just leave us all alone?"

"Let her go, Dasha." I took a long drag off my cigarette, just to keep from shivering. My stomach was tight, and I couldn't say I wasn't scared, but I also knew I couldn't let him see that. "Do whatever you wanna' with me, but let her go, and don't mess with Hakkai anymore."

"Ha." He shoved Kanan to the side suddenly, knocking her to the ground. "I bet you wish you'd just done your job right, huh? You'd be with your brother by this time if you'd just obeyed me."

"No. I've always known I'd never seen my brother again."

"Well, now you definitely aren't going to. You're never going to see _anyone_ again."

"Yeah, yeah, you already said that. I'm never going to see the sun again, 'cause you're gonna' fuck the shit outta' me and rip out my eyes and my teeth and whatever. I got it. Quit your babbling and let's get it on, alright?"

He glared at me, eyes full of hate, and his grin turned back into a grimace, and I could see how angry it made him that I wasn't crying and begging for mercy.

I added, just to piss him off, "For the record, you hit like a little girl. I'd rather let you beat the shit out of me than spend five minutes in the same room as my crazy-ass mother. She made you look like a little boy having a temper tantrum."

That was all it took. The anger that sparked across his gaze made his eyes look pure black.

I got ready. I didn't have a weapon, but there was no way I was going down without a fight, even if there was no way for me to avoid the awful things he had in mind for me, I just couldn't lie down and take it.

I was going to fight and kick and scream until he made it so I couldn't anymore.

For just a moment longer, he stood perfectly still.

"Wassamatter, Dasha? Don't tell me you're all talk—I was looking forward to one last good fuck before I die."

Still, he didn't move.

I took the cigarette out of my mouth and blew smoke through my nose.

"Well? What're you waiting for? A written-"

There was a sudden bang that exploded through the night and echoed. I heard dozens of screaming voices, the closest of which was Kanan's. The chaos died back into silence, and I stayed where I was, swallowing hard, and for a second I didn't really understand what just happened. I started to say something, choked on something. Spit? No…it tasted like copper. I coughed up a mouthful of blood.

Pain started as a faint sting in the middle of my stomach. For a second, I thought it was just an itch, but then it grew and grew, expanding into a throbbing, burning wound.

I dared to look down at myself.

There was a dark splotch on my shirt the size of a one-yen coin, growing quickly, and in a matter of seconds, it was the size of my hand, and blood was dripping on the ground.

My legs gave out, suddenly. The pain in my stomach made me feel like someone had torn through me with a katana. Harakiri would be less painful.

I landed hard on my hands and knees, arms shaking with the effort of holding myself up. I gasped and choked, vomiting blood on the dead, yellow grass. I couldn't hold back a scream as the icy touch of pain reached through to my back and the pain spread up my torso into my heart. I fisted my hands in the blades of grass and gritted my teeth, trying to fight off the unbearable pain.

"Gojyo!" Kanan cried, running to my side.

How did she know my name?

_Hakkai talking about me behind my back…?_

The café, stupid. You introduced yourself at the café.

Now the pain was starting to numb, but my whole body was freezing. Did the bleeding stop? It must have stopped by now… I touched my stomach. My hand came back dripping with fresh, hot blood. I stared at it, trying to make sense of what I was seeing.

_That color…that color… I can see why Mom hated it so much. It's…so gross._

I almost choked on my own smile and bitter laugh.

_The stomach…I can't believe that dick shot me in the stomach…it'll take me hours to bleed out…_

It had to be the worst place to get shot possible. Painful. Slow. Bloody.

_Oh well…._

I rocked back on my knees, feeling the blood pour down my chin, letting my arms hang limply by my sides. I stared up at the moon again, realizing this would be the last time I saw it.

_Oh well._

Then I fell back, flopping onto my back, hitting the ground hard, and the pain and darkness overwhelmed me.

I shut my eyes.


	16. Chapter 16

**XVI**

Say something new  
The fight never ends  
I can't face the dark  
**Without You  
**

* * *

**Hakkai**

One.

I heard my own voice screaming, but I could barely make sense of it.

Two.

I wrenched away from Jing-Sheng and Yinfu and Quing and Liling, even though they were all clinging to me, trying to keep me in place.

Three.

I was over the railing in a blur of sky and ground.

Four.

I landed hard, dropping to my knees, not even a fraction as gracefully as Gojyo had landed, scrambled up as quickly as I could.

Five.

I was running as fast as I could, my heart was hammering in my throat. My mind was a whirlwind of the same screaming, hoarse word, over and over. No. No, no, no.

Five seconds. Gojyo was shot five seconds ago. Dasha just pointed the gun at him and shot him, blew a hole in his stomach. I saw that splatter of blood and I heard that awful sound. I was moving as fast as I could, but I knew there was nothing I could do to save him.

Six.

Kanan was kneeling next to him, hand on his back. I was running so fast, but I felt like I wasn't getting anywhere. I felt like I'd never be able to reach him, and if I just could…if I could just somehow touch him and feel the wound with my own fingers and hold him in my arms, if he was going to die, if I could just comfort him, somehow, even if I died next…maybe…maybe…

No. Nothing could make this okay. Nothing could make _me_ all right now.

Seven.

Gojyo fell back and didn't move.

Eight.

Kanan leaned over him now, clutching his hand and speaking frantically.

Nine.

Dasha moved to stand above him as well, looking down at him coldly. He was proud of what he did. He was so pleased to have shot Gojyo like that. For what?

_For what?_

Because he couldn't scare him?

_Where is Gen-Tang now? He said he was going to help us._

No one could though. Obviously Dasha had come here for us. He'd happened across Kanan, who happened to be exactly what he needed to break us down, whether he knew that she meant something to me, or if he just thought Wu and the others were going to hand Gojyo over without a thought. It didn't matter. He knew he'd never get them to hand me over to him, but I was the one he needed.

That meant he knew I'd do what I was doing right now. He knew I'd run like the devil was after me to try to save Gojyo. He'd seen that this afternoon at the theater. He'd seen that the two of us would do anything to protect each other.

_Dammit. He's right…_

Tears were starting to burn my eyes, but I couldn't afford to let them fall now.

Ten.

I was there beside him. I barely remembered running to him. I barely remembered falling down next to him. I heard myself shouting, voice choked and tight and terrified, "Gojyo! Gojyo!"

Ten seconds. He'd been shot ten seconds ago. The blood was covering the bottom half of his shirt. His face was as pale as the moon. He was staring at the sky with half-lidded eyes, like he was sinking into a dream.

"Gojyo!" I took his torso in my arms, shoulders lying across my bicep, head resting against my shoulder. He looked at me like I was a ghost.

"Gojyo…Gojyo…can you hear me? It's me. Can you hear me?"

I brushed the misfallen hair out of his face, tucking it back behind his ear, I wiped the blood from his lips, I laid my hand on his cheek, over the scars, but he felt so cold, it was like touching a doll. I knew he had no idea I was next to him.

Kanan was beside me. Her hand on my shoulder, face buried against my back as she wept. I didn't even understand. He didn't mean anything to her. He didn't mean anything to anyone. Anyone but me.

I was crying too, I realized, the tears pouring silently down my cheeks as I stared at him, watching him drift away, and I was wishing, suddenly, that I were more than just an unhappy, little human boy. I was wishing I could be a youkai too. That I had more strength. That I could save him somehow. That I could heal him. That I could at least stand up, turn around, and make his killer pay for what he'd done to Gojyo. I was wishing my claws were sharper.

"Can you hear me?" I whispered.

His body convulsed slightly. My God, he felt so light, as if he were going to whither away in my arms.

"Gojyo…" I slid my hand over his face again. "It's me…"

His eyelids fluttered. I felt him grab onto my shirt front, but feebly, "What're…you…?" The effort of talking had him choking and coughing up blood at once. Some of it splashed on my face, but I didn't care.

"Don't try to talk. It's going to be all right, Gojyo, I promise, I'm going to help you—I'm going to get someone who can…" I managed to grate out the words, "Save you."

A slight smile curved on his bloodied lips, and he gripped my wrist, "What's the point…? This's what I deserve…after ev'rythin'…"

"Don't talk like that. This isn't the end. I promised…remember? I won't let this be it."

"Yeah…but…there's nothin' ya' can do, 'Kai…it's…just too late."

_Don't say that. Don't say that, Gojyo…please…? Don't leave me…_

The tears were rolling off my chin now. "Stop that. Please. Don't give up yet!"

Gojyo closed his eyes and tilted his head, resting his forehead on my neck, "Why not? Nobody…gives a damn anyway… Y'know…maybe…if someone cared about whether or not I'm in this world…I'd feel better about staying in it…"

I stammered, "Buh-but how can you say that, Gojyo? How can you not realize that I-"

"Oh, little human." Dasha hissed.

"Hakkai." Kanan gasped, clenching my sleeve.

He was standing over us, casting a shadow over the three of us, blocking out the moonlight.

I didn't look at him as he went on speaking.

"You're even dumber than he is, do you realize that? Gojyo's sacrifice was enough to save the girl, and if you'd stayed where you were, it might have saved you too. Now, you're going to make his death a waste, because there's no one who can protect you from me now." There was a shimmer of red over Gojyo's face. "The time has come, Hakkai, and there's nothing you can do about it. With this dagger…I'll take your life, and add it to my own, and then I'll make this world rue its own creation."

I didn't answer. I was staring down at my friend's face as he slowly passed away, out of this horror of this world, into the peace and tranquility and the solitude of the next. Could it be I should be happy for him, happy to know he was finally out of danger, and he could finally drift into serenity, away from the things that frightened him and hunted him, away from the prejudice and hatred he was constantly being handed for the way he was born? Could it be I should be happy that his suffering was about to end?

No. I couldn't even think it, because I knew that his peace was my own pain. I knew that if he lifted off and flew away into some netherworld, that meant I'd never see him again.

Then there'd be no more playing in the hills, there'd be no more cloud-watching, no more adventures, no more arguments, no more worrying over him, no more laughing with him, no more comforting him, no more letting him comfort me, no more silly, grinning, flippant, insensitive, childish, happy-go-lucky Lost Boy to come around and make me smile just when I thought I'd probably never find something to smile about again. What was best for him couldn't possibly be worse for me.

Dasha would pay for this.

Slowly, I lowered Gojyo back to the ground, gently laying his head down on the grass. He looked soft and young and almost angelic now, like I could shake him and he'd wake. If only it were so. If only I could save him.

There was only one thing I could settle for now.

Dasha snorted, "It's pathetic, really, the way the two of you regard one another. I've relished tearing you apart like this, just as I'll relish killing you now."

"You're not going to kill me." I said quietly.

"What's that?"

"Contrary to what you believe, that which you see as pathetic has given the two of us more strength than we've ever had in our whole lives in just these past few months, and I think you'll regret tampering with such a thing."

Dasha laughed, loudly and rudely. "You idiot! I can see you haven't been on this earth long enough to have learned that love isn't a strength. It's a weakness."

"I never said I loved Gojyo." I answered coldly. "I will say though, that I will make you sorry for what you've done to me on this night."

He just kept laughing.

Well, let him. It had been approximately a minute and a half since Gojyo was shot. He was dying. Wu and the others would likely make a move to save Kanan and I now, but they couldn't all leap over the balcony like I had. They'd have to move with more discretion, and with an air of caution. So as long as Dasha kept laughing, and they kept taking their time, I would get my moment.

I laid my hand over Gojyo's, whispering, "For you."

I rose, slowly, facing Dasha.

Kanan stayed kneeling at my feet.

Dasha laughed all the more, shook his head and grinned mockingly at me, "What now? Do you think you can actually make me pay for killing him?"

"I shall. Or I'll die trying."

He snorted, "Ridiculous. Well, do what you want, but don't expect me to go easy on you because you're a human."

Instead of answering, I said, "Kanan, please stand back now. I wouldn't want to involve you any further."

She was gaping up at me, "…Little brother…please…"

I took a moment to smile down at her, "We will be together soon, I promise, but for now, I can't let this maniac get away with what he's done, and I couldn't bear to let anything happen to you."

With a jerky nod, she got up and backed away. I don't know how far she went—she could have gone all the way back to the school, for all I knew—but I didn't look to see. I had to focus on Dasha. With any luck, he wouldn't kill me here, because not all the Hallmarks of Discord were present, and that meant he'd be holding back.

Still, I scanned the area quickly. I didn't see any sign of his henchmen, but they were more than likely nearby. I'd best be prepared for that.

"What exactly do you intend to fight me with?" Dasha chortled.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out Gojyo's switchblade. I barely recalled picking it up in my stupor at the theater, but I was glad I had now. I'd meant to return it to him, because judging by the way he held it, I felt it must mean something to him. Now, I was glad I'd completely forgotten about it.

"That? Don't make me laugh, boy. You'd do just as well with a pair of chopsticks."

"We'll see, won't we?"

He kept laughing.

A dark smile curved on my lips, and I felt a horrible, agonizing hate swell up in me, a grinning monster opening its mouth, deep inside my soul, and a terrible lust for blood was suddenly saturating every shadow of desire in my heart. When we'd fought earlier, in the theater, I'd been all too aware of how much stronger he was than me, simply because he was a youkai, but now those inhibitions were gone, and only the black longing for murder remained. There was nothing I wanted more now than to kill him, and I would.

The laughter stopped suddenly, and Dasha looked at me a bit more seriously. "I can hardly believe you mean to go through with this. Don't you know I'll kill you?"

"You're going to kill me anyway."

"That's true, I guess."

We stared each other down just a second longer, and a chilly night wind started to blow, but I knew I didn't have any more time to waste. If I waited too long, his cronies might arrive and overpower me, or else school security would come to the rescue and interfere before I could give Dasha the proverbial taste of his own medicine.

Drawing the knife back, I sprang, took a swipe at his neck, fully intending to slit his throat from one side to the next.

Dasha leapt back just in time, and I barely nicked him, drawing a solitary drop of blood.

Either way, he stared at me with his eyes unusually large.

I didn't give him a moment to recover before going at him again, this time making a horizontal strike at his stomach. Again, the tip of the knife barely brushed him, cutting through the fabric. I came back again with an upward slice toward his arm, and this time, I cut him deeply, across the back of the wrist.

That seemed to make him angry. He stepped forward, and swung at me with his good arm, shouting, and I barely moved before getting my entire arm hacked off at the shoulder, but I stumbled a bit, and lost ground.

Kanan yelled.

Dasha lunged at me, took a stab at my leg.

I remembered that I'd shattered his wrist in the theater, and even though he'd been using it earlier, to restrain Kanan, I didn't think it would be much use to him in a fight. That thought gave me a bit of hope.

I dove to the side, spun around to face him, sweat already starting to drip down my forehead. I held Gojyo's knife at the ready.

Dasha gnashed his teeth at me, "Well okay then, if you really want to play this the hard way, that's just fine. You don't have to be all in one piece for the sacrifice, you know. As long as you're alive when I take you back to the theater, that's all that matters."

I pretended to throw myself at him, stopped short of the tip of the dagger, swung downward, attempting to cut him from left shoulder to right hip. He checked my attack easily, pushing me away, then charged.

I felt the razor-sharp edge of the ruby dagger slice me open along my left forearm.

His next attack came high, apparently aiming for my face, and I ducked under it, drove at his exposed stomach.

Dasha turned to the side and my attack slipped past him.

He tried to stab me in the back while I was bent over.

I darted back and he merely clipped my shoulder instead, but I was given the opportunity to slide the edge of my knife across his thigh, cutting it deeply, through the leather pants he was wearing, and right into his leg.

We both sprang back from each other, dripping a bit more blood. I felt the claw wound in my stomach aching, and my arms were tired. Again, my poor endurance might be the thing that got me killed.

"I must admit to you, Cho Hakkai, I'm a bit impressed with you. You're not a bad fighter for being just a human."

I didn't so much as favor him with a smile, but I dove at him again, aiming right for his chest. Dasha knocked me away.

I stopped hard, whipped around and went at him again.

Still, now that he mentioned it, I was surprised at how well I was doing. I had no experience with knife fighting—what little I did know about it came from observing a few fights in my younger days—so it almost felt as if I were fighting instinctively, as if the anger and outrage in me were giving me the will and ability to hold my own.

Dasha blocked my assault, never-the-less, and struck. I felt his blade graze my jaw, but I couldn't let the close call frighten me. As his hand flew up, past my face, I seized his wrist, locking it in place. We struggled. I tried to stab him in the stomach. He struck me across the face with his free hand, in spite of his broken wrist. I kicked him as hard as I could in the knee, and he collapsed, dragging me down with him.

Together, we rolled across the ground, dangerously close to being gutted by one another's knives, fighting to get the advantage. He was heavier, and stronger than me, and it was only a couple of seconds before he had me pinned beneath me, sitting astride my stomach with the ruby dagger itching to slit my throat.

I glared up into his cold, purple eyes.

"In the future, you'd do best to watch your arrogance, boy."

I spat in his face.

For a moment, he seemed inexorably shocked, and then the murder took over his face again. "Why, you little-"

"Hakkai-chan!" Kanan cried. She had a tree branch or something, with which she struck him across the back of the head, and while he was dazed, I managed to pull loose of his grip and deliver a deep slit across his belly. Blood poured from the wound, and Dasha practically rolled off me, howling with pain and rage.

I got to my feet as quickly as I could and went after him, but he was fast to spring up as well, and he whipped around, dagger out, the tip of it cutting right across the bridge of my nose, barely missing my eyes.

With a shout, I jumped back, swiping at my face, just to make sure my eyes really hadn't been damaged.

He turned to me, first clutching at his stomach, and then holding his hand up to watch the blood run down to his elbow, "You continue to impress me, little Hakkai. You really are something…still…it's foolish to believe you can actually win this match of ours."

"We'll see." I panted. "It looks to me as if you're the one who's badly injured now." I prepared to attack again.

Laughing shortly, he suddenly reached behind him, once again producing the pistol he'd used to shoot Gojyo and aiming it right at me.

I froze, staring down its black barrel, mouth threatening to fall open.

"No!" Kanan screamed, running toward me.

"Stop!" I snapped at her.

She froze in her tracks. "Hakkai…"

I kept my eyes fixed on Dasha, "He won't do it. He needs me alive."

"Alive, yes." Dasha growled, "But not conscious necessarily, and as I said, not in one piece."

"You seem to have a large caliber gun there. As we both know, it's very difficult to control the severity of a wound I inflicted by a gunshot—much more difficult than with a knife, that is—even if you just shoot me in the knee, with a gun that powerful, there's no guarantee you can get me all the way back to the theater before I bleed to death. Also, don't think for a moment that I'll stop fighting you just because I'm injured. I'm going to make you pay for what you did to Gojyo, no matter the cost."

Dasha seemed annoyed at that, and then his eyes widened again, beginning to shine as he came to some horrific realization.

I tried not to sound unnerved as I went on, "Security forces from my school are likely on their way as we speak. We've only been fighting for a handful of minutes. Unless you finish me off very soon, you're not going to get the opportunity needed to sacrifice me in the first place."

"That is true, I'll admit, but I did just think of something that might interest you."

I watched warily as he took a few steps to the side, moving toward Gojyo, "You see, it's just that Gojyo doesn't seem to be quite dead yet. When your school's security forces arrive, it's entirely possible that they'll be able to save his life."

I'd known that from the beginning, but I'd been hoping he wouldn't think of it himself. Now I watched warily as he stood over Gojyo, aiming the gun down at him instead, "Unless I finish what I started, that is."

"Get away from him." I snarled.

"Your loyalty sickens me, Cho Hakkai. I must admit, I'd like to kill him just for the sake of the devastation I know it will cause you, but above all else, I'm a business man, so I'm willing to make a deal with you, if you care to listen."

My mouth was suddenly dry; I tried to swallow, attempted to calm my heart, but it was awful to see the business end of a pistol pointed at my best friend's face while he was completely unaware of anything happening in the world around him. "Don't kill him." I ordered as firmly as I could. "I'm listening."

"I won't, as long as you drop your weapon and come back to the theater with me now, is that clear? Otherwise, I can blow his head open now, finish this little scuffle of ours, and _drag_ you back to An Jin. The choice is yours."

The knife trembled in my hand. I thought about dropping it. Did I dare go with him? Give up my life for Gojyo when Gojyo might not live past this moment, whether Dasha spared him or not? It might be worth it…it might not.

Kanan was standing just a few yards away. When I thought of how I'd looked for her, and how desperate I'd been to find her, it was hard to even consider giving up without a fight, even if it was for Gojyo.

What should I do?

Dasha was laughing at me again, with the darkest sort of glee. "How awful it must be to be so bound by loyalty and justice. I'm glad I was born to be a creature of the darkness. I offer you one more chance, Cho Hakkai; surrender, or he dies."

Gen-Tang appeared quite suddenly, seeming almost to slide out of the shadows—I hadn't even seen his approach—and sidled up behind Dasha, settling the naked edge of his katana against Dasha's neck, "I highly suggest you rethink those options."

Dasha was quiet a moment, then he hissed, "Well, well. If it isn't the fool who interfered at the theater. What, may I ask, are you doing here?"

"That's my business, and mine alone. As for you, drop your gun."

Dasha lingered a moment.

Gen-Tang's sword dug in just a bit. "Now."

He dropped it all right, practically threw it down on Gojyo, who jerked harshly upon impact, an indication that he was probably still at least semi-conscious.

My guts clenched at the sight, and my lust for murder increased.

"What now?" Dasha asked calmly.

"Now. Master Hakkai will finish you off, I think, and even if he fails, I'll be here to ensure you die, one way or another."

"That's very noble of you, sir. But how am I to know you're as honorable as your words? What's to keep you from interfering with our fight?"

"Believe me, I'm a man of honor."

"Not in this day and age." Dasha raised his hand suddenly, snapping his fingers.

At once, Bang and his men surged in through the gate. There were about fifteen of them, each armed with knives, and they were laughing and sneering, ready to fight.

"Perhaps my men can entertain you for a while, good sir."

Gen-Tang lowered his sword and watched them approach. He spoke lowly, "Hakkai, I'll leave it to you to finish him off, but rest assured, I have your back, should you need assistance."

I wondered at his faith in me. Did he really think a person as young as myself could finish Dasha? I sincerely hoped he was right.

He moved toward Dasha's men, shouting suddenly, "All right, men, let's finish this clan of hellions off and take back what belongs to our people!"

As soon as he'd spoken, four of the men who'd been mingling with the group, sneering and laughing like the others, suddenly broke away, facing toward the remaining six with their blades ready, the smiles dropping from their faces, visages turning remarkably stern.  
Then I remembered what he'd said about having some of his own men infiltrate Dasha's theater.

Bang looked startled and angry, "What the hell? What're you assholes up to?"

"We don't answer to _you_." One of them snarled. "Prepare to die in the name of Gen-Tang of Ying!"

At once, all of them were fighting. It was a clash of steel meeting steel, voices crying out in agony, anger and fear.

Movement in the corner of my eye.

I turned just in time to block Dasha's attack. He swept in, aiming for my head again. I blocked seconds before he would have decapitated me, then feinted back, sneering, "I believe you're getting careless. You might have killed me just then."

"To be honest it suddenly occurred to me that I might be able to find a different virgin to complete the sacrifice. I did really want it to be you, but that was mostly to fuck with Gojyo, and now that he's dying, what difference does it make? I can still rip you to pieces, just to satisfy my own desires."

"How twisted of you."

"Perhaps your young lady friend here will suffice." He grinned wolfishly.

I whipped my blade at him, and then again. "I would never allow that."

Just like that, we were in the fight again, only the intensity had increased. Our battle became one of speed and perseverance, a battle where one struck again and again without mercy, never so much as slowing down to wipe the sweat from his eyes. I felt his blade cut into me half a dozen times, and my own carved through him in turn, at least that many times. In a matter of moments, we were both dripping from head to toe in crimson, breathing hard, and beginning to slow down, but I refused to lose any ground, and I drove at him, hardly caring that my knife wasn't even half the size of the Ruby Dagger.

"You know." He hissed, "You fascinate me, Cho Hakkai." He lunged at me, barely missed driving his blade down into my shoulder.

"What about me could possibly fascinate a sick maniac like you?" I knocked his next attack away and went for his throat, which he was guarding closely, caught him in the back of the hand instead.

"Isn't it obvious? The darkness in you is as thick as the night itself. I can sense it: you're a maniacal creature, just as brutal and hateful and full of murder as I am."

He took a swipe at my face, hacking off a lock of my hair as I ducked to the side.

I took the opportunity to slash at his stomach, but he leapt back and avoided the bite all together.

"I very highly doubt that, Dasha."

"Then I think you'd better look inside yourself, Cho Hakkai." He fixed his violet eyes on me, shining with brutality, "Believe me, there is a demon buried inside that innocent soul of yours. I've never met a human who was such a ruthless killer."

I snorted. "Ridiculous. I've never killed anyone in my life."

"But you will, assuming you live past tonight. I think." He swung at me and our blades clashed together. "I think you'll become a very great murderer, if I let you live."

He made me angry, and I fought that much harder. I was running out of time, and I was wearing down, Gojyo was still bleeding to death under my feet, and I was all together entirely sick of Dasha.

"I hope you know that when I finish you, I'll finish _him_ next. And maybe I'll take her away with me. She's rather beautiful."

The fury that spiked through me gave me a new burst of energy, strength and speed combining. I attacked with increased ferocity.

It seemed to amuse Dasha. He laughed, and then suddenly kicked me in the stomach, right where I was injured.

Pain shot through my entire torso as I staggered back, holding my wound. My stitches might have burst, for I thought I felt fresh blood flowing from the spot. The pain was almost blinding.

"Hakkai!"

I crouched on the ground, sucking in painful breaths and holding my stomach. My head hurt too. The lacerations from the fight were burning. But I did not feel desperate. Even while my knees were buckling and my heart was racing, I was calm. I was ready.

Laughing, Dasha stood over me. "Look at you. Pathetic. Well, perhaps I was wrong. You'll never get to grow into the brutal killer you were obviously born to be. That's almost a shame—if you'd never met Gojyo, this wouldn't be happening to you. You know that, don't you? That mutt ruined your life; you should be glad he's about to expire."

I lowered my head and held my breath, steeling myself against those cruel words.

"Now, once and for all, say goodnight, Cho Hakkai, the killer."

Kanan screamed my name again, but I stood still.

Dasha laughed hysterically.

I saw Gen-Tang rushing toward me, meaning to save me from this despicable end, but he was too late.

Dasha raised the ruby dagger to the moon. I saw the pale red of it shining down on my skin, and I saw the shadow the moonlight cast on the ground.

I leapt up again, switchblade ready, point up. I grabbed him by the front of the shirt, dragging him toward me with one hand, driving the knife up, deep, deep into his stomach, with the other.

Dasha gasped as the disbelief and pain sped through him. His eyes were as big as the full moon behind him.

Blood sprayed profusely down over my hand, soaking me up to the elbow.

He shuddered in my grip, voice rasping.. "Y-you…little monster."

I twisted the knife, forcing it in even deeper, and then, slowly, I cut across him, slicing his stomach open, letting the contents fall out all over the ground.

Dasha croaked and screamed. He dropped the Ruby Dagger.

With a final flourish, I ripped the switchblade out of him. It was barely sharp enough to accomplish such a feat, and I knew it all had to do with my own violence. That was fine by me.

"I warned you." I answered coldly.

He stared at me, gasping and shuddering, eyes beginning to dull. He grasped feebly at my shirt, and then let go, tumbling face down. He hit hard and didn't move. The blood pooled around him, soiling the grass.

He was dead.


	17. Chapter 17

**XVII**

All I have is one last chance  
I won't turn my back on you  
Take my Hand  
Drag me down  
If you fall then I will too  
And I can't save what's left but you

**Hakkai**

We stood there with the cool wind blowing around us, and I could smell blood and death in the air, but I was steady and calm, almost heartless. Those around me were silent, staring at me in wonder and horror, and I knew exactly what they were thinking, because it was only natural to think those things, to be horrified and fascinated by what I'd done.

Most of Dasha's men had been disposed of now, leaving only Bang and two others still on their feet, not moving as they stared with gaping, black mouths at their fallen boss. "D-dasha…?" Bang murmured.

The other choked out, "That…little sonnova' bitch killed the boss…"

I threw the knife down, turned to them, adjusting my glasses. "Go back and tell the others."

They shook at the sound of my voice and didn't move.

Gen-Tang nodded, "Go."

His four men stepped to the side, and the three leftovers dropped their weapons and ran, back through the gate and down the hill.

"H-Hakkai…" Kanan whispered. She was standing apart, staring at me in disbelief, but she didn't look disgusted or afraid, just stunned.

"I'm sorry you had to see that." I said simply.

"You did your duty, as any brave man must." Gen-Tang told me calmly, "Don't feel any shame for the blood you have spilt in the name of defending loved ones."

"Thank-you. I suppose later I may feel _some_ shame…but not for ending this disgusting man's life. I wanted nothing more than to kill him."

Kanan drew closer to me, touching my arm lightly, "Are you all right?"

I looked down at myself, saw how I was bleeding here and there, my clothes torn and stretched and stained, but I smiled a bit, in spite of it all, "Yes. Nothing too serious, I think. In any case, I'm much more concerned about him."

"That's only natural, I'm sure."

I turned to look at Gojyo. Gen-Tang was kneeling next to him already. "He's in bad shape, my boy. We need to get him to a doctor as quickly as possible." With that, he scooped Gojyo up in his arms, and he didn't so much as moan. His body was flaccid, and to look at him, you would think he was dead.

"Of course." I followed him as fast as I could, taking hold of Kanan's hand as I went, and now that the fight was over, I found that my heart was beginning to pound, painfully, and the anxiety made it almost impossible to swallow.

The other four men disappeared back into the shadows at a single look from their leader.

We hadn't gone too far when a squad of Cheng's security guards, ten strong, came out to meet us, Chairman Wu leading the way hurriedly. "Kanan! Hakkai!" he cried, rushing forward to grab onto my shoulders, "Thank goodness you're safe! We came as quickly as we could." Next, he clasped Kanan's hand.

I didn't have a moment to be concerned with how inefficient they'd been: there was only one thing to be concerned with now.

"Mr. Chairman." I said breathlessly, "We have to get him back to the infirmary as fast as we possibly can. He'll die if we don't."

Wu ran his eyes over Gojyo, but I couldn't bear to look at him myself, not when I already knew what I'd see: stark white skin, ghastly amounts of blood pouring from his mouth, down the side of his face, flowing down his neck, still spreading across his white shirt.

"Yes, I see." Wu murmured thoughtfully."Then there's not a moment to lose." And he set off back the way we'd come, calling out, "Someone run ahead and tell Yinfu to send out a stretcher!"

Just like that, Kanan shook loose of my hand and was running out past everyone else, back to the main building.

"Mr. Wu, you won't let Hyoka…interfere, will you? He'll-"

"That's _Professor _Hyoka to you, Hakkai-kun, lest you forget, and no. I'll see to it that Hyoka stays away."

I felt a wave of gratitude for that. Earlier, Hyoka's attitude toward Gojyo had been so appalling, I'd hardly been able to keep from striking him myself, or, at least, giving him a piece of my mind, and if he interefered when Gojyo was so close to death, I knew I really might not be able to keep my composure.

Not long afterward, a few doctors arrived with a stretcher. Gen-Tang laid Gojyo out there, and we all hurried back to the infirmary.

The next few hours passed in a blur of panic and dread, fear and denial building constantly in my heart as I watched Yinfu and his choice nurses work hard at saving Gojyo's life. I stood off to the side of the room and watched as they cut his shirt off. They hooked him up to monitors and respirators and IV needles until it almost looked to me as if the machines were the only things keeping him alive. I watched, feeling ill, as they sponged the blood off the bullet wound, and it flowed just as profusely every time. They jabbed needles into his stomach and swabbed persistently with soap and sanitizer, until their gloves were dripping with crimson.

Jing-Sheng stood beside me for a lot of it, and at times he would explain to me what they were doing, but I was hardly listening. I didn't care what measures they had to take to save his life, just as long as they did it.

Kanan stood on the other side of me, clutching my hand in hers, and Gen-Tang was off in the corner, watching without emotion.

At one point, I turned to him, and I couldn't help but demand, "Where were you?"

He fixed his eyes on me, but said nothing.

"All of this could have been prevented if you'd been there when Dasha came, you realize that of course. Gojyo would be fine if you'd done what you promised to do. After you swore you were going to help us, and everything you said about defeating him together, why weren't you there when he shot Gojyo?"

His voice stayed calm as he answered, "I _was_ there, Hakkai, but it was a delicate situation. Too delicate to step in without considering the consequences. For example, I wasn't sure I could confront Dasha without allowing some harm to befall the young lady, and by the time Gojyo arrived, I didn't think it mattered. I thought I could save him, if he went back to An Jin with Dasha. I didn't expect him to shoot him."

No one did-I certainly hadn't-but I still snapped, "That's no excuse. You had your chance to stop him, and you didn't!"

"I meant to move in, of course, but I thought it best to wait until Dasha was making his exit. I knew he had men on the other side of the gate. I didn't want to risk getting Gojyo or the young lady killed."

"You should have done something." I insisted. "_Something_."

Gen-Tang looked at me, sadly I thought, and I desperately wished he'd say '_you _should have done something, Hakkai; Gojyo sacrificed himself because he knew you couldn't bear to lose Kanan', but I knew he wouldn't. No one would ever be heartless enough to say that to me, especially not if Gojyo died.

What he said instead was, "I'm sorry this happened to your friend, Hakkai, and I wish I would have been able to prevent it, but I couldn't. That's the reality we live in. Still, you mustn't give up hope—he isn't dead yet."

It hardly seemed to matter. The more time passed, the more likely it seemed that Gojyo would die in the end. The doctors worked endlessly on him, but they never appeared to get anywhere.

When two hours had passed in that way, Dr. Yinfu came to me, bloody and hot and worried-looking. "I apologize, Hakkai-kun. We haven't been able to make much progress, I'm afraid."

I listened numbly. My own injuries were still bothering me, and yet, when they'd offered to treat my wounds, I'd refused, because I couldn't afford to leave Gojyo's side, even for a moment.

"The severity of the wound is too great, he's lost too much blood already, and, quite frankly, we're somewhat ill-equipped to deal with an injury of this nature. After all, we're here to tend to the students, and it's never been assumed that any students would be shot, especially here on campus."

"What should we do?" I asked quietly. "I mean, he's not going to die…is he?"

"I can't say at this point. The only thing that might be able to save him is if we take him to the local hospital, in Cheng, although…it may be too late for him by now. I should have acted sooner."

"We have to try though."

"I quite agree, Hakkai, but be forewarned, they may not even admit him into Cheng General…considering…well, you know. What he is."

I snapped, too tired and worried to hear such bleak news, "I am so tired of hearing that. You people cannot possibly imagine how enraging it is to hear your best friend being referred to as if he were a _thing._ An _animal!_ I don't understand how all of you can be so openly heartless!"

Yinfu raised his hands at once, "I wasn't meaning for it to sound that way, Hakkai. All I meant is that we should be prepared for rejection, because Gojyo is a hanyou, and like it or not, there are many people who _do_ think of him that way."

I started to shout all over again, but Jing-Sheng interrupted coolly, "I can get him in. My father's the chief of surgery there."

I turned to stare at him, hardly believing he would do such a thing for me. "Jing…"

He shrugged at me, "Don't read too much into it. He did a noble thing, putting his life on the line for Kanan. He doesn't deserve this brutal ending."

Never the less, I couldn't thank him enough.

We made the trip over to Cheng General next. Jing-Sheng, Yinfu, Kanan, Chairman Wu and I. Gen-Tang got lost somewhere amidst the move, and even though I looked for him, I didn't see him anywhere.

The staff at the hospital was noticeably reluctant to admit Gojyo, but Jing-Sheng played his trump card at once, and he was taken to the ER without delay. We went along as well, and I refused to leave the room, even while they worked on him, but again, the more time went on, the more hopeless I felt. They were working just as hard as Yinfu and his staff had, albeit they had other procedures to conduct, but when all was said and done, and they confessed that there was nothing more they could do, Gojyo didn't look any further from dying than he had before.

Jing-Sheng's father, the presiding surgeon, told me, somewhat stiffly, that there was no way for him to assist any further, and he didn't sound even slightly sorry for that either. It was all I could do to keep my angry words back, and instead, I thanked him, half-heartedly, and asked if I could see him.

"I can't see why not." He said, just as heartlessly, "You may as well say your goodbyes while you can—I'm not sure he'll make it through the night… although, I won't say it's impossible."

Not even waiting for him to finish, I went to Gojyo's side and held his hand and watched as he faded away slowly but surely. I murmured in his ear and touched his hair, but nothing I said or did stirred him, and I was beginning to fear that I might actually lose him.

"Please don't." I whispered. "If you die…I just don't know how I'll live with myself…"

It wasn't enough though. I overheard Jing's father talking with Yinfu, telling him 'it was only a matter of hours' and that 'the half-blood would be dead by morning'.

Yinfu instructed him not to tell me so, and he said, "Oh, of course not. I can see the boy is quite attached to that little bastard, for whatever reason. Disgraceful, if you ask me."

_Disgraceful…_

I felt thoroughly disgusted with the adults running the world I lived in. Not one of them had genuinely tried to save Gojyo—they didn't care if he died or not, because they knew he was a hanyou, so what did it matter? He wasn't important to them or to anyone else in this world.

_But he's important to _me.

The witch's words came back to me for what seemed like the two millionth time in the last two days: _'…__in the near future, I see that you will lose someone dear to your heart, in a storm of blood and hatred…'_

_Gojyo? If she meant Gojyo, why didn't she tell me so? I would have tried harder._

Behind me, I heard Wu enter the room, recognized his heavy steps. He sounded grave, "Excuse my interruption, Hakkai-kun, I'm sure you're in distress. How is he anyway?"

I didn't answer. I was thinking hard now.

"Well, at any rate, I want to let you know, there's no reason to concern yourself with the medical bills. Should he pull through, he needn't worry about it either." He paused.

_If she'd told me…I would have tried harder. I would have protected him._ I stroked the back of his hand, running my fingers over his busted, swollen knuckles.

Wu continued hesitantly, "What I mean is…I intend to cover it. All of it. After all, I…"

_Live. Isn't there some way to make it so that he can keep living?_

_I can't do this. There's absolutely no way I can make it through this…if he dies…_

_And…I don't know why._

_Why is that?_

It was too early to give up though. There had to be somewhere I could go, something I could do, someone I could talk to, who could tell me what to do. Someone who had the secret to saving his life.

_I can't leave him either._

Wu was still talking. I wasn't listening.

_Gojyo…_

The pain was almost physical.

_Why did you do this?_

_Stupid. Why did I _let_ him do this?_

I should have stopped him.

It was all I could do to hold back a sob, and I knew I was just moments away from falling apart and going into hysterics. I had never expected it to mean this much to me…

Wu seemed to be finishing up whatever he'd been rambling about. "…hardly expect that a hanyou would be able to cover such expenses by himself…even if he does live."

Slowly, I stood up, letting go of my friend, and I continued to stare at him without blinking. My mouth said dully, "Everyone seems so concerned with your heritage, don't they, Gojyo? Is that really the only reason I have to be the one to save you?"

Wu cleared his throat, "Hakkai? Are you listening? Believe me, I don't want Gojyo to die anymore than you do. That's why I'm offering to help, don't you see? They wouldn't be treating him at all if they thought they weren't going to be paid for it."

I stared at Gojyo a moment longer, uttering, "Well, rest assured, I will save you. Personal cost means nothing to me if I lose you in the end as well."

"Hakkai?" Wu tried again, but I was already walking past him.

I went out into the hall, where Kanan was standing with Jing-Sheng and Dr. Yinfu. She looked at me sadly. "How is he?"

"Dying." I answered briskly, breezing past her.

"Hakkai? Hakkai, where are you going?"

I didn't answer, unsure of how to explain what I was doing.

"Hakkai!" I felt her grab my arm, "You can't leave!"

"I must." I mumbled, barely aware that it was my own voice speaking. "I must… I must do something."

"Something? _What_ can you do? The doctors are the ones who can help Gojyo, Hakkai-"

"That's not true. There might be. There could be. I think there's a way…"

"No!" She grabbed my arm, firmly.

I stopped and turned to her, utterly stunned by the ferocity and determination and strength in her eyes, and then I knew again, deep in my heart, that we were very, very different. "You have to stay." Her voice trembled. I saw that tears were welling in her beautiful eyes, and I felt a flaking, cracked, almost non-existent memory of a childhood that had almost been happy. "You can't go, Hakkai…you can't leave him like this. Not when he needs you."

I tore my gaze from hers, looked past Jing-Sheng and Yinfu, who were staring at our exchange, and studied the door for a long moment, considering the fragile, precious life that was fluttering beyond it, a hopeless soul with no one to save it.

_God doesn't save anyone. What, am I expected to leave this all to chance? To hope in the mercy of a greater existence than my own?_

"_Hakkai_!" She repeated. "Are you listening to me? You can't just leave now!"

Suddenly, I jerked away and kept walking, all but running down the hall.

Kanan shouted after me, calling my name over and over, almost begging me to come back, and I felt torn inside. I wanted to go back and be with her and hold her and listen to her and let her be right, and believe that maybe things would work out on their own, and believe that staying beside him through the rest of the night was the only thing I could do, but I knew better. I knew that I didn't have the faith to withstand a night of watching my friend die, and the only choice left to me was to go out and do whatever was humanly possible to save him myself.

_God…_I thought as I ran from the building_, You've never listened to me in the past, and I've come to believe that you never will. But mark my words—you will not take him away from me._

I wandered out into the dead of night. Not a creature was stirring in the streets of Cheng, and not a star dotted the sky. Everything was black and still. There was a touch of orange on the eastern horizon, where the sun would rise soon. I didn't exactly know where I was going, and I wasn't sure of _why_ either, but a single thought had consumed me, and I was reluctant to push it aside.

I hastened through the streets of Cheng, moving that much more quickly with every passing second. Jing's father had said Gojyo probably wouldn't last the night, and that meant I had very little time to save him. I didn't even know if I _could_ save him.

_I have to try. I won't let you die for nothing._

Still, in these past few months, I'd had more encounters with any mythical items than I'd ever imagined was even possible. Couldn't it be that maybe, just _maybe_, one of the Hallmarks of Discord could be of assistance now? Wasn't it possible that somehow I could use them to save Gojyo's life?

I was banking everything on that. Absolutely everything, because I could not bear the alternative.

Why hadn't I stopped him? I'd seen in his eyes that he meant to surrender to Dasha after Wu gave him that singular ultimatum. I'd seen him glancing at me throughout our conversation, obviously knowing how distraught I would be at Kanan's death, but I hadn't done anything.

What could I have done?

_I could have turned around and slapped him and told him to put such a thing out of his mind. I should have told him that I wouldn't tolerate him sacrificing himself. Not for anything._

There would have been another way to save Kanan. We would have found one.

If only Wu and the others weren't such unfeeling pigs. They hadn't cared to find another way to deal with the problem; they only wanted to protect the dignity of their precious school.

I was sprinting now. I was leaving Cheng behind and racing down the hill to An Jin, not caring if it was nearly four o'clock in the morning, and that I was unarmed. After killing Dasha, I felt as if I had nothing to fear anymore. I had but one goal in mind.

_I just want to see that idiot grin at me like a ten-year-old one last time._

In truth, I wanted so much more than that, but I was afraid to wish for too much. I was afraid that if I did, I'd only be disappointed.

Perhaps I wouldn't have minded if I'd kept him at arm's length like I had everyone else. All my other friends were a safe distance away from my heart. Liling. Quing. Jing-Sheng. Everyone I'd ever considered a friend had always been too far away to matter, because I had known that they couldn't hurt me at such a distance.

_How did you do it, Gojyo? How did you get me to care about you? Effortlessly. Everyone else has failed, and they've put far more work into it than you had to._

'…_you are bound together by the ties of another lifetime…'_

Could it be that there was really something that transcended time and experience that held us together? Why? After six months, why should this matter to me so much when nothing else had touched me in my long, loveless life? Why was Gojyo of all people so unbelievably important? He was nothing but trouble from the first day I met him—he was impertinent and mischievous and disrespectful and frustrating and immature. He'd caused me more heartache than I'd expected to have in my entire lifetime. Why couldn't I accept that he was going to die and let him go?

_Because…Kenren…I couldn't even think of letting you die so easily._

I slid to a stop on the hill, breathing hard and watching as the sun began to appear. An Jin was dark and sleepy.

_Kenren…_

_Who is that?_

I shook the thought away and kept running. I didn't know, and I didn't care. I was just tired and my brain was making up nonsense. I didn't have time to care.

My wounds were hurting now. I was certain my stitches had broken and my stomach was bleeding again, but I hardly considered that either. I had to run. I had to do anything I could possibly think of to save him. I owed him that.

I tripped on my way down the hill and rolled and slid almost all the way to the bottom, and when I got up I was dizzy and dusty and in more pain than ever. I was exhausted from the day's events, and all I wanted was to lie down and sleep the day away, but I knew I had to press on, so I got up and kept running.

An Jin was as quiet as Cheng. For once, I didn't see any prostitutes or drug dealers or thugs lying in wait in the shadows. For once, everything was still as the pale light of morning started to stretch across the windows and rooftops. It was as if Dasha's death had reached the ears of the underworld, and those citizens of the underworld stayed inside, shivering in fear, spellbound by the death of their king, unsure of if they should rejoice or mourn.

They could all burn in hell, as far as I was concerned.

_That idiot can't die on me._

In actuality, he could, and I knew it as well as everyone else did. Gojyo dying wasn't just possible, it was likely, but still, I was unable to accept such a thing. I didn't want to even think of it, let alone give into it, so I'd run as far and as long as I needed to, even if it was only so I could say that I'd done my best to save him. I couldn't even begin to think of going on in this terrible world without him.

Frantically, I searched, all up and down through the streets of the lower districts, all through the slums. I bustled past people, when they did happen to appear, and I gazed into every dark, filthy corner of that forbidden city, hardly aware of what I was looking for, and yet, the longer I searched the more downtrodden my heart began to feel.

_Where_?

The theater. At every second spent in Jin, I was expecting to round the corner and see it there, like a tall, terrible beacon of cruelty and murder, but search as I might, it was nowhere to be found.

My mind raced. I tried to think of where we'd gone, retrace the steps we'd walked, tried to remember which way he'd led me, but I hadn't been paying attention. I hadn't been watching. I didn't know the way back to that place.

_The hallmarks are inside. One of them has to work—something has to do _something_ that can fix this nightmare…_

How could a building that tall and ominous just disappear?

It didn't, of course. An Jin was a city of considerable size, with many streets and a layout like a maze. I'd never noticed before, with Gojyo to guide me through it, but tonight I was seeing how rancid and awful and confusing it honestly was. It was like a catacomb—frosty and dim and full of endless passageways that were impossible to navigate without a local.

So many times…I'd been in this city so many times in the past six months, and I still didn't know my way around? That was unacceptable. That incompetence was going to cost Gojyo his life.

I found my way to his apartment—I _did_ know how to get there—and even though the windows were dark, I thought I might be able to rouse Banri and force him to show me the way to the theater. I spent more than ten minutes beating on the door, kicking it and screaming, pounding until my fists felt as if they were broken, but Banri never came. Some of the lights in the other apartment buildings around me came on, and people shouted and made threats, but Banri didn't come.

Desperately, I turned away and continued searching. I watched for anyone who might be about, thinking I might be able to request that a stranger take me to the theater, but I was totally alone, and no one passed me by.

If I could just find my way to Tai's bar, I might be able to locate the theater—I spent a good half an hour looking for that next, but it was as futile as anything else I'd done so far, and grimly, I had to begin to face the fact that perhaps I was just railing against heaven, angrily, wasting my time in a campaign that I'd already lost, a desperate, painful fight to save my best friend.

_I'm going to lose him…_

Grief struck me like a blow to the head, and I stumbled, could barely stay on my feet.

_I'm going to lose him…_

I fell back heavily against a brick wall, felt its freezing touch through my shirt. I hadn't even thought to bring a jacket.

Despair was beginning to crush me. All around me, the night was pitch black.

I sucked in a ragged sob, then another. Another. I began to cry. I couldn't help it. The despair was too much.

_I'm going to lose him. I really am. I couldn't save him. I tried. I _tried. _I tried. I couldn't. There's just no way now… I'm going to lose him. I'm really going to lose him…_

Giving into the pain and the bleak, I crumbled to the ground, covering my whole head with my arms, pressing my brow to my knees, holding my own body tight, not against cold, but against the great shadow of anguish that had fallen over me.

"Gojyo…" I sobbed. "Gojyo. Gojyo, Gojyo. Gojyo…"

I'd rather die. I'd rather feel the knife in my heart. The bullet in my brain. The poison in my blood. The noose around my neck. The ground rushing up to break my neck. I'd rather let go. I'd rather forget. I'd rather follow him. I'd rather fall asleep right here in this ashen blackness and just never, ever wake up.

_No_. I tried to fight my way back toward the light again. _No. I still have things to live for. This just feels so incredibly painful right now. I can't let go because of this. There is still so much…_

_There is nothing._

_There's Kanan._

_I could still be with Kanan._

_And yet…_

Was I really strong enough to manage this heartache? The man who'd killed Dasha ought to be strong enough to do anything—anything at all—and yet, I felt the disturbing sense that, perhaps, life had already taken too great a toll, and that when this was over, if I survived, I would be an entirely different person.

_It's so sudden to feel such things_. I thought. _So sudden, to wake up and realize someone matters to you the way you do. I always imagined such emotions came slowly, painstakingly, that they might take years to develop, but then, what do I know of such things?_

Clearly, it was not so. Clearly, what I had known to be truth, in my brain, for so long, was entirely false, and now my bleeding, shattered, eviscerated heart, was showing me exactly that. It was showing me that, when the boy I'd met just six months ago passed away, here, tonight, I would feel perhaps the greatest pain I'd ever known, and I might not be able to overcome it.

I thought of the first moment I'd felt anything stir inside me for him, and that was a warm blaze of sunshine in the frostbitten night. A fond memory…

Up until then, there had been some sort of attraction, some kind of gravitation toward him, perhaps caused by that tie of a different life the book had spoken of, but that had been marked, for the most part, by curiosity, and a morbid one at that. When I'd watched him beat the hell out of the drunkard on the first day we met, I'd been fascinated by his unrestrained violence, and the longer I'd been around him on that day, the more my fascination had grown, because his life seemed gritty and dark and exciting. When I'd learned he was a hanyou, my captivation had grown that much more. I'd never met a hanyou, and all that speak of curses had hooked my interest.

So, for some time, that was why I'd gone to see him. Perhaps, secretly, I was always hoping that spending time with him would send me spiraling headlong into his gritty, exciting life, just as it had the day we'd taken the medallion from Wu Manor.

But…the day came inevitably, unexpectedly, and _quickly_, when I realized that he could actually mean something to me.

_I just never thought that something would be all of this._

It was a day in either late September, or early October—after my birthday, in any case—and therefore, just a few short weeks after meeting Gojyo, between our meeting and stealing the Book of the Ancients. We'd been spending almost every day together ever since I came to see him after stealing the Wizard's Medallion, and some strange fondness had been growing steadily inside of me over that time.

It was a beautiful day, unusually warm, with a calm, refreshing breeze, and a brilliantly flawless blue sky, the grass still emerald green, and a comfort inside of me. I'd been waiting for him, and he was late, but I hardly minded, because the air was fresh and the sun was blazing.

When he came to me, marching steadily up the hill to reach me, scarlet hair drifting in lazy tendrils in the wind, I'd seen from a distance that he wasn't full of the same excitement and energy as usual. He'd waved, from far off, but half-heartedly. When he reached my side, I saw that his lip was busted, from some sordid bar fight, according to him. Now I wondered if it wasn't from Dasha or Banri, or Bang or Wang or Hung instead. I wondered now just how much abuse he'd suffered over the last six months without my realizing it.

Either way, he'd grinned at me and told me it wasn't a big deal, and then he ate the food I'd brought him, without complaining for once, and sat in the grass on the hillside with me. On that day he'd seemed mellow and somewhat melancholy, sad almost, and very far away. He'd kept up appearances, smiling and laughing and making jokes, mostly at his own expense, but I'd seen the despair in his eyes.

I'd gathered the guts to ask him what was the matter, and he'd just laughed a little. I remembered how the laugh was cut short though, interrupted by a sharp inhalation of breath, as if it hurt somehow to be even remotely cheerful, and then he'd leaned over, set his arm on my shoulder, like he always did, and smiled contritely, resting his chin on his wrist so that it seemed like the weight of his upper body, from shoulders to head, was all riding on me.

"_Dunno.' Just…lonely, I guess.'_

And when I heard those words, they had incited half a dozen separate emotions deep within me. Confusion, at first, because he wasn't alone—he was with me. And then, commiseration, because I knew how it felt to be alone, even when I was with other people. Curiosity, concerning why, and what sort of lifestyle he lived that could produce such an odd nature of loneliness. Guilt that I couldn't fix such a thing. Jealousy at his emotional honesty. And, finally, a warmth of affection that spread through me without warning, because he was as real as myself, hanyou or not, as vulnerable as I could ever possibly be, as susceptible to human emotion and pain, youthfully candid, and inexplicably desolate. I had felt drawn to his weakness and his sweet nature, as much as I had ever been drawn to his outgoing personality and tireless spirit. I suppose, that day, the full shape of him had finally been realized in my mind, and that was when I'd first felt a tie of friendship toward him. That was when I'd first felt the odd desire to protect him, even though at the time, there hadn't been any need to.

I'd hooked my arm around his neck at the time, tapping his head lightly with my brow, _"Don't be. You're with me, and we're friends. So it's okay."_

I remembered, with a sad smile of my own, how much that had seemed to cheer him. Almost as if it was exactly what he'd been wanting to hear.

Now, if that person I'd met on that day, that isolated, trampled, tireless person went away, if I never saw him with his eyes open again, I didn't think I could bear it. I didn't even want to. Between that day and this, Gojyo had become my best friend, and I wouldn't let him down, because he hadn't let me down, not even when we'd been fighting Dasha in the theater. Not even last night, when it had been his life for my sister's.

Yet, here I was, alone in the dark and the open air, knowing that I already had. He'd given his all to help me, and I had allowed him to fall, and I didn't even have the strength in my arms or in my heart to pick him up again.

Aloud, I choked, "I'm going to lose him. Because I am weak."

_I'll never be able to forgive myself for that._

I don't know how long I sat there, holding myself against the night, sobbing and coughing and choking and cursing and crying. I kept expecting some reprobate to approach me and try to rob me or kill me, and I kept telling myself that when they did, I was going to kill them too, just as I had Dasha. I was going to punish everyone I possibly could in this situation. I was going to make everyone suffer.

Then, when I'd been there an undetermined length of time, I heard a sweet, low voice, just down the street from me, feminine, but also a little bit tired and aged. It seemed to be singing.

I held my breath to suspend the sobs a moment, and listened, but I couldn't make sense of what the voice was saying, and in a few seconds, I lost interest and went back to weeping bitterly. Whoever it was would pass me by without a thought, and if they didn't, I would kill them. It didn't even matter who it was.

"Well, well, my child." The voice whispered, and this time, it seemed familiar.

I threw my arms to the side, lifted my head, quickly, half-intending to spring up and kill whoever it was, but stopped myself.

Ahead of me, in the soft, gray light of very early morning, stood Madame Xioali, holding her cat in her arms, stroking its fur lovingly, and gazing at me with benevolent, curious eyes.

"M-Madame…" I gasped, the breath rumbling and threatening to become another whimper.

"Dear, Cho Hakkai…what are you doing out here in the dark, my child?"

I stared a while longer, and then the words spilled out of me, frantically, "Looking for the theater. The Hallmarks. It's not here. _They're_ not. I don't know where to look. I don't know where to go. He's dying. He's dying, Madame! It's my fault, and I can't help him! Please. Please!" I strained forward to grasp her dress in my hands, "You must help me! Gojyo's dying, and you have to tell me how I can save him!"

Madame Xioali looked back at me steadily, old eyes sparkling, "What makes you think I can help you with that, my dear?"

"I…I don't know…" I relented a bit, feeling slightly foolish. "It's just that…I have no idea what else to do."

"My dear, we all pass on, some day. There are many things in this world to cause the eyes to shut, to cause us all to go into the next one. Perhaps all you can do now is accept that, and hold on very tightly to your dearest memories."

"Never." I snarled, barely restrained myself from shoving her or hitting her, "I cannot accept that. I will not."

For some reason, that brought a smile to her lips, and she murmured, in a low, whispery, sing-song voice, "Such loyalty for the General."

"I beg your pardon?"

She grinned at me, "Nothing. Tell me, what ails your friend?"

"You mean you don't know?"

"I'm afraid not. How could I possibly?"

I found that impossibly unlikely, and inexpressibly frustrating, all but shouted at her, "Because you claim to know all and see all!"

The witch chuckled, and I felt all the angrier, "No need to lose our tempers, darling boy. Come. I will see." She reached out her hand so that it rested just centimeters from my nose, while she closed her eyes and seemed to sink into meditation. "Ah." She murmured when it was over, "A gunshot wound, and a fatal one at that. I'm terribly sorry to hear that—it's a painful end to life, to be sure."

Her clarity seemed to bring my desperation back to life, and I gasped, "Please, ma'am. Is it really the end of his life? Is there nothing I can do to save him? One of the Hallmarks must be able to do something!"

"I'm afraid not, little one. The Hallmarks do not grant life. They take it."

I sat still in the eeriness of those words and tried to process what I was hearing, but it seemed she'd confirmed my greatest fear already.

_I really am going to lose you._

"Madame, please." I whispered, "I must know. Is this what you spoke of that day? The pain and loss you saw in my future? Is this it? I-I'm not really going to lose Gojyo, am I?"

"Tut. No, no, my child, what I saw in your future that day will make this seem trite at best—on that day, when you scream out of despair and anguish, beneath a storm of blood and rain and hate and heartache, you will know it is the day I spoke of. You won't have to run to me to ask. And the loss you suffer on that day, will put all of your previous suffering to quiet shame."

"But…then…Gojyo?"

"I see no death in his future now, Cho Hakkai. I noticed before the absurd length of that one's lifeline, and I feel no need to fear for him at this moment."

Still, the doctors all seemed so certain he would be gone with the morning. Who was I expected to trust? Those men or science, or this strange, bewitching woman who'd emerged out of the night itself.

"Nevertheless, his injury is terrible indeed." She went on gravely. "I fear the future I see now _can _change if you don't act quickly."

"Anything." I said breathlessly, "Anything. I'll do whatever it takes to save him."

"Well then, Cho Hakkai, there's not a moment to lose. You must go back now, and do what you should have done to begin with."

"What? I…I'm afraid I have no idea what you mean. I haven't the slightest idea _what_ to do. The doctors have done their best, and they all seem sure he'll die. Wu offered to pay his medical expenses, but even he doesn't think he's going to make it. I don't see what I can possibly do to save him." Bitterly, I added, "There's nothing a wretch like me can do—the gods torture me with my own helplessness." I smashed my fist down against the pavement.

Madame Xiaoli looked at me, and I could again make out her smile through the shadows, "It's simple enough, my child. It requires no more age or strength or intelligence or heart than you already have. It requires little more than hope, compassion and love."

I waited impatiently as she turned away from me and lifted her hands up. I saw the image of a beautiful young woman appear above our heads; she was fast asleep, but dressed in a fine, long dress. There was a circlet on her brow.

"Have you heard the story of the princess, put under an evil spell, doomed to sleep forever?"

"Of course. It's common enough. What does that have to do with anything?"

"Then you've also heard that she can be awakened by loving kiss of her prince."

Just like that, a handsome young man dressed like a prince entered the flickering image, approaching the princess shamelessly, but with slow reverence.

"Yes, of course."

I watched the prince bow over the young woman's lips and kiss her; her fantastic green eyes flickered and opened, and I thought of Kanan for a moment.

More impatient than ever, I said, "Gojyo's no princess, Madame, I'm not a prince, and I'm certainly not going to kiss him."

The witch lowered her hands, and the image of the happy couple embracing and riding away together, vanished. "Try not to be so two-dimensional, my child. Naturally, that would not be very effective either, I'm afraid, but such a long-lasting tale has its own merits, don't you think?"

"Such as?"

Madame Xiaoli stayed turned away, and the cat crawled up onto her shoulder, licking at its forepaw. She spoke mysteriously, "Perhaps the story of true love conquering even death rests on some truth. It could be that, in such a time as this, when a life is fading and hanging in the balance, the waning souls needs only to be reminded that they are welcome on this earth. Indeed that they are necessary to the happiness of others. Perhaps they need only to be told that they are _wanted_ here."

"Yes, but-"

Gojyo's voice rang in my ears, suddenly, and I wasn't sure how I'd forgotten it. _'…if someone cared about whether or not I'm in this world, maybe I'd feel better about staying…'_

All at once, I cried out, and I was dangerously close to hysterics once more, my heart filled with confusion and chaos. "But I _do_ want Gojyo in this world! How could he possibly believe I'm indifferent to his existence? Haven't I shown him I'm anything _but_ indifferent?"

"Often times, when we are treated one way long enough, Cho Hakkai, it's difficult to believe the first person who comes along claiming to be different."

_It is hard. I can barely believe it myself…_

The realization brought me back to silence.

_If I were in his place, and I were dying…would it really make so much of a difference, knowing someone would care about whether or not I was gone?_

Yes. Yes, of course. I would fight to stay alive.

"Alright." I murmured softly. "Not a kiss then. But what?"

She faced me again to smile once more, "Call him back, Hakkai. Make him hear you."

I stared at her a while before stammering, "Th-that's all? Will that really be enough?"

She didn't answer, and now she was humming again, softly, reaching into the folds of her dress to produce something. She held her hand out, "Well, in case it's not."

Whatever it was, I took it from her and looked it over. It was hard to make out in the dark but it appeared to be an ordinary piece of candy, small and round, and hard, likely a Sakuma Drop. It looked like maybe it was melon flavored, and it made me think of how we'd gone to the candy store together, just a couple of days ago. The memory made me want to start crying again.

With a sigh, I looked up at Madame Xiaoli, "Is a piece of lint-covered candy you had in your pocket really supposed to-"

"Sh!" She put her fingers to my lips, silencing me, "Any good mother will tell her children 'don't accept candy from strangers, but taking sweets from a witch is as good as getting medicine from any doctor.'"

"I've never heard such a proverb." I told her, irritably. I didn't like that she was making light of the danger Gojyo was in, suggesting I kiss him and give him candy, as if he were my girlfriend or something equally absurd.

Madame Xiaoli chuckled, "My dear, my dear, you must learn to have some faith in _something_, don't you think? A life without faith is a life without hope, and hope is the only thing in the world a mortal being has to cleave to. Now, tell me. Isn't there something you believe in? Even just one thing?"

I thought a moment, and I held the fruit drop in my hand, and slowly, it all seemed a little less silly. "There is something." I murmured.

"Ah, that's very good, my dear. So then, stop questioning, and just believe. Your love and your hope and your faith is the only thing that can save Gojyo now."

For some time, I was silent, thinking she might say more, but it was obvious she was done, and then, just as suddenly as she'd come, she was slipping along down the street, fading into the darkness, until her voice as well disappeared.

I stood up and ran back to Cheng.

Almost everyone was gone when I got back to the hospital. A few solitary nurses were stalking through the bleak, empty halls, disappearing at random into rooms, and I snuck past them, carefully, knowing visiting hours were over. I didn't know if I'd be chased out or not, but I hardly cared to risk it.

I made my way back to Gojyo's room and crept in.

The room was silent as the night itself, and it reeked of death. I was afraid to go near the figure on the bed, afraid to find that my greatest fear had come true while I was away.

Kanan was there, much to my surprise. She was sitting up in a chair, head tilted to one side as she slept, a magazine laid daintily across her lap. I wondered at her presence there, unsure of why she'd taken it upon herself to stay with him, and then I remembered, guiltily, how she'd begged me to stay.

When I moved across the room, she stirred, even though I was taking the quietest steps I could possibly manage.

Kanan opened her eyes and looked up at me, blinking slowly, and then rubbing her face, "Hakkai-chan…where have you been?"

I didn't know quite how to explain where I'd gone, so I didn't answer, only moved beside her, to stand over the bed, where Gojyo looked even deader than ever. I saw on the heart monitor that his pulse was slow and weak.

We were there a moment, silent in the darkened room, and then she said, "I wish you'd been here-he was calling for you in his sleep."

"Then, he didn't wake up at all while I was gone?"

"No. But he wanted you, I know that much."

I turned to her, "Why did you stay, Kanan?"

From her expression, I saw that she thought the question odd, "He shouldn't be alone, whether he wakes up or not; why wouldn't I stay?"

Absently, I smoothed the edge of the blankets, and then took a seat there on the bed, studying his face and turning what Madame Xiaoli had said to me over and over in my mind.

Kanan touched me lightly on the arm, "I'm sorry I yelled at you. I'm sure it's very hard…watching this. Watching someone you love die."

I scoffed. "Love… I hardly know… Kanan, do _you _know what love is?"

Kanan hesitated, spoke very thoughtfully, "All I know of love, that is, what I believe of it, is that when you love someone, you want them to be near you, and even more than that, you want what's best for them. I didn't mean for you to think I believe you're lovers….it's obvious you're not. But, I'm not sure I've ever seen anyone care for another person so deeply before. That could just be a testimony of how pathetic my own life has been, I suppose."

I reached to grasp the hand that was sliding over my sleeve, sighed, "Oh, Kanan…I'm sorry it's been that way for you."

"And I for you, Hakkai-chan." She returned, very quietly.

For a brief moment, I held onto her, and then I let go, saying, "Thank-you for staying with him, Kanan—I greatly appreciate that—but now I need to be alone, if you please."

She stood up at once, laying her hand once again on my arm, "Of course. I'll just be waiting in the hall—I doubt I can go home and lie down after all that's happened." She lingered to look down at Gojyo, murmuring, "Don't stay asleep too long, Gojyo-chan." And she touched his face.

A moment later, her hand was gone, the door was shut, and I was alone with him, feeling as if I truly were watching him die, which was a horrible feeling, somewhat like how I imagined it would be to fall into quicksand.

At last, I leaned over him, pushing some hair back from his ear so I could whisper,

"Surely, surely you know you can't do this… You have to think of what it would mean, to leave it all behind this way.

"Believe me, I know how horrible it can be, living in this world, and I certainly wouldn't want to walk very far in your shoes…but…you must also believe that there are _good_ things here too."

The sobbing and the screaming was rising up in me again as I struggled to think of what those good things could possibly be.

"Think. Think, you selfish, little idiot. Think about your brother. Wherever he is, I'm sure _he_ loves you—I'm sure he wouldn't want you to leave this world any more than I do. I'm sure that if he had any idea that this had happened to you, he'd be here in person to tell you so."

Carefully, I watched him, but he still didn't so much as twitch, and now the fear was rising in me as well.

_What if this doesn't work?_

I felt foolish for even believing that it could, because it denied all logic and reason. It didn't make the slightest bit of sense. As if Gojyo could just hear me and come back to life.

"Regrettably, for now at any rate, I'll have to do. Still, as insignificant as I may be, and as brief as our relationship has been, please believe me when I say that I would do anything in my power to keep you from going, endure any agony to spare you such pain…all for the selfish reason that I don't want you to go.

"I don't want you to go.

"I don't want what little we've had to be over so suddenly and so absolutely, and I'm not sure I can live knowing I allowed this to befall you."

Nothing changed though-I didn't think he could even hear what I was saying-and then, slowly, I got out the fruit drop I'd had in my shirt pocket, and it seemed silly again, sitting here, very clearly engulfed in painful reality, to think that candy, whether it was from a witch or not, could do a thing for either of us. Never-the-less, I'd said I'd do anything in my power, and that included this.

Feeling somewhat foolish, I pried his teeth apart and put the fruit drop in his mouth, and then, a second later, had this horrified thought that he'd probably just choke on it and die from that instead, but when I attempted to retrieve it, it was already gone, which mystified me a bit, since I didn't quite know what level of consciousness one had to retain in order to cognitively swallow an object. I suppose, I was lucky it wasn't very large. At least Madame hadn't handed me a rice ball she'd made five days ago.

My bewilderment passed momentarily, and I watched him intently for any sign that he was even vaguely aware of me, or the fruit drop he'd swallowed, or even just the world around him. Even just his own existence. But he laid just as still as ever.

Deep inside, I felt my despair beginning to overwhelm me.

Not knowing what more I could do now, I fell over him and kissed his face, and then I pressed my forehead into his damp shoulder, where I could smell blood and sweat, rain and tobacco. There was a great upheaval deep within my spirit, and my body shuddered, and the tears burned my eyes again. My voice was rough like sand, and my hands were trembling as I held onto him. "Please…Gojyo… Don't go. Please come back."

And then my exhaustion and my weakness overtook me, and I wept.


	18. Chapter 18

**XVIII**

Come back down  
Save yourself  
I can't find my way to you  
And I can't bear to face the

**Truth**

* * *

**Gojyo**

I was lying on the shore of my own mind, I guess—everything around me was gray and pale and cold and shapeless, like an endless beach to an infinite ocean I'd never seen. Everything was totally silent—I couldn't even hear myself breathing—except for this dull ring that ranged in pitch, sometimes low and tolerable, sometimes painfully high, mixed with this monotonous, rhythmic beeping. The sounds never stopped; I thought they probably would have driven me absolutely crazy if I were still alive. Beyond them, I was barely aware of a voice, fluttering just outside my ear, and as close as it sounded, it seemed really far away. I tried to call back, but I couldn't seem to speak at all. I had no idea where I was, and I couldn't remember what happened to me, but I knew I was dead. How did that happen? Was it my mother, years ago? Or was it…  
_Dasha._

Panic. Just like that, it flooded through me, drowning me like I'd been buried under a pile of sand.

Now I could remember confronting Dasha and the way he'd shot me—I hadn't been expecting him to do that—I don't know why he decided to kill me, but I guess he thought torturing me wasn't worth it, or something.

Then Hakkai came. I could still remember his face, lingering above me, in the darkness, saying my name, whispering something. I could feel his touch. Maybe I should have been glad that there was some comfort at the end of my life, even if it was only a little, but I didn't feel relieved. I felt scared and horrified. I wanted to scream at him to run away, because with me down for the count, no one was going to stand in Dasha's way of killing him. I'd done the only thing I'd thought I could do to save him, and now he was in harm's way. It was so fucked up. No matter what I did, I couldn't help him.

'.._You can't even take care of yourself, let alone successfully interfere in the problems of others…'_

That was so true. Now everything I'd done for my own selfish gain was going to get Hakkai killed, and probably Kanan too, and I couldn't even scream for them to forget me and run.

In the void, I tried to shift, but my body wouldn't move, and I felt nothing but cold and numbness, like I'd been drenched in a sea of ice water and left on a shore covered in snow. When I looked up, there was the sidewalk-colored sky, cloudless and unmoving. No matter how hard I tried to make my arms move, to get onto my feet, I couldn't. It was like I'd lost all control of my body. Not that it mattered. I had nowhere to go. What was I supposed to do? Walk off into the stretching, gray distance? Everything looked so alike to me, I had no idea which direction was up and which was the horizon.

Maybe…I didn't want to get up this time anyway. What was the point? What good was I when I couldn't even protect the people I cared about?

_Tai's dead. Hakkai is next. It's all because of me._

If I could warn him somehow and tell him to get away, it might be worth it, but even now, I was completely useless.

I was dying. Dasha was going to sacrifice Hakkai. And I wasn't even going to get to see Jien one last time.

_Guess I lost._

Losing had been the risk from the very beginning I guess, and I had known that. I had known losing was possible, and that sometimes you get a hand you just can't win with. I had thought that I understood how high the stakes were, but Dasha had raised them way too high today when he tried to kill Hakkai. I really hadn't ever thought he would bring Hakkai into this mess.

_Wish I could say I'm sorry…_

It was too late for that now.

Still, I almost felt like I could see him, hovering over me with a sullen, gray void behind him, his mouth moving soundlessly as he said goodbye for the final time, not just to me, but to all the good times we'd had, and all the experiences we could have lived if it weren't for Dasha and his errands and my stupidity.

_No more blue skies for us…no more green hills._

And absolutely no chance to make up for it.

I stared at him, stupidly, his eyes like two dark pits in his head, blood splashed across his pale, colorless face, and he looked a little bit like a ghost to me, but not a scary ghost. A friendly ghost. I got the weirdest feeling of comfort from having him beside me. There was his hand on my cheek, like a burning coal against my freezing skin and the light sensation of his fingers easing over my knuckles. It was such a realistic memory, I almost thought I could smell him—tea and laundry detergent and herbs, mixing with the scent of old blood—and I could barely make out the soft touch of his voice shuddering in the void, fading in and out, sometimes blocked completely by the never-ending, painful ring that swelled around me, but it never stopped.

Slowly, I became aware that I could feel other things too, the numbness disappearing and sensation kicking in. Like somebody had dragged my ass out of a blizzard and laid me down next to a fireplace.

It was…nice… Nice to feel things again. I started to smile.

Cut myself short as the pain began to spread. It felt like it was growing out of my stomach, a seed that had been planted there, and now it was winding up over my torso, wrapping its vines around my neck and my arms, all the way to the tips of my fingers, and down my legs to my feet. My head was pounding, maybe the worst headache I'd ever had; suddenly I realized that the constant ring I'd been hearing was probably in my own head, not a real sound at all.

Wait a minute though…

If I was feeling pain, that meant I was still alive after all, and that meant I still had the chance to fix everything I'd screwed up. It might be really hard, or it might hurt a lot, but I had to try. I had to force myself to get up and keep fighting, even if it was only to save Hakkai.

With a sharp breath, I sat up, starting to scream, telling Hakkai to get out of here while he still could. My throat was dry and clotted with blood. I choked immediately and started coughing, more pain hammering through my ribs and chest. My vision was tilting out of control, much worse than what it was like when I got drunk, and my head was spinning like crazy. Wildly, I grabbed at the world around me, looking for anything that could keep me from falling down or floating away. I fisted my hands against the ground, expecting to get handfuls of sand, wound up with bunches of sheets and blankets instead.

"Wh-?"

"Gojyo!" Hakkai put his hands on my shoulders.

Still coughing, I shivered and stared around. The void was starting to take shape now. I saw walls, a ceiling, a really small square of pure white that must have been a window, a dark, rectangular door. Everything was gray, so it must have been early morning. The room wasn't familiar—I had no idea where I was.

That realization alone was enough to scare me, and adding it to the memories I had of the last couple of days, increased my fear. I was terrified.

Out of reaction, I found myself clenching his wrist, fighting to breathe, even when my lungs felt like they were full of fluid. The pain in my stomach was almost unbearable now, an icy spike of torn flesh, and I looked down suddenly, thinking I'd see a full-tang katana sticking straight through me.

Nope. Just me, wrapped in crisp white bandages with smudges of blood starting to soak through.

"You're okay." Hakkai was saying, but it seemed like he was talking more to himself than to me, and his grip on me was really tight. "Everything's going to be all right, I promise, so just relax."

"H-k…"

I took one ridiculously deep breath, ignoring the little needles that jabbed my diaphragm when I inhaled, and finally stopped coughing. I lifted my gaze to stare at him; he was wide-eyed, scared and relieved, unsure and reassuring at the same time. He gave me a weak-ass, shitty smile that made me think that all he wanted was just to heave all over the bedding.

Either way, it was him though. At least he was alive—he was okay—I didn't care about anything else in the whole fucking world.

"H-Hakkai…"

Suddenly, his arms came around me, fitting around my back and pulling me closer to him, so tightly it hurt a little, but I didn't mind. I practically fell into him, forehead on his shoulder, nose pressed to his shirt, where the scent of laundry and blood was stronger than ever. I hugged him back, feebly, my hands trembling and aching. "You're okay…" I muttered.

"I'm fine. Hardly a scratch on me." One of his hands slid up to my neck and rested there a while. I closed my eyes. "More importantly, how do _you_ feel?"

"Like shit." I sputtered.

"I'm so sorry to hear that…."

His voice… There was something weird about it. It was like he really wanted to jump up and start screaming, or maybe just break down and start crying, but he was forcing himself to talk normal and act like this was no big deal. Weird. I wondered how close I'd come to actually dying.

That thought scared me even more, like death was going to sneak up on me and drag me away anyway, and I held onto him tighter.

Hakkai rested his head against mine, "Do you remember what happened, Gojyo?"

"Little…"

There was the loud bang of a gunshot still echoing in my mind, and the pain made it easy enough to remember. I shuddered.

"Asshole shot me."

"Yes. He did his best to kill you."

From the feel of things, it almost worked.

I pulled away from him, starting to panic. "Where is he? That asshole…? Did he…?"

All I could think was that he was going to come through that door all the sudden. He was going to drag us both out of here, shoot me again, hack Hakkai to pieces with the Ruby Dagger, rip my eyes out, torture me to death, kill us both, become immortal, fuck the world up like he had An Jin.

"Shit, dude. We gotta'…we gotta' get outta' here. That dick's gonna' be so mad about all this, I doubt we'd even be able to hide in _Cheng._" I shoved the blankets off and started to climb out of bed, pain or no pain, "We gotta' run. Right now! If he catches us we'll-"

"Gojyo." Hakkai's voice was twice as firm as the grip he had on my arm, "Stop it. Lie back down."

Obviously he still didn't get it, even after everything he'd seen today…yesterday…whenever it was. I ignored him and started to stand.

Someone might as well have impaled me with a blunt, iron pipe. It hurt so much, I stumbled back, clutching my stomach and biting back a scream. I didn't have time to be weak. I couldn't afford to let my discomfort get the best of me. For Hakkai's sake, I had to-

"Lie _down_." He repeated, with even more authority than before, and suddenly he was standing over me, pushing me back down into the pillow, gently, pulling the blankets back over my stomach.

For a long time, I laid perfectly still, breathing hard, waiting for the pain and the dizziness to subside, and then I looked up at him, weakly, knowing there was no way to save myself anymore. "Hakkai…forget me, okay? Just get outta' here while you can."

"Now, now. That's not necessary, I assure you." He sounded nice now. Really, freaking nice. He was always so nice to me when he didn't have to be. Something about the tone of his voice brought the word 'maternal' to mind. But I wasn't sure that made any sense… I didn't know how moms were supposed to sound anyway. I was probably just delirious.

"Yeah, but Dasha-"

"You don't need to worry about Dasha anymore, Gojyo." He sat down on the edge of the bed again.

"Wait a minute. You don't actually think he's gone, do you? This's just a setback to that creep—he'll come back and-"

"He's not coming back this time."

"Don't count on it, man. I'm telling you, that guy never quits. Once he wants you dead, there's nowhere you can go to get away from him."  
"Not this time, Gojyo. Dasha's dead."

Those words seemed to linger in the air for a long time after he said them, and I went back to lying perfectly still, trying to make sense of what I'd just heard. I felt like hours must have passed with me lying there, convincing myself I had to have heard him wrong, but the light in the room didn't change, so it was probably just a few seconds.

_Dasha's dead…?_

"Do you feel okay?" Hakkai asked eventually.

"I…thought you just said Dasha's dead."

"I did. He is."

"How?"  
"I'd advise you not to concern yourself with that at the moment. You lost a lot of blood, and it's best if you try to get some rest now, I think."

"But I…" I stopped myself short and stared at him a moment, "Hakkai."

"What is it?"

"You're covered in blood."

Hakkai looked down at himself, as if that hadn't occurred to him in a long, long time. "Oh. Yes. I see." He brushed his shirt off, but there was no way he was getting those stains out. "I had quite forgotten that, hadn't I?"

"Dude…" I strained forward just a little, just to the point where the sting in my stomach barely started, "What happened?"

Hakkai was still staring down at his shirt, frowning, "Well, he made me very angry, you see. Doing nothing was completely out of the question."

"What're you saying? There's no way… _You_ killed Dasha?"

"I suppose the majority of the responsibility for his death must be attributed to me, although, I certainly couldn't have done it without some assistance."

I just gaped at him.

"What's the matter?"  
"Nothing. I just always thought…" I didn't want to admit out loud that I'd kind of figured Dasha was already immortal, so instead I said, "I always thought whoever killed Dasha would have to be a serious bad ass."

"Hm. I suppose not. Killing him wasn't anywhere as difficult as one might expect."

That's what was so crazy about him killing Dasha. I mean, logically, I could say to myself that there was no way Hakkai had killed Dasha, that maybe he was saying it just to impress me, or comfort me maybe. He said he didn't do it by himself, so I could assume Gen-Tang or somebody like that had done most of the fighting and Hakkai had gotten roped into it, somehow wound up delivering the final blow. That was believable.

But I knew better. Somehow, looking into his eyes, I could see the truth, just like I could hear it; Hakkai did kill Dasha, and he did it all by himself. This human kid had killed Dasha himself, without even getting seriously injured. What the hell did that mean?

"How did you do that?" I whispered.

"Oh, don't let's bother with the messy details. I'd rather put them out of my mind, if I can, and you need to rest."

I did feel ridiculously tired now that he mentioned it. I decided to drop it, for now, closed my eyes for a second.

Hakkai leaned over me to murmur in my ear, "I'm happy you're alive, Gojyo."

I started to tell him 'me too', but the words never made it out of my mouth.

When I opened my eyes again, the sunlight was bright, but sort of orange colored, like I'd skipped morning and gone straight to the afternoon. Outside, the sky was bright blue and cloudless. I felt hot and kind of shaky, and it took me a second to realize I must have fallen asleep again. Being awake at all was a fuzzy memory, and I wasn't sure my conversation with Hakkai was real.

He was still there, sitting in a chair beside me, reading; at first I thought he'd probably been there the whole time, but then I noticed he was looking a little better put together than before, with all the blood off of his hair and skin, wearing a crisp, white dress shirt, and he had a few bandages on his face and arms, so maybe he'd gone up to his dorm to shower and change and have his own wounds dressed.

I watched him a while, not saying anything, wondering how this book nerd had actually managed to kill Dasha. Being angry just didn't seem like enough.

After a moment, he closed his book and turned to me. "Good morning. How do you feel? You've slept the entire day away."

"I dunno'. I'm okay, I guess." I twisted a little, noticing that the pain in my stomach wasn't as bad as before.

"Well, I think the doctors have you doped up on morphine or something of the like, so I don't expect you to be in much pain."

Slowly, I blinked at him. "Right."

"Ah, and before I forget. Mr. Wu has taken it upon himself to pay all your medical expenses, so you needn't worry about that. Just focus on recovering."

"Wu's paying for all this…?" I glanced around at all the machinery and medical crap that was cluttering the room. "Wait. Then. We're not at your school, huh?"

"No, Gojyo." His voice was extra soft, "You're in the intensive care unit at Cheng General Hospital."

The hospital? Just the word freaked me out, and I wasn't sure how to react at first. I'd never been in a real hospital before. Whenever I got hurt, I just had to deal with it myself, or, if it was really bad, drag my ass to some sleazy blade working out of his house. Since coming to An Jin, Tai had treated my wounds a lot of the time. I remembered she was dead now, and thought, sadly, that those days were over.

Still, being in a real hospital sort of freaked me out. I glanced around the room, half-expecting some team of doctors to charge in and start doing all kinds of examinations and tests and whatever else it was doctors did.

Jien went to the doctor sometimes, when we were kids. He always came back with suckers and cool band-aids. But he always bitched about getting shots, and having shit stuck in his mouth and ears and whatever. He made it sound like getting free candy wasn't exactly worth it. Neither of us had ever been in the hospital.

One time, I probably should have gone. She really beat the hell out of me that day. I remembered I couldn't get out of bed for like a week after that. I remembered Jien being really worried. I remembered him trying to get a doctor for me, and not being able to.

_What a messed up day…_

Now, here I was, and I didn't know what the hell to expect.

Hakkai was the only thing that seemed normal, or even _real_ in a way, at the moment, so I focused on him.

"ICU?" I croaked. "Issit really that bad?"

He blinked at me like I was out of my mind, asking a question like that. "He shot you in the stomach, you know. The doctors had to work very hard to save you, and even then…" He trailed away, finished under his breath, "It almost wasn't enough."

I closed my eyes again, reliving the moment I got shot, the shock and the pain and the regret. I had been expecting to die out there, away from everything I even remotely cared about, but as much as I'd regretted what was happening to me, I had known that it was way better than the alternative. Still…I had honestly been a little bit scared by the time Hakkai got to me, and I knew now how lucky I was that he'd stuck by me all this time.

"Hey, 'Kai…I'm really sorry I got you into all this trouble. I'm sorry I got Kanan involved too…"

"Please. There's no need to apologize, I'm sure. After all we went through, it's good enough for me just knowing you're alive and you're safe."

I sighed, "You're too nice to me, dude."

I felt his hand on my arm, "No, Gojyo, I'm not. You mean much more to me than I ever expected you to, and I wouldn't take back these past six months for anything, even if that meant I could erase all the terrible things that have happened in the last couple of days."

"No way. Just for me?" I joked weakly.

He wasn't joking at all when he answered. "For you. Yes."

I opened my eyes again to look at him. Some idiotic part of me expected to find him laughing at me, fucking with me, but his face was totally serious, his expression earnest. It made some of the chaos inside of me quiet down a little, and then I felt a little less afraid, and a little less nervous, and strangely safe. I felt like I could say anything . I felt like it wasn't a big deal to be weak and bed-ridden and horribly injured, and that was new.

"Then…me neither. I wouldn't take it back either, even if it means I had to get shot. I wish I could get Tai back though. I really…_really_ hate that I got her-"

"Sh." Hakkai held a finger up to his lips, "Not another word. Dasha killed Tai, because he was a perverted sociopath; as we already discussed, it was not your fault, and you're in too fragile a state to start blaming yourself for that tragedy."

"Yeah. I guess you're right."

"Of course I am."

We were both quiet for a long time, and Hakkai stayed beside me as I slipped in and out of consciousness. Every now and then, I'd come to and mumble something at him, but I think a lot of what I was saying must not have made much sense, since he usually just asked if I needed anything and then told me to go back to sleep. Sometimes, I'd wake up and other people would be in the room—Dr. Yinfu from Cheng University, or Kanan, or some other doctor I didn't know. They mostly just talked to Hakkai though, and by the time I passed out and woke up again, they were gone. Sometimes I felt like they were all just ghosts, drifting in and out of reality.

Once, I came to and Hakkai wasn't there at all. It bothered me a lot, being there by myself, and I laid awake a long time, hardly even breathing, listening really carefully for the sound of him coming down the hall, but he didn't come, and I tried to calm down. I didn't have the energy to panic over it, and the room was pretty dark, so I figured he went back to his dorm for the night, and he'd come back at some point. Hopefully. Eventually I fell asleep again, and the next time I woke up, the room was still dark, with just the beside lamp on, and he was there, sitting in his chair with a different book, looking collected and unbothered. It was good to see him. It was good to feel security for a change.

"I'm glad you're here." I muttered. It was probably the most coherent thing I'd said in a while, because he didn't raise his eyebrow at me or tell me to hush.

"I'm sorry I left. I was forced to go home for a bit. Not by my own will, I assure you."

That was weird. I was too tired and delirious to understand what he meant at the time.

"I'm just glad you came back."

"Yes. Well, someone has to look after you. Why not me?"

I laughed a little, but that hurt, so I stopped.

After a moment of silence, I ran my hand over the wound in my stomach, felt a shudder trembling deep inside me. "I thought I was gonna' die…"

He didn't answer right away, but he frowned. At last, he just said, "Fortunately, it seems you'll be okay. The doctors tell me they intend to move you out of intensive care in a couple of days, so I suppose that means you're out of danger, for the most part."

"That's good." I coughed.

"Good? It's nearly a miracle—the type of injury you had, the amount of blood you lost…" he stopped himself suddenly, probably just because he didn't want to upset me or something minor like that. He smiled, but it looked a little bit fake, "Let's just say, the doctors weren't exactly expecting you to pull through."

Of course not. I doubted any of the assholes around this place would have any kind of faith in me. Maybe it should have scared me that I'd come so close to dying, but I didn't want to think about it. I wanted to brush it off and act like it was nothing. "What can I say? I'm tough."

"Tougher than you look, at the very least."

"Hey, I could say the same about _you_, sunshine."

For some reason, I got the feeling that bothered him, and he turned away to look out the window, even though there wasn't much to see in the night. "Yes…I suppose you have a valid point."

I hesitated a while, thinking he might say something else, then I asked, "When do I get to go home?"

"I wouldn't expect that for a while longer, if I were you; a gunshot wound is no laughing matter."

"What about you, Hakkai? Have you been skipping class to come hang out with me?" As soon as I said it, I realized I didn't know how many days I'd been here. It only felt like a couple, but if they were talking about moving me out of ICU it could have been weeks, for all I knew.

"For six months or so, yes. You've never been much concerned about it before, so don't act as if it matters to you now just because you're injured."

"Yeah, well, still. You can't sit here with me every day."

"I've been given some time off due to the traumatic circumstances I've had to endure, so I'll be excused from my classes for a week or two."  
"Won't that keep you in school longer?"

Hakkai sighed, "Honestly, Gojyo, I wish you wouldn't waste your energy worrying about it. I'm an excellent student with the admiration of all of my professors, most of my peers, I have straight A's, and before I met you, my attendance record was perfect. If I do a bit of independent study in my free time, I highly doubt my graduation will be even remotely delayed. If nothing else, I can take summer classes to make up for lost time."

I wrinkled my nose a little. "If you say so."

"Yes. I'm a bit smarter than you give me credit for." He said, almost snobbishly.

I didn't think he needed to say that. Then again, he probably had no idea just how smart I thought he was. "It's not that. I just feel shitty about all of this."

"I insist that it's not something for you to feel guilty over."

"I-"

Hakkai looked at me, almost sharply, "You were shot. I'm not going back to class and sitting through lectures every day when I know you're here, in pain, alone, and frankly, I don't care what you think of my decision."

Could I even tell him how much I loved that decision? I didn't really want him to know how nervous it made me to be in the hospital. I tried to smile at him.

He smiled back, "Everything's okay."

He said it like it was really true, so I guess I needed to try to believe that. I laid back and closed my eyes and tried to go back to sleep. The bed was comfy, but the room smelled weird, and there was the constant, weird buzzing and beeping of machines. It bothered me, being hooked up to machines. It bothered me having a little needle jammed into the back of my hand. I wondered what was in the little baggy the tube in my hand was connected to. I wondered what happened to my clothes—last I checked, I was wearing some really hideous, humiliating, hospital pajamas. Someone stripped me in my sleep and stuffed me into strange pajamas that didn't belong to me. It was all freaking me out, just a little. I wondered if my stomach was still bleeding. Was I really in the clear, or was Hakkai playing it down so I wouldn't worry? Maybe there was still some chance I was going to bleed to death. It would be nice to have a cigarette, and then I could stay calm and not worry about all this stupid shit.

"I've never been in the hospital before." I said after a while.

"That's very fortunate."

"I think so too. This place is weird."

"I meant more along the lines that it's good that you've never been sick or injured badly enough to be hospitalized, but I suppose it's rather an odd place…"

"It smells like medicine."

"It does, doesn't it?"

"D'ya' think I hafta' get shots?"

"I have no idea. Haven't you ever had a shot before?"

"I dunno'. Maybe when I was really little. Do they hurt?"

Hakkai laughed at me, so I glared.

"What?"

"It's just strange, is all."

"Why's that strange? My brother told me they hurt."

"Not _that_ bad. They aren't something to be afraid of."

"I'm not _scared_, I'm just curious."

"Oh, no, of course not." His voice was borderline teasing, "I wouldn't think you were."

"Good, 'cause I'm not. What about my nurse? Is she hot? Do I even have a nurse?"

"Of course there's a nurse somewhere. I believe she's about forty-five and likely has some children, and if I may say so, that's far too old, even for you."

"You're right." I shifted. It would be really nice to lie on my side for a while, but even just twisting a little was painful. "My friggin' stomach hurts. What happened to the pain killers?"

He pointed to the baggy hanging by the edge of the bed.

"That's what that is?"

"What did you think it was?"

"Heroin, or somethin'."

"Oh, honestly. This is a legitimate hospital, you know, with honest doctors and legal equipment."

"I dunno', I don't trust any of it. These quacks could probably-Wait a minute, did you tell me Wu is paying for me to be here?"

"Ah. I did, yes."

So I didn't dream that up. The last time he said it, I just sort of accepted it, because I was tired and confused, but now it bothered me a little, and I sat up on my elbows, to look around the room again.

"Is something wrong?" Hakkai asked.

"Why is he doing that?"

"Paying for it?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"I don't know. Someone has to. _You_ can't, can you?"

I shook my head, "Not if I pawned my whole apartment."

"Well then, that's why." He said, way too dismissively.

But I couldn't just brush it off like he was. Maybe because I wasn't used to people helping me out of the goodness of their heart, or maybe because I didn't want to owe that rich jerk anything, but I felt like there was another reason I should be taking it seriously. Something really important.

Hakkai watched me a while before saying, "I get the feeling that doesn't exactly sit well with you."

"No…"

"I can't say that's a surprise, seeing how you won't even let me buy your food without throwing a tantrum, but I'll ask anyway: why?"

"You…don't actually think he's doing it just to be a nice guy, do you?"

"Hm. That's an interesting question. No. I don't think he's doing it just to be 'a nice guy', I think it's more than likely because he knows it's impossible for you to pay for it, you have no one who can be responsible for the bill in your place, and since you were injured on school property, Cheng University is deeply involved in the incident. If the bill is not paid for, it could reflect poorly on the school, and he wants to avoid bad publicity."

"Publicity?"

"In other words, he doesn't want the general public to hear about the incident and say to themselves that Cheng should have done its part to help you. He wants the people to say 'Oh, the chairman of Cheng University helped that poor boy when he didn't have to. He must run a very fine school; I think I'll send my daughter there when she grows up'."

"Yeah, but the city could probably just pay for it, couldn't they? Cheng's got programs and shit for things like this, doesn't it? An Jin does."

"Well perhaps. Keep in mind though, if the authorities got involved in this case, you would likely end up in either an orphanage or a foster home."

I shuddered at those words.

He added, "Which, I insist, would not be the worst thing in the world for you, but I know you don't agree."

I didn't agree at all, and I didn't want to think about it, so I tried to move on. "Either way, Wu wouldn't have to pay for it; I don't believe for a second he cares where I go when this is over. And if that's really supposed to be 'the best thing for me', wouldn't he _want_ that? Why wouldn't he?"

"I don't think he necessarily _doesn't _want you to."

"Exactly. So that means he doesn't give a shit either way, which means he must have some other reason for helping me."

Hakkai frowned slightly, "Gojyo, it's a matter of publicity, that's all. Be thankful Wu chose to intervene at all and don't worry about the why so much. The fact of the matter is, you would have died without his help."

"It just seems weird."

"I'm sure it feels quite unusual, to you. However, unusual does not necessarily mandate an element of danger, so whatever Wu's motives might be, I doubt it's anything sinister enough to merit such unwarranted suspicion."

"So, you really think that ass just wants to help me? For publicity, or whatever."

"Yes. That's what I think."

"Then-"

"Gojyo." Hakkai interrupted kindly, and he leaned forward to set his hand on my shoulder, "Do you trust me?"

_More than anyone…_ I thought, but I just snorted, "Well, yeah, Hakkai, but it ain't _you_ who's paying the medical bills for all this."

"True enough. But I am the one who's telling you not to worry about it. Is it really so hard to believe I know what I'm talking about?"

I had to admit, he always seemed to know what he was talking about, and if I had just listened to him in the past, maybe I wouldn't be here in the first place. Maybe Tai wouldn't be dead. Maybe I'd better just listen to him now.

Finally, I pushed my misgivings away and nodded, "All right, man. If you really think it's okay…"

"I think it's fine—nothing for you to worry about in any case—so I suggest you relax."

He sounded really sure, so I dropped it and added it to the list of things I need to try not to worry about it.

It felt like I was in the hospital forever. After a couple more days, they moved me out of ICU into a room with two beds, a bigger window, and a tv, and after that, time seemed to drag by as slowly as possible. At first, I slept a lot, and when I was awake, Hakkai was there, but when I started feeling better I didn't sleep so much, and Hakkai started visiting for a couple hours at a time, maybe played some cards with me, or brought me some food, and then went home. It sucked, but I didn't blame him, since the hospital was unbelievably boring. I laid around and did nothing and wished I could go back to An Jin to see what it was like without Dasha running the show.

Besides that, I didn't have any cigarettes, and I wasn't supposed to be smoking, so I started going through some pretty mean nicky fits before I finally begged Hakkai to bring me a few packs of smokes. He wasn't exactly thrilled, and at first he just refused, but eventually gave in.

I didn't actually think he'd do it. I had almost given up on even asking when he walked in one day, pulled a couple packs of Hi-Lites out of his coat, and shoved them at me, with a semi-annoyed, "Here."

"No way. You didn't. I can't believe it…"

"Believe it. And you had better not get caught smoking in here, because I don't want anyone to know I was a party to such irresponsible behavior."

"You even got the right brand."

"Keep in mind, I only did it so you'd stop sulking."

I was too overwhelmed by gratitude to hear what he was saying, jerked him into a tight hug, "Dude! You're the best!"

That seemed to lighten him up a little; he let me hang on to him for a few more moments, even hugged me back for a second before pulling away." Yes, yes, I know. Just don't get me in trouble over it."

I swore I wouldn't, and then I would smoke sometimes, right after the nurse left, when I knew she wasn't coming back for a long time. After a little bit, I was even able to get up out of bed, walk, painfully, to the window, open it, and smoke. Once, I got caught doing that, but the doctor and the nurses were so upset by the fact that I was on my feet, they didn't even notice the smell of smoke in the room, just rushed me back to bed like a naughty, little boy up after bed-time.

Damn, I hated being in the hospital. I didn't like anything about it. Bedpans, not being allowed to get up, having some guy with cold hands redress my wounds every day, snooty, un-hot nurses hovering around all the time. The whole thing sucked, and, for some reason, they wouldn't discharge me, even after I started to feel like I should be well enough to go home, and then I got frustrated, and I couldn't help being an ass to the doctor, demanding over and over, day after day, why the stupid hospital wouldn't let me go, but he acted like he didn't have to answer me. I didn't know if that was because I was a hanyou, or a kid.

After a couple days of that, I started plotting to escape. Well, it wasn't exactly a plot, I guess, I just decided that the next time I felt like it, I'd get up, rip off a pair of shoes somewhere, and walk right out of the hospital. By the time they noticed I was gone, I'd probably be back in An Jin.

It didn't sound too hard, and after a few hours of thinking it over, I threw off the blankets and headed for the door, pulled it open just a crack to check the hallway a few times before leaving.

The place was a maze. Everything was white, and the hall was just rows and rows of blank doors. The floor was cold, but I didn't see anything that looked like a closet for shoes, so I just ignored it. After I'd been walking a few minutes, my wound started to throb, and I paused to lift my shirt, but I didn't see any blood, so I kept going.

Every now and then, I'd pass another patient being escorted by a nurse. Sometimes they looked at me weird. Once, a nurse even asked me what I was doing, but I just kept going. By the time anyone figured it out, they'd be too late.

At least I hoped so. I was having a hard time finding the door. I knew I was on a higher floor—maybe four or five stories up—so I had to go down before I could get out. Unless I could find a window near a tree and just jump out.

So far I hadn't seen any windows at all, and now I was starting to get frustrated. I had to get out of this place. I couldn't stay anymore. Why were they so hell-bent on keeping me anyway?

Behind me, a couple voice started shouting, "Hey! Hey, what do you think you're doing up?"

I glanced back, nonchalantly, hoping they were yelling at some other disobedient punk who was trying to check out early.

Three nurses were storming toward me, determined, angry looks on their faces, shoes clopping on the cold, hard floor, and I recognized all of them. The one out in front was the forty-five-year-old Mom who'd been wiping my ass for the last three weeks; she was kinda' a big lady, about as tall as me, but like three times as heavy, and I got the feeling she could maul a bear, if it got near her babies, so I definitely didn't want to deal with her.

I slipped around the next corner, running headlong into someone else.

A spike of pain jolted through my core, and I stumbled back, clutching my wound, "Owe! Watch where you're goin', ass-wipe-"

Jing-Sheng's dad was glaring down at me with this super disapproving, annoyed, 'why me' kind of look.

"Oh. Hey, Doc…"

I realized Hakkai and Kanan were standing there next to him, both looking shocked to see me.

"Gojyo?!" Hakkai squawked. "What are you doing?"

"Umm. I'm just… Nothin'."

"Honestly." Jing-Sheng's dad snorted, "This again?"

"Again? This's the first time I've left my room."

"Yes, but you keep getting _up._ What do you want us to do? Strap you to the bed?"

"Err…" I took a step back, only to find the nurses blocking the way behind me.

Hakkai sounded horrified and angry, "You're not supposed to be getting up!"

"Yeah, but I'm totally feeling better now, so I just thought I'd head on home."

Even while I was talking, the doctor grabbed me by the arm and started to usher me back the way I'd come, the head nurse walking on the other side of me, hand on my shoulder. My room wasn't very far away, and I realized I'd probably been wandering in a circle, or that I'd gotten turned around somehow.

"This is unacceptable." The doctor stood at the foot of the bed, lecturing me, while the nurses made me lie down and more or less tucked me in, and my face started to burn with the humiliation. "You have a very serious wound."

"I feel a lot better." I grumbled.

"You have no idea what you're talking about, because _feeling_ better, and actually _being_ better are two very different things, and if you walked all the way back to An Jin in your current condition, I guarantee you'd pop your stitches open and bleed to death by the end of the night. Personally, I don't care what you do, but you're under my charge as long as you're here, and as a doctor, I can't just let my patients go wandering away, no matter how I feel about them, so stop this nonsense, immediately, or I really _will_ tie you down."

Before I could shoot anything back at him, he turned away and marched out of the room, muttering, "Bloody, ignorant, stupid, little brat."

"Come back and say that to my face, you dick."

He ignored me, and I sat back against the pillows, folding my arms and glaring down at my stupid hospital pajamas.

The nurse smoothed my blankets, straightened my shirt, and said, "I'll bring you some tea." And then she left too.

"I don't want any fuckin' tea." I growled, but she was already gone.

That just left Hakkai and Kanan, standing there by the bed, side-by-side, watching me.

"What?" I demanded, and right then, I wasn't sure I wanted to see even them.

"The doctor's right, you know, Gojyo. You might feel better, but you're a far cry from being fully healed."

"Save it for later, okay, Hakkai?"

"I think not. Your irresponsibility has reached a new level this afternoon, and I refuse to ignore it. Just what were you thinking anyway? Did you really intend to just stroll out of here and go all the way back to An Jin without even a pair of shoes?"

"I was gonna' get some shoes."  
"The _shoes_ aren't the issue. Walking back to An Jin is the part that concerns me the most. Don't you have any idea how stupid that would be?"

I snapped at him, "If one more person calls me stupid today, I'm gonna' knock some teeth out."

Hakkai started to pace, a sure sign that he was agitated, and Kanan watched him without a word.

"Well you're _being_ stupid, that's for certain. Why in the world would you think you can just get up and _leave_ one day?"

"I'm sick of being here, and I hate this place."

"Just listen to yourself! Nobody likes the hospital, Gojyo—it's not a resort—but that doesn't mean you can just walk out of here when you're fed up with it."

"How long do I have to be here?" I demanded, a little desperately, "I'm almost totally better—why won't they just let me go home? It's not like they give a shit about whether I go off and die or not, so why won't they just let me leave?"

"You're not ready-"

"I think I am. I think I could just go home and hang out there until I'm completely healed—I don't see why I have to keep sitting here getting treated like some know-nothing shithead who can't even take a piss by himself."

Hakkai stopped pacing suddenly and came over to stand next to me. "Because Mister Wu told them not to discharge you until you're completely healed."

I gaped at him, "What? Why?"

"He said it's because your living situation is questionable, and there's no one at your house to take care of you."

That was true—there was no way Banri was going to cater to me just because I was hurt—but it still pissed me off, "What business is it of his?"

"He's paying for this, lest you forget. It is entirely his business, possibly more than it is anyone else's."

"No it's not. It's got nothing to do with him what my place is like. I don't appreciate that fat bastard coming along and-"

"Enough." He said shortly. "I know this is uncomfortable for you, and I understand that it distresses you, but there's absolutely no way you're leaving until they say you can, so you might as well stop being so uncooperative and just accept that this is where you have to be right now, and focus on recovering."

I was getting really angry now, and I didn't like that he was taking their side, "Man, why do you always have to lecture me?"

"Because I care about what happens to you."

"I'm not going to stay here, Hakkai."

His voice turned sharp, "You had better."

"Why should I?"

He started to answer, and I was pretty sure he was going to start yelling, but a nurse poked her head through the door and said, "Hakkai? Mr. Wu would like to have a word with you."

"That bastard's here?" I demanded.

"Thank-you, ma'am. I'll be right there." Hakkai turned back to look at me again, expression suddenly apologetic and pleading, "For me, Gojyo, all right? Please."

I didn't answer him, and he turned to Kanan, took her hand in his for a quick second, "I'll be right back." Then he walked out of the room without another word. For him, my ass. I'd do anything for Hakkai, but not this. This was asking way too much, and I wasn't going to stay here just because Hakkai told me to. Next chance I got, I was out of here. Maybe leaving at night would make more sense. Maybe I'd been stupid trying to leave in the middle of broad daylight.

"They're right, you know." Kanan said out of nowhere.

I glared up at her, "Not you too."

She looked really pretty today, wearing a long, green dress, her silky hair falling loosely around her shoulders, for once, and I think she was wearing make-up. She shook her head at me, "It's not my place to lecture you, though I do think you're being more foolish than you realize. I will say this: Hakkai was really worried about you when you got hurt, and I think, in a lot of ways, he still is."

"What for? That was almost a month ago."

"You almost died, that's 'what for', and it hasn't been a month yet, and your injury hasn't healed completely, and if you're not careful, it could still hurt you. He doesn't want that.

"You should have seen him that night…" Her voice turned a little softer, "He was so beside himself, so desperately afraid for you. He wouldn't eat, wouldn't drink or rest, he wouldn't even let the doctors tend to his own wounds. You were a bit delirious at the time, so I'm sure you don't remember, but he hardly left your side for three days straight—I had to bring him his meals, and Liling brought him notes from class."

"He told me he got time off from class."

Kanan shook her head and looked at me like I was stupid, just like everyone else had been. "No, of course not. All things considered, did you actually believe his professors would have excused him from class so that he could come here and be with you?"

A dirty, rotten hanyou like me… Probably not. I wasn't sure why I'd believed him when he told me that.

"Hyoka nearly expelled him, but Hakkai wouldn't even go talk to him. He wouldn't meet with any of his teachers. They probably would have flunked him if the Chairman hadn't gotten involved. In the end, they all agreed that as long as he still did the homework, and got it in to them on time, somehow, they wouldn't dock any points for being absent, but he certainly wasn't excused."

No way.

I thought about the books he'd been reading the first few times I'd seen him, and at the time, I hadn't paid much attention to them, but thinking back, I realized they probably had been textbooks.

"I didn't ask him to do any of that." I mumbled, guilt sitting heavily in my chest.

"I know, but it doesn't matter. He still missed two weeks of class to be here with you."

I barely lifted my eyes to look at her. I couldn't really figure Kanan out. She came a lot with Hakkai, but she was usually quiet the whole time, and usually, she left before he did. I was getting the impression that she didn't really like me. Which sucked, because I kind of liked her. I mean, she was always nice, and she asked how I was and stuff, but I still felt like she just thought I was a lowlife.

Either way, I could tell they were getting along really well, and I had already noticed that Hakkai smiled way, way more than he used to—almost constantly now—it made me wonder if he was fucking her, then I remembered that they had the same family name…

_None of my business._

In the end, I'd maybe be sort of mad, if I were her. If my boyfriend, or whatever, had a shitty friend like me who had scared the shit out of him and was acting like an ungrateful little asshole just a couple weeks later. I probably wouldn't like me very much either.

"Sorry." I muttered.

Kanan smiled suddenly and leaned over to put her hand on my shoulder, "Sh. Don't feel bad. You're his best friend, so of course he was going to skip class to stay with you—it's their own fault for being so unyielding—but Hakkai did the right thing."

She was confusing me again.

"All I'm saying now is you should just relax, don't worry so much about getting out of here, and give him a little peace of mind. You're going to be okay, so he shouldn't have to worry about you anymore, don't you think?"

"Yeah."

Her hand slid over my cheek, "You won't be here that much longer, I promise."

I didn't get her. Maybe she didn't dislike me after all… She was probably one of the sweetest chicks I'd ever met, and suddenly, I was kind of jealous of Hakkai, whether he was fucking her or if he was related to her, or both, or whatever. He was a lucky dude.

I smiled up at her.

Kanan laughed a little, "That's better. You're not as cute when you pout like that." She leaned over to kiss my forehead, and the jealousy was worse than ever, but I pushed it away. There was no way I'd even think about it.

Anyway, I knew she was right. I owed it to Hakkai to chill the fuck out and act a little more responsible. I didn't want him to lose sleep at night, wondering if I was putting together a sheet rope and jumping out of the hospital window. When he came back, I'd apologize.

The door swung open, and Wu and Hakkai came in. The old man was shaking his finger at me, "Ah, naughty, naughty, my boy. Trying to escape, hm? Do you actually think you can solve _all_ your problems by running away?"

"I wasn't running away, you fat turd. I just wanted to get out of here."

"You may as well put _that_ out of your mind, sir."

"Right, right, I know, 'cause you told them not to let me leave. By the way, I don't need you sticking your fat face in my business."

Wu just laughed, "So someone let you in on that, did they?" He looked down at Hakkai, cocking his eyebrow at him.

"I don't know who you think you are, but I don't appreciate the concern. At all."

"No, of course not. Still, if we let you go home now, you'd probably break your stitches, or contract septicemia, or at least wind up with an infection. How negligent would that be?"

"I still don't think it's any of your damn business." I grumbled.

"Oh, but it is. In fact, it's all of our business—it takes a village to raise a child, you know."

"I ain't a _kid_, asshole."

"I rather disagree." He grinned that shark's smile of his, and I remembered how much I didn't trust him.

I glared back, wishing there was something I could say that would get me out of here and away from him.

"Goodness, don't give me that scary look, Gojyo-chan. Here, why don't you try to see something positive about the situation?"

I guess there were a couple nice things about being stuck here, like the fact that the hospital bed was a million times more comfortable than my shitty excuse for a cot back home, and I was getting three square meals a day. When it snowed, I didn't freeze my balls off just because Banri was too cheap to turn the heat up.

On the other hand, I didn't like being told when to eat and sleep, or that I couldn't get out of bed, and I didn't like it when some bitchy nurse chased Hakkai out because visiting hours were over.

All my life, freedom had been the only thing I had, and I didn't like them taking it away from me.

I snorted, "If this's how normal kids feel every day, then I feel bad for them."

Wu laughed like I was making a joke, "At any rate, my little trouble-maker, I just came by to make sure you're doing all right, but I must be off now."

"Oh no. Please. Stay. You're gonna' break my heart."

He just waggled his finger at me again, "Such attitude. Well, perhaps it's for the best—that spirit of yours just might help you recover." He turned to bow to Hakkai and Kanan, "Good day, children." He strode toward the door, hesitating just before he went out, "Gojyo. Try to be a good boy from now on—it would be a shame for you to have to stay here for much longer."

That creeped me out a little, but I wasn't sure what he meant by it. I guess it could just mean what it sounded like, but something about his tone…

I raised my eyes to Hakkai, "What the hell?"

He sighed, "What's wrong now?"

"Don't you think that was weird?"

"What?"

"That thing he said."

"No, not particularly. We all know you hate it here, and it would be nice if you could go home soon, that's all."

"It was way creepier than that."

"Oh, you're just being silly."

"Seriously, dude. I can't believe you're suddenly on that guy's side."

Hakkai glared at me, "I'm on _your_ side."

"Yeah, but-"

Kanan interrupted, "I think you two have some things to work out—why don't I wait in the hall?"

"Very well. I won't be long."

I frowned a little. Great, I'd pissed him off, and now he was going to head home early. Kanan wasn't even totally gone yet when I blurted out, "I'm sorry, Hakkai, okay?"

"You should be. Here I am, doing my best to look after you, and you're just-"

"Bein' totally ungrateful. I know. I'm sorry."

He looked kind of startled, but he moved right along, "I don't think you're being ungrateful. I understand why you're upset, and I'm sorry, but you need to think about your health instead of your pride, for once."

"I said I'm sorry. I won't do it again, I swear."

He seemed skeptical, "Should I believe you?"

"I promise, dude. I'll stay right here until you tell me I can go home."

"It's not really up to me…oh, never mind. Thank-you, Gojyo. I would really appreciate that."

"Just don't be mad, okay…"

"I'm not angry. I'm worried about you."

"Don't worry, I'll stay here." I laid back down just to show him how much I meant it, and I guess I was wrong the first time, because apparently I'd do anything for Hakkai. Absolutely anything.

Even then, my chest felt tight, and the room around me was unbearable, and the idea that I had to stay there for God knows how much longer, made me want to scream. I didn't know how I was going to take it.

Hakkai moved in closer and put his hand over mine, "Now, now, try not to let it bother you so much. You're going to be out of here before you know it, I promise."

I sighed. "Fine. If you say so."

"I _promise_."

He stayed a bit longer, and we talked a little, and the nurse brought us some tea, and then Hakkai said he didn't want to keep Kanan waiting too long, so he reiterated how much it meant to him for me to stay put, and I swore to God I would, and then he left.

It was really hard to keep that promise, because I really hated the hospital, more and more every day, but Hakkai always came back to keep me accountable, and after that day, he started coming more often—twice a day, every day, like he wanted to make sure I wasn't going to try to leave again, or maybe he just felt bad that I had to stay there by myself and figured it would help to see me more.

I wondered if he was still skipping class, but when I asked him, he beat around the bush and never answered me.

Other people came too. Jing-Sheng, because of his dad. He didn't say a lot, but he wasn't as rude as he'd been in the past. I think I'd earned his respect with what I'd done, which, _obviously_, had been one of my major goals. Dr. Yinfu showed up a couple times too, acting interested and even kind of concerned. But not _too_ concerned. I got the feeling he was more interested in how I'd survived such a serious injury, but I don't think anyone had an answer for that. Hell, even I didn't know. I had been really sure I was going to die.

I was surprised that Gen-Tang never came, and when I asked Hakkai what happened to him, he told me he'd disappeared without a word. He'd probably come back though, eventually. He still needed to get his book back, and I didn't think he'd go all the way over to the theater to get it by himself and then leave without saying anything to us.

Every day, I half-expected Banri to walk in. Some days, I even wanted him to; I sort of thought it would be an even trade, getting made fun of just to see something familiar and normal. I was stupid enough to think that maybe, if he came, he wouldn't make fun of me. Maybe, just this once, he'd be decent and cool, and ask if I was okay, and take it like a dude when I told him to fuck off and mind his own business. I never asked about him, but one day Hakkai happened to mention that I might as well not 'waste any energy on expecting Mister Banri' because he had no idea I was here.

"You didn't tell him?" I couldn't help sounding slightly peeved, but I knew I had no right to be. If I were Hakkai, I wouldn't want to walk all the way to downtown An Jin just to talk to asshole Banri.

"No, as a matter of fact, I didn't." He didn't seem sorry at all.

"Why? He's my roommate, you know. He's probably wondering where I am."

"Or else he's replaced you by now. At any rate, I doubt he's worried about you, considering he didn't show even the remotest bit of concern for your well-being when we faced Dasha at the theater."

"He helped us out later though."

"More than likely that was only to alleviate his own conscience, and, lest you forget, he was very clear in saying that he had no intentions of ever helping you again, which is asinine at best."

"Yeah. But still."

"Well, if that's not enough for you, let me say that I personally don't care to ever see Banri again, and also, I have my doubts about the way it could affect your recovery, as well as your health, were he to come here and treat you the same way he's treated you any time I've seen him in the past."

Suddenly I wondered if Hakkai had anything to do with the fact that I hadn't been discharged yet.

"Unless of course I'm mistaken, and he has a secret, nurturing, brotherly side."

Banri definitely didn't have that, but I just muttered, "When'd you get so overprotective?"

"When you got shot point-blank in the stomach."

"Fair enough." I stared at the door a moment, sort of willing Jien to appear out of thin air. It bothered me that I had almost died, and he had no idea.

Hakkai misread my expression and said, "I'm just trying to help."

"I know. Thanks." I tried to smile at him.

In the end, I guess, it wasn't so much that I wanted Banri to come along, it was just that I wished there were more people in the world who gave a damn.

Oh well. That too was just a part of life. I knew I just had to get used to it, and I felt sort of stupid for not being used to it already. It was four years since Jien killed Mom and left, so it was about time for me to accept that I was pretty much alone in the world, and move on with my life.

Then again, I wasn't really alone these days. Not with Hakkai hanging around, being over-protective and never giving up on me and always forgiving every shit-head thing I said. Come to think of it, I was doing okay. With Dasha gone, I was in a situation I could live with, and when that occurred to me, I couldn't help feeling a little bit excited, like a damn kid. After that, I could hardly wait to get out of the hospital, because things were going to be better from now on. I wouldn't have to answer to anyone anymore, I could live by my own rules again, and Hakkai and me could run around and go crazy in An Jin, and I wouldn't have to worry about Dasha finding out and using our friendship against me. Even though I remembered he'd told Wu and the other assholes running the school that he wouldn't hang out with me anymore, I doubted they'd hold him to that after what happened. As far as I could tell, we were finally free to do whatever we wanted.

I owed Hakkai for that too. I owed him big time.

When all was said and done, I was in the hospital a little less than a month before I was finally well enough to get out of bed and move around by myself. My wound still bothered me a little, but Jing-Sheng's dad talked like it would just be a matter of day-to-day rehabilitation, and he finally said I could go home.

That was the day Wu came back.

I was sitting up on the edge of the bed, lacing up my boots, feeling like I'd never been so grateful to be wearing jeans in my whole life, and Hakkai was sitting across from me, waiting patiently. We were babbling away about the typical bullshit, giving each other a hard time and whatever, and I could tell he felt just about as carefree as I did.

The door swung open and Wu marched in, smiling this big, friendly smile, "Well, well, well, good day, boys. Finally getting ready to leave I see."

I barely glanced up at him. I knew I should be grateful for what he'd done for me, but I hadn't forgotten that he'd shot me himself once, and that he'd put a price on my head. I wasn't sure I could trust him. "Yeah. Finally. No thanks to you."

Wu laughed a little, even when I was dead serious.

Hakkai smiled at him, brightly, "Did you come to see us off, sir?"

"Yes and no."

"Whatever that means." I snorted, finished tying my boots and got to my feet. When I stretched my arms above my head, I felt a slight twinge of pain in my abdomen, but it was nothing I couldn't handle.

Over all, I didn't feel half bad.

"In truth, boys, I came to remind you of something."

We both looked up at that.

"Remind us of what?"

Wu sighed a little, "I hate to put a damper on your high spirits, of course, but there's still some unfinished business concerning the Hallmarks of Discord to attend to."

I think my heart stopped beating for a second. Hakkai and me exchanged looks—he seemed a little worried. I tried not to sound bothered as I asked, "What're you talking about, old man?"

"Isn't it obvious, Gojyo-kun? Those items still need to be returned to their rightful place, including my Wizard's Medallion."

"I was afraid you'd say that." I muttered.

"After all, it's incredibly dangerous for those five things to stay all together in the same spot, which I assume they are. Am I right?"

I just nodded, lamely.

"That won't do at all. In that case, boys, I propose the three of us set off to recover them, at once. The sooner they're all back where they belong, the better, don't you think?"

After what that crazy-ass Dasha had tried to pull, it was hard to argue with that.

I rolled my eyes at Hakkai, "Well, back to the theater."


	19. Chapter 19

**Recently, I watched the Gaiden OVA. It's been a long time since I read the Gaiden Manga, and I forgot how sad it is. I mean, really. That is some sad, sad, **_**sad**_** shit. **

**Anyway, it took me a while to focus on this chapter-I guess you could say I wasn't stoked for it. But I think it may turn out to be a piece I like more than I expected to.  
Hope you like.**

* * *

**19.**

There's an army of them  
But you'll never fight Alone

* * *

**Hakkai**

"I can't believe I was unable to locate this place by myself." I muttered.

Gojyo turned to cock his eyebrow at me, puffing is cigarette calmly, "What were you doing looking for it?"

The theater loomed over us, its white spire stabbing at the sky, which seemed strangely pale, here in the underworld of An Jin. An enormous, terrible shadow was being cast over us, and I felt as if it might swallow me. The building was a beacon here, in this dark place, and it had been simple enough getting back to it today—at least, Gojyo had made it seem simple. Down this road, take that corner, slip through a back alley, another few turns, and then it was just there. I had to remind myself that it was because he already knew the way, but still I felt certain that I'd been very close to finding it that night he almost died. Perhaps just a few blocks away.

Not that it especially mattered, since nothing inside the theater could have helped me anyway, but never the less… I felt foolish.

"Ah, it was something I did rather on a whim…"

When he gave me another questioning look, I simply said, "Don't worry about it."

He shrugged. "Well, okay then."

Next to us, Wu was huffing and puffing a little from the walk, looking up and down the street, anxiously, but I didn't know if that was merely because being in this part of town bothered him, or if it could be some other reason. He'd ordered a handful of men to accompany us, and they were standing aside, in their dark suits and dark glasses, not saying a word. "Here?" He asked. "The Hallmarks of Discord are here?"

Gojyo nodded, "At least four of them. I dunno' what happened to the dagger." He glanced at me.

I added, "Dasha had the dagger when I fought him on campus, but I have no idea what's become of it since then. I'm afraid, I was so frantic, I didn't think to pick it up before we all rushed back inside. With any luck, Gen-Tang has it, in which case, I'm sure it's secure."

Mr. Wu waved us off, "Don't worry about the dagger boys. What we need now is the four Hallmarks that are inside, and then I think everything will finally be all right." He marched up to the front doors and gave them a good, sturdy yank, but they stayed fast, not so much as creaking. Wu yanked a few more times on the handle, and then began cursing and beating on them, angrily. He gestured for a couple of men to come and break the doors down, but it looked as if they only bruised their shoulders.

Next to me, Gojyo was laughing under his breath, "What a fuckin' dumb ass."

I frowned at him, "I'd rather not stand out here all day."

He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye, then said coolly, "Hey, boss. You ain't getting in that way."

Wu turned back to us, scowling, wiping at his round, red face, "Well, what way _should_ we go in?"

Gojyo surveyed the building, "Looks like nobody's here. If it's empty, that means everything's locked, and Dasha reinforced the place—it's like a fortress. None of the ground level doors or windows are gonna' work for us."

"Then _what_?" Wu demanded again.

"There's a window on the third floor that's broken and doesn't latch, but I dunno'-"

Wu came back to stand over him, and I was struck by how much heavier and taller he was than Gojyo. Gojyo must have been overly aware of it as well, because he trailed away and stuck his cigarette back in his mouth, all the malicious humor gone from his eyes.

"How do you know there's a window that doesn't latch?" Wu asked.

"I've gone through it before."

"Going in or coming out?"

"I was coming out…"

"Then you climbed down from the third floor?" Wu seemed much too interested, and it bothered me just a bit.

"Yeah. Once. 'Cause I absolutely had to."

"Very good. Climb up and let us in."

Gojyo studied him, took a few more drags off his cigarette, but didn't move.

When he didn't hop to, Wu became impatient, "Well? Didn't you hear me, boy? Climb up there and slip inside, and come unlock these doors for us."

"Make one of your goons-"

"Don't test my patience. Just go."

Reluctantly, Gojyo approached the theater.

"Wait a moment." I grabbed his arm, "Why, may I ask, does it have to be him?"

"He's smaller." Wu explained calmly, "What if my men don't fit through the window?"

"Then why don't I go?"

Wu stared back at me, then shook his head, decisively, "I can't allow a student to engage in that sort of reckless behavior. Gojyo will be fine."

Gojyo was watching our exchange without a word.

The two of us locked gazes, momentarily, and he gave me a brief smile.

"Don't." I said softly.

Mr. Wu sighed, "Oh, we don't have time for this, Hakkai-kun. Every moment those things sit in there, all together, unattended, is another moment too long." He did seem to be in quite a hurry—he'd rushed us all down here as if the clock was ticking. "I assure you, Gojyo will be fine. It's not so very high, the third story, wouldn't you agree?"

"Yes, but he's still not fully-"

"There's no time." He insisted impatiently. "Hanyou, climb up there." He pushed Gojyo, a little harshly, and my friend stumbled toward the building, straightened his shirt and grumbled under his breath, and then he began to scale the wall.

It was rather remarkable how he did it. I didn't see any hand or footholds, and yet he was climbing up with ease, grabbing at loose panels, shimmying up drain pipes, grabbing, with great assurance, at every wire, bar, beam and groove he found. Before I knew it, he was a good ten feet over my head.

"Be careful!" I called. My heart was pounding a bit faster than usual. His injury really hadn't healed completely yet, and I didn't want him to fall and agitate it further. It bothered me a great deal that Wu was putting him at personal risk once more, and although I tried to tell myself that it was for a good cause, and that it was a chance we had no option but to take, I was still annoyed.

Just a few minutes later, Gojyo was crouching precariously on a third story window. He popped it open with an ease that gave me the impression that he'd done it before, more than once, and disappeared inside.

Nervously, I waited. What if he was wrong and the theater wasn't empty? Bang was still alive, as far as I knew. What if he was inside, lying low, or even waiting for this very thing to happen? Any number of things could go wrong, I'd learned, and now, it seemed, I was just waiting for one of those things to happen.

Much to my relief, it wasn't long before Gojyo was throwing the front doors open, stomping his cigarette butt out, and starting a new one. "There. Happy?"

Wu stepped up to him and smiled, then patted him on the head, "Thank-you. Your services have been invaluable. Now, one last thing—show me where the Hallmarks are."

"Then you're gonna' take them all back to where they belong, right?"

"Of course, they must all be returned to their proper place. Don't forget, you stole the Wizard's Medallion right out from under my nose, and it rightfully belongs to me."

It must have been good enough for Gojyo, because he led the way inside, Wu went after him, flanked by his men, and I, very hesitantly, followed.

The theater was just as dark and dank and musty as I remembered, but it seemed utterly abandoned now, everything in the room covered in dust, with cobwebs dangling in every corner, the light filtering through the filthy windows appeared gray, and the red cast was gone now, as if it was something Dasha himself had emanated. There was still a very creepy feeling throughout the place, but it too had changed. It was less like wandering into a torture chamber and more like stumbling upon an ancient graveyard. A shiver stole through me.

Up ahead, Gojyo reached the stage and stopped in his tracks. I saw him shudder as well. After a second, he went so far as to back away, and I could only guess at why, although I knew that he possessed more than enough bad memories of this place to not want anything to do with it. On the stage, I saw a large, rusty-brown bloodstain, and I knew that's where Tai had lain when she did. What had become of the body now, who could say? I'd rather not know.

"They're up there, on that table." Gojyo said at last. "Least they were. Before…"

"Excellent." Wu mounted the stairs and began to ascend, "Well, come, come now, you two. I'll need help carrying them."

Gojyo didn't so much as shift, and I moved forward to stand at his shoulder. My fear was beginning to overwhelm me now: this place was too eerie and too quiet and too removed from the world. I could easily understand why Dasha had chosen it to live out his nefarious lifestyle in. Once you were here, no one would be able to find you. No one would be able to break down the doors to rescue you. No one could hear you scream.

"Make your guys help you carry them. We got plans." Gojyo hooked his arm around my neck, but I had no idea if it was for my comfort or for his own. I could feel him shaking, ever so slightly, and I suddenly hated Wu for making us come back here, forcing us to remember things.

Mr. Wu seemed all the more annoyed, "My men are not pack mules, Gojyo—they came to protect us in this vile place, not to tote things around."

"I ain't a mule either, asshole."

"You're much closer to one though."

I could tell that made Gojyo very angry, and I vowed to myself, at once, that if he threw a fit and stormed out, I was going to follow on his heels, if only because it would provide a very good excuse to get away from this place. In fact, I hoped he would.

Unfortunately, it seemed like he'd rather argue with Wu. "How hard is it to carry a flower pot, a necklace, a book and a _ring_? Put the ring on your finger, put the necklace around your neck, then you still got two hands to-"

In an instant, Wu was back down the stairs, standing over us once more, in a demeanor twice as intimidating as any time in the past, "Look here, boys, you've caused enough trouble with these items, and now it's time to stop being pesky, little brats and start owning up to your responsibilities, do you understand? Enough with the lazy excuses. Hakkai. Now."

Neither of us moved or said a word, but Wu kept standing over us, glaring expectantly down at us as if we really were nothing more than a pair of naughty five-year-olds.

Gojyo nudged my shoulder slightly, and we exchanged a look. He rolled his eyes and jerked his head toward the stage. His mouth quirked in a vague expression of distaste, and then he shrugged, as if to say, 'we may as well—I don't like it any more than you do, but there's nothing to be done to avoid it.'

Silently, I nodded, and then we climbed the stairs together, Gojyo skirting wide around the bloodstain, which, aside from that, he seemed to refuse to acknowledge, and led the way over to the table. Wu was close behind us, and he stood right at our backs as we stood beside the table.

Gojyo studied the tabletop a long moment, as did I, and I was disgusted by some of the things I found lying there, and then he snapped up the Wizard's Medallion, turned around, and thrust it at Wu, "Alright, you got your necklace back. You're welcome. Will you take those goddamn wanted posters down now?"

Wu didn't seem to hear him. He took the medallion out of his hand and held it up to the light, a thoughtful look piercing his gaze, and then he turned to observe the other items, murmuring, slowly, "The Goddess's Ring…the Enchanted Flower…the Book of the Ancients…Wizard's Medallion. For so many years, I thought they were all nothing more than mythos."

"They're real." Gojyo growled, "And they suck. What about the wanted posters?"

Still, Wu wasn't listening, "As a boy, when I heard of the Hallmarks of Discord, I was no older than either of these two…but I never dreamed I'd see all these things together. It's taken a lifetime, hasn't it?"

Gojyo seemed to give up. He shifted, uncomfortably, shot another glance at me, and whispered, "Dude. I don't like this."

It was getting rather frightening. Still, I was consoling myself with the knowledge that Wu didn't have the Ruby of Dagger—I was quite certain Gen-Tang did—and therefore, he couldn't possibly use the Hallmarks. Besides, we had been told that the ritual had to be performed within a certain number of days, and that amount of time had to have passed by now.

As soon as I'd had the thought, a voice echoed through the theater, powerful and commanding, "Wu Shareta! I would advise you to take a step away from the Hallmarks, as well as the boys, at once."

All three of us whipped around to watch Gen-Tang coming up the aisle, one hand on his katana, looking determined and prepared. His appearance eased my nervousness considerably, and I even found myself smiling.

Wu didn't seem bothered, "Oh, good afternoon, my fine sir. We haven't seen you in some time. How's your health?"

"Don't try to distract me, Wu. Just get away from them."

"I think you're confused. The three of us came here to set things right, Gen-Tang-san, because it's time all these things were returned to their proper place."

"You're not fooling anyone. I know you came here to use the Hallmarks for yourself, and I will not allow that to happen."

"I? Sir, you're mistaken. I've come here with nothing but pure intentions, meaning to put the Hallmarks back where they belong—you're clearly the one who's come to use them for evil."

Gen-Tang stood up to his accusation with absolute confidence as he answered, shaking his head gravely, "No, Wu. I would never sink so low as to manipulate two children into doing my dirty work for me."

At last, Mr. Wu had nothing to say, but my heart began to pound. I should have known all along. I almost turned to Gojyo to apologize.

Gen-Tang looked directly at me, "Move away from him, Hakkai. We can't risk anything."

I nodded and took the first step.

Wu moved even quicker than I did, and he was suddenly standing between Gojyo and I. He caught me by the wrist, nearly lifting me off my feet.

"Hey!" Gojyo yelled.

"Everyone remain calm." Mr. Wu ordered. I saw that his men had their guns ready. "There's still time for all of us to get exactly what we want, but if _one_ of you makes so much as one wrong move, this could end very badly for all of you." He let that thought settle, and then he smiled, broadly, "Gen-Tang-san, the sword is a bit passé, isn't it? This is an age of firearms, such as the ones my men carry. You wouldn't want to get shot. I've heard that's a very painful injury to incur. And speaking of which, Gojyo-chan, your wound hasn't quite healed all the way, has it? You should try not to move around too much, and you _certainly_ don't want to get punched in the stomach."

"You bastard." Gojyo growled.

My heart was racing now, and I was panting with fear, but I didn't dare struggle when he was making such subtle, yet potent, threats.

"As for Hakkai. I'm sure none of you want to see me slit his throat." With that, he drew the Ruby Dagger from inside his coat, where it must have been riding on his hip all along. It shone brightly in the darkness of the theater.

I gasped and finally made a singular attempt to pull away, but his grip on my wrist was too strong. "How did you-"

"I picked it up in the confusion, naturally. I knew I'd need it, at some point."

"Don't, you son of a bitch!" Gojyo cried, his eyes had become very wide and they were full of fear. It was a look I was really beginning to hate to see on his face. "Don't even!"

"Wu." Gen-Tang's voice was still calm, but I could detect a certain thread of horror in it, "If you hurt that child-"

Mr. Wu chuckled, "Is everyone so barbaric? I'm not going to hurt him—not really—I'm not insane like Dasha was, and I have no reason to go out of my way to kill him when just a drop of blood should suffice."

He turned my hand palm-side up, laying the dagger across it.

Gen-Tang's voice turned a little desperate, and I saw him tighten his grip on his sword, "Listen to me, Wu. The Hallmarks are _not_ what you think they are. They won't lead you to paradise or make you all powerful: they're very dangerous! They've enticed your mind, and if you give in now, you'll do something you're going to regret!"

Wu was just laughing at him now, not caring at all for what he had to say, "What nonsense. Haven't you read the ancient texts, my friend? The Hallmarks of Discord will make the user immortal. All-powerful. _Unstoppable._ The men who used them in the past were able to shape their world and make it whatever they wanted it to be, with their superior strength and minds, and their knowledge of things that mortals never see."

"Then where are they now?" Gen-Tang demanded, sounding almost desperate, "If they became immortal and molded the world into their version of paradise, why doesn't anyone so much as know their names?"

"Because they never went down in history, of course! Not the way I intend to."

I felt the edge of the dagger beginning to dig in, not quite enough to cut my skin yet, but it was cold, and it frightened me. My body started shaking all over, more violently than ever.

Gojyo grated out, "Wu, I swear to God, if you hurt him, I'm gonna' spend the rest of my life trying to kill you."

Wu just laughed. "You know, Gojyo…I think I'd enjoy that."

"Mr. Wu, wait!" I shouted. "Wait, just a moment!"

He wasn't listening.

"Wu!" Gojyo grabbed his arm, viciously.

With a swift stroke, I felt the blade lay my palm open, a clean, diagonal slice from the base of my forefinger, down to my wrist, and a thin line of blood trickled over my skin. I gasped more from surprise than pain.

Wu released my wrist, smiling sharkishly, "There, you see? That wasn't so bad, was it? Now, I really must thank both of you—none of this would have been possible without you."

Gojyo came to me and grabbed my wrist and stared at the cut on my palm like he couldn't believe it. We both turned to look up at Wu.

The old man was laughing that much more, "Just think! Soon, I'll be immortal!" He spread his arms wide, "I can feel it beginning!"

"You're insane!" Gojyo barked, "Those things aren't gonna' make you live forever!"

"What a doubter we have here. I can't wait to show you how wrong you are! At last, there will be order in this world—an end to the chaos and the fear! Everyone will bow to me, humans and youkai alike!"  
It took me a moment to realize that a strange light was starting to fill the room. It started out very dimly, and then steadily grew. I noticed that it seemed to be coming from Wu's body, all of him glowing, from head to toe, and his laughter was ringing through the theater. "It feels so magnificent! The power! If only you knew how long I waited for this—and can you imagine, all of it made possible by an unwanted orphan and a hanyou runaway. What a pair!"

We were both staring at him our mouths hanging open, as the light continued to glow, and now his eyes were shining, and they seemed to be changing color as well, from brown to a vibrant, warm cinnamon color.

"W-wait a minute." Gojyo stammered, "Something's actually going to happen?"

Wu gave him a disapproving expression, "I tried to warn you from the beginning that something would happen, so don't be surprised by it now."

"I thought there was a timeframe." I said smally.

"Yes, of course there is." He snorted, "And thanks to your friend here, I nearly missed it. You can't imagine how hard it was to sit around in Cheng all that time, waiting for this irreverent, little half-blood to be well enough to show me to find the Hallmarks, or how frustrating it was to listen to all his juvenile complaints and crass insults, when all I wanted from the very beginning was one thing. As if I actually gave a damn about his rehabilitation."

Gojyo tilted his head at me, eyes somewhat hard and piercing, "Called it."

"Oh. Oh, my." I rubbed the back of my head, "I suppose you did…" I laughed.

Wu went on, "At least in the end he was good for something. And you, Hakkai-kun." He grinned at me, his skin-tone looking warmer now, cheeks and forehead flushed, and the light was pouring off him, "I owe it to you for getting Dasha out of the way—he was a loose cannon: who knows what he would have done with the Hallmarks of Discord?"

"What about you?" I demanded, "You expect us to believe that it's better for you to have used them?"

"Well of course it is. I'm not a sociopath, like Dasha was. _I'm_ not going to shoot your friend for no reason, Hakkai. _I'm _not going to make you choose between him and your girlfriend. _I'm_ not going to manipulate the bond the two of you share. Doesn't that make me a far better candidate for this?"

"No." Gen-Tang called. He was moving forward again, but Wu's bodyguards were in his way, and now he had his sword drawn, "You've chosen to awaken an ancient power that you don't fully understand. You may not be as violent as Dasha was, but you're surely just as mad!"

I wasn't sure that was true either. After all, Wu had shot Gojyo himself once, and just that thought brought a flood of terrible memories swept over me. Hardly thinking at all, I moved a step or so forward, standing just in front of Gojyo, because if either of us were going to get injured now, I would not allow it to be him. Not after what had happened before. Not after sitting in the hospital, by his side, for weeks.

Wu cried out, his amber-red eyes gleaming with contempt, "I've wanted this all my life! I kept that medallion for thirty years and endured its misfortune just so I could achieve this, and nothing you say is going to make me change my mind! Besides, it's too late to turn back now. The transformation will be over soon."

Gen-Tang snarled, "Very well then. Boys! We must stop him before the transformation is finished! Do whatever it takes!"

Unbelievable.

I turned to him, holding my bleeding hand, "You want us to fight him?"

"You have to kill him, Hakkai—before he achieves immortality!"

"You expect _us_ to kill him?"

"I know you can do it. I saw what you did to Dasha."

"That isn't what concerns me!" There were so many other things to worry about—first and foremost in my mind was that Gojyo shouldn't be so much as roughhousing with me, let alone engaging in a full-blown fight with Wu Shareta when he was still moderately injured.

I suspect Gen-Tang knew where my thoughts lay, because the next thing he called out was, "I understand your concerns, my boy, but the things that are important to you won't be _anything_ at all if his transformation is successful. Everyone you know, and everything you love could be destroyed!"

Seeking some sort of approval, or at the very least, consolation, I looked at Gojyo. "What should we do?"

He was frowning and looking somewhat worried himself, "I dunno' if-"

"There's nothing you can do!" Wu boomed. His voice was thunderous and somewhat garbled. "The transformation will be over soon, and then I'll reconstruct this world!" He started laughing all over again, and now there was more noise building. It sounded as if a violent wind were rattling at the doors and windows of the theater, and a humming filled the air.

"I don't wanna' die here!" Gojyo shouted to be heard over the nose. "I guess we better…"

"Very well then." I sighed. There wasn't any time left to discuss it.

With a shout, I rushed at Wu, threw myself into him, punching him in the gut, but he didn't seem to notice at all, and my fist merely bounced off his fat stomach.

"What?"

Gojyo tried next, attacking with all his speed and strength, kicking and striking at Wu with his fists and elbows, but each blow seemed even more futile than the last.

Behind us, I heard Gen-Tang fighting Wu's men, characterized by the cold ring of steel, and sporadic gunfire, as well as gurgling screams of pain and fear.

Gojyo and I leapt back, stood shoulder to shoulder, watching Wu, who seemed to be growing in stature now, and the light shining from him was almost blinding.

"Together?" I suggested.

He gave a quick nod, and we rushed forward at the same time, hit simultaneously, beating on Wu with all our might, until my fists were aching and my lungs were heaving.

Finally, Wu's laughter stopped, and I saw an unhappy frown curve on his lips. By that time, his amber eyes were glowing almost as red as Gojyo's, though they were much more cruel. He shouted and made a broad, sweeping gesture with his arm.

He didn't touch either of us, but a blast of wind gushed through the theater, back toward the door, and it blew us both away from him, and we fell, together, off the stage, and landed in a heap on the floor, where we lay, moaning and struggling to right ourselves.

"What the fuck?" Gojyo demanded, sitting up and rubbing his head.

"Your stitches." I grabbed his arm.

"I'm okay." He touched his stomach to make sure, and then looked around.

Gen-Tang was still fighting Wu's men. Two of them were already lying on the ground, missing limbs and heads, and the last two looked almost afraid, though it was difficult to tell through their sunglasses. Gen-Tang had some blood on him as well, but I couldn't tell if it was his own, and his eyes were hard and steely.

"That is one bad ass motherfucker." Gojyo murmured.

Above us, Wu was shouting and laughing. There was what sounded almost like a small explosion, and the light in the theater grew three times as bright. Wu's laughter sounded like howling.

"How the hell do we stop him?" Gojyo wondered, climbing to his feet and pulling me to mine.

"Your guess is as good as mine, I'm afraid."  
"You killed Dasha-"

"He wasn't immortal though."

"Yeah, well neither is this guy—yet."

I bit my lip, thoughtfully. I didn't particularly want to be responsible for anymore deaths, but it seemed I didn't have the option to stay out of this. "I think we may need to employ weapons of some kind."

"Oh, I know!" Gojyo grabbed my arm and started to drag me along, "C'mon, dude!"

"Er. Where are we going?"

He was towing me over toward the emergency exit at the right side of the stage, and I looked back over my shoulder to see that Wu was now towering about ten feet tall and appeared to be more muscular. I could barely look at him though, honestly, because the light pouring of his skin was bright as the sun. "Gojyo, we don't have time."

Gojyo was already turning the corner and scrambling down a narrow, shabby hallway that had rafter beams and other debris clogging it, but he didn't run very far before skidding to a halt. There was a door there, which he shoved open, tearing it off one of its hinges, revealing a small closet, where I saw rows of different kinds of weapons—mostly ancient-looking swords—including battle axes and a cluster of maces. "Somethin' in here's gotta' work." Gojyo took a second to peruse the selection, and then picked out a long, curved sword that looked slightly less rusty in the blade than the others did.

He didn't even give me a moment to choose something before he grabbed my arm again and dragged me back the way we came, tripping on a loose floorboard as he ran. "This better be enough."

The two of us dashed back into the auditorium and sprang up on the stage once more, where Wu looked larger and more intimidating than ever. I couldn't so much as see his pupils anymore, and his head seemed elongated. He was still howling with laughter.

Gojyo took a fighting stance and swung the sword back and forth once or twice, in a few preliminary strikes, testing it, "Get ready for this, you fat fuck. This's for the bounty." He hacked at Wu twice, hitting him once in the gut, and again in the side.

His sword flew into pieces on impact, shards of steel blowing across the room, where I heard them crashing through glass and wood. One shard streaked past my cheek, barely cutting my face.

Gojyo turned slowly to gawk at me, eyes bulging, "Woah."

Wu's laughter was filling the theater now, and I could barely understand him, his voice was so strange, "There's nothing you can do! There's nothing you can do! You're too late! Far, far too late!"

We cowered side by side, Gojyo still clutching the broken-off piece of his sword, and I found myself hanging onto his sleeve out of instinct, though, I was sure if I meant to protect him or if I thought he could protect me. The only thing I could think was that I couldn't believe this was actually happening. After everything we'd been through, we still hadn't been able to prevent this terrible thing, and this time, it was my fault for trusting Wu. What was wrong with me? For my entire childhood I'd been mistrustful of others, as well as their generosity, so why had I believed he honestly wanted to help out of the goodness of his heart? It was foolish, but…I suppose I had just wanted to put my faith in good will. I had just wanted to believe that he genuinely didn't want anything other than to help Gojyo, even if it was just for publicity's sake.

Laughing all the more, Wu began to stomp across the stage, back and forth, head thrown back, swinging the ruby dagger in wide, sweeping arcs, stamping his feet and shouting in triumph. The light was so bright, I had to squint to watch him.

"Hakkai." Gojyo said so quietly I barely heard him, "I…I don't know what to do."

"No, neither do I." I watched Wu cut through Dasha's table like it was made of putty, and everything on it went flying. Next he tore through the curtains hanging on stage right. He knocked over Dasha's throne. He was on a rampage, breaking everything in his path, and I knew he'd get to us, in due time.

"Perhaps we should…" I didn't know how to finish that suggestion, because I didn't know what we should do now. Run? Try to fight? No matter what, it seemed the end of the road was near.

Gojyo looked at me, plaintively, and scared, "This is it, huh? We survived Dasha just for this."

"Don't talk like that." I scolded.

"This is all our fault, right?"

"…I don't know. I suppose it is…"

"Man, it sucks so much! I thought it was over when-"

Behind us, the gunfire ceased, and then there was the sound of running feet. Gen-Tang sprang up beside us, sword drawn, moved to stand just a bit in front of us, and he was bleeding and breathing hard, "You two. You should run."

"Run? But…"

"What about you?" I finished.

"I'll do what I can to prevent this…but the two of you should get as far from here as you possibly can. Don't go back to Cheng."

My heart sank at those words. My life was in Cheng: my school, my home, my studies…_Kanan_.

"Just run as far as you can, and stay together, because the world is about to turn very dark and ugly, and I dare say you'll need one another."

Gojyo looked hard at me, still scared and sorry. Then he protested, "If you're gonna' fight this pig, don't you need our help?"

"There's nothing you can do." Gen-Tang insisted. "Nothing you can do other than try to escape and try to survive this ordeal."

"I don't want to run!" I said suddenly. "I don't want to leave!"

It took him several seconds to answer, in his stoic, matter-of-fact tone, "There's no choice, I'm afraid—this is the price that must be paid for what the two of you have done."

Utterly demoralized, I slumped against Gojyo.

"Now go!"

Gojyo backed toward the edge of the stage, pulling me with him.

Wu saw us move and sprang forward, shouting.

Gen-Tang tried to get in his way, but it only took one blow from Wu to send him flying across the room, far, far to the other side, where the door we'd come through was located. One hit. Just one.

My heart was in my throat.

Wu's bloody eyes were fixed on us, and there was a terrible gash of a smile on his face. "I am supreme!" he gloated.

He came at us.

"Fuck!" Gojyo dove to the side, dragging me with him, and we barely avoided being smashed beneath Wu's bloated body.

He chased us across the stage, swinging the dagger, which looked like a toothpick in his hands by now, and rumbling with laughter and threats. I didn't know how he'd gotten it in his head to attack us when, just minutes ago he'd been claiming that all he wanted to do was put the world in order, but if I had to guess, it was likely because the Hallmarks were taking over his mind, or some like scenario. Some undoubtedly, irrational thing.

I looked for ways to distract or fight him, ducked down behind the overturned throne but he just threw it to the side. I grabbed a leg from the heavy, oak table he'd destroyed and struck him with it, but it burst into splinters. No matter what either of us did, Wu just went right on laughing. He cornered us on stage left, and we huddled there, watching him march closer and closer.

"What the hell's with this guy?" Gojyo sputtered, hanging onto my shoulder, "Is he immortal or what? Is he gonna' stay in that form?"

"I don't know…"

Wu was almost upon us now, gloating in a voice that was no long recognizable at all.

We ducked back further into the corner, as if sinking deeper into it could provide us with some shelter, and I scanned the room for Gen-Tang, but he was nowhere to be seen. He was likely unconscious somewhere, or dead all together. _What a shame that will be…_

Suddenly, Wu reached out and grabbed me. I felt my arm bruise under his gigantic, sausage-like fingers, and screamed as my bone began to bend.

"Hakkai!"

Wu jerked me forward, and I got the impression that he intended to lift me into the air and deposit me in his mouth.

Gojyo held tight to my other arm, screaming unintelligibly—threats, pleas, curses and prayers. I could barely hear him now. The sound of the wind, and Wu's laughter, were drowning everything out.

My feet lifted up from the ground, and I dangled there, feeling my arm threatening to break.

Gojyo was still clinging to my wrist, struggling in all futility to pull me back to the floor.

Wu laughed and shouted something I couldn't have understood, even if I wasn't in pain. He lifted me up.

I kicked and thrashed back and forth.

He opened his mouth wide, amber-red eyes gleaming like a demon's.

Out of pure frustration and pain, I was screaming.

Gojyo held onto me, but he was being lifted off the ground now too, and I feared that Wu would devour both of us.

_I suppose we should have run when we had the chance._ I thought to myself.

It turned out this really was the end.

I lowered my head and closed my eyes. _Well, Kanan…Goodbye…_

Then, suddenly, everything stopped.

We dangled there, me completely off the ground, and Gojyo hanging off my arm, half-way off the ground. Everything was suddenly quiet around us, with nothing left but our own screaming voices to fill the vacant theater.

I opened my eyes and looked around.

Wu was standing perfectly still, his burning eyes twitching strangely.

Below me, Gojyo was still screaming.  
"Gojyo." I kicked him lightly.

He stopped, and looked around too, apparently taking note of the quiet at last, "What…what's he doing?"

I didn't dare make a sound and disturb Wu's reverie. For all I knew, he was coming to his senses, deciding not to kill us, because he was suddenly remembering who we were and who he was, realizing how absurd this all was.

No realization crossed his expression, but he winced, out of nowhere, and let go of my arm, so Gojyo and I both went falling to the floor, landing hard, with me on top of him. We scrambled to sit up, backing away from Wu and watching him warily.

Wu—what had once been Wu—groaned and took a step back. He groaned again, louder this time. He clutched at his head with a long, drawn-out moan. Then another. He staggered slowly toward one side of the stage, then over to the other, suddenly put his fist through a mirror that was hanging nearby. Roared.

"What's going on?" Gojyo hissed, nudging at me.

"I'm flattered that you always just assume I know…"

The two of us watched Wu continue to stumble and trip across the stage, back and forth, holding his head and shaking it, shouting loudly, screaming in an inhuman voice, raging like an animal. The light that was emanating from his body seemed brighter than ever now. He shrieked.

It was a terrible, shrill sound, one that had us both covering our ears and shielding our heads.

Above us, there was the popping sound of glass breaking, and then shards of it came raining down around us. The rafters began to shake and tremble as well. I saw wood exploding in the ceiling. Beneath us, the stage began to sink.

"Shit!"

A floorboard busted loose, right under Wu's feet, but he was too busy thrashing around and stomping and screaming to notice.

The curtains fell, without explanation. Around us, everything was shaking and collapsing and falling over, and I felt the very foundation of the building starting to come apart.

"We have to get out of here!" I shouted, surging to my feet, dragging Gojyo up with me, and together, we sprinted toward backstage, which was the only way out at the time. We'd nearly reached the exit, when a huge beam of wood fell from above and landed directly in front of us, blocking our path. Some more debris crumbled, as if heaven and earth wanted to make certain it was impossible for us to escape.

"Oh, fuck!" Gojyo swung around, nearly stumbling, as more debris fell from the ceiling.

The monster Wu was between us and the edge of the stage, so there was no going that way. We watched him stomp a hole straight through the stage, and now he was tearing at his own hair, gouging the skin on his own face, so blood was streaming down from his eyes and cheeks. His inhuman screaming was growing steadily worse, and the light he was emitting seemed to be getting brighter even more quickly.

Fear was rising up in me, along with wonder and disbelief.

"Gojyo." I groped around for him, without taking my eyes off Wu, found his wrist and clenched it tightly. "We're trapped."

He husked back at me, "That's the least of our problems, man: I think he's about to-"

Wu fell to his knees suddenly, screaming and screaming, punched the floor and broke through it, and blood splashed up over his arm. He beat on the ground with both hands. The light was getting warm now, filling the theater so that I started to feel as if I was in a furnace, and I shielded my face from the light and the heat, squinted to try to keep watching, but it was just too bright now.

Around us, every inch of the theater was shaking, and I heard a deep, disturbing rumble start, somewhere above us. The debris raining from the sky became even more numerous, I felt things bouncing off my shoulders, tried to protect my skull with my arms.

Wu's scream was nothing but a high-pitched whine now, like a loud siren going off before a storm.

I screamed too, from the pain and terror I was experiencing. Everything around us was white—it was worse than going blind—so even when I opened my eyes, I couldn't see anything. All I knew was that it was all falling apart, the building crumbling while we stood there, trapped inside.

Without becoming aware of when or how, I found myself clinging to Gojyo, and in turn, felt him holding tightly to me, both of us screaming, though it was all but drowned out by Wu's piercing cry, heads ducked against each other, faces tucked against one another's shoulders as we fought to protect ourselves from falling rafters and glass that we couldn't even see.

A tremor shot through the ground, like a small earthquake, and we both fell down again. I curled into a tight ball, arms wrapped around my head, upper body pressed against Gojyo.

No, it turns out I was right the first time. We were going to die in this theater after all, because apparently, that was fate.

I laid there and awaited the end, fully expecting some hunk of wood or stone, three times the size of me, to crush us at any given second, and I could only imagine the pain that would cause.

I heard a high-frequency hum that grew and grew, louder and louder, until I thought my ears would start bleeding, and then, it was followed by an even louder, but much deeper, KABOOM. A shockwave washed over us. I felt dust and scraps of the building flying over me, sometimes hitting me, scraping the ground beside me. It was something like being caught in a tornado, I thought. It was the feeling of the end.

And then… the unthinkable.

The noise died away, along with the wind, and the screaming, and the dust began to settle. Even when there was silence, I laid perfectly still, next to Gojyo, arms wrapped around my head, and I listened to the sound of our raspy, shaky breathing, felt my own body trembling with fear, as well as his.

Slowly, very slowly, I opened my eyes.

The unholy light was gone, replaced by what almost looked to be natural sunlight, and the air was much cooler now, and it was fresher.

_How can that be_?

Carefully, I lifted my head to survey the situation, could hardly believe what I saw.

We were huddled in the middle of a deep, wide, black crater, and everything around us was utterly decimated. All the walls of the theater had been torn down, the ceiling had collapsed, the stage had been torn up, and everything I could see was smashed and cracked and broken and destroyed, as if there had been a massive explosion that simply blew the building apart. Several yards from us was a wide, deep crater that was charred black at the bottom.

Above me, the sky was flawlessly blue, if not a bit pale.

Beside me, Gojyo was lying flat on his stomach, arms over his head. He stirred and looked around too. Sat up quickly. "What the hell?"

We stood at the same time, and my legs felt like noodles, so I was holding onto him, and we turned around and around, staring from the crater, to the torn-down walls, to the ceiling that should have smashed us, and back to the crater again, but there was never a good explanation presented to us.

"Dude…" Gojyo whispered at last. "He…he's gone."

"He exploded." I agree, in an equally hushed voice.

I hardly cared why. All I knew was Wu was gone—dead, more than likely-and both of us were alive, and that meant I was going home to Cheng. Back to Kanan.  
It seemed too good to be true, so I stood and waited for something else to go amuck, but for once, the air and the city, and the world around us, all stood just as still and silently as we did.


	20. Chapter 20

**Ahhhh, here we go. Just had to take a quick breath before the wind-down. Sorry to keep you waiting.**

* * *

XX.

You don't know a thing about this life  
And we are up for everything it takes to prove we're not the same as them

'Cause we are not the same  
And we are not afraid  
And we are not ashamed.

* * *

**Gojyo**

I stared in disbelief at the wreckage.

The theater had just collapsed around us—Dasha's theater—a building that had stood for years and years. I'm not saying I was sorry to see it go, but it did shock me to see it lying there in pieces, like a scrap yard. Steel was sticking up out of the ground, snapped off and bent, support beams had fallen and broken in half, there were hunks of steaming iron lying all around, piles and piles of shattered glass, crumbled stone and splintered wood. The stage was gone, a huge, black crater in its place, with smoke fizzing up from all around us, and the air smelled like a barbeque. There wasn't a sign of Wu anywhere.

Hakkai and me stood there for the longest time, side by side, staring at the ruins around us, struggling to breathe through the smoke and the heat. He clutched his bleeding hand, and I could hear from the way his breath shuddered that he was shaking.

Finally, he gasped, "We-we're alive…"

"R-right…" I realized I was shaking too, from head to toe.

"I don't understand. By all means, we should have been crushed when the ceiling collapsed…"

There was a chunk of stone twice as thick as me and three times as long lying at my feet, like if I'd been one more step in that direction, it would have fallen on me. I stared down at the ring on my finger, and even with it there, I was glad nothing had landed on me.

I took another, deeper, quivering breath and held it for ten seconds, looped my arm around his neck, "Damn, dude. Was that freakin' crazy or what?"

"I'm not sure what happened exactly."

"What, didja' have your eyes closed or somethin'?"

"Actually, what I meant was, I don't understand. If he did indeed achieve immortality, as he expected to, why did he…? Unless…he's not actually dead."

Both of us did a quick double check of the area, but I didn't see Wu anywhere. It seemed like he really must have imploded, or exploded, or spontaneously combusted or _something_.

Gen-Tang was coming up behind us, walking steadily across the piles of debris, and I was startled as hell that he was still alive. "As I told you, numerous times, in the past, the Hallmarks of Discord are _not_ something to take lightly. I hope the two of you can finally see what I meant first hand."

We turned to him, simultaneously, and Hakkai called across the distance to him, "Do you mean to say this happened because of those items?"

"That's exactly what I mean to say." He answered tiredly, and he looked pretty damn worn out, katana in hand, blood running down his face and arms, robes trashed and stained, but his voice was steady and strong, "They were never meant to be gathered together; while it's true that collecting them and initiating the sacrifice _can_ result in the user becoming immortal, history has proven that it's far more likely to bring destruction to the one who tries to use their powers for his own gain. Like I said before, it's a delicate procedure, invoking the abilities of the Hallmarks to become immortal—one mistake, and it could cost your life."

"But Mr. Wu seemed so certain that he'd done everything correctly."

Gen-Tang was just a few feet away now, and I noticed that his injuries were a little worse than I thought—there was a gash on his forehead, and a long, deep scrape stretching down his bare shoulder to his elbow. "Well, no one ever believes they're going about it wrong, but the fact of the matter is, it's been so long since the procedure was done correctly—if it ever _has_ been in the first place—no one really knows how to do it the right way anymore."

"Man, what a fat waste of time." I mumbled, got a cigarette started.

"What do you suppose Wu did wrong?" Hakkai asked.

"Impossible to say for sure." Gen-Tang wiped his blade across his sleeve and then sheathed it. "The only thing I can think of off the top of my head is the fact that he didn't gather the Hallmarks for himself."

Neither of us said anything for a moment, and I think Hakkai was giving him the same stupid look I was. "Ya' mean…that makes a difference?"

Gen-Tang nodded gravely, "Yes, believe it or not. In the past, many have theorized that anyone who expects to use the Hallmarks of Discord, whether it be for good or evil, must be willing to take responsibility for their powers and all the consequences that come of gathering them."

"I suppose that would include the effort required for going out and finding them." Hakkai murmured.

"In theory. Although, both Wu and Dasha must have had their own ideas about what it really meant to be involved in finding the hallmarks. Apparently they both thought it would be enough to use _you_ to get everything for them, possibly because neither of them considered the fact that you're a person as well."

For some reason, I remembered what Madame Xiaoli had said to us the day she gave me the enchanted flower. After she suggested that she was _supposed_ to give me the flower, she'd said that it seemed right to give something so forbidden to someone who was kind of forbidden in his own way.

Maybe Gen-Tang was right. Maybe the only reason I had survived any of this was because Dasha and Wu had both underestimated me, just because I was a hanyou.

What else did she say?

_…there is a lesson to be learned here as well…after all, if those things that are precious to us were never threatened, how could we learn to appreciate them? …by the time this venture is over, the gains will be well worth it…_

I slid a glance at Hakkai, even though he wasn't looking back at me—he was listening to whatever Gen-Tang was saying—and I thought maybe she was right. I had definitely figured out exactly what was important to me through all of this, and how far I'd go to protect it. Even if everything else about this sucked ass, that seemed like it might actually be worth it.

_Follow the path to destiny, and you'll find what you seek._

When the Book of the Ancients told me that, I had been asking where to find Jien; still, even if I didn't get the answer I was looking for, maybe I got the answer I needed. Something about all this made me want to go on living, and if I found Jien, good for me. If I didn't, well, that was just the way it was, because somehow in the middle of it all, even with people yelling at me from every direction that I was worthless and expendable and disgusting, I had discovered something that made me feel appreciated and important and necessary, something that had given me the courage and the strength I needed to pull through, even when every fiber of my being was screaming to just give the fuck up already. That felt like the first step onto the path to destiny right there.

Grinning to myself, I hung my arm off Hakkai, felt his hand hook onto my shoulder; it felt strangely familiar, like I'd known him forever and ever, like it was supposed to be just like this.

Gen-Tang was still talking, "…strange as it may sound, when you gathered the Hallmarks together, whether it was because you asked for them, or because you stole them outright, you took responsibility for their individual magic, and that could be why no one else was able to use them."

"Hm." Hakkai turned to me, "Ash-Calder _did_ tell you that you would have to accept full responsibility for the Ruby Dagger when he gave it to you."

"Wait a minute." I tore the cigarette out of my mouth, "What're you guys sayin'? Are you telling me that if _I _put all that crazy shit together and sacrificed a virgin _I_ could have been immortal?"

They both stared at me like I was stupid.

"Yes." Gen-Tang said at last. "It's very possible. After all, you did all the legwork, you suffered all the consequences, and you endured the pain that's associated with the Hallmarks. The people who love _you_ were the ones who died and were tormented. Not Wu or Dasha or the people who followed _them_. You were the only one worthy of receiving the benefits."

"Well, damn! Wish I'd known that."

Hakkai sighed, disappointedly, "Gojyo."

Gen-Tang shook his head, "It's easy to think that this kind of magic could solve all your problems, but remember, child, immortality, appealing as it is, is incredibly dangerous to mankind, and it can rob you of every connection you've ever had to this earth and the people on it."

I opened my mouth, started to tell him that I didn't have connections to anyone, because I wasn't human or youkai, but I stopped myself. For the first time in a long time, it occurred to me that maybe I didn't need to go spewing that kind of pathetic bullshit everywhere I went. I guess it could be the fact that by this time, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it wasn't true.

Besides. I didn't really want to be immortal anyway. What good would it do me to be here forever and ever? Hakkai asked what was wrong with being here, and I guess there wasn't anything wrong with it. I didn't want to die, obviously, but what good would it do me to live forever? It wouldn't change my place in this world.

Slowly, I nodded. "'Kay."

Gen-Tang smiled suddenly, rested his hand, heavily, on top of my head, "You've grown up a little, haven't you? You both have. I hope you'll remember the things you learned from all this."

"I'm sure we will." Hakkai murmured. "Never in my life has there been anything so…educational as this."

"And I want to apologize to both of you. I let you fall into a dangerous situation, yet again…and I'm sorry for that. I'm also sorry I instructed you to fight him. That was my responsibility, and I shouldn't have forced it off on the two of you."

"Please, think nothing of it, Gen-Tang-san." Hakkai said with a bow, "We've gotten used to this sort of thing, I think."

Gen-Tang laughed a little, which kind of weirded me out, since he'd never laughed before, and for the first time I noticed how cheery and confident and father-like he looked. At least, the way I imagined fathers were supposed to look. "Well, then, as long we're all on the same page, I think it's time to return the Hallmarks of Discord to their rightful places. Don't you?"

"Sure, but." I looked around the wrecked theater again, "Do you think that stuff survived? Wu blew up right next to it."

"Those items have been in this world for thousands of years." Gen-Tang answered, surveying the ruins as well, "I think it would take a bit more than an explosion to destroy them completely."

"Yeah, well, what about your book? You don't think it got burnt to a crisp?"

"Let's look around. You might be surprised."

"Wait a moment." Hakkai interrupted, politely, "Just one more question before we begin the search… I don't understand. The two of us. We were right next to him as well, and as best I can tell, neither of us have a scratch on us."

"Oh, I…" I popped the Goddess's Ring off my thumb, "I can explain that." I held it up for them to see.

They looked at it a long, disbelieving moment, and then Hakkai demanded, "When did you take that?"

"Slight of hand, baby." I grinned. "I snagged it when I picked up the Medallion and handed it to Wu. I never trusted that fucker, and I figured he'd try to pull this shit. I thought if I had the ring, maybe it wouldn't work…or something."

Hakkai shook his head wonderingly, "I never would have expected your trust issues to be the thing that saved us. Well, at any rate, it explains why _you're_ okay, but I still don't understand why _I_ wasn't killed."

I thought about how hard I'd tried to stay close to him in the fight. I had been meaning to give him the ring, because I figured, being half-youkai, I had a better chance of surviving than he did, but I never got a moment to hand it to him. Still…I had been holding onto him really tight at the end there.

Gen-Tang fixed a serious eye on both of us, "Ah. It looks as if you protected each other."

I stared hard at him, trying to decide if I should laugh or not. "Yeah…sure. How does _that_ work?"

"I'm afraid I don't understand either, Gen-Tang-san. We happened to be holding onto one another when Wu…exploded, or what have you, but I fail to see how that could possibly be enough. He had the ring, and I did not."

"That may have been enough." Gen-Tang went on, "Don't forget, boys, we're dealing with mysticism, so it could be that the Ring could feel the love you hold for one another and chose to shield you both."

The two of us were quiet a sec, and then I scoffed, "C'mon. We don't _love_ each other."

"Love." Hakkai began a little loudly, then trailed off, "That is…love is a very strong word."

Gen-Tang smiled again, knowingly, "It's the only explanation I can give, but I suppose it could also be suggested that the two of you are simply very, very lucky. Now come." He started to walk across the debris. "Let's find the Hallmarks."

I watched him go, then locked gazes with Hakkai a moment. We stood shoulder to shoulder.  
"Just to be clear, dude. I do _not_ love you."

"Yes, no, of course not… I don't love you either."

"I mean, sure, you're a cool guy, and stuff, but I wouldn't say I love you."

"I don't love you either." He repeated. Then again. "I don't…"

When some silence had passed, I hooked my arm around his shoulder and began to walk, "C'mon, we better make sure _this_ dude's not gonna' turn on us next."

We spent a couple hours digging around in what was left of the theater, looking for the Hallmarks of Discord. At first, I couldn't help complaining a little. I really didn't see how they could have survived through everything that happened, especially the book and the flower. The medallion was so small, I doubted we'd just stumble across it somewhere; I thought the only thing we might possibly find would be the dagger, because it was pretty sturdy, and who knew what it was made of. Whatever it was, it didn't seem flammable or breakable. Hakkai and Gen-Tang seemed pretty cheerful too, and they wouldn't let me go home. Hakkai kept calling me over to show me some knick knack he'd found, and no matter how stupid it was, it always distracted me long enough to keep me from leaving, and anytime I sat down to smoke, hoping they'd just leave me alone and look for the crap themselves, Gen-Tang would say, "Now, now, Sha Gojyo, don't get discouraged. See this thing through the end, won't you?"

After a few hours had passed, we'd finally moved enough stuff around to start finding things. Hakkai found the Wizard's Medallion hanging off a nail in a chunk of wall that was still standing, and then Gen-Tang unearthed the Enchanted Flower, sitting in a small hole and shielded by a pile of sandbags and half-torched curtains, almost like someone set it down there and buried it to keep it from getting hurt. It was swaying and singing happily.

I figured, if the flower made it, the book probably did too, and I stopped whining as much, and I even wound up having fun with it. Hakkai and me screwed around a lot, shoving each other and throwing crap at each other and chasing each other around the crater Wu's explosion had made. Every now and then Gen-Tang would scold us and tell us to watch where we were stepping, but it was kinda' half-hearted, like he didn't mind letting us be kids, even when we were supposed to be doing something important.

"You gotta' daughter our age, huh?" I asked after the two of us had settled down a little, and me and Hakkai were rooting around a bookshelf that had fallen down. I didn't even realize Dasha had a bookshelf—I guess it must have been upstairs where I never went. I didn't want to know what kind of books that sick fuck was into.

"I do have a daughter."

I hadn't thought about that ever since we first met him, but she was the one who'd taken us to meet him in the first place. "Yeah. I remember her being pretty cute—bet you're happy."

Gen-Tang gave me a disapproving scowl, "My daughter's too young for you to go fooling around with, boy. Mind your mouth."

"Hey, I don't mean nothin' by it. She's-"

"A man's daughter is nothing to speak lightly of."

I grinned at him, "Yeah, yeah, my bad, pops."

He didn't answer, but his expression lightened up.

"Gojyo." Hakkai nudged me. "Look."

I glanced down to where he was pointing, saw the aged, leather cover of the Book of the Ancients, covered in dust. "No shit?"

Hakkai started to dig it up, carefully, pulling other, less fortunate books out of the way and piling them to the side, and before long, he had the Book of the Ancients in hand. "Remarkable. It's not so much as singed. See?"

I took it from him, turning it over in my hands, but he was right. It was in perfect condition. Aside from being really, freaking old, anyway.

Gen-Tang took it from me immediately, "It's about time you returned this to me, boys. Six months of chasing this thing around—my people will think I've died by this time."

We both stood up, dusting ourselves off, "So, you goin' home now?"

"No, not until all five Hallmarks are found. Now let's hurry. The sun is starting to set."

I hadn't even noticed how late it was getting, and we still had one more thing to find.

The Ruby Dagger was next. I found it lying at the bottom of the crater, probably right where Wu had been standing when he exploded, half-covered in ashes and black dirt, knelt to pull it up out of the ground. That was a little harder than I expected it to be, since it seemed to be embedded in the burnt earth, but when I finally got it loose, it was perfect, just like everything else.

For a moment, I stared into it, my scarred face staring back out at me. It was incredible to me, everything I'd gone through to get this stupid knife, and all the pain it had caused me.

"…_I must warn you that the Ruby Dagger will cause one of you a great misfortune."_

Guess it was me. Tai was dead thanks to this whole thing, and if that wasn't a misfortune, maybe I didn't even know what the word meant.

"_Take it, but remember my warning, and know also, … sometimes the prize we long for is not what we need—be aware of what you have already, and do not sacrifice it for things you cannot get back."_

Part of me wondered if maybe Ash-Calder really did know what was going to happen when I brought the dagger to Dasha. It seemed like he had known a lot of things. In the end, I really almost had sacrificed what was in front of me to find something—someone—I'd probably never get to see again.

I realized Hakkai was standing over my shoulder. "Do you regret it?"

"Dunno'." I twirled the knife around in one hand. It was a little heavy and clumsy, not like my switchblade. _Jien's_ switchblade. I wondered where that went anyway.

Maybe I'd find it here somewhere.

"I guess I…just wish everything could have played out differently."

He offered me his hand, and I let him pull me up. "Yes, I know what you mean. The two of us went through a lot over the course of everything. Still…we mustn't forget the things we gained in the face of all that we lost. After all, if it weren't for Dasha and his psychotic mission, I doubt the two of us would have become friends at all."

That was just six or seven months ago—I was a little shaky on the time frame after being in the hospital for so long and having so many days blur together—weird to think how different life had been back then, without him.

Suddenly, I realized that I'd been living a bleak, meaningless life, and some silly, stupid, little part of me, really hoped I'd get to keep Hakkai around for a long time.

Then, for some reason, as I was looking at him, I felt something strange growing inside of me—I'd felt it before in my life, but just a handful of times. When I was a kid, I used to feel it for Jien, this feeling I couldn't express and didn't really have a name for. Since Jien left, I hadn't felt it for years and years. In fact, the first time I felt it again after Jien was gone was when Hakkai and me ripped off the Wizard's Medallion at Wu Manor. When we stood together at the bottom of that hill, and he told me to take care of myself, and he called me by name and smiled at me…

I'd been feeling it more and more after that. Like the first time he told me we were friends, and again on the night of my birthday, after our argument, just before Banri came. I felt it really strongly when I spent the night in his dorm, after Dasha kicked the shit out of me, but even then, I didn't have a name for what I was feeling. It was something I'd never really experienced before.

Today, when we were facing Wu, the whole time—from the second we all walked into the theater, to the second we sat up and looked around and saw that the theater was gone—all I could think about was how I didn't want anything to happen to Hakkai, and how I'd do anything I had to, anything at all, to make sure nothing did.

What kind of feeling was that?

_Maybe…_

I thought about what Gen-Tang told us, about being shielded from the blast, and I wondered if he was right.

I looked at Hakkai a while longer, and he was just watching me back, waiting for me to say something, and then it just hit me, a thought falling into my head like a raindrop falling into a bucket full of water.

_I really love him._

It freaked me out. I mean, what the hell was love anyway? Wasn't it about sex and women and shit like that? That was the only thing I knew about love. If I was thinking 'I love Hakkai' didn't that make me gay?

Maybe not. I didn't feel like I wanted to fuck him or anything like that—I hadn't felt that way ever, not even when I'd slept in his bed with him—and it's not like I was _attracted_ to him.

But…

_But damn. I feel like I love him._

No explaining that one.

"Gojyo?"

"Yeah. Sorry. Um. I guess you're right—we wouldn't." I smirked at him.

"Here. Before I forget." He reached into his back pocket, got out Jien's switchblade. "I've been meaning to give this to you for some time now."

I practically threw the Ruby Dagger down as I reached for it, "Sonnova bitch! Where'd you find this?"

"I picked it up the day we fought Dasha here. I thought…one of us could use it… I didn't mean to keep it for so long. Forgive me."

I flipped the blade open to look at it. It was all sparkly and clean, and it looked like it had been sharpened, "Did you clean it?"

"Mmhm. There was quite a bit of blood on it by the time I was done with Dasha."

I gaped at him, "This is what you used to kill Dasha?"

"It was the only weapon I had on me at the time. At any rate, this means you played a role in ridding the world of that maniac after all, doesn't it?"

"Heh. You're just sayin' that to be nice, 'Kai."

"Not at all."

"Listen, kid." I hooked my arm around his neck, "You're the guy that killed Dasha. The only guy. Don't shortchange what you did."

Hakkai laughed a little, putting his own arm around my neck, "Oh, very well then. I'll have to bear the shame of his blood alone forever, shall I?"

"Dude, don't even." I looked at him seriously, "I mean, I know you probably never wanted to kill anyone and shit like that, and I'm really sorry I roped you into all this, but don't feel too bad. You kinda' saved my life."

"That's rather extreme, don't you think?"

"No, man. You did. Even if this whole thing had worked out ideally, the way I wanted it to, that ass was never gonna' let me leave An Jin. Thanks to you, I can go wherever I want and be my own person again."

Hakkai smiled, slapped me on the back, "In that case, think nothing of it."

Arms still around each other, we made our way back to Gen-Tang, who was waiting at the edge of the theater for us.

"Just don't go _too_ far." Hakkai said.

"What're you kidding? I'm not goin' anywhere—not right away at least—you and me are gonna' have a fucking blast now that that dipshit is gone. You might as well forget all about studying during your free time, 'cause I ain't giving you a moment's peace."

"Ah, I might have known."

"Don't worry. I'll still let ya' see Kanan though."

"There was never any question about _that_ Gojyo. Even _you_ wouldn't be able to keep me away from her."

I flicked ashes off my cigarette, considered again the fact that they had the same family name, but in the end, I didn't care what their deal was, and it wasn't my business. If Hakkai had to have Kanan around to smile and laugh and be happy, that was good enough for me.

"That seems to be everything." Gen-Tang said when we were beside him again.

"What happens now?" I asked, keeping my eyes on the hallmarks, half-expecting them to come to life again, but they seemed really ordinary right then.

Gen-Tang slid the messenger bag off his shoulder and knelt down, beginning to pack everything up, "I'll take them and return them to their respective places; the two of you shouldn't have to worry about them anymore."

I glanced at Hakkai, and then back at Gen-Tang. "Um. Okay, but hey, how do we know _you're_ not gonna' try and use them next?"

He stood up again, looking almost irritated, "I told you already that being immortal is nothing but a burden. Why would I want to bring such a curse upon myself? Furthermore, I doubt I would be any more successful at using them than Wu or Dasha was. Now hand that here."

I looked down at the dagger, but I didn't give it to him. I still felt nervous. This was the last piece of the puzzle, and twice now when I'd handed it to someone, just because they talked like they knew something I didn't, it had gotten me in a lot of trouble. Gen-Tang had been acting like he was on our side, but what if he'd just been waiting for his opportunity to get his hands on this shit, like everyone else?

"Gojyo." He said calmly, "I appreciate that you're finally taking your responsibility to these things seriously, but I have no intention of betraying either of you now."

I still didn't hand it to him.

Gen-Tang waited a moment longer before adding, even quieter, "I understand your reluctance after everything that's happened, but if you can't trust anyone, you'll always live your life alone."

I smirked at him, suddenly, "Thanks for the advice, pops, but I think I'll take this thing back to where it belongs myself."

Our gazes locked a long time, and then he finally smiled back, "Well. If that's really what you plan to do, I can't complain. Mt. He-Ping is a long way in the wrong direction for me anyway."

With that, he slung the bag back over his shoulder, "You two look after yourselves."

"We certainly will." Hakkai answered cheerfully, "And you as well, sir."

Gen-Tang gave us both one more smile, and for some reason, I got the weirdest feeling that he was just a little bit impressed with us, and then he turned and walked away, rounded a corner, and was out of sight.

Hakkai and me messed around a little longer in the ruins. I looked around for any sign of Tai, but she was really gone, not even a scrap of her clothing left, and then we left and started walking up the hill, discussing plans to take the dagger back to Ash-Calder along the way. Hakkai said it would be best to take it back as soon as we possibly could, and I didn't want to keep it in my flat for very long either, so we agreed to go the next morning, and then, we parted ways.

I kept my eyes open for any of Dasha's boys on my way home, but the streets seemed really peaceful for once, and I even relaxed a little. It was like a huge shadow had finally lifted off my life, and I could just be.

At home, all the lights were off, and the place was still a dump, but Banri wasn't around. I felt like I hadn't been there in forever—I guess, in a way, I hadn't been—and I'd even missed it there a little.

I touched my stomach, where the bullet had ripped through me, but it didn't even hurt now, and I was pretty sure I was going to be all right.

When I got inside, I wrapped the Ruby Dagger up in a clean rag and tucked it under my bed, and then I tidied up a little, even though I wasn't sure why I felt like I should. The place had always been a dump, and I'd never cared before. When I was done with that, and my half of the living room was clean, I ate some of the garbage I found in the fridge, laid down on my lumpy, little cot, and fell asleep.

The next day was great. When I got up, I felt really good: free and happy and safe, more than I'd ever felt before in my life, maybe, and as I was walking to meet Hakkai, the air was fresh and clean and cool. It made me feel like I was starting over with a brand new, clean slate.

When I met Hakkai on the hillside, he looked as happy and relieved as I felt, smiling this big smile, eyes brighter than usual. He had a big, heavy backpack with him, which I didn't worry about at all, since I was positive he'd done a better job packing than I had the first time we'd gone.

I took a moment to eat the breakfast he brought me, and then we set out.

The walk didn't seem as long this time, and it was definitely more fun. We were in the middle of nowhere, with no one to frown at us or shake their heads or tell us to be quiet or say that a human and a hanyou shouldn't be friends, so we yelled and screamed and laughed as loud as we could, wrestled and chased each other and play fought the whole way there. I had never seen Hakkai laugh so much—he almost seemed like a completely different person—I wanted to think it had something to do with me, but I already knew that it was because of Kanan. I teased him a little about getting laid, and he put up with it like a saint.

We ate lunch beside a stream and even wound up taking a short nap there before continuing with our climb up the mountain. At night, Hakkai lit a fire and cooked some of the food he'd packed, and then, when we were done eating, we played some cards until I was about to go crazy from losing to him. For the second time in our lives, we stretched out on the side of the mountain, side by side, and looked at the stars, but it was better this time. I didn't feel like bitching about life anymore. Nothing was hanging over my head now—nothing that hadn't been there since the second I was born. I fell asleep feeling genuinely happy.

In the morning, we ate breakfast and kept moving, and just a little after noon, we were on top of the peak again.

It was still pretty frosty there, but it wasn't as cold. The thin, crisp air made me feel alive.

The two of us climbed up to where Ash-Calder's cave was supposed to be, and stopped.

The cave was gone, like someone had come along and plastered new rock over it, not leaving so much as a seam to indicate where the entrance had been, but the white tree was growing there still, and my pack that I'd left before was sitting in the snow, looking wet and faded.

"What the hell?" I ran my hands along the stone, but it felt solid.

"I suppose this means…"

"We didn't _imagine_ it, right?"

"No, of course not."

I paced back and forth a few times.

"What are you going to do, Gojyo?"

I stopped to look down at the Ruby Dagger, which was still wrapped up, dry and clean. It miffed me that I wasn't going to get the satisfaction of knowing that I'd brought it back to its rightful place. "I don't think I should keep it." I mumbled.

"Nor do I."

"But…I'm responsible for it."

I heard him laughing, turned to look at him, "What?"

"You surprise me sometimes, that's all."

"I just don't think I should leave it all unattended and stuff."

"No, of course not. However, in this case, it might be more responsible to leave it behind than it would be to take it with you for the rest of your life. Regardless of the fact that it's been entrusted to you, temporarily, I don't think you're especially suited to guarding it forever."

I turned it over in my hands. Considering that it had almost cost me my best friend—twice—I didn't even think I could stand to carry it around with me for the rest of my life. "Right."

So I did the only thing I could think of. I got the tattered, holey blanket out of the pack I'd left, I folded the Ruby Dagger into it. I walked to the edge of the cliff, and Hakkai watched me.

Below me, the valley was beautiful, deep and dark and rich, full of emerald green trees and covered in pure, white powder. A peaceful, little breeze was blowing—it smelled like pine needles and earth—and I could practically taste the wildness and the purity of the mountains. All of it made me feel really small and unimportant.

I held onto the dagger for a couple more seconds.

"Good riddance." I cocked back and chucked it as far as I could, hurling it down into the valley, and then we watched it fall away and disappear into the treeline.

I lit a cigarette, grinning, turned back to Hakkai, and slung my arm around his neck, "Let's go."

He laughed a little, "You did your best, I suppose. The Ice God will just have to settle for that."

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean? I didn't see a drop box anywhere, did you, Hakkai?"

"No. There's not so much as a welcome mat up here."

"All the more reason to get the hell off this mountain. I'm cold."

"Yes, I'm sure. You still don't have a coat, after all."

"Maybe I'll go steal one tomorrow. That reminds me, what are _you_ doing tomorrow, Hakkai?"

"Oh, class. Studying. Seeing Kanan perhaps. The usual. Life seems uncommonly peaceful all the sudden."

I grinned to myself at that. "It does, doesn't it? Anyway, some time, later this week, you and me should go play cards somewhere, make a little pocket money—I'm totally broke."

"Very well, that sounds acceptable. Allow me to get my affairs in order, and then I'll come and see you. Perhaps on Sunday or Monday."

"'Kay, cool. Um, your school's not gonna' throw a fit about it, are they?"

"Who could say? At this point, they're all quite frantic with dealing with the death of the chairman, and in any case, I can't say that I particularly care anymore."

It was my turn to laugh, "That's the spirit, smiley. Live fast, die young, and do whatever the fuck you feel like in the meantime."


	21. Chapter 21

**I wrote this outside of Teenage Wasteland, as sort of a separate ending idea, but then I liked it so much, I wanted to stick it in the story, which meant I had to change some things about the ending. Not that any of it matters! I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.**

**One Perfect Day**

"Gojyo-kun, you're blowing smoke in my face." Kanan hissed, waving her hand in front of her nose.

I tucked my cigarette into the opposite corner of my mouth, but kept my eyes fixed on the garden path. "That better?"

"No. I'm downwind."

Finally, I glanced at her. Normally if people told me my smoking bothered them, I told them to shut up and go to hell, or that they didn't have to hang out with me, but this was Kanan.

A glance turned into a stare right away. She'd put her caramel-colored hair back in a long, messy braid and her bangs were falling in her face, shadowing her eyes, which were so deep and dazzling, I was starting to think they were even greener than Hakkai's were. Today she was wearing a lavender top that almost showed her cleavage, and a knee-length, brown skirt. It was the same modest, drab crap she always wore, the kind of drab crap a really pretty girl like Kanan had no business wearing—it was the kind of crap a really pretty girl like Kanan would only wear if she'd grown up not having a daddy or a big brother or a boyfriend or _somebody_ to tell her every day exactly how pretty she really was—the kind of crap a girl who'd grown up in an orphanage would wear. Still, somehow, Kanan made drab and modest clothes seem cute and enticing. Like, what was really under that boring, almost gray top? How far would she have to bend over before I got a peek at the twins? What color was her bra? Her panties? Was she even wearing any of that stuff? She was crouched on the ground next to me, and her skirt had rode half-way up her thigh already, and I couldn't help taking a long look at her bare leg.

She hit my arm, kind of harder than you'd expect a girl like her to hit, "Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?" I grinned, "I'm just thinking about how we can fix the problem."

Kanan just scowled at me. "Just keep your eyes to yourself." And she adjusted her skirt. She waved the smoke out of her face again. "Gojyo-kun. Your cigarette."

"Fine, look, I know what we'll do. Let's switch places." We took a second to rearrange so she was upwind of my smoke, then pressed close into the bush we were hiding behind.

Kanan sat up and leaned over my shoulder to look too, and I could smell her, something a little bit like vanilla and cinnamon—calm, with a hint of spice, and super sweet, just like her—her caramel hair fell across my neck, and I could hear her soft breath, "Do you see him?"

"No." I shook my head, trying to concentrate on something other than how close together we were. "You sure he's gonna' be here?"

"Of course. He always walks over here at this time of day. I'd find it extremely unlikely for him to neglect to do so, seeing how I believe it's only personal time he takes for himself these days."

"Of course." I said, in an imitation of Hakkai's voice, "I concur. Naturally he'd never so much as _conceive_ altering his daily, boring routine."

"Are you making fun of me?"

"Naturally, Miss Kanan, _I_ would never _conceive_ teasing you." I tried to hide my grin and give her as serious a look as I could manage.

She whapped my ponytail, deepening her voice as much as she could. "Oh, shut up. Know what? It's like, you're always sucha' brat, dude. Why you gotta' be like that?"

I laughed so hard, I almost fell over.

Kanan laughed for a moment too, and then she put a finger to her lips and hissed, "Shhhh! He'll hear you."

We covered our mouths and laughed as quietly as we could for another two minutes, until my sides started to ache, and then I finally caught my breath and was quiet again. Good thing too, because when there was silence, I could hear someone walking carefully along the path, taking their time.

I turned to mouth the words, 'hear he comes' at her.

She nodded.

We waited.

The garden was cool and still, the trees were bare from winter, and the grass was dead and ugly yellow, the ground we were crouching on a little wet. The only cover we'd been able to find was a clump of thick, evergreen bushes, and we'd been sitting there for about fifteen minutes, so if he didn't come soon, I might just get bored and go look for him.

Luckily, the footsteps were drawing closer, still taking their time, and I was pretty sure it was him. Even if it wasn't, I was going to pounce on whoever came around that corner next, I didn't care if it was professor Hyoka himself.

"So slow." I muttered.

"Be patient." Kanan murmured in my ear.

Another second. I took an anxious drag off my cigarette.

Hakkai came around the corner and stopped, taking a deep breath, and then there was a split second where he turned to look right at us, "What are you-"

"Surprise!" I sprang to my feet and tackled him to the ground, and we went rolling through the garden together, head over heels, grass, twigs and dead leaves flying everywhere. I pinned him and sat astride him, raised both fists to the sky, and shouted, "Hell-freakin-yeah! And you didn't even see it coming!"

Hakkai laid there a moment, looking stunned, with twigs and blades of yellow grass in his hair, glasses crooked, and I must have knocked the wind out of him, because he wasn't breathing.

Behind me, Kanan was laughing, "Oh no! Gojyo-kun, I told you _not_ to tackle him!"

When the moment had passed, Hakkai shoved me off, "He never listens to anyone, Kanan." He sat up, brushing at his clothes, "I see you got grass stains on my freshly-cleaned uniform. You also disrupted my otherwise peaceful walk, so I hope this little sneak attack is of value, Gojyo."

Grinning still, I got up, grabbed his wrist and hauled him to his feet, "Just came to bust you outta' your boring routine."

"You shouldn't have." He paused from brushing himself off to glare at me, "For three reasons. One: your injuries haven't fully healed yet, so you should not be wrestling around like this. Two: you're not supposed to be on campus, especially not after everything that happened. And most importantly, three: I have a lot of studying to accomplish today, so you've wasted your time." He turned to Kanan when he was finished, and his expression lightened up a little, like just the sight of her was comforting and encouraging and wonderful to him—an angel stepping down to earth wouldn't have been anywhere as great—but he still didn't smile.

Giggling, Kanan came over to join us, "Don't be angry, Hakkai-chan. We waited a long time for you, and neither you nor I have class today, so I think it would be all right to have some fun, don't you agree?"

"Don't encourage him, Kanan; that's the last thing he needs. And you." He looked at me again, "Please don't drag Kanan into your antics."

"It was_ her_ idea, Hakkai."

"It was _her_ idea to lie in wait for me out here and then spring on me at the most unexpected moment?"

"Yeah. Except for the springing part… I improvised a little."

"I find that all very hard to believe."

"Oh, but it's true." Kanan interrupted with a laugh, "Gojyo ran into me just outside of Cheng, and we decided it might be pleasant if all three of us spent a little time together, so I suggested we come here and surprise you. Though, I didn't suggest the tackling aspect." She gave me a scolding look, but it was about as insincere as it could get, "That was uncalled for, Gojyo-kun."

I shrugged and smirked at Hakkai. "Anyway, what should we do now?"

"You should go home." Hakkai answered shortly, "And I should get back to my dorm to finish studying—I was idiotic to leave it in the first place I see—I have a great deal of work to catch up on."

"Oh, c'mon, man, don't be like that-"

"You won't coerce me into changing my mind this time, Gojyo, because frankly, I can't afford to fall any further behind."

He really sounded pretty serious, and I wondered what was up with him. He looked annoyed today. Was it my fault? Maybe I pissed him off, attacking him out of nowhere like that. I guess if he was already in a bad mood, getting tackled wouldn't have made it better.

I nodded and started to tell him he was right, when I suddenly felt Kanan's hand on my arm, "Be reasonable, Hakkai-chan. It won't hurt to pay a _little_ attention to him, will it? I know we don't want to spoil him, by any means, but neglecting him could be almost as bad." She sounded dead-serious too, but I was starting to get used to the way these kids told jokes. I don't know how they both wound up with that warped, weird-ass sense of humor.

Hakkai must not have been in the mood for any kind of joke, because he was not moved. He shook his head at her, and then met my gaze again, "I'm sorry, but I really do have a lot to get done this week if I want to pass my classes. You understand that, right?"

I understood that he'd only fallen behind because I'd made him run all over the countryside, collecting mystical shit, then gotten him roped into my mess with Dasha, and then, to top it all off, he missed a ton of class to come visit me while I was in the hospital for a month. All of that was behind us now, so all he wanted was to try to catch up on his school work. "I get it." I said. I was disappointed as hell by it, but I got it.

He added, "I'll come play with you later, when I have time."

Normally, that would be the end of it, I'd go back to An Jin, and he'd go study, and either he'd feel bad about turning me away, and come see me later tonight, or maybe tomorrow, or he'd come around when he was done studying in a few days. I could live with that. After I almost died fighting Dasha, I'd made an unspoken vow to spend as much time with Hakkai as I possibly could, but I hadn't considered the fact that he had a life, and I didn't, so I had to live with it being this way, and really, it wasn't so bad. I'd just find something else to do until then.

Before I could say goodbye, Kanan interrupted again, "Wait a moment, Hakkai-chan, can I talk to you? Stay right here, Gojyo-kun." She let go of my arm, stepped past me with the confidence of a beauty queen, grabbed onto him, and led him a few yards away, where they started whispering together.

"Why don't you want to?" She asked.

"It's as I said, Kanan—I'm terribly busy—why would I lie about such a thing?"

"Yes, but I think you can squeeze in a little time for other people, don't you?"

"Not necessarily, no."

Kanan hesitated to glance over her shoulder at me, and I turned away, quickly, pretending I was staring out into the distance, not listening to their conversation. She went on, even more quietly than before, "On the other hand…you and I have been spending a good deal of time together for the last couple of months, haven't we? I know that's what we both want, it goes without saying, and we both live here, on campus, so of course it's easy to do so. Much easier than it is to walk to An Jin."

Hakkai sighed, "Kanan…"

"It's not quite fair to see me every day and never see him."

I studied my boots. They were sort of scuffed and muddy and the left one had a hole in it. I kicked at the ground and tried fight off the feeling of embarrassment that was coming over me.

"He'll never say anything. You know him better than I do, so I don't have to tell you that, do I?"

Hakkai murmured, "No, that's true. He won't."

"Still, even if he never says anything, don't you suppose he's capable of feeling left out, or forgotten, or jealous even?"

There was a long pause, and I risked looking up from my boots to see Hakkai's guilty face.

Kanan whispered, "Aside from that… He's your best friend."

Hakkai nodded.

Their hands touched for a second, and I stared, wonderingly at Kanan. What kind of girl did that? I'd never seen a girl who'd go out of her way to guilt-trip her boyfriend into spending time with his own guy friends. Then again, I wasn't totally sure they were actually girlfriend and boyfriend. Yet.

The whole thing left me feeling a little bit idiotic. I guess it had been about a week since I'd really seen Hakkai, and I had figured he was busy with school, and I had also assumed he was spending a lot of time with his girl—hell, who wouldn't want to spend every waking second of their day with Kanan?—so I'd been denying myself the urge to walk up here and find him and talk him out of going to class, and even today, I guess, even though I'd come all the way up to Cheng, I hadn't necessarily been planning on finding him and making him skip class. I thought maybe I'd find him and talk to him for a sec, then leave him alone. I didn't plan to make him waste the whole day with me. Still, even then, the truth was, I was starting to miss him, and even though I 'got' why I hadn't seen him in like a week, I didn't _really_ get it.

Anyway, at least I was lucky enough to have a best friend who had an awesome girlfriend. She was right about one thing. I _was_ jealous, but not of how often they saw each other.

They were coming back toward me, and Hakkai's expression had mellowed a little, even though he still didn't look happy. Kanan was beaming, and they were holding hands.

"Excuse us." Kanan chirped. "Sorry to have kept you waiting."

That kind of consideration was still weird to me, so I shrugged, "'Sall right."

Hakkai said slowly, "Kanan pointed out that I don't have class today…and in all honesty, I've been doing so much work lately, she thinks I might deserve to give myself a break."

I guess he thought I hadn't overheard a word they said.

"Naw, man, that's cool. It's already my fault you're behind, so if you wanna'-"

He held up his hand, "Please. Don't make me change my mind."

This situation was starting to confuse me. Now it looked like he was going to come hang out with us just because Kanan had talked him into it, and I didn't think hanging out with him when he didn't really want to was much better than not hanging out with him at all. Besides, as far as I could tell, he was in a bad mood, which meant I was bound to rub him the wrong way, which meant we'd probably wind up in an argument. I ran my fingers back through my hair and took a swipe at my nose and tried to think of what I should do next. Maybe I should just make an excuse and go home.

_Nothing to do there._

Banri had been AWOL ever since I got home from the hospital—I didn't know if he was ever coming back-and Tai was…

_Absolutely nothing to do there._

If I went home, I might as well just go to bed and sleep away today, and tomorrow, and maybe the next few weeks, until Hakkai passed his damn classes and had some time off from school.

"What do you want to do?" Hakkai asked after a moment.

"Um. Nothing."

He raised an eyebrow at me, "Nothing?"

"Yeah. Really, I just dropped by to say hi, so I didn't have a plan on what we should do…"

His tone dropped back toward annoyance. "Gojyo."

Damn he was in a shitty mood. Now it was up to me to figure out what we should go do, while he was in a bad mood, not wanting to do anything but study.

"Let's go figure it out, I guess." I mumbled, starting to lead the way.

We left campus, and then Hakkai seemed to loosen up a little. He still seemed like he wasn't in a good mood, but at least he started talking. Kanan played around with him a little, hanging off his arm and swinging it back and forth and teasing him, and he tolerated it.

I walked on the other side of him, only interjecting every now and then, but for the most part, left him alone, because I was pretty sure I'd be harder to tolerate than Kanan was, and I was still convinced that if I started to rub him the wrong way he'd scream at me and storm off.

After a little time had passed, he seemed to notice I was being quiet and turned to talk to me, "Are you all right?"

"Yeah. Are you?"

"Mm. I suppose." He frowned and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

I almost asked him what was wrong, but thought better of it. The last time I asked him what was wrong, he told me, and then I said every wrong thing possible, and it got us into a huge fight, which made me think I probably sucked at the moral support bit, so I should leave it to people who got it. Like Kanan. She could figure out what was wrong with Hakkai, later, if she wanted, and probably even fix it.

I still hadn't thought of anything for us to do, so we kept walking through Cheng. Kanan and I laughed and talked, but Hakkai kept acting moody and impatient, and sometimes I caught him looking down at his watch, like he wanted to see how much time he'd wasted so far. I tried not to worry about it. After all, I tried to tell him it would be okay to just forget it, and he'd insisted we hang out, and it wasn't my fault he didn't actually feel like it.

I just tried to make the most of it.

Cheng was smaller than An Jin, but it wasn't a village or anything like that, and it didn't have any kind of rustic, small-town feeling to it. Mostly, rich people lived there. The school was sort of on the outskirts of town, with the business district, where all the little shops and restaurants and cafes were. As far as I knew, there were only one or two good bars, and neither of them were dives, like I liked going into, so there wasn't much of a night scene. The whole place shut down around nine, and then you were lucky if you could find a place to get a cup of coffee. Not that it mattered. In the summer, the place was hopping with tourists, crowds of them, so thick you could barely elbow your way through. All of that made me hate Cheng, even more than I hated An Jin—I could handle the shitty, lowlife, criminal, big-city vibe of Jin, but I didn't like the preppy, snooty atmosphere of Cheng. Before I met Hakkai, I made it a point to stay out of this place.

Past the business district was the residential area, and that was _really_ swanky. I don't think there was a soul living in Cheng who didn't make bank doing something, and if there was, it was just because they were living off a trust fund or early retirement, or whatever. The neighborhoods were pristine and clean, even in the middle of the winter, they were strangely green, and now, in the spring, most of the trees were already blooming with leaves and flower buds. In Jin, everything was still flat, dead gray. The houses in Cheng were huge—nothing under three stories—with a few acres of land all to themselves, and fenced in with either stone walls or tall, wrought iron gates. Hell, even the roads were fancy—they were paved with brick, and there were elegant lamplights at regular intervals, as far as the eye could see. The road was hedged with bushes and small, leafy trees, so a lot of the time, I couldn't even see the houses that were past the fences and gates. I didn't need to though. When I'd first moved to Jin, I'd come up here, out of curiosity, and did my share of breaking and entering and trespassing until I was sure it was just as stuck-up as it looked around here.

"Man, I hate this place." I took a deep breath. There was a fresh, sweet smell in the air.

"I think it's beautiful." Kanan argued, "How can you hate it?"

"Oh, yeah, it's _pretty_, I guess. Anyway, I dunno' how you guys can stand to live here."

Kanan gave me a questioning look, "It's a nice place." She said it so sincerely, I almost wanted to believe Cheng really was nice and worth living in, rich people, or no rich people.

Before I could even start to work on changing my mind though, Hakkai explained, "He hates rich people. That's what he's talking about. Actually, he hates anyone who's better off than him in the slightest."

I frowned at him, trying to figure out if he was being an ass or not, but he was wearing the same impatient, annoyed expression he'd been wearing since I met him in the garden.

"With good reason." I snorted, and then I stopped on the side of the road. That sweet, fresh smell was stronger now. I took a deep breath and looked up.

We were standing under some tall trees that were already so green and leafy, you'd think it was midsummer, not early spring, and the branches were heavy with round, orange fruits that looked sort of like peaches, even though I didn't see how they possibly could be. Peaches were way out of season, and these things looked ripe and plump and perfect for picking.

They smelled delicious, and I realized how hungry I was. I hadn't eaten since last night, and even then, it was just some leftover nachos I'd gotten at the bar the night before that.

Hakkai and Kanan kept walking past me, still talking about whether or not I had any excuse for not liking rich people, and if they noticed I wasn't with them, they didn't let on.

I called after them, "Hey, you guys eaten yet?"

They both stopped to look back at me, curiously. "Not since breakfast." Kanan said.

"Gojyo." Hakkai groaned, "Please. Don't offer to buy us lunch and then expect us to dine and dash with you."

"That was only one time, Hakkai." I scowled at him.

"No matter. It was humiliating."

"Well, I wasn't gonna' say that anyway, smart ass."

"Really? In that case…I suppose we could go get something to eat—it would likely be more satisfying that wandering through town aimlessly—did you have something specific in mind?"

Without a word, I pointed up at the peaches.

They both followed my finger.

Hakkai caught on immediately, "No."

"What? Don't you want one?"

"It doesn't matter if I want one or not. Unless you're going to go around to the gate, march up to the front door of the house, knock, and ask properly if we can purchase those, I think it's out of the question. And I already know you won't do that, so you may as well forget it."

Kanan looked a little more indulgent. "What were you planning on doing, Gojyo-kun?"

"Kanan." Hakkai sighed. "Please, as I said earlier, don't encourage him."

I was barely listening to him as he started to lecture. The trees were tall and thick, the branches toward the bottom of the trunk had been cut off, probably to keep people from climbing up and stealing fruit, but there was a stone wall, a few feet taller than I was, separating us from the orchard, and if I climbed up on that, I could probably reach the lowest branch on the tree right in front of me. At last, I grinned again, "Let me show you."

We ducked down behind the wall, and I stared up at the peaches, mouth watering. It had been a while since I'd had anything worth eating—probably not since I left the hospital—and I hadn't eaten breakfast or lunch, so I was damn close to starving.

"This is a bad idea." Hakkai spoke up, disapprovingly.

"Yeah, but it ain't the worst idea I've ever had."

"That is true, but, never-the-less, I don't think that means you should go through with it."

"I have to agree with Hakkai. This is a very bad idea." Kanan said, but when I looked at her, her eyes were sparkling. Girls who grew up in orphanages obviously didn't have a lot of excitement in their lives.

Man, I suddenly felt really lucky that I hadn't grown up in an orphanage, or a foster home, or anything like that, when I very easily could have, and that made me feel brave and alive and risky, "Who wants one?"

I surged to my feet.

Hakkai grabbed my arm and jerked me back down, "Would you listen to me for once in your life, Gojyo?"

"What's the big deal? It's just some fruit."

"It isn't ours to take."

"Whatever rich bastard lives here isn't gonna' miss three measly, out of season peaches."

"Don't you ever learn?"

"Not ever." I smirked at him, wrenched loose, stood up and hopped up on the wall like it was nothing, and felt only the slightest twinge of discomfort in the leftover bullet hole in my stomach, then I reached out and grabbed the closest, branch, swung myself up into the tree, and started climbing, hand over hand.

Below me, Hakkai hissed, "Gojyo!"

Kanan was laughing just a little.

"It isn't funny." He almost snarled at her.

The laughter was cut short, then she called up, softly, "Gojyo-kun. Hakkai says it isn't funny! Get out of the tree!"

"Kanan!"

I grinned to myself, climbed up a little higher. There were plenty of peaches around me now, but they were small and they hadn't fully ripened yet, so people had probably come by and picked off the good ones at this level. If I wanted a nice, fat, juicy peach, I had to go higher.

"Gojyo!" Hakkai was almost shouting now, and when I glanced down at him, he was on his feet. "Come back down here."

"In a minute." I scanned the area to make sure no one was coming. I was high enough to see the lay of the land: a big, wide, green yard, with a four story house, and plenty of trees all around. There was a little shack just below me, probably used for storing gardening tools, or some shit, but the house and the shack were both quiet. I went up further, finally found a peach worth picking, plucked it off its branch and dropped it, "Catch!"

There was laughing and scuffling below me as they scrambled to grab it.

I dropped a couple more, and kept going higher. I still hadn't found the tree's perfect peach.

"You're going much too high." Hakkai decided.

"Ain't I something?"

"_Something_ indeed. Stop being foolish and come back."

I didn't answer him, because I had just noticed the biggest peach in the tree. It was almost all the way to top, and it was hanging out by itself, all the way at the end of a long, spindly branch. "Bingo, kiddies." I clambered up a couple more levels until I reached the right branch, and then I started to inch my way out along the branch right below it.

There was total silence on the ground for about thirty seconds, and then Hakkai snapped, "Gojyo! What are you doing?"

"I'm gonna' grab that one."

"That one? Why?"

"'Cause it looks tastey." I grinned down at him. I could see straight down Kanan's shirt, from where I was standing.

Both of them looked sort of worried now.

"You're very high up." Kanan commented, all the laughter gone from her voice. "Maybe you should reconsider."

"Naw, don't worry about it."

"You're going to fall." Hakkai told me.

Even as he spoke, I felt the branch I was standing on give way a little.

"Sh. Don't jinx it, dude." I was almost there. I was getting to the end of my branch. I reached out for the peach, but it was just at the tips of my fingers.

"Fuck."

Below me, Hakkai was pacing. "Gojyo. Gojyo, Gojyo. Listen to me, Gojyo. You got shot in the stomach not two months ago. You aren't fully recovered. You're not supposed to be doing _anything_ strenuous, let alone climbing trees. If you fall, it's going to…" He exhaled sharply. "Get. Your. Ass. _Down_. Here. Please!"

"Whoo. You actually cussed at me."

"Because you're not listening!"

"Am too."

"Just what are you trying to prove?!"

Kanan called up next, "Gojyo, I think Hakkai's right. You don't want to break your stitches or worse still, break your neck."

"Exactly! Gojyo, please! Do you want to go back to the hospital?"

I almost decided they were right. Nothing was worth going back to the hospital, and I would have started to climb back down, except that the peach was just right there, in front of my face, and if I just reached a little further…

The branch under me started to bend; I held on tight to the one above me and stretched out as far as I possibly could.

A deep, angry voice shouted, "Hey, kid! What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

I glanced down again. There was an old dude standing in the orchard below me. He had a rake or something like that, and he was dressed like a gardener.

"Come down, or I'll have you arrested."

Well, to hell with it then. The branch was about to break anyway.

With a deep breath, I lunged forward, nabbed the peach in one hand, and went tumbling toward the ground, branches scraping by me.

I heard Kanan scream.

I landed heavily, bent at the knees, and normally, it would have been a perfect landing. There was a vague burst of pain in my abdomen though, and it made me lose my footing, and I dropped to my knees.

The gardener was practically on top of me. He reached down to grab the collar of my shirt.

I jumped to my feet again and ducked away from him, laughing.

"Come here, you little shit!" he made a few more grabs at me, even swung his rake at me a couple times, and missed, by a long shot, every single time.

"Too slow, pops." I told him, took a bite out of the peach, just to piss him off, and then I was up and over the wall and back on the other side, where Hakkai and Kanan were both about to have an aneurism.

"Run!" I laughed, taking Kanan's hand, and then I was hauling ass down the road, dragging her with me, the gardener screaming behind us.

We didn't have to run too far, just took a few streets at random, and then dove off to the side of the road where there were some trees and bushes that could hide us. I was laughing so hard, I almost couldn't breathe. "Holy shit!"

The others were panting too, their eyes wide.

"Are you insane?" Kanan gasped.

"Yes!" Hakkai practically screamed, "Yes, he _is_!" he pushed past her to grab me by the shoulders and shook me, hard, "Why don't you ever listen to me? It's as if you have some sort of death wish!"

"C'mon, man." I said with a chuckle, "It's no big deal—I'm fine. Here, have a bite." I offered him the peach.

"No, thank-you." He was scowling at me.

"'Kay, fine. Me and Kanan will share it." I went over to her, held it up to her mouth, and she smiled a little and took it.

"See? This chick knows how to have some fun!" Then I burst out laughing again. I was feeling so great right then, I didn't really think about what I was doing. I was just acting. I grabbed her around the waist, "Yeah Kanan!?" Then I spun her around and around a few times, our hair and clothes flying, and she screamed and laughed, until I was dizzy, had to drop her, and we fell down together, rolling with laughter, sort of tangled up in each other. For a split second, I was face to face with her, and her eyes were gorgeous. I felt the urge to kiss her.

Immediately, Kanan turned away, sitting up to look at Hakkai. She giggled, nervously, almost, tucked some hair behind her ear, and took another bite of the peach I'd almost died to get.

Hakkai glared at both of us for a long, long time without saying a word, and I got the feeling he was way angrier than he was letting on. Beyond that though, I could sense that he was hurt. A second later, it hit me that I probably shouldn't have done any of the things I just did.

I sat up too, "Hak-"

"Please excuse me." He turned away, pushed his way out of the trees, and stormed back up to the road, just like I knew he would.

Kanan and I looked at each other. Her expression was very serious, and she murmured, "That was too much, Gojyo-kun."

"I was just-"

"Caught up in the moment? I know. But…"

I sighed. "I like you. I can't help it."

"I like you too. But I don't like you like that."

"No." I looked away. "'Course not."

"Why 'of course not'?"

I snorted and smiled bitterly, "Why would you?" She was pretty much perfect, and I was imperfect by definition.

Kanan grabbed my chin, and I wasn't expecting it, so I think I gasped out loud, but I can't say for sure, because then I was looking her in the eyes again, and I was lost there immediately, "Perhaps because you're cute and fun and humorous and brave and very, very sweet."

I stared at her.

She smiled.

I wasn't prone to blushing, but damn if I didn't feel my face getting kind of hot.

It all lasted for just a second, and then she let go of me, took another bite of the peach, stood up, and walked off, the opposite direction Hakkai had gone.

After a second or two, I got up too, and I went after him.

Luckily, he didn't go very far. He was just standing at the other side of the road, staring out into space.

I lit a cigarette and picked my over to him, sighing. We stood next to each other, not saying anything for a while. Finally, I got the guts to say, "Look, man-"

"Don't bother. Just don't."

"Yeah. That's what I thought…"

We were quiet a little longer.

I tried again, "Don't be mad, 'kay, 'Kai?"

"Don't '_Kai_ me right now. And don't expect me to not be angry."

"Hakkai." I turned to try to look him in the eyes, but he wouldn't look back at me, and he was frowning really deeply.

"I asked you not to." Was all he said.

I blinked. "What?"

"The tree. The peach. You're an idiot. I asked you not to. Do you think I do things like that because I'm a control freak? Do you think I just want to crush each and every opportunity to have fun? I'm sorry I'm so boring and responsible and mature—I never had parents, so I had to be my own parent, and now it seems I'm doomed to be _yours_ as well—but I don't say things like 'don't climb the tree' just out of some sense of wanting to be in charge, I say things like that because you and I almost got _killed_ over you having stupid ideas like climbing the tree to steal a peach!"

"Woah, woah, woah, chill out. You're mad about that?"

"That?! You could have broken your legs, or your arm, or your back, or God-forbid, your neck!"

"C'mon." I laughed, "You're not really mad about-"

He turned to face me full-on, eyes flashing, "You don't think so?"

He looked so pissed off, I was taken aback, and I couldn't say anything for another minute or so.

"Let's take a trip down memory lane, shall we? Dasha says 'go get these strange things for me', and I say 'this is a terrible idea', and _you _say, 'who cares what Hakkai thinks? Let's go for it anyway'. Six months later, we both come a hair's breadth from dying. So maybe, when I say, 'don't climb the peach tree, for the love of God, _don't_', you should _listen to me_!"

"Dude!" I grabbed his shoulders, a little harshly, "Relax! I'm okay!"

"By some miracle!"

"I knew what I was doing. It wasn't even a very tall-"

"He shot you in the stomach right in front of me!" His voice sounded desperate and close to cracking, and then I got that this wasn't about the tree. This was about a lot of things, but _not_ the tree.

Slowly, I let go of him, sighed, and raked the hair back from my face. I threw my cigarette down, half-smoked. "I'm sorry all that happened. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you, and I'm sorry I almost got myself killed, being an idiot. I'm _really_ sorry I almost got you and Kanan killed. I wish I'd listened to you on day one, Hakkai…but that shit all really happened, and we have to live with it. And you can't protect me from every little thing from now on, no matter how much you want to, and even if you try, you can't erase what happened. I'm still going to do what I want to do, and I'm still going to live how I want to live."

"Go ahead then!" he snapped, "Do whatever you want with no regard to my feelings whatsoever!"

"That isn't what I mean, Hakkai. I'm not doing things regardless of how you feel… I'm just an idiot. If I knew what everything meant to you or how much it meant to you, I wouldn't do that shit. But I don't always know what's a big deal and what's not."

"Because you don't seem to think anything is a big deal."

"I'm really used to being on my own. Stuff like this is normal to me."

He shook his head and looked away.

"I'm sorry. I don't wanna' upset you."

"You never should have gone."

"I know."

He never responded.

After another minute, I said, "Hey, about Kanan…"

"Never mind that." He sighed, "I suppose I just can't help feeling jealous, all things considered, but…it's obvious that the two of you like each other…"

His voice was like steel—he didn't want me to even start guessing at the emotions in it.

"No, Hakkai. It's really obvious that the two of _you_ like each other."

He glanced over at me.

"I'm not gonna' lie, she's really great, but…I'm a total womanizer."

He considered that a while before saying anything. "You are, aren't you?"

It was barely a question.

"I'm not trying to flirt with her or take her from you or get between you guys. She likes you, and you like her, and I'm sorry if I did anything today that made you feel like I'm after her, 'cause if you want her, I'm not gonna' touch her."

His face finally relaxed a little, and I could see the anger taking a back seat.

For the first time all day, I felt comfortable with resting my arm against his shoulder, "Hey, what's wrong with you today anyway, kid? You seem beyond miffed."

"It's nothing. Just the stress of school and some post-traumatic shock, I'm sure."

"Yeah?"

"I'm just not in a very good mood." He sighed, "I wanted to apologize though, for not seeing you this past week. I have been busy."

"I know. It's not a big deal."

"I think it's a bigger deal that you'd ever dare to admit to. After everything that happened, I'm not totally unaware that you've likely been a bit lost, or perhaps even slightly down. There's really no excuse for me not being around for you."

I couldn't stop the smile that broke out on my face.

He did a double-take of me. "What?"

"Nothin'. You're just too damn great." Then I slung both arms around his neck and squeezed until the wound in my stomach started to throb.

A 'bit' lost and 'slightly' down was just the beginning of how I'd been feeling, seeing how Tai was dead, and Banri was nowhere to be found, and everything was different. I guess I figured no one would have noticed. Go figure he did.

_I'm so fucking lucky._

Hakkai took a moment to respond, like maybe what I said confused him, then he slowly returned the embrace, pounding my back lightly, "Well, I don't know about that, especially after what I just told you."

"Right." I laughed, letting him go, "Don't worry about it, man, I've been okay, even without you around to cheer me up." I said it kind of flippantly, I guess, but the truth was, it was easier to feel good when I was with him. It was easier to ignore my heritage and my hardships and make the most of my shitty, little life, and it was easier not to think about Tai being dead or to keep from feeling lonely. Even if I couldn't be with him every second of the day—because let's face it, that would get really old after a little while—it was still good to know he was out there, and that he gave a shit about me. I had to believe that he did now, after the things we'd gone through and the stuff he'd done for me. I'd have to be a total idiot not to see that I must matter to him somehow.

He sure mattered a helluva lot to me. Probably more than anyone else did or ever had, and I remembered how I'd felt standing there, after Wu died, and how I'd suddenly felt like I loved him. I still didn't get it really, but in a way, I wanted to tell him I felt that way. I'm sure if I did though, he'd laugh at me or think I was gay and keep his distance, or some shit. I didn't think I could come out and say 'I love you' to him, not when I didn't actually understand what love was.

It was confusing to even think about any of that, so I just let it go and scraped the hair out of my face, still laughing a little.

Hakkai watched me for a moment, and then he finally smiled back at me, "If you say so, Gojyo. Still, it would be nice to be doing better than okay, wouldn't it?"

I locked my hands behind my head and grinned at him, "Today's pretty great."

He just smiled and slipped his arm around my neck. "Come on. Let's find Kanan and go get something to eat; after all, I'm still hungry, and I don't expect a few peaches to feed us all."

"You payin'?"

"It wouldn't surprise me if I wound up paying. Why? Does that bother you?"

"Eh. I'll let it slide."

We found Kanan a little ways down the road, watching us approach. She smiled when we were closer and put her hands on her hips, "Did you two kiss and make up?"

Hakkai took his arm off me, and I snorted, "Don't be jealous, Kanan—I saw him first."

She just laughed and took Hakkai's hand, and the three of us walked back up the road, down toward the business district.

After that, Hakkai acted like he was in a little better of a mood. He was smiling and laughing more, and he stopped checking his watch, so I relaxed and teased him about this and that, and sometimes Kanan joined me. He had a sharper tongue than both of us put together, and every now and then he came up with a comeback that left us sort of speechless, but he never stopped smiling, so I figured we weren't bothering him too much.

We had lunch at a place that was kind of fancy—way too fancy for my tastes—but the food was good, and Kanan and Hakkai split the bill, and I tried not to feel too much like a bum.

"You were in the hospital for a while." Hakkai said while he was signing for his card, "It's understandable if you're a little low on money."

"I've had time to make it up since then…" I didn't want to admit that I'd just been hanging out at my place, alone, and sleeping a lot, staying off the radar and trying not to think about how I'd gotten Tai killed. It's not like I was depressed or anything, it's just that I'd had enough excitement for one year.

"You can get the bill next time." He teased. We both knew that would probably never happen. I wouldn't be surprised if it was like this for the rest of the time we knew each other—him always paying for shit, and me always being a bum and never contributing. Someday, I wanted to make that up to him somehow, but I didn't know if I'd ever be able to. He was going to graduate school and get a good job, and I was probably going to stay right where I was, being a lowlife.

It was too nice a day for that kind of gutter thinking, so I just smirked, "Yeah, we'll see."

After that, we spent a while hanging out in Cheng; it was a pretty boring place, and there wasn't much to do, but being with Hakkai and Kanan made it fun anyway, and I was determined to shake the place up as much as I could while I was there, so I did a lot of running around and making noise and disturbing the peace, until some official, authoritarian-looking guy came and chased us off, and we had to move along. I thought that might piss Kanan and Hakkai off, but they both just laughed about it, and we went to find something else to do.

All day, that feeling kept building inside me, and no matter how much I thought about it, I just couldn't make sense of it. It had come on me so suddenly, it had been growing for so long… I'd never had a real friend before, so I didn't know how people were supposed to feel toward their friends. Part of me wondered what he'd say if I told him, but the rest of me was scared that it wouldn't go well.

Kanan went into a dress shop to look at more drab, boring clothes, and we sat down on a bench outside, because they didn't allow smoking in the shop, and waited.

We were quiet for a while, and then I finally got the guts together to say, "Hey, dude, what'dya' think…love is?"

I thought he'd laugh at me, or make some comment about my serious tone, or whatever, but he didn't even glance at me, and I noticed that he was just staring at Kanan, like she was the last person on earth.

I watched her too: the way she tucked the hair behind her ear, the way she moved and her skirt rustled, and how the light shone in her eyes when she smiled. I couldn't help staring right along with him.

"I'm afraid I don't really know." He murmured at last.

"It's just a weird feeling, right?"

"Oh, I'm sure it's more than that."

Kanan noticed us looking at her and waved a little, smiling that much more brightly. She was really beautiful.

"Yeah? Like how?"

"Well…it _is_ a feeling, but…I think it's stronger than that. I'm sorry. I've had such little experience, I'm not sure I can tell you. I just think that it's more than that."

I nodded and we watched Kanan a little longer. "Are you gonna' be with her?"

"With her? Kanan?"

"Yeah, like boyfriend-girlfriend, dating stuff."

He laughed at me, "Why? Are you jealous?"

"No. I was just thinking…if _I_ got a chance to date that girl, I'd take it in a heartbeat."

Hakkai was quiet a long moment.

"And I don't date people, so that's really saying something."

"She is wonderful, isn't she?" He said softly.

"Hell. I'm surprised you guys aren't dating right _now_."

"Oh. That…well…I suppose there are reasons for that…"

"Reasons?"

"Kanan and I…that is… I mean, as far as I know…the two of us are related."

"Related, huh." I tried to act like I hadn't guessed that a long time ago.

"More to the point…she's my sister."

I watched Kanan with a little extra interest as she went in stood in the line for the cash register. Yeah, that made a lot of sense. I'd thought before that she was kind of like the lighter half of him. Sort of a female Hakkai. That also explained why he ran off that day in the café when I tried to hook them up. "Really? I didn't know you had any siblings."

He gave me a weird glance. "Yes. We were separated as children and raised in different orphanages…so, technically, she's my sister, but…it doesn't quite feel that way to either of us."

"So…you're not gonna' hook up?"

"I-I don't know. What do you think?"

I met his gaze, "Why're you asking me?"

"You're my best friend."

I watched Kanan again, wondering what I would do if I were him. At last, I shrugged and got up from the bench, "I dunno', man…I think if you love somebody, it doesn't really matter who they are. You should be with 'em."

"That's a very tolerant answer. You realize most people probably won't see it that way."

"So? What do they know? You said you've never loved anybody before right?" I guess he'd never said that, but if I had to guess, that was true. I'd never loved anybody either, and if I suddenly fell in love with some girl, I wouldn't care who she was—even if she was my sister—I'd want to be with her. "I think you should do whatever you wanna' do, pal."

I started to make my way toward Kanan, who was coming out of the shop to meet us.

Hakkai grabbed my arm, stopping me suddenly. "Gojyo."

I looked back at him.

"Do you remember anything about the night Dasha almost killed you?"

I raised an eyebrow at him, "What'dya' mean? Like what?"

"I'm not sure."

"'Kay then…" I was really confused by that time. I couldn't figure out why he'd even bring that up since, for the most part, I didn't want to think about it, let alone talk about it. It was one of the scariest nights of my life, almost dying like that.

"I would have done anything to save you that night. Do you know what I mean?"

Now I blinked at him. "Er. Not really."

He sighed a little, and then stood up too, "Never mind. I just wanted you to know: whatever it took that night, whatever it meant for me, I was willing to do it, just so long as it meant getting you back."

And when I woke up, with him there next to me, that had made me feel so relieved and so safe….

I thought about telling him what I'd been thinking about. About how glad I was he was in my life, and about how I kind of felt like I loved him, even if I didn't understand what that meant exactly, but Kanan was coming up to us, and I figured I'd have plenty of chances to tell him about it, after I'd sorted it out, so I just rested my elbow over his shoulder with a grin, "I'm glad."


	22. Chapter 22

**Well, I wrote two different versions for some of this, and then in the end tried to combine them, so it may be a little rough, but over all, I think it came together just about the way I wanted.  
I've really enjoyed working on this fic, and I've enjoyed your comments and feedback as well. I'm sure I'll come up with other projects, some day, but until then, thanks for reading.**

**-Zaney**

* * *

**XXII**

Be strong and hold my hand

Time comes for us

You'll understand

We'll say goodbye today  
Sorry how it ends this way

If you promise not to cry  
Then I'll tell you just what I would say

If I could be with you tonight

I would send you to sleep

Never let them take the light behind your eyes

* * *

**Gojyo**

It wasn't quite dark yet when I got back to An Jin, and even though I felt a little bit tired, I felt good. This was a nice change of pace, this carefree, happy-go-lucky, satisfied feeling, not having some ominous shadow always hanging over me. The only thing that could make it better would be if Tai were still around, then I could go hang out at her place, get her to make me dinner, or some shit. That was the only way this new sense of freedom could possibly be any better.

_Win some lose some. At least I'm not dead._

Not that I was belittling Tai's death, but things could have been much, much worse.

I looked around the dingy streets of An Jin, and then straight up into the pale, blue sky, and I couldn't help thinking about the sacrifice she'd made, and how I'd never be able to make it up to her, even if she had lived.

_Thanks, Tai…wherever you are now._

Annnd that was enough of that. I was at my apartment now, and the night was young; I'd go get some food later, and who knew, maybe I really _would_ finally steal a coat. Or maybe I'd look up that girl I'd met before Dasha kicked the crap out of me. Or maybe I'd catch some sleep first. Maybe it was just because my body was still healing, but I'd really felt tired lately.

The door was unlocked, as usual. I let myself in, yawning.

Banri was running around the room like a maniac. He had his big, beige duffle bag in one hand and a lit cigarette in the other, and he was picking shit up at random, stuffing it into the mouth of bag. It was looking kind of heavy.

I was startled to see him, because he'd been gone for months now, and I hadn't been sure he was ever coming back. I should have known better than that I guess—Banri always ran off and came back whenever he wanted.

"Hey…" I said, shutting the door behind me.

He jumped out of his skin, froze dead in his tracks and looked at me with wide, startled eyes, and then, as soon as he recognized me, he relaxed, but only just a little, "Gojyo… Jeez, man, I wasn't expecting you."

"What're you doing?" I glanced around the apartment, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. "Hocking my stuff?"

"As if you have anything to hock." He snorted. "Anyway, where in the hell've you been? I thought for sure you were dead."

"Almost." I touched the wound in my stomach. "I was in the hospital for almost a month."

"The hospital? Why?"

"You mean you didn't hear?"

"Hear? No. I heard Dasha's dead. Didn't hear nothin' about _you_, baby boy."

I shrugged at him, "Guess it's not important. Hey, what're you doing anyway?"

Banri looked at me a moment, like he was deciding what to do, and then he scraped his fingernails back over his scalp, sat down heavily in the nearest chair, "Damn, pal, I'm sorry. If I knew you were in the hospital I woulda' come to see ya'."

It was probably the most insincere thing he'd ever said, and I didn't believe him for a second, but I took it anyway and said, "Don't worry about it. You didn't know."

"Nobody told me."

"I know."

"Well…you're okay, right?"

"Oh, yeah, you know me: I'm tough."

He nodded, and then got up again, suddenly, went back to packing, "Good to hear you're alright."

That was pretty insincere too, but I didn't have time to think about it. "Banri. What the fuck're you doing?"

"Leaving."

"Leaving? Where're you goin'?"

"Not sure. Further south. I don't really care where, just as long as it ain't here."

"You mean, you're getting out of An Jin completely?"

"Pretty much."

"But why?"

He seemed to hesitate, then shrugged, indifferently. "Nn. It's just that Dasha's dead now, so we don't have to hang around here anymore if we don't wanna'. Nobody's gonna' be paying us. And I'm just about sicka' this town. Aren't you?"

I knew what he really meant about Dasha being dead. He'd gotten used to all the perks that came with the territory of being one of Dasha's lackeys, and now that Dasha was gone, so were all those perks. For all I knew, whatever was left of Dasha's gang was treating him like shit now. Actually, the whole organization was probably in a state of chaos, fighting over who was going to be in charge next and whatever. As much trouble as Banri was always causing, he hated to be _in_ trouble, so he was cutting his losses and getting the hell out.

"I thought that meant we'd get to work this town the way we wanna', finally, not answering to anybody."

"Maybe. I'm just sicka' this town."

"Hn." I sat down on my cot, starting a new cigarette, "Well, whatever. Have a nice life."

He stopped to look up at me, "I sorta' thought you'd come with me."

"Me? Hell no. Why would I do that? I'm all set up here."

"You're _sorta'_ set up here, you mean. How're you gonna' make rent all by yourself?"

"I'll be okay—I've always made more money than you."

"Ha! Like hell you have. Even then, you think it'll be enough?"

"I'll make it work."

He gave me a long, almost serious look, "You should probably just come with me, kid."

"Hn." I flopped back on the pillow, feeling a little tired now. "Gime' one good reason why I should do that."

"I always thought you hated this town."

"I do hate it…."

"So what's the deal?"

"I dunno'. I'm just not ready to leave right now. I don't really feel like it."

He sort of laughed at me, "What is this, about that kid?"

"So maybe it is. What's it to you? He's a way better friend and partner than you could ever be."

"What makes me such a bad guy? I helped you when I got the chance. And." He turned to me, eyes flashing a little, "I put up with ya' like a fuckin' saint. How many people have you met who are actually willing to let a sick, pieca' shit mutt like you bum around with them?"

I sat up on my elbows, "Banri-"

"You know, I think you've gotten kinda' spoiled, hanging out with that prick—obviously you forgot all about who you are and the fact that you're never going to be accepted by society."

I glared at him, but I didn't think I could really argue with him, so I kept my face shut. Maybe he was right. After hanging out with Hakkai for so long, maybe I'd forgotten that I was socially unacceptable, no matter what I did. I wouldn't be here, living like this, if it weren't true.

"So maybe you better just shut the fuck up and pack your shit."

"Why the fuck should I?" I growled, shaking a little, I was so angry. "You wanna' go? Fine. Good. Go. I ain't leaving—I don't need you."

Banri grinned a little, "No? So what're you gonna' do? Go back to living under bridges and sleeping in dumpsters, like you were before I met you? In case you forgot, you're just a damn kid—nobody's gonna' rent a place to a brat with no job. That's why you're livin' here with me to begin with."

I couldn't argue with that either. It was totally true; I'd never had much luck renting places. Every now and then, I'd been able to check into an inn and stay there a while, but they always kicked me out when I got a little low on money, or when I made too much noise, or when they got tired of me.

"And now, Tai's not even around to put you up anymore."

"Shut up!" I yelled. "Don't fuckin' talk about Tai, you fuckin' sonnova' bitch!"

Banri laughed, "Hey, don't shoot the messenger, asshole. Maybe when she was around, you woulda' been okay by yourself in this town—you coulda' stayed with her and fucked, like you always wanted—but she's dead, Goj, and you don't have a ton of friends in this town. What're you gonna' do, go live in Cheng? Good luck with that."

No, I couldn't do that. There's no way I could get away with crashing at Hakkai's dorm for a long time, and I couldn't afford to live by myself in Cheng any better than I could afford to live here on my own. If Banri left, I wasn't sure what I'd do.

"Whatever." I snorted. "It's none of your business what I do after you're gone. You leave all the fucking time anyway, and you've never given a shit before about what happens to me in the meantime, and I don't think you give a shit this time either, so why don't you fuck off and mind your own business?"

He shook his head a little, his eyes narrow and unfriendly. "You know, Gojyo, I don't really get you. You've wanted nothing more than to leave Jin ever since we got here and Dasha called you all those nasty names, so why in the hell do you suddenly want to stay here? I thought you'd be happy to get out of this place."

"What's it matter? I hate Jin, yeah, but I ain't your wife; I don't have to pack up and leave every time you decide you're bored or scared or in too much trouble, or whatever."

"What is this, some kinda' rebellious phase you're going through? It's stupid to stay here just for Hakkai."

"Leave Hakkai out of this." I snarled.

Banri moved in, lingering close to me, setting an unwelcome hand on my shoulder, "What is it with that kid, Gojyo? He didn't seem too special to me—just a snot-nosed, whiny, little human brat. There're a million kids out there just like him."

"You don't know a damn thing about him."

"I don't have to, because I know all about you. I know what this is. That kid makes you feel like maybe you're not a hundred percent worthless, am I right?"

"No, I-"

"Whatever it is, it's stupid to stay here because of him, 'cause the guys want you dead."

I checked his face to see if he was fucking with me, "What do you mean 'the guys'?"

"Bang and a few of the others that made it out alive."

"You gotta' be kidding me. What the hell do they want me dead for?"

Banri shrugged, "Well, Bang's prob'ly mad 'cause his brothers are dead. The other guys… Who knows? They're just pissed, wanting to take it out on someone. It's all sorta' your fault, so they picked you."

"_My _fault? How's it _my _fault? It's not my fault! My fault for what? I didn't do nothin'."

"Hey, easy, baby boy._ I_ don't think that, it's just Bang. He's gonna' come after you—after us—and that's why we gotta' get out of here."

"Fuck that." I snapped, shoving his hand off, "I don't gotta' do nothing, Banri. If you wanna' run, then run, but I think I'll take my chances." I studied his face, thinking hard. It seemed like, if it was true that Bang and the guys wanted me dead, taking me along would jeopardize his life too, and I couldn't imagine that Banri actually cared enough about me to put himself in danger just to make sure I was safe. What kind of angle could he possibly have?

"You don't hafta' come if you don't wanna'—I don't give a shit what you do—but I thought maybe you should know that they're out to kill you. Tell ya' what though, pal. I ain't set up to go solo right now—I'm having a run of really shitty luck."

"Go figure." I mumbled. "Your luck is always shit, isn't it?"

"As if you have any room to talk, Mr. Taboo."

"Fuck off, Banri. If you're gonna' be a dick I'll just take my chances in Jin."

He changed his tune right away, smiled at me, his charming 'I want you on my side' smile, "Hey, hey, hey. I'm just kidding, kiddo. Look, we're a team, huh?"

I glared at him, "Dunno'. It seems like it's been a long, fucking time since you and me were a team."

"Yeah, why? 'Cause you went and switched teams on me and started hanging out with that rich prick? Now you're too good for stupid, old Banri?"

I got on my feet. I really, really wanted to hit him in the face, but I wasn't sure why. Suddenly, my good day was down the shitter, and I felt super angry, and I could barely believe what a great time I'd been having not even an hour ago. "'Cause _you_ went AWOL the second Dasha told me to go rip off Wu Manor, and you ain't been around ever since. You _knew_ that job was going to get me into all kinds of shit, and you wouldn't touch it with a fucking ten-foot pole, so don't bitch at _me_ about switching teams—when I need you, you're not interested, but when you've got a 'run of shitty luck' you want me to go with you and be your bitch. That's what kinda' partner _you_ are, Banri you good for nothing piecea' shit. And I didn't have any choice but to go to Wu, after you blew all the money I was supposed to give Dasha!"

"Oh, c'mon, Goj, that's not true. I had no idea that thing was going to be such a nightmare—I just didn't wanna' go to Wu because those are the people you don't fuck with. I learned that the hard way, and now, so did you."

"Either way, you still just stood there and watched Dasha try to kill me. How's that for being a good partner? You're always covering your own ass, but you don't give a shit what happens to _me_."

"Gawd, you're being _such_ a damn kid right now, Gojyo. You're fine, right? What's the big deal? Besides, I'm doing you a solid now—I warned you about the guys wanting you dead, didn't I?"

"Whoop-dee-fucking-doo. You're only doing that 'cause you need me to go with you and float you along 'til your goddamn luck gets straightened out."

Banri sighed, like he was getting really frustrated with me, "I don't have time to argue about all this again. It doesn't matter, okay?"

"It matters to me! You run around and do whatever the fuck you want, all the time, and you leave me behind when you feel like it, and then, as soon as you need something, here you come again, acting like you're my best fucking friend or some shit, but any time _I_ need _you_ it's this bullshit routine about how it doesn't matter, and how it's not your problem, and it's not your fault! Some partner you make! I'd have to be crazy to go with you, Banri!"

"No. You'd have to be crazy to _stay_ here, Gojyo. There's not a lot of the gang left, but there're enough of them to rip the guts outta' a cocky hanyou kid. I know you're a good fighter, but all them against just you? I mean, seriously. Who do _you_ think's gonna' win? And after you're dead, what then? Do you think anybody in this town's gonna' give a shit? They'll sweep it under the rug, and nobody, anywhere will ever ask 'what the hell happened to Gojyo?'. Is that how you wanna' go out?"

"Like you give a fuck."

He snorted.

"So what's your deal? What kinda' trouble are _you_ in, and what makes you think some 'piece of shit, worthless, cocky, hanyou kid' can help you?"

"I'm just trying to look out for you, you jackass!" He yelled suddenly. "And I don't appreciate this ungrateful attitude!"

"I don't believe you. You're in trouble, or your broke, or somebody's after you. That's the only reason you _ever_ leave a place."

"I don't want Bang and his boys to kill me too."

"Why the fuck would they?"

"Because, dickhead, I'm your partner."

I shook my head a little, but I knew that was probably true. Bang was the kind of guy who'd kill Banri for his association with me, even if I didn't really feel like he was much of a partner these days. "What do you need me for?" I demanded again. "Just go by yourself."

"Other than the fact that I'm worried about you?"

"_Obviously_, other than the fact that you're _so_, fucking _worried_ about me."

"I'm broke." He shrugged. "The gambling scene aint been so good in this town lately, and it's been a while since i could rip anything off. It's killing me."

"And you expect me to tag along for that? Unbelievable, Banri! Hey, ass-face, _I'm_ broke too! I just got outta' the hospital—what makes you think I have a fucking one-yen to even flip?"

"Yeah, but you're a better gambler than me." He rested his elbow on my shoulder, and I really hated him right then. "You'll be up and on your feet in a couple weeks—not like me. Remember, this's why we teamed up in the first place. You scratch my back, and I scratch yours."

"Too bad it never _goes_ that way. Too bad I just do all the fucking back scratching and you walk out on me whenever you feel like it."

"Oh, c'mon. I can't believe how butt-hurt you are over all this. I did what I could to look after me, and I helped you when I got the chance, and I'm trying to help you now. Gime' a little credit."

"I'm _not_ coming with you just so I can haul all the luggage and pay for everything, and stay up all night gambling and selling myself so _you_ can have a place to sleep. I'd rather go back to living under the bridge."

Banri stared at me for a long time, puffing his cigarette and looking thoughtful, obviously thinking of a way to make me change my mind, but there was no way. Not this time. After the shit he'd been pulling lately, he could go off and die for all I cared, and I'd stay here and deal with Bang when he came—_if_ he ever came—and that was that. No way I was changing my mind.

"Fine." He said at last, with a shrug, totally calmly, like he always did, but there was a hint of viciousness to it, and then he wrapped it up by sneering,. "So don't come-I can't make ya'-but you're gonna' get yourself killed."

I touched the wound in my stomach. It was almost completely healed, but I remembered the way it hurt when I jumped out of the peach tree today, and I knew that I still wasn't up to speed. I didn't know if I could handle a fight with a gang of youkai. Maybe if I laid low a while, at least until I was better, I'd be okay. I had to be, because I was not leaving An Jin just because I was scared, or whatever.

"That's my-"

"You know, I get why you wanna' stay here, and I can't blame you. That kid's been way nicer to you than anybody else has, ever, right? I know he makes you think maybe you're just a normal person, like everybody else. He feels bad for you, and you think that means you could actually have some purpose for being alive; It's a sick, selfish reason to hang around with somebody, especially when you're just gonna' get him killed."

My blood ran ice-cold at those words, "What're you talking about?"

"Even if he's the best friend you could ever hope to have, the truth is, you're way more trouble than you're worth-"

"Not that. What do you mean, I'm gonna' get him killed?"

"What do you _think_ I mean, genius? Bang and the others. They'll probably kill him too, if they get the chance."

"Why would they?"

"You know how those guys are, Goj. They're fucking crazy as shit. They'd kill anybody just to say they did it, and if you think your pal can hide up in Cheng, you got another thing coming."

I kept quiet, angrier than ever. I hated knowing that he was kind of right. As long Hakkai stayed off the radar, in his own, preppy, rich, little town, with his high-security school, they'd probably leave him alone. But, if they caught us together, or if they found him wandering through Jin, whether he was with me or not, they'd probably kill him, just to fuck with me. Those assholes.

It seemed like I could get Hakkai into another huge mess if I didn't watch it, and that was the last thing I wanted. I mean, what was I supposed to do? Hang around this dump and take out the rest of Dasha's gang? If I laid low a while and let my wound finish healing, I might be able to, but Banri wasn't going to stay and help me—he was a runner, not a fighter—and I'd be _such_ an ass to bring Hakkai into it when things had just calmed down.

_I'm not even up for a fight right now._

Banri was watching me, curiously, and I detected some resentment in his eyes too. He probably thought I was completely pathetic for putting any kind of consideration into someone else's life.

At last, I asked, "You think…if we skip, they won't follow us?"

"They're way too lazy." He said immediately. "Anyway, I got some friends in Bik-Chao. If we go there, we'll probably be okay.

_Probably._ That was the key word. Banri didn't know, and I didn't know. For all we knew, Bang and his goons would chase the two of us all over the fucking planet.

Banri said, "It's the best we can do, pal. Run or get killed. What sounds worse to you?"

I guess he was right.

Still…I didn't want to leave this place; not because I was so in love with An Jin, but because I'd finally found somebody I didn't want to walk out on, and I felt angry. This was so unfair. Here I was thinking life was going to go great from now on, that me and Hakkai could just be friends, and everything would be cool. Well, hell. Why did I ever think _that_?

It might be one thing, if I knew they were just going to fuck around and try to kill me, but knowing that staying here could put Hakkai at risk would make me a serious asshole if I didn't go. Wouldn't it?

_God damn._

I sighed, "When're you leaving?"

"ASAP." He was back to packing shit, so I guess he was assuming he'd gotten to me, which made sense, because he had. I should have known he had an ace in the hole all along.

"Tonight?"

"I was kinda' planning on it."

"What about tomorrow?"

"You're coming?"

"Don't really…have a choice…"

"Hn. Tomorrow's sorta' late. I'd rather go tonight, after the sun sets. That's safer."

"It's safer." I agreed tiredly, "But I'm fuckin' exhausted, Banri. I'm not gonna' be able to take off in the middle of the night."

He stared at me like I was supposed to change my mind, and I knew we'd reached the moment of truth. Depending on what he did next, I'd be able to figure out just how shitty his luck had turned. If he said he really needed me to go with him, that meant he really had to have somebody's blood to suck; but, if he was asking me to go just because it would be convenient for him, he'd cut out tonight without a word, leave me behind to get trashed and eat pavement.

"C'mon, man. I got shot in the stomach."

He stared a little longer before sniffing, wiped his nose on his sleeve and shrugged, "Tomorrow morning then. Crack of dawn kinda' shit, or we'll be sleeping with the fishes by noon, you got that?"

Damn. He musta' really been out of money or something. And, he was totally selfish thinking he could leech off me as long as he needed to, and it didn't matter that I was totally broke too.

Come to think of it, why in the fuck should I even go with him in the first place when I knew he was just taking me to use me and he'd wipe his feet on me and leave as soon as he was done with me? It didn't make any sense to put myself in that situation.

That's what I was going to do though, and I already knew it. The way he was talking, I had to get out of An Jin no matter what; Bang wasn't going to just let it lie that his brothers were dead, so he was gonna' kill me if he ever found me, or do his best to anyway. The rest of the gang would hunt me down just because they were blood thirsty. I couldn't hide from them. I had to leave this town. I couldn't go hide out in Cheng or they'd fuck up Hakkai too. In the end, it didn't matter where I went, because as long as I was around this place, I was going to get Hakkai involved, and I couldn't live with myself it I did that, so no matter how I looked at it, I had to go.

Then why not just take off on my own, without Banri? Why willingly hitch my wagon to that ass?

Because that's what I did. I hooked up with whoever would have me, no matter _why_ they would have me, and I clung for dear life. I hated to be alone. Hated it so fucking much. I'd take anybody and do almost anything just for the shitty imitation of friendship.

Still, I'd quit all that shit, I'd give up pretty much _anything_ if I thought that would mean I could stay friends with Hakkai, even if it was only for a little bit longer, and maybe if it wasn't going to sink him into all kinds of gang-related trouble, I'd just stay here and take my chances with Bang, because Hakkai was the only person I'd made friends with and clung to who actually cared about me and who stuck around when the shit hit the fan.

That was why I had to go. I had to make sure he didn't get sucked into my problems. And I had to go with Banri because that's how messed up and pathetic I was.

"I got it." I said at last, trying really hard to sound totally cold.

Banri grinned at me, "I know what you're thinking, Goj. You're gonna' miss that fag, aren't ya'? When'd you get so homo anyway?"

"I'll knife you if you ever say that shit again." I told him gruffly, but I just sat back down, feeling even more tired than before, and now I felt…kind of sad.

Banri just laughed, "My bad. But hey, you're doing the right thing, so don't worry about it. He'd want you to go, huh? You're nothing but trouble."

I closed my eyes. _That's just the thing…I know he wouldn't. Even if he knew why…_especially _if he knew why, he still wouldn't want me to leave…he'd wanna' fight this thing, together._

And that's why I had to go, I guess.

Banri waited a while for me to answer, and then, eventually, went into his bed room to finish packing.

When he was gone, I laid face down in the pillow and tried to hold back the dark emotions that were threatening to suffocate me.

* * *

**Hakkai**

Kanan and me sat in the school library at a small, round, oak table, facing each other, text books open—she had a chemistry book, and I had geometry—but neither of us were reading and taking notes as we were supposed to be, even though we'd convened at the library for the alleged purpose of studying together.

She was in the middle of saying, "…I understand how unconventional it is, but what I've witnessed of you is that you're not particularly conventional to begin with, Hakkai-chan."

"That's true, I suppose. Still, I would never want to put you in a position where you're uncomfortable or in which you might feel ashamed."

Kanan shook her head, "I could never feel ashamed of my association with you, in any way."

"I'm glad to hear you say that." I smiled.

"Still, I should think that, as long as we don't discuss the matter with everyone we come across, it won't affect our standing in society. Obviously we both intend to be somewhat successful, or we wouldn't be in this school to begin with. However, I'm not saying I don't ever want anyone to know at all—that doesn't align with what I told you about not feeling ashamed."

"I understand. We ought to try to conceal it, to a degree. Not lie about it, if confronted, but not advertise it either."

"After all, not everyone is going to understand."

I thought about what Gojyo said to me yesterday. At the time, I'd thought he was just saying what he assumed I'd want to hear in order to placate me, and that he was likely disgusted beneath his guise of carelessness, but now, I got the feeling that it he had honestly meant what he'd told me, because he wasn't one to care very much about the rules and restraints of regular society.

"There could be complications." I added tentatively. I didn't want to launch right into long-term plans, but I had already been considering them.

Kanan didn't flinch or miss a beat, "We can, of course, find a solution to those types of inconveniences later, assuming this goes well."

"That's true."

She smiled, brightly, "In the meanwhile, try not to get ahead of yourself, Hakkai-chan. You're only recently sixteen, and we're both very busy with school."

I smiled back, face feeling a bit warm, "Yes, of course. I suppose I'm just pleased with the way things are going."

Briefly, she touched my hand, "Let's think on it a while longer before we come to a conclusion."

"I think I can agree to that." As long as I was allowed to be near her in the meantime, I hardly cared what the nature of our relationship was.

Kanan went on smiling, then looked down at her book, at last.

I tried to go on with my studies as well. The library was perfectly silent—almost no one else was about—and distraction free, and I really did have quite a bit of catching up to do, even after all this time. Still, I found my thoughts turning this way and that, never hovering over geometry for very long. Math had never been my favorite field of study, though I couldn't say that I was bad at it either. I found it somewhat dull, and usually, much too easy.

My thoughts turned, inevitably to the events of yesterday. I hadn't expected the day to turn out that way. I had honestly thought I'd get to study all day, as I had been for the entire week, but by the time the sun set and the three of us dispersed, I'd found myself feeling rather satisfied with how things had turned out. I couldn't exactly pinpoint why my mood had turned so sour so early in the day, except that, perhaps, I was stressed, as I'd admitted to, and that I was annoyed with having to be so responsible, particularly when I was already tired of studying. Spending time with Kanan and Gojyo had turned out to be precisely what I needed, and today, I felt all the more ready to continue. Spring vacation would be along shortly, and then I could rest a bit.

In truth, I found myself feeling a bit guilty over the way I'd acted toward Gojyo yesterday, in that cold, irritated manner. I suppose it frustrated me that he didn't really understand: if he was along every day or so to interrupt my studies, I'd never get anything done, I'd fall even further behind, and then I'd never be able to see him at all, and if I failed this year of school, I'd have to take on loads of summer courses, which would eat up all my free time, for the rest of the year, and then the two of us would never be able to hang out. I wasn't concerned with not being able to see Kanan, since there were plenty of opportunities just like this one readily available. But seeing Gojyo was a different matter, since he lived far away and was restricted from coming on campus.

Knowing him, he'd never considered any of that, and as Kanan had said, I knew that, in time, he might become hurt or resentful even.

Never the less, I should have been kinder to him, not so agitated. It wasn't his fault he didn't understand the dynamics of school life.

Besides that, he'd seemed bothered yesterday. He'd said some strange things, and I'd wondered what was on his mind, but he hadn't been all that open to discuss any of it. I didn't want to worry, because I was certain things were fine, but I wanted a chance, sometime very soon, to discuss things further.

_"…what'dya think…love is…?'_

I didn't know why in the world he'd asked me that, but I wish I'd had a better answer for him, even if my poor answer was due to my inexperience with love. Still, there had to have been a more helpful answer. After all, I did have _some_ experience.

I glanced up at Kanan again, and she looked lovely, reading her chemistry book and turning pages delicately.

Love had a lot of varying forms, I knew that much.

I did try to tell him. In spite of what we'd said on the day we gathered the Hallmarks with Gen-Tang, I knew that I did care for him—I did _love_ him—but I suppose my insecurity had gotten the best of me, and I was nervous about the way he'd react if I told him that, since he had a way of trivializing emotional things such as that. Still, yesterday, when he asked me that question, though I admit Kanan was the first person that had come to my mind, I had recognized that he must have some personal reason for asking about it, and I had so wanted to tell him the way I felt. I had done the best I could.

_I would have done anything I had to in order to save you._

Wasn't that love, in some way or other? Selfish, perhaps, to keep someone when it was their time to go, and still, I'd been so afraid to suffer the pain of losing him, I couldn't understand how that could be anything less than love.

_I'll have to tell you later, I suppose._

Perhaps he'd laugh at me, or perhaps he'd be utterly bewildered. It hardly mattered, because I wanted him to know.

_Tonight, I'll go see him. I'll drop by some place nice and pick up dinner, and then maybe the two of us can just fritter the night away at his apartment and play cards and eat and discuss such things until the dawn begins to crack._

That sounded so pleasant to me, I nearly slammed my textbook and set off at once, but it was still quite early in the morning, so I'd do best to stay and keep working.

"You look very thoughtful." Kanan commented, although she wasn't looking up at me. Her perceptions always had me marveling. "Are you thinking about geometry?" There was a vague teasing quality to her voice.

"I must admit, it seems to be the furthest thing from my mind at the moment."

"Don't worry about Gojyo. I think he's safe for now."

For a brief second, I wondered how she knew what I was thinking, but I knew better than to dwell on it—Kanan was very smart, and she knew me better than I expected of someone I'd only known on a personal level for a couple of months.

"Is it that obvious?"

"In all the time we've spent together I've noticed that he seems to occupy your mind rather frequently. You even have a certain face you make when you're worrying about him."

"Ah. Do I really worry about him_ that_ much?" I laughed.

"Well, up until now, you've had a good reason to do so."

"Yes, you're quite right. He's safe now, so I ought to put those concerns to rest."

She nodded.

"Still…I can't help it, I suppose. It's just that he doesn't really have anyone else, and for some reason, I dislike the thought of him spending so much time alone."

Kanan giggled slightly, "The two of you are cute. But as I said, I don't think you have reason to worry—Gojyo's not like you are, Hakkai. He's very social, and I highly doubt he's sitting somewhere alone, feeling bored and unhappy. Even if his connections to other people aren't as deep as his connection to you, I'm sure he isn't in the habit of feeling lonely.  
Momentarily I considered that, but I had to admit, I hadn't exactly thought of it that way before, since I _did_ tend to be a bit of a loner, and I wasn't much in the business of going out and finding other people to spend time with—especially not people I didn't already know—but Gojyo was indeed that way, and although, right at this particular moment, he was more than likely asleep with a hangover, I doubted he was going to wake up and spend all day drifting around his apartment, feeling lonely.

"Yes." I smiled. "I suppose that's true."

"During spring vacation, the two of you will have plenty of time to run around and get into more trouble, don't you agree?" She smiled, winningly.

"I certainly hope so."

Her voice was suddenly gentle, "He's almost the brother you never had, isn't he?"

My face flushed again, but I couldn't even begin to deny that, and it made me think of the brother he himself had misplaced, and I wondered at it all. I suppose, in a way, we needed each other to help heal the wounds we'd acquired over the courses of our childhoods.

"In any case." She shut her book, suddenly, but not loudly, "I'm beginning to feel hungry. What do you think of taking a break and going to have breakfast?"

"That sounds very nice." I shut my book too.

The two of us were on our way out of the library, holding hands and laughing quietly, when Liling and Quing approached.

I was startled to see them, because they'd both been somewhat distant ever since the incident with Dasha, and I had been getting the feeling that they were afraid of me, a bit, now, and that they wanted nothing to do with me. Still, Liling looked between Kanan and I, a bit disapprovingly, and I detected shreds of jealousy and resentment in her eyes. Quing hung back a bit, watching us warily, while Liling came closer.

"Hakkai." She called out, in a tone just a little too loud for the library.

I smiled at her, "Good morning, Liling. I hope you're feeling well." In spite of her own attitude, I felt nothing but gratitude and benevolence toward Liling, mostly because she'd brought me notes from some of the classes I was missing while Gojyo was hospitalized—which was much more than anyone outside of Kanan had done for me—and also, partly, because I understood that she liked me, and though I didn't want to lead her on, I also didn't want to hurt her.

Liling merely nodded, as if she couldn't be bothered with confirming or denying that she felt well. She lingered in front of us, shifting a bit, and seeming lost. After a moment she said, "Excuse me for interrupting."

"Not at all. We were just going to get some breakfast—in fact, the two of you are welcome to join us, if you like." I cast a warm glance at Quing, but he still seemed petrified.

"Oh, maybe." Liling smiled back, but it seemed uncertain and forced. "But first, I came to tell you that your friend is outside."

"My friend?"

"Yes, I ran into him on campus, but he asked me to tell you to meet him outside of Cheng, on the hillside. He said you'd know where to go, just to make sure you hurried."

I frowned at Kanan, "Is he going to interrupt me every day for the rest of the year?"

Kanan just patted my hand, "I'm sure he is."

At the sight of that gesture, Liling sniffed and frowned again, "Well, anyway. He's out there now, as far as I know. He acted like it was really important for you to hurry up. That's all. Please excuse me." Suddenly, she forced her way between us, breaking the grip we had on one another, and kept walking. Quing stepped around us and followed.

"Thank-you very much, Liling." I called after her, but she didn't so much as jerk her head. Then I turned to Kanan, "Do you mind going to breakfast ahead of me, and then I'll meet you there?"

"Oh, I think I'll come out with you and see Gojyo-kun. I didn't realize he even gets out of bed this early."

"Yes." I touched a finger to my chin, thoughtfully. "Normally he doesn't." It was only just nine now, and I couldn't help but wonder if something might be wrong, but I didn't want to jump to conclusions, so we took our books back to my dorm, which was closest, and then went outside and off campus to meet him.

It was a nice, warm day, and as soon as I was out under the burning sun and the clear sky, I lost all desire to study, and I almost thought I might just go and spend the rest of the day playing in the hills with Gojyo, but that would be highly irresponsible, so I put the idea away immediately. _Spring vacation will be here soon, and then there will be plenty of time for that kind of leisurely activity._

Instead, I looked at Kanan, "When we're finished with breakfast, do you want to finish studying somewhere out-of-doors? In the garden, perhaps? Or at a café?"

"Mmhm. It's much too nice a day to waste inside a stuffy building."

I squeezed her hand tightly and felt the smile growing on my lips.

It didn't take long to find Gojyo, who was loitering just beyond the front gate of the school, his back to us, and he was shouting something at Banri, who was down the hill a ways.

"…asshole! Don't be so fuckin' impatient!"

We stopped side by side, glanced at one another, and then I cleared my throat, "Gojyo?"

He whipped around, and I must admit, the first glimpse I saw of his face gave me the impression that he was angry and upset, but that vanished immediately, and he broke into an impossibly huge grin, one that was much larger and insistent than most. It struck me as being rather fake. "Oh. Oh, hey guys! That was fast. I didn't think that snooty chick-friend of yours would even bother looking for you."

"Liling is a bit more trustworthy than that. In any case, we're both startled to find you up and out of bed so early in the morning. Are you feeling well?"

The smile didn't so much as slip, but his eyes darkened just a shade, which made me wonder if I'd annoyed him. "Yep. I feel great, actually. I just had to come up here to talk to you."

"It couldn't wait, I take it." I suppressed a sigh.

Gojyo shook his head, fiercely and insistently, "Nope. Not this. And it'll just take a second, I swear."

"Very well then. What is it?"

He glanced at Kanan, then shrugged. I watched him rub the back of his neck, "Umm. It's kinda'…justa' you and me thing."

I found that odd, but I nodded, "Oh, I see. Well, all right then. Kanan, would you mind excusing us, just for the second this is supposed to take?"  
I turned to her, but she was staring hard at Gojyo. At first, her expression was so intense and so disturbed, I thought she was angry about having to leave us alone, but then that didn't seem quite right. She met my gaze, questioningly.

I shrugged.

Gojyo was kicking at the ground and messing with his hair, nervously, it seemed, and he kept looking back over his shoulder at Banri.

"Is everything okay?" She asked, eventually.

He jerked his head up, suddenly, "What? Yeah. Yeah, everything's cool. It's just…really… I gotta' say it to him alone." He flashed a smile at her.

"I understand." Strangely enough, rather than walking away, Kanan suddenly stepped up to him, cupped his face in one hand, briefly, and said, very gently, "Goodbye, Gojyo-kun."

He seemed considerably startled, gaped at her with wide, bewildered eyes, and then stammered, "B-bye!"

Before I could even question the exchanged, she was walking away from him. I felt her hand slip over my arm, comfortingly, it seemed, and then she was gone.

I just assumed she'd go and wait for me at the cafeteria after all.

A bit bewildered myself, I studied Gojyo, "Well, we're alone now, and I'm somewhat busy today. I was planning to come and see you later tonight, but if whatever you have to say really can't wait-"

"Hey!" Banri called rudely, "Hurry this shit up, Gojyo! We're burnin' daylight!"

Gojyo turned to scream over his shoulder, "I told you to hold your mother fucking horses!" In that one dirty phrase, I heard fragments of total outrage, anger, distress, and even fear. He seemed altogether, somewhat strained.

Perhaps that's why Kanan had reacted that way.

Banri was quiet again, and Gojyo looked back at me, "Sorry. That dick."

"I'm surprised to find you hanging out with him again, and I must say, I don't entirely approve."

"I don't have a lot of options." Gojyo grumbled.

I gave him a long, searching look.

He laughed suddenly, "Oh man, listen to me."

"You're acting a little strange, that's for certain."

"Yeah, man, that's 'cause…."

I waited impatiently.

When it was clear he didn't mean to go on, I prodded, "Are you going to tell me what you came to tell me or not?"

"Heh. Yeah. Sorry, man…I just don't really know how to say it. Anyway. Um, sure. I'll just cut to the chase, or whatever.

"I came to tell you goodbye, 'cause I have to go away for a while, and I don't think I'm comin' back."

He said it all so quickly, and so casually, I couldn't react, and when several seconds had passed, I realized I was still waiting for him to tell me what he'd come to say, and then I realized that that was it.

"Wait just a moment. What?"

"Gotta' move outta' An Jin, you know? And I couldn't stand living up here in Cheng. Yeah. We're gonna' head south to a place called Bik-Chao. It's kinda' a long ways away, so…I don't think I can come back and visit you, or anything like that. So this's kinda' goodbye."

"_Goodbye?!"_

"I woulda' said something to you earlier, but I just found out last night."

His behavior was bizarre and frustratingly flippant, and I could hardly believe what he was saying to me. It sounded as if he ought to just be joking, but I got the feeling he wasn't. And that was a terrible feeling indeed. I stared at him, mouth threatening to fall open, and I couldn't help stammering, "Wh-what do you mean you're _leaving_?"

Gojyo grinned again, but it seemed subdued now, and extremely insincere. "Yeah. I gotta' skip town. Me and Banri."

"I don't understand. _Why_? I thought everything was settled at last."

"I did too, but…"

"But?"

"It's complicated, Hakkai."

"That hardly matters. I deserve an explanation, don't you think?"

"I don't really have one for you, pal."

I could hardly believe what I was hearing now. He was leaving, and he didn't even have a good explanation? How could that be? Why, after everything we'd been through, would he just decide to pack up and take off without a moment's notice like this?

Whatever the reason, one thing alone was obvious to me: I had sincerely misjudged our friendship. I had put my faith and my trust in him, along with my hope and my affection, and I had been foolish enough to believe that he had felt as I did, foolish enough to believe that our friendship was indeed authentic. Now though, I was seeing that Gojyo had probably been using me from the very beginning, and now that he had no further use for me, he was going to go away, leaving me behind, just as everyone else ever had. It was such a heartless thing to do, I wasn't sure I could contain my emotions.

I spoke as calmly as I could, "Is that so? What about everything you said? What about playing cards at the bar, about hanging around and doing whatever we pleased? What about all that talk about being friends forever, if that's what we wanted? Was it all just…just _nonsense_ to you? Just some crude ploy at gaining my undying loyalty? Am I to understand you were _using_ me all along?"

After that, I'm not sure why, but I honestly expected him to laugh at me and tell me I was being effeminate, and that I shouldn't be so upset, because it wasn't as if we were dating, or some like flippancy.

Instead, Gojyo's grin all but fell off his face, and he looked at me like I had punched him. When he answered, he sounded angry, and, if I were any judge of tonal inflections, slightly hurt, "Hey, I meant all that shit, man."

"Well then, why on earth are you leaving like this, the very next day? As if it doesn't even matter to you."

Gojyo sounded completely outraged at that, "_As if it doesn't fucking _matter?! What the fuck are you talking about? Doesn't _matter!_ It matters. It matters a_ lot_, dude. Don't try to tell me it…" he broke off suddenly, looked away and scraped the hair off his face, jamming his fingers through it, a frantic stab at getting his composure.

After a moment, he muttered, "It matters. It matters a fuck of a lot. But…it doesn't matter how much I care or how much I wanna' stay here, and it doesn't matter what I said or how much I meant it. I have to go. Right now. Or we're all gonna' pay for it."

"I thought Dasha was dead."

"He is. But his gang isn't. That's all I'm gonna' tell ya', okay? So don't ask."

"But Gojyo-"

"God _dammit_, Hakkai, why do you have to make this so _fucking_ hard? Why can't you just accept it and let it go?"

"Is that what _you're_ going to do?"

He shook his head slightly. "I _should_."

"Well, I can't. Because I don't want you to leave, and I don't feel even remotely insecure in saying so to your face. I don't give a damn what anyone says about the two of us being friends, and I never have. I made friends with you because I wanted to, and I'll be damned if I just accept it and let it go when you walk out on me like this."

"I know, dude. I wish it could be different."

I watched him, wishing there was something to say that would make it different, knowing there probably wasn't anything I could say to make him stay. "You really can't stay?"

"No. I really can't."

"I could help you. Whatever's wrong, I could-"

"Not this time. I'm not gonna' let you get hung up in my shit anymore."

I nodded, feeling the unrelenting touch of sadness set in.

"I don't want to go." He told me, pleadingly almost, asking me to understand. "Just, it's best like this…"

"Best." I scoffed. "How can that be? I'm sorry, but I refuse to believe this could possibly be construed as 'best'."

The sadness in his eyes was strong enough to match that which I felt inside myself, "Hakkai… You trust me, right?"

I was so entirely sick of that question, but rather than raving about it and losing composure, I returned, "You know I do."

"And you don't want me to get hurt, right?"

"Of course not. You're my best friend, Goj."

"Then this's the way it's gotta' be. Okay?"

"Oh." I sighed, "Very well then. If you put it that way." I said the words, but I didn't mean them, even remotely. In truth, if there were anything I thought I could do to make him change his mind, it would be done already, but I could see and hear the determination in him, and I knew that, no matter what was said throughout this exchange, he was still going to leave when it was over.

Gojyo stood there and looked at me for a second longer, and then he suddenly stepped into me, putting his arms tight around my neck, moaning, "'Kai… I'm really, really sorry, man. I meant everything I said, I swear."

I held onto him, tight, and everything about it was familiar, as if it had always been, as if that scent of nicotine and rain had been with me for my entire life. "Forgive me. I never should have questioned that—you've been a truer friend to me than anyone has ever before in my life. I'm being selfish; I know I can't make you stay if it might endanger your life."

"Or yours." He chuffed.

"Mine?"

Instead of answering, he mumbled against my shoulder, "I'll miss you, man."

"Yes. I'll miss you too."

Reluctantly, Gojyo let go of me and stepped back a safe distance, "I really better go now. That ass'll leave without me."

"Right. Of course."

"I'll see you later."

"Yes. Later." I looked at him a moment, "Don't you feel as if we've done this before?"

"What?"

"Said goodbye like this; promised to see one another again, later, even knowing we may not."

Gojyo looked thoughtful, "Yeah, maybe."

"I'm fairly certain we never have."

He shrugged, "I don't think so."

I waited a moment, the hopelessness growing within me, and I saw from his expression that he felt much the same. I murmured, "I want to tell you something: even though you said you'd rather not know, I want to tell you about what the Book of the Ancients told me on the day I thought I killed Gen-Tang."

"'Kay." He agreed slowly, and he paused to look over his shoulder, back toward Banri, checking to be sure he hadn't left him behind.

"I can't remember the words verbatim, but essentially, what it said to me was that the two of us are bound together by the ties of another lifetime."

Gojyo raised a single eyebrow, but said nothing.

"It's strange, but…since the day we first met, I've always felt something inexplicable regarding our relationship. At times, it has felt to me much more like fate, or perhaps destiny, than a coincidence, that I was there when you were fighting that man…that I mistook you for a girl…I wouldn't have stepped in if I'd known…I don't know. It still seems to me that we were bound to meet some day, no matter what."

I expected him to laugh at me, but he nodded. "Yeah, I dunno', man. It's not like I believe in a bunch of spiritual shit, like past lives, but…I've always felt like I've known you forever. So maybe it is something like that. Maybe once, a long time ago, we told each other we'd see each other again, but then we didn't get to." Then he laughed, "Sounds sorta' nuts, huh?"

I sighed, "It sounds very sad, telling your friend you're going to see him again, and then not getting to. Or only getting to see him for a short amount of time, such as this. I would hope that it could last longer."

Gojyo grinned, but he looked sorry still, "Don't be so emo, Hakkai. If, for some reason, we _are_ stuck with each other 'cause of some crazy promise we made in a different life, this can't be the last time we see each other. We're gonna' run into each other again, some day."

"You sound so sure of it." I murmured.

"Yeah, man. I _am_ sure. And maybe next time will be a better time. Maybe next time, we'll get to actually have some fun."

"I hope you're right."

I looked away into the distance. Wasn't it possible that our souls had been destined to meet only for the briefest instance of time?

"I suppose it's just as possible that our two souls have been destined to be connected, somehow, for years to come."

His smile brightened, "That's the spirit. There's no way this's over."

Longingly, I considered the future. According to Madame Xiaoli, there was stil something dark looming ahead of me, making me rather fearful to proceed, and yet…if there was some chance that, one day, I would meet Gojyo again, I was eager to move forward, toward that time. At last, I smiled back at him, offered out my hand, "Very well then. I'll look for you."

He took it and clasped it tightly, with a laugh, "Okay. Just remember: where there's smoke, there's Gojyo."

"Then that's where I'll be. I promise it this time—we really will see each other again."

"Take care of your girl." He was beginning to back away now. Slowly. Painfully.

Having him leave evoked the insecurity in me, and although I'd just promised it, I couldn't help stammering, "Gojyo… Do you think…we'll _actually_ see each other again?"

"Who knows? It's…really hard…finding just one person in this fucked up world." He kept his eyes on me, but when he spoke those words, he seemed really far away.

"Yes, but…" I considered Kanan, and the great fortune it had been to run into her here at Cheng, so unexpectedly, "Please, remember… It isn't impossible."

"Yeah." Then, he looked as if he meant to say something else, was cut short when Banri's voice broke through the solitude to shout.

"Gojyo! C'mon, we gotta' move."

For a second, Gojyo looked torn and lost, a sea of regret and disbelief washing over his expression. He reached out to me again.

I clasped his hand, practically whispering, "Until that time…. Please look after yourself."

He gave me a faint jerk of the head, and then he cracked a smile, "You too."

And then I let go of him, or perhaps he shook loose of me—I could hardly tell—all I know is that he was suddenly turning and walking away, completely out of reach, once and for all, and there was nothing I could do but watch him as he strode back down the hill, ponytail bobbing, wearing that pathetic, tattered excuse for a hoodie, backpack slung over one shoulder. I felt a terrible qualm of despair, but I didn't let it overtake me.

_Bound together by the ties of another life…_

If that were true, perhaps all I could do now was look ahead, into the future, perhaps years away, and hope that somehow, that bond the Book of the Ancients had spoke of, might transcend the span of six months.

When Gojyo was just a small figure in the distance, with Banri walking beside him, I heard Kanan approaching me from behind.

"Is he going?" She asked quietly.

"Yes."

She took my hand in hers, "I'm sorry."

"Yes… Yes, so am I."

And then I too turned away to go with her, back to Cheng, back to my real life; just once, I found the emotional strength to look back over my shoulder at him. Saw that he was standing still, that Banri had gotten a little ahead of him, and he was looking back at me as well.

_Goodbye._

Gojyo…

He waved.

It took all of my fortitude to return the gesture.

And then I followed Kanan, and I didn't look back again.

* * *

**Three Years Later**

**Gojyo**

The rain is hammering all around me. My clothes and my hair are already sopping wet and heavy from it. The night is misty and chilly, and there's a slight breeze blowing through the trees, whispering across my damp skin. My jacket's slung over my shoulder—I could just put it on—but why bother? Nothing really matters these days…

_…winning with a few stale bets keeps the meals coming…and landing chicks with lame pick-up lines gets me through the night…_

What a hopeless way to live. Some days I think about giving up, and it doesn't make me feel any better. Sometimes I think it might help if Banri would come back already—he's been gone for almost a year—but I remember what it's like when he's around, and it's not much better, so that doesn't really make a difference either.

_Damn, life's so easy, it makes me wanna' puke._

Time's going by really fast. Did I really leave An Jin three years ago? Am I really nineteen already? Guess that means I'm an adult now, and my adult life is going to be almost exactly like my childhood.  
The only difference is, all the shit I'm doing is legal. Well, not _everything._ But the fucking and smoking is, and soon, the drinking will be too. And at least now I make better money than I used to.

Things are looking up… aren't they?

_I guess it works if I don't look anyone in the eye._

Easier said than done. Everyone in this town _loves_ me so frickin' much. Especially the chicks. But I don't see whatever it is they see…I don't remember if there's anything worth seeing. I don't remember if anyone has ever genuinely seen something good in me. Once, maybe. But that was a long time ago now, and in the future? Who knows? As long as my secret stays behind closed doors, I guess it'll be okay. Banri's not around to spout his mouth off about me being a hanyou, and no one else in town knows, so I can breeze by for a while still.

That girl at the bar tonight…what the hell did she know? She thought I dyed my hair. I guess that's what I wanted them to think, but, why the hell did she have to say anything in the first place?

I laugh to myself, "Gorgeous hair she says. Riiiight."

_Not when it's the color of_…

I stop in my tracks. There's a weird smell in the air, and the rain seems like it's coming down harder. I see something lying on the path ahead of me. At first, I think it's a log or something like that, but it's too organic-shaped to be anything like that. A body? I move closer, figuring it's an animal, and then, I'm almost standing on top of it, and I can see that it's a person, face-down in the mud.

_What the hell_?

It's not exactly the kind of place somebody goes to take a nap.

I see bright red forming a pool around him. Looks like his entrails are all hanging out. Just another loser getting a seriously tough break.

_Way to block the path._

I'm not in a very compassionate mood after everything that's been going on in my head, but I figure I better do something—he's really close to my house—so I nudge him with the toe of my boot. "Hey, man. You dead down there?"

I see the poor bastard twitch, and I'm about to say 'guess that's a no', when he suddenly lifts his face, just a little, to look up at me.

My mouth falls open and I feel my eyes threatening to fall out of my head, because I know that face. Goddammit, do I know it. It looks older now, more mature, and I can see in his eyes that he's in a ton of pain, but I'd know those green eyes anywhere. Three years is not long enough to erase those memories. Not by a long shot.

"Hakkai?!" I drop to my knees next to him, one hand on his back, panicking a little, because you don't expect to find your friend dying on the side of the road in the middle of the night. Not when you haven't seen him in forever. "Dude, what happened to you?!"

He doesn't answer—I doubt he can—he just lowers his head back down, resting it again on his forearm, and he's quiet, not moving.

No way.

My heart is hammering, like the rain.

I should be happy to see him, but…he's all fucked up.

_How_?

What now? Should I drag him back into town, try to get him all the way to Ton's house? Or should I carry him up to my place? My place is closer. I've been drinking, so carrying him anywhere might be hard. I can't leave him in the road. I don't have time to go get someone—he could bleed to death.

I have to do something.

"Dude…what the hell happened to you?"

_"…in the near future, I see that you will lose someone dear to your heart, in a storm of blood and hatred…you will wish your claws were sharper, and your lifeline was longer…"_

"Shit." I glance around at the storm, thinking I'll see something that can answer my questions, but we're alone. "Shit, no way…"

Then, not knowing what else to do, I climb to my feet, heave Hakkai up on my shoulders, and begin dragging him with me over the wet, sloppy road.

"I can't wait to hear what the deal is this time, pal."

**TEENAGE WASTELAND**


End file.
